WTF Bible Stories Podcast

Send us Fan MailIn this episode the bullshit plagues continue as God dives deeper into his magic bag. So deep that we are swarmed with unbelievable nonsense. Suspend logic, reason, and natural occurrences as God conjures up Operation "Never Too Much.” Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode God’s idiocy is revealed for all to see when he plagues the very people he wants to save. I guess if you can’t hurt the one you hate, hurt everyone. And he does it with janky magic tricks that have dire consequences. Shake your head with us as we uncover Operation “I Can Do Anything Better Than Egypt”. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode God exacts his dumb ass plan and finally sends Moses and Aaron to Pharaoh. And like all stupid plans, this one stinks. So much so that Israel becomes a foul odor to the Egyptian God. Join us as God introduces himself with Hi Israel It’s Me God. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we talk about Moses’ beginning. How God forgot his people for 400 years and tried to fix it by sending a man with a stutter to talk to Pharaoh. But before that, God wanted to give Moses a lil something to remember him by with the burning of  his bush. Take your penicillin and join us in God Gives Moses the Clap. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we continue the story of dumb ass Samson. It gets dumber as the fantastical lies get wilder with fox tails, donkey jaws, and a free hair cut that blinds you. Tie up your scrunchies and join us in Temu Hercules part 2.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we talk about trash ass Samson. Strongest man or entitled brat? Clever riddles or dumb questions?  God’s spirit or Holy dick?  You get to decide as we dive into the fake mythology of the Temu Hercules. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode love and fellatio are in the air with Ruth and Boaz. Ruthian ladies, do you want to know how to please your Boaz this Valentine's Day? Naomi got your back with her tutorial. So, sit back and relax your throat as we dive into The Art of Gak Gak (As Told by Mom Dukes) Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we debark in after flood shenanigans, with god’s old ass trying to remember not to kill us again, Noah’s dumb ass getting righteously drunk, and Ham’s horny ass getting a piece of daddy. Let the rainbow flag remind you that God Killed Everybody…Now What? Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we try to figure out how 40 days turned into 365 days of bullshit, how the female of each animal can be sacrificed and still populate the animal kingdom, how eight elderly people can make up the new world, and how God made a man righteous and evil at the same damn time. Scratch your head with us as we miscalculate the days of flood with math that ain't mathing.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we discuss the truth about how the flood happened. Ladies have pride and men recognize the power of the WAP.  The angels knew and left God's ass for human tail. So, grab your scuba gear as we dive into WAP that caused a Tsunami. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we talk about the secret garden problems. Yes, a piece of fruit that caused knowledge, uterus pain, dirt eating, and God to become scared of his creation. Join us as we question the intelligence of God with Eve stealing from the knowledge tree.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we continue walking down the “green mile’ with the proclaimed messiah. A messiah that was passed around like the unleavened bread on Passover; a messiah that needed a hand with his cross; a messiah that had a full conversation while simultaneously suffocating ....okay. Grab your tissues as we finally say so long, farewell, auf widersehen, goodnight toTha Kang. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we dive into the beginning of the end for Jesus. Jesus has to cash in on all the shit talking he did for three years. Now that his ass has to pay up, we explore how he begs daddy, not answer questions, and gets bitch slapped. Get your parade wave ready as we say goodbye to Tha Kang.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode it’s time to celebrate a very special bastard, Jesus. Yes it’s Christmas time and we have a wild story for you. Almost everyone has heard of Jesus' birth, but no one has heard it quite like this. Get ready for virgins, magical seeds, and a Holy Bastard. Also stick around for a new Christmas song.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode Jesus wants to get all warm and cuddly with his twelve mens. We discuss how he serviced them and gave instructions on how he wanted them to service him. Get your blankets and a partner because it’s cuffin season and Jesus has a special technique.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we talk about December's Man of the Year, Jesus, and his shenanigans. Jesus goes from stealing to not answering direct questions. Grab your cloaks, hop onto your nearest donkey-horse, and take this wild ride with Jesus Crazy Ass.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode God invites you to his special Thanksgiving meal. Don’t be surprised if the food choices are not digestible. Just come as you are, and eat before you come. Please lower all expectations this Thanksgiving Holiday because God is hosting and you can be sure bullshit will be on the menu.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we discuss several scriptures that involve the eating of your offspring. Is pork too salty or is beef not good for your digestion? Is chicken just not satisfying enough, well God has the perfect meat, your baby. Join us as we prep for Thanksgiving with appetizing baby stew. This meal also comes with music so stick around.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we go to school and discuss how pick-me-boy Paul swindled churches out of their hard-earned coin. We outline six steps that will start you off as a successful pimp. Class is in session with Church Pimpin' 101 w St Paul. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we talk about the gross mistreatment of Hagar in Abram’s and Sarai’s home. Hagar ,an Egyptian slave, was SA’d by her master. Given to him by her mistress. This tale is not one of God’s man being proven righteous, but of God’s man being a predator and an abuser. Trigger warning for this episode. Say her name as we read Hagar’s Cry.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode our guest continues with us as we read a second account of creation. And somehow it’s more trashy than the first one!! Come be as unimpressed as we are in Creation Magic (Second Verse so much Worse).  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we have a guest to share in the tomfoolery and shenaigains with the 1st creation story. Ever wonder how we got here? Well buckle up butter cup because the fairy God mother is on her way with the details. Join us in the hocus pocus with creation magic Bippety Boppety Boop.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we continue our journey down undead lane ending at Lazarus' unnecessary “resurrection”. We dive into how Jesus acted like a complete bitch and was for the tomfoolery and shenanigans. Be razzled and a lil dazzled with The Lazarus Okie-Doke. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we talk about Zombies… Yes, the undead walking around like they living or something. Are you first wave or do you think you will survive when God resurrect people for no reason?  Join us as we dive into three stories that will make you feel like you have walked into the Biblical Pet Sematary. Support the show

Send us Fan MailTrigger warning: This story outlines inappropriate behavior with a minor. We in no way condone grooming of a minor and/or sexual relations. We are back with David's unholy grooming by Jonathan. Ew and ew some more. We get into daddy problems with Saul and unacceptable love confessions between a grown man and a minor. Be very disgusted as we dive into Age Ain't Nothing but a Number. Soul Bonding Ain't Nothing but a Thang Part 2.  Support the show

Send us Fan MailTrigger warning: This story outlines inappropriate behavior with a minor. We in no way condone grooming of a minor and/or sexual relations. In this episode David is thrust into a relationship with Saul’s son, God uses Saul to try and kill David, and foreskins are a hot commodity for marriage. Get really uncomfortable with Age Ain't Nothing but a Number. Soul Bonding Ain't Nothing but a Thang. Part 1 Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we continue David’s story and are caught up in a web of quite a few fantastical tales. From playing around with apex predators to single handedly taking down a giant. Be confused as we dive into the lies with Lions, Giants, and Bears...Bitch Where? Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode we talk about the 2nd King of Israel, David.  Some may know him as a giant killer, others as a king that stayed true to God. We will tell you about a fallen king and a voyeur’s quest for young meat. Be very concerned about David’s Questionable Beginnings.  Support the show