The Turtle Club

The hosts discuss the masterpiece that is Rap World... for about 10 minutes. They then reveal that they are, indeed, all former scumbags. Spoiler alert: They eventually admit they are proud of none of it. email [email protected]

The gang is back at it, this time to review Steven Seagals baffling classic, Killswitch! They may not talk about the movie much but boy howdy, do they love talking about Steven Seagal. Songs From The Crystal Cave available wherever you stream music! Email us at [email protected]

Listen. Were there lots of technical issues resulting in lost audio? Yes.Are there chunks of the conversation missing? For sure.Did we cut together 35 minutes of a cohesive conversation about Godzilla Vs Megalon? You could say that.Are we in the final few episodes of Alan recording from the backseat of his Honda in a shitty parking lot? Thankfully. Did we make it up to you by adding audio of Godzillas stand-up special Comedy Minus One Equals Godzilla? You bet your sweet ass we did.Did Alan think he deleted the whole project just to discover he was zoomed way in? Sadly, soberly, [email protected]

Our brothers (and sister) in Christ (pronounced ch-rised) discuss the 1996 film Dunston Checks in, Elles mother being a liar, Alan being fat and Eli believing in the magic of spotlights. Also: the death of Owen Hart and Surf & Turf combos. e-mail us at [email protected] to hear your questions, comments & hatred on the podcast!

Ever wonder what it would be like if cocaine made a movie? With a cash-grab AC/DC soundtrack?Trucks come to life? That would suck!!!email us at [email protected]

Our hosts Did not watch Bloodfist 3 due to a shift in the timeline thanks to the devious Lee Wormy Oswald. They instead discuss the 1986 John Carpenter masterpiece, Oscar snub Big Trouble in Little China. Anyone in the mood for 5 Guys? Anyone see that movie Heretic?

Jeroid appears on "Today" with Bryant Gumbel, but must wear a silly shirt as the result of a misunderstanding with Kramoid's "low talker" girlfriend; Georgoid moves in with his parents.

With all that dead weight gone, our remaining hosts let loose on 1993s hit feature, Jurassic Park! They discuss the movie more than ever!Email [email protected] for suggestions, questions and donations (please).

Our hosts wrap up the final full year for the Turtle Club, we say goodbye to Migel and hello to our former president.Stay tuned for extended seasons and email [email protected] for answers to all questions with any and all timelines.

Four friends discuss the final movie of 2025, they discuss Ernest in Martyrs, when The Simpsons go bad and the timeline gets fixed. Alan was not aware you could hear him eating chocolates so clearly.

Mr. Bean falls asleep and no one enjoys it. Alan is the coolest.Email us! [email protected] @turtleclubpod

Hunting mice with Nathan Lane. Also Alan is totally here bro we swear Email us! [email protected] Twitter @turtleclubpod

Austrian or American? YOU DECIDE. Migel won't give up his Migel eggs Email us! [email protected] Twitter @turtleclubpod

What has Alan been up to? I hope we find out soon! Email us! [email protected] Twitter @turtleclubpod

Migel has very strong opinions on child murder. Email us! [email protected] Twitter @turtleclubpod

Migel likes an anime movie? What a twist! Email us! [email protected] Twitter @turtleclubpod

Migel is confronted by forces he cannot comprehend and chooses to react with anger instead of curiosity. Email us! [email protected] Twitter @turtleclubpod

Your hosts discuss SPORTS. Alan is still kidnapped too. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts eat spicy wings while discussing the 2009 remake of Friday the 13th. Thank you to Melinda's Pepper Sauce challenge! Also Alan is still missing! Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts discuss the morality of having consensual relations with a clone of yourself Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Elle picked another banger and Migel received some fan mail in the form of a friendly video. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

One of the hosts has an announcement! Will it be Migel? Eli? Alan? Elle? Who know who it could be! Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Dave successfully convinces Migel that Bigfoot is real. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts watch bigfoot play basketball with an island boy. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Let's get greasy! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Join Big Dave, Big Migel, Big Eli, and Big Alan in this sweaty discussion! Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts discuss obscure Italian horror films and avoid talking about the movie about melting homeless people. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts discuss what Malcolm X would think of Slam Dunk Ernest (1995) Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts discuss the worst movie they have had to watch for this podcast. Also Migel will NOT stop farting. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts discuss The Kid Detective (2020). Many spoilers discussed throughout the entire episode. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts discuss Mystery Team (2009) and also being a stoner at a wrestling show Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts discuss The Wrestler (2008) while Alan poops all over the place Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod Also if anyone wants to read Adam's long email, here's a google doc with all of it. I didn't read all of it so I hope it's not anything too negative https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HiWgEKdhiCFnX2iLUiEEo3rfvqXpOlFLQT8n574u8IE/edit?usp=sharing

With a new season comes a new format! How will it go? Idk I guess we'll have to see Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Alan is back and he has some explaining to do... Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Eli has to watch the movie by himself and record commentary for it as a punishment Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

We're back to the original three hosts. Will it stay this way??? Stick around and find out! Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

One of your hosts has an announcement. Sounds like it could be pretty serious. I would listen to this one if I were you. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts discuss cooking and preparing alien meats. Also Michael is suddenly super likeable for some reason???? Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

The movie for next year? God's Not Dead? The Passion of the Christ? Idk probably some stupid BS. I guess we'll see Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts get distracted by Catholic guilt films. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts have a poetry contest and participate in Brat summer Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts have received a weirdly racist email. Listen to them discuss! Email us (no more racism please): [email protected] Twitter/X: @turtleclubpod

One of your hosts met Brent Spiner! And he was very nice! Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts are ready for TurtleMania, brothers! Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Okay but really think about it. Jimmy Carter has freaking NIGHT VISION! He would definitely win. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Tammy and the T-Rex (1994) continues to be interesting and unhinged. Your hosts are a tad bit split about it, but an exclusive club invite has them distracted. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts have returned for another year of trash! And what's this? A fourth host? Welcoming Alan Richardson as a new permanent host! This year's movie is Tammy and the T-Rex (1994) Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts are officially done with Kangaroo Jack (2003). They recorded a really short finale this year. Michael's audio kinda sucks, but they're too lazy to re-record. Happy Arbor Day! Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts are in better moods as they approach the end of their year of hell. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts had a guest cancel on them so they decide to have an open discussion about their feelings on the podcast as a whole. Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod

Your hosts are over it. Kangaroo Jack (2003) has broken them to the point where they no longer care. Special guest Chris aka Tophertokes! Email us! [email protected] Twitter/X @turtleclubpod