You Had Me at Bigfoot
by Thomas Miller
Join Olympic non-competitors Tom and Jerry as they discuss the strangest conspiracies and paranormal subjects with extreme sarcasm, sexually offensive comedy, public figure cyberbullying and an overall ignorance of YouTube's terms of service.If you're looking for a podcast about aliens, cryptids, conspiracies and the paranormal, you found the only one recommended by 4 out of 5 crab fishermen. Subscribe and share us with your friends like genital warts.
Episodes
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You Had Me at Django 3: Django Off the Chain
On this episode, newly black Umbrella scientist who somehow facilitates the release of a deadly virus (we still don't know how, though), Tom, and his twin daughter of color, Jerry, establish an account on a human sex trafficking website to fund their efforts to stop human sex trafficking. Tom is...
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You Had Me at Bigfoot with Jack Osbourne Now Streaming Only on Discovery+
On this episode, champion activist of the #FreeJakeTimbers movement, Tom, and lead creep-catcher on the newest predator confrontation YouTube channel #YHMAGWTTCOFOC (in the Commonwealth), Jerry, begin pre-production of the Back to the Future prequel trilogy's final movie, Revenge of the Biff. Tom...
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You Had Me at Jar Jar Binks From the Prequel Trilogy (was he a sith lord?!?)
On this episode, murderer who never made it to the cover of a Wheaties box, Tom, and the first person to send a digital drawing of Garfield's penis over the internet, Jerry, are put on the panel to decide who dies when the Earth's population hits 500,000,001, and they recommend Billie Joe…
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You Had Me at Orangutan Talk Show
On this episode, national park pop-up tent abortion doctor, Tom, and iPhone-retrieving lesbian cop, Jerry, once again hit 700 subs only to drop back down to the high 600s after a joke about what you tell a raccoon with two black eyes. Tom uses his new high-powered telescope to discover an African...
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You Had Me at Missed Opportunities and Second Chances
On this episode, pog-playing angry girlfriend, mad_hatter182, and stinky rape bus-survivor, ballz_to_the_wall69, create the least watched predator catching channel by using only the worst and most hated strategies from more successful channels. Tom solicits sex with Robux and a $19 Fortnite card,...
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You Had Me at Smart TVs & Huntington's Disease
On this episode, two-tour in Iraq veteran assistant manager of Dunkin Donuts, Tom, and Lageanx0👍🏽 Build-A-Bear Workshop animal stuffer, Jerry, put on a show at the Canadian border before a slew of federal agents from both countries (to be released via FOIA request in transcript format at a…
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You Had Me at Racism in a Galaxy Far, Far Away
On this episode, wig-wearing slow cop who was only days from retiring, Tom, and the first player to ever score 10 points, 10 assists and 10 rebounds in a single game of wheelchair basketball (the cripple double), Jerry, cheer on their favorite high school basketball player, Jake Timbers, of the...
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You Had Me at Fighting God (the Dave Outlandish way)
On this episode, hundredaire philanthropist, Tom, and micro-yacht owner, Jerry, are joined by the only man who remembers both of the theme songs for Full House and Family Matters, Dave Outlandish. Tom converts all his yacht rocks to pop rocks at a rate of 1:0.1 (which is pretty good given the...
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You Had Me at Hazmat Zoom Realty
On this episode, psycho female blowin' up the phone line, Tom, and sexy, sexy pretty little thing, Jerry, bring their grandfathers back to life in order to explain birthing persons only to get their asses beat by the ghoulish patriarchs. Tom patents the first bi-level, see-through toilet funnel...
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You Had Me at Sex Money Murder Gang
On this episode, upper middle class in the Midwest but below the poverty line anywhere else, Tom Hoffman, and the scrotum skin graft plastic surgeon to the stars, Jerry Leibermann, hop onto the #metoo trend (five years too late) as they overexaggerate how deeply they were penetrated by...
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You Can't Say That on Bigfoot
On this episode, sporting a curved brim Yankee ballcap with the tag still on it, Thomas Marshall, and showing off his gold tooth in the mirror while he uses his cordless water flosser, Jerry Albert, are shut down by the government, Microsoft, YouTube, and the U.N. for talking about a certain...
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You Had Me at Oonga Boonga
On this episode, office manager of the Hoffman, Abrams & Chocula law firm, Tom, and child porn conversion data analyst, Jerry, cross the southern border dressed in bird costumes with $43B in horse semen and a license plate that reads PRTY GIRL. Tom ends up in the emergency room after getting his...
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You Had Me at Casual Genocide and General Intolerance
On this episode, host of the white people World Star equivalent, America's Funniest Home Videos, Tom, and producer of its sister program, Kids Say the Darndest Things, Jerry, get their booger-pickers on the Infinity Gauntlet and vow to reduce Earth's population from 8B to 1B without doing a...
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You Had Me at God Has Abandoned Us
On this episode, master sensei in the art of Orange-Tang-Drink, Tom, and leader of an online-predator-catching non-profit organization with an embarrassing name, Jerry, cash in on their witchcraft 401k accounts after giving up the lifestyle entirely. Tom dies in a tragic cancer accident, and…
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You Had Me at Left-Hand Path
On this episode, scummy 1970s dolphin porn producer, Tom, and crippled defender of the integrity of extreme water aerobics in the deep end, Jerry, sign up for a very real wizard organization through an application completed on their phone, a 50 euro fee paid through PayPal, and a Real World/Road...
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You Had Me in the Dark Forest
On this episode, LAPD cop who came out to the coast to have a few laughs, Tom, and the 30-year veteran NYPD police lieutenant with a bad f*&$ing headache, Jerry, quietly change the milestones for alien child development so their pursuit for humanity in the dark universe will be significantly...
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You Had Me at the Great Filter
On this episode, smelly hotel room corpse with infected post-mortem wounds, Tom, and the persistent room service attendant about to make a terrible discovery, Jerry, consider the possibility that our modern civilization is merely a glob of jizz flying through the glory holes of time and space.…
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You Had Me at Fermi Paradox
On this episode, sombrero-sized yarmulke-wearing Jewish Mexican, Tom, and yarmulke-sized sombrero-wearing Mexican Jew, Jerry, clap chalk board erasers together instead of doing the math required to answer the Drake Equation and resolve the Fermi Paradox. Tom sets boobs, butt, toes, belly, soul…
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You Had Me at Dyatlov Pass 2 - Return to Khamar Daban
On this episode, gaffer on the set of Bernie Sanders and the City of a Thousand Planets, Tom, and foley artist for Bernie Sanders and the Legend of the Ten Rings, Jerry, dust off their badges and head to the Siberian mountains in search of clues regarding the mysterious 1993 deaths of hikers on...
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You Had Me in the Betaverse
On this episode, terrible knife marksman, Tom, and flaming fat girl in a leathery pig costume, Jerry, dive into the Betaverse, Christmas tree dicks first, to vandalize the digital Planned Parenthood clinics lining the streets of augmented and virtual reality. Tom updates his Plenty of Fish…
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You Had Me at Big Paleo
On this episode, zombified vampire with a hankering for undead brains and/or blood, Tom, and vampiric zombie thirsty for reanimated blood and/or brains, Jerry, set out to prove, or maybe disprove, the existence of America's sweethearts: the dinosaurs. Tom doesn't just play someone divine on...
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You Had Me at the Great Beast 666
On this episode, Yellowstone Bully Project advocate, Tom, and the out-of-work chlorine tablet stocker at your local pool store, Jerry, conclude their Oh, Hell No miniseries with a 3-hour-long cursed show about magical homosexuals. Tom successfully breastfeeds his adopted lovechild without...
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You Had Me at Pope Lick
On this episode, universally hated abortion doctor who refuses to get the COVID-19 vaccination, Tom, and influenza vaccine developer with an average efficacy rate of 35%, Jerry, seek out the goat man to get the truth about who really killed young Savanna Bright. Tom sends a template email with no...
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You Had Me at Satanic Panic at the Disco
On this episode, tight-lipped custodian of the underground sex tunnels, Tom, and orgy host-for-hire (call for a free quote on your next car wash or airport orgy), Jerry, apologize directly to a disappointed and disgusted Satan for how out of hand things got in the human trafficking cult they...
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You Had Me at Satanic Cults
On this episode, charge nurse of the bad baby NICU, Tom, and elderly witch doctor who, after a lifetime of sacrificing humans, now campaigns against human sacrifice, Jerry, shove the animal bones over in their sensory deprivation grave holes and drop in for their cult initiation. Tom wonders if...
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You Had Me at Devil Music
On this episode, gay Satanist cowboy who finally feels recognized by the music industry, Tom, and blackface Shirley Temple fan club president, Jerry, fire up their Walkmans and sing along to their favorite devil-worshiping doo-wop and country-rap albums. Tom accidentally kidnaps a teenager from...
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You Had Me at Astroworld
On this episode, gold medal recipient in the 0k Honor Run, Violent Tom, and self-proclaimed wendingo expert who specializes in cryptid asshattery, Jerry 2 Dope, purchase one-way tickets to Dallas or Austin or Houston to attend a human sacrifice by their favorite SoundCloud rapper. Tom cuts the...
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You Had Me at Yemen's Well of Hell
On this episode, twice orphaned host of a paranormal podcast, Tom, and the College of Cardinals post-general congregations newly appointed co-host, Jerry (of YHMA-Skippy and YHMA-Vax, Jab & Fauci), celebrate the 100th episode of You Had Me at Bigfoot with the first ever game of "Yemen's Well of...
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You Had Me at Ghostlore
On this episode, executive producer of Venom 2 who demands gayer content, Tom, and big time stud who always makes out with a girl you don't know (because she goes to a different school), V, cannon ball into the spirit realm to discuss the ghosts from the game Phasmophobia. Tom takes a new soldier...
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You Had Me at Princess Diana
On this episode, LGBTPZ4QQQ and the Batman symbol ally, Tom (Black Summoning of Death/Sempiternal Tragedy of Winter Funeral), and friend to the LGBTPRSTLNE💩 community, V (Transformer/Decepticon), return to the beat as swingin' dicks hot on Prince Philip's, AKA the Dracula of Edinburgh's, trail....
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You Had Me at Clinton Body Count
On this episode, turbo white trash sunglasses aficionado, Tom, and vengeful dishwasher/landscaper for the totally not racist Miller gubernatorial administration, V, draft an award-winning choose your own suicide adventure note in which, after a couple of pages of reading, the reader faces two or...
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You Had Me at the Moon '69
On this episode, shallow grave-digging serial killer, Tom, and 9/11 Airlines pilot, V, tell you the ONE thing you can do to get your ass whipped by an aging astronaut. Tom is nominated to be the face used on the newly minted Gay Dollar, and V witnesses a marvelous, shining light cast upon his VR...
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You Had Me at Sandy Hook
On this episode, closed circuit camera companies hate them: grieving father about to speak on the news but just heard a really funny dead baby joke, Tom, and elderly actor who was either feeding his cats, leaving for the diner, looking out his window, or returning from a walk when tragedy struck,...
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You Had Me at Bigfoot RE-ERECTION!
On this episode, sexy reverse pedophile with a bowl cut and drop fade in the mid-90s, Tom, and murder-frack-drill oil hoarder on a quest to strip the earth of her natural resources, V, hose down all the sex robots and cut the ribbons on their newly constructed Gynoid Red Light Districts. Tom...
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You Had Me at Bigfoot 2024
On this episode, vax-curious candidate for president, Tom, and his vaxophobic campaign manager, V, promise to take flight in the newly renamed presidential air craft, the Danger Zone One, and break every rule in the Nuremberg Code during the first 100 days of the Millalobos Administration. Tom...
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You Had Me at Mothman
On this episode, clumsy Chernobyl reactor engineer, Tom, and mediocre bridge construction contractor who lost his dog through no fault of his own, V, wander the West Virginia countryside looking for impending apocalyptic events to foretell. Tom solves the national budget crisis merely by charging…
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You Had Me at Welcome Back, Bigfoot
On this episode, big-dicked, muscular and unshaven Sailor Moon, Tom, and the gold chain and fur coat-wearing Crystal Gem pimp Stephen Universe, V, reboot Cartoon Network's late 90's flagship animated series as the Powerbuff Boys in order to swing the pendulum back on the hardcore gay-ening...
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You Had Me at Moondog
On this episode, newly club-footed sheriff's deputy, Tom, and what is obviously the charred remains of a ruined pegasus stuffed animal, V, are joined by the manifestation of a disembodied whinny from the ghost riders in the sky, Moondog, for five terrifying and titillating tales of torture,...
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You Had Me at Prometheus
On this episode, Congressman Crenshaw's prosthetic ribbon fashion designer, Tom, and the handicapped, gun-slinging governor of post-alien invasion Texas, V, develop a plan to turn the tables on the alien menaces...menaci...menaseeses with the help of their faithful running crew in the livestream...
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You Had Me at Hollywood, D.C.
On this episode, squishy-faced Super Bowl halftime show performer/Sri Lankan sweatshop clothing line manager, Tom, and belly-stabbing former crack dealer/funny-looking jet ski rider, V, make circumstantial, but absolutely plausible, accusations about our nation's royalty in the film industry. Tom...
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You Had Me at Partial Birth Abduction
On this episode, gibbering, pot-bellied, buck-toothed pervert, Tom, and unique grotesquerie squeezed into a skintight rabbit suit, V, go on a schizophrenic rampage at the Planned Parenthood clinic when their abortion isn't delivered in 30 minutes or less. Tom is awarded taxpayer money for his…
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You Had Me at Vax, Jab & Fauci
On this episode, inventor of the rapid dissolve stamp adhesive, Tom, and Bill Gates' breast augmentation reconstructive surgeon, V, are joined by four-time disgraced dildo company CEO, Jerry (last heard on the forbidden You Had Me at Skippy episode), as they rain on the TikTok nurse parade and…
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You Had Me at Cosmos Magic Man
On this episode, Chinese farmer and bigfoot hair stylist, Tom, and grand hedonist who will do anything for love (but he won't do that), V, wake up in a bathtub full of ice with no kidneys after following a convincing conman who promised the ability to travel the universe using magic. Tom wanders...
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You Had Me on the Grassy Knoll
In the epic conclusion of the M Files Series, 6'4" Vice President with an axe to grind, Tom, and mob-associated musician who lost his best bud, V, brush the brains off the trunk and hop into their Lincoln Continental for a cruise through 1963 Dealey Plaza. Tom questions the integrity of coroners,...
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You Had Me at Pyramids
Continuing the M Files Series after several weeks of being sidetracked, Russian electromagnetism physicist of the KGB, Tom, and the rainbow coat-wearing vizier to the pharaoh, V, utilize the scientific method of asking whether or not the majesty of the pyramids strike wonder in their hearts while...
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You Had Me at Ethos, Logos, and Doctor Moreaus
On this episode, mark of the beast dodging doublethinker, Tom, and social humanoid robot developed by Hong Kong-based company Hanson Robotics, V, blow off the episode topic for another week so they can downplay the accomplishments of mankind and answer life's greatest ethical questions. Tom...
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You Had Me at SHUT DOWN
On this episode, simp-shaming racist, Tom, and midget rape apologist, V, get taken down by their FBI bro for failing to address him in the chat. Tom tells his own version of the Aristocrats joke, and V lays down the law on full body manscaping.
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You Had Me at Q-anons and A-holes
On this episode, green suit-wearing pun master and Batman villain, Tom, and mysterious, highly sought mountain top source of all wisdom, V, celebrate Quadriplegic History Month with a livestream Q&A session. Tom spit-roasts some fall-off-the-bone rotisserie skunk ape, and V drops a 100,000,000°…
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You Had Me at White Genocide
On this episode, quarter-cocked non-participant in the January 6th capitol insurrection, Tom, and San Bernardino county beatboxing championship runner-up, V, whip out their throbbing GDPenises in front of the U.N. to establish future Star Trek world dominance. Tom discovers the terrifying secret…
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You Had Me at Cancel Culture
On this episode, recently laid off Alderaanian shock trooper, Tom, and exiled 1990's Greek demigod, V, flip-flop and bicker over the deep philosophical messages hidden within Kevin Smith's cinematic masterpiece "Yoga Hoosiers." Tom, among other things, kisses a naked corpse in the woods, and V is...
About this show
Join Olympic non-competitors Tom and Jerry as they discuss the strangest conspiracies and paranormal subjects with extreme sarcasm, sexually offensive comedy, public figure cyberbullying and an overall ignorance of YouTube's terms of service.If you're looking for a podcast about aliens, cryptids, conspiracies and the paranormal, you found the only one recommended by 4 out of 5 crab fishermen. Subscribe and share us with your friends like genital warts.
Hosted by
Thomas Miller
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