Whatever Happened to Pizza at McDonald's

After working as a personal butler to a deranged, elderly former actress, I inherit her fortune upon her untimely death and use it to procure a communist child heir/apprentice from a Christian adoption agency called Kommie Kids.

In a follow-up to last week's episode, I question my favorite prayer hotline about why they hung up on me for asking if God and Satan could "bury the hatchet" and allow Devil-worshippers into Heaven.

I would like to induct the pioneering pizza enthusiast Mr. Ozzy Osbourne into my celebrity hall of fame, but hesitate to do so on account of he worshipped Satan. Can I solve this problem by healing the relationship between God and His nemesis, the devil known as The Devil?

Our Canadian deputy journalist files a report on his country's "new" McPizza Bites, which are part of McDonald's Canada's crime-glorifying International Heist Menu.

After a long hiatus wherein I was evicted from my New York City apartment and hitchhiked across the United States to return to Los Angeles, I detail the details of my current living situation with a deranged former Hollywood actress in a dilapidated mansion.

My thoughts on the election of the latest pope are put on hold as I deal with a copyright dispute concerning the unauthorized use of my image in a YouTube "thirst trap" video.

I examine Cardinal Pizzaball's potential competition in the race to become the next pope. Plus, I discuss updates on the matter of last year's assassination of a lesser-liked Brian Thompson. And I detail the details of my involvement with a famous 1995 murder trial.

I wish a fond farewell to Pope Francis, a.k.a. The Pope, and ruminate on the notion that his passing away might have something to do with my placing U.S. President Donald Trump under citizens' arrest.

After careful consideration of various crimes committed by the United States presidential administration, and with my role as a citizen as well as an award-pending investigative journalist in mind, I make a special announcement / notice re: a citizen's arrest.

I solicit help from above in my quest to be accidentally added to a group chat discussing top secret McDonald's secrets.

I show support for McDonald's adult-oriented menu items (like pizza) by donning a costume to purchase the new Minecraft adult Happy Meal.

I attempt to trick McDonald's new artificial intelligence facial recognition technology by wearing a rubber fright mask of comedian/talent judge Howard Mandel's face.

In my pursuit to join the College of Cardinals so that I might cast a vote for a pizza-friendly pope, I chat online with a friendly priest from PriestChat.com.

With the current pope in ill health, I pursue the possibility of joining the College of Cardinals so that I might cast a vote for the next pope: Pope Pizzaballa I.

In an attempt to gain better access to government records regard McDonald's Pizza matters (whatever happened to it, etc.), I seek to join the Department of Government Efficiency.

Research on Reddit.com leads me to question whether McDonald's stopped serving pizza because too many people were eating the plastic tray on which is was served.

On the conclusion of an epic 3-part saga concerning the horrific Altoona-style pizza, I share the results of my accidental plastic consumption with the Kraft corporation and am rewarded handsomely for the effort.

On the advice of the Kraft corporation, I contact the reference desk at my local public library to determine whether I am in bodily danger from having consumed a Kraft Single with the plastic wrapper still on.

I detail the shocking horror of Altoona-style pizza and suffer my own intestinal mishap in the process.

I contact a professional psychic to answer some questions regarding what to expect in the new year vis-à-vis the potential return of certain fast food items, etc.

I lament the largely negative impact on my life of sharing a name with a health insurance CEO who was forced to pass away in an act of vigilante justice. Plus, I replay the results of my investigation into the story of the birth of Jesus "Christ" Christmas Ben-David.

I explore the many disturbing coincidences between my investigative journalism program (or IJP) and the assassination of a lesser-known and, frankly, lesser-beloved Brian Thompson.

In light of the assassination of another Brian Thompson very near my home, I go into hiding in one of New York City's most central parks and update my listeners via a live "proof of life" broadcast.

To celebrate American Thanksgiving, I plan to generously give away turkeys with cavities full of educational literature.

In an effort to broaden my outreach, I appear as a special guest on a popular conservative radio show to discuss my concerns about the deep state's conduct re: the McDonald's Pizza matter.

After a political realignment, I explore the possibility of accepting advertising dollars from a nootropics company. But a brain enhancement pill accident involving my dog has me concerned about a "Flowers for Algernon" type situation.

In part two of a special two-part event (and my record-breaking 350th episode), I am once again experiencing election anxiety, exactly as I did eight years ago, when I first became a devout Christian by calling a prayer hotline.

On part one of a special two-part event, I have named my new dog. But concern about his love of a devilish Halloween pet costume causes me to seek spiritual guidance.

I adopt a dog to aid me in my investigations. Plus, I look into a recent outbreak of E. Coli at McDonald's by mailing a laboratory a hamburger.

In preparation for my upcoming role as United States Pizza Czar, I assemble a uniform with the help of Brooks Brothers and the fine folks at Gorilla Glue.

While investigating the ongoing case of whether Kamala Harris really worked at McDonald's, I unfortunately break a cardinal rule of journalism by sending a source my nudes.

I give God Ben-David one more chance to answer my prayers by pleading with Him to remove violence from the hearts of humanity before I become a major political figure.

I investigate reports that Kamala Harris did not, in fact, work at McDonald's. In the process, I update my resume.

In light of recent McDonald's-related developments in presidential politics, I consider giving up my status as a journalist to become a government lackey.

While investigating reports that Vice President Kamala Harris may have worked at McDonald's, I seek valuable intelligence from another fast food chain owned and operated by nearly six guys.

While visiting the White House to lobby "lame duck" President Biden on passing executive action related to the McDonald's Pizza matter, I suffer an embarrassing accident for which I must extend a sincere mea culpa.

After a Hawaiian Breeze-scented oil explosion forces me to take several baths, my fingers become so pruny that my home security is put at risk.

After last week's electrocution incident, I update the Glade Plugins medical department on my recent doctor's visit and receive some startling disinformation vis-à-vis which of their products is safe to heat up on the stove.

My award-pending investigative series Sériàlle comes to an abrupt end, when I am threatened with legal action by a major local New York newspaper.

My investigation into mysterious McDonald's Pizza matters in Canada leads me to a floating McDonald's in Vancouver which once played host to a team of Dracula chasers.

I employ the expertise of film critic Jordan Hoffman to analyse the quality of "Gone in a Heartbeat", the television movie adaptation of the Whitehorse McDonald's kidnapping.

Notable Canadian Mr. Steven Page joins the program to enlighten listeners about the nature of those dark and troubled souls who choose to live in Whitehorse, home of the McDonald's Pizza Kidnapping.

Professional treasure hunter Christian B. Roper shares startling and disturbing information about a brutal k-wording (kidnapping) that may have been committed as retaliation for serving pizza at the Whitehorse McDonald's.

On episode 1 of Sériàlle, our new serialized series about Canadian McDonald's Pizza matters, a remote town in the territory of Yukon Territory begins to reveal its startling secrets.

At great risk to my own personal safety, I uncover exactly who manufactures the pizza ovens currently being used by Tim Horton's. And this information is sure to throw McDonald's into an uncontrollable rage.

In the first of a mult-part series on recent pizza developments in Canada, I investigate the addition of pizza to the Tim Horton's menu.

Special deputy journalist Karl (Up There in Canada) files a report from a Toronto-area McDonald's that happens to be in the 2024 total solar eclipse's path of totality.

On a special Easter edition of the program, my plan to spread the Good News about McDonald's Pizza via Easter egg hunt is thwarted by an agent of the cloth.

Upon learning that Chick-fil-A is now serving pizza, I seek to discover whether it is prepared in the same way as the restaurant's standard menu items (blessed by Jesus Ben-David, a.k.a. The Christ).

To make sure McDonald's Pizza does not fall victim to rising fast food costs, I test a plan to secure a cheap pizza crust supply chain by fishing them out of dumpsters.