PODCAST · comedy
Three Bean Salad
by Three Bean Salad
A podcast from comedians Mike Wozniak, Henry Paker and Benjamin Partridge. Each week the three beans tackle a different theme, suggested by the listening audience.
Episodes
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Trees
Which tree are you? The graceful and ethereal silver birch? The proud and stately elm? The feeble and foul-smelling Bradford pear tree? Click HERE to find out with our online quiz and to receive lifelong, military-grade, North Korean malware! Thank you to Eleanor of Bristol for this week’s topic...
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Cowboys
In many ways podcasters are the cowboys of today (excepting the actual cowboys of today of course) but instead of horses we ride ergonomic chairs, instead of slinging guns we sling mouths and our bullets - lukewarm banter. Thanks to Will of no location given for this week’s topic. Join our…
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Fifth Wednesday semi-demi-non-ep
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday September and we only do four episodes a month because of the podcasters' union) Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad Merch now available here…
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Soup
Soup of the day is lukewarm banter! That’s right, Max of Bremen has poured soup into the bean machine. Rest assured the beans shall treat this week’s liquid topic as scrupulously they would any solid one. With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw. Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and...
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Dancing
We are not the only species that dances but we are the only one that has Dancercise. With that in mind, perhaps it is worth reflecting on the often misquoted words of 17th century poet and scholar John Donne: “Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Dancercise. Therefore never…
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Taxis
Taxi drivers in the UK are exempt from having to wear seatbelts so that their passengers have one less thing to strangle them with mid-journey - a sobering little fact and one which perhaps illustrates the nature of the relationship between cabbies and their fares through the ages. Thanks to Phil...
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Musicals
It is known that EVERY event is better when punctuated by songs (hence hymns, national anthems, Auld Lang Syne etc). It stands to reason therefore that the musical is the apogee of human endeavour. Can you imagine then the excitement of the beans when this week’s topic was barfed out of The Bean...
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August Anti-sode
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September) Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad
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Fifth Wednesday Ersatz Episode
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of Andy Burnham)
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Frogs
Whatever happened to The Frog Chorus? Were Paul McCartney’s erstwhile collaborators merely one hit wonders? Or, more than four decades on from the release of their smash hit single “We All Stand Together”, might we see them dusting off their vocal sacs and hitting the road alongside so many other...
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Stationary
Can anything ever truly be still (apart from David Blaine)? Perhaps this is what Lou of Bend, Oregon would have the beans ponder by suggesting “stationary” as this week’s topic. Or perhaps Lou is in the middle of getting stalked by a brown bear and, while playing dead and only able to operate a...
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Village Fêtes
Samuel of 84a High Street selects village fêtes as this week’s topic for the beans. You may well ask yourself why Samuel has made this choice and wonder if perhaps Samuel was never voted as Village Fête Prince or if Samuel’s motorised float never podiumed or if Samuel shoved his hand in a lucky…
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The Roman Empire
Plumbers. Noon. The Planets. Just a few of the things that probably wouldn’t even exist today if it weren’t for the Roman Empire probably. And here’s another one: Luke from Bolton via Bremen. Little wonder then that he chose it as this week’s topic for the Three Bean Salad Podcast (which…
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Seaside Towns
Seaside towns have had a shaky reputation ever since the people of Hastings lifted the rope for those meddlesome Normans. Almost a millennium on is it time their notoriety was reassessed? Owen of Rhyl thinks yes and that the people for the task are beans three. Join our PATREON for ad-free…
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The Circus
People often say it’s not the size of a clown’s trousers that matters but the state of the custard pie in the clown’s pocket. Perhaps that’s something we should all reflect on more deeply with peak circus season fast approaching. No doubt that’s what Charlotte was thinking when she luzzed “The...
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Agatha Christie
Agatha Christie has had her works translated into more languages than any other author in history according to the most superficial of Googlings. But would she have given a monkey’s? It’s impossible to know and fruitless to ask so why Alan of the Surrey Borders entered her name into the Bean...
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Martial Arts
Munashe of Birmingham kicks of a new season of the Three Bean Salad by feeding the topic of martial arts into the Bean Machine. So far the Bean Machine hasn’t awoken abruptly from a deep trance-like state to say the words “I know Kung Fu” but you’ll know when it does because it will quickly lead…
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Free Patreon episode - And Then Sparrows Took Their Eyes - Three Brothers Grimm Tales
A freebie Patreon episode to give you a taste of what we do over there. Henry tells Mike and Ben three stories by the Brothers Grimm. www.patreon.com/threebeansalad
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Fifth Wednesday Not-A-Lotta-Podda
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday April and we only do four episodes a month because of tidal science) Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad
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Smells
The bean machine emits most known smells most days as a byproduct of its relentless toil. In a few short moments the aromas belched forth could be resinous, minty, jazzy, agricultural or anything in between. Something it has never spat out, however, is the topic of smells but that’s all changed…
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Vitamins
Josh of Deep South Texas brings the beans (via the bean machine) the topic of vitamins this week. Perfect timing as this week sees the launch of Three Bean Salad’s Vita-Plex injections for glossier skin and lukewarmer banter. For just 99.99.99 in any currency of your choice you can receive...
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Show Us Your Onions
The Moon landings. The fall of the Berlin Wall. The conviction of Al Capone. Everyone remembers exactly where they were when the news broke of these landmark moments in history. Well get memorising your surroundings people because it’s about to happen again. That’s right. None of your...
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Saints
This week the Bean Machine stopped weeping tears of fresh, semi-skimmed milk for the first time in four years and spat out the topic of saints as submitted by Nathan of Bristol. Which cosmic force acted through Nathan to prompt his submission we cannot know. Nor indeed is it clear if this is the...
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Moving House
What truly separates mankind from other species is our irrepressible urge to shove things that are far bigger than the aperture of our dwellings into our dwellings. Some members of mankind will, at points in their lives, increase the size of their dwellings or move to bigger dwellings, but it is...
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The Olympics
Charlie of Loughborough feeds The Olympics into the bean machine for this week’s lukewarm topic. Any of Henry, Mike or Ben could definitely have been a gold medal winning olympian if they’d only had the right opportunities, encouragement, childhood pets, funding, early surgical interventions,...
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Chickens
The chicken. Tuna Of The Fields. The Bishop’s Rest. The Pauper’s Goose. Captain Susan’s Seed Hoover. El Punzón Que Vuela. The Crap Eagle. That it goes by so many names is, perhaps, proof of its profound impact on our culture through the ages. Katherine of Boston can surely be forgiven then for...
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The Coastguard
The coastguard is this week’s topic at the behest of Cat of Ontario, Canada. Given the fact that Canada is the nation with the longest coastline in the world perhaps Cat is hoping to find out whether or not Canada also has the longest coastguards? Although, if so, given that Cat is not only from...
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Road Trips
According to facts there are more roads in the world now than at any point in history: the A49, Route Sixty-Something, Thunder Road etc and so on. Surely, therefore, there is no better time than now to buckle up and listen to a podcast about road trips. Thanks to Josh of Bristol for the topic and...
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Cavemen
The Caveman. Stone Age creature. Witness of the dawn of humanity. He knows only that he must survive and that he must survive only to procreate so that one fine, lukewarm dawn his afterbears might emerge from the cave with enough opposable brain cells to be able to work out how to record a…
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Memory
If a tree fell in the forest and made no sound why do you remember it so clearly? And when was this? Pre-Covid? And what on Earth was Derek doing there? And why does this memory have an original score composed by Sting and is that score what’s muddying the whole “did the tree make a sound” waters...
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Bodybuilders
Emily of Oxford tunes in to the vibes of a brand new year and reckons what the world needs to hear about from the beans is bodybuilders. It’s a well judged move and who better to pick the perfectly toned meat off this topic than three men who at any point in their lives could have tried a bit of...
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Film Corner - Avatar: Fire And Ash
The beans convene an emergency Film Corner to watch James Cameron's latest visit to the alien paradise of Pandora. Film Corner episodes are usually Patreon-only. To join our Patreon visit http://www.patreon.com/threebeansalad
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Ratmas 2025
For reasons we can't fully remember, last year at Ratmas-tide we read out 12 rat anecdotes sent in by listeners. Well, it's back again and this time it's live and writhing, like so many rats. Merry Ratmas! Thanks to our pianist Freddie Tapner and our guest Isy Suttie. Join our PATREON for ad-free...
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Organised Crime
The very latest statistics make it clear that, given the pervasiveness of organised crime worldwide, at least 2 regular listeners of Three Bean Salad must be directly involved in some Mob or other (and most likely at a middle-management level). But who are they? And do they know each other? Are...
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Laundry
How and where and why and when and if do you wash your undergarments? Presumably this is a conversation Douglas from Michigan wishes to prompt across the world as he top-loads laundry into the bean machine and sets it to lukewarm without a second thought as to whether or not Bonjo’s in the middle...
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Neighbours
The beans return refreshed, carefully groomed and oiled in all the right places for a new season of lukewarm banter. First up: neighbours, courtesy of Nicole of Oregon. Tune in for a heady mix of truth bombs and real talk washed down with half a pint of nitty-gritty. With thanks to our editor…
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It's November And This Episode Isn't An Episode
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December) Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad Tickets for our Glasgow show, plus live streams for our London tour date, Bonjo's House Of Pain and Ratmas:...
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Fifth Wednesday Pod Replacement Pod
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of mindfulness) Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad Tickets for our Glasgow show, plus live streams for our London…
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Town Planning
As our days grow shorter and our ear hair grows longer what better to reflect upon than the righteous placement of bollards and ethical commercial land zoning. Thank you then to Dan from Saint Bremen who has offered up town planning as this week’s source of lukewarm banter. Whatever you think you...
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Donkey Milk Soap
Even the most disciplined podcasters in the world are susceptible to the occasional whoopsie. So it is with this episode which, owing to circumstances outside but mostly inside the beans’ control, contains no listener topic suggestion but does contain a discourse on donkey milk soap which…
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Antarctica
It’s a lukewarm take on the Antarctic this week owing to the actions of Mark from near Colliers Wood. We all know that the Antarctic holds strong appeal for scientists who either A) can’t work out how else to avoid a conventional domestic life or B) are waiting out the clock on a statute of...
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Sunday Roasts
Lee of the Black Country wants the beans discuss Sunday roasts this week, presumably because he’s not allowed to have one himself this weekend. But why not? Was he rude to a policeman? Did he throw a wobbly when feeling overwhelmed at an unanticipated bridge toll-booth? Has he been telling fibs...
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Extreme Sports
In WW2 a shortage of materials led to parachute silk often being recycled into knickers and vice versa. In honour of this the beans continue to send their underpants to His Majesty’s Armed Forces today, even in peacetime. But who the blazes is using this precious commodity for recreational…
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Kitchen Gadgets
This week the beans tackle kitchen gadgets thanks to Tymon of Poland. Currently there are no legal restrictions on or requirements for the personal use of vegetable spiralizers in domestic, industrial, galley or toy kitchens. We exist in a legislative black hole so this episode couldn’t be more...
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Australia
People are known to have travelled from Bristol to Australia and vice versa on various occasions and sometimes more than once. Given these strong links it shouldn’t come as a shock that Loz of Bristol reckons this week’s topic for the beans ought to be Australia. Let’s bean. With thanks to our...
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Noodles
Sam of Aurora slung noodles into the bean machine, and the beans attacked it with relish, going deep on the topic in such a way that you'll never look at a noodle, or even tagliatelle, in the same way again. You thought you knew what noodles were, well think on friend. And then think some more…
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Free Patreon episode - And Then Sparrows Took Their Eyes: Hans The Hedgehog
A freebie Patreon episode to give you a taste of the sort of thing we do over there. Henry tells Mike and Ben the story of Hans The Hedgehog. www.patreon.com/threebeansalad
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It's August! Non-Ep!
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September) Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad TOUR TICKETS: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/
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Fifth Wednesday Not-A-Pod Pod
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of an EU directive) Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.com Get…
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Hiking
Hailey of Guildford offers up hiking as a topic for the beans this week which is nothing to be ashamed of. Just as the cardinal rule of the hiker is to leave no trace of themselves on the landscape, the lukewarm banter of the beans will pass through your mindscape with the firm promise to leave…
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
A podcast from comedians Mike Wozniak, Henry Paker and Benjamin Partridge. Each week the three beans tackle a different theme, suggested by the listening audience.
HOSTED BY
Three Bean Salad
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Three Bean Salad have?
Three Bean Salad currently has 216 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Three Bean Salad about?
A podcast from comedians Mike Wozniak, Henry Paker and Benjamin Partridge. Each week the three beans tackle a different theme, suggested by the listening audience.
How often does Three Bean Salad release new episodes?
Three Bean Salad publishes regularly with 216 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Three Bean Salad?
You can listen to Three Bean Salad on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Three Bean Salad?
Three Bean Salad is created and hosted by Three Bean Salad.
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