S3Ep 57: Tears, Tractors & Bedazzled Wedding Dresses

Greg and Andy are back in the studio for Episode 57, and things are already off the rails.Greg and Keely are on Day 3 of a six-day grandparent experiment, babysitting their three-year-old granddaughter—and let’s just say it’s not going smoothly for Greg.Greg, in an effort to be the fun grandpa, has reduced his granddaughter to tears multiple times—all thanks to a toy cell phone and a deep commitment to realism. He’d pretend to answer the phone, then rattle off his Social Security number, PIN, and grandmother’s maiden name before looking at her and saying:“But she didn’t order a John Deere 700 series tractor with port and starboard attachments. Did you?”Cue: 10 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing.Keely laughed—until she didn’t.“Grandpa, you’re scaring her.”Lesson learned: Know your audience. Also, check your credit report after spending a night at Meemaw and Grandpa’s house.Kidneys, Weddings & Questionable Life ChoicesMeanwhile, their daughter Carly is off in Mexico, stying hair an event. Her husband, Matt, tagged along because, well, it’s Mexico. And he’s always wanted to wake up in a bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney.Andy then takes the conversation in an entirely different direction: Jennifer’s wedding dress shopping adventure.Somehow, it devolved into a My Little Pony-themed birthday party for grown women.Long story short, Prosecco-fueled giggles led to a wedding dress that Jennifer absolutely did NOT want.Was it bedazzled, and rainbow colored? Greg asked. Can alterations fix a bridal regret? Maybe. But step one: Put the champagne flute down before swiping the credit card.Britney Spears, Katy Perry & Andy’s Unwanted Pop Culture KnowledgeTurns out Andy just finished reading a book about Britney Spears. Greg, however, was subjected to an unrequested crash course in Britney’s life when Jennifer’s trashy tabloid magazine arrived in the mail.Andy, clearly proud of his newfound knowledge, keeps dropping facts like he personally wrote her Wikipedia page.“You should read her book,” Andy suggests, sincerely.“NO.” Greg’s response is instant.“How about Katy Perry?”“Still no.”If Greg ever reads a Britney Spears memoir, it’ll be because he’s a highly accomplished man with absolutely nothing left to do.Final take a way from this episode, if Greg’s granddaughter opens a line of credit in his name next week, at least he’ll know she definitely didn’t order a John Deere 700 series tractor with port and starboard attachments from a toy phone.www.suburbspodcast.com