PODCAST · education
The Virtual Couch
by Tony Overbay LMFT
The Virtual Couch is a podcast is hosted by Tony Overbay, a marriage and family therapist, humor columnist and motivational speaker who works with a large number of individuals and couples in a variety of areas including marriage, sexual addiction, and parenting. Tony, and his guests, hope to provide listeners with tools and strategies to help break negative patterns and embrace new and exciting challenges in their lives.
Episodes
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Autism or Narcissism? Unpacking Neurodivergent Relationships with Jodi Carlton, MEd
In today's episode, we dive deep into the complexities of neurodiversity and narcissism in relationships. Our guest, Jodi Carlton, brings a wealth of expertise, drawing from over two decades of experience as a therapist, educator, and coach, with a special focus on neurodiversity. She has an...
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All These Fears Will Be For Your Good - Facing the Fear Trap
True or false? You only use 10 percent of your brain? Albert Einstein was a lousy student, and look how he turned out! Positive affirmations will lead you to self-love and happiness. To get the answers, you'll need to listen to this episode, but (spoiler alert) we are often building meaning and...
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Sanity over Spouse: Crafting Calm Amidst Chaos
Today we dig more into the age-old question, "Should I stay or should I go?" And if I'm staying, what are some strategies to help maintain one's sanity? Tony unpacks a poignant email from a listener, shedding light on the subtle nuances of gaslighting - a common manipulation tactic used by...
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Intimacy (aka S-E-X) w/Dan Purcell of "Get Your Marriage On!"
Let's talk about S to the E-X, aka "intimacy." Dan Purcell, host of the "Get Your Marriage On" podcast as well as the "Intimately Us" app https://r.intimately.us/tonyoverbay joins Tony to talk about the mission that he, along with his wife Emily, share of strengthening marriages by helping them...
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Managing the Mind Boggle: Navigating through Nice Guys, Narcissists, and the Emotionally Immature - Plus, Is Change Real or Temporary?
Today’s show notes have been generated by ChatGPT-4 based on the transcript of the episode: Tony takes a deep dive into understanding and distinguishing between three complex behavioral patterns - Nice Guy/Girl Syndrome, Emotional Immaturity, and Narcissism. Tony kicks off the discussion with a...
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Teaching Our Kids (and our inner-child) Emotional Intelligence
Childhood abandonment and neglect issues can manifest in seemingly unrelated ways in adulthood. In this episode, Tony helps you identify how they show up and how you can help your kids become more emotionally intelligent and resilient. Tony's muse today is an article by Jonice Webb, a licensed...
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I Don’t Even Know What That Means? Unmasking the Silent Symphony of the Ultimate Gaslighting Guffaw!
Have you ever received accusations from a narcissist or emotionally immature person, left bewildered by claims about your words or actions? Have you ever been blamed for instructing your father on roofing specifics when you know nothing about roofs, even though your spouse is a roofer? In this...
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Alexa Lovell - One Year After a Devastating Accident, Surviving Setbacks and Diving into the Details
Alexa (Overbay) Lovell survived a near-fatal accident a little over one year ago. She dives into the details of what the past year has been like, including recovery setbacks, unrealistic expectations, continued frustrations, the reality of potential addiction to pain medications, what the future...
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Exploring the 5 Types of Narcissism pt 2 of 2 BONUS Murder on the Couch Preview
Tony tackles the final 2 of the 5 types of narcissism in part 2 of 2, exploring the 5 types of narcissism. In part 1, he covered Overt and Covert, and he started to discuss Antagonistic narcissism, which led to a separate episode. Today Tony discusses Communal and Malignant narcissism. He...
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Entrepreneur, Podcaster, Writer or D) All of the Above - Zlatko Bijelic On Taking What Life Gives You
Zlatko "Z" Bijelic is an entrepreneur, podcaster, app developer, dog dad, former college soccer player, and foodie. He has now journaled daily for over a year and is also a highly sought-after business coach and consultant. Simply put, while Z may appear like somebody who easily takes's life's...
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They Really Do Suck the Life Out of You - The "Antagonistic" Attachment of the Narcissist
Tony goes on a quick tangent between parts 1 and 2 of exploring the five types of narcissists to look into the antagonistic attachment style of the narcissistic person. An “antagonist,” from purely a biological, scientific point of view, is a relationship in which one organism benefits at the...
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The Power of Community to Combat Addiction - Chandler Rogers on How the Relay App Repels Porn
Tony gives a "state of the union" address on working with people struggling with turning to pornography as a coping mechanism. He then interviews Chandler Rogers, CEO of Relay, an app that helps people stay connected and accountable on their recovery journey. Relay makes it easy to connect with a...
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Exploring the 5 Types of Narcissism pt 1 of 2
Tony tackles the 5 types of narcissism in part 1 of 2. He references the article "5 Types of Narcissism and How to Spot Each," Medically reviewed by Jeffrey Ditzell, DO written By Courtney Telloian — Updated on September 15, 2021http://psychcentral.com/health/types-of-narcissism Find all the…
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Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on Modeling Healthy Relationships, Trust, ADHD, Narcissism, and EFT vs. Differentiation
Tony welcomes Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife back to The Virtual Couch for the 5th time! They discuss a variety of topics, including ADHD, the challenge of helping couples envision a version of a relationship they haven't seen modeled or experienced, narcissism and emotional immaturity, and how to...
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Exploring Anxiety, Uncertainty, and "Narcissistic Victim Syndrome" w/Bonus Haiku
Tony talks more about anxiety, uncertainty, and the brain’s adorable desire to make sense of things that often don’t make sense. He reads a haiku and a poem from the women’s private Facebook group, and then he references “Narcissistic Victim Syndrome” from the article “12 Signs You’ve Experienced...
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If You Aren't Willing to Have It (Anxiety, Fear, Doubt, Depression et al.) You Will - Understanding Acceptance
Dr. Stephen Hayes, the founder of the groundbreaking therapy technique Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), says, “If you’re not willing to have it, then you will.” Have what, you might ask? Anything you are trying to get rid of, from anxiety and depression to fear and loss. So what if the…
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Navigating the Negative Effects of the Narcissistic (or Emotionally Immature) Parent
People often stay in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature partners in hopes that it will be better in the long run for the kids. Unfortunately, staying can often send the exact opposite message. Tony reads another poem from his private women's Facebook group and a letter from…
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What if I Don't Like Marshmallows? Revisiting the "Marshmallow Test" and other Pop-psychology "Myths"
Does smiling make you happier? Can you truly predict the long-term success of an adult based on their love, or lack thereof, of marshmallows in their youth? Is depression always linked to a chemical imbalance in the brain? Tony takes a look at 8 popular psychology studies and concepts and shares...
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Feeling Stuck? Recognizing the Negative Effects of Regret and Rumination
"Regret is a common feeling that has both negative and positive effects," Sian Ferguson from the article "How to Move Past Regret." https://psychcentral.com/blog/a-powerful-exercise-for-moving-past-regret Tony talks about regret and rumination's roles in keeping people stuck in a trauma bond with…
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Habit, Addict or Unconscious Response? The Latest Research on Why We Do What We Do!
Did you know that more than 40 percent of everything you do is habitual? Are you addicted to your phone or social media? Or are you simply responding to a well-worn neurological cue/reward pattern? Tony discusses the latest in habit research from the article "How to Conquer Your Primitive Brain"…
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Thou Shalt Use Whichevereth Type of Toothpaste Thou Wantest - Breaking the Commandments of Narcissism (Finally!)
People in relationships with narcissists, or extremely emotionally immature people, are often convinced, coerced, or controlled into believing that certain universal rules or commandments must be followed to continue in the relationship. In healthy relationships, both people are free to express…
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Dealing with Discomfort In Relationships…and Life!
Tony dissects a couple's potentially destructive conversation, examining discomfort and anxiety's role in our relationships. He also talks about the challenges of relying on memory when attempting to have difficult conversations. And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak...
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Dana Killion, Author of “Where The Shadows Dance” on Finding Strength When You Feel You Have None
Author Dana Killion joins Tony to discuss her memoir “Where the Shadows Dance,” available for pre-order at https://amzn.to/3yR0gIp Dana’s story is born of a life in turmoil and her husband’s addiction, a situation where the only way through was to write it. And as she wrote, the themes of her...
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Listen to Your Gut: What Your Tummy Tells You About Your Anxiety - Camila Smith, LCSW
Tony welcomes Camila Smith, LCSW, to the Virtual Couch. Camila is a psychotherapist, educator, and the Chief Clinical Officer of Bekome (http://joinbekome.co). Camila specializes in gut health, with an advanced doctoral focus in mental health and clinical nutrition. Tony and Camila talk about the...
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Let ME Explain Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity to Your Friends, So You Don’t Have To!
When asked if Tony had a podcast to refer to people who were moderately interested in learning about narcissism, he said, "of course I do!" And then he couldn't find one. This episode is for those of you who want to try and explain your situation to people you care about who want to know but who…
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McKinley Overbay - When Your Moment of Insane Courage Leads to Big Change…and a Little Bit of Throw Up
Virtual Couch favorite and Tony's daughter, McKinley "Mackie" Overbay, joins the podcast to talk about some big changes happening in her life and how she has been able to do difficult, scary things despite having "all of the emotions." You can follow Mackie on Instagram @beautybymackie and…
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Why People Stay in Unhealthy Relationships - You Do Deserve to Be Happy!
Why do people stay in unhealthy relationships? Many don't believe they are deserving of happiness. Tony tackles this topic using "When You Don't Feel You Deserve to Be Happy" by Robert Taibbi as his muse and a post from his women's private Facebook group. The article can be found at...
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Eating Chocolate - An Emotional Control Strategy or a Way to Stay Present?
Exercise, meditation, prayer, and eating good food all sound like wonderful, emotional-baseline-raising activities. But depending on how you're doing them, they could also be a way to eliminate unwanted thoughts and feelings. Tony looks at "creative helplessness" and "emotional control…
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When the Student Becomes the Teacher - One Mother Opens Up to Her Adult Children
What is the best way to support somebody beginning to “wake up” to the narcissism or the emotional immaturity in their relationship but still willing to wait for a miracle to occur? And what if that “somebody” is a parent in a relationship with a step-parent that you’ve never really liked? And…
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A Cornucopia of Narcissism! Switzerland Friends, Confabulated Memory, Sitting w/Discomfort, Family Roles and More!
Tony discusses the differences between false memories and confabulation. He then reads a message from the "women in relationships with narcissistic 'fill in the blank'" Facebook group that leads to a breakdown of "Switzerland Friends," as well as how we deal with discomfort, as well as how…
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10 Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship Explained
Tony shares and responds to the article “The 10 Best Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship” by Seth Gillihan, PhD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202301/the-10-best-predictors-of-a-bad-romantic-relationship Tony also references the article “Attachment Woes Between Anxious...
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Narcissism Knows No Gender - When a Man Loves a Narcissistic or Emotionally Immature Woman
Tony reads two emails from men in relationships with more emotionally immature and/or narcissistic women, and he talks about the challenges a man faces in these types of relationships. Tony references the articles: "Why Men Are More Narcissistic Than Women" by Jeffrey Kluger...
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Tackling Trauma - More Lessons from "The Body Keeps the Score"
"If you feel safe and loved, your brain becomes specialized in exploration, play, and cooperation; if you are frightened and unwanted, it specializes in managing feelings of fear and abandonment," says Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score (https://amzn.to/3QtMBPG). In today's...
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Death By a Thousand Cuts IV (Part 4)
Tony shares the 4th installment in the "Death By a Thousand Cuts" series. He gives examples of how being in a relationship with a narcissist or extremely emotionally immature person can feel like "death by a thousand cuts." All of the examples used in this episode come directly from his private...
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The Psychology of the Churro - 8 Mental Health Lessons Learned from a Disneyland Christmas
Tony shares 8 mental health lessons learned from a Christmas spent at Disneyland. 1) You’ll never really know something until you experience it. 2) Churros provide an immediate but temporary dopamine dump. 3) How to come back to the present moment, over and over again. 4) How easy it can be to…
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Don't Give the Narcissist the "Gift" of Your Anger - Button Pushing, Family Drama and More "Aha" Moments
Tony shares questions and answers from his forum for women in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature people. The questions deal with narcissistic family systems, whether or not to "confront" or air out the narcissist's drama to the entire family. Two forum members share their…
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BONUS - The ONLY Goal Setting Episode You'll Ever Need w/Neal Hooper, Creator of The Achievement Tribe
Happy New Year! Whether or not you may be thinking about setting New Year’s resolutions or goals, or you absolutely detest the entire concept around goals and resolutions, this episode is for you. In this special bonus episode, Tony welcomes Neal Hooper, creator of The Achievement Tribe, a...
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Is Kindness in Your Genes? The Narcissist/Nice Person Origin Story
Tony reads an email from a listener who shares their “waking up” experience and how difficult it can be to break free from a “trauma bond” and stay strong when the narcissist/emotionally immature partner pushes all the buttons to get you back. He also discusses the origins of “pathological...
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The Fun Habit - An Examination of Modern Approaches to Happiness w/Michael Rucker Ph.D.
Tony interviews Michael Rucker, Ph.D. In 2016, Michael experienced a series of serious setbacks that caused him to challenge the tools he had built over the previous two decades as a student of positive psychology. Ultimately finding himself “unhappy, a bit lonely, and burnt out,” Michael...
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Ashlee Boyson on Surviving Betrayal, Narcissism and…Murder
Tony interviews Ashlee Boyson. Ashlee is an author, trauma survivor, and victim advocate. In 2011 Ashlee’s life changed forever when her husband’s murder revealed his secret life. Ashlee’s book “ The Moments We Stand: Silence Breaks: Book 1” is available at https://amzn.to/3CMwO8Y You can find…
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Whether You Can or Can't You Are Correct! Exploring the Expectation Effect w/Nate Christensen APCC
Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” Tony Overbay, LMFT, welcomes Nate Christensen, APCC, back to the Virtual Couch for his 6th appearance. Tony and Nate discuss David Robson’s book “The Expectation Effect: How Your Mindset Can Change Your Word,”...
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Susie Pettit on Navigating a Narcissistic Relationship - From Rock Bottom to Midlife Warrior
Susie Pettit is a Podcast Host (Love Your Life Show), the founder of Strength: Mind and Body, and a Mindfullness-Based Cognitive Life Coach. Susie has made a career helping women "live lives that feel as good on the inside as they look on the outside." But before finding her calling in helping...
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The Very Most Bestest Way to Change - aka Cognitive Flexibility
Tony tackles an essential skill needed for lasting change, "cognitive flexibility," from the book ACT Made Simple - Second Edition by Russ Harris https://amzn.to/3FsneJ0 If you are interested in being coached in Tony's upcoming "Magnetic Marriage Podcast," please email him for more information.…
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Making Sense of Nonsense - 5 Keys to Interacting with the Narcissist/Emotionally Immature
Tony shares his 5 rules for interacting and communicating with the narcissist or emotionally immature person in your life. One of the biggest challenges in dealing with the narcissist/emotionally immature is how much time, energy, and emotional calories are spent trying to make sense of the...
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Hold Up, I Can't Do That...Says Who? Losing our Limiting Beliefs
You can't run marathons after 50! You can't change your career after you've invested so much time and energy into it! Dads don't get all up in their feelings! Says who? Our pasts, our brains, our lack of understanding, that's who! Tony explores the psychology of limiting beliefs and how the…
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Shouldn't Somebody Tell Her? How to Handle Narcissistic In-Laws w/Kristin Hill, LMHC
Tony talks with Kristin Hill, a fellow therapist, about her “waking up” to the narcissism of an in-law and the challenges that come along with interrupting a “family system” that already has an established pattern of behavior around an emotionally immature individual. Kristin is a mental health...
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ACT Helps You Do Life Better - Period! Dr. Michael Twohig on Anxiety, OCD, Trauma, and More
Dr. Michael Twohig joins Tony to talk about his early involvement in the then “new kid on the psychology block,” acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). Dr. Twohig shares his initial hesitation in embracing ACT and what eventually led him to pursue his Ph.D. in clinical psychology by working…
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Congratulations to Gaslighting! Apparently, You're Word of the Year!
Congratulations Gaslighting! You have been chosen as Merriam Webster's "Word of the Year" for 2022 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lists_of_Merriam-Webster%27s_Words_of_the_Year. Tony talks about all things gaslighting, from the various types, where it comes from, and what to do when you feel like...
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Gratitude Makes You Poop!
The science is solid; gratitude makes you poop! We often hear that we need to be more grateful to truly be happy. Is gratitude simply born of pop-psychology psychobabble, or is it actually an evidence-based way to improve our lives? Tony flushes out the details on how being more intentional about...
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From Gaslighting to Greatness…You ARE Enough, Wonderful and Amazing!
Tony shares a question from his private Facebook group about gaslighting and “breaks down the game film” on why it is still difficult to change your patterns of communication with the narcissist even though you’re now aware of what you previously weren’t aware of. He shares some powerful…
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
The Virtual Couch is a podcast is hosted by Tony Overbay, a marriage and family therapist, humor columnist and motivational speaker who works with a large number of individuals and couples in a variety of areas including marriage, sexual addiction, and parenting. Tony, and his guests, hope to provide listeners with tools and strategies to help break negative patterns and embrace new and exciting challenges in their lives.
HOSTED BY
Tony Overbay LMFT
CATEGORIES
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does The Virtual Couch have?
The Virtual Couch currently has 300 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is The Virtual Couch about?
The Virtual Couch is a podcast is hosted by Tony Overbay, a marriage and family therapist, humor columnist and motivational speaker who works with a large number of individuals and couples in a variety of areas including marriage, sexual addiction, and parenting. Tony, and his guests, hope to...
How often does The Virtual Couch release new episodes?
The Virtual Couch publishes regularly with 300 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to The Virtual Couch?
You can listen to The Virtual Couch on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts The Virtual Couch?
The Virtual Couch is created and hosted by Tony Overbay LMFT.
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