Two Average Chimps

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss those around them who need neck punches and the art of subtle parenting, all whilst sipping Wild Turkey Kentucky Spirit Single Barrel Whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss summer vacations, the passing of icons of their childhood, and whatever else pops into their chimp brains, all whilst sipping Redwood Empire Pipe Dream Whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss midlife crises, yay or nay on going braless, and face sitting, all whilst sipping Hogsworth bourbon whiskey with Armagnac.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss the Chimp socials, AI art, Father's Day, and the Jr Chimps getting all grown up, all whilst sipping Sazerac straight rye whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss graduation season, professional pillow fighting on the Ocho, and honest obituaries, all whilst sipping Kirkland Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones for the first Al Fresco episode of the season and discuss Easter, the emergence of T&T, and dance competition animals, all whislt sipping American Highway Kentucky straight bourbon.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones, ditch the script for a night, and follow tangents all whilst sipping Lusty Claw Selected Kentucky Straight Bourbon.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss a visit to our Nation's Capital, a game of bingo, and two chimps on a farm, all whilst sipping Rabbit Hole Cavehill Kentucky single barrel whiskey. https://twoaveragechimps.com/

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss Chimp mindfulness, sending nudes, and Matt's new bus crush, all whilst sipping Rye 3 whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss hot-boxing stairwells, why Valentine's Day sucks, and cranky old people, all whilst sipping Old Bardstown Kentucky Straight Bourbon.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss people molesting themselves dangerously, all whilst sipping Green River Wheated Kentucky Straight Bourbon.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss a Mass-Hole tournament, Man Vs. Food, and a whole new meaning to sitting on your hands, all whilst sipping Elijah Craig Toasted Barrel Kentucky Straight Bourbon.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss the new season of Chimps, Holiday celebrations, Hot Box Karma, and Frank's OnlyFans page, all whilst sipping Tullabardine Single Malt Scotch Whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss a hockey tourney in Nashville, Thanksgiving, and getting ready for Christmas, all whilst sipping Tomintoul Speyside Glenlivet Scotch Whiskey, aged 16 years.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss Halloween, the official kick-off of the holiday season, and ghost tales, all whilst sipping Dad's Old Hat Rye Whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss Halloween, why Grandpa Joe is a J.O., and the movies from our childhood, all whilst sipping King's Falcon Speyside Single Malt Scotch Whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss the joys of public transportation, vanity plates, and an update on Farts in a Jar Guy, all whilst sipping George Remus straight bourbon whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss terrible whiskey, a bathroom symphony, and a "Would You Rather" you WOULDN'T rather, all whilst sipping Toki Suntory Japanese Whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss the summer hiatus, the most magical expense on earth, and two husky Chimps judging the rest of the not-slim world, all whilst sipping Coit Spirts Indiana Straight Bourbon Whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and go off the rails after another hiatus while talking about absolutely nothing while smoking and drinking al fresco, all whilst sipping Doc Swinson Straight Bourbon Whiskey aged five years.

Matt and Mike Molest the microphones and discuss technical diffuckalties, Father's Day, and appliances, all whilst sipping Blackened Whiskey Aged in Black Brandy Barrells.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss Sasquatch, a Chimp field trip, and a hockey tourney sans Matt, all whilst sipping Sasquatch Bourbon Whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss Memorial Day, raising puppies, and long days at Disney World all whilst sipping Traveller Whiskey by Chris Stapleton.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss a Chimp’s BDay, backing your truck up, and social media rabbit holes all whilst sipping Fort Hamilton Double Barrel Bourbon Whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss personal hygiene, office fashion shows, and the final glass of OJ, all whilst sipping Alton New York Straight Rye Whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss the Chimps’ epic return, an earthquake, and a total eclipse of the heart, all whilst sipping Fearless Straight Wheat Whiskey (for the second time - thanks Mike!).

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss the awkward things we all do with some great fan feedback, all whilst sipping Wild Turkey Longbranch Small Batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss their triumphant return, lame excuses for their hiatus, and what really grinds their gears, all whilst sipping Bear Fight American Single Malt Whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss winter weather, housecoats, and Generation X, all whilst sipping Devil’s River Texas Bourbon Whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss the official end of the holiday season, fart jars, and the sociopaths that love them all whilst sipping Jura Single Malt Scotch Whisky.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss Santa’s sack, Chimp traditions, and celebrity sightings, all whilst sipping Grey Coast Irish Whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss Turkey Day, Taco Pizza, and a Buffalo Road Trip all whilst sipping Boondocks Kentucky Straight Bourbon

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss a lackluster Halloween, traumatic childhood events, and offer a vocabulary lesson, all whilst sipping Old Forrester Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 100 Proof.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss accidental hot boxes, world travel, espresso and gabagool (capocollo) all whilst sipping Smooth Ambler Contradiction Bourbon.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss coveting thy neighbor, pizza, gunts, and lotto all whilst sipping Bib and Tucker small batch bourbon whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss the mile high club and shenanigans at cruising altitude all whilst sipping Angel’s Envy Rye Whiskey finished in Caribbean rum casks

Matt and Mike discuss women and their showers, lost family traditions, and the Chimps’ failed attempts at adulting all whilst sipping Midnight Ritual American Malt Whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss the end of summer, Matt becoming a plumber, and explosive diarrhea all whilst sipping Cut Spike American Single Malt Whiskey.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discus the summer hiatus, family vacations, and sharing opinions no one really cares about all whilst sipping Great Jones Bourbon Whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss the return of the Tank and the Chimps’ love of Shark Week all whilst sipping Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey finished in Caribbean rum casks.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss vacations, the importance of sunblock, and visiting Atlantic City, NJ sans children all whilst sipping Eric LeGrand Kentucky straight bourbon. Join the Chimps for episode 50!

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss complete ridiculousness of Titanic proportions all whilst sipping Woodville pot distilled bourbon whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss Fathers Day, Adult Dolls and the Aliens that love them all whilst sipping Beer Barrel Bourbon - bourbon whiskey rested in oak beer barrels.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss hotel creatures, Mike’s vicious flatulence, and triple X squirrels all whilst sipping Burning Chair Barrel Select Bourbon.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and get patriotic for Memorial Day, gripe about tipping, and make each other laugh until their gunts ache all whilst sipping The One and Only Buckwheat Spirit - A New Breed of American Spirit

Matt and Mike molest the microphones to pay homage to the Mothers, bitch about traffic and discuss bringing back mint, all whilst sipping Iskabar Irish Whiskey.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones and discuss a Chimp’s special day and getting older for better or worse, all whilst sipping James and Pepper 1776 Straight Rye Whiskey

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss a boys only, hot-boxing, spit-roasting, hockey tourney road trip all whilst sipping Yellowstone Kentucky Straight Bourbon.

Mike and Matt molest the microphones al fresco and ramble on about everything from the Resurrection to port-a-potties all whilst sipping Whistle Pig Piggy Back Bourbon aged 6 years.

Matt and Mike molest the microphones and discuss Matt’s swollen pinky and their brief hockey hiatus all whilst sipping Legent Kentucky Straight Bourbon.