Welcome To The Suburbs

It’s May in Indiana—and that means race season, road stories, and a few unexpected detours.In this episode of Welcome To The Suburbs, Andy and Greg dive into the world of casinos, stand-up comedy on the road, and the strange economics of entertainment—from smoky gambling floors and bingo halls to low-paying gigs in paradise.Greg shares stories from his years as a traveling comic—why some gigs aren’t worth the trip, what it’s like performing in casinos, and the reality behind “dream” destinations like Hawaii and Vegas.Along the way, the conversation veers into:Indiana casino culture and proposed new developmentsThe psychology of gambling (and why they hand you silver dollars)Comedy club economics and life on the roadFamily gatherings, awkward moments, and unforgettable exitsThe myth of “fun” at corporate events and conferencesIt’s part storytelling, part stand-up, and part honest look at the choices we make—on stage, on the road, and at home.If you enjoy comedy podcasts, stand-up stories, Midwest life, or behind-the-scenes entertainment talk, this episode is for you.Subscribe, share, and help us spread the laughter.www.suburbspodcast.com

In this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy and Greg dive into a wide-ranging, hilarious conversation that blends real-life frustrations, generational insights, and everyday suburban chaos.Greg shares a surprising reconnection with a complicated friend—exploring boundaries, emotional baggage, and what happens when old friendships resurface. The guys unpack generational labels—from Baby Boomers to Gen Alpha—and question whether any of them actually hold up in real life.Andy brings the pain with a dentist visit gone wrong, proving once again that even routine appointments can spiral into unexpected misery. Meanwhile, Greg provides updates on “Jenny on the Spot” and the growing visibility of Mint Aesthetics, highlighting the unpredictable wins (and headaches) of running a small business in today’s world.From inheritance shenanigans to youth sports intensity, this episode is packed with sharp observations, relatable moments, and the kind of humor that defines suburban life.If you’ve ever dealt with family tension, questioned generational stereotypes, or just tried to get through a dental appointment in one piece—this one’s for you. New episodes drop bi weekly—subscribe, share, and help spread the laughter.www.suburbspodcast.com

Spring has officially arrived—and so has another wildly relatable, laugh-out-loud episode of Welcome to the Suburbs with Andy and Greg.In Season 4, Episode 84, Greg shares the moment he got “fired” as the marketing director of Keely’s aesthetics business (yes, really). What starts as a business conversation quickly turns into a hilarious look at partnerships, communication, and knowing your lane.From there, the episode takes a turn into classic suburban storytelling:A chaotic Florida condo check-in involving confusing elevator instructions and tech gone wrongObservations on vacation culture (including “Satan’s elevator” and stair-loving traditionalists)The ongoing saga of Jenny and a water leak at Ripple Avenue SuitesParenting flashbacks, baby-proofing battles, and the reality of generational differencesAnd a deep dive into lake life politics—wake surfing, massive waves, and the fight to reclaim peace on the waterIt’s funny, observational, and full of those “only in real life” moments that define suburban living.Whether you’re a homeowner, a traveler, or just someone trying to make sense of modern life, this episode delivers humor, perspective, and a few well-earned rants along the way.www.suburbspodcast.com

What happens when daylight saving time hits, AI blurs reality, and a simple dinner turns into a full-blown suburban saga?In this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy and Greg dive into the everyday moments that somehow spiral into unforgettable stories—from a mistaken credit card situation that feels like a crime scene interrogation, to a steakhouse disaster that ends in a “butterflied” filet and a comped meal.Along the way, they unpack:The growing confusion around AI, fake news, and social mediaWhy everyday errands (like getting gas) aren’t as simple as they used to beTravel chaos on the road back from Florida—including a GPS detour through questionable territoryThe strange, hilarious reality of suburban life that no one talks about—but everyone experiencesIt’s relatable, off-the-cuff, and packed with the kind of storytelling that makes you laugh because… you’ve been there.If you’ve ever questioned humanity at a gas pump, been disappointed by a “nice” restaurant, or trusted your GPS a little too much—this episode is for you.www.suburbspodcast.com

Greg and Andy are back with another round of suburban observations and stories that somehow spiral into the absurd.Andy shares highlights from his 18th Yes concert, including the surprising economics of concert merchandise and how a bag somehow ended up free. From there the conversation drifts into a restaurant experience where the fish and chips arrived stone cold, awkward dining moments, and why sometimes the best meal of the night is the dessert you didn’t plan to order.The episode takes a strange turn when Greg’s Uber ride home becomes a soundtrack of true-crime murders blasting through the speakers while the driver completely ignores the passenger in the back seat.Along the way Greg and Andy talk about aging trucks, restaurant chaos, weird customer service moments, and the kinds of stories that only seem to happen in everyday suburban life.If you enjoy stories about concert nostalgia, awkward dining experiences, strange Uber rides, and the humor hidden in ordinary life, this episode is for you.www.suburbspodcast.com

In this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy and Greg tackle the great Midwestern food divide — Skyline Chili vs. real chili, cinnamon crimes, and the shocking discovery of ketchup corn casserole (yes, it exists).From bluegill jigs in the parking lot to a Ruth’s Chris dinner meltdown before a Paul McCartney concert, the night spirals into fired bartenders, dusty wine pours, carrot-tip “seasonal vegetables,” and a salmon so overcooked it belonged in a can.Meanwhile, Paul delivers a religious experience, the crowd stays seated like it’s the symphony, and a single Blackbird tears up the arena.Food fights. Concert etiquette. Merch lines that rival the Indy 500.Just another night in the suburbs.Subscribe and share — laughter is contagious.www.suburbspodcast.com

Season 4 kicks off with Episode 80, and Andy and Greg ease back in the only way they know how—by talking allergies, aging, Florida anniversaries, train documentaries, and the slow creep of suburban surveillance.Greg returns from a trip to Florida where quality time with his parents includes steak dinners, retirement-level entertainment, and a multi-episode documentary about trains—somehow both boring and fascinating. From there, the conversation drifts (as it should) into questionable speed cameras, construction-zone ticket warnings, childhood run-ins with the law, and the lost art of making change—for tips, bribes, or beer money.Along the way, they unpack modern suburbia: AI-powered traffic enforcement, cruise control paranoia, turn signals left on for decades, and the quiet realization that everyone is always watching—but nobody is actually working on the road.It’s a laid-back, laugh-out-loud episode about growing older, slowing down (whether you want to or not), and navigating the strange rules of adult life—one train documentary and warning letter at a time.Subscribe, share, and remember: laughter is contagious.www.suburbspodcast.com

In Season 3, Episode 79 of Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy and Greg tackle the kind of crises only suburban life can produce.It starts with a from-scratch chocolate cake, a counter-surfing dog named Geoffrey, and the harsh realization that you can’t really punish a dog — only yourself. From there, the conversation ricochets through sound bath meditation, middle-of-the-night consequences of poor dessert choices, and a heartfelt meditation on what dogs actually understand about love, routine, and timeouts.Along the way, Greg battles the Mayor’s Action Center over runaway recycling bins.Andy debates the emotional toll of changing 34 clocks. Yes, 34  two on the lawnmower.Greg breaks a key off in his front door (locking himself inside), and learns that apparently all of Pella’s replacement parts are controlled by one guy with a bad knee.It’s a classic Suburbs episode: funny, oddly philosophical, deeply relatable, and full of moments that make you stop and say, “Yep… that tracks.”www.suburbspodcast.com

Welcome to Season 3, Episode 78 of Welcome to the Suburbs — and welcome to 2026.In this episode, Andy and Greg unravel the unexpected chaos of suburban life when a semi-permanent short-term guest turns into a full-blown mystery, a washing machine refuses to cooperate, and ChatGPT somehow becomes the most reliable appliance technician in the room.What starts as a broken washer spirals into candle-lit basements, awkward tenant encounters, appliance repair standoffs, and a surprisingly accurate AI diagnosis. Along the way, the guys reflect on gut instincts, landlord life, minimum wage debates, old jobs, magicians, and the strange confidence of people who absolutely should not be slamming washing machine lids.To wrap it all up, Andy puts Greg through the Ultimate Picky Eaters Test, revealing strong opinions about sardines, anchovies, tofu, grits, and what does—or absolutely does not—qualify as food.It’s a classic Welcome to the Suburbs episode: observational, unfiltered, funny, and rooted in the everyday absurdities that come with aging, homeownership, and trying to be reasonable adults in an unreasonable world. Press play, laugh along, and remember: sometimes the smartest person in the room is ChatGPT.www.suburbspodcast.com

It’s two degrees below zero, an Alberta Clipper has swept through Indiana, and Greg has officially entered his property manager era—snow removal, salt trucks, and all. Andy and Greg warm up the microphones and reflect on cold mornings, neighborhood smells, junk mail scams, and the absurdity of modern home “protection” programs.From memories of life before Wi-Fi to early dial-up internet, Atari, CompuServe email addresses, and daydreams about what the future might hold, this episode drifts effortlessly between humor and reflection. There are stories about grandmothers, first creative epiphanies, paying bills by mail, and the strange ways marketing, fear, and nostalgia collide in everyday suburban life.As Season 3 winds down, Andy and Greg do what they do best—turn ordinary moments into laughter, perspective, and connection.Welcome to the Suburbs.www.suburbspodcast.com

This week on Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy and Greg return to Lake James for part two of their location recording—and somehow land on Ozzy Osbourne, Brian Wilson, and the unexpected ways greatness brushes up against ordinary life.From Ozzy’s improbable rise—from factory-town kid with a borrowed PA system to genre-defining icon and reality-TV pioneer—to Brian Wilson’s quiet genius and lasting influence, the conversation drifts through music history, fame, and the strange paths that lead people into legendary rooms.Along the way, Greg shares his own very suburban brush with Ozzy (in a Palm Beach seafood restaurant), Andy revisits a Ball State–era Ozzy concert involving flying meat and a questionable cup of liver, and the guys reflect on how proximity to greatness often looks nothing like we imagine.As always, the episode swerves—through John Fogerty sightings, studio stories, rental-property expectations, broken license plate screws, city Christmas lights, and the small irritations that define suburban life just as much as the big moments.It’s a conversation about music, memory, absurdity, and the reminder that sometimes the most memorable brushes with greatness happen when you’re just trying to get through dinner.www.suburbspodcast.com

In Season 3, Episode 75, Andy and Greg take Welcome to the Suburbs on the road to Greg’s family lake house at Lake James — a place with more stories than shoreline.This episode has everything:• Updates on the real hauntings that didn’t make it into Episode 67• Estelle, the levitating closet ghost (finally with the correct name)• Greg’s mom’s “famous” chocolate chip cookies… straight from the bag• Ski-boat romance, flat-tire misery, and a tractor-supply rescue mission• Meijer’s most enthusiastic greeter• Stephen A.’s unforgettable “garlic bread” contribution• Plus: baking rules, scone dust, Savage Garden, and questionable dance lessonsIt’s another classic Suburbs mix of stories, laughter, nostalgia, and the kind of conversations that only happen when you’re sitting on a lake porch with coffee (or beer) in hand.🎧 Listen, laugh, and share with a friend. Laughter is contagious — help spread it.www.suburbspodcast.com

In Season 3, Episode 74 of Welcome to The Suburbs, Andy and Greg dive into one of the funniest listener-question episodes yet. From PSAS and breast augmentation “research,” to Greg’s Mount Rushmore of comedy and Andy’s Mount Rushmore of legendary sound engineers, nothing is off-limits in this rapid-fire Q&A fueled entirely by loyal listener Ricky.Greg shares outrageous stories from the comedy circuit—including the night Tommy Chong missed his cue because he was getting high behind a dumpster—and explains why orange milkshakes may turn him into a human vibrator. Andy reveals the behind-the-board world of live mixing, the concerts he’ll never walk out on, and why he will never do stand-up (despite Greg’s best efforts).This episode is classic Suburbs: irreverent, warm, weird, and occasionally educational.🎧 Send your questions to: [email protected]

Dr. Bob joins Andy and Greg in The Suburbs for an unexpectedly educational deep dive into cannabis-infused drinks, bizarre medical mysteries, and why armadillos might be the next big Indiana problem. From auto-brewery syndrome and tetanus shots to Swedish fish with THC, the guys keep the laughs coming while learning just enough to be dangerous.Then Greg wraps up with a lake house confession involving a trash pump, a Rural King return, and an employee who forgot she was on the clock. It’s a perfectly suburban blend of humor, science, and questionable life hacks.www.suburbspodcast.com

Halloween season hits the suburbs, and things are heating up—literally.Andy recounts the infamous Airbnb “heatwave” that nearly melted his five-star rating. Forget the fact these were house guests. Greg flashes back to his childhood drive-in days before diving headfirst into a pop-metal concert that leaves him surrounded by college kids, mosh pits, and existential questions.They also cover:Haunted houses and “Here Come the Gummies”Ripple Suites’ mysterious new tenant, “Jenny on the Spot”Why Florida insists on keeping buildings ice-coldA Fox Hollow Murders grocery-store encounter that gets way too personalSuburban life, nostalgia, and absolute nonsense—it’s all here in Season 3, Episode 72.www.suburbspodcast.com

Fall has arrived (sort of), and Andy and Greg are back with a fresh mix of suburban stories and tangents. In Episode 71, they cover:Giant skeletons, over-the-top yard displays, and where exactly you store a 10-foot Grim ReaperThe mysterious loophole that lets THC drinks hit Indiana liquor store shelves while everything else stays off-limitsGreg’s billing fiasco with “Dear No Name” and a customer service rep who thinks mailing it fixes everythingDogs, dentists, sleep doctors, and the fine art of making sense of nonsenseFrom absurd Halloween clutter to real-life healthcare head-shakers, it’s another ride through the laughs and frustrations of suburban life.www.suburbspodcast.com

Andy and Greg kick off fall with laughter, nostalgia, and a brand-new Roslyn Retreat jingle that turns into an unexpected recording adventure. Greg shares the hilarious story of conquering his fear of singing, stepping into the studio, and discovering the difference between a “jingle” and a “lingle.”From late-night paranoia catchphrases like “bringing living room,” to tales of million-dollar guitars hidden under farmers’ beds, to softcover porn books disguised as history class reading material—this episode blends music, memory, and mischief in true Suburbs style.Oh, and yes, we’re taking mailbag questions now—so send yours to [email protected]

From stuffed chicken thighs and cereal-for-dinner debates to Broad Ripple driveways, short-term rental surprises, and HVAC scams — Andy and Greg are back with another laugh-out-loud episode of Welcome to the Suburbs.In Episode 69, the guys swap stories about managing rentals, neighbor drama, “quick response” QR code revelations, and even how to choose the perfect stripper name. You’ll hear about unexpected guest check-ins, a DIY grocery run gone wrong, and the infamous 44th repair item at the Broad Ripple Suites.As always, expect a mix of hilarious suburban storytelling, life lessons, and plenty of unexpected detours.Subscribe, share, and laugh along with us — because life’s too short not to find the humor in the chaos.www.suburbspodcast.com

Andy and Greg kick off Season 3, Episode 68 with a chilling dive into the Fox Hollow murders—creepy mannequins, strange obsessions, and suburban horror. From there, things take flight (literally) with owl stories, tree-climbing misadventures, and cliffside panic at Havasupai Falls. Add in some neighborhood oddities, HOA hilarity, and family stories that blur the line between truth and tall tale, and you’ve got another ride through the suburbs that’s equal parts eerie, funny, and all too real.www.suburbspodcast.com

In Season 3, Episode 67 of Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy and Greg wade into the deep end of summer with a mix of the bizarre, the spooky, and the hilariously mundane. From a comedy club condo with a bathtub full of spaghetti to neighborhood ghost sightings, no story is too strange. They unravel the tale of a mysteriously locked door, a little girl apparition, and even a ghostly grandma. The guys also tackle the pressing issue of missing People magazines, postal service adventures, and the curious world of “Gaylords” (the warehouse kind). Rounding things out are hot takes on Cirque du Soleil, zombie house flipping, and the fine art of scripted spontaneity.www.suburbspodcast.com

Andy and Greg are back with another late-night ramble through suburban life—this time tackling everything from questionable sleep aids to nostalgic rock trivia.Greg recounts his epic sleep study fail, his reluctant romance with a CPAP machine, and the insurance company’s passive-aggressive text reminders. Andy dives into the hilariously sketchy marketing of the “Pillow Mate” speaker—ideal for listening to cricket matches (because, why not?). Along the way, they detour into Emerson, Lake & Palmer album art, Sting’s accidental Money for Nothing lawsuit, Robert Palmer’s mysterious career, and why the Indianapolis Museum of Art now hates dogs.It’s a ride filled with absurdity, nostalgia, and just enough suburban chaos to make you laugh out loud.Grab your favorite pillow (but keep it away from electrical wiring), settle in, and enjoy another unpredictable trip to The Suburbs.www.suburbspodcast.com

Greg and Andy return with a laugh-filled episode that proves no topic is too small—or too outdated—for the suburbs. From banks that don’t carry cash to fax machines that cost $6, the guys dig into the absurdities of modern (and not-so-modern) life. Greg shares a “Tiny Town” update about his sister’s attempt to subdivide a lake house master bedroom, leading to a hilarious comparison to Spinal Tap’s Stonehenge debacle. Along the way, we meet Bob’s Bank, discover why Red Mesa won’t stop texting, and revisit Andy’s  traumatic ice skating history. It’s fast, funny, and oddly informative—just how you like it.www.suburbspodcast.com

It’s officially summertime, and Andy and Greg are back with another episode of Welcome to the Suburbs—where laughter comes with legal disclaimers. Greg breaks the news about Ripple Avenue Suites’ shady former tenants (spoiler: the Asian Flower Spa lives on… in spirit and search results). And no, it wasn’t about massage—unless you were interested in a “happy ending.”From sweepstakes winnings to glitter drywall, mouse drama at the lake house, and whether gym class was actually “PE,” the guys navigate their usual chaos with an extra side of booty dust.Also in this episode:Cashier’s checks for lifeLegal advice from a practitioner who appears to be legitStrangers knocking at the wrong spa doorThe ethics of rodent removalA deep dive into chicken neglect at the Indy 500Subscribe, laugh, and maybe check your address on Google Maps—just in case.www.suburbspodcast.com

What do a fourth-grade ceramic mug, Fifth Third Bank’s ridiculous math, and a suspicious $9.82 million inheritance letter have in common? Absolutely everything in this week’s episode of Welcome to the Suburbs.Andy reads a letter from a “legal practitioner” offering him millions from a mysterious overseas relative. Greg makes a banker cry. Together they explore the emotional baggage of sentimental keepsakes, estate planning gone sideways, and why cinnamon shouldn’t smell like dust.Also in this episode:The art of letting go (of spice racks)That awkward moment your bank greeter breaks down in tearsSlayer’s greatest hits… and greatest tits?Why Roombas should never take your fast food orderTune in for laughs, life, and legal scams.www.suburbspodcast.com

Greg bought another house… maybe. In this episode, Andy and Greg dive into the potential of a second Airbnb property—a rundown rental filled with broken vacuums, creepy tenants, and enough duct tape to make MacGyver proud. But is it a gold mine or a future episode of Hoarders?Also on the docket:• A chemical peel gone wrong• A building inspector with stogie-and-thermos energy• Bagging etiquette at Walmart• And Greg’s night at the sleep study center (spoiler: no bolts in his neck)Whether you’re into real estate, ridiculous retail encounters, or respiratory therapy, this one’s got you covered.www.suburbspodcast.com

In this episode, Andy and Greg dive beard-first into a tangle of hilarious and heartfelt tales—from a mysterious missing painting and a very questionable uncle, to mustache-clad IndyCar superfans and sketchy roadside motels. There’s also a dog who finally learns to eat on his own (after four years), a fish funeral that rivals ancient civilizations, and a bizarre addiction to Vicks inhalers. Whether it’s the Mustache Club, awkward hotel encounters, or getting called out at the speedway, this episode has everything you didn’t know you needed.www.suburbspodcast.com

Andy and Greg head back to school… art school, that is. In this episode, Greg shares his wild ride through metal sculpting, finger-welding, and an intro-to-oil-painting class taught by a barely-awake instructor. From making a fish out of scrap metal to navigating toxic paints and art-class chaos, they cover it all—with plenty of laughs (and a few bandages) along the way. Grab your smock (or your mom’s blouse) and join us for another hilarious trip to the suburbs!www.suburbspodcast.com

After 35 years of marriage, Greg has finally learned that guessing gifts before unwrapping them is not a love language. Even when he means well, his psychic present-sleuthing sucks the joy out of the moment. To help, he’s turned to acting classes—because pretending to be surprised is apparently a skill.Elsewhere in suburbia:– Greg’s double-shot vaccine appointment turns into a tequila-scented CVS horror show.– Jennifer pays the HOA fee on time—but not a moment sooner.– A well-intentioned meeting at the bank with his sister ends in tears… and puke.Acting skills help, but you won’t need them to enjoy Season 3, Episode 59 of Welcome to the Suburbs.www.suburbspodcast.com

When Greg’s dad was alive, he was an endless source of rants. Checking in with him was like uncorking a genie of angst—30 minutes of pure frustration directed at everything from junk mail to the cost of mulch to the absurd volume of acorns. In this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs, we start with one of his classic rants—this time about Hulu.Meanwhile, Andy shares the one minor detail he forgot before his wedding: getting legally divorced. Turns out, being emotionally divorced isn’t enough for the Indiana judicial system. Who knew?The guys also dive into the grandparent naming debate. Greg thinks kids should choose naturally. Andy’s mom, however, insisted on being called Grandma-Ma—because apparently, she thought she was in The Sound of Music. Speaking of which, Greg would rather watch almost anything else—including movies that don’t even exist yet.Inspired by a book from Greg’s daughter, the guys compare their top 10 movies and music albums. Andy’s take on Greg’s list? “You sound like a toddler.” And Greg’s music taste? “Basically Dave Matthews’ Greatest Hits with a couple of Zeppelin tracks to throw me off.”Andy also just went to a vinyl record show, where the entire place smelled like a mix of old cigarettes, weed, and Grandma’s attic. He even passed on one album because it reeked so badly. Greg wondered if it was a stop smoking album—maybe the original owner didn’t even finish it before the cigarettes took them out.What made Andy’s top 10? What’s Greg’s actual worst movie of all time? And what’s the deal with kids and weird grandparent names? Tune in to Episode 58 for all this and more!www.suburbspodcast.com

Greg and Andy are back in the studio for Episode 57, and things are already off the rails.Greg and Keely are on Day 3 of a six-day grandparent experiment, babysitting their three-year-old granddaughter—and let’s just say it’s not going smoothly for Greg.Greg, in an effort to be the fun grandpa, has reduced his granddaughter to tears multiple times—all thanks to a toy cell phone and a deep commitment to realism. He’d pretend to answer the phone, then rattle off his Social Security number, PIN, and grandmother’s maiden name before looking at her and saying:“But she didn’t order a John Deere 700 series tractor with port and starboard attachments. Did you?”Cue: 10 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing.Keely laughed—until she didn’t.“Grandpa, you’re scaring her.”Lesson learned: Know your audience. Also, check your credit report after spending a night at Meemaw and Grandpa’s house.Kidneys, Weddings & Questionable Life ChoicesMeanwhile, their daughter Carly is off in Mexico, stying hair an event. Her husband, Matt, tagged along because, well, it’s Mexico. And he’s always wanted to wake up in a bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney.Andy then takes the conversation in an entirely different direction: Jennifer’s wedding dress shopping adventure.Somehow, it devolved into a My Little Pony-themed birthday party for grown women.Long story short, Prosecco-fueled giggles led to a wedding dress that Jennifer absolutely did NOT want.Was it bedazzled, and rainbow colored? Greg asked. Can alterations fix a bridal regret? Maybe. But step one: Put the champagne flute down before swiping the credit card.Britney Spears, Katy Perry & Andy’s Unwanted Pop Culture KnowledgeTurns out Andy just finished reading a book about Britney Spears. Greg, however, was subjected to an unrequested crash course in Britney’s life when Jennifer’s trashy tabloid magazine arrived in the mail.Andy, clearly proud of his newfound knowledge, keeps dropping facts like he personally wrote her Wikipedia page.“You should read her book,” Andy suggests, sincerely.“NO.” Greg’s response is instant.“How about Katy Perry?”“Still no.”If Greg ever reads a Britney Spears memoir, it’ll be because he’s a highly accomplished man with absolutely nothing left to do.Final take a way from this episode, if Greg’s granddaughter opens a line of credit in his name next week, at least he’ll know she definitely didn’t order a John Deere 700 series tractor with port and starboard attachments from a toy phone.www.suburbspodcast.com

Here’s a shocker: The wife of a Wisconsin kayaker who faked his own drowning to abandon his family and run off to Eastern Europe is now filing for divorce. Didn’t see that coming, did you? Episode 56 of Welcome to the Suburbs takes a deep dive into Ryan Borgwardt’s ridiculous escape attempt, how authorities tracked him down, and why guys like this make our job easy.If this is your first time listening, don’t be fooled into thinking we’re a True Crime podcast. No, we just prefer making fun of dumb criminals over solving cases.But that’s just the beginning…Rosslyn Retreat Needs a Jingle – Andy is determined to get Greg to write lyrics for their Airbnb, promising that national recording artist Jimi Ryser will craft the melody. Andy is convinced that once guests hear it, they’ll extend their stay. Greg points out that their first guest asked for two extensions. Andy asks, “Extension cords?” Greg responds, “Yes. She wanted to fake her own death by hanging herself in the bathroom.” Welcome to hospitality. Andy asked if their insurance covered that? Greg said, only liability. If I' there encouraging her to jump, we're coveredShould Greg and Keely Buy a Lake House to Airbnb?  – Andy suggests they rent a backhoe and dig their own lake. You know I used a backhoe for my summer job landscaping Eagle Creek Golf Course. At that point the conversation goes off the rails as Greg reveals the other employees were ex-cons from the Haughville neighborhood in Indianapolis. The college kid got his education from former felons. Every Friday after they were paid, they’d cash their check and drink. After recovering from a crushed pelvis, the result of losing control of a backhoe after drinking, Jim, one of the Haughville gang, got into a knife fight at a party and cut his finger off. His Haughville brethren rushed him to the hospital where it was reattached. As they left the hospital Jim realized it was early enough to go back to the party to finish the fight. “Hold my finger. I’m gunna kick his ass.”Fast Food & Worm Burgers – Andy asks Greg if he ever worked in fast food. Nope. But Greg’s brother Tom worked at Wendy’s when the “ground worms in the burgers” rumor was at its peak. This launches Greg into a wild story about worm hunting in Huntsville, Alabama, where his ex-girlfriend’s dad showed him how to summon giant gray worms by banging on the ground near rotten logs. Andy, horrified, asks, “Big like snakes?” Greg, unimpressed, responds, “Snakes come in different sizes. That’s like asking, how long is a ball of string?”Speaking of Snakes…  – A python in Florida was caught eating a white-tailed deer. Greg wonders if the snake was incredibly fast or just had the reflexes of a center fielder. Either way, Florida stays undefeated in the “What the Hell is Happening” department.Turkey Neck Gravy & Andy’s Nausea  – When Andy finds out Greg once made gravy out of turkey neck meat, his stomach turns. What was the occasion? What’s Greg’s secret recipe for neck meat gravy? Only one way to find out.Join us for Episode 56 of Welcome to The Suburbs—where fake deaths, felon wisdom, and fast food horror stories collide!www.suburbspodcast.com

Greg kicks off the episode with a sigh of relief: "Life is good—no one’s spilled my bodily fluids over any parking lots." But that doesn't mean he’s not stirring up some suburban chaos.First up, Greg embraces his new role as "trailer guy"—but vows never to be that trailer guy stranded on the roadside without a spare tire. Andy points out that some boat owners don’t even think to bring a spare, leading to Greg’s latest revelation: "If you can drop 200K on a boat, maybe spring for the extra tire."Traffic woes continue as Greg finds himself stuck behind the worst kind of suburban drivers—the ones who create their own lanes. Instead of sitting idly by, he takes matters into his own hands, pulling his 4-Runner and utility trailer onto the shoulder to block them. Andy dubs it "setting a pick." Greg takes it a step further: "I did set a pick, but he rolled, and no one picked him up. So he drove to the hoop."Meanwhile, Rosslyn Retreat still needs a theme song. Andy suggests recruiting Jimi Ryser. Greg envisions a motion-activated musical greeting—"except guests would think they were walking into a raid."The duo then reminisces about a recording session with Flo & Eddie of The Turtles, where backing vocals weren’t the only thing getting smoked. Andy reveals the session ended with a stand full of roaches—prompting Greg to compare it to today’s potent morning commutes: "A Graphix Bong couldn’t even handle that!"And finally, Greg recounts another lake house sibling saga—this time involving a kayak, winter storage, and the potential for petty revenge. Will he cut it into pieces and leave it in the bathroom? Or will a wind-up kayak in the toilet suffice?To wrap it all up, they dive into a series of faking death fails—from a botched Indy plane crash to a televangelist’s tragic aviation misadventure. Because if you’re going to fake your death, maybe don’t do it in a way that could actually kill you.Join Greg and Andy for another round of suburban absurdity, where traffic justice, family drama, and bizarre life choices all collide!www.suburbspodcast.com

Are you a Disney family?  NO, was Greg’s answer. Disney apologists say, it’s not an amusement park. You’re right!  It’s not amusing. The sidewalks are narrow, food is bad. The rides suck. Greg’s favorite part? Leaving. How did the kids feel?  Grace liked the Mini ears.  You can buy those online after going to an Amusement park.Did you know Ruth’s Chris has a dress code?If you were thinking about wearing “pool attire” think again as Andy found out when they arrived for dinner one night. He had to take to water wings back to the car. What happens when an escape artist is frozen in a block of ice? They get him out by carving him into a bowl of fruit. So many questions about the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame!  First and foremost, How did the Bangles get in before Jimmy Buffet and Foreigner? Shiny objects win over quality. Judged on the body of work?  Do you mean catalog or the other kind?Jimmy Buffet sang about the sun and the surf and ironically did of skin cancer. That’s when Greg showed Andy a wound on his forearm. There’s some skin cancer now. Greg, I showed the resident a pink place on my arm and he hit it with liquid nitrogen to the point I thought it was a test of pain tolerance.  I ended up with a giant blister. Keely said, you need to get that looked at. I said, that’s what happens when you get it looked at. Later, it popped when she brushed against it. She got blister juice on her. Say good night Gracie. I’ll take your freaky shit, but I draw the line at blister juice. So many questions. So many funny answers on Season 3 Episode 54 of Welcome to the Suburbs. www.suburbspodcast.com

In Season 2, Episode 53 of Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy kicks things off with a pressing question: “What’s your favorite part of shopping at Costco?” Greg’s response? “Leaving!” It’s crowded, people block aisles chatting like they’re at a dinner party, and he’s convinced Prosecco on tap and a string quartet are next.So, what did Greg actually buy? Milk, eggs, and… a natural gas generator. Andy chimes in with, “Some people eat lunch there. Hot dogs are a dollar! I’ll even grab snow tires while I’m at it.” Meanwhile, Keely and Grace turn grocery shopping into a mother-daughter date, savoring flavored coffee samples and bakery treats at Fresh Market—because apparently, it’s a trip to France without the plane ticket.When Keely asks Greg about his childhood breakfast, he reveals it was grapefruit with sugar on top. “The citrus was healthy,” he explains, “but the sugar made me shake so much my second-grade teacher thought I was afraid of her.” Andy jokes, “Arm me with a hammer and feed me Sugar Smacks, and I could take down a concrete driveway!” Greg adds, “You could fell a 300-year-old oak with a serrated knife.”Andy talks about sugary cereals being the only treat in his house growing up, likely because his parents didn’t know the sugar and chemicals were slowly killing them.Keely, on the other hand, is the type to pop into Walmart Neighborhood Grocery for a single ingredient. “They make it sound all folksy, but it’s just a brainwashing tactic,” Greg says. “No one knows how to use the self-checkout, and half the people would kill you over a can of beans.”Finally, Greg asks about Andy’s “fancy basement” (or as Andy corrects him, the “lower level”). Greg, ever the connoisseur, points out the connotation difference. Andy clarifies, “Aldi is the basement of groceries compared to Costco. The meat’s frozen, the brands are off, and you have to rent the shopping cart.”We’re diving deep into grocery store culture in this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs.www.suburbspodcast.com

Welcome to Season 2, Episode 52 of *Welcome to The Suburbs Podcast*! This week, we dive into Greg and Keely’s unforgettable cottage renovation adventure. What some saw as a teardown, Greg and Keely envisioned as a charming retreat with endless potential. Endless being the key word  The 86-year-old, 600-square-foot cottage sat on an acre of land with lake access. Its charm? Questionable. The roof leaked, the furnace was dead, and the water system had... let’s call it "personality." Harold, the previous owner, left behind decades of eccentricities: cobwebs thick enough to trap a bobcat, an elaborate system of fish tanks and bird cages, and a shed that critters turned into a luxury Airbnb.  The shed, full of duct-taped tools, leaking buckets, and solidified fertilizer, was a time capsule of Harold’s resourceful yet quirky approach to life. Outside, the overgrown flower beds were buried under layers of mulch, quilts, and car floor mats, while piles of tree parts and hidden concrete added to the chaos.  As the renovation uncovered layers of Harold’s life, Greg and Keely faced unexpected challenges and found humor in the absurd. It’s a story of determination, grit, and—most importantly—a reminder that every project tells a tale.  Don’t miss Andy’s hilarious commentary and wisdom in this unforgettable episode. Tune in to *Welcome to The Suburbs Podcast: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly—Greg’s Cottage Renovation*. www.suburbspodcast.com

Part 1: What happened at the concert, stays at the concert, unless it’s COVID. Then you take it home and share.  Greg was at the John Hiatt show, took a look at the age of the crowd filing in, then said, “based on the age of this crowd I bet everyone sits during the show.”  John Hiatt superfan shot him the stink eye as she parked her walker to take a toke of oxygen. One toke over the line sweet Jesus. Part 2:  Greg and Keely were sharing appetizers at restaurant in Chicago recently when Greg shot down a bad oyster. He googled, how long does it take to get sick from bad oysters? The answer: Up to 48 hours. Then spent the rest of the trip “on the clock” as he analyzed his stomach then looked at his watch hoping the other shoe didn’t drop, along with everything he had for dinner. Andy wasn’t so lucky. Either was Jennifer. He asked for water. She threw it at him. Part 3:  Naming plants. Witch Hazel, St John’s Wart, Toad Lilly. We’re all of the good names gone by the time they got to those?  The guys talked about Greg and Keely’s Airbnb. None of the neighbors were happy their new purchase would become a short-term rental. Their mind went to a home that attracted police action. Greg’s mind went to, sexy cop role play. Furry handcuffs anyone? What if you used those and then had an allergic reaction to the fur? One minute you’re under arrest, the next minute you’re under duress with hives and wheezing. Where’s the chic from the Hiatt concert? I need some oxygen!Part 4: the guys talk about Darwin at work. In the satellite communities around Indy, building codes for swimming pools have changed because too many people died from jumping off their roof into the pool but missed. Studies show that 70% of the time alcohol played a role in those deaths. Socker!www.suburbspodcast.com

It’s time for the 50th episode of Welcome to The Suburbs Podcast. 50th! Like birthdays and statehood, the 50th episode is a nice benchmark.  Andy asked me to recall some of our reoccurring characters. Ironically we’d just spent Thanksgiving at the lake where my sister reared her ugly head like a nose full of pimples on prom night. We also talked about Joe and Mary and the idea of developing a reality show titled, short legs, big attitudes.  I asked Andy if his 50th birthday was memorable. His response, yes. Jennifer took me to Manhattan, I caught to flu and our pool’s filtration system died. We returned home to lung cookies and a cement swamp. Part 2: flying out of Tampa on Southwest Airlines after business meetings the gate attended challenged Greg’s commitment to line etiquette. His response, this is something I’ve been doing since kindergarten, I believe I understand the concept, which led to a display of her obvious dissatisfaction with his mocking of her sacred protocol.Meanwhile, at the next gate, a man and woman dressed as friends of Alexander Hamilton became minor celebrities to other travelers. People wanted selfies, someone dressed as Ben Franklin was offering copies with his 1700’s printing press. Because it was old technology, the flight left before anyone had a copy. Did they have a musket? Andy asked. No, it didn’t clear the security check point. Either did the tomahawk. Part 3: psychics speak with sprit guides when meditating. Are spirit guides God’s way of delegating communications to mortals?  If so, are those guides bound by a code of ethics? Can they tell enlightened seers everything about the future?  Does it depend on the commitment of the seer?  Like a subscription rate. The more commitment, the richer the information. What about spirit animals. Do docile animals make better spirit animals than say, a rattle snake or a mountain lion?We’ve had a lot of laughs over the last 50 episodes. There is so much more we covered in this episode too!  Happy 50th Andy!  Listen in on our conversations and laughter by downloading episode 50 of Welcome to the Suburbs Podcast. Please share it with a friend or 2…too🙂www.suburbspodcast.com

Did you know, if you pay a little extra when you get a ticket, the state won’t report it to you insurance company? That feels a little like payola?  The only thing missing, you’re not paying cash to a guy wearing a pinkie ring at a clandestine location near the river. Jennifer had experimental joint surgery on her toe. The joint wasn’t something they fished out of a bowl of chicken knuckle soup. It was actually titanium.  Lesson learned, don’t have that type of surgery over a holiday weekend. Her trip to the ER for pain meds included stepping around puddles of bodily fluids from someone who tried giving advice to a kid who jumped the line at Meijer. Ok kidding. Just love the opportunity to call back jokes from previous episodes  Razor scooter rental is a part of life in many cities. Greg and Keely tried to rent them on a recent visit to St Pete  the only ones left were scooters with seats. They were available because no one wants to look that tragic  Keely, who’s more secure, couldn’t care less what people thought. Greg felt like he needed white driving gloves, a clutch purse, and rain bonnet. It’s Episode 49 of Welcome To The Suburbs Podcast and Papaw’s coming in hot!www.suburbspodcast.com

Part 1:Andy was lead engineer in the Crumbling Down recording sessions with John Mellencamp. He takes me back to those sessions for a peek behind the curtain to understand what it was like making that song with John. From John’s vision of the song to the rough cut. With a surprise appearance by John’s gum guy. Ray Combs built a comedy Club in downtown Cincinnati. The green room was upstairs overlooking the show room with a big picture window. Celebrities who knew Ray were invited to watch the show from the anonymity of the green room. It was there Greg met Pete Rose and together they watched John Fox defile Ray in front of a sold out audience. Part 2 Stories from the ER. An extremely obese woman who’d recently given birth, visits the ER with abdominal pain. She shared with the staff the technique she and her husband used for getting pregnant. That didn’t have anything to do with her pain. What the scans revealed is something I’ll never forget, but I had to share. Along with several other remarkable tales. Part 3 Cleanup in isle 7. What happens when you mix an elderly woman, a thug, Greg and a line of people in the self checkout line at Meijer? It’s either a trip to the ER, a life lesson or a life coaching opportunity on the virtues and pitfall of calling out a thug when he cuts an older woman in line. It’s our closer, but it’s not curtains for Greg. Episode 48 of Welcome To The Suburbs Podcast is filled with funny and insightful stories of life. www.suburbspodcast.com

Part 1: Horrible bosses, everyone has probable come across one. Greg and Andy met while working for one, Jeff.  His billowing voice would shout commands over the intercom followed by his extension 202!  His extension number became synonymous with an emergency similar to 911. If Greg heard, Andy Symons, 202, he knew Andy was going to the lions. High volume profanity, blood pressure checks, and receptionists who quit during lunch of the first day were daily treats. Andy was fired, Greg quit and so began the adventure of land in a new work environment with another horrible boss. “Working for narcissists is one of Greg’s spiritual gifts” - KeeyPart 2: The black Tie Affair. Being fitted for a tux recently reminded Greg of Senior Prom and the tragic look he sported, a white tux. Andy wore a powder blue tux fluffy bow tie and cummerbund. Life happens on the way to being fitted. A trail that led to massive road construction, and reliving that failed prom night. Part 3: Caught in a Small Town Fair. Have you ever taken a wrong turn and ended up in the muddled of nowhere?  One fall day while driving their daughter home from fall break from IU, Greg and Keely took a left hand turn that put them square in the midway of a small town fair. Pulling slowly forward put them in a congested midway of fair growers, elephant ears, taffy and the tilt-o-whirl. What happens next?  That part of the fun of listening to Season 2 Episode 47 of Welcome To the Suburbs Podcast. www.suburbspodcast.com

Andy drove to Nashville, Indiana to see April Wine in concert this fall. He noticed that police cars were abundantly sprinkled along the interstate in construction zones. They had to be prop cops. Surely there weren’t really policemen in those cars. The opening act was Sweet. You may remember their hit Love Is Like Oxygen. Ironically, oxygen tanks were worn as concert apparel by concert goers along with walkers and canes. What is the average age of concert goers when Flomax is the drug of choice?Greg talked about smuggling southern comfort in the hood of his parka while attending concerts in high school and college. Harder to pull that off for summer shows. They both snuck cameras in to concerts. Greg’s was confiscated when he pretended to be the paparazzi. Into concert jail it went along with 100’s of bags of pot and liquor. Something the venue staff enjoyed in abundance. Andy’s question: did you do this when seeing real Foreigner or fake Foreigner?  Greg’s response; Foreigner when Foreigner was Foreigner. Are we clear on that?www.suburbspodcast.com

Part 1.You know you’ve made the right career choice with the building is in fire and you’re so caught up in your work, you have no idea. What’s that knocking?  Siren’s?  Do you smell smoke?  Why is it so hot in here?  Part 2: After nine months of being the personal representative of his dad’s estate, the word beneficiary is cringe worthy. It’s like a game of Monopoly without the rules,  Boardwalk, Park Place and landing on Baltic Avenue requires a death certificate, payments to people in jail. Part 3. What do you do when the needy people in your life have all moved on?  You buy an Airbnb to attract more. Is buying one an investment in property or patience?Part 4. Greg’s awkward conversations with strangers. It’s all of this and more in S2 Episode 45 of Welcome To The Suburbs Podcast: Monopoly is a 4 letter Word. www.suburbspodcast.com

S2 Episode 44 of Welcome to The Suburbs Podcast. Teenage High Jinks & The Chucky Cheese BandPart 1: What happens when practicing abundance leads to a plethora or ants and bees. Part 2: Driving home from school, a bet, snowballs, left turns, wrong turns and time spent in a policeman’s office culminated in what Greg’s dad referred to as his, Highway to Hell. Part 3: when a bike trail through the woods leads to a police pursuit via helicopter over a misunderstanding and a bad idea. While Greg spent his teenage years figuring out who not to be, Andy was practicing the violin and polishing his halo. Are you starting to see a theme?It’s all here and more in Episode 44 of Welcome to the Suburbs podcast. www.suburbspodcast.com

S2 Episode 43: He Ate What Worm?Andy is just trying to buy McDonalds for the band when an old Biddy becomes the parking police’s version of a Karen. Do you want fries with that whine?Getting the driver stung by a bee while navigating traffic is:A). A video game challenge B). Pickle Ball for Bee KeepersC). Prank on JackassD). Andy’s photo shoot storyWhat do bathroom attendants, IMS Men’s rooms and sex clubs have in common. Andy’s explanation is hilariously a part of Episode 43 of Welcome To The Suburbs Podcast. www.suburbspodcast.com

S 2 Episode 42: Taste the Rainbow!Andy Googled welcome To The Suburbs and up comes a song, Welcome to the Suburbs by The Kottonmouth Kings. An underground group of Weed Rappers from L.A.  Greg, overlooked the obvious and asked, Cotton Mouth like the snake?  Ridicule ensued. Part 2:  What happened to George? I haven’t seen him lately. That was Greg’s question to his ski brother Steve.  Well, no one’s seen him because he was pulled over by the DNR for drunk boating And tried to get away by jumping off the boat and swimming for it. What exactly is “it” Andy asks  freedom? In section 2, the take of Not George and not driving. In the water, driving a motorized vehicle isn’t taken as seriously as on the road in a car. People are high on life and tequila. Weekenders tend to imbibe while driving. Greg talks about his neighbor who is the poster child for money can’t buy intellect when you have a 3 stooges mindset. In section 3. Catching up with Joe and Mary. The grumpy, dysfunctional dwarf marina owners of  Lake James. It’s season 2 Episode 42 of Welcome to The Suburbs: Taste The Rainbow!www.suburbspodcast.com

When Andy asked Greg about his job he never expecting to unleash a cast of character voices and descriptions that tumbled out of Pandora’s box. Dating someone new is a bit awkward  especially when their pet doesn’t like you. Andy talks about Jennifer’s Pekingese and it’s “gizmo head”. Like an owl with fangs waiting to nip at Andy’s every move. Have you seen the movie, Reefer Madness?  The way they depict Jazz Musicians who smoke marijuana is the way Greg describes what it’s like to drink espresso in the evening. Getting the new espresso to work in the morning, that’s a story for this podcast. What happens when you take your granddaughter to the zoo to see their polar bear only to find out it died?  Andy thinks they should dye the hair of a Kodiak…while it’s sleeping?Download episode 41 of Welcome To The Suburbs and join in the fun. www.suburbspodcast.com

Nearly being tased by the yellow shirts at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway or being pulled over by an irate member of the Coastguard. Which is worse?  Andy then tallies the number of law enforcement Greg has met while being pulled over. All branch except the Space Force. Greg decides it’s time to get his pilots license. Stay tuned. Andy reveals he still suffers from ptSd bright on by a dining class he was forced to take at Butler University as a part of broadcasting clearly I can’t sing. Greg wants to hear 2 lines from a popular show tune. Andy assumes the fetal position. Have you ever returned a rental car in less than stellar shape?  Keely hit a deer causing major damage and a week later totaled the rental by hitting a tree. Greg was awakened at 2:00 AM and thought she said the tree was growing in the road  what road has a tree growing in it?  The answer to that and other funny situations are packed in Episode 40 of Welcome to the Suburbs.  www.suburbspodcast.com

Episode 39 of Welcome To The Suburbs  asks the question, have you heard Pat Boone’s album that covers Led Zeppelin, Ozzy Osborn, Judas Priest and others?  Even better, have you seen the cover?Restoration Hardware bought a 41,000 Square foot mansion in suburban Indy It’s their store, showroom and restaurant  the property was owned by monks. Andy did work for those cats and the Islamic Center. How do you proof chant tapes or CDs for content. Andy’s question.Meditation becomes the question. Something Greg needs to practice. It could help prevent being tased by the yellow shirts at IMS when they’re disagreeable. Does New Mexico have zip codes like we have in the United States?  That was a question asked to Andy by the shipping manager one day. How would you answer him?  Andy’s answer was perfect. Season 2 Episode 39 of our comedy podcast is live.  Enjoy!www.suburbspodcast.com

Talking with strangers resurfaces as Andy talks about watching Greg go up to a random guy in the seats at Indy 500 practice and comes away with a dinner invite and a place on his Christmas card list. Greg became the surrogate son of Chuck and Melba. An older couple who bought his dad’s house and SLK. Like family sometimes acts, they needed coaching on personal boundaries. The guys marveled at Chuck’s soul patch handlebar mustache and his 2 block test drive of the SLK before offering to write a check for the asking price. Greg didn’t realize the sale of both house and car included a new role as their emotional support person. Greg was asked to accompany them to a standing room only trip to the BMV. Chuck drew number 101 as they announced 45. Now serving 45. What happens next?  Tune in to episode 38 of Welcome To The Suburbs to find out. www.suburbspodcast.com

We have a plan in our mind that is always fully executed without flaws, hurdles or road blocks. Then real-life steps I and teaches us how wisdom is gained. Something as simple as renting a trailer and appliance dolly from U-Haul turns into a cross street where culture, technology and rental businesses collide. After Greg’s dad died, he inherited the task of distributing furniture to friends, family and Habitat for Humanity. He found that liquidating a home is far different than selling furniture in a consignment shop. Complicate that with a sister that doesn’t know how to value time. If you remember back in Season 2 episode 30 of Welcome To The Suburbs his sister wanted him to drive an hour and a half to get plastic forks. Apply that mentality to liquidating their dad’s house. There are enough ridiculous observations to fill a rental trailer. Who’s renting the trailer? The guy whose phone screen is a spiderweb of broken glass. How is he servicing the client? With one eye closed so the cigarette smoke doesn’t stream into his eye. How did he do? You’ll have download episode 37 of Welcome to The Suburbs to find out. What happens when you’re a new hire at the largest studio in Indy and you’ve got a date on Friday night? You impress her with a studio tour while serving Hairy Buffalo to lubricate your opportunities for later that night. What happens when your date throws up the red cocktail on your new boss’s white couch? You’ll have download episode 37 of Welcome to The Suburbs to find out.www.suburbspodcast.com