Off Air with Jane & Fi cover art

All Episodes

Off Air with Jane & Fi — 795 episodes

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Title
1

A tuna oil pact?

2

Taking a lively interest in myself (with Sabine Durrant)

3

1940s jiggery-pokery from a public kiosk (with Samira Ahmed)

4

Carrying Old MacDonald over the finish line

5

OFF AIR... EXTRA

6

Little Bo-Fi (with Robert Partridge/Peter Grainger)

7

I may as well be circumnavigating Uranus! (with Anthony Scaramucci)

8

Get bare-chested and have a cage fight like the rest of us!

9

His bottom is quite a well known footballing entity...

10

Ghost Mountain: part one - Beware, crocodiles

11

OFF AIR... EXTRA

12

We don't date well (with Elizabeth Strout)

13

Salvaging a marriage via the gut microbiome (with Leila Farzad)

14

More than a handful is a waste (with Minette Batters)

15

OFF AIR... EXTRA (with Planet Hope)

16

I don't know what drugs you're on today... (with Maggie O'Farrell)

17

He's not our big daddy (with Joanna Cannon)

18

Eat your prawns in moderation (with John Barnes)

19

It's hard for my emotions to be contacted by my brain...

20

Eyes meeting across a dark room, at Finding Nemo

21

Ripping my shirt off in M&S just for a thrill (Andrew Lownie)

22

Tiny woman, tiny gnome statue (with Gisèle Pelicot)

23

OFF AIR... EXTRA

24

Bank holiday means sun-drenched Tummy Time

25

Menopausal rage against the smart speaker machine

26

Phwoar, Peter the Great? I should say so! (with Philippa Perry)

27

Not the return of the winter vagina

28

Moving seamlessly on to hip replacements (with Michael Ball)

29

The Michael Ball boobage antenna (with Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer)

30

Noah Wyle for prime minister?

31

A bit of civil war hanky-panky when we get home

32

The more we talk the less we know (with Peter Hanington)

33

Avert your eyes, it's Tummy Time (with Abigail Disney)

34

He didn't realise he was talking to a gobsh*te! (with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall)

35

OFF AIR... EXTRA

36

My best years are ahead of me, with Ken (with Liz Earle)

37

Hopefully that John Lewis multipack will see me out...

38

There was no Clearblue back in the caves (with Julian Clary)

39

Saucy dirigibles is the spin-off I didn't see coming...

40

OFF AIR... EXTRA

41

Absolutely rocking some sock suspenders (with Jeremy Vine)

42

Cotswolds Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

43

Modesty held together with a brooch and a prayer... (with Sarah Vaughan)

44

Nothing the youths enjoy more than a middle-aged woman caked in mud

45

OFF AIR... EXTRA

46

Asking quite a lot of a camisole strap

47

Do we know if the Bible references the Cavapoo? (with Joanna Scanlan)

48

Cruder than Malcolm the Phallic Cactus (with Tom Bradby)

49

Eyes peeled for Westfield Lunar

50

Book Club - A Town Like Alice

51

The nation's bits were put through a frightful ordeal! (with William Boyd)

52

Ill at ease at a Club 18-30 foam party (with Stig Abell)

53

Heartache? Have you tried tuna and Prosecco? (with Jon Batiste)

54

Keeping it real in the Brownies

55

OFF AIR... EXTRA

56

All the hallmarks of a Costco customer

57

Nancy's poo was 'ere (with Thangam Debbonaire)

58

It's ALL about Disco Dollies, Romford (with David Szalay)

59

Trapped inside a washing machine full of digestive biscuits and regret

60

OFF AIR... EXTRA

61

Let's hear it for the dormice (with Pam Ayres)

62

Asleep most of the time, or drunk.

63

A little bit backed up (with Dr. Sian Williams)

64

OFF AIR... EXTRA

65

A wooden seat for a golden hind

66

Did Jesus come back for THIS? (with Eric Schlosser)

67

A complete PR win for Ikea (with Katya Adler)

68

Unashamed fan of the apple-catcher pant

69

OFF AIR... EXTRA

70

Is ANYBODY in this country listening?! (with Georgie Wileman)

71

I find watermelons unwieldy beasts...

72

She-Wees and Duchy Urinals (with Nancy Birtwhistle)

73

It's not cheap to get a cat an enema!

74

OFF AIR... EXTRA

75

Formidable in the front, petite in the back (with Ian Russell)

76

Ken Follett jigsaw and matching underwear? (with Elly Griffiths)

77

Freud will have a lot to say about this... (with Harriet Tyce)

78

I never claimed to be consistent!

79

'A rampant cropped-hair feminist' (with Felicity Spector)

80

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of Anusol (with Dame Maggie Aderin)

81

Skipping revision for Crossroads and Corrie (with Stéphane Babonneau)

82

No one has the right to bore you!

83

OFF AIR... EXTRA

84

Stolen glances by the sensitive-gut kibble (with Jennie Godfrey)

85

Unstable but not unfriendly (with Zac Goldsmith)

86

Headbanging to The Three Humanities Degrees (with Lisa McGee)

87

Juliet Bravo and a tube of Canesten

88

OFF AIR... EXTRA

89

Opening jars in a quiet corner of Only Fans (with Michaela Strachan)

90

A life of letting them dangle

91

Fnarr fnarr at the silver screening... (with Emma B)

92

Really fruity stuff!

93

Propelling a barge with Arnold Schwarzenegger and some caramelised houmous (with Ellie Reeves MP)

94

Bamboozled by the three-hole teat

95

Falling down a Mark Carney thirst-trap rabbit hole

96

Massaging the old joints with a bit of Antony Beevor

97

Big Mamma Garv unleashed on the streets (with Carol Vorderman)

98

Missing the climax for fishcakes (with David Baddiel)

99

Picky, indecisive, and uninterested in a place in the sun (with Claudia Hammond)

100

On the cusp of exercise

101

The well trodden path from kilted yoga to Heated Rivalry

102

Hearing from the Manchego again in warrior pose (with Derek Jacobi and Richard Clifford)

103

Leaping straight into hockey sex (with Helen Garner)

104

Downward dog, upward rage

105

Feeling limitless just north of Hatfield

106

Snogging the Yale lock? (with Jake Humphrey)

107

Girlguiding and PVC jumpsuits (with Maggie O'Farrell)

108

Never as far as Reading without a bumper pack of Imodium

109

OFF AIR…EXTRA (with Ancestry)

110

BEST OF 2025: Interviews - Part Two

111

LIVE AT CHELTENHAM LITERATURE FESTIVAL (with Penny Lancaster)

112

BEST OF 2025: Interviews - Part One

113

Hot under the collar over some ribbed cranberry sauce (with Chris McCausland)

114

Exfoliating with a Follett face towel (with Andrew Billen)

115

A bustling lesbian bonobo community (with Susie Wolff)

116

OFF AIR…EXTRA (with Emma Bridgewater and Thomas Fudge's biscuits)

117

The potential to be problematic (with Paul Feig)

118

Relieving yourself in the Christmas lunch canteen queue (with Spencer Matthews)

119

Fi's secret sleeve tattoo... (with Sebastian Faulks)

120

Barely presentable and just about hanging together (with Susie Dent)

121

Slightly slutty open curtains?

122

Put down the nugget and listen! (with Chris Van Tulleken)

123

Book Club - Just Kids

124

Was marshmallow brought over on the Mayflower? (with Sally Wainwright)

125

You say it best when your calligraphy says 'F Off!'

126

The Most Excellent Order of Jane and Fi

127

Getting quite arsey in a Skoda Monte Carlo

128

Thinking bidet positive (with Tom Allen)

129

AI man flaps?

130

The joys of Tom Schafernaker's mankle

131

Only the finest silverware for my Monster Munch

132

Cruising down the M5 with a parrot and the X-Factor (with Petula Clark)

133

A hairbrush lies tantalising out of reach

134

Just one more decade out in the wild (with Louise Penny)

135

OFF AIR…EXTRA (with Scarlette Douglas and Smart Energy GB)

136

Can you hear the coyote repellent siren, Fernando? (with Lady Glenconner)

137

Mary, mother of a Fiat Panda

138

Down to a fiver for the apocalypse! (with David Olusoga)

139

Popping your hedonism in the bedside table

140

OFF AIR…EXTRA (with Lisa Snowdon and TENA)

141

Hoovering in pants and letting rip (with Richard Coles)

142

Joy, the corkscrew (with Jung Chang)

143

Don't even think about the Boxing Day trifle if you're not an EYNGP (with Paterson Joseph)

144

A vintage year for fish fingers

145

Hell hath no fury like a cardinal who's lost his Marvel (with Peter James)

146

Two tiny halves of a big-gobbed broadcasting hole

147

We're all as gently batty as each other (with Amy Wallace)

148

A surprisingly fruity bunch

149

OFF AIR... EXTRA

150

Your one way ticket to middle aged Glastonbury...

151

The sound of sumo flesh on flesh echoing through London (with Philippa Gregory)

152

Tinkle those ivories like there's no tomorrow (with Alice Roberts)

153

Drawing the line at penises

154

Sonnets from the (Water)loo line (with Ann Cleeves)

155

Sharing underwear is for blood relatives only (with Joanna Lumley)

156

Penning a Neolithic post-orgy thank you letter (with Elizabeth Day)

157

Firmly clasping a jodhpur-clad buttock...

158

OFF AIR... EXTRA

159

Very macho for a lady-house (with Ken Follett)

160

Let's not hear it for flannelette nightgowns (with Yanis Varoufakis)

161

One man’s breakdown is another man’s breakthrough (with Lyse Doucet)

162

I like mine when it goes boi-oi-oi-oing!

163

OFF AIR... EXTRA

164

The Twilight Years (with Tim Spector)

165

Mile-high moussaka

166

OFF AIR...EXTRA (with Cancer Research UK)

167

Moving on from your beef-cheese (with Nigella Lawson)

168

A pant of safety (with Tiggy Walker)

169

Thinking about the Roman Empire every three minutes (with Ian McEwan)

170

Exotic and Mundane (with Lady Hale)

171

On winking terms with the butcher (with Clare Balding)

172

The great cattery in the sky (with Rick Astley)

173

Chunky and perfectly formed, like me (with Miriam Margolyes)

174

Never confuse a gorge with a hole!

175

The Whirligig We Carry (with Henry Marsh)

176

Please God, don't act it out (with Nick Clegg)

177

Boosting bosoms from the comfort of your armchair

178

Ladies of the night...

179

Top of the Popes (with James Fox)

180

See You Next Thursday! (with Ray Mears)

181

Headfirst into a bowl of unnecessary royal pasta

182

OFF AIR... EXTRA

183

You'll remember my flatulence with fondness

184

I could drive you places, you could drive me mad!

185

On the cusp of a grain of truth...

186

Squirrels aren't known for their road sense!

187

Assuming the middle-aged woman’s pose, clutching a litre of milk and a bag of rocket (with Val McDermid)

188

Living for an airport frisk (with Nicola Sturgeon)

189

Fridge full of p*cky b*ts (with Celia Imrie)

190

I actually enjoyed that more than I thought I would...

191

OFF AIR... EXTRA

192

Book Club - Leonard and Hungry Paul

193

A partridge in a placenta pear tree (with Adrian Dunbar)

194

Releasing your southern-ness at Peterborough

195

Is there a sex kitten in your cul-de-sac?

196

I'm the Shirley Temple of radio! (with Daisy Goodwin)

197

Take me back to the path of righteousness PLEASE (with Gary Numan)

198

Nothing sexy about helping Santa (with Caspar Lee)

199

Mystic Garv is officially UNRELIABLE!

200

I want to be Lonnie when I grow up! (in paid partnership with Washington D.C, featuring Lonnie G. Bunch III)

201

Scrunch, fold or flatten? (with Janet Street-Porter)

202

Greatest Tits Radio (with Max Hastings)

203

Late-in-life moustache experimentation

204

Getting a smear test in a Toyota Yaris?

205

OFF AIR... EXTRA

206

A thunderous bra strap with three clasps and a padlock

207

A small boat with a flat bottom... (with Vassos Alexander)

208

Embracing the corned beef leg look (with Christina Lamb)

209

Off to North Berwick with my trusty travel glockenspiel

210

Watching Strictly via Wollongong (with Jack Mosley)

211

Slightly more advanced on the nipple-o-meter (with Molly Jong-Fast)

212

Spring chicken? Or sad potato?

213

I admire his menopausal spirit.

214

OFF AIR... EXTRA

215

We can only be where we are... and that's here (with Anthony Scaramucci)

216

Expressing milk at Mach 3...

217

Prickly love Down Under (with Rob Rinder)

218

Shoehorning Sir Rod into skinny jeans

219

OFF AIR... EXTRA

220

Just a walking gobsh*te (with Sarah Vine)

221

Bonnet work on OnlyFans? (with Jo Hamilton)

222

Birdwatching vaping recalcitrant crows (with Jacinda Ardern)

223

Absolute daffy regional boutique plonkers

224

OFF AIR... EXTRA

225

The curious problem of the inactive lady-stunt-rider (with Harry Redknapp)

226

A ledge of bosom (with Eluned Morgan)

227

A certain bad-ass insouciance (with Steph McGovern)

228

Pinging out the ladies!

229

OFF AIR... EXTRA

230

A bit of frisky fun! (with Sathnam Sanghera)

231

Tipping people over the edge since 2017 (with Jameela Jamil)

232

Single, female, unwilling to get you out of a third-world prison (with Chloe Dalton)

233

Flashing your headlights in a National Trust car park

234

LIVE AT THE RHS CHELSEA FLOWER SHOW (with Thomas Fudge's)

235

Level 9 woo woo (with Richard Dawkins)

236

The Off Air Military Unit (with Jesse Armstrong)

237

Waiting for the internal filth to settle (with Mary Trump)

238

OFF AIR... EXTRA

239

Carry On Off Air Wild Camping (with Laura Bates)

240

The lost King Charles Spaniel hairdo decade (with Adam Buxton)

241

Toilet roll, hand soap and self-deprecation (with Sir Ed Davey)

242

Nothing but a fit, lycra-wearing coypu...

243

All the best, Sex.

244

Ribbed baguette and whipped butter? (with Simon Reeve)

245

She may have been anti-granary (with Alison Phillips)

246

Spag bol and hot love

247

OFF AIR... EXTRA

248

Be sure to separate your whites from your cardinal colours!

249

It's the pomp of it all! (with Gillian Anderson)

250

Judgy or concerned?

251

OFF AIR... EXTRA

252

Welcome to the world, Ignatius and Derek (with Sara Davies)

253

Trouble in Winchester (with Alex Crawford)

254

Euston toilets, we have a problem

255

The laughter and steaminess was unending

256

There is nothing romantic about poo (with Jeremy Vine)

257

Been Rooney'd (with Nussaibah Younis)

258

Stop! I need to put my socks on! (with Geri Halliwell-Horner)

259

Pettiness is underrated

260

The more parochial the rumpus, the better (with James Nelson-Joyce)

261

A giant penis heading into space...

262

'Garvenomics' (with Melinda French Gates)

263

Fuming your way through your own funeral (with David Dimbleby)

264

How do you sex a cat?

265

Keep everyone close, buy a Swiss Army Knife (with Tim Marshall)

266

We haven't even got to the resurrection yet!

267

OFF AIR... EXTRA

268

Don't go changin'

269

I feel the same about marriage as I do black pudding... (with Prof. Alice Roberts)

270

The mistaken identity of the Wote Street Willy (with Jill Scott)

271

Vodka with a gherkin on a Sunday morning

272

Unprintable life-time ambitions

273

Reproducing and heavy lifting (with Stig Abell)

274

Harry Redknapp and Michael Ball making sweet, sweet music

275

Up and down the street with a loudhailer

276

Book Club - Eight Months on Ghazzah Street

277

Please avoid space if you've got a vagina! (with Sara Cox and Clare Hamilton)

278

Kinky in Kingham (with Ruth Wilson)

279

Kind Regards, Jane and Fi

280

With Love, Jane and Fi

281

OFF AIR... EXTRA

282

'Awful, really boring, feminist women' (with Emma Barnett)

283

Nothing like the pong of an economy scented candle (with Baroness Lane-Fox)

284

Taunton Vanilla

285

A bit of pampering and a digest shot (with Jodie Whittaker)

286

OFF AIR... EXTRA

287

Private download gone public (with Sue Campbell)

288

An unusually erudite edition...

289

She doesn't have a drawer of joy (with Jared Harris)

290

WHAT IS HAPPENING (with Esther Ghey)

291

A delicious puddle of unashamed oestrogen (with Tuppence Middleton)

292

Did Trump go to school? (with Anthony Scaramucci)

293

In case you come back as a pigeon...

294

You've triggered me darling (with Nancy Birtwhistle)

295

What I'd do if I were you love...

296

Don't tease your tales, tell them! (with James Graham)

297

Middle-aged muttering

298

The unforgiving barrel (with Sanjeev Bhaskar)

299

OFF AIR... EXTRA

300

Into the hide...

301

Narcissism of small differences

302

Anyone in need of knitted nose protection? (with Jojo Moyes)

303

Have you been? (with Baroness Grey-Thompson)

304

OFF AIR... EXTRA (with Anu Anand and Nabila)

305

Prazza and Buddug (with Jonathan Haidt)

306

Stay put or shove off! (with Elly Griffiths)

307

Welcome to the middle-aged women's world!

308

Happy and (probably) lovely people (with Kate Mosse)

309

Tax-dodging alpacas (with Nisha Katona)

310

Jane the Short Arse and Fi the Chunk of Calf

311

Can I interest you in a sample of my melon balls? (with Tom Parker-Bowles and Henry Jeffreys)

312

OFF AIR... EXTRA (with Baroness Scotland)

313

Uplifted by sexy dragons (with Bishop Rose Hudson-Wilkin)

314

This is our incessant internal dialogue (with Julia Black)

315

He was a great lover with ulcerated legs!

316

Livid in a formal way (with Mary Robinson)

317

A cock-up shared is a cock-up halved (with Heston Blumenthal)

318

Be sure to not confuse a par avion envelope with a condom (with Paula Radcliffe)

319

Armed with carrots and condoms (with Lindsay Nicholson)

320

Jane Garvey, decorated marathon runner (with Luke Jones)

321

OFF AIR... EXTRA (with Dame Sally Davies)

322

A long way from drugs and debauchery (with Susannah Constantine)

323

I do like the opportunity to complain (with Jennie Godfrey)

324

My middle name is Susan, not intrepid.

325

Private time with Rod (with Lucy Worsley)

326

Popping upstairs to iron the napkins!!!

327

It's all about the baby Jesus! (with Julia Samuel)

328

I'm a vintage blue tit!

329

Am I in danger of sounding a trifle pompous? (with Ben Macintyre)

330

Gardeners that Jane gets her twinkle out for (with Alan Titchmarsh)

331

Returning to smoking and tap dancing (with Sir Bill Browder)

332

Fairy porn for the middle-aged lady

333

I would've dated a lamppost, happily (with Rob Brydon)

334

We show our grati-Judi (with Juliet Stevenson)

335

Let's Be Avenue! (with Mackenzie Crook)

336

The Jane Garvey cul-de-sac (with Michael Ball)

337

Looking at love from both sides and tripping up the escalator

338

Merry in front of the offspring (with Jonathan Coe)

339

Put off by a man in Y-front and socks (with National Art Pass)

340

Has anyone checked in with Charli XCX? (with Robert Hardman)

341

Putting the funk in dysfunctional!

342

Rod Stewart or shortbread? (with Gina Miller)

343

Emerging sprouts (with General David Patraeus)

344

Book Club - The Trouble with Goats and Sheep

345

Can you be passionate in Brentford Nylons?

346

I'm suddenly thinking of an Umpapa Band (with Joan Armatrading)

347

We'll have them a vulval pink, darling! (with Lady Glenconner)

348

A very low squat and a very fast get up (with Prof. Suzannah Lipscomb)

349

Pissed and looking forward to a jacket

350

Sounds more gynaecological than intended (with Jo Malone)

351

A cheery potato bottom for the weekend! (with Larry Lamb)

352

Knick-knacks for dickheads (with Adrian Dunbar)

353

A not-much-to-be-ashamed-of appendage (with Jeff Stelling)

354

Mystic Garv's retirement party

355

Incredibly strategic vaping by a cardinal (with Fern Britton)

356

Fetid Groins, the heavy rock band (with Errol Musk)

357

Bring back goolies! (with Si King)

358

Quiet now, I'm going to speak.

359

Pottering across the landing, livid (with Vanessa Feltz)

360

Happy carrot, legs akimbo (with Gyles Brandreth)

361

Oxygen is thin up here on our moral high ground (with Yulia Navalnaya)

362

Has anyone heard from the Virgin Mary?

363

No need to give your goolies a shake (with Julian Clary)

364

Aiming to be fat and happy (with Bill Bailey)

365

LIVE AT CHELTENHAM LITERATURE FESTIVAL (with Brenda Blethyn and Ann Cleeves)

366

Tales from window cleaners to the stars (with Tim Spector)

367

I don't mind a tubby gent in a decent slack (with Nigel Slater)

368

Hot Crotch Snippers (with Fred Trump)

369

Oaky Chardonnay, Marlboro lights and regret (with Dr. Maggie Aderin-Pocock)

370

No severe wind has ever gone through Royal Tunbridge Wells!

371

Destined to talk sh*t for a living (with Oliver Jeffers)

372

The Undercover Janes (with Lindsey Hilsum)

373

Tales of a claustrophic submariner

374

Sriracha would've blown my nan's head off (with Kim Cattrall)

375

Sporting his massive pantaloons (with Louise Minchin)

376

Up comes the phallic mast (with Alison Moyet)

377

Envy knickers and a jealous bra (with Adam Peaty)

378

Icicles gave her a thrill (with Michael Palin)

379

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness... and Dora's sh*ts (with Liane Moriarty)

380

Only one of us is heavily medicated...

381

Eating like he's got free healthcare (with Ian Rankin)

382

It's rubbish, but it's varied rubbish (with James Comey)

383

Asking a lot of a Shetland pony (with Iain Dale)

384

Givin’ on a Prayer

385

You do sound a complete dilberry (with Clare Chambers)

386

Bring back Eve! (with David Olusoga)

387

"I've got to throw a bowl of spaghetti over Anne Robinson" (with Lynda La Plante)

388

Finding the crevices in the niches...

389

I find a primary school loo VERY comfortable (with David Hepworth)

390

Who dresses the pope?

391

Is she kneeling? No, that's me!

392

I'm calling 111, I feel like I'm from Bromley! (with Janette Manrara)

393

In case you find yourself in an emergency picnic situation (with Alison Lapper)

394

Is the hairy cornflake still with us? (with Craig Brown)

395

Feeling a little frisky in Tesco (with Robert Harris)

396

I don't think there is ever a time when a plop is romantic (with Susie Dent)

397

Thank you for your use of the word 'golly'

398

This interview is OVER!

399

Looking for my corduroy, wondering where my trilby has gone.

400

Never lose your impact (with Alice Loxton)

401

Beavers are rarely far from the headlines (with Sarah Rainsford)

402

I've been controversial yet again...

403

Shacked up at the Dublin Castle (with Mina Smallman)

404

Bits of me are trying to escape!

405

There's always nuance... (with Prof. Kate Williams)

406

Don't let her back! She's trouble! (with Zandra Rhodes)

407

Got anything else in your locker, William? (with Jon Holmes)

408

Book Club - Missing, Presumed

409

Common-adjacent (with Mick Herron)

410

Sent reeling by double-decker accusations (with Meera Sodha)

411

Stark naked, starting the 100m (with Prof. Brian Cox)

412

Investigating a gentlemen's rain-repellent hair putty

413

Great big fat cadences of hard rock! (with Denise Welch)

414

Happy but private times (with Mark Cavendish)

415

Powerful side-eye (with Elizabeth Day and Sara Collins)

416

Popped her prediction cherry (with Carol Kirkwood)

417

Men whisperers...(with Movember)

418

Have we got big nests? (with Rob Rinder)

419

Is there ANYTHING good about our lives? (with Mary Beard)

420

I've just got too many Allen keys (with Tiggy Walker)

421

It's not too late... actually it is!

422

You're so old you'll have to get married in a trouser suit! (with Nina Conti)

423

We are the weirdos (with Sir Trevor Phillips)

424

Quite a lot of Monty-Donery out there...

425

His fifth wife must be an optimistic soul...

426

A bit of a ninja turtle is he? (with Griffin Dunne)

427

And how many 'Confessions' films have you seen? (with David Baddiel)

428

Drunk in a French department store (with Geoff Norcott)

429

Warning: Just a tiny bit more politics... (with Matt Chorley and Sir Anthony Seldon)

430

LIVE AT CROSSED WIRES FESTIVAL: Part Two

431

LIVE AT CROSSED WIRES FESTIVAL: Part One (with Richard Coles)

432

60 is just a number and a Freedom Card (with Tom Bower)

433

Not in birthday month, please. (with Jill Halfpenny)

434

But Princess Anne never did sidesaddle! (with Ashley John-Baptiste)

435

Making noises getting off the sofa...

436

Your History: A new podcast from The Times

437

I think the orgy was in Welsh... (with Andi and Miquita Oliver)

438

Residents of Basingstoke! Consider Winchester!

439

Warning: May contain some politics (with Matt Chorley)

440

Stop The Cats (with Jon Ronson)

441

They always pick on Scousers! (with Harlan Coben)

442

Jane and Fi, your local MPs... (with Tom Kerridge)

443

Tragically alone in the sumptuous booth of love (with Colm Tóibín)

444

Cheese and onion can distract the best of us! (with Doon Mackichan)

445

Your resting face is a little off-putting...

446

Watching The Queen, clutching a 4-pack of toilet roll (with Frank Gardner)

447

The closest we'll ever get is each side of a pair of espadrilles!

448

Down she goes! Just leap over her!

449

Scrubbing your teeth with Fixodent Plus...

450

Beware of the size of your jacket potato! (with Jonathan Dimbleby)

451

Garvey and Glover's Tops and Bottoms TM

452

This is worse than being married

453

Stripped naked at the brow place (with Liz Hurley)

454

Some very saucy snails coming towards you... (with Tina Brown)

455

A long way from Katie Boyle

456

Meat on the loose!

457

Poetry I'd rather not (with Janey Godley)

458

Like a Chelsea Pensioner at a rave (with Martin Freeman and Tony Schumacher)

459

They do hang low at that age... (with Ryan Tubridy)

460

Book Club - A Dutiful Boy

461

May your chafing turn nasty! (with Niall Ferguson)

462

Boys who love each other in a military setting (with Aasmah Mir)

463

Let's share a thimble of sherry! (with Rachel Parris and Marcus Brigstocke)

464

The stark naked coffee club (with Martin Clunes)

465

And now: conception (with Vogue Williams)

466

There's no Brexit in space

467

Saint George was a bit of a tart (with Salman Rushdie)

468

A rather rude Midsomer Murders bingo card (with David Nicholls)

469

We do find ourselves in awkward positions... (with Marian Keyes)

470

Hello everybody, this IS my first rodeo (with John O'Farrell)

471

You shouldn't be hopping in your adult life!

472

Morris dancers give me the willies

473

I had a FEW scoops

474

I'm plucking at chest hairs here (with Adele Roberts)

475

Jane Garvey's Chunky Buts (with Anthony Horowitz)

476

Stapler to the stars (with Helen Lederer)

477

There are so many men at the top of mountains (with Ray Mears)

478

Deliveroo My Paperoo (with Arlene Phillips)

479

Weaponizing a jacket potato

480

Bottom medicine (with Sara Cox)

481

I'm just going to lower the tone enormously

482

Meeting the love of your life in SpudULike

483

100% bonk-buster (with Ade Adepitan)

484

Dancing in quite a narcissistic way

485

Retinue of Flunkies (with Gino D'Acampo)

486

It's time to think of Jane.

487

Leslie Phillips with knobs on (with Geoff Norcott)

488

Nostalgic smells of a phone box...

489

Several socks short of a drawer (with David Baddiel and Sayeeda Warsi)

490

In the factual sin bin (with Jay Blades)

491

I'll sleep on a slinky given half a chance (with Tom Allen)

492

Two women in the prime of their lives (with Linda Robson)

493

A brioche operating in a dirty mac with a funny hat

494

Strut, pose, maybe seduce

495

Be more like me, be more patronising (with Ruby Wax)

496

Sailing across a sea of ignorance

497

Book Club - An Elderly Lady Is Up to No Good

498

Honestly, it makes me tingle

499

Birthday Boxing Day!

500

Abundant paraphernalia on the bed (with Cathy Newman)

501

Identification of the chin hairs (with Davina McCall)

502

Alexa, get me a fella! (with Oti Mabuse)

503

A terrifying 183% (with Richard Hammond)

504

What happens if my skirt just falls off? (with John Torode)

505

Are you wearing your girdle? (with Tim Key)

506

He's got mice down his trousers

507

Have you ever seen a nun at reformer pilates? (with Rosie Jones)

508

I just said quite loaded things like 'I gave birth to you' (with Caroline Quentin)

509

Nobel Prize for Podcasting

510

Comfortable and cosy, or sexy and scintillating?

511

The smut-o-meter will be taking a battering

512

It was a dizzy old crowd...

513

I've left my emotional voicemail on (with Prue Leith)

514

Steady yourself against something firm (with Tracy-Ann Oberman)

515

I'm still firmly anti cruise (with Tim Marshall)

516

I really have lost my sense of direction if I'm on Grindr

517

The worst men in the world favour a golf caddy (with Candace Bushnell)

518

I was an exceptionally slow walker, due to my bulk (with Jill Scott)

519

P.S. leprechauns are real, obviously (with Dame Stephanie Shirley)

520

Gimme Gimme Gimme a technical man after midnight (with Sathnam Sanghera)

521

Researching Ozempic for cats (with Tamsin Greig)

522

Are you sitting comfortably and breathing through your feet? Then let's begin...

523

I just want beans on toast and a sleep (with Robert Hardman)

524

Fantastic equipment, massive nipples

525

The Ponder On That think tank (with Alan Cumming)

526

Winner of an apple and pear jockstrap

527

Trimmings are for life, not just for Christmas

528

WARNING: Danger of sarong

529

Was it an absolutely fantastic fish cake? (with Simon Mayo)

530

Britney Spears in the US presidential race

531

Go off on one of your crazies (with Sarah Alexander)

532

I can't imagine a worse place to make love

533

Lady Jane Ma'am-a-lot (with Jake Humphrey)

534

We're totally in 'Twixt-mas'

535

I'll probably be arguing with somebody...

536

In defence of artificial grass (LIVE at Afternoon Tea with Jane and Fi - Part 2)

537

I think I've got a resting b*tch face (LIVE at Afternoon Tea with Jane and Fi - Part 1)

538

You do continence, I'll do Eric Clapton (with Lucy Worsley)

539

Releasing wind and letting the women do the work (with Julia Samuel)

540

We're living in a flush and forget society

541

A wee of almost bovine quantities (with Miriam Margolyes)

542

I do give my chef the weekend off

543

Has she farted in front of you? (with Maria McErlane)

544

Trying to associate youths on the bus with whooshing romanticism

545

I don't want to see you when you're hangry (with Ade Edmonson)

546

A bit of 'O Come, All Ye Faithful' before a few drinks

547

Book Club - Boy Swallows Universe, Trent Dalton

548

It certainly sealed your bowels...

549

My urine is vertical (as decided by Fi)

550

Ms. This App Is Crap (with Deborah Meaden)

551

Awaiting the arrival of my pink ombré plastic tree

552

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living? (with Kate Atkinson)

553

Straight to the Tate with a breast pump

554

Are you alluding to my misspent youth?

555

I love nothing more than talking to myself (with Tim Rice)

556

I'm not a fully paid up anorak (with Anton Du Beke)

557

I'll keep her seat warm but I won't be licking it

558

Nostalgic for 'women's things' (with Laura Trevelyan and Clive Lewis)

559

Too much girth, not enough remuneration (with Philippa Gregory)

560

A quandary for the shorter lady

561

Here's a genuine bit of sincerity for you

562

Giant buttons and esophageal passages (with Lee Child)

563

Age appropriate jiggery (with Martin Kemp)

564

That itchy bum thing (with Caster Semenya)

565

Face bras and twin peaks (with Jilly Cooper)

566

But what if we can't share anecdotes from the same Olympic Games? (With Monty Don)

567

Members of the long bosom WI (with Dolly Alderton)

568

Another sturdy-booted middle age lady going about her business (with Matt Willis)

569

Don't hide your light under a bushel...

570

THIS IS A HALLOWEEN SPECIAL, LEST WE FORGET!

571

Deja Vu in Bromley (with Clare Balding)

572

That can be our safe word (with Ed Gamble)

573

Lessons from an older less-experienced woman (with The Hairy Bikers)

574

One's bosom just does change.

575

Head first into a tub of taramasalata!

576

Why would a Mexican bandit be wearing a corset? (with Shaun Keaveny)

577

Who knows what happens after a Cliff concert? (with Krishnan Guru-Murthy)

578

I've clung to the idea I may be of regal blood (with John Whaite)

579

Jane the Imperious (with Iain Dale)

580

I think there's a benign lazy streak in me (with Michael Ball)

581

Distracted by a couple of hippos having sex (with Matt Chorley)

582

Off Air Turns 1! (with Dom Joly and Peter Brathwaite at Cheltenham Literature Festival)

583

The hotel freebie tingle (with Shirley Ballas LIVE at Cheltenham Literature Festival)

584

Rescuing your knickers from next door's buddleia

585

But we've already humped? (with Kevin McCloud)

586

'I was listening to Ronan Keating at least once a day' (with Dame Esther Rantzen)

587

My pepper grinder is in need of a service (with Victoria Hislop)

588

We hate each other really (with Kate Humble)

589

Kefir on the verge (with Rose Tremain)

590

Boris' bag of bras (with Ken Follett)

591

Who called their child 'Sex Fruit'?! (with Jeffrey Archer)

592

Book Club - My Sister the Serial Killer, Oyinkan Braithwaite

593

Firm buttocks, that's what we want (with Michel Roux Jr)

594

Malibu Garvey? (with London Hughes)

595

Unsalvageable bean dishes (with Trinny Woodall)

596

Whatever this is... (with Rory Cellan-Jones)

597

The oohs and the yahs (with Robert Peston)

598

Something nearly as good as pancakes... sex! (with Clive Myrie)

599

Welcome to The Jane Garvey Tribute Chamber (with Anne Enright)

600

Thigh nipping fish?! (with Rory Stewart)

601

It's the-ATRE not THE-atre (with Anneka Rice and Stacey Solomon)

602

You can't beat The Greatest Showman (with Clare Balding and Jason Donovan)

603

Almost like ABBA... almost (With Clare Balding and Lemn Sissay)

604

Chaos trying to be reigned in (with Anneka Rice and Gyles Brandreth)

605

Does S&M include much chilli sauce? (with Sarah Beeny)

606

Will I be additionally bonkers tonight? (with Maggie Alphonsi)

607

Drinking neat Campari at midday

608

Am I allowed to speak now? (with Sheela Banerjee)

609

No bobble was strong enough to contain the Garvey locks!

610

That's another nut going down (with Deborah Meaden)

611

I long to squeeze one of those tomatoes (with Fats Timbo)

612

Fingers in the cream (with Sharron Davies)

613

Wimpy and the queen's funeral

614

You know me, I like a chunk (with Laura Whitmore)

615

See attached half giraffe

616

Spiritual blockages

617

Two fillings and a smear test

618

My long suffering pac-a-mac

619

It's been ages since I measured mine (with Anna Richardson)

620

Book Club - Fresh Water for Flowers

621

Capers in the basement

622

A couple of large fries stuck in your cleavage (with Carol Kirkwood)

623

Ladies' fluff (with Eddi Reader)

624

To lick or not to lick?

625

Live from Latitude Festival (with Richard Curtis and Emma Freud)

626

He had three nipples and a lisp (with Lisa Jewell)

627

Tapestry on the Northern line (with Katriona O'Sullivan)

628

Nothing against Harrogate

629

Penny-farthing watch (with Diana Bird)

630

Back-to-back Ball (with David Tennant)

631

Swifties unite! (with Katherine Faulkner)

632

A three day streak (with James May)

633

The pinnacle of their podcasting career (with Caitlin Moran)

634

Don’t do a Madonna (with Kate Mosse)

635

On the front line of bants (with Ruth Jones)

636

The fun bus of feminism (with Wes Streeting)

637

Pelvic floor exercises on the radio (with Rob Rinder)

638

Tech is my rage place (with Daisy Goodwin)

639

Profane and profound (with Wendy Mitchell)

640

The Pavlov's dog of Times Radio (with Louise Minchin)

641

Every picnic needs a tart (with Karin Slaughter)

642

Comparing your manhood to a chipolata (with Peter Andre)

643

Does nobody speak their mind in the South of England?

644

Why do we keep 'putting off' talking about the care system? [With Emily Kenway]

645

A urine-soaked bus-stop and a Londis (with Richard Coles)

646

She's got her iced buns out (with Sally Gunnell)

647

I'm actually quite cynical about everybody (with Bob Harris)

648

Can you hear the sounds of Elephant and Castle?

649

Not many people have actually walked into an oven… (with Judy Murray)

650

It is odd that he didn't have any genitalia (with Sathnam Sanghera)

651

The Archers is to you what Succession is to me (with Diana Evans)

652

I've got these huge knickers, do you want them? (with Gareth Thomas)

653

Am I potty-mouthed?

654

Never ending dance floors of heaven (with DJ Fat Tony)

655

I don't believe in jet-lag (with Sir David Omand)

656

A vigorous seesaw manoeuvre

657

The cheese calls to you (with Alvin Hall)

658

Maybe they were just drunk (with Gary Kemp)

659

What kind of tog is your summer dressing gown? (With Jo Nesbø)

660

Another day, another buttock (with Stephen Mangan)

661

A calming, cold flannel of a person

662

Head first into an absolutely delicious meal...

663

Let loose on Noddy (with Jacqueline Wilson)

664

I've blinked twice...let me out! (with Annie Mac)

665

An orgy in suburbia

666

These enormous knickers are on and they stay on (with Joanne Harris)

667

Helping Grandma into her girdle

668

Covered in Coronation glitter and glitz (with Emma Bridgewater and the American Viscountess)

669

Someone alert Westminster council that the clock face is broken!

670

Strangled by our robot carers (with Julie McDowall)

671

All the ingredients for a Christmas hit (with Philippa Gregory)

672

Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly (with Alex Jones)

673

Oh I'm not discreet at all

674

A sip of Kylie's Cava and a gulp of Beefy Botham’s Sauvignon

675

I don't mean to immediately degrade the podcast (with Matt Baker)

676

It's one of my little icks (with Larry Lamb)

677

Jane to the power of two - with Lorraine Kelly

678

I'm full of good bacteria - with Angela Hartnett

679

A moment to think about little Brian's balls - with Curtis Sittenfeld

680

Actually, just call an ambulance - Professor Tim Spector

681

I was a binge smoker... - with Stig Abell

682

I can't cope with your youthful success - with Cecelia Ahern

683

I've crashed the junction - with Jenny Eclair

684

Just another manic Monday

685

It's a two-patch kind of day

686

Jane goes it alone - with Christine Flack

687

A handbag full of vomit

688

My inner philatelist is a-flutter - with Elizabeth Day

689

Countdown to The Coronation

690

We're a little bit raggedy around the edges

691

Pithy with a twinkle - with Mel Giedroyc

692

De-moulding a jelly rabbit

693

Daddy pig really is a useless lummox

694

Où est Greggs? - with Eddie Izzard

695

Some very frank details about prostate examinations - with Tony Robinson

696

We must keep a veneer of showbiz

697

Haphazard on a conveyor belt

698

Live at WOW Festival

699

We're here because we're authentic - with Anneka Rice

700

'Jane, get your dad to call me.'

701

Let's park Gary Lineker and talk about toasters - with Spencer Matthews

702

Rich people in the public eye - with Dan Snow

703

A cosy festival of hunker-downer-dom

704

‘Get Off Air…’ - with Donna Leon

705

That’s a substantial sword the lady is baring - with Vanessa Feltz

706

God doesn't notice cheese - with Adjoa Andoh

707

Never go for double denim - with Sally Wainwright

708

Raisins with consequences

709

Triggered by the word 'teats'

710

Hedgehog on hedgehog action

711

Move over Starsky and Hutch

712

Self-care? Just get cats!

713

A lot of people swear by luncheon meat

714

We're full of joie de vivre! - with Rev. Richard Coles and Charles Spencer

715

It's NOT a pie

716

This is my Super Bowl!

717

Head first into glory - with Matty Lee

718

We had a really great thirty minutes...

719

Good luck finding your nipples

720

How many inches do you think yours is?

721

Chicken shoes and a compound brown sauce - with Steven Moffat

722

Like something out of a Victoria Wood sketch

723

I've never been able to look at a pigeon the same way again

724

A "fly by the seat of your pants-er" - with Jojo Moyes

725

Women shouting angrily - with Sarah Polley

726

Problematic Uteri

727

The ski lifts beckon, darling

728

It's what Shakespeare would have wanted...

729

Everyone’s grandma should be their number one fan

730

My perplexometer is off the charts - with Amanda Owen

731

I love a Tuesday - with Alex Edelman

732

Love and loss - with Jason Watkins

733

If music be the food of love, order her a happy meal - with Fred Sirieix

734

Any Jane will do - with Cariad Lloyd

735

BBC Director of eye level - with Ross Kemp

736

That seal has a malevolent look about him - with Michaela Strachan

737

I didn't take up much space and I wasn't any bother

738

Litter training, it's the natural world in all its glory - with Omid Djalili

739

I draw the line at the Sugababes

740

I'm completely over beavers

741

I love Nando's mash - with Romesh Ranganathan

742

A whole degree in umbilical scrutiny

743

Drunk Funcles

744

It's a strange time of year isn't it

745

Crimbo limbo

746

Gloves off for Boxing Day

747

Wine Times LIVE - with Jane and Fi

748

Imagine Uncle Dave is a bit drunk

749

I really can't fathom a minestrone

750

I'm starting to miss the little thing

751

I don't run the organisation...yet

752

I'm not driving home for Christmas

753

At least I'm owning my own hypocrisy

754

Walruses, they're not lookers

755

Royal flush - with Susannah Constantine

756

A multi-purpose royalspert - with Gyles Brandreth

757

A little playful smile resting around my face - with Jake Humphrey

758

My laughable weekly shop

759

I've never got on with a rhombus

760

Standards: we've got to have some - with Michael and Hilary Whitehall

761

You've declared yourself a cockle convert

762

No craic - with Michelle Gallen

763

Porn, the family business - with Jamie Morton and Alice Levine

764

Slipping on lubricant - with Tom Allen

765

Gasping for a lovely drink - with Paul Feig

766

Not everyone is a card carrying naturist

767

Fantastically successful Pink Ladies - with Grace Dent

768

Ding dongs and dong dings

769

Amiable tosh indeed - with Emma Donoghue

770

Hummus abominations - with Yotam Ottolenghi

771

The perils of balancing baked potatoes - with Professor Green

772

It's (probably not) coming home...is it?

773

Quality time with my orb goblet

774

The voice of Gen Z?

775

1000-mile journey - with Michael Palin

776

Horribly exposed to Ned's bits - with Monty Don

777

If I blink twice come and get me

778

A bit of gentle encouragement helps - with Ian Hislop

779

Where the magic happens - with Bryony Gordon

780

Yogababble - with Prof Scott Galloway

781

Been too free with Sir Richard - with Susie Dent

782

I am my cat's Queen - with Dawn O'Porter

783

Beware the Breton jumper - With Nick Grimshaw

784

Cabinet musical chairs - Rishi's first day as PM

785

First job as PM? Panic!

786

Not another one - Liz Truss resigns

787

Clean my gong

788

A saccharine note of journo pap - with Elizabeth Day

789

"The lady's not for turning...UP!"

790

From politics to podcast - with Jess Phillips

791

Ground Control to Major Tim - with Tim Peake

792

Welcome to the club

793

New Royals and a brave bride

794

Chat and Chop - with Jamie Oliver

795

Off air...with Jane and Fi - COMING SOON