The Wicker Men

You gotta get them Buffalo before them Buffalo get you gettin' them gettin' you. You ever know of madness? You don't. Not until you've looked a Buffalo in the eyes till it drives you mad Buffalo, Buffalo, gotta get them Buffalo!

It's Cage on Cage on Cage on Cage in the ultimate Nic Cage adventure! We're pretty sure this is a TRUE documentary! We're pretty darn sure!Cage sure is HOT, but want to know what's even HOTTER?! Maanghang Pepper Co.'s HOT SAUCE!!! If you'd like to support James McMahon's (our guest for this episode) hot sauce company, give them a follow on Instagram @maanghang_pepper_co or visit their website at https://www.maanghangpepperco.comNIC CAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!

Oink Oink! It's time for a truffle kerfuffle! Cage is the real five-star dish here!

Happy Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday Happy! Slam some energy drinks and play that pinball machine like a banjo on the bayou, YEEEEEHAWWW!

WE ARE ALL PRISONERS OF THE GHOSTLAND... ESPECIALLY AJ! TESTICLLLLLLLLLLE!

Ooga Booga... Better?! Time marches on and so must The Croods as they enter A NEW AGE of elevators, beds, bananas and oh so much more in the comedy romp of the year! Ha ha! Wait a minute, I thought this was a description of the podcast episode, not the movie! Ah jeez, wow!

Nothing says martial arts like an alien coming to earth every six years to fight people! Getting ready for a WILD and WHIMSICAL time fighting through this one. You'll have WISHED you took those Jiu Jitsu lessons after this one!

Well come on down now and getchoo some of that nice, ice-cold sweet tea on this hot summer's day... OH MY GOD IT'S A HURRICANE! OH MY GOD IT'S NIC CAGE! OH MY GOD HE'S A WAR VETERAN! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT'S THE WEEKLY PODCAST SHOW!

Have you ever wanted to see a gorilla have... relations... with a woman? No, of course you haven't. Neither did James or myself, but AJ wanted to, so here we are. Just remember this: Lobo is not the gorilla. 

There's a beast on this ole' ship, and let me tell ya, it aint the white jaguar... it's FRANK WALSH! 

Based on the context provided, here's a summary of the meeting so far: The Wicker Men Pod, Billy Bobby, and James Creange are discussing the movie "Kill Chain" starring Nicolas Cage. They express strong disappointment with the film, criticizing its boring plot, poor dialogue, and lack of action despite its title. They discuss various scenes, including a recurring mention of a rice cooker and poorly executed shootouts. The group also mentions using an Al transcription service for their podcast. They review some "goofs and gaffes" from IMDb and give their final ratings for the movie. The ratings are surprisingly low:Billy Bobby: 9/100James Creange: 10/100The Wicker Men Pod: 15/100This results in an average score of 11/100, placing "Kill Chain" near the bottom of their Nicolas Cage movie rankings. The group also notes that they are close to finishing their initial list of Cage movies to review.

This is likely the worst episode of this show, so don't even bother. Have a great day!

What color is this? What feeling is this?! WHY. ARE. THE. ALPACAS. LOOSE?!?! Guest Christian Becker will explain why. Maybe. I don't know. Behold: The future of cinema!

It's time to SETTLE THE SCOOOOORE! BRAISE THE BEEF! FIND OUT WHO IS AND WHO IS NOT REAAAAAAL! AHHHH IT'S THE WICKER MEN, BABYYYYY!

Thwip! Thwip! Ruuuuubik's cube?! Say, kid, we gotta go give a punchin' up punch up to them bad guys, see? Yeah, yeah yeah! It's the Wicker Men in the Wicker-Verse!

Have you ever met a woman at a truck stop just to find out her daughter is your reincarnated wife? Well thankfully, Cage has! Experience the spiritual thriller of a lifetime where our boy gets it on with whoever he can, whenever he can, hot dog!

Brrrr! It sure is cold! I need to wrap up in some hot chocolate and drink a blanket! Wait a minute... ahhh I totally mixed those up! Happy Mistletoe!

We're just a bunch of goofsters! Goofsters we are! Such goofsters, AHHH!

WOOOP WOOOP! THAT'S THE SOUND OF THE ...police? It is! Nic Cage stars as a cop in this one, which NEVER happens! Turn on your radios, grab your badges and rob a bank that has very little money in a small town because it's 211 time! 2-1-1! 2-1-1! 2-1-1!

Did you do it? Did you look through the looking glass? Did you? DID YOU? DID YOU LOOK THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS DID YOU DO IT??? DID YOU DO IT? DID YOU? DID YOU DO IT? ...i know u didn't do it.

Take some drugs and join a cult, it's Mandy, folks! Grab your battleaxe, your crossbow and your favorite tiger shirt for this one! Many manners are made in Mandy's manor! That was just fun to say! It's episode 80 and we're still doing thisss, BABY!

1984? No thanks. Children of Men? PASS. Total Recall?! Get the heck outta here! It's all about the Humanity Bureau with this one, pal! I hope you're ready for the gripping tale of Blade Runner Rick Deckar- wait no, I mean Bureau Agent Noah Kross as he discovers, neigh, EXPOSES the TRUTH in this dystopian thriller! By the end of it, you'll be saying, "Oh! The Humanity (Bureau)!"

Mama? Papa? I was hoping to get some cerea-AHHHHH! YES OH YES You know who it is! The Wicker Men, baby, and we're back with Moms and Dads murdering their precious children! Settle in and build a pool table while you're at it. You know what? Just smash the pool table, it's too damn expensive to keep!

How could one say such things? Think such things? DO such things?! Have you even THOUGHT about the children? Honestly, this entire ruse, nay, this entire FARCE... is simply... INCONCEIVABLE!

How far would you go to seek Vengeance on someone for acts committed against someone completely unrelated to you? Good thing this man was around to solve everyone else's problems! This isn't just a story. It's a love story!

It's the return of the KING, BABY! That's right, Eddie King is BACK and definitly better than ever! What a movie, I mean, I don't know about you, but this film is the TOPS! There are two brothers!

Wake up! God is calling and the great ole fella needs you to go to Pakistan! Talk like the world is listening and don't you EVER let ANYONE tread on you! Waaaaaahoooooo!

Grr! Shark attack! Captain Cage is at it again with his wacky and wild platoon! Wait a minute. No no no, I'm sorry, this is a totally serious war film. Grr!

RIP AJ, but the show must go on.

Bark Bark! The world sure is tough, but that won't stop best friends Nic Cage and Willem Dafoe from barking up the wrong trees! Yabadoo, this is one for the books! Have you ever seen a movie that makes you think, "Boy, it sure is a dog eat dog world out there" because this one will!

Go full vegan with the delicious selection at the Tutman Cafe, Sheetar be praised!!

Trust Trust Trust it's always with the Trust!! Can't we just get along WITHOUT having to Trust each other? Can't we just live in a peaceful SOCIETY built around FRIENDSHIP instead of TRUST?! Yada yada yada Elijah Wood!

What does it cost to save a soul? Millions of dollars? Priceless jewels and gems? Or perhaps a simple cup of iced cream? One way or another, if you lose your kid at the fair, it's because you didn't Pay the Ghost. Time to find the portal!

Oooh! Que Nicolas Cage sait certainement courir ! Quel homme épicé!

YOU. HAVE. VALUES! Get out there and make your country proud! Hwoooooopaaaah!

You best start believin' in raptures, dear listener... you're in one! AHHHHHHHH!

This one outta outlast em all! No no no, I'm not talking about Outkast, I'm talking about Outcast!! Balooba-looba-doo, what a wacky and zany movie this is! It might even be the worst of the show! Excelsior!

If you haven't seen The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent yet, go see it. If you have, go see it again.

It's time. Oh yes it's time. Like a mage burning sage, he must disengage from his own age and turn the page entering a new chapter in the war he must wage. This isn't your ordinary beige, no, this is Nicolas Cage, and he is about to RAGE.

If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?He came to town like a midwinter stormHe rode through the fields so handsome and strongHis eyes was his tools and his smile was his gunBut all he had come for was having some funIf it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?He brought disaster wherever he wentThe hearts of the girls was to hell broken sentThey all ran away so nobody would knowAnd left only men cause of cotton-eyed JoeIf it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?

Murder! Mayhem! Winter! Boy oh jeez is it cold outside. Better grab a jacket... and a badge! Yes, Cage is back as a state trooper out for justice in this non-stop, action-packed thriller for the ages! When you're walking and slipping... it's because you're on... FROZEN GROUND!

Don't be Crude! Listen to us talk about The Croods! It's the Crude thing to do! How Crude!

Uhhh it's Moose. Moose the Movie. It's Moose the Movie buckle in and buckle up. It's Moose the Movie get with it or get over it. You know what time it is.

When a bank robber's daughter is TAKEN, the kidnapper is misTAKEN in his understanding of Cage's particular set of skills... The journey Cage has underTAKEN to retrieve his daughter back leads to a feisty-heisty action overTAKEN by the love of a father. Cage has parTAKEN in something really unique here... this is... STOLEN!

rrrrrrRRRRREEEEEV IT UP! Cage has been trying to keep his inner demons out, but they've been scratching at the DOOOOOORRR! THAT'S RIGHT! Ghost Rider has returned, and he's more ferociously fiery than ever! Don't sit around and decay! Enjoy Mr. Cage today! Featuring Christian Becker.

You walk into a house. It's not your house. Actually it IS your house. People break in! You're scared, but then THEY'RE SCARED. You're a hostage BUT SO ARE THEY. AHHH! Does anyone smell pretzels because all I'm seeing are TWISTS! Turn around - TWIST! Flip over - TWIST! Wear a robe, answer the door - TWIST! It's a TWISTER TORNADOOOOOOO!

Don't you get it? Don't you understand BY NOW what it IS Cage is DOING?! He's not searching for national treasures or love. He's not looking for money or power. He's not just escaping from the demons of hell or the witches of Landia, no. No no no. Cage is only Seeking ONE thing and ONE thing alone: JUSTICE! WAAAAAH-HOOOO!

VROOM VROOM! I'M SO ANGRY, but I have to stop this cult. How easy is it to get out of Hell? Well, just drive out, can't you tell? This movie sure is swell. Nic Cage knows how to take a bullet in this action-filled film: Ghost Rid- uhhhhHHh I mean: Drive Angry!

What season is it? What SEASON IS IT?!

Magic! Science! Alfred Molina?! Be prepared for an adventure sure to SHOCK you! Buy a Tesla! No, no, not the kind of Tesla you're probably thinking of. Buy a Tesla Coil! Zip Zap Zagoo!