PODCAST · comedy
Two Absolute Bookends
by Peter & Louis
Welcome to Two Absolute Bookends! A terrible podcast made by two terrible people about (mostly) terrible media.Join Peter and Louis as they read through awful books, fanfiction and comics and laugh at the expense of people who, while they may not be the best story tellers in the world, at least had the spirit to actually see through making something, rather than spitefully sniping about the shortcomings of other people's work over the internet. There are no heroes here. Only Bookends.
Episodes
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Episode 42 – Fastening a Noose Now the Chuckles Are Tallied
The Season Finale of Two Absolute Bookends – Chapter 30 of the way the Stars Fall: Rebirth. Back on the tranquillity, Sans Hollister and with a Popsicle alien Tona, Jack has a mental breakdown, fails to go through a wormhole, cries, destroys the Rokarii Fleet then passes out. Waking up in the...
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Episode 41 – The Dab Heard Across The Universe
In the penultimate chapter 29 we have a fiery conclusion to the action we’ve been building to for chapters. Tiberius busts into the room where Jack is getting his insides made outsides by Tona, a three way fight ensues, and after Tona suddenly remember who she is, she gets knocked unconscious.…
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Episode 40 – Sad One Tonight Boys
As the book nears its end, we find ourselves back aboard the Turmoil to find out what our old buddy Tiberius has been up to. It can actually be summarised very quickly. He takes the Ilmarian fleets, which now all have warp drives somehow, and jumps right into the middle of the fight we…
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Episode 39 – All Roads Lead to Qualm Pie
It’s all action aboard the tranquillity for Chapter 27 of The Way The Stars Fall: Rebirth. As they approach the wormhole, the Rokarii fleet from a few chapters ago flies out to meet them. Don’t think about the logistics of that, because they make no sense. We then have a big old spaceship fight...
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Episode 38 – Unnecessary Maths
The last chapter blew chunks, and chapter 26 isn’t any better. A short chapter that is still far too long considering literally nothing of interest happens. We’re back on the tranquillity with jack and Hollister, and we get to enjoy Logistics the Musical as they talk about repairs, food and...
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Episode 37 – Farmer Tona and the Jack Hunter Harvest
Welp, that didn’t last long. After being comparatively positive about chapter 24, chapter 25 turned out to be an abortion even by the usual standards of this book. We spend the whole chapter with the Rokarii, where Tona and Queen Vilxena discuss their retarded plans to conquer the universe and…
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Episode 36 – Uncharacteristic Competence
This time on Two Absolute Bookends we get a chapter of literally nothing, albeit nothing written better that any of the action we’ve had recently. Tiberius returns back to the Imperator for a chat after everything went wrong in his attempt to capture the tranquillity and fight the Rokarii at the...
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Episode 35 – Remembering Talia
This time on Two Absolute Bookends we get some action as Tiberius and his fleet finally interact with jack and the Rokarii in the past… Just roll with it. Needless to say, as this is TWTSF, everyone is retarded. The tranquillity is in a bad way from the pursuing Rokarii (Though there wasn’t even...
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Episode 34 – Beetle Craft, Beetle Craft, Beetle Craft
Back again with a little less down time to welcome in the New Year, your bookends this week join Captain Tiberius of the turmoil, where after like 10 chapters we finally have Tiberius’s story intersect with Jack and the Tranquillity again. The chapter is bloody boring, Tiberius arrives in the...
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Episode 33 – G.I. Jake
It’s been a long long time Bookend Friends. Not only did we have eight episodes of sonic high school madness, but we had Peter being an absolute useless piece of shit when it came to editing for most of November and December, but here we are, just in time for new years, back in theContinue…
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Episode 32 – Graduation day at Sonic’s Hole
We did it guys; your two bookends are finally finished with Sonic High School and can move on with the important things in life. Eight episodes were about 7 more than I wanted to do after the first week, but we’re nothing if not dedicated to this stupidity. For such a long chapter, not…
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Episode 31 – Anacondas in the Ovary Office (feat. Smash Mouth)
It’s the penultimate episode on Sonic High School your bookends will ever do. This week we’ll be reading Chapters 23 and 24, it’s been 7 episodes on this abortion of a fanfic, and my god does it feel like many, many more. Shadow the hedgehog finds out the cause of his funeral faux pas wasContinue...
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Episode 30 – Impromptu Funeral Dressage
Spelunking in the caves beneath the mountains of madness yet again, your Bookend Boys Peter and Louis read chapters 20-22 of the twisted fever dream that is Sonic High school, with the end looming tantalisingly close. After being confronted with the apparent cheating of his true GirlFriend (sic)...
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Episode 29 – A Crocodile Penis Depression
It’s that time again bookend fans, where your boys Peter and Louis take it upon themselves to tackle chapters 17-19 of Sonic High School, even though nobody asked them too and frankly everyone would be happier if they just stopped. This time Sonic is forced to thank a deaf lunch woman for her…
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Episode 28 – Skatman Omega
Join us friends; high school calls. However, while our spirits are willing, our minds are gradually being reduced to the consistency of good old Grandma Bookend’s famous kedgeree dish. This week we read chapters 13-16 of the McDonalds endorsed masterpiece Sonic High School, where oh so much...
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Episode 26 – Big Boobed Bat With Bra Has Butt Baby
This week your bookends continue their trip into the heart of darkness that is the insanity of Sonic High School. Where Bats and Chameleons have sex in science hats, and anything is possible. Together we learn high tier sex moves from a horny chameleon, Louis has a mental breakdown when he…
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Episode 25 – ECAF EKAHS
This week your bookends start their fan fiction odyssey into the twisted world of Sonic High School, where, against everyone’s better judgement, we will be spending the next few weeks. Join us in our utter bewilderment as two grown men with very little knowledge of the Sonic franchise read about...
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Episode 24 – Nobody Expects the ITF Tranquillity
Join your Two Absolute Bookends in Chapter 20 of The Way The Stars Fall: Rebirth where the Tranquility go back 50000 years into the past, and nobody really cares, jack decided to try rescuing Tona against all good reason and Jack goes on a ‘Snatch & Grab’ with the trading ships crap marines –...
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Episode 23 – Franz Kafka’s Tona Shrike
Join your Two Absolute Bookends in Chapter 19 of The Way The Stars Fall: Rebirth where the Team escapes from the insurrectionist ambush with minimal effort, despite not standing a chance. Meanwhile Tona undergoes a horrific transformation into a Rokarii for reasons never adequately explained. A…
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Episode 22 – Thor Four Est Mort
Join your Two Absolute Bookends in Chapter 18 of The Way The Stars Fall: Rebirth where Tona is recovering from her Rokarii shanking, but doesn’t let that mar her perfect stomach, Jack is keeping her company rather than captaining, Roxy is introduced then killed and Hollister doesn’t stand a…
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Episode 21 – Mind Smirks
Join your Two Absolute Bookends in Chapter 17 of The Way The Stars Fall: Rebirth while Jack leads a team of his trading ship’s crack commandos to rescue the inexplicably not dead Tona from the clutches of a very confused Alien Hive Mind. It’s far less exciting than it sounds. Herein we discuss…
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Episode 20 – Soft Ilmarian Metal Music
After a long hiatus in uploads (which is all entirely on Peter for being distracted and an overall lazy shit) we’re back and looking at chapter 16 of The Way The Stars Fall: Rebirth. This is our second attempt at recording this episode, and our frayed nerves do start to show as this fairly...
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Episode 19 – The Amazing ‘Pfts’
This week you’re two bookends find themselves again on the Vortmund with Tona looking at the alien egg. It hatches, everybody dies and Tona does everything wrong that she possible could. With that in mind, let me leave you with this direct quote from Tona near the close of the chapter: ‘Oh god…
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Episode 18 – Romancing the Ton(a)
This week we’re reading Chapter 14 of TWTSF:R and we mostly spend it with the now captain (shudder) of the Vortmand, Tona, as she mines, romances and touches dusty alien eggs. Featured this week is lots of complaining about Tona being a captain, the universes weird tech abilities, Jack’s light...
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Episode 17 – Stop Of His Head
This week you’re bookends Join Jack and the tranquillity crew in getting far away from any threat of an interesting plot or action scene around the insurrectionist base, Peter again displays his frayed sanity when he talks about spaceship engines for about a quarter of an hour and Tona become a...
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Episode 16 – Girder Based Recruitment
After last week’s throwback, your bookends are finally talking to you from there here and now as they finally get their teeth back into “The Way The Stars Fall: Rebirth”. It’s good to be back my friends. Prepare yourselves for steamy love pecks, dreams of a Jack-Insurrectionist duumvirate…
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Episode 15 – Fist Shaped Object
This week your two bookends read to you from about two months in the past, in the simpler times of early January 2017 before either had read the Eye of Argon. Life seemed so simple then. Apologies on how long it took to get this out, for a myriad of reasons, though admittedly a largeContinue...
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Episode 14 – Long Leave The King
This week Peter and Louis finally finish the Eye of Argon, reading chapter 7, 7.5 and the missing ending. Where epileptics rage, Grignr gets jealous of a corpse, we learn the meaning of life from looking at the mouth eye of a red emerald blob and Grignr either becomes a King or stays a...
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Episode 13 – Make Like A Wench And Peach And Resign
This week your two bookends read chapter 5 and 6 of the Eye of Argon by Jim Theis, in what frankly ended up as a far too long episode. The chapter is full of shivs, vomit, testicular punishment, Mrifk and epilepsy, to name but a few of the many ingredients. More than ever, the contentsContinue...
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Episode 12 – Chekhov’s Rat
This week your two bookends read chapter 3, 3.5 and 4 of the Eye of Argon by Jim Theis, where Grignr sits in the dark, considering how much less he eats when he does nothing, we get a completely unexplained cutaway to some pimpin shamen (sic) hanging about where we get a glimpse of theContinue...
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Episode 11 – Surly Beard Of Mrifk
After a long Christmas break, your two bookends decide to mix things up to mark crossing the 1/3 hurdle of The Way The Stars Fall by reading a short Story, infamous in its awfulness – The Eye Of Argon by Jim Theis. A slight shake up also in that, due to both the shortness andContinue reading...
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Episode 10 – Butter Over Too Much Bread
This week things are very different in the novel this week. We leave the comfort ofthe Tranquility and DSCOS-58 to find Captain Tiberius Hunter and his ex-wifeAmelia on the battle cruiser the Turmoil, themselves natives of the universeJack and his crew have found themselves in and on their way to…
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Episode 9 – Gleeful Gulps and Simmering Chuckles
A long episode this week, as this chapter is almost as long as the last twocombined (still pretty short all told) the Evil!Fargas arc is closed off for goodas the Tranquillity wrecks the fleet chasing them out of the system and decidethat having already made enemies out of the empire, they should...
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Episode 8 – Similar Slack Jaws
This week your bookends Peter and Louis yet again talk about a chapter only a few pages long for 50 minutes, wherein we discus Jack Hunter’s prisoner management skills, Tona Shrike with her sexy sexy head and skewed priorities when it comes to choosing between trousers and being able to fire her...
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Episode 7 – Pants Guard
This episode, the pair of absolute Bookends Peter and Louis read a short chapter they accuse of imbuing an attempted rape with comedy, seemingly unaware of the fact they are in fact themselves are making light of rape for comedy. It is pretty funny though, at least when Lewis is the one at the...
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Episode 6 – Apag, All Purpose Gear, APG, Apags or AyPeGee’s
This episode our hero Jack spends the chapter inside a prison cell, talking to himself, poking things with a fork, talking to Insurrectionists until getting saved by Hollister, the real hero of the story. As ever, your two bookends Louis and Peter are bemused and spend far too long talking about...
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Episode 5 – Deep Space Combat Observatory Station Fifty Eight
In this episode the plot actually moves forward and Louis and Peter spend a long time discussing just why Jack thought visiting the station personally was a good idea, just how quickly communications break down and Jack goes from coming in peace to threatening to blow up the space station and…
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Episode 4 – Eye Captain
In this episode, Louis and Peter spend a long time wondering just what is even happening, in the sense of the science on display, the events, what the author was thinking when he made this plot and what they’re doing with their lives. Not much of importance actually happens in this chapter, but...
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Episode 3 – A Fart In The Wind
In the longest episode yet, your two bookends discuss the terrible state the Tranquillity is in, Jack’s bizarre ways of interacting with guests, the inherent problems of having a galaxy spanning empire without warp travel, the utility of portholes on a space ship and much more. Far, far too much...
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Episode 2 – Leather Chairs and Double Doors
In the second episode, your pair of Bookends tell you about some real world book news regarding the Author, before heading into a chapter discussion that is, if anything, even more rambly and unstructured than the first episode. And somehow even longer, which is almost worrying seeing as we don’t...
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Episode 1 – Deep Space Trade Voyage Station Fifty Eight
In this flagship episode, your two absolute bookends Peter and Louis begin their look at the first entry into Lewis Stockton’s Magnum Opus – The Way the Stars Fall, of which this is book, Rebirth, is 1 of a planned 3.This episode is likely longer than most, as we have to introduce ourselves, the...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Welcome to Two Absolute Bookends! A terrible podcast made by two terrible people about (mostly) terrible media.Join Peter and Louis as they read through awful books, fanfiction and comics and laugh at the expense of people who, while they may not be the best story tellers in the world, at least had the spirit to actually see through making something, rather than spitefully sniping about the shortcomings of other people's work over the internet. There are no heroes here. Only Bookends.
HOSTED BY
Peter & Louis
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Two Absolute Bookends have?
Two Absolute Bookends currently has 41 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Two Absolute Bookends about?
Welcome to Two Absolute Bookends! A terrible podcast made by two terrible people about (mostly) terrible media.Join Peter and Louis as they read through awful books, fanfiction and comics and laugh at the expense of people who, while they may not be the best story tellers in the world, at least had...
How often does Two Absolute Bookends release new episodes?
Two Absolute Bookends has 41 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Two Absolute Bookends?
You can listen to Two Absolute Bookends on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Two Absolute Bookends?
Two Absolute Bookends is created and hosted by Peter & Louis.
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