Unclassical

FULL AUDIO! Skullduggery has been afoot at Unclassical headquarters, if the first upload is still cutting off, try this one!! The finale is here! But where’s Mary?Well, before we get to that, we meet the famous Mrs Sowerby, Dickon’s mum and you bet she’s a babe. Colin continues with his lectures much to everyone’s dismay, also goes through the “MINE!” phase.Meanwhile, Mr Craven goes to Lake Como and has a very relaxing sleep before leisurely making his way home to find… well you’ll just have to listen and see!!And Mary? Well now that would be telling…

The finale is here! But where’s Mary? Well, before we get to that, we meet the famous Mrs Sowerby, Dickon’s mum and you bet she’s a babe. Colin continues with his lectures much to everyone’s dismay, also goes through the “MINE!” phase. Meanwhile, Mr Craven goes to Lake Como and has a very relaxing sleep before leisurely making his way home to find… well you’ll just have to listen and see!! And Mary? Well now that would be telling…

Bringing you stories from a cupboard- that is magic. This week we learn Dickon has a very normal last name as his mother takes a more active role in helping the children hide Colin's improving condition to the dismay of cook. Ben Weatherstaff takes teasing Colin a little too far and Colin and Dickon become gym bros.

Hysterics, hysterics, hysterics!!! What is happening at Misselthwaite Manor this week?! Colin's in a huff, Mary's learnt a new word and where does Dickon keep procuring these orphaned baby animals from? It's all very suspicious and simultaneously enchanting. So get ready for some dodgy Yorkshire dialect, Inbetweeners quotes and horror movie imagery! Enjoy!

This week at Misselthwaite Manor it is kicking off!! Colin and Mary may have been getting on like a house on fire, but now the house may as well be on fire! Jesus, don't piss off privileged 10 year olds! Katy tells us her most "embarrassing" memory, and it nearly sees Marsha off, there are some very odd people in this world! And to cap it off, the sun is shining in Yorkshire, which tbh, sound like fake news, but we're not questioning it. It’s chaotic, it’s dramatic, it’s weirdly life-affirming… honestly, what more do you want?OH!! AND! Katy has a moving date, so the sound quality will be improving exponentially very soon! Thank you for bearing with with the random traffic noises in the background xx

Come join us on the moors for some cathartic wailing to your ex, no this isn't Wuthering Heights, but it does have the same amount of ghosts as Emerald Fennell's film. We'll also discuss boundary setting with Belle and the Beast. More "if The Secret Garden was a horror film" plot development. An autism battle over taking "a bit of earth" too literally. And we find out Colin's truly shit secret, spoilers, it's depressing. And oh fuck, spoilers, we meet Colin!

We left last episode with a strange disembodied voice haunting the corridors of Misselthwaite Manor, but shh, no one cares about that - meet the OG Disney Prince - Dickon, every straight 10 year old girls' fantasy. Will Mary be able to keep her cool? Will she show him the garden? Will Ben ever stop roasting Mary at every opportunity? And will Mary ever meet her mysterious uncle?Sit back, whistle for your favourite Robin, and let winds wuther you all the way to Yorkshire. Looking for somewhere to jump in? Try here: https://apple.co/36eJMJz Follow us here: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TICIRd Facebook: https://bit.ly/2PP537f 

By now you should have done your homework and watched the 90s film version of The Secret Garden, and you should know the uncredited role of Mrs Medlock's love interest, the chicken leg. We can all wish to have a such a satisfying encounter, but only a very select few shall actually experience it. Bet it stank though. So yes! Join us for part 2 of Mary's new life, as she arrives in Yorkshire and meets some less than friendly locals as she explores her new home. And get ready to meet the very best boy ever, Robin Red Breast, the only character in this with any emotional intelligence. Looking for somewhere to jump in? Try here: ⁠https://apple.co/36eJMJz⁠ Follow us here: Instagram: ⁠https://bit.ly/2TICIRd ⁠Facebook: ⁠https://bit.ly/2PP537f 

We're back baby! And to help us transition from this horrible winter into the warmer months, we're bringing you The Secret Garden - like only Unclassical can tell it! If you grew up watching the 90s film - get ready to hear the darker themes the film missed out, and if you didn't grow up on 90s film adaptations, well watch them! All of them! You're welcome! But for now, sit back, stare forlornly out of a window, and get ready for an apocalypse that only a tyrannical little pig could survive. Looking for somewhere to jump in? Try here: https://apple.co/36eJMJz Follow us here: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TICIRd Facebook: https://bit.ly/2PP537f 

Ho ho… huh?We are diving into the festive, idealist world of Christmas with Enid Blyton! But is it as perfect as you'd think? Recognise familiar themes of bubbling resentment, parental favouritism and a constant reminder that a woman's place is rearing children and in the kitchen! Good? Good. There's actually quite a lot of history and cocoa too! So get a blanket, snuggle in, and may our rage at the patriarchy keep you warm! Merry Christmas, guys!

This week, we return to The Crucible and somehow manage to hate John Proctor even more—which we didn’t think was humanly possible, but here we are. We also dive into the very important logistical question: if both parents are in prison for witchcraft, which parent should organise the childcare? Plus, we unveil a new theory about one characters’ secret motivations... Grab your broomstick, light your candles (responsibly), and prepare for another round of literary chaos, moral panic (that makes no sense), and aggressive side-eye! We'll now be taking a short break, before we return with our Christmas season!!! So excited!

John’s dragging Mary Warren to court to expose Abby for the chaos gremlin she is — but Salem’s her playground, and tbh, John is too dumb to stand a chance. Cue courtroom meltdowns, mass hysteria, and John threatening to beat children every two minutes. Elizabeth deserved so much better...Justice? Never heard of her.

Things are heating up in Salem faster than a witch at the stake. This week, we return to John and Elizabeth Proctor, as they try (and fail) to have a normal conversation without making us want to cause John much pain. Mary Warren returns from court with gossip hotter than Tituba’s cauldron, and let’s just say... it’s not looking great for the wives of Salem... or women in general... or vulnerable people... or anyone who's ever had a nice pig... actually, I think it's fair to say everyone's getting mirked.Meanwhile, the consequences of John’s “little mistakes” (spoiler: not so little) begin to snowball, dragging everyone else down with him. Love! Lies! The 10 Commandments! It's all here, and it's a mess.

Join us for our next instalment where Hale Arrives & the Proctor Tea Spills.Reverend Hale finally struts into Salem ready to sniff out some witches, and things get messy. We learn more about what the girlies were actually up to in the woods (spoiler: it’s not just a cheeky little dance), and tensions start simmering over at the Proctor household. John’s got secrets, Elizabeth’s got suspicions, and the tea? It’s bitter.

Episode 2 of Unclassical’s The Crucible series is here! This week, the drama hits a new level. We learn why you do not mess with the girls (seriously, they run Salem), and finally get the real story behind Goody Proctor and Abby’s beef — and ohhh it is JUICY. 🍵👀Also… how many people can you squeeze into Betty’s bedroom?! We have got to be sitting on laps by now! 😂Betrayals, gossip, witchy side-eyes — this is The Crucible like you’ve never heard it before.And who else is vibing Mercy? We LOVE her! #UnclassicalPodcast #TheCrucible #PodcastDrama #SalemSpice #AbbyVsProctor #WitchPlease #LiteratureUnhinged

New Series! It’s officially spooky season, and we are are diving broom-first into something a little... witchy🧹✨Our brand new series is here, and we're kicking things off with The Crucible – drama, paranoia, betrayal, and just a touch of Puritanical panic. Standard October vibes, right?So grab your cosiest blanket, light that pumpkin spice candle, and settle in with your favourite witches (us, obviously) as we unpack Arthur Miller’s iconic play like never before.Expect sass, side-eyes, and some Puritanical roof raising! Listen now and let us know, is Betty - hangover hanging, or heading for a witch trial hanging? And who low key wants to party with Tituba and the girls? Me please! #UnclassicalPodcast #TheCrucible #SpookySeasonVibes #WitchyReads #PumpkinSpiceAndDrama

It's here the final instalment and Marsha did not see that ending coming! Generally, we confirm that the bar for men, as ever, is on the floor. You can have a fun conversation starter for this week - would you still be alive if you were a Victorian? And have Rachel and Philick employed the WORST landscape gardeners ever?!Apologies is the sound is a bit erratic, tell Katy to talk louder! We'll be back in a couple of weeks, kicking off the 'ber months with THE CRUCIBLE! So excited!

Guys, strap in, strap on - just strap something, because wow! Things have amped up with Philip and Rachel, crossed wires, mixed signals and so much ick and cringe! I don't even know what to say, just tune in, find a wooden spoon to bite down on and we'll see you at the end!

Let's have a sneak peek at what you can expect this week:Victorian X-rated vibes? Absolutely, tongues away! Tongues between friends?? Rachel be playing games.Really bad eggs? Tick. Tarantulas! Would you pull a gun?Marsha's had coffee and it SHOWS.C.J. Walker - Marsha's educated and Katy gets some home truths...The Ashley Estate continues to put on a very good spread! But could do better on the main gift front... And WHERE is Louise’s side story?? She deserves better.So join us as we mature and grow... and don’t shit in the streets.And please, for the love of Helen Kellen — leave the dogs alone.Click that play button, sign something suspicious, and maybe question your cousin’s motives.

We are back with part two of My Cousin Rachel, and our girl Rachel is at it again, is she a scheming money grabber? Or, just a girl staring at a gormless boy, wanting to teach Italian? Either way, full respect Rachel, you do you. It's going to take a lot for us to sympathise with Phillip! Also get ready for some awks sexual awakening moments at the hand of our maisonette master! Yes, you read that right, I just didn't say it right at the time. Enjoy!

We’re back, baby — and this time, we’re diving headfirst into the stormy tea-cup that is My Cousin Rachel by Daphne du Maurier!Get ready to be swept away to the upper echelons of British society — with a cheeky detour to sun-drenched Italy, as we unravel a tale of mystery, obsession, and possibly some very dodgy doings! Is Rachel a vibe or a total skank? Tune it, grab a cup, it's tea spilling time baby!Plus, find out what we’ve been up to during our little podcast pause (spoiler: we already told you on Instagram, mostly).New episodes coming in hot – subscribe now and get ready to get Unclassical🖤🎧

In this wild ride of an episode, we dive into the last episode of Of Mice and Men, and damn, bring the tissues and the rage. Expect a flurry of Friends references and even a surprise appearance from A Muppet Christmas Carol, because everything’s better with muppets. So grab your most confused face and tune in for a show full of laughs, tears, and questionable literary takes.

Join us for part two of this disturbing tale, we're back in the bunk house, and in fact, we don't leave the bunk house, bad damn, everyone is stopping by! What will happen to Candy and his dog? Will Curley ever find his wife? Did you have a teacher at your school that played piano? Ever been asked out at laser tag? And, kewpie doll lamps, cute? Yes or no? Don't miss this bizarre episode, and also don't miss Marsha's play! Tickets are on sale here: https://www.citizenticket.com/events/etcetera-theatre/dysmorphia/

We are back with our first episode taking a deep dive in Of Mice and Men, we take a quick look at John Steinbeck, see what his deal is, before we set off with George and Lennie on their journey to a new ranch looking for work.Do you think Lennie is sweet or just terrifying? Are George's small, strong arms menacing? And, what exactly has Lennie got in his pockets?And for those who are interested, you can buy tickets for Marsha's new play 'Dysmorphia' here:https://www.citizenticket.com/events/etcetera-theatre/dysmorphia/

Unclassical Podcast Christmas Special! Ho-ho-ho! Ready to wrap up your holiday season with a twisted Christmas tale? This Christmas Day, we’re dropping our epic final episode of the Grimm Christmas Advent series, and it’s a doozy. We’re diving into the Brothers Grimm’s Elves and the Shoemaker... but wait — did you know it's actually a trilogy?! No? That's because it's really freaking weird! Elf on the shelf? Elf getting a restraining order! So, grab your eggnog, cozy up by the fire (or, you know, your space heater), and prepare for the most bizarre holiday adventure of the year. Unclassical — where Christmas tales go off the rails. #UnclassicalPodcast #GrimmTales #ChristmasSpecial #ElvesAndTheShoemaker #TrilogyTwist #HolidayDrama #PodcastFun

Gather round for Episode 4 of our Brothers Grimm Advent series, where we delve into the delightfully daft tale of "The Drummer." It's a story where absolutely everyone is rather silly—silly to the point of making one question their life choices. Expect a motley crew of characters who wouldn’t know common sense if it danced in front of them wearing a top hat and a very obnoxious drummer. If you've ever wondered how a drummer and fashion can inadvertently save the day, or if you're just here for the sheer absurdity, this episode is for you. Because who needs logic when you have questionable decisions and a rhythm section? Tune in for your daily dose of bizarre happenings, poorly thought-out plans, and extremely uncomfortable social interactions. It’s all here in Episode 4—because why would we make sense when we can make nonsense instead? See what we did there?

Alright, folks, buckle up! Episode 3 of our Brother's Grimm Advent Series just dropped, and it’s a wild ride. We’re diving into The Donkey—and let’s just say, this fairy tale isn’t your typical “Once upon a time” fluff. Ever wonder what happens when a donkey, a poor guy, and a whole lot of weird life choices collide? Well, in this episode, we’re exploring kinks, acceptance, and self-expression... all wrapped up in a very unexpected package. (Trust us, it’s not what you think. Or maybe it is... who are we to judge? ) Is it a story about finding who you really are? Or just a deep dive into the weirdness of fairy tales? You’ll have to listen to find out! So, grab your headphones, press play, and join us for a laugh, a yikes, and maybe a few “uhhh, what?” moments. It's Unclassical, baby, where the stories always get a little strange. #UnclassicalPodcast #BrothersGrimm #TheDonkey #FairyTales #SelfExpression #KinksAndFairyTales #AdventSeries #WeirdFairyTales #NotYourKidsStory

Apologies this is late! Marsha contracted a bug and is still queasy, but here we are and the holiday fun continues with our second Advent special! This time, we’re tackling the Brothers Grimm’s Prince Swan — and yeah, it’s a wild one. Just whatever you think is going to happen, it's not, and this is not The Swan Prince either, very different vibe. But jump in and just suspend belief as we sink into the surreal mire that is the Brother's Grimm fairy tale world.

Happy Advent! We are kicking things off Nativity - The Sequel! Ever wondered what happened to Mary after all that Christ stuff? Well tune in and get ready to be chilled to your very core!

It’s finally here! The grand finale of Heidi! And holy smokes, so much goes down! We’re hit with the ultimate choice: sausage or a beating (tough call). The OG bestie duo is back — cottagecore meets goth in a mashup we never knew we needed. Plus, Katy takes us on an emotional rollercoaster by bringing up Jenko. Seriously, thanks for that, Katy. Nothing like a little trauma to end things on a high note! Oh, and Peter? Major red flag. Like, flashing neon red. Also, ever tried to pick your grandma’s toes out of a lineup?

Sorry for the delay guys! Then hen party really wiped us out! But here it is! The penultimate episode! And we're finding our religion, TW, we are not Christian, don't take our views too seriously. But do take kidnapped children seriously! And while we're handing out advice, don't kidnap children! Enjoy! x

The next episode of Heidi is on the way! But to keep you occupied, here's something horrible.

Heidi is trying to navigate her new home in Frankfurt, but desperately wants to go back to the mountains; and she's doing a terrible job at being sent back there. Heidi is the best playmate ever! Whether she's filling the classroom with cuns or having a very small hat, she's bring wholesome delight wherever she goes! Knitting is a lie though.

We are back, with what appears to be a series of the worst dinner parties of all time. And, yes! Before you say it, we mean Denethor II when we say Theodan! But wow, a lot happens here, we meet Peter's mum and grandmother (and we're taking bets for who you'd think would win in a fight). Basic takeaways: Heidi is 5 Still keep an eye on Ohi Did 90s family cinema emotionally destroy anyone else? And do we like Ohi or is he getting a lot of praise for doing the bare minimum?

We are back with a new story and we are off to the Swiss Alps with Heidi and Öhi! Get ready for wholesome vibes, but... maybe don't trust Peter with your goats...oh! And seriously don't piss Öhi off, he's a nice guy, but damn, just watch him ok?

It is here! The final instalment of The Catcher in the Rye, and, I think we're all owed an apology, oh and Marsha should apologise for attempting screamo, this episode is a bit fever dreamy tbh. Enjoy! We'll be back in a few weeks with a more wholesome read to see out the summer!

You've heard of hot girl summer, well it's time for Holden Summer! (You're gonna hate it). But stay tuned for some truly iconic insults, and the most cringeworthy night you will ever bear witness too. Oh, and who thinks Katy's partner James is a sneaky snake?

Part 3, Holden has arrived in NYC and he is ready to paaarrrtttaaayyyyy! Only, no one else wants to party with him on account if him being a child and a tosser, which is fair enough! Main takeaways: Make sure you're following @mistermainer1 on Instagram Learn there are certain things that should be kept out of reach of children Get fully on board with us making a film of this with Danny De Vito, it would be epic!!!!

We reconnect with Hold a Cauliflower as he gets back to school and meet some of his friends. Of course, Holden doesn't think of them as being friends, on account of them being phonies!! (And having questionable hygiene). Get ready for the ickiest of boys and how not to deliver a witty comeback...

We are back!! Sorry it's been too long, apparently moving house and losing your job is quite time consuming! But out with the old and in with the new, and boy, do we have a book in store for you! We are taking a look at Catcher in the Rye, the book that has been linked with multiple violent attacks, teenage angst, and rebellion against "phonies". Get ready to rage, as we take you through the tale of when an incel got the ick. Enjoy! P.S. Sorry about Marsha's mic, bear with for this episode and next week will be much better!

Right, wow, I mean, I think we can all kind of predict what's going to happen, but wow, there are some real surprises in this final instalment. Jude goes weird, we discover some new napping positions, and can anyone tell me what an idiot shape is? Don't say us!

Gage is dead. Yep. Dead. Will Lewis be able to accept it? Will he ever get to Disneyland? Will Jude do anything remotely useful? It's all happening this week in part 4 of Stephen King's Pet Sematary.

Join us as we find out we have more similarities with the characters in Pet Sematary than we previously thought. We see Louis and his family for their last great day… discuss how we should all have more lassos to hand, and also unpack what the f3ck was going on with those horses running around London?!

Things are getting sinister, sinisterer than a student dying on the first day of term, and that... relaxing bath we bore witness to last time. Get you're hiking boots o, we're going for a climb!

We're back guys! Sorry it's a bit late, lots of life changes at the moment! But we're stoked to be bringing you a new season looking at the the crazy world of Stephen King. Just, take a deep breath, and get ready to meet some very questionable protagonists...

Will Phileas win his bet? Will Aouda grow a personality? Will Passepartout punch Fix? Will they even make it out of America??!! Join us for the final part - it gets wild! Vote now, who would punch Fix? I know Katy would! We will be back after Easter with Pet Samatary, spooOOOooOoky! Have a great Easter guys! We hope you enjoyed this season! Thank you for every listen!

Full blown TW on this episode, we explain it in the episode before we get to the horrid bit and tell you what you need to know for the last episode if you'd rather skip it. But apart from that! Tune in to learn the power of 'no' from Passepartout, relive one of the best internet moments, and marvel at how much dates and times confuse Katy and Marsha.

I mean, I know the characters are on a literal journey but damn! What a journey this episode is! Betrayal, confusion, twists, turns and tumbles! Takeaways:Can you pronounce orangery like a civilised human? How many more ways can Marsha get 'Passepartout' wrong? And, how the f0(k do you say Yokohama?!

We're back! And Fix is in hot pursuit of Passepartout and Fogg! What obstacles will they tackle his week?We have a hymn singalong, and there are some high dramas! And we find out that rail travel has largely stayed the same!

Welcome back one and all! We hope you are all well and ready for our holibobs - because we are embarking on the most futile trip in literature! Get ready to burn those fossil fuels as we splash the cash and infuriate Consuls. Get in b1tches we're going racing!