Trader Hoes

The Hoes are hitting (overdosing?) their protein goals this week with Trader Joe’s finest cuts of pre-cooked, pre-seasoned and pre-sliced meat. It’s big, it’s beefy and it’s probably bad for Katie’s mushy heart. In the cart:Gyro SlicesGrassfed Beef Sirloin RoastShaved Beefsteak 

This week, the Hoes are diving into all things stuffed. Cheese, cream, peanut butter, and more are all meeting in the gooey middles of these pocket Trader Joe's items. Once you bite in, you'll also find our envy of tall girls, Katie's possible past life as a mermaid, and Evie's weird-ass way of eating a pickle spear.In the cart:Uncured Ham & Swiss Cheese PocketsGozlemesCrustless Peanut Butter & Strawberry Jam Sandwiches• Japanese Mini Taiyaki 

The Hoes are on the road and throwing it back to the thing that got them hooked on Trader Joe's in the first place: charcuterie. This episode features olive appreciation, questionable meat nuggets and a potential cheese pinup calendar. In the cart:The Sheepish TomatoParmesan TapenadeAntipasti Platter

Thanks to a special request from Katie’s husband, Salvador, the Hoes are diving headfirst into Trader Joe’s mush (overnight oats) and pud (pudding) offerings. Peel back the foil lid, and you’ll also find matching blood types and shirts, Evie’s overnight oats recipe, and some impeccable Vanna White impressions. In the cart: Vanilla Overnight OatsStrawberry Overnight OatsPeanut Butter Overnight OatsRice Pudding Chocolate Pudding 

The Hoes are on the road and testing out the RAVioli 4, which is either Toyota’s latest model of pasta SUV or an episode stuffed with Trader Joe’s ravioli options. In the cart:Sweet Corn, Burrata & BasilTomato & Burrata Goat Cheese & Carmelized OnionChicken Sausage

The Hoes have hit the road for a little summer review retreat, and to kick things off, they're diving into a big bowl of mystery meat...balls. While they try to win the meatball lottery, sampling all three of Trader Joe's fresh chicken meatballs, they also make some truly troublesome food confessions and create an entire imaginary meat universe with a highly paid Women's Meatball Basketball Association (WMBA) and protein-maxxing leprechauns. In the cart: Chicken MeatballsPineapple Teriyaki Chicken MeatballsBuffalo Style Chicken Meatballs with Monterey JackWant bonus episodes, first dibs at merch, and more? Head to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/traderhoes

This week, the Hoes are getting a serious sugar rush from Trader Joes, including two questionable confections, a patriotic taffy and a strawberry candy so good, we’d sing about if we weren’t so afraid of getting sued. In the cart:Red White & Blue Cookie BitesFlat TaffyRoot Beer Float PiecesCoconut Cashew Candy ClustersStrawberry Fields Gummy Candy

This week, the Hoes are taking a quick lunch break, but this lunch may very well break them. Katie and Evie are topping these sandwiches with some Trader No’s, the first ranking predictions, and an impassioned spit take. In the cart: Chicken and Cheddar Cheese Sandwich on Cranberry Seeded Wheat BreadTurkey Apple Cheddar Sandwich Ham and Cheese Sandwich • Spring Vegetable Tart

The Hoes are getting juiced - with Joe’s fruitiest of refreshments. We’re up to the gills in Guava and Katie is up to her in a full-body bathing suit. Not included: the drink umbrella Trader Joe loves so much. In the cart:Passion Fruit Orange Guava 100% Juice BlendOrganic Guava Nectar Juice Sparkling Lychee Juice Beverage

We’ve got a special treat for you this week, Hoes: A peek at the exclusive episodes our Patrons get each month in our Readin’ & Eatin’ series, where we pair Trader Joe's snacks with our latest literary obsession.In this episode, we're descending into the chaotic, explosive, and high-stakes world of Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman. Is this essentially an absurdly violent intergalactic game show where a guy in boxer shorts and his ex-girlfriend’s prize-winning cat fight for survival? Yes. Did the incredible voice work of narrator Jeff Hays rock our worlds and alter us on nearly a cellular level? Also, yes.Here's the gist: Navigating the bizarre alien floors, lethal traps, and the sheer, unhinged madness of the dungeon with Carl and Princess Donut is as precarious as trying to maneuver your cart past the sample station on a Sunday morning. It’s a story of survival, rebellion, the heavy cost of entertainment, and how much you can really trust a sarcastic AI with a foot fetish. Obviously, it's best consumed with snacks that can handle the emotional weight.We’re pairing this sci-fi litRPG madness with a trio of Trader Joe's finds you may want to keep at-the-ready in your inventory.In the Cart:Garlic Fish ChipsRaspberry Yogurt Candy ClustersSweet & Sour Gummy Worms CandiesWant access to all of the Readin’ & Eatin’ episodes, first dibs at merch, and more? Head to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/traderhoes

While the Hoes are normally pretty cheesy, this week they have reason to be extra sharp. Katie and Evie are slicing into four new(ish) new options from the cheese case, with unexpected results. In addition to the Multigrain Crackers, they’re pairing these dairy delights with pondering how Katie escaped Twilight, our new favorite alias, and the complete mystery of why Evie can’t say “paprika.” In the cart: The “OG” (Old Goat) Aged Goat CheeseBrie Cheese Flavored SpreadTaco Seasoned Gouda CheeseSmoked Cheddar Cheese with Paprika• Multigrain Crackers

The Hoes are back on the baked goods and expectations are all over the place. From the neon shortbread to the tea time blondies, it’s a shelf-stable rollercoaster of sweet, sweet carbs.In the cart:Strawberry Brioche Style Liège WafflesLemon Flower CookiesEarl Grey Blondie Bars

Time is a construct, so the Hoes are digging into breakfast for dinner this week. But why stop at challenging the self-inflicted limitations of time? Katie and Evie also question what can realistically (and safely) be car food, if humans really need silverware, and how long is too long in the microwave. In the cart: Breakfast Bowl Tortilla Española Spicy Spuds• Bubble Waffles

Trader Joe's set the trap, and we walked right into it. This week, we've reviewing those items near the checkout that just happen to make their way into your cart at the last minute. For better or worse. We also squeeze in whether clones celebrate birthdays, the possible familial relations of Betty Crocker and Betsy Ross, and a gummy bear situation that's definitely not safe for work.In the cart:Celebration Cake PretzelsCheery Lemon Animal Crackers Sour Strawberry Candy BeltsMilk Chocolate Covered Gummy Bears Candy

The Hoes are hitting the snack aisle once again to try Trader Joe's much talked about ranch rolls (their name, not Joe's). While they're there, they'll also have a chance to sing about buffalo popcorn and talk new nut merch. In the cart:Ranch Flavored Rolled Corn Tortilla ChipsBuffalo Ranch PopcornChile Lime Flavored Fried Pork RindsGarlic Butter Nut Mix

The Hoe's are hitting up Trader Joe's frozen pasta, and that's if you use the "pasta" verrry loosely. Of course eating endless amounts of carbs isn't their only skillset – these Hoes can also name your baby, pack your suitcase and tell you where to build your next Trader Joes. In the cart:JambalayaSpicy Farfalle Pasta with Italian Chicken SausageGarlicky PastaSpicy Alfredo Fusilloni Pasta

This week, the Hoes thought that they found one of TJ’s best-kept secrets in the refrigerated smoothies. But some secrets should never be told. They’re also blending in Evie’s new rap name, Katie’s fear of jacked-up babies, and the love story between bananas and nuts. In the cart: Organic Coconut SmoothieBanana & Almond Butter Protein SmoothieVanilla Almond Spiced Chai Protein SmoothieChocolate Almond Protein Smoothie

Can you believe i?, The Hoes are cooking! Ok technically, they’re just warming up frozen pizzas but the bar is extremely low these Hoes and apparently even lower for some of these Trader Joes pies. In the cart:Tarte au Brie et aux TomatesTarte d'Alsace with Ham, Onions, and GruyereBurrata, Prosciutto and Arugula FlatbreadBBQ Chicken Pizza

This week, the Hoes are shaking this up with a few of Trader Joe's newer pre-made pasta salads. After removing the sauce packets from the tiny plastic containers, they also fit in the concept for a new crime-fighting pasta show for kids, why Katie could never commit a crime, and the Cucumber Wetness Spectrum.In the cart: Lemon Basil Pasta SaladChickpea Kale And Crispy Red Rice SaladPeanut Udon Noodle SaladKorean Style Bibim-Guksu

It was 91 degrees in February and the Hoes are coping with some new frozen favorites from Trader Joe’s. If you love instant affagato, pistachio having its moment, super-sized macrons, and unpacking Katie’s pigeon trauma, then you’re in for a treat, Hoes. In the cart:2 Affogatos Vanilla Non-Dairy Frozen DessertsMacaron Ice Cream SandwichesItalian Pistachio & Fior di Latte Gelato Style Frozen DessertCalamansi & Mango Sorbet

This week, the Hoes are asking an age-old question: Is this a cake you can eat in your car? Not even childhood trauma is going to keep them from getting an answer as Katie and Evie try Trader Joe's mini sheet cakes for the first time. They're also mixing in getting cookie samples from Jeff(?), eating cake as an act of rebellion, and casting these cakes as bakers on the Great British Bake Off. In the cart: Toasted Coconut Mini Sheet CakeChantilly Cream Vanilla Bean Mini Sheet CakeDark Chocolate Mini Sheet Cake• ⁃ Cookies and Cream Mini Sheet Cake

The Hoes are hitting up the snack aisle and finding their new stripper names in the process. From curried potato chips to yeasty popcorn, it's a full-flavored episode that'll have you pondering deep thoughts like, "Do I look like my dog?" and "How do you pronounce 'Piquant?"In the cart:Sweet Onion Style Pretzel TwistsThai Style Yellow Curry Flavored Potato ChipsHot Honey PopcornPiquant Popcorn

This week, the Hoes fight through some technical issues to dip into the deep end of Trader Joe's dips. Katie and Evie also scoop up garlic blindness, a severe lack of poker face, and their new pitch for an HGTV show, Dippin' and Flippin'. In the cart: Roasted Tomato Labneh Dip Caesar Salad Dip Garlic Spread Dip Vegan Tzatziki Dip Almond Chipotle Dip 

Happy Valentine’s and Galentine’s Day to all who celebrate! The Hoes are back with some sweet favorites and some new discoveries. Will they be love at first bite or taste like bitter disappointment? Did we even love pink before Victoria Secret brainwashed us? And when will Trader Joe’s start selling condoms?In the cart:Sweet Heart Bath FizzerItalian Artisan Heart Shaped PastaChocolate & Peanut Butter Lover's Nut MixMilk Chocolate Covered Marshmallow HeartsDark Chocolate Caramel HeartsJelly Bean HeartsSoft and Chewy Gummy Candy in X's & O'sStrawberry Yogurt Flavored Coated Almonds

This week, the Hoes are prepping for the upcoming Bad Bunny concert, surrounded by sports, with some game day faves. They're pairing these snacks with getting roasted by AI, some humbling pronunciations, and accepting their true selves as Crab Rangoon Girls. In the cart: Chicken Uncured Bacon Ranch DipBuffalo Blue Unexpected Cheddar Cheese Spread Jalapeño and Cream Cheese Crispy Wontons• Mac and Cheese Bites

The Hoes are back with some bubbly biome boosting sodas. Will they even learn the difference pre and probiotic? Who can say! But one thing's for sure, Trader Joe's is jumping on that gut health train. They also crack into Coke's medicinal past, spitting in the ocean, and our dream sponsor, Metamucil.In the cart:Strawberry Vanilla Prebiotic SodaCherry Cola Prebiotic SodaGinger Lemon Probiotic Sparkling Beverage

Rounding out the return of the Hoes, Katie and Evie share Part 3 of the items they've been dying to review over the last 3 years! Also on the table are Katie's questionable cottage cheese choices, Evie's dip obsession, and the need for Everything But The Bagel bath bombs. In the cart:Ranch Cottage Cheese Dip Unexpected Cheddar Cheese SpreadApple Chip DuoSweet Cannoli Dip

The Hoes are back with Part 2 of the items they've been dying to review over the last 3 years! Also up for discussion are Evie's lifelong love of ranch, Katie leaning into her bitter old hag era, and the iconic millennial franchise that was CPK. (RIP)In the cart:Chicken MoleBeef BirriaBBQ & Black Pepper Toscano Chopped SaladRanch Seasoned Cashews

The Hoes are back, babyyyyyy! Katie Bravo and Evie Bickes dust off the mics (literally) to share the items they wish they could have discussed over the past three years. Plus, Evie's hot takes, Katie's lack of Hot Pocket experience, and an overwhelming awkwardness in front of a camera.The Goods:Meatball CalzoneLemony Orzo Chicken SoupLasagna Soup with TurkeyCornbread Crisps

Well, Hoes, here we are. The final-ish episode of Trader Hoes. But before we embark on our bye-atus, we took a stumble down memory lane, aided by a few drinks recommended by you and a possible Penis Truck sighting.Thank you, Hoes, for the recommendations, the messages, the support, and just for sticking with us through the years. We couldn’t have done any of this without you. Until next time, #BBPP365.  🛒 In the cart: Añejo Tequila Laurent Reverdy Sancerre Support the show

It's our second to last episode, which means there's just enough time to squeeze in a special guest appearance from the Trader Bros (aka our partners)!  It's a Hot Ones inspired showcase of Trader Joe's spicy sauces so get ready feel the (heart)burn. In the cart:Incredisauce Tamarind Sauce Green Dragon Hot SaucePeri Peri SauceChili Pepper SauceJalapeño Hot SauceHabañero Hot Sauce Not in the cart, but worth considering: Milk Support the show

This week, we’re leaving it all on the table, including grandma. We tackle our InstaHoes’ savory suggestions, repay them by completely butchering their names, and walk away with a few new favorites. Not on the menu but certainly on our minds: Shrinky Dinks, a Trader Joe’s and Jack in the Box mashup, noods, and Katie’s love of uncooked rolled oats. 🛒 In the cart: Cheeseburger burrito  Cascatelli Pasta Italian Style Meatballs Rosemary Croissant Coutons Bulgogi Beef Fried Rice with Kimchi Support the show

It is with heavy hearts and full carts that we announce the end of Trader Hoes will be coming at the end of this month. It probably won’t be goodbye for forever, but it is ciao for now. We thank every one of you for tuning in each Monday and celebrating the best grocery store that ever existed with us. It’s been in incredible ride, and we’re honored you were a part of it. But we’re not done just yet! Another thank you to everyone who suggested some final items for us to try over the next few weeks. We’re kicking off this sunset tour with some sweet treats and one of the biggest surprises in Trader Hoes history. Not on the menu, but certainly on our minds: Katie’s diagnosis from a college professor, Paul Hollywood’s judgment, and eating a hug (that apparently has a creepy child voice.) Bonus: Take a shot every time Katie describes something as “elevated.”  🛒 In the cart: Chocolatey Cats Cookies For PeopleSpeculoos Crunchy Cookie Butter SpreadSesame Honey AlmondsChocolate Hold the Dairy Mini Coconut Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert ConesChocolate and Almond Croissants Support the show

Get your bifocals ready, Hoes. We're about to read our favorite but flawed grocery store like never before. While we may not be at RuPaul's Drag Race level, we do dig into everything from recalls to copywriting to commitment-phobia. Because after all, we've spent years supporting Trader Joe's, so a little tough love is in order.  Support the show

Trader Joes's is bringing the heat and these Hoes are here for it. From a savory salsa to buffalo style almonds, Katie and Evie explore TJ's newest spicy items. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: extreme squeams, saguaro cacti,  and is buffalo having a moment?In the cart:Buffalo Style Seasoned AlmondsGuajillo SalsaCinna-DragonsSupport the show

The Trader Hoes put Trader Joe’s new pizza halloumi to the test and try the old Amsterdam gouda that has Bon Appetite writer, Alex Beggs talking. Get ready for a dairy fueled basket case that begs the question, why?In the basket:Pizza Bread CheeseOld Amsterdam Premium Aged Gouda Support the show

If you’re into hugs, this episode is for you! If you’re not into hugs but are into chocolate and nut butters, this episode is also for you! If you’re not into hugs and don’t like chocolate or nut butters, well… we got nothing, but we still think you should listen. Not on the menu but certainly on our minds: sleep deprivation, the beauty of marshmallow fluff, Evie’s noisy house, and Katie’s still-present hearing. In the cart: Bamba Dipped In Dark ChocolateDark Chocolate Almond Butter Filled Pretzel NuggetsPeanut Butter Cocoa MarshmallowsSupport the show

We love finding another person as obsessed with Trader Joe's as we are. So, we were thrilled when we stumbled upon Bon Appetit's Food People episode, "Why are people so obsessed with Trader Joe's?" Though we may not have agreed with all of her superlatives, we definitely want to be Alex Beggs' best friend. After all, friends don't let friends sleep on Unexpected Cheddar. Support the show

Forget assorted chocolates, all the Hoes want this Valentine's Day is cheese. (Fortunately for them, Trader Joe's love language is dairy.) From the heart shaped to the meat forward, get ready for romance with a rind. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: Pride and Prejudice, Lunchables and the plot holes of many (all?) rom coms. In the cart:Neufchâtel Bacon CheddarSpicy Buffalo CheddarSupport the show

We’re rounding out this month with 360 degrees of flavor as we try some new and classic circular (breakfast?) foods from Trader Joe’s. Not on the menu but certainly on our minds: Wendy’s non-OCD-friendly food, Evie’s need for a blender, and Katie’s lost pineapple. 🛒 In the cart: Egg FrittataCauliflower PancakesPotato Pancakes Corn and Cheese Arepas Support the show

The Hoes dig into some juicy Trader Joe's stories and uncover a conspiracy, crossbow and some stolen TJ's wine. Buckle up with some Two Buck Chuck and get ready for some ridiculous grocery chain fodder. Support the show

Excuse our diacope as we dive into some new Trader Joe’s items to help kick off the new year. We’ve got apps, mains, and desserts covered here, and nothing goes the way we think it will. Not on the menu but definitely on our minds: The likelihood we’d be in a cult, Canadian bacon’s fashion, Trader Joe’s tours, and how you pronounce “pen” and “pin.” Seriously, we need to know. 🛒 In the cart: Kalua Pork Spring RollsFrench Onion Mac & Cheese Okie Dokie Oat Milk Ice CreamSupport the show

Stop what you're doing. Drop everything. Yep, don't even start the new episode. And go get your hands on some of these Cacio e Pepe Puffs from Trader Joe's. We'll wait. And while we're waiting, we'll keep thinking of which other items Joe should expand like the Fast and Furious franchise. Maybe Katie will keep practicing her pronunciation of "cacio e pepe" too. What do you think Trader Joe's should explore more of? Message us at @realtraderhoes on Instagram and Gmail, or reach out at realtraderhoes.com. Support the show

It’s 2022, y’all! And the Hoes are hoping for a low stakes, high-cal  kind of year. We’re talking slow news days and savory Trader Joe’s items, including this selection of heat-and-eat vegan entrees. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: storefront petitions, the Irish and Katie’s love of any and all things mac and cheese. In the cart:Vegan MacVegan Shepherd’s PieVegan Enchilada CasseroleSupport the show

What a year, what a shopping list! The Hoes reap the 2021 hits, misses and musings of the past year. More pickle products? Yes, please! A return of key lime popcorn? Dear god, NO. It's basket case episode chockfull of reflection – and yeah, okay, some wine too. Want to share your Trader Joe's 2021 highlights and 2022 predictions? Message us at realtraderhoes on Instagram and Gmail, or reach out at realtraderhoes.com. Support the show

Simply put: This is a dystopian Christmas dinner. We’ve got guest co-ho Brian (aka Evie’s husband now!) sharing in a low-effort, only-slightly-sad holiday feast courtesy of Trader Joe. Not every dish is a gift, but at least one cheesy pick could be considered the reason for the season. Not on the menu but certainly on our minds: TJ’s floor wine, why side dishes are the real star of the holidays, and the tragedy of the Star Wars Holiday Special. 🛒 In the cart:Trader Joe’s Grand Reserve Meritage Red WineBalsamic Glazed Bone-In Beef Short Ribs Four Cheese Scalloped Potatoes Roasted Vegetables Roasted Cauliflower and Orzo Support the show

On this week’s Basket Case, we’re counting down the reasons that advent calendars should be available all year round. We also unpack the Hallmark movie and Disney fan Venn diagram, why Joe tries to fit his name in everything, and how we want PMS advent calendars.  Support the show

We’re harkening back to our youths and somehow also getting a glimpse at our futures this week. Yep, we’re going up on a Tuesday with some Trader Joe’s liqueurs. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: what the heck fashion is these days, holiday shopping woes, and whether licking a fireplace is a good or bad thing. 🛒 In the cart: Kentucky Straight Bourbon CreamGolden Vale Irish Cream LiqueurCold Brew Coffee & Cream LiqueurSugar Plum Sparkling Beverage Support the show

The Hoes turn to Trader Joes for some culinary inspiration. From the somewhat promising to the slightly unsettling, it's a basket case breakdown of Trader Joe's newest recipes. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: Evie's cat face, Katie's popped grapes and one-and-done salsa cooking. *EDITORS NOTE*The Trader Bros will be popping into the background on this one, hoes. We tried the best we could in editing but it seems what we really need is a time machine so we can travel back to the date of this recording and tell them to lower their dang voices. Support the show

It’s Thanksgiving week, ya’ll! And don’t you know these Hoes have a lot to be grateful for – namely, Trader Joe’s frozen food section. From bite-sized casserole cuties to bake potatoes that border on human, it’s an autumnal buffet of the new, the seasonal and the somewhat questionable. Not on the menu but certainly on their minds: Baywatch potatoes, pegasi and Katie’s alias, Cleopatra Bravo. In the cart:Green Bean Casserole BitesCamembert Cheese and Cranberry Sauce Fillo BitesBroccoli & Cauliflower GratinHasselback PotatoesSupport the show