PODCAST · comedy
You Look Nice Today
by You Look Nice Today
A Journal of Emotional Hygiene, staffed by lonelysandwich, scottsimpson, and hotdogsladies.
Episodes
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California King: "What is HØL?"
Our work was done. We'd said all we needed to say. We apparated from this world, much like monks who retreat to a mountaintop hovel. Only for us, we apparated via Greyhound and hoveled in an abandoned Bauxite mine outside Eufaula, Alabama. Everything was going great. We each had our own little...
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Episode 51: Vintage Vape
Whether you like baseball, chicken dinners, multilevel marketing, or The Price is Right, we offer several varietals of bespoke juices you can enjoy with your family for generations.
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Episode 50: Scat Academy (Part 1)
Welcome to the You Look Nice Today® Scat Immersion Program™. No dogs, babies, or squares allowed. In preparation for your first day on campus, please learn these key phrases, as they represent your final connection with your native tongue: SCAT: Gom zibby, glom zibby, bop zibby domp! ENGLISH:...
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Episode 49: Make a Given Wish
As part of a pilot program, The You Look Nice Today Foundation (a Delaware corporation) has recently undertaken a groundbreaking new outreach initiative to provide comfort to those in theoretical need. So, YES: we will sell, lend, or lease you a built-to-purpose condition along with its…
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Episode 48: Schrodinger's Conference Bag
Welcome to the global premiere of the International You Look Nice Today Conference & Expo™! Get ready for an epic showcase of big-idea ideations and tactical tactics to be held in the picturesque Los Altos Community Centre, December 2nd 2012! Join old colleagues and make new friends in an…
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Episode 47: Adam Ruins Everything
Listen. It’s actually very simple. When you buy in to the You Look Nice Today “Inverted Triangle Program™” you enter a world of theoretically unlimited income. Recruit two friends, ask them to recruit two friends, and—BOOM—you’re reviving even the most tired franchise. Mazel Tov!
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Episode 46: Poolside
ATTENTION! POOL RULES! Free swim Thursdays 4:00 - 4:15. Shower before entering pool. Also, shave before entering pool. This is a “Body Shame Free” zone. You must keep your eyes closed at all times. Chairs may only be saved with a passport, $50 bill, or a signed photo of Burt Reynolds. Towels...
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Episode 45: Morning Glory
TO: Paul Polman, CEO Unilever PLC London, United Kingdom Dear Mr. Polman, I hope you can help me. You are in charge of a massive, multinational food and detergent company. So I understand that you are a very busy man. My problem, while small compared to all of the things you must worry about…
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Episode 44: The Rules
Hello, my friend! Welcome to my humble automobile dealership! Ah, yes. Very nice. I see you eyeing our all new 2013 Toyota Scimitar with optional Sports Package and Premium Ground Effects. This favored daughter of luxury is blessed with power steering, calfskin cup holders, and eleven LCD…
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Episode 43: Gellies Local 416
Thieving Threesome Nabbed (California) Three men were detained and arrested at a local Target today, charged with the attempted theft of over $400 in merchandise. The men refused to identify themselves, giving only their local club affiliation: Gellies Local 416. “This wasn’t your normal...
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Episode 42: Druthers, CA
Welcome to Druthers, CA! Here are some tips for making the most of your visit with us: • Yes. Keep checking your mailbox. No, again. Faster. Now, pay it forward. • DO not touch the princess anywhere that her swimsuit would cover. • No sighing in the doughnut line. • Just stop tapping your…
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Episode 41: The Stenciled Approach
The Stenciled Approach | You Look Nice Today on Huffduffer Summer’s right around the corner, guys. So, let’s get in gear—yes, your gear! First, make sure you’ve got everything sorted, basketed, washed, dried, pressed, steamed, folded, blocked, shanty-towned, gathered, pinned, stapled, re-steamed,...
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Episode 40: Lobster Farm
We don’t know anyone who loves sushi more than we do. That’s because when we meet someone who loves sushi, we stop talking to them forever. Because we want to be the biggest sushi lovers we know. To honor that love, we worked with a team of chefs to create signature sushi rolls for each of us....
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Episode 39: Razzledazzle
Unpeeling the gunt, extending the brand, and rendering a sidekick polyhedron that really scales. It’s a start.
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Episode 38: That's Babies
“Baby City” Trad., to the tune of “Tabula Rasa” by Arvo Pärt Babies are special babies are tough babies have smooth skin NE-VER rough! Have you been to this place this magical land where everyone’s a baby (baby hearts, baby hands baby hearts, baby hands baby hearts, baby hands) Baby policeman!…
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Episode 37: The Magic Number
We went, with some friends, into the woods. A few days later we left the woods. Our memory of the time we spent in the woods is a bit fuzzy; fortunately, someone thought to make an audio recording of it. This episode is about friendship. (And some other stuff. Well, mostly other stuff.) We never...
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Episode 36: Bubbles
Bankruptcy Liquidation Auction Beginning @ 9:00 AM-85 Herston Rd. Long Beach, CA Feb 8, 2010 Registration 7:30-10:00 A.M. Auction With Reserve Will Be Conducted By: Leroy D. Plaavs, III, License #KCL6232 Notice: LIQUIDATION OF THEIR 15’ x 25’ EXECUTIVE STORAGE UNIT WILL BEGIN PROMPTLY AT 7:30 ALL...
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Episode 35: The Sake Period
Subject: #1228743 “Mann” Application Date: September 4, 1980 Subject has submitted a new application to the Coolness Review Board. Note that this is Subject’s 12th separate application to the Board in just the past 2 years. No signs of progress. Pictured, above, is Subject’s self-declared “Summer...
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Episode 34: In Congrefs
Hop in our decommissioned World War II tank that has been outfitted to look like the Liberty Bell. The You Look Nice Today Tour of Philadelphia Hotspots starts in 5 minutes! For just a few dollars we’ll take you on an all-day tour of The City with a Nickname. Some highlights: Discuss fonts n’...
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Episode 33: Breakin' In
While under the influence of y, we reveal that: Merlin once put x in an envelope. Scott hoped another guy’s x would draw attention away from his own -(x). Adam = 2x. If y = “tequila,” solve for x. Also: Belch alert. Home invasion defense strategies, Breakin’ In to find new friends, the tyranny of...
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Episode 32: The Good Part
You’re gonna love it—the guitar does this “Wheeee!” thing while the drums go all “Chukka chukka booda booda.” OK, here it comes. Shhhh! No wait, that’s not it. Almost there, just after this last chorus. Seriously, I think you’re going to love the song once you’ve heard this part. What’s that,...
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Episode 31: Lonely Polisher
Seattle LIVE!: April 23, 2009 We teamed up with our pals Jordan, Jesse, Go! and took the Monsters of Podcasting on the road. Our Pacific Northwest Megatour kicked off in Seattle on Thursday and finally ended in Portland, on Sunday. In between: laughs, tears, exhaustion, roadies, groupies,...
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Episode 30: Angry Captain
INT. DINGY POLICE CAPTAIN’S OFFICE IN THE 80’s - NIGHT The chair behind the captain’s desk is empty. Two men sit, smoking, in folding chairs facing the desk. CABINTIRE (Adam Lisagor) relaxes in one chair; FLEECE (Emmanuel Lewis) fidgets in the other. FLEECE Cabintire, I told you, man! Captain...
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Episode 29: Vachina
Making college affordable, restful, and culturally relevant; the cupping comforts of secondary scholarship; Adam becomes a costumed mascot and buys a new koch; how many greeting cards does it take to change (or not change) Los Altos?; Playing Marco Polo with immigrant labor; sweet corn, fresh…
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Episode 28: OPN♥WDE
Merlin: Boy Scout Scott: Boy Scout Adam: YMCA Indian Guide
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Episode 27: Christmas Is Near
Listen as we conduct our exclusive pro gift-giving super-session TED Talk master class webinar. Over $600 in essential GiftWisdom™ is yours for FREE. Topics include, but are not limited to: Virtual presents Secret Santa? Secret Sucker! 1978 Holiday photography essentials Lessons from Guantanamo…
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Episode 26: Nickelpuss
1930’s wandering troubadour Trinket Pills (? - 1939) scored a brief hit on the Wichita charts with his plaintive Ballad of Joey Nickelpuss: Th’ evil alley boys taunted him, But ole’ Young Joe made his way. Terrible crash of bowlin’ pins Th’ sound of a long long day. Rags to riches to rags it…
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Episode 25: Faire du camping
If “penultimate” meant “last,” this would be the penultimate episode of our VSOP series. Thanks again to John Hodgman, Jonathan Coulton, and the sturdy padlocks on the studio doors that prevented their escape. This episode will be more interesting than average for: farmers, Québécoises, basket...
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Episode 24: Faux Tog
YLNT VSOP, Part II! The drugs* have kicked in, and we have reached cruising altitude. Stay tuned for the final, gripping conclusion to the VSOP series next week. Or so. A partial list of works referenced in this episode, and their creators: “Colonel Heimlich Grows a Beard” (Graham Greene) Mall,...
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Episode 23: Selfish Express
It’s YLNT VSOP, Part I! We convened a special session in San Francisco, featuring guests John Hodgman and Jonathan Coulton. Aided by Hodgman’s expertise and Coulton’s hatred of poetry, we finally got to the bottom of our most lingering questions: Why is Kevin Bacon famously uncomfortable around…
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Episode 22: Who Voted?
Thousands* of you wrote to us asking for Election Day guidance. Sadly, we don’t have time to evaluate every candidate in every race. Instead, we commissioned the handy YLNT Voter’s Guide you’ll find below. We recommend you print it onto waterproof paper, fold it into a tiny square, and hide it in...
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Episode 21: Mr. Owl
FIRST: Nose harmony, quarters, who’s Capote now?, “He plays you better than you play you,” layers of latex, latchkey ontologies, start shooting your stock scenes now, one water ski or two? AND THEN: Out-browed, back when it was called Mr. Owl, shared entendres, the recurring mint, each table...
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Episode 20: Transitions
You’ve just hopped on the #17 Express and must quickly decide where to sit. In the back of the bus, four teenagers have staked their claim to a dozen seats. An old woman sits next to an open, delicately balanced bag of cat food. Up front, fumes rise from a guy who’s picking his teeth with what...
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Episode 19: Man School
Now* accepting applications for the Class of 2016! Sample from our wide range of available courses, including Sociology 102: Shaving, Chemistry 206: Principles of Muskmaking, and Techniques in Silent Disdain. Independent study credit (read: drinking alone) is also available. Listen to the episode...
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Episode 18: Tang Tangs
The parenting of negligence, things you didn’t know about gas stations, ancient aphorisms, tethered to a key, you go in and stay there until you have wisdom, They’ve Got It!, blue sky pie in the sky, Adam tries a little culture jam, Sunday morning habits, hot spring best practices, paddle balls,...
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Episode 17: Where Is the Ham?
Sandwich smiles into the mouthpiece, teenage telemarketing salad days, LonelyWear’s autumn line, the secret of our success (at Macy’s), ham symphony, Karl gets fired from the Geek Squad, acquaintance on final approach, face school. Important questions raised by this episode: There were no…
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Episode 16: The Tux Age
We’re back from summer break full of something and something. Expect weekly episodes until it’s time for fall break. Or early September break. Break! Pilaf games, the myth of women and computers, retroplagiarism can happened to you, young butlers in high demand, 20s sex ed film, prespooling and…
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Episode 15: Rampant on a Field
Down and out in Улаанбаатар (sorry, Mongolia!), remembrance of fights past, rampant on a field of Wheat Chex, stickin’ with the quadrupeds, Adam’s almost assaulted, don’t flog Detroit’s dead horse, the MySpace Generation has nothing to lose, guac attack. Photo: John Carter, Slow Train (Detail)
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Episode 14: Aunt Nancy
Sit back, relax, mix yourself an Aunt Nancy but don’t cross the swords. We’re coloncasting over at bandaid1995.com. ¿Esto debería estar en el recipiente de correo? Body (Not) Movin’.
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Episode 13: Expressed as a Vest
Unhealthy ligatures, a course of Prednisone, “I’m not following you!”, obscure chess moves, smoking for the cure, misused orifices, we pass as nosies, Karl Van Hœt.
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Episode 12: Live!: Baby on a Dog
Recorded live at the Dark Room Theater in San Francisco. Don’t miss lots of great photos from the event. Desperate for funds, we explore opening a restaurant. Along the way, Sandwich cries in the bathroom, Merlin sings a song, and Scott gets some information wrong. But, in the end, we think we’ve...
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Episode 11: Guaranteed Morrie
Parental interference and other awkwardtunities, pie vs invisibilty, how Adam will die, Tuesdays with Tom Waits, Wisdom Experience guaranteed, another factory closes (bagpipe soundtrack).
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Episode 10: Early Bird
How do your socks feel about it?, a new kind of retail experience, Sandwich knows his Douglas Firs, Farewell to Tight (actually The Sun Also Tights), white shoes, Los Altos Rancho Vista Wi’z, dippin’ dots, our favorite indie bands.
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Episode 9: Truck Spank
So sorry!, the oxygen lobby, doin’ the Skokie, Wallet-on-Chain is not a town in England, Sean Connery is Japanese, What’s your latte name?, pre-disposable feminine hygiene, @EffingBoring gets the carnation.
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Episode 8: Sacks-Minnelli Disease
Doing the fishstick, Sacks-Minnelli Disease, on the logical possibility of a cool fannypack, who’s your frelative?, “A Touch of Asperger’s”, social pressure at work (show your support for Dennis), what’s your standing O face?.
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Episode 7: Nary a Dude
Sheriff’s got a posse, Clarence the barber (and his balls), the benenemafits of a Fleet-based regimen, the grapefruit and bacon diet, Neti pots and other 100% legitimate remedies.
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Episode 6: Jobbo
Jamón y jabón, computerized career counseling, [email protected], Sandwich does the Boogie Oogie, skating to college, Checkin’ Out!, Angus Young-brand smelling salts.
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Episode 5: Schadenfunny
On Being Boring, crazy meat, Merlin knows how to build a team, Lonely Spacecamp, Clooney trumps Hill but both beat you, Encounters with Celebrity, nickel bags of chocolate, a fowl deposition, the Tony Danza Story.
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Episode 4: Peak Hair
"Oh my God: you GUYS!"; Scott sports vomit; Merlin raises a Predator; Scott has a hair theory about ladies who sing; Merlin calls for a National Day of Goatee Reconsideration; Adam moves into the nascent pubic wig vertical; The Boys crave new custom uniforms; Rocket Scientists come up with stuff;...
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Episode 3: Snare!
Sign up for SNARE!, Ol’ Grandpa Mann’s Phlegmatic/Bucolic Humour Balancing Apparatus, the magical beards of junior high, receiving pleasure for money, The Nerdiest Photographs in the World.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does You Look Nice Today have?
You Look Nice Today currently has 52 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is You Look Nice Today about?
A Journal of Emotional Hygiene, staffed by lonelysandwich, scottsimpson, and hotdogsladies.
How often does You Look Nice Today release new episodes?
You Look Nice Today has 52 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
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Who hosts You Look Nice Today?
You Look Nice Today is created and hosted by You Look Nice Today.
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