PODCAST · comedy
Western Promises
by WesternPromises
Beaumont, Paris, and Kevin lead you through the troubled wasteland of funkopops, disney adults, marvel movies, and bad opinions to the refreshing oasis of good opinions, firm convictions, mushy buffet-style ideology, and genuine camaraderie. Also just kidding if youre upset at anything or whatever.
Episodes
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194 my ex-gf was questioned by the fbi about my browser history and all i got was this stupid tshirt (pt 1)
im browsing a thread on the playstation 4 board of gamefaqs where people are asking for dating advice. here's a post. I dated a female lawyer once. I could not win and argument with this b****, no matter how hard I tried. I would just GIVE UP!!!! and then that made her mad too. You do not want to...
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192 Ooda Loop
lets get this out of the way: the audio is probably not as good as it has been and I want everyone to fully understand that it is Kevin's fault. Apparently his webcam has some sort of curse or possibly a djin living inside of it and when plugged in, injects an endless torrent of chaos and blood...
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191 RIP King Cobra JFS
There is not much else to say. King Cobra JFS was the best of them. He did not deserve the end he got. He lived a hard life and went out way too soon. I am wasted on a drink combo right now in cobe's honor, so I dont have much else to say that hasnt already been said. Fuck sickos, hail satan.
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190 Mobyheads
Hey Facebook, I know probably out there enjoying your day, but right now we gotta talk about something for real right now. There's a serpent out there. You know what mean? It's came to me several times. You know what mean? Won't leave. You know what I mean? All I'm trying to tell you is you got...
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189 Our Flag Was Still There
Fans of the genre rejoice, for our flag was still there. So far, the experience has been a mixed bag but eager listeners will be champing at the bit right up until the doors unlock and crisp recycled air greets their glassy eyes and chapped lips. The routine is comfortable and expected…
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188 BBQ Jr
"I love music. It makes my hear sing."
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187 Phil from WatchMojo
And remember... its just a podcast that's a week late! Sorry for disappointing everyone, please don't hate us, we can't take the Discord messages and Instagram DMs of people calling us losers and saying how much we've ruined their lives. Look, here's the thing - we're 3 men bordering middle age…
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186 YN Sheldon
hey look it happens sometimes
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185 Madison Chair Garden
hey check out this here: patreon.com/westernpromises (want to know why Beaumont died and is in hell now? want to hear an exclusive interview with Satan the devil himself? yeah, click that lil link playboy. It is finally here, the office chair episode. we lost one host, but gained a beautiful...
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184 Enter the Matrix, Queen?
jive on this lil neo, up in my damn hands, i be havin two pills that are different like. one of them mugs will install a copy of Enter the Matrix onto your personal computer and configure all of the settings for optimal performance. Now this other pill, that will pink sock you. The choice is…
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183 Copyright Copywrong
despite requesting the exact opposite, we are being tread upon. the brightest fires are always stamped out the quickest. but not us. not western promises. join us, join the resistance by taking a [redacted] to [redacted] and [redacted] while he watches from the corner slowly jacking off. or join...
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171: Christmas Spooktacular 2024
come one come all to experience the schizophrenic fever dream Resident Evil 1 Christmas mod with the fellas and like 10 of our dearest friends from the discord server. strap in for a nearly 3 hour festive wild ride and experience yuletide treats the likes of which you've never seen such as:...
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170 can a computer spell ICUP?
look folks, love them or hate them, computers are here to stay. from helping cashiers tally up how much money you owe to a five star military general determining just how many civilians he can kill and still get away with it, these electronic assistants are becoming commonplace in every industry....
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168 [FRIENDSHIPCULTGANG]
on:time hosts:3 identity:stolen lets get (castrate) this (these) money (boys with beautiful voices)
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165 The Roads are Triangles
what you see is what you dont get. its a twist, a spin on a classic. an inversion,a clever deceit. youve been had, you have been bested by a crafty adversary. fear not, however, he has taken mercy on you. perhaps he has seen something in you worth cultivating. dont be so naive as to assume...
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164 Democracy Dies in Dankness
This is my fight song (hey) Take back my life song (hey) Prove I'm alright song (hey, ha) My power's turned on (hey) Starting right now, I'll be strong (hey) I'll play my fight song (hey) And I don't really care if nobody else believes (ha) 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me
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162 Dr Mario
yo whats up playboy? friday? hell yeah. the weekend. time to relax. hey why dont you do something crazy? how bout you pick up your phone and call your like 3rd or 4th favorite friend? just call him out of the blue and talk. just TALK. you never know with these kinds of things. on this episode we...
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158 Fistula
okay now im serious, subscribe to our patreon: patreon.com/westernpromises.com oh boy we are so back. teratomas, fistulas, kris angel uterus freak, current events, ahmeds big day, Mohamed's Theorem, metal gear solid V, standing on business. this week all three boys are in it to win it and we can...
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155 Monster Rancher
do not tap the glass, dont touch the poo, look dont touch. everything i just said? NEWSFLASH: its been said before. But do you really understand? Either way listen up, tune in, sit down, and do the work. you ever heard of tool assisted speedrunning? you know Frodo Baggins? you think you know…
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154 Big Beautiful Children
look, I know the podcast has been bad, okay? Paris is MIA, my mic broke, and Kevin is chinese. But we are fixing it. We are fixing everything. Paris's disney cruise is on its way back, i got a new mic and we are replacing Kevin with an indigenous queer AFAB Dominican undertale speedrunner. its...
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153 Who "Watches" the "Watchmen"
look, we missed a week. i could give you excuses, i could tell you everything that is in my heart, i could spill the beans but It just happened. it happens. jewishcostalelite joins me this week to talk about watches.
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1-800-PROMISES #1: fun in the solar powered sun
wow! an amazing job opportunity just lined up for one of the boys with some schizophrenic lunatic in florida running a scam solar business. will kevin pass the phone interview? will his r*tarded nephew make a mess during the orientation? does this guy have the capability of actually understanding...
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141 NO EDITING/PURE/WHOLE
no time, cant edit
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136 Getting Head to the second power
better late than clever patreon.com/westernpromises look here is the episode. no intro, joined by LITR. we talk two headed girl marriage, india pakistan relations, spermworld, israel palestine, red dead redemption 2 listen to lifting in the...
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unlocked wpp031 Edward Gay Thumbs
the impending eclipse fucked us up. got us all turned up and mixed around and goofed unlocking a bonus episode this week from our patreon at patreon.com/westernpromises
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131 this is for you, melinda
this week? oh youre talking about this week? well this week we kick it ooooold schooool style. just beaumont, just paris, just big big laughs. hell divers 2, balatro, transracialism, autism, botulism, populism? support the show for discord access and 3 to four bonus episodes a week. Youre gonna...
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*UNLOCKED* wpp 042 The Champagne of Opiates
Beaumont and Kevin are on their honeymoon and they didn't want to take their microphones
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129 The Call of the Noid
//BEGIN LIE// Limited time only, the next 20 people to subscribe to our patreon get a year free! //END LIE// Subscribe for bonus episodes every week patreon.com/westernpromises ummm i paused my little sister for sale for this? let me get this straight: eat, game, repeat? Hold on, youre telling me...
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128 Reel Time with Bill Gar
Subscribe to our patreon for a bonus episode each week plus access to all urinal and stall shots patreon.com/westernpromises In this episode we are joined by Guy to discuss the real history behind the hit movie 300, the super dark effed up world of palworld, we learn what an earthrocker is, how...
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124 Lunacidsuit Larry
pronouns? in MY autistic first person dungeon crawler game? next youre gonna tell me they took away sobe and that beloved superstar rapper viper kidnapped a methhead and locked her in a garage with a piss soaked mattress and used diapers lying around everywhere click here and kindly subscribe…
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The G-Spot 003 Warhammer 40K Rogue Boglim
On this episode the mad lads discuss Cobra’s all time disaster stream, rogue trader, and whether or not meth makes your dick not work
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118 Happy Thanksgiving Again
patreon.com/westernpromises support the show and get bonus episodes each week and groomer discord access happy thanksgiving everyone. fill up on turkey and cakes and figs and sweet breads. slide up to the table and dig into this gristle with me. really get in there. dig your canines in. let your...
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116 Keep On Tuggin w/ TLC Tugger Ron
wow what can we even say here. We are joined by the inventor of the TLC Tugger for this weeks Western Promises. We talk about the systematic mutilation of our nations men that is circumcision and also we get into toothbrush engineering. folks, you cannot miss this episode. I dont know how to tell...
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The G-Spot 001 Toyota Warthog
In this podcast Paris and G will teach you how to please a woman. We will talk about internet stuff that Paris missed while he was getting his gender studies degree at Bard. We will talk about small trucks. We will teach you how to tap into the noosphere to receive untold wisdom. All you have to...
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115 The Spear of Longinus
long ginus. im a positive that is how they say it in the show. someone please find me a clip of them saying it bonus episodes? patreon.com/westernpromises access to the best discord of all time? patreon.com/westernpromises
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111 There is an Earwig Under Alaska
dont you find it funny how this always happens? you will be minding your own business, drinking a soft kombucha on the beach listening to banana pancakes and thinking "wow how could anything be better" when suddenly you are overcome with an impending sense of doom and deep embarassment. you feel…
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108 Gone Phishing
mexican aliens, steve harvey as the joker, Las Vegas getting pwnd, splitting your dick in two to ear extra money, starfield, brother, what didnt we talk about on this episode. A no-show guest couldnt stop us. Also help me rein in Kevin, he is going a little to hard recently and im worried about...
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107 They Put The Whole Damn Game In Space
pronouns? in my space video game? whats next? a lizzo mcdonalds meal? c'mon. bro the west has fallen, just get in the car. we are going to crystal burger also man what if you wanted like more of this show? patreon.com/westernpromises
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106 Try That In a Long Beach
if hercules missed when he shot out the sun do you think the arrow would have ever stopped? If atlas didnt shrug, do you think he ever would? if i was good once, was i am good as i ever was? this week we mourn the loss of our valued employee cootie. he was a real pain the the ass and he kept...
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105 What if they dropped the oppenheimer bombs on college algebra instead?
can you imagine that? then we wouldnt have to go to 5th period. I hate that class. Why are we taking something called "college algebra" in frigging high school anyways? did someone miss a memo? hello!!! also Mrs. Lightfoot is so fat and flabby, how am i supposed to figure out who the hell this X...
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104 The Episode Where We Clip the 1 Minute We Talked About Baldur's Gate So Kevin Gets a PAX Media Badge
Here's the scoop: We are NOT neglecting the podcast. The problem? Beaumont was killed in whatever bullshit hurricane baby ass rain earthquake he's complaining about, Paris got lost in a Bass Pro Shop, and Kevin sold his computer for 900 VHS tapes of Corky Romano (unopened). Good riddance, if you...
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102 Donnie Darko
damn what if you wanted to listen to another hour of this? wow you think you could? fuck shit, wow woah. i really wonder if you could patreon.com/westernpromises bonus content regularly now, that is a western promise
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099 Sphere and Loving in Las Vegas
listen to lifting in the ruins and uncle teds cabin have you seen this goddamn thing? i love it. The sphere is more important than the drawing your daughter made in therapy that accurately depicts her trauma in a way that will allow her to move on and grow into a beautiful and fuctioning adult.…
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098 Dude, Where's My Paradise?
SUPPORT SHOW PLS: patreon.com/westernpromises I call him Don Raper actually because of how mean he is to women. he doesnt act towards them like i would. I would treat you so well. you would honestly get treated like a princess by me. You would never have to do dishes or clean sheets or things…
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097 Tom Clancy's Phantom of the Ghost Gun or some fucking shit
patreon.com/westernpromises In the heart-pounding military thriller "The Phantom of the Ghost Gun," a team of elite soldiers is thrust into a high-stakes black ops mission that will push them to their limits. As the River Oracle of Edo State grows dangerously close to unlocking the secret of...
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096 Dire Dire Docks
le sigh. a sad one today. it is both an honor and a great sadness that we were able to have the last correspondence with Titan, the doomed submarine that is lost or something. thank you to our special guest and please subscribe to our patreon to help support the billionaire's gooning stepson in...
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095 Cormac McCarthy Presents Diablo IV
RIP Cormac McCarthy you would have loved leveling up your barbarian
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Beaumont, Paris, and Kevin lead you through the troubled wasteland of funkopops, disney adults, marvel movies, and bad opinions to the refreshing oasis of good opinions, firm convictions, mushy buffet-style ideology, and genuine camaraderie. Also just kidding if youre upset at anything or whatever.
HOSTED BY
WesternPromises
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Western Promises have?
Western Promises currently has 134 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Western Promises about?
Beaumont, Paris, and Kevin lead you through the troubled wasteland of funkopops, disney adults, marvel movies, and bad opinions to the refreshing oasis of good opinions, firm convictions, mushy buffet-style ideology, and genuine camaraderie. Also just kidding if youre upset at anything or whatever.
How often does Western Promises release new episodes?
Western Promises publishes regularly with 134 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Western Promises?
You can listen to Western Promises on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Western Promises?
Western Promises is created and hosted by WesternPromises.
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