They Come to America
by Comedy Here Often? Podcast Network
Matt Marti and his sidekick Brendan Kelly are exploring what makes each of our fifty states tick. Each week, a guest will join Matt and they'll discuss some stuff that they've experienced in whatever state the random state generator has determined is the topic of the day. Nothing is safe! Not even New Mexico! A podcast NOT terribly concerned with historical accuracy or actual facts, They Come to America is an intimate exploration of whatever these jackoffs know about whatever state they're talking about. Come for the stories about a guy in a wheelchair flying down a random hill in South Dakota, stay because quarantine has dictated that you can't leave the country!
Episodes
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Ep. 65. New Jersey (Part 1)
Ah, New Jersey, where the men are angry sentient grease, the women are mistresses, the children are diners and strip malls, the young adults are pollution and capicola is gabagool. All this and more absolutely inexplicable nonsense as we're joined by Marti's future brother-in-law, Nick Tazza of...
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Ep. 64. Minnesota (Part 1)
Welcome to Minnesota featuring Tane Graves from the mighty Tightwire. Minnesota has been called a lot of things: the place where Fargo is (it's not), mean Wisconsin (eh..more true than you may think), and the Canadian south (completely true). Come for the snow, stay for the hot dish, then die and...
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Ep. 63. Return to America (Part One)
After what I'm sure seemed like an aimless 40-year roam through the desert without your favorite podcast, we're back! Friend of the show Tim Browne of Elway fame joins us once more and we do what we do best: aimlessly bullshit. There are facts! There are stories! And there's probably some other...
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Ep. 62. Pennsylvania (Part One)
We are joined by the star of Uncle Peckerhead, Jeff Riddle this week. Anyhow, what can we say about Pennsylvania that we couldn't say about any spot anywhere where people eat horseshit to celebrate sports victories and throw batteries at their enemies like some sort of perverse tradition? Come…
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Ep. 61. Georgia (Part One)
What can you say about Georgia that can't be said about John Wayne Gacy: it fucks children up for life, it's fat, it's adorable and every once in a while the incomparable Corey Ryan Forrester pulls out long enough for us to chat with him. This is one for the ages. Corey is a lot funnier than most...
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Ep. 60. Massachusetts (Part One)
Massholes, massdongs, masclams and mastits, get ready for the most uncompromisingly grating episode yet. This week we visit Massachusetts with Tom from new Red Scare Industries signees No Trigger. Massachusetts truly has everything: racists, chowder, racism, insufferable sports teams, and also...
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Ep. 59. Utah (Part One)
When the ground is salt and the beer is illegal, where do you turn? That's right, weird religion. Join us as we discuss the only state in America where you can kinda get away with having a few wives. We're happy to host Justin Yates, engineer to the stars, as we dissect this impossibly boring…
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Ep. 58. Stories!
What happens when you hit up your homie from Utah to do your podcast? His tour bus breaks down and he blows it completely. So instead, we bring you quite possibly the most epic They Come To America yet. Marti and Beex bring you facts about literally everything and stories from our Illinois lives....
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Ep. 56. Alaska (Part 1)
Ah, alaska, where the men are men and the women are holes in mattresses. Join us as we examine the absolutely stupidest state that people pretend to like just so they can try to seem interesting. Fun fact: Um, nope. there are none. Get ready to die, folks. that's what this state of preppers has...
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Ep. 55. California (Part 1)
Featuring Aaron SMALL HANDS Thompson, we delve into the state that literally has no redeeming qualities: California. Witness the majesty of the coastlines (yawn) and the grandiosity of the mountains (boring) and also all the weird monster energy drink neck tattoos you can possibly eat.
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Ep. 54. PatreOnly Fans
Join Marti and Brendan as they venture into the brave new world of OnlyFans, where there will be more content and probably a few shots of their testicles here and there. But wait! There's more! If you listen to this episode you'll be treated to not one, not two, but three stories about their...
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Ep. 53. West Virginia (Ft. Fat Mike)
Fat Mike of NOFX, the first guy everyone thinks of when they think of West Virginia, joins us to discuss the ins and outs of your cousin's underpants, the pharmacy, and the place where they cook the possum you just hit on the way into town. In other words, it's an oxy snorting, cousin humping,...
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Ep. 52. 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!
Well! It's They Come to America's one-year anniversary and we are gonna blow off a few fingers as we light a few Donald Trump-branded fireworks and then we're gonna get down to brass tacks. Facts? We got em. Stories about the two most totally hardcore American states ever: Texas and Vermont. We…
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Ep. 51. Alabama (Part 2)
Much like the average number of teeth of the average Alabamian, there are three of us on this sojourn into Alabama. We're joined by friend of the show Stu Thompson who rolled a little Tide in college and we discuss everything from what makes Alabama the physical embodiment of a cheeseburger...
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Ep. 50. Alabama (Part 1)
This week, we're in Alabama!
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Ep. 49. Maryland (Part 2)
This week: We brought the unbelievably funny and awesome Shane Torres to help us discuss the merriest land of them all: Maryland. What can you say about Maryland besides that it has a very regrettable accent? Well, down in the Chesapeake region, when you think rats, you think DC. When you think...
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Ep. 48. Maryland (Part 1)
We brought the unbelievably funny and awesome Shane Torres to help us discuss the merriest land of them all: Maryland. What can you say about Maryland besides that it has a very regrettable accent? Well, down in the Chesapeake region, when you think rats, you think DC. When you think...
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Ep. 47. Michigan (Part 2)
Just like when Michigan transformed from being a thriving and bustling auto making state with strong union affiliation into being a place where everyone is unemployed except your aunt who works for a pyramid scheme, and where the water pipes kill you, our podcast about Michigan also has a part…
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Ep. 46. Michigan (Part 1)
Featuring world-class visual artist Sean Nader! Remember when Michigan went out of business completely? So does Michigan. Join the likes of kid rock and that "it's so cold in the D" lady and basically everyone besides Eminem and ICP and let's talk about it. come for the highly offensive white...
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Ep 45. South Carolina (Part 2)
You thought North Carolina was a pigfuckerry? Wait till you hear about South Carolina. We're joined by Justin from the mighty Susto, we do a deep dive into the hegemonic infrastructure that now plagues modern America. Just kidding. We mostly talk about our dicks.
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Ep. 44. South Carolina (Part One)
You thought North Carolina was a pigfuckerry? Wait till you hear about South Carolina. We're joined by Justin from the mighty Susto, we do a deep dive into the hegemonic infrastructure that now plagues modern America. Just kidding. We mostly talk about our dicks.
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Ep. 43. Iowa (Part 2)
What can you say about Iowa that you can't say about Hitler: it's mostly white, very German, and has a disproportionate influence on national policy. Also, lots of corn. We're joined by Drew Johnson to discuss the finer points of the state that's name is literally the placeholder for "a place…
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Ep. 42. Iowa (Part 1)
What can you say about Iowa that you can't say about Hitler: it's mostly white, very German, and has a disproportionate influence on national policy. Also, lots of corn. We're joined by Drew Johnson to discuss the finer points of the state that's name is literally the placeholder for "a place…
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Ep 41. Arizona (Part 2)
John McCain! Not celebrating Martin Luther King Day! Horrifying anti-immigration laws, which is weird because they have the best burritos (bean and cheese wrapped in the yellow paper), colleges chock full of STDs, and the home of that guy that knocked out Danzig. That's right! This week we come…
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Ep 40. Arizona (Part 1)
John McCain! Not celebrating Martin Luther King Day! Horrifying anti-immigration laws, which is weird because they have the best burritos (bean and cheese wrapped in the yellow paper), colleges chock full of STDs, and the home of that guy that knocked out Danzig. That's right! This week we come…
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Ep. 39. Oklahoma (Part 2)
Featuring the handsome (some would say TOOO handsome) famed producer Mike Kennerty, also of the All American Rejects, we discuss the great panhandle state: Oklahoma: It's one of the last great bastions of indigenous people in this genocidal nation, it's got a weird thing where the beer has to…
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Ep. 38. Oklahoma (Part 1)
Featuring the handsome (some would say TOOO handsome) famed producer Mike Kennerty, also of the All American Rejects, we discuss the great panhandle state: Oklahoma: It's one of the last great bastions of indigenous people in this genocidal nation, it's got a weird thing where the beer has to…
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Ep. 37. Tennessee (Part 2)
Well, I'll be dipped in shit! Turns out we had some yarns to spin about our times in Tennessee and we dun fucked a few of our cousins just to keep the spirit of the culture alive. Also Elvis. But not really. Although Cory did bang one of his cousins in one of Elvis's cars (not actually one of his...
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Ep. 36. Tennessee
Tennessee. It's the subject of a song by Arrested Development (the hip hop group that wore bleached overalls, not the show starring Jessica Walter), and we're coming there this week to bang your cousins. We're joined by Cory Brannan, one of the greatest living artists producing true saloon music…
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Ep. 35. Illinois (Part 2)
Featuring the mighty Kyle Kinane! When Sufjan Stevens decided to make an album about all 50 states, he really blew it because he started a little too big with our very own Illinois, home of divisive pizza, incredible hotdogs, a mirrored bean that is actually cool, lots of soybeans as well as…
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Ep. 34. Illinois (Part 1)
Featuring the mighty Kyle Kinane! When Sufjan Stevens decided to make an album about all 50 states, he really blew it because he started a little too big with our very own Illinois, home of divisive pizza, incredible hotdogs, a mirrored bean that is actually cool, lots of soybeans as well as…
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Ep. 33. Wyoming (Part 2)
Finally, we've come to Wyoming, a state as square as its only 3 residents. Turns out, the birthplace of Taco Johns is actually a pretty cool place if you can overlook all the jingoistic hicks. Joining us is the amazing Sam Russo, a real honest to god British guy, and we discuss the thrill of the...
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Ep. 32. Wyoming
Finally, we've come to Wyoming, a state as square as its only 3 residents. Turns out, the birthplace of Taco Johns is actually a pretty cool place if you can overlook all the jingoistic hicks. Joining us is the amazing Sam Russo, a real honest to god British guy, and we discuss the thrill of the...
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Ep. 31. Connecticut (Part 2)
Brendan's Road to the Skeleton Coast co-host Tim Crisp tells us a story from childhood about going to the Radio104 Big Day Off in Hartford and almost meeting the guy from the Replacements"
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Ep. 30. Connecticut (Part One)
Such a great state we only needed a guest for the second half. Come for the uh…chowder? Stay for the ice dildo porn
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Ep. 29. Nebraska (Part 2)
Welcome to Nebraska, where the men are men, the women are livestock, and apparently, there's a whole ton of weird things going on with defecation. We're joined by world-renowned comedian Zach Peterson and we discuss everything from liquor laws to unwritten laws about not being certain races in...
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Ep. 28. Nebraska (Part 1)
Welcome to Nebraska, where the men are men, the women are livestock, and apparently, there's a whole ton of weird things going on with defecation. We're joined by world-renowned comedian Zach Peterson and we discuss everything from liquor laws to unwritten laws about not being certain races in...
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Ep. 27. Rhode Island (Part 2)
It's not a road, it's not an island. It's barely a landmass but it IS the place that we got the unbelievable Nuno Pereira of the completely "holy shit, even more intensity?" band of virtuosos, A Willhelm Scream to come in and seriously flex his Massachusetts accent when necessary. No one is safe:...
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Ep. 26. Rhode Island (Part 1)
It's not a road, it's not an island. It's barely a landmass but it IS the place that we got the unbelievable Nuno Pereira of the completely "holy shit, even more intensity?" band of virtuosos, A Willhelm Scream to come in and seriously flex his Massachusetts accent when necessary. No one is safe:...
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Ep. 25. Colorado (Part 2)
What has enormous (ahem) peaks, a square body, and is constantly letting stoners enter them unquestioningly? If you said that girl that's on the mattress out behind the Mexican restaurant, you clearly have forgotten about the great state of Colorado, replete with towering snowcapped majestic...
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Ep. 24. Colorado (Part 1)
What has enormous (ahem) peaks, a square body, and is constantly letting stoners enter them unquestioningly? If you said that girl that's on the mattress out behind the Mexican restaurant, you clearly have forgotten about the great state of Colorado, replete with towering snowcapped majestic...
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Ep. 23 Wisconsin
What does a cop in a jockstrap and breakaway pants, cheddar cheese, rampant alcoholism, an accent that makes Minnesota and Chicago sound like nice inflections by comparison, and a guy who used to keep dicks in his fridge have in common? That's right! They are all right at home in Wisconsin! We're...
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Ep. 22. Florida (Part 2)
This week Marti and his humble steed dr. Beexo brave the wild swamps of Florida where the people are wasted, the syphilis and meth rage with the power of a thousand godless suns and the faces are edible. James bowman of against me lends a little much needed dignity to this sordid affair.
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Ep. 21. Florida (Part 1)
This week Marti and his humble steed Dr. Beexo brave the wild swamps of Florida where the people are wasted, Syphilis and meth rage with the power of a thousand godless suns, and the faces are edible. James Bowman of Against Me lends a little much-needed dignity to this sordid affair.
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Ep. 20. Hawaii
The map of the state of Hawaii is evocative of many things, not the least of which is a splash of semen across your mom's back, but we're not dwelling on that. This week we're joined by legendary musician and label owner Mike Park and we talk meth, spam, gorgeous beaches, and what it was like…
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Ep. 19. Virginia (Part Two!)
We're back with America's mom: Tim Barry of avail! Virginia is for lovers, for dead strippers, and um…guys with weird dreadlocks. Part two is better than part one so strap in and hold onto your last few teeth.
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Ep. 18. Virginia (Part One!)
Virginia punk rock legend Tim Barry of Avail stops hopping trains to tell us all about…well, he said he didn't have any stories, but everything he says is a story, so strap in for round one of Virginia shenanigans.
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Ep. 17. North Carolina (part 2!)
And like magic, Magic Mike Casey has returned to finish telling us about the only Carolina cooler than South Carolina. Come for the experiences and bbq, stay because Mike made you disappear.
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Ep. 16. North Carolina (Part One!)
Uh oh! It's magic. To discuss our experiences in the vastly cooler of the Carolina, we enlisted magician to the stars, Mike Casey, who somehow split this episode in two with nothing up his sleeve
About this show
Matt Marti and his sidekick Brendan Kelly are exploring what makes each of our fifty states tick. Each week, a guest will join Matt and they'll discuss some stuff that they've experienced in whatever state the random state generator has determined is the topic of the day. Nothing is safe! Not even New Mexico! A podcast NOT terribly concerned with historical accuracy or actual facts, They Come to America is an intimate exploration of whatever these jackoffs know about whatever state they're talking about. Come for the stories about a guy in a wheelchair flying down a random hill in South Dakota, stay because quarantine has dictated that you can't leave the country!
Hosted by
Comedy Here Often? Podcast Network
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