Tough Discussions

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

No, this is not a holier-than-thou rant about the commercialisation of love and all that nonsense. It's a deeper take on what your approach to Valentine's Day says about the quality of your love life. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Advisors who sound nice and insightful may not be informed about the problem that you may be experiencing. If you are uncertain or unclear, or even mistaken about the problem that you think you need to solve, you will go down the wrong rabbit hole and create more problems instead of solving the ones you have. A good advisor will help you identify the real issue rather than issues that your emotional experience may convince you is the problem. That’s the difference between a good or bad advisor.A bad advisor validates your feelings and has little informed wisdom about why you feel that way, while a good advisor acknowledges your feelings and redirects your attention towards how to navigate the problem to achieve a good outcome. Choose carefully who you take as an advisor. Your quality of life literally depends on it. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Navigating your grief, or understanding how to show up for someone close to you in their grief can be daunting. In this discussion, we unpack grief in a way that is relatable and human. No psychobabble. No mantras.No prescriptions. Just understanding. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

New year’s resolutions are so last year. And the year ahead will be filled with even more tired puns if you don’t do things more purposefully than before. Be grounded in hope with purpose, rather than just wishes and dreams without a plan. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Understanding the impact that you have on your children will allow you to make more informed parenting decisions about how you’re raising them. A child with a low or unhealthy self-esteem is more likely to be drawn into the fake promises or unrealistic appeal of those out to manipulate them. Realising the impact of your approach to giving them space and connecting with them will create opportunity to add depth and substance to your relationship with your child without blurring the lines of parenting. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Your character is defined by what you think of yourself, while you social stature is about what others think of you.When you focus on social stature, you become a slave to social expectations and lose yourself to how others respond to you. When you focus on character, on substance, on what connects with purpose in your life, you’ll attract the social stature that has merit from those who recognise your credibility as a person. The easiest way to lose yourself to your flex is to invest more appreciation and gratitude in what others think of you and what you have, than you do in what you think of your progression in life and how you affect the lives of those who are important to you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

The problem is greater than appears on the surface because men, unlike women, generally lack the emotional competence to explain how they feel or why they feel that way beyond their immediate reaction to something. This is not necessarily a deficiency, it’s just how men rationalise life, and the world around them. Watch this episode to gain fresh perspectives about what makes a man tick, and what it says about a man who takes no pride in showing up for those around him. Without intending to, it seems like we started a discussion that is apt for the month of November that is dedicated to men’s mental health. Tell me what you think. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

This is a bold but insightful discussion looking closer at the feminist movement and its impact on society. Far from diminishing the importance of its objectives, this discussion explores whether the approach and its origins are improving society, or simply reversing the harm that they set out to address. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Perhaps the reason why generational wealth is being discarded in favour of contemporary trends in mainstream mental health is because we talk about why things are important, but we don’t create opportunity to experience it. We pass on generational wisdom by living the values with our families, and not by reprimanding them into compliance about it. It is the value of what we believe is important that must be conveyed, and not just the practice of traditions and rituals because of our need to maintain a cultural identity. In this episode, we unpack the wisdom that has been lost to modernism in the hope of inspiring a reconnection with what creates a cohesive social structure rather than blaming social media for all our ills. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

The trend of cutting off parents for emotionally charged reasons is massively detrimental to the long-term wellbeing of all affected persons. This is especially true for the children of the ones who are cutting off ties with extended family members, and especially they own parent, leaving the children without a set of grandparents. Cutting people off in general usually solves the wrong problem and creates many new and even bigger problems. Before you follow the trendsetters and influencers who, for the most part, do not even have meaningful life experiences you may want to consider some fresh perspectives about whether or not cutting people out of your life is in fact good for you, let alone them. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

In today’s episode, we continue the discussion from last week where we unpacked what happiness is really about. This is not a philosophical or theoretical discussion. As always, we keep it real and practical. You know how it goes. If you don’t understand a problem well enough, you will struggle to find a solution to it. If you’re not aware of your understanding falling short, you’ll convince yourself that the problem cannot be solved because you’ve tried everything. This is absolutely true about our pursuit of happiness, and pretty much our efforts at trying to create a life worth living. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

The myths about happiness make it all the more elusive. If it was a choice, there would be no unhappy people in this world.Everyone wants to be happy. Unfortunately, if we don’t realise how we may be getting into our own way, we may end up blaming people, society, or even fate for our misfortunes.Watch this episode to get fresh insights that may be exactly what you need to reboot your efforts to create that life that you long for. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Focusing on addiction is like focusing on the river that is overflowing without considering where all that excess water is coming from. Was it a dam burst upstream, or was it unexpected downpours? Understanding why something is happening equips us to better deal with the consequences of it happening because most often, we cannot prevent life from happening. That’s why it is so important to understand the reasons behind our various addictions and bad habits so that we resolve the real issue, rather than consuming our time with coping mechanisms and tools. It is more beneficial to focus on the reasons for addiction rather than focusing on the unhealthy or destructive coping mechanisms that present themselves as addictions. For a fresh perspective, check out this episode that focuses on taking a healthier and more sustainable approach to dealing with addiction and addictive behaviours. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Your self-esteem is not a narrative or internal dialogue that you hold with yourself. That’s just you having a conversation with yourself about yourself. Your self-esteem is a state of being. It is not something you can choose for yourself but rather something that is shaped by the choices that you make for yourself. We make ourselves available to what we believe we are deserving of. Similarly, we lose ourselves to what we think we are incapable of rising above. Your self-esteem is shaped by what you believe to be true about life, about what you believe you’re capable of, and by what space you think others willingly hold for you. Note, it’s all about how you see things, not how others treat you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

It's easy to put people in boxes and then blame them for not climbing out of it. But what if that says more about you than it does about them? As always, we challenge the mainstream gobbledygook about mental health because that is the most polite way of me saying that it is a load of hogwash that makes therapists lots of money but does very little to solve real life problems. In this episode of my series of interviews on Eastwave FM with Nazia Salejie, we once again tackle the difficult questions about mental health myths that have led us down the garden path and destroyed many good homes and relationships. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

If you think that toxic people are the problem, then there’s a chance that you may be seen as toxic yourself by those around you.It’s not about the label, it’s about the distraction that labelling others causes. Who is justified and who isn’t in defending or accusing or even judging others? If you think it’s your therapist, then what gives them enough insight into who you are, or who your partner is that allows them to explain with authority the motives behind their behaviour?This is not as simple as it may seem on the surface. And it most certainly creates more problems in relationships and in life than it solves. Watch the full episode to gain valuable fresh perspectives on this important part of how we show up for others, and what we expect from them. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Most people go through life avoiding negative outcomes while convinced that they’re pursuing positive outcomes. This hidden motive that drives us is what eventually causes burn out and chronic illness. Working to avoid something is infinitely more stressful than working towards something that you’re passionate about. In this radio interview with Nazia Salejie from our local community radio station, East Wave 92.2 FM, we unpack the hustle culture in a way that makes sense without any psychobabble to confuse you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

The absence of critical thinking is what feeds mob mentality, cultist behaviour, and blind following. If we were to evaluate our effectiveness as an Ummah, how would we fare relative to such criticisms? Do we resemble the Ummah of the first three generations of Islam, or do we resemble the circles of ignorance that are destroying humanity?Critical thinking is what makes reflection possible. In the absence of critical thinking, reflection becomes nothing more than self-indulgent validation rather than true course correction. Are you a critical thinker or a blind follower, or do you find yourself struggling somewhere between those points on the continuum of maturity? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

The issue of Palestine has dominated current affairs and social commentary for at least 2 years now. However, the carnage continues, and the apathy has not meaningfully shifted from the global population either. I think it’s time to focus on the human factor in a more direct way rather than the emotive themes that have been saturating this side of the conversation. Take a listen and tell me if I’m missing the point or not. But, as always, challenge my perspectives, not me as a person. Peace. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Forgiveness is more than letting go or moving on. Forgiveness is about intent, understanding, purpose, and deep personal reflection rather than fixation on how others may have behaved. If we focus on the right to forgive, we lose sight of whether our perceived offence has merit. Sometimes it’s obvious and easy to identify who is right or wrong. But when it comes to personal relationships, this is often so subjective that it results in an impasse or a stalemate where both parties believe that they’re right.Navigating the opportunity for forgiveness or reconciliation under such circumstances is what truly tests our motives and understanding of what forgiveness is truly about. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

In this episode of my podcast series, I reflect on the relevance of life’s struggles relative to the mainstream mental health narrative and how that may be misleading us.Everyone wants peace and fulfilment and to feel significant. To feel like they matter. So, if everyone is pursuing the same goals, why is it that we are always counterproductive in our efforts?What I mean is, every one of those goals require harmony with others, yet we actively work against that harmony because of a low self-esteem.Which begs the question, what are we constantly getting horribly wrong about mental health if something this obvious is so elusive? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Narcissism is as much about perception as it is about interpretation. If we’re careless in holding ourselves accountable for the conclusions that we draw from what we observe in others, we may be the narcissists that we accuse them of being. Mindfulness, self-awareness, self-respect, and a desire to consciously claim our dignity in moments of difficulty is what creates opportunity to thrive and rise above the challenges that life throws at us. However, before we can develop that healthier sense of self, we first need to understand who we really are rather than who we simply intended to be in moments that left others questioning our motives. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

In this two-part interview with Haafidha Rayhaana from Radio Islam community radio station here in South Africa, we break it down in ways that will be sure to give you a fresh perspective on mental health and the so-called disorders. This is not theory or wishful thinking. This is a deep discussion questioning the logic and understanding that we take for granted just because it has become mainstream pop-psychology culture that everyone blindly believes. What if we’re getting it so wrong that by seeing it from a fresh perspective, we finally find answers to the questions that plague us about so many important relationships that we struggle to maintain? Watch this episode, and the forthcoming second part, to gain a more meaningful understanding of the universal truths that make us human. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Procrastination, like laziness and even happiness, is a consequence of how we feel about what we are doing, or what we are required to do. If you only focus on how much you’re not getting done, you won’t pause to consider why it is that you have no inclination or reason to prioritise any of it in the first place. What we do in life reflects what we value or what we’re afraid of. Procrastination falls in both domains, inspiration and fear. In this episode, I unpack the many myths about procrastination and mental health so that you don’t keep fighting yourself in your efforts to do better. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

In your moments of reflection, are you reflecting on who you are and what shaped you, or are you consumed by what you think others think of you, or your struggles to get them to think kindly of you? Most people don’t see themselves when they look in the mirror. They look at everything that is lacking, everything that is worth celebrating because it makes them popular or attractive, or they look at the ravages of life in their eyes. If we don’t know what defines who we are, we may only discover too late in life that we never really saw ourselves to begin with. Imagine getting to your twilight years and discovering that you only just started to see yourself without the lens of society or family or partners distorting what you think of yourself? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

If we need others to receive the love that we want to give we won’t take time to understand how they need to be loved. When we lose sight of that, we’ll end up finding much reason to believe that our love is taken for granted while being totally oblivious to the fact that they may have good reason not to feel seen, let alone loved. As always, we see others only as clearly as we see ourselves. In this episode, I offer alternate perspectives and insight into why our sincerest efforts at building an amazing relationship may fall short for all the wrong reasons. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Without understanding what shaped our character, our nature, or our personality type, we risk going through life surrendering to just being who we are despite how many times we get in our own way. Who we are is a consequence of what we took from the many experiences of our lives since our moments of self-awareness. That took place long before we realised consciously that we were self-aware.Thus, the reasons for our nature are buried deep within our beliefs that were adopted at a time when we didn’t realise we were adopting the beliefs that would shape how we navigate life. The only time this changes is after life beats us down and we’re forced to reconsider what we believed to be true. There is an easier way to achieve this shift in perspective. This episodes offers some of the fundamental insights needed to begin that journey or reinventing the self. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Hyper-individuality and selfish gains are so pervasive that we’ve lost sight of how it has created the very lifestyle that now demands a self-care routine. If you don’t like what you see in front of you, you need to consider what your contribution is towards creating that distasteful reality before you go about blaming others for it.Understanding your blind spots and realising the impact that you have is the beginning of awareness, of awakening from the slumber that keeps you weighed down. But you don’t know what you don’t know, and reaffirming what you do know or believe to be true doesn’t create growth, it simply feeds stagnation. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Without realising it, many lose themselves to the daily grind and the short-term needs of emotional fulfilment, while abandoning the longer term goals that bring true fulfilment to life. Instant gratification leaves us chasing for the next hit, while serving a greater vision with conviction gives us purpose in every day. If we achieve today’s goals today, and there is no link between today’s goals and tomorrow, then it stands to reason that we will have to find new reason to get out of bed tomorrow. Worse still, if our sense of fulfilment is dependent on validation from others, each day becomes a struggle to renew or secure the validation that we received the day before. Live with conviction that is attached to a purpose greater than the immediate needs of your life, and watch you life explode with opportunity. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

The secret to healthy relationships lies in understanding the dynamic that is shared, rather than the roles that are being played. Focusing only on rights and responsibilities, or duty and expectation diminishes our connection with the human who shares our life with us, and vice versa. As always, our obliviousness to the impact that we have, both good and bad, is the leading cause of blind spots in relationships that eventually lead to incorrect assumptions about each other’s motives or intentions. Healthy relationships are formed when couples grow together, not when one is waiting for the other to supposedly catch up. Be prepared to grow together, or be prepared for the inevitable misery that follows. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

The greatest blind spot of humans, I believe, is our inability to recognise the impact that we have because we’re so focused on the impact that we want to have. In the process, we not only breach the trust that others place in us, but we also lose sight of how it is that we perceive breaches of trust from them because we don’t account for the impact that we have on them. Recognising the prevalence of trust in all our social interactions, and in our relationship with life itself, significantly improves the clarity and understanding with which we go about trying to navigate the struggles of life. Social contracts are by far the most neglected aspect of trust. It’s a contract that is unspoken but inherent in our relationships with everyone, from significant others, to family members, friends, and even strangers. The more aware you are of this, the more effective you will be in your efforts to build solid relationships in your life. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

While my approach in this episode has been deliberately light and deliberately exasperated by the insanity of it all, the seriousness of the problematic themes taking hold in the mainstream mental health space cannot be exaggerated. The erroneous belief that our body stores trauma and similar misconceptions that directly conflict with established neuroscience is reckless at best, and criminal at worst. We are destroying lives, families, relationships, and generations by blindly following the grossly distorted beliefs of mainstream psychology and the dubious foundation on which it is built. While I don’t pull punches in this episode, I hope I managed to objectively demonstrate the issues with the myths I discuss so that this does not get written off as just a rant from an activist. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Gratitude is far too often confused with appreciation which is nothing more than an acknowledgement of the blessings that we have. Gratitude goes much deeper than acknowledging what we’re grateful for. Gratitude is reflected in what we do with what we have, and with who we are. It shapes our sense of self, and especially our self-awareness. Connect with gratitude in a more practical and grounding way, and you’ll find it shifting your perspective about life, not just spirituality or inner peace, but in totality. It will improve your relationships in meaningful ways, and reduce your stress and anxiety, and depression in ways that you could never predict. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Continuing on the theme of accountability for who we are, the fixation on generational trauma or cycles (I prefer to see it as cycles) is yet another indulgence that convinces us that we’re better than those who came before us and therefore know better than them as well. Whether this is true is beside the point. The important point is that if we don’t understand the wisdom or the reason behind what we inherited from the previous generation/s, we are highly likely to repeat their mistakes in different ways. Breaking any cycle, be it emotional, cultural, traditional, or otherwise, requires an understanding of what gave rise to that cycle and why it may have had relevance at some point if we hope to effectively break it without discarding the wisdom contained within it. If you are keen to break generational cycles, be sure you are aware of what you’re dealing with before you create new problematic cycles in your efforts to discard the old. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

We’ve lost sight of the simplicity of being human and replaced it with the complexity of dehumanising each other in our efforts to feel better about ourselves. If we blindly follow the mainstream narratives, we’ll never have reason to feel accountable or to accept accountability for any of our actions, or the contributions that we make towards the unpleasant experiences of others. We need to reclaim our agency and along with it our humanness if we hope to rise above the despair of contemporary times. Hope is not found in wishful thinking. Like they say, if wishes were horses, beggars would be riders. It is only ever meaningful and effective action that has changed the condition of humanity. Never the belief in mystical forces that shape our lives. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

We complicate life when we try to intellectually and emotionally reprocess everything that we experienced in the hope that we will be able to find the strength to push beyond it. Pushing beyond it then becomes an exercise on developing new coping mechanisms or habits, or avoidance techniques so that the impact of what still troubles us is more bearable.That approach is simply unsustainable. Healing is not about trying to be more or trying to cope. Healing is about understanding, and understanding is impossible without a meaningful shift in perspective. Without that shift, our efforts at understanding will amount to not much more than surrendering to what we believe is out of our hands. Check out this episode in which I unpack the importance of achieving a moment of meaningful realisation, and some insight into how it can be achieved without elaborate interventionist therapies that do not resolve the root cause of our anguish. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

This recording of a recent radio interview with Haafidha Rayhaanah on Radio Islam, a local community radio station, unpacks the challenges that many face in the form of what is commonly referred to as a mid-life crisis.While the focus of the interview was to get a man’s perspective on this, as always, the themes and insights are intended as universal human experiences regardless of gender. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

I received a couple of queries from followers after I questioned the veracity of a claim regarding the nervous system’s supposed role in making us feel safe. Check out my response to see why this belief is grossly irresponsible and problematic. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

We’ve lost the plot in our efforts to connect with the human struggle to create a life worth living. Our fixation on coping mechanisms to operate more efficiently within a system of existence imposed on us leaves us feeling triumphant when we thrive within that system, while distracting us from how much more we’re capable of if only we looked beyond it. Existing is coping, while living is actively pursuing a quality of life that goes beyond your current circumstances. Are you simply existing while believing that that is what life is about, or have you made a meaningful attempt at creating a life worth living? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

We’ve complicated life by subscribing to mental health labels that add no value to the struggles or problems that we’re trying to overcome. Instead, they only make matters worse.We need to simplify life and start seeing the reality we’ve created for ourselves, rather than simply looking at what we find unacceptable from those around us. From childhood trauma to toxic parents to narcissistic partners, everything is is framed in such a way that it creates more complexity and duress rather than offering meaningful insights into the problems that we’re facing. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com

Most often, our focus in relationships is on how well someone behaves towards us, and vice versa. When either partner or individual behaves badly, the focus is inevitably on first stopping or challenging the bad behaviour, and sometimes, understanding why they felt a need to behave that way. Rarely do our considerations or concerns extend beyond that. Worse still, we almost never consider the impact on the human who was affected by our behaviour, rather than just the practical impact to them or their life. Empathy is what sustains a relationship beyond honest mistakes. Cooperation or transacting only maintains a relationship as long there is a balance in visible effort to contribute towards that relationship from both sides. We need to look deeper than that at both what we need from each other, and what impact we have on each other if we hope to have healthier and more fulfilling relationships that do indeed become a lifelong union. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coachzaidismail.substack.com