To Be Continued with Cristela Alonzo

After a long hiatus, I'm finally back with another episode where I decided to come clean about myself. I think people always think they know me but really, I keep a lot to myself. I chose to upload it today because today I made a MAJOR announcement and wanted to talk about it in depth. I also want to give a shout-out to my four listeners. I hope you're still around!

I'm back with a new episode where I thank my new (and old) supporters and talk about how being in the middle can be a great thing. Also, talk about mental health and how it affects me and how I treat myself....and the Cowboys. lol

This week I talk about my toy/retro video game haul that I got in San Jose while doing shows at the IMPROV with my friends Steve Halasz and Jerry Rocha and how buying old stuff can unlock moments that bring back memories and remind you of times when you were happy. Sometimes we need that reminder.

I went to Wrestlemania 39 last week. Grew up a wrestling fan and had some people criticize it because "it isn't real." It made me realize how much people LOVE to judge things people might like because THEY think it's weird or lame. My point is: If it makes you happy....who cares? It's hard to find joy sometimes. When you find it, don't let it go.

This week, I talk about how it's been over a year since we last talked! Haha...the video of this podcast will be available on YouTube. I also talk about being tired and busy and what I've been up to. For example, I just got back from Mexico City working on something!

I just wanted to do a quick episode to say "It's The Next Year!" to everyone. I'm saying this instead of Happy New Year's because why give you the pressure of trying to be happy if you don't feel like it? I decide to randomly do a list of five things I remember of the top of my head about 2021....not good or bad....also, I mention NFTs but I don't know what they are?

This episode was recorded on Christmas as a Christmas gift to all of my four listeners. In this episode I catch everyone up on where I've been and what my year has been like. It's had ups and downs and guess what? I'm still here. I talk a little bit about writing a Lifetime Christmas movie, hosting Legends of The Hidden Temple and preparing to shoot my second Netflix stand-up special!

This week, I talk about having a baby...my niece NOT me though I do like to eat for two but that's another story and seriously...can we make a Lego set of Los Bukis a real thing?

I finally made a new episode of my podcast and explain how the struggle I have with doing my podcast is the question that makes me wonder if I'm doing "enough" for people to want to listen. I always catch up everyone on what I've been up to...like writing a Lifetime Christmas movie with a predominately Latino cast, directed by an awesome female director and why I'm so into vintage clothes lately.

This week, my listeners realize I'm back after taking months hiatus to try to help save democracy. Did it work? We still don't know! Starting the year with a new podcast to catch people up. Also, for the first time ever, I talk about my birthday in public and about roller skating.

In this week's podcast, I talk about what projects I've been working on lately, my work with the Joe Biden campaign and why the Trump presidency feels like what the name of this episode is: The Last Four Years Feels Like I Get A Daily Paper Cut And Touch Lemons!!!

This week, I break down why the media is not "a virus" and how I love when I ask people to unfollow me because they support a racist. Also, I talk about the magic of Latino supermarkets and why our spending power is a tool we need to learn how to use more...I'm not talking to Goya anymore, it knows what it did.

It's time we talk about the importance of wearing masks during a pandemic where people are dying....and how not wanting to wear one because it's about freedom is the dumbest thing I've heard. Go run into a burning building after fire fighters tell you not to because of "FREEDOM" then....(insert eye roll here)

This week, I talk about breaking all of my four listeners' hearts last week when I DIDN'T podcast. Also, I talk about why we like to celebrate the worst parts of our history and pretend like those were the good old days. And....why my VERY Catholic mom taught me to support LGBTQ.

This week, I introduce my best friend Steve to my four listeners. If you follow me on social media or have seen me on tour, then you know him. We got people from IG to have Steve ask me questions they wanted the answers to because he knows, I don't really like to get too personal...

In this week's episode, I talk about why I support the protests and talk a little about why it's important to support the movement and make sure you don't insert yourself into it. There's really nothing more to say about it.

This week, I talk about my love of space and science, I break down my breakdown from 2018-2019 because it's Mental Health Awareness Month and the thing I'm into this week is money...YOUR money!

This week, I dive into why I LOVE scary movies but also what is wrong with them and talk about why I’m wearing workout clothes but not working out. Also, I talk about how I’m the kind of person that makes playlists about playlists.

This week, I break down low-budget health care and talk about what it was like translating action movies for my mom as a kid. Also, I list all the video game consoles/systems I have and talk about Animal Crossing. Did I mention I'm single? Pew Pew.

This week, I talk about the importance of Cinco de Mayo, one of the holiest holidays for my Mexican community and how I'm having a hard time understanding it's May. Also, I go on about comic book movies and how I want to give people bricks.

This week, I talk about how the most helpful thing to get me through a pandemic was growing up poor because I've been going without necessities my entire life. I also talk about how I'm a proud plant mom and talk about what the hell "Planturday" is. Also, I talk about my phone because why on earth would I name my episode that and NOT talk about my phone?

During this time of a global pandemic, I have decided to give myself a makeover because I have great timing. Sure, why not? It turns out, this time has been serving as a reset button for myself and I somehow end up talking about how even Barbie gets in a bad mood sometimes. Trust me, it all makes sense.

This week, I'm at the point where I've lost all concept of time and how because of that, I ended up exploring the world of conspiracy theories. Also, I talk about the resurrection of a long, lost skill I forgot I had.

JULY 30, 2018: In episode #12, I talk about my return to social media after months of absence to focus on myself. I get honest about what has been going on with me, including changes that have made me take control of my life better and I talk about the importance of taking care of yourself mentally/physically. Oh, and I throw a little Star Trek: The Next Generation chat in there too.

In episode #11, I talk about how heavy rain makes me homesick, my trip to Sacramento to see my friend on her first day as State Assemblymember, and how I spent my birthday. The thing I'm into this week is watching videos of the ocean, reigniting my love of science. I end by checking in on how everyone's "resolutions" (goals) are going and remind people to not be so hard on themselves. THE MOTTO OF 2018 IS 'KEEP TRYING!' 🇲🇽❤️🇺🇸

In episode #10, I talk about how I brought in the new year sick and discuss how against New Year's resolutions I am while still talking about the importance of having goals (there's a difference). I tell you what I want for 2018 are (hint: new stand-up special/tour) and I talk about how writing a book is hard but also...how much I like a good challenge.🇲🇽❤️🇺🇸

In episode #9, I talk about how creating more structure in my life is helping me to succeed more, how I've been taught to do everything for everyone yet still neglect myself, and my new obsession this week are pajamas and robes because it wasn't until I became an adult that I realized some people have enough money to have a separate wardrobe just for sleeping and now I'm all about it! 🇲🇽❤️🇺🇸

I talk about how families used to rent VHS tapes for fun, why it's so hard for me to wear nice clothes, my disappointment in the internet and my new OBSESSION is called 'wogging.'

This episode discusses what happens what ignorant people say when they're allowed to be as hateful as they want and remain anonymous. I posted about my mother coming to this country and Twitter let me have it. HOW DARE SHE COME TO THE US ILLEGALLY? OH SHE CAME HERE LEGALLY? HOW DARE SHE COME TO THE US LEGALLY THEN??

I'm a tomboy. I never understood why so many people (throughout my life) feel the constant need to criticize me and tell me that I'm not woman enough. I don't wear makeup all the time, I like wearing sneakers....and of course, that means I'll never get married and have kids....because you know, me liking sneakers means I'm going to die a spinster.

This week, I talk about how innovative my mom was in making things last. I'm reminded by it because this past weekend, I met so many mothers at the Mother's Day show I did and it made me nostalgic. I also discuss great and terrible songs I used to love and why being a maid was my dream growing up.

In this episode, I get nostalgic over my breakfast, which leads me to talk about my favorite day of the week growing up. I also discuss how I don't get it when people get annoyed with "how much I talk about being Latina" (seriously, I don't get it) and we start tapping into my love of sci-fi, which I'm sure won't be the last time we delve into this. We also talk about what I'm into this week....

This is my first episode and know that not everyone will know who I am so this is an introduction where I tell you a little bit about myself.