We Need To Talk with Harry and Shade

Send us Fan MailThis is the episode we did not plan to make.But it is the one we had to.Harry and Shade go deeper than they have evergone — connecting brain science, marriage,parenting, and what it means to raise Blackchildren in a world that is still running onvery old, very dangerous programs.This is not a political episode.This is a human episode.About fear. About the stories our brainstell us. About what we pass to our childrenwhen we do not do the work on ourselves.And about what it takes to break the cyclebefore it breaks your family.📌 WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:🧠 How Fear Gets Wired In        Your brain is a prediction machine.        Its whole job is to protect you based        on everything that already happened        to you — and to the people who        raised you.        The more times it predicted a certain        danger, the more automatic that        prediction becomes.        Over time you stop feeling anxious        and start being anxious.        It stops being something you feel        and starts being something you        believe you are.💑 How This Shows Up in Marriage        Harry and Shade get personal about        the seasons in their marriage where        everything was actually good — and        one of them still found something        to worry about.        The real story about dates, errands,        Chick-fil-A, and two people who were        experiencing the exact same marriage        completely differently.👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Parenting — What We Pass to Our Kids        Every fear you have not dealt with        in yourself you will pass to your        children.        Not because you want to.        Because children do not learn fear        from lectures — they absorb it by        watching you.        Harry and Shade break down what they        each brought in — and what they are        working on so their four kids do not        carry what they carried.✊🏾 The Real Talk — Raising Black Children        What does it mean to raise a Black        child in a world where some people's        conditioned fear of them is more        powerful than the reality of who        they actually are?        Harry and Shade have the conversation        every Black parent is sitting with        right now — personally, honestly,        and with love.🛠️ 4 Steps to Break the Cycle        Name it. Ask if it is happening right        now. Interrupt the pattern. Practice        peace until it feels familiar.🔥 Hot Seat — Parenting & Fear Edition        The fear Harry carries about his son        that he almost never says out loud.        The moment Shade realized her anxiety        was affecting how she parented.        Both of them writing down the fear        they are still working on so they        do not pass it to their children.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💬 DROP A COMMENT — What fear did youinherit from your childhood that you arestill working on today? And have youtalked to your kids about it?We want to hear from you ⬇️━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❤️ SUPPORT THE SHOW:If this episode helped you or your familysupport us directly — every contributionkeeps the real talk coming every week.👉 https://linktr.ee/HarryFJr━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━🎧 LISTEN ON ALL PLATFORMS:🟢 Spotify🎵 Apple Podcasts📦 Amazon Music📻 iHeartRadio🎙️ Pocket Casts |Support the show

Send us Fan MailMoney ends more marriages than cheating.Not because couples don't love each other —but because they never had the real conversation about it.In Episode 5, Harry and Shade go all the wayin on finances. The money mindsets they eachbrought into this marriage. The mistakes. Thedisagreements. The power dynamics. And thefinancial lessons that only 20 years of reallife together can teach you.This is not a finance podcast. This is amarriage podcast — and money is one of themost personal things inside of one.📌 WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:00:00 - Cold Open        Before money talks FOR you —        you have to talk ABOUT it💰 The Money Backgrounds        The money mindset Harry and Shade        each brought in from childhood.        What their parents taught them —        consciously and unconsciously.        The beliefs that caused the most        friction early in the marriage.👫 The Real Talk — Harry & Shade's Story        Who handles the finances and how        that happened.        Joint or separate — what they do        and why.        The hidden purchases.        The biggest financial mistake they        made as a couple.        Has money ever created a power        imbalance in 20 years?        What their financial picture looks        like now vs where they started.🔟 Top 5 Money Questions Couples Ask        Real answers from 20 years of real        marriage. Not a finance book.        • Joint or separate accounts?        • Spender vs saver — how do you           navigate that?        • How do you talk about money           without it becoming a fight?        • What do you do when one partner           earns significantly more?        • How do you get on the same page           with completely different money          backgrounds?💌 Fix It or Leave It — Listener Situation        One real money situation from a real        listener. Harry and Shade give their        honest take — and they do not fully        agree.🔥 Hot Seat — Money Edition        Have you ever hidden a purchase?        Who is better with money?        What is your biggest financial fear        for this family right now?        Fast. Unscripted. No skipping.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💬 DROP A COMMENT — Has money ever beena source of real tension in your relationship? What was the conversation that finally changed things?We want to hear from you ⬇️━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❤️ SUPPORT THE SHOW:If We Need To Talk has added value toyour life or your relationship — supportus directly and keep the real talk comingevery single week.👉 https://linktr.ee/WeneedtotalkHS━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━🎧 LISTEN ON ALL PLATFORMS:🟢 Spotify🎵 Apple Podcasts📦 Amazon Music📻 iHeartRadio🎙️ Pocket Casts | Podchaser | Podcast Addict   Player FM | Podcast Index▶️ YouTube: @WeneedtotalkHS━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📲 FOLLOW US:TikTok & Instagram: @weneedtotalkhs👍 Like · Subscribe · Share with one couplewho needs to have this conversationNew episode every Sunday at 11AM EST 🎙️— Harry & Shade ❤️#weneedtotalkhs #couplesoftiktok #marriedlife#realtalk #podcast #blacklove #moneyandmarriage#relationshipgoals #marriageadvice #blackpodcast#finances #couplegoals #realrelationshiptalk#relationshiptok #20yearsmarriedSupport the show

Send us Fan MailMost couples think they have good communication problem. But what if the real problem is not HOW you communicate, but WHAT is actually driving the conversation without your permission?In Episode 4, Harry and Shade break down the two systems are running inside your brain every single day and show exactly how they show up inside a marriage, in real arguments, real patterns, and 20 years of real moments between two people who had to learn how to actually hear each other.This one hits different. 🧠📌 WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:00:00 - Cold Open        Shade drops the receipts on Harry's        communication — and he knew it was coming🧠 The Framework        The two systems running your brain        every day whether you know it or not.        System 1 — your automatic, reactive,        old-program brain.        System 2 — your intentional, conscious,        choosing brain.        Most couples are having System 1        conversations and wondering why nothing        ever gets resolved.👫 The Real Talk — Harry & Shade's Story        The patterns they brought in from        childhood without realizing it.        The receipts Shade had on Harry.        The receipts Harry had on Shade.        The argument they kept having for years        — and what it was really about.        The moment everything shifted.🛠️ Tools That Actually Work        4 practical tools to switch from        reacting to responding — starting        tonight.        Tool 1 — Catch the thought        Tool 2 — Question it        Tool 3 — Choose the second thought        Tool 4 — Create quiet🔥 Hot Seat — Communication Edition        "When I am talking to you, are you        actually listening or already planning        your response?"        Fast. Unscripted. No skipping.🎬 Outro + Episode 5 Tease        Money is coming. Joint accounts,        hidden purchases, financial secrets.        The conversation that ends more        marriages than cheating.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💬 DROP A COMMENT — What is your System 1trigger in your relationship? The thing thatsends you straight to reaction mode beforeyou can stop yourself?We want to know. ⬇️━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❤️ SUPPORT THE SHOW:If this episode helped you or your relationshipsupport us directly — every contribution keepsthe real talk coming every week.👉 https://linktr.ee/WeneedtotalkHS━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━🎧 LISTEN ON ALL PLATFORMS:🟢 Spotify🎵 Apple Podcasts📦 Amazon Music📻 iHeartRadio🎙️ Pocket Casts | Podchaser | Podcast Addict   Player FM | Podcast Index▶️ YouTube: @WeneedtotalkHS━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📲 FOLLOW US:TikTok & Instagram: @weneedtotalkhs👍 Like · Subscribe · Share with one couplewho needs to hear thisNew episode every Sunday at 11AM EST 🎙️— Harry & Shade ❤️#weneedtotalkhs #couplesoftiktok #marriedlife#realtalk #podcast #blacklove #communication#relationshipgoals #marriageadvice #blackpodcast#mindset #couplegoals #realrelationshiptalk#relationshiptok #20yearsmarriedSupport the show

Send us Fan MailThis is the episode most podcasts won't make.Harry and Shade get completely vulnerable about something millions of couples go through and almost nobody talks about out loud — intimacy challenges, body changes, and the health issues that silently affect your relationship before you even know what's happening.This one is personal. This one is real. And this one might save your relationship.📌 WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:🔟 Top 5 Intimacy Questions Couples Actually Ask        We start with the questions every couple         is googling at midnight but never saying         to each other.        Real answers from 20 years of real marriage.        Not textbook. Not filtered. Just honest.        • How do you keep intimacy alive after           years of marriage, kids, and life?        • What do you do when one partner wants           it more than the other?        • How do health changes affect intimacy           and what do you do about it?        • How do you get the intimacy back after           a long dry spell?        • How do you talk about intimacy problems           without making your partner feel broken?💑 The Real Talk — Harry & Shade's Story        Harry opens up about his personal experience         with erectile dysfunction in his early 30s.        The fear. The silence. The mental spiral.        The questions it created between him and Shade.        Shade shares what it felt like from her side —        the doubts, the thoughts she was too afraid         to say out loud, and what it took to support         her husband through something neither of them         had a roadmap for.        And how they found their way back to each         other — stronger than before.🏥 The Health Talk — What Nobody Tells You        The connection between ED and high blood         pressure that Harry discovered years later.        What pre-menopause actually does to a         woman's desire, her body, and her relationship.        What every partner needs to understand         before they make her changes about themselves.        How to navigate physical changes together         instead of letting them silently create         distance between you.🔥 Hot Seat — Intimacy Edition        The questions most couples think but         never say out loud.        Fast. Unscripted. No skipping allowed.        The answers might surprise you.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━🚨 TO EVERY MAN LISTENING:If something has changed in your intimate life —your body is trying to tell you something.Get your blood pressure checked.Get your testosterone checked.Get a full physical.Don't let embarrassment cost you your health or your relationship.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━🌸 TO EVERY WOMAN'S PARTNER:When her desire changes — that is not about you.Learn what pre-menopause actually does before you make it about yourself.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━💬 DROP A COMMENT — Has your relationship ever been affected by a health issue neither of you knew how to talk about?You are not alone. We see you.❤️ SUPPORT THE SHOW:If this episode helped you or someone you love —support us directly and keep the real talk comingevery single week.https://linktr.ee/WeneedtotalkHS━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━🎧 LISTEN ON ALL PLATFORMS:🟢 Spotify🎵 Apple Podcasts📦 Amazon Music📻 iHeartRadio🎙️ Pocket Casts | Podchaser | Podcast Addict   Player FM | Podcast Index▶️ YouTube: @WeneedtotalkHS━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📲 FOLLOW US:TikTok & Instagram: @weneedtotalkhs👍 Like · Subscribe · Share with someone who needs to hear thisNew episode every Sunday at 11AM EST 🎙️— Harry & Shade ❤️#weneedtotalkhs #couplesoftiktok #marriedlife#realtalk #podcast #blacklove #intimacy#menshealth #blackmenhealth #premenopause#relationshipgoals #marriageadvice #blackpodcast#healthyrelationship #20yearsmarriedSupport the show

Send us Fan MailWe said we weren't done with Trust — and we meant it.Episode 2 picks up right where we left off. Harry and Shade finish answering the Top 10 most common trust questions couples actually ask and as always, we don't always agree. That's kind of the whole point.Then we do something new we break down a real Comment left by a listener and answer it in 5 deep questions. Because sometimes one comment says everything a lot of people are feeling, but nobody is saying out loud.We throw in a BONUS QUESTION that came out of nowhere, and honestly stopped us both for a second.Then the Hot Seat closes it out — fast, unscripted, and no skipping allowed.📌 WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:00:00 - Cold Open + Welcome Back       Finishing what we started on TrustTop 10 Trust Questions — The Conclusion       We pick up where Episode 1 left off and        Finish answering every single one. Our        real answers. No textbook responses.Listener Comment Breakdown       A real comment. 5 deep questions.        Harry and Shade break it all the way down        and hold nothing back.Bonus Question       The one question that stopped us mid-       conversation. You'll understand when        you hear it.🔥 Hot Seat       Fast. Unscripted. No skipping.       The questions most couples won't ask        each other — we asked them anyway.Outro + Episode 3 Tease       Next week we're switching gears.        Communication is coming — and Shade        already has receipts on Harry.💬 DROP A COMMENT — Which trust question from the Top 10 hit closest to home? And did you agree with our answers?❤️ SUPPORT THE SHOW:If We Need To Talk has added value to your life or your relationship, support us directly!Every contribution keeps the real talk coming every single week.👉 buzzsprout.com/2614519/support🎧 LISTEN ON ALL PLATFORMS:🟢 Spotify🎵 Apple Podcasts📦 Amazon Music📻 iHeartRadio🎙️ Pocket Casts | Podchaser | Podcast Addict   Player FM | Podcast Index▶️ YouTube: @WeneedtotalkHS📲 FOLLOW US:TikTok & Instagram: @weneedtotalkhs👍 Subscribe · Share · Leave a ReviewNew episode every Sunday at 11AM EST— Harry & Shade 🎙️Support the show

Send us Fan MailWelcome to We Need To Talk with Harry and Shade the podcast where a real married couple sits down, keeps it 100, and has the conversations most people avoid.We're Harry and Shade Farquharson. Twenty years married, four kids ranging from 7 to 20, and zero interest in pretending we have it all figured out. This podcast is our real story the love, the hard seasons, the laughs, and the lessons that only come from actually putting in the work together.In this first episode we introduce ourselves and our family the real version, not the highlight reel. You'll meet the kids, hear how we got here, and find out exactly why we decided to start doing this out loud on a microphone.Then we get into it. Our featured topic for Episode 1 is TRUST one of the most important and most avoided conversations in any relationship. We talk about what trust really means to each of us, what happens when it breaks, what it actually takes to rebuild it, and the small everyday things that either build trust or quietly destroy it.We also pull out The Receipts breaking down current celebrity relationship situations and connecting them directly to what real couples go through every day.This episode covers:• Who Harry & Shade are — and what 20 years really looks like• Introducing our four kids and the chaos of a full house• Trust — our personal definition and what it's meant in our marriage• What breaks trust and what it takes to actually rebuild it• The Hot Seat segment — rapid fire questions, no skipping allowed• Real relationship habits — the ones building you up and the ones tearing you downIf you've ever questioned your partner, been questioned yourself, or just want to hear two real people talk about real life — this one is for you.New episodes drop every week. Follow, subscribe, and send us your questions — we read everything.— Harry & ShadeSupport the show