Episodes
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EPISODE 69: Animorphs Is Feminism Because Mommy Issues
It's Animorphs book 49, The Diversion, & we're so enthralled by it that we don't even take note of the episode number. In addition to changing the whole dang status quo, we discuss: More Blood Pokemon!, Being The Only One On The Way To Work Who Looks Like They Recently Drowned, Rachel Giving…
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EPISODE 68: Jellyfish Are Like Not Super Into Politics
This was recorded just after our last episode came out four months ago. We have good intentions & I, personally, am doing something close to my best, thank you! Appropriately, it's book 48: The Return. In addition to rat monarchy, we discuss: I Think I Just Missed You Guys, Tobias Would Identify...
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EPISODE 67: Oh Yeah! Uncles!
The six months between recording and posting this episode is a reference to the time travel in the book! Don't think about it too hard! We read book 47: The Resistance, which is about a real life war, unfortunately!! In addition to being xtreeme teene bored, we discuss: A Camp Movie Where They…
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EPISODE 66: Somehow In My Heart I Knew It Was Going To Be Weed Related
It sucks trying to capture that jaunty episode description tone when the book is just so sad. This book is so sad and so full of trauma and I don’t know how to do any sort of exclamation point about it or anything. We read Animorphs 46: The Deception and then talked about it. In addition to I…
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EPISODE 65: I'm Gonna Google Snoopy; You Guys Do Whatever You Wanna Do
ive been soooooo sick its late & i didnt put the theme music in & im not gonna put the theme music in & im not writing a description & im not sorry. be nice to me. IT’S ANIMORPHS BOOK 45: THE REVELATION & SPOILER THE TITLE IS REFERRING TO U REALISING U HAVE TO BE NICE TO ME. In addition to…
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EPISODE 64: Someone Walked Out Of Plato's Allegorical Cave & Was Told To Draw A Catgirl
About forty minutes into this episode, one of the hosts just sort of starts photoshopping pictures of kangaroos and dropping them into the groupchat. That’s the energy we’re bringing to the analysis. It’s Animorphs book 44, The Unexpected, and we’re doin’ an outback daytrip. In addition to barely...
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EPISODE 63: The Cycle Of Coffee Headcanons Ends With Us
Y’all… we are in the home stretch now, and it shows. It’s book 43: The Test, and we’re spending time with Taylor the terrible torturer & being tender about Tobias’ trauma. Totally. Taxing talk. In addition to the counteracting of jingoist propaganda for kids, we discuss: Gamer Corner: Outer…
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EPISODE 62: The Dial-Up Internet Of Vegetarianism
We’re using this podcast to climb directly into your ears to go on a Fantastic Voyage through your blood. Sowwy!! While we’re on our vein hike, let’s talk about Animorphs book 42: The Journey. In addition to following some kids through another kid, we discuss: Doing Cars Wrong (Predominantly)…
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EPISODE 61: Will The Real Slim Goodbody Please Stand Up
Returning to the studio after a few months with Animorphs book forty-one, The Familiar, where actually… nothing is very familiar. Think of who you were at age fifteen and come on this journey with us. In addition to being generally befuddled, we discuss: Death Note Yaoi, Star Wars Didn’t Exist...
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EPISODE 60: The Vriska Of Animorphs
Welcome to our wonderful life diving into the classic “what if something had never happened” trope with the fourth & final Megamorphs! Join us as we watch Cassie become unstuck in time, hear Marco and Rachel grow closer together, and see the life of all of our favourite characters extinguished…
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EPISODE 59: I Don't Give A Shit; Extradite Me
Andalites? Disguised as human? On my Earth? It’s more likely than you think. This week, we meet some other refugees from the Andalite army, and learn a very important if kinda hamfisted lesson about ableism from Animorphs book 40: The Other! CW: Ableism (We rarely attach content warnings to this...
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EPISODE 58: President Trash Boy
It’s time for a Cassie book, which means it’s time to settle down, open ourselves up to our more pacifist tendencies, and marvel at the Cronenberg-esque abomination that is an ant poorly attempting to morph into a human being. And also there’s a cape buffalo. He turns into a human too. It’s...
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EPISODE 57: It's Like Sex Ed But Forever And War
Crumph crumph: the sound of a book written in the 90s trying to deal with gender. It’s Animorphs book 38, The Arrival, which means it’s time to discuss our various mouth pleasures. Mine is just saying “crumph crumph”! Referenced media: Millennials Aren’t Growing Horns From Their Celled Phones…
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EPISODE 56: Some Houses Go, But Again, Not Particularly Fast
No controllers on this podcast! Only human beings who love the human character Rachel. She is strong, she is real, and she is our friend. It’s Animorphs book 37, The Weakness, and we’re considerably more excited about Visser 3’s fantastically strong ex-boyfriend energy than any of the actual…
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EPISODE 55: Put Ya Dick in Some Wires
Whew! That was a real tough battle, but Sara managed to get out of Canada alive! Unfortunately, we had to leave Satah behind for a little bit to fend off the oncoming Yeerk horde. Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll be fine. In the meantime, we took a trip down to not-exactly-Atlantis to take a look at...
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EPISODE 54: Because Of Her Tendency To Commit Treason Immediately
In the longest episode yet, we somehow stay completely on-topic. In our defense, there’s a lot going on. It’s a seasonally appropriate Animorphs special today as we discuss the book Visser. No, not the monologuing himbo; the other one. Oh shit. In addition to… huh. No, seriously, this is just us...
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EPISODE 53: Some People Irony Poison To Cope
Cancel culture is when six teenagers with alien technology come together to try to get you to freak out over some cockroaches in your salad. Sometimes, the natural state of two lifebeings interacting is fear. These are just quotes from Blair I really loved that were too long to make the episode...
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EPISODE 52: Motherfuckers Going To The Moon In A Paper Airplane
We read Animorphs book 34, The Prophecy. That’s all I’m writing about the episode this week, cuz I’m tired. Take that, George Lucas! In addition to loving body sharing tropes, we espouse opinions on: Doggie Video Is Here To Stay, I Have To Fight My Adult Son, Ships Look Like Species, and What If...
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EPISODE 51: Humans Have The Capacity To Create New Snacks; Dogs Are Beholden To The Snacks Available To Them
One of us is knocked out with the flu, so it’s up to the remaining two to try not to get knocked out by Feelings. Someone please SOS (Save Our Son). It’s Animorphs book 33, The Illusion, and it’s time to settle once and for all whether dogs have a food culture. In addition to bemoaning the trauma...
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EPISODE 50: Orange Julius Is The Illuminati
If you see a less caffeinated version of this episode walking around, let us know so we can join forces. Until then, let me introduce you to the evil (?) twin: a full hour of someone audibly using a fidget spinner kicked off by someone else saying “Teens Lit AF”. It’s Animorphs book 32, The...
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EPISODE 49: Beatrix Potter Characters Don't Real; Cryptids Might Real
It’s a sleepy pod, baby! Cuddle on in for some relaxing bedtime discussion of Animorphs book thirty-one, The Conspiracy. Note: in this case, we assume that you prefer your lullabies to be full of children experiencing trauma. In addition to parents constantly being in peril, we discuss: 2b28, Ow…
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EPISODE 48: We Should Talk About Something That's Not Rivers
This is not a Frozen podcast… or is it? Whatever; it’s gay children with dead parents, magic powers, and tons of trauma from top to bottom as we tackle Animorphs book thirty, The Reunion. Do you wanna break a Yeerk pool? C’mon let’s go and play~! In addition to loving Marco with our whole hearts,...
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EPISODE 47: I'd Like To Go On Record As Saying George Washington Is Not My Daddy
It’s about that TIME to figure out if you can keep a SECRET. Elfangor’s secret! In honour of this episode being shorter than usual, so is the amount of effort I’m going to spend on this description. If you hate it so much, why not go kill my goddamn grandpa so I’m never even ON this podcast? Fuck...
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EPISODE 46: Okay, I'm Going To Do A Naruto
Just because someone is absolutely one hundred percent guaranteed by the stars to kill one of your co-hosts is no reason not to stan. It’s a Cassie book, which means a lot of fumbling through trying to process the philosophical core of the Animorphs series. Also, eels! Join three people who have...
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EPISODE 45: Wait. You Guys. Andalite Vampires Would Kick You
A heart-wrenching book about animal experimentation and factory farming somehow results in an episode that gets randy’n’rowdy by the middle of the intro. Don’t ask us how, but the energy just goes up from there. It’s Animorphs book 28, The Experiment, and we’re asking the tough questions: what if...
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Setting the Record Queerk, with Alexis and Kaylee!
On this week’s episode of Setting the Record Queer, I sat down w- wait, no, that’s not quite right. Join Sara as she engages in a crossover event with the hosts of Setting the Record Queer! Join us as we watch Not My Problem, defend the prequels, and find out just how much the average person…
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EPISODE 44: All Of Linear Time Exists Pre-Footloose & Post-Footloose
In addition to book 27, The Exposed, we also discuss: This Podcast Episode Is The One Where We All Roleplay As Minor Characters From Animorphs, Gay Coded Side Character, Footloose Is A Bad Play By The Way, Synthesiser Censoring Of Smart Home Activation, How To Define An Arm, and Droid Rights
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EPISODE 43: Real Time Owl Memes
Can someone, for the love of god, get these kids some therapy? Jake had a living, thinking being die in his head and now the fucking eye of Sauron is visiting him in his dreams. It’s book twenty-six, The Attack, and they don’t even get to enjoy the touring stage production of The Lion King that...
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EPISODE 42: In The World Where Mermaids Are Real You Might Have Been Born A Mermaid
This episode got lost in the snowy tundra for three weeks, where it repeatedly almost died of hypothermia before morphing back to its original form and then morphing back to let itself almost die again. Uh-oh! Luckily, it survived. In this very scattered episode, we read Animorphs book 25: The...
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EPISODE 41: DNA Is Literally Stored In The Balls
After a month sailing the far-reaching seas of the Chronicles, we’re returning to the main series and, thank goodness, the main drive of this entire show: rap battle brackets. Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms melting into the form of wings, oh god, oh god, the noise of it. The crunching and...
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EPISODE 40: Modern Sci-fi Is All Dystopia Teens
Sit down with me, little bird, & let me tell you a story about how a series about the horrors of war somehow becomes even warrier & more horrific. It’s The Hork-Bajir Chronicles, and it’s just upsetting. Let’s get real sad about it! If you need a pick-me-up, think about the last episode and check...
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EPISODE 39: Rivals-To-Lovers Or Animorphs Is Dead To Me
We janked up the timeline by skipping books and we’re getting picked off of the show one-by-one as we accidentally unborn ourselves in our attempts to go back and fix the error. Uh-oh! With The Andalite Chronicles, we’re hopping all the way back to before the story even began, now with the…
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EPISODE 38: It’s Cool Being Tobias Isn’t It
By the grayse of gawd, Blair and Satah are here to discuss Animorphs book 23, The Pretender. What’s family? What’s morality? How does a hawk deal with CTPSD & clinical depression? How do we adopt & protect him, please, like please,??? In addition to Tobias’ general angst, we discuss Experimental...
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EPISODE 37: We’re All Just Animals That Are Eating Off The Ground
Bill Clinton is in your D&D campaign. Bill Clinton is in your house. We’re talking about book twenty-two, The Solution, but more importantly, we’re uncovering the secret that TRPG makers everywhere don’t want you to know. In addition to QBC (quiet bill clinton), we discuss Grocery Pranks, Blair’s...
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EPISODE 36: These Children Do Not Watch David Letterman
After an epidemic of laptop foibles, we’re back to discuss book twenty-one, The Threat. Some of us are certainly having our patience threatened by a certain newcomer to the series. Who has opinions about birds? Who has opinions about what instruments the children would play? WHO is the DAVID of...
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EPISODE 35: Boy Who Is Tube
Have you ever been sitting near a pool and thought that the game of Marco Polo just had too many words involved? Blair and Satah have you covered as they spend about an hour mostly saying “Marco!!” at each other in various tones of worry and affection. It’s book twenty, The Discovery, and the new...
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EPISODE 34: A Karen Named Karen
It’s time to cry about Cassie and the general concept of cats. Two of us read The Departure, but one only read the Wikipedia article for leopards. You won’t believe which one is which. Number 19 changed my life. Gone sexual?!?!?! In addition to Cassie’s anhedonia, we discuss Rachel Queer Eyeing...
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EPISODE 33: It Makes Me Happy... And Sad
Broccoli is alien and there are, unfortunately, no therapists in the Cretaceous Age. This week, we’re talking about poorly-done comet foreshadowing and goodly-done character moments in Megamorphs 2: In The Time Of Dinosaurs. Animorphs, uhhh, finds a way. Thanks. Thank you. In addition to...
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EPISODE 32: Centaurs Don’t Real, So, Infinite Stairs
Can a family be one mom, one dad, one more parent, their blue son whom they all could not possibly love more, & all of his vigilante friends? Yes. Absolutely. It usually is. Learn that and more with the three most linguistically fastidious people you know as they throw their advanced brainpower...
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EPISODE 31: Gleek Bio-Filters
It’s the oatmeal book, folks, so strap in as Blair, Sara, and Satah tuck in to book seventeen, The Underground! Join us as we talk about limbs getting ripped off and how fun that is, Animorphs Therapist OC, dogtalk, Glee-talk, and so much more!
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EPISODE 30: s02e01
Blair is BACK and better than ever, ready to pop off season two of The Wonder Yeerks, and Satah’s decided to tag along for the long haul too. We suppose that Sara is just along for the ride, then. But that’s fine! Because this week, we have a… rhino, of a time discussing book sixteen: The…
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EPISODE 29: Visser (St)one(d)
Hey man, c’mon over here. You want a hit? This sweet alien bowl is almost kicked, but there should be enough for one more hit. It’s good shit, too. Some kinda third type, according to Ax. Anyways, let’s get stoned on some galaxy brain kush and talk about crossing over Animorphs with Buffy. In...
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EPISODE 28: The Kapplander
Hey, uh…weird question, but what is this? A podcast? About what? …Animorphs. Huh. Yeah, sorry, we conked our head and got amnesia, so we don’t know much past what we just watched a few minutes ago. Anyways, now that that’s all sorted, join us to talk about this episode of Animorphs, The…
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EPISODE 27: Volleyball Baseball
Well, bad news, Sara’s name-morph lasted longer than 2 hours, so now she’s a namethlit. But that doesn’t matter, because Satah invented a new sport, and we’re gonna make millions off of it! We’re geniuses! Please don’t steal our ideas, we need this to make it through the next financial quarter.…
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EPISODE 26: A Flower Pretending To Be A Snake
The rumour come out: does Satah is correct? Yes. Absolutely. This a good TV show, and finally, all of the hosts agree. There will be no take-backs. Today we’re talking about Animorphs S01E11, in which the protagonist is inexplicably swapped, and then semi-explicably croc’d. On the “Does Tobias...
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EPISODE 25: Dope Therapy Lion
Well, Lulu did in fact morph her leg into a broken one! But she’s back now, and is extremely slowly de-morphing. Hopefully she doesn’t get stuck like this! Anyways, we have the first episode that Lulu actually liked! Wow! Some top quality acting out of Shawn Ashmore here. In addition to this...
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EPISODE 24: The Power of Friendship
Lulu gone done and morphed her leg into a broken leg, so Blair’s back to cover episode eight of the TV show! Much like the inside of Satah’s brain, this one’s all about Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. What’s going on with that guy? What’s Seerow’s Kindness? Is it less weird that Tobias isn’t here…
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EPISODE 23: Oatmeal Crimes
Welcome to the first ever live episode of The Wonder Yeerks! Lulu’s up in Toronto for EGLX, and Satah made the trip over to her hotel to record this episode in the flesh! Also, the gang has finally found a weapon to fight the yeerks, and it’s fuckin…oatmeal. Brown sugar oatmeal. Yeah, we don’t…
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EPISODE 22: The Cooler Ranch Morph
Well folks, remember how we said nobody gave a shit about Tobias being a nothlit? Remember how he almost killed himself in book three because he hated it so much? Yeah, me neither. Anyways, Visser Three throws a temper tantrum and we talk about whether Satah’s a furry! It’s The Message! In…
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EPISODE 21: No Gods, No Masters, Only Nut
Well, finally, Tobias is a nothlit. Like, officially. And they don’t spend any time on it! They get over it in like 2 seconds! This child is basically dead, but everyone’s pretty much okay with it! Which is super weird, honestly. Anyways, let’s get into Between Friends, which, well, I was about…
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