Turtle War

The 2024 Presidential Election is long past. This episode of the Turtle War Podcast can't possibly be relevant to the current political environment. That's what some people are saying. Well Turtle Warriors after you here this episode you will know why those people are the biggest idiots ever. Because in this episode we cover the politics, the scandals and the conspiracies that drove one of the most important political events of our lifetime. But we don't stop there! We dive deep into the dark side of politics and human nature and answer questions you did not even know you were asking. It's time to get serious - This is the 2024 Presidential Election Episode!

Welcome to America Bitches! We like our cars fast, our internet faster and baby you better know we like our food the fastest! Health scares, yeah right! A nation plagued with morbid obesity, get out of my face! If you are looking for healthy baby food, jump across the pond and go crazy. If you are looking for a fast episode filled with delicious fast food then you are in the right place Turtle Warriors. It’s our fast food episode! 

Welcome to another exciting episode of the "Turtle War," your favorite podcast! This week, we're thrilled to plunge into the playful chaos of April Fools' Day, bringing you our highly anticipated second installment dedicated to April Fools' Day! Whether you're a prankster at heart or just along for the ride, get ready to discover how April Fools' Day can bring out both the clever strategist and the unsuspecting victim in all of us. So, settle in, and ready to have your minds blown again. Its our second April Fools Day Episode!

In this bone-chilling episode, we dig up the sugary remains of the iconic 90s phenomenon: Mr. Bones. Unearth the sweet secrets of why these coffin-contained confections stirred up a skeletal frenzy across the world, sparking a craze that continues to haunt candy lovers to this day. Join us as we assemble the pieces of history, savor the nostalgia, and explore the obsession that keeps Mr. Bones marching in our hearts—and tastebuds.Its the Mr Bones Episode!

I WANT TO BELIEVE! BIG FOOT!!! The Loch Ness Monster! War of the Worlds! How to charge an iPod with an onion! #baldforbieber!!! That’s right faithful listeners, this episode the Turtle War Crew tackles one of the biggest, most dangerous forms of psychological crime in history, Hoaxes! We expose every hoax for what they are so that you can sleep at night. And you will sleep at night because this is no Hoax. This is the Turtle War Podcast! A name you can trust, a source you can believe in.Wait a minute that all sounds familiar. Why does this feel like something we did 58 episodes ago? Oh... BECAUSE IT IS! This is our second visit into the world of lies, pranks and mysteries that make up the lifestyle of the fiends and charlatans that keep this world going. It's our second Hoaxes Episode!

It happened again. You get in a fight with someone, you are both yelling, the lights start flashing and you wake up the next morning in the other person's body. How did this happen? How do you fix it? What is going on? Well Turtle Warriors you are in luck because your boys at the Turtle War Podcast have the answers to all of your questions. This is not the time to panic, its time for our Freaky Friday Episode!

The Baddest Man on the Planet! In this knockout episode, we dive into the wild, unpredictable world of Mike Tyson. From ferocious fights to his love of pigeons and surprisingly wholesome wisdom, Iron Mike proves he's more than just a legendary puncher. Come for the ear-biting stories, stay for the surprisingly soft-spoken life lessons. "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face" - It's our Mike Episode!

Its that time of year again, time to celebrate the birth of our lord and the life of our Santa. Get comfortable and pop open the sparkling Cider. Its the happiest time of the year in 2024 on the Turtle War Podcast. Its our Christmas Episode.

"The Blair Witch Project" is a 1999 independent horror film directed by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez. It follows a group of three film students—Heather, Mike, and Josh—who venture into the woods of Maryland to document the local legend of the Blair Witch. The film is presented as a found footage documentary, showcasing the students' terrifying experiences as they become increasingly lost and encounter supernatural phenomena. Its innovative filmmaking style and chilling narrative helped redefine the horror genre, making it a cult classic and influencing countless subsequent films. And now this film is finally getting the recognition it deserves as your boys at the Turtle War Podcast break it down and breathe new life into the legend. Everyone said it was a ground breaking film. Well now it actually is. Welcome to the big leagues Witch, this is the Blair Witch episode!

We all love wresting, that is a fact. Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bam Bam Bigelow, these guys are the lifeblood of our entire civilization. Everyone in the world starts their day by looking in the mirror and saying "I wish I could be more like Sergeant Slaughter." But what would happen if the heroes of our lives all of a sudden became the villains? What would it mean to the human race if our reason for living became the reason we were dying? These are the questions we are going to answer in this terrifying episode of the Turtlewar. You have been warned Turtle Warriors, this story does not have a happy ending. This is not your grandpa's Apocalypse. This is as real as it gets. This is the Wrestleocalypse!

The Olympics is a major international multi-sport event featuring summer and winter sports competitions. Thousands of athletes from around the world participate, representing their countries in various disciplines. The Games are held every four years, alternating between the Summer and Winter Olympics. The modern Olympics were inspired by the ancient Olympic Games of Greece and were revived in 1896. The event promotes global unity, athletic excellence, and fair play. The same goes for the world of podcasts. Every four years all of the shows gather together and present their best episode to compete against one another and prove who is the best. While the world watched the Olympics unfold on national televison, the Podcast Olympics was happening right here. It was a close competition but one show pulled out ahead and was definitively recognized as the best of the best. This is that show, this is that episode. Its gold medal time Turtle Warriors. Get ready to listen to the best episode of the best podcast as defined by the competition to end all competitions. This is our acceptance speech. This is our gold medal. This is our Olympics Episode.

In the last episode we introduced a concept of pure horror, literally the scariest thing anyone could ever imagine! We had so much fun with it that we decided to continue that story and go deeper into the world of “The Fridgening”. This is a story so complex and frightening that Stephen king would go insane if he tried to read it. John Carpenter would poop his pants if he tried to watch. And M. Night Shyamalan would go running from the theater screaming because of all the twists. Prepare to have your mind blown Turtle Warriors, this is going to be intense. It’s the Fridgening.

In the darkest corners of the universe, where the stars flicker with an eerie glow, dwell the beings that defy all comprehension - the aliens. With their twisted forms and otherworldly visages, they instill a primal terror in the hearts of those who dare to glimpse their presence. Their skin, a sickly hue of pale green, seems to pulsate with an otherworldly energy, as if it contains the secrets of a thousand forgotten galaxies. Their eyes, void of any familiar emotion, glow with an ethereal light, piercing through the darkness with an unnerving intensity. Their elongated limbs bend and contort in ways that defy the laws of nature, moving with an unsettling grace that hints at their unearthly origins. And their voices, when they choose to communicate, reverberate with a chilling resonance, sending shivers down the spines of all who hear it. These alien beings, with their inscrutable motives and unfathomable intellect, lurk in the shadows, reminding us that in the vast expanse of the cosmos, we are but insignificant specks at the mercy of the unknown. -Its our Aliens Episode

CNN, Fox News, Google News, Apple News anywhere you get your information from is officially hot garbage. We are here to tell you that when you need information on what's going on in the world there is only one place to go, The Turtle War Podcast. Whether it's local news or international catastrophes we have everything you need right here. Come join us as we update you on the world and what is happening. It's time to get up to speed on everything you've been missing, It's our Current Events episode, part 2.

In this episode of the Turtle War Podcast, we dive into the history and traditions of April Fools' Day. We discuss the origins of the holiday, various pranks played around the world, and how it has evolved over time. We share our favorite April Fools' Day pranks, both successful and failed, and recount some of the most famous pranks in history. So Turtle Warriors, get ready for lots of laughs and great conversation as we discuss one of our favorite Holidays. Its the April Fools Episode.

The year was 1976. Jimmy Carter defeated Gerald Ford to become the 39th President of the United States. Apple Computers officially became a corporation, and Kenner Products released one the most iconic stretch-based action figures of all time, “Stretch Armstrong”! This hunk of ill-defined muscles and hair gel stretched his way into the hearts and homes of children around the world. Also, in 1971 McDonald’s released the Hamburglar. And that is somehow what the crew at the Turtle War Podcast are discussing this week. So, get comfortable, stretch out, grab a burger (preferably off the plate of an unsuspecting kid in a popular restaurant) and get ready to laugh. It’s the Stretch Burglar Episode.

In this episode, we dive into the tumultuous seas of current events, exploring the latest developments and controversies shaping our world. From the global stage to local communities, we navigate through the waves of news, offering insights, analysis, and perhaps a few surprises along the way. Join us as we embark on a journey through the headlines, examining the stories that matter most and the impact they have on our lives. From politics to technology, culture to environment, we leave no stone unturned in our quest to unravel the complexities of the present moment. Its the Current Events Episode.

Oh no Turtle Warriors, we are in trouble. We just woke up in a warehouse tied to a bomb with nothing to use to escape except a rubber band, a paper clip and an old candy wrapper. Is this a nightmare?! No this is a MacGyver. Not sure what that means? Well you are in luck because whether you are a die hard fan from 85 or just heard that term for the first time in your life, it doesn’t matter, you are about to fall in love with one of the smartest, coolest, most handsome characters Television has ever given us. It’s time to get serious, it’s time for the MacGyver Episode.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Alice went somewhere other than Wonderland! If Dorothy went through the Tornado but never made it to OZ! What if Mario fell into a pipe but didn’t come out in the Mushroom Kingdom? Well Turtle Warriors, we wondered the same thing. But we didn’t just wonder, we sat down and answered all of these questions. Pop in some headphones and get ready to jam. This is episode 51. It’s otherworldly.

Turtle Warriors get ready, this is a big one! This episode we sit down with some special guests and review 2023. That is a huge deal for us hear at the Turtle War Podcast, but an equally, maybe even huger deal is that this is our 50th episode!!! We are so excited to have made it this far and can't wait to pump out 50 more. So get comfortable and get pumped as we relive some of the best moments from the last year! Its our 50th episode.

Tis the season for joy, laughter, and a sprinkle of holiday magic. In this special Christmas episode, we're unwrapping stories that warm the heart, exploring festive traditions, and maybe even decoding the secret language of Santa's elves. So, grab a cup of cheer, cozy up by the fire, and let's unwrap the festive fun together. It's the Christmas Episode.

Some people watch movies for the comedy. Some people watch them for drama, or the romance. Those people are the worst. At the Turtle War Podcast we watch movies for kicks, punches and car chases! If it doesn’t get our blood pumping you can throw it in the trash! We need heart pounding fist pumping eye popping screen time and after this episode you will agree. So get up and get psyched because you are about to have your mind blown, it’s the action movie episode.

It all started with Cavemen and their stone tools. Now we have video phones and robots that can do anything. Some of it is fun, some of it is terrifying, all of it is amazing. Without it we wouldn’t be able to bring this mind-blowing episode directly into your ears. Hold onto your butts Turtle Warriors, it’s our technology episode.

Life is moving forward Turtle Warriors. Time is an uncontrollable force that destroys everything. There is one place we are all going, no one can avoid it, no one can predict it, and we all must face it. This is our Future Episode.

Ch ch ch… ah ah ah! Ch ch ch… ah ah ah! Listen up Camp Counselors, you better stop smooching when you should be working or Jason Voorhees is going to bust through wall Kool Aid Man style and chop your heads off! Its that spooky time of the year again when we all dress up as Demons and Monsters to trick the real ones into thinking we are one of them, and maybe grab a little candy in the process. Not only that but it’s Friday the Thirteenth! Double Whammy! So, turn on all the lights, get under the blankets and make sure you took your heart pills today because we are about to have a very scary conversation. It’s our Halloween episode.

Sometimes in life you get asked a question that is hard to answer. In some cases, almost impossible, and you find yourself wondering how you can possibly provide the information required. Well Turtle Warriors the Gods of quizzes and tests were kind enough to provide mankind with a way of dealing with these impossible questions, the Multiple-Choice answer. With this method of asking and answering questions you are no longer stuck staring into an infinite abyss of potential answers, instead you are given a list of possible answers and have to pick the correct one. So much easier. And you know what they say, when in doubt, chose C. This is the Multiple-Choice Episode.

Hey Turtle Warriors! As you all know 38 episodes ago we sat down and for a classic "Would you Rather" conversations that everyone loves. In true Turtle War Style we were able to create a series of perfect "would you rather" scenarios and thus The Turtle War Podcast, Episode 5, became the definitive "would you rather" of all time, no one would ever top it. Or so we thought. Please join us as we blow that junk out of the water and blow your minds out of your head! It's our second would you rather episode.

There's no earthly way of knowingWhich direction we are goingThere's no knowing where we're rowingOr which way the river's flowingIs it raining, is it snowing?Is a hurricane a-blowing?Not a speck of light is showingSo the danger must be growingAre the fires of Hell a-glowing?Is the grisly Reaper mowing?Yes! The danger must be growingFor the rowers keep on rowingAnd they're certainly not showingAny signs that they are slowing  - It’s the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Episode!

It’s been a long and amazing road so far in this Turtle War adventure! We have shared forty episodes with our friends around the world, AKA Turtle Warriors, and what better way to celebrate that then by talking about it. So, join us as we revisit and discuss our latest conversations here on the Turtle War Podcast. In some cases, we are more successful on the revisit than we were on the original run, but that can be for you to decide. Have fun, it’s our Season Three Recap Episode!

Whether you're a skeptic seeking to unravel the threads of folklore or a true believer ready to embrace the unexplained, The Turtle War is your gateway into a world where reality and imagination intertwine. Together, we'll navigate the labyrinthine alleys of urban legends, shedding light on the dark corners and unmasking the legends that have become entwined with our collective consciousness. It's the Urban Legends Episode.

Hey Turtle Warriors the time has finally come. 31 episodes ago we all visited the controversially popular “Garbage Pail Kids the Movie.” And whether you like the movie or love it we had a great time talking about it and most importantly it gave us a topic that has become a staple of the Turtle War Universe, Greaser Greg! Here at the podcast have gotten in the habit of talking about him so much on a regular basis that we decided it was time he got an episode of his own. So, steal yourself some snacks and crank up the volume while we carve out an IOU on one the most underrated characters in Movie history. It’s the Greaser Greg episode.

Spider-man Across the Spiderverse is one of the biggest movies in theaters right now. Everyone is watching this movie and your boys at the Turtle War Podcast are no exception. Unfortunately it was too big a movie and we are not able to sit down and discuss it yet, our minds are still completely blown. But don’t worry Turtle Warriors, we are huge fans of Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man and have been for years. So sit down and take a listen while we take a trip, not Across the Spiderverse, more like across the surface of the Spiderverse. There will still be enough Spider-Man talk to fill any fans quota. This is the Spider-Man episode.

Dude, who needs friends when you have a pocket full of them everywhere you go! Hey Turtle Warriors this week we are talking about one of our favorite things. We collect them, we trade them, we play with them and put them on display for everyone to see. These little pieces of plastic and metal have helped us mold our brains into the amazing imagination machines they are today. Its hard to say what our childhoods would have been without them and what our shelves would look like today if we didn't keep them. So grab your favorite crew and get comfortable because we are about to get serious. Its the Action Figure Episode.

Hey Turtle Warriors, Its time to take a look at a topic no one really enjoys. WORK! Everyone has to work. If you want to survive in the world and have a little cash in your pocket you need to have a job. The real trick is having a job that you love. If you love what you do then you never really work right! But how can you find a job you love. Or how do you take something that you love doing and turn it into a money making venture without it becoming “Work” Well friends you are in the right place because we are going to answer all of these questions and more when we dive deep into the eight or nine hours a day we all spend in the rat race we call our jobs. - Its the work episode. 

Well Turtle Warriors, Rubble Rubble 2 - Encino Grimace was such a success we had to keep the power going and jump right into the third installment of this groundbreaking series. Join us as we create the third installment of the Barney Rubble Multiverse!

One year ago, we posted the very first episode of the Turtle War Podcast, “Rubble Rubble.” In that episode we created an entire multiverse of Barney Rubbles where Barney Rubble was the most important character. And now Turtle Warriors, in this episode, we are going back. This episode has been highly anticipated. This episode does not disappoint. This episode is everything you hoped it would be. This episode… is Rubble Rubble 2!

Movies. Everyone loves Movies! Whether you are talking about Citizen Kane or the debatably superior Garbage Pail Kids the Movie, they have been a source of entertainment and an escape from reality since as far back as 1888. But what makes a movie great? What keeps us coming back time and time again to watch these stories unfold on the big screen? (Or these days the little screens, our phones). This episode, your boyz at the Turtle War Podcast are going to dive deep into the topic of movies and why we love them. This is without question the definitive discussion on the topic of movies. This episode, more than any other source you can find will answer every question you have ever had about movies and will leave you knowing more than any goon with a film degree from Harvard University. This… is the movie episode.

Oooooooh who lives in a Pineapple under the sea! Hey Turtle Warriors you are in for a treat this episode. Your Boyz from the Turtle War Podcast are taking a deep dive into one of modern histories biggest cultural phenomenon’s. This week we are going to discuss how an eccentric little character and all his friends have captured our hearts and blown our minds for the last 24 years. So, if nautical nonsense be something you wish, then drop on the deck and flop like a fish! It’s the SpongeBob episode.

Here we are again. Now and forever. Living this one moment over and over, cursed to relive it for the rest of eternity, stuck in a never-ending loop that never repeats itself but is always the same. What the Hell you say? EXACTLY! This week the Turtle War Podcast is tackling one of the most discussed and least understood topics in human history. That’s right Turtle Warriors, we are talking time travel. And if you think you are an expert on the subject because you have seen T2 and you have your head wrapped around the concept then you are in for a true awakening. We are going to put this concept in a new light that will literally blow your mind! So, get ready to question everything you thought you knew about this impossibly complex and simple dream. It’s the Time Travel Episode.

OK Turtle Warriors this is a big one! If you grew up in the 90's or the 2000's, or if you've been a fan of Pop Culture over the last 28 years, or, we feel comfortable saying that if you've been alive in the modern world during the last 28 years then you have heard of Kevin Smith!!! In 1994 he introduced us to his cult classic "Clerks" changing the lives of a generation of movie goers and making an undeniable impact on the film making industry forever. We here at the Turtle War Podcast have been fans of his since pretty much day one. He has influenced the things we watch, the books we read, the clothes we wear and the way we talk. Kevin Smith has made movies, written novels, written comic books, directed TV shows and of course started a podcast empire with numerous shows he  continues to do on a weekly basis. "Smodcast" was the introduction to what a podcast is for us here in the studio. It went like this, "Oh, Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier have a show where they sit around and talk for an hour once a week, yes please, here is all my money, how do I listen? Oh its free! Well that's pretty much my entire bucket list crossed off then." We can't do justice to an icon of his level with a single episode. But what we will do is sit down and talk about one of our favorite things in life as only the Turtle War does. So please join us as we discuss one of the biggest influences in our lives, without this guy there wouldn't be a Turtle War Podcast because we probably wouldn't even know what a Podcast is. We are really excited guys... It's the Kevin Smith Episode.

ITS 20 FREAKING 23!!! A brand-new year. What happened to 2022? It seems like it just flew by. But don’t worry Turtle Warriors, you are asking what happened to 2022 and your boyz at the Turtle War Podcast are here to tell you! Come join us as we run through one of the most exciting years in our planets history. Be prepared to laugh, be prepared to cry, be prepared to have your mind literally blown out of your brain as we drive you down memory lane with the windows down and AC cranked. Its our Year in Review.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, The Turtle War Christmas Special!!! And for the next eleven days, you guessed it, they gave me The Turtle War Christmas Special each day!!! That’s how I know its true love. This is it crew, if you are not in the Christmas spirit yet you about to be. The Boys at the Turtle War Podcast hit it hard and go out of their way to make this holiday season one of the most magical ever. So grab some hot chocolate and snuggle up with the family under the tree… Its the Christmas Episode.

Hey Turtle War friends, we have been getting a lot of complaints on how we do not talk about WrestleMania enough! Well your voices have been heard and to make things right your Boyz at the Turtle War Podcast have teamed up with Dem Boyz at the All The WrestleManias podcast to bring you the first of many crossover extravaganzas! Get ready to have your minds blown, it’s all the WrestleManias!!!

"Harry Potter, the boy who lived, come to die" Wrong as always Voldemort! Harry Potter is more alive than ever and he's here on the Turtle War Podcast! It's the Harry Potter Episode!.

Well here we are episode 25! Can you even believe it? If you go all the way back to episode 5 we did a little show called “Would you rather” and it was amazing. We answered the question of what you would do given two undesirable scenarios, sort of. Now. 25 episodes later we are taking a different approach and asking an even more important question, “What would you do”. So, get ready to have your mind blown as you jump into another amazing episode of the Turtle War Podcast and prepare to ask yourself “What would you do” This is episode 25.

This issue your boys at the Turtle War Podcast finally get around to discussing what they should have been discussing this whole time, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! One of the greatest comic books ever that became a cultural phenomenon and spawned a number of TV series, movies, toys and more has finally reached it’s goal of a TWP episode. So pop in your earbuds and cancel your plans for the week because you are going to want listen to this one more than once. It the TMNTTWPE.

This is Halloween, this is Halloween, Pumpkins scream in the dead of night!  This is Halloween, everybody make a scene, Trick or treat till the neighbors die of fright! That’s right friends it’s the Turtle War Podcast Halloween Special!!!! This is the scariest episode of anything ever! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Sports have been huge a part of society since the beginning of time. We all love sports. We love the camaraderie, the competition, the adrenaline, the joy, just everything you get when you participate in sports whether you are playing the game or cheering from the stands. And most people that love sports have been searching for a place to go where they can get all of the information about their favorite Teams and players and just general information about sports they love. There are a lot of shows and books and movies that have tried to cover the topic over the years but none of them have been able to give sports fans what they really want. Well as always, your Turtle War crew are here to save the day. Whether you are a fan of Baseball, Football, Hockey, curling, it doesn’t matter, we’ve got you covered.  It’s the Sports Episode.

Video games! Hey who doesn’t love a good video game? But what is the best one? What is the best way to play them? What would it be like if you were sucked into a video game like friend of the show Captain N the game Master? These are questions we have all asked ourselves at one point or another. And these are all questions that get answered right now by the video game experts at the Turtle War! Crank up the volume and hold onto your butts because this episode we answer all your questions about America’s favorite past time, video games.

Guess who’s back? Back again! Guess who’s back! I know what you are thinking, is it Eminem? Yeah right, he wishes he had this kind of pull.  It’s your boys at the Turtle War Podcast! We are back from a short break and better than ever!!! This week is a pretty big deal for us here at the Turtle War Podcast because this is our 20th EPISODE!!!! And to celebrate this occasion we are discussing the big one, the level 20 conversation! That’s right, this episode we discuss what it would take for an average Joe to become a badass renegade vigilante. So plug in your headphones and crank up the volume, it’s time to get serious. Its time, for the Turtle War.