All Episodes - Says Who?
In 2016, two friends—and author and a journalist--sat down to ride through the final weeks of the Presidential election by talking to the journalists covering it. They thought they were doing eight episodes. They were wrong. What started as a short trip has become a long and strange journey. They’ve gotten weird. They’ve made friends along the way. Mostly, the weird part, though.Join #1 New York Times bestselling author Maureen Johnson, and legendary publisher of Punk Planet Magazine Dan Sinker as they digest the news each week. Says Who: it’s not a podcast—it’s a coping strategy.
View Podcast Details40 Episodes
ONE LITTLE PEPPERCORN
Maureen is sick. Just a little sick! Dan wants her to back to bed, but Maureen has too many stories to tell…stories of princes, Lords of Darkness, arcane rituals, and houses that cost a single peppercorn. The UK is full of intrigue! Meanwhile, it’s all pizza and beer and war over in the US. Why can’t we get a magical house for a single peppercorn or have a prince that’s called the c***? Get cozy under this blanket, SaysWhovia. It’s story time! Says Who is made possible by y...
WHAT THE *&@$ HAPPENED TO PAM
It’s Maureen’s birthday week! She’s spending it in her signature style—walking maybe too far, biting off more than she can chew, and organizing her notebooks. Meanwhile, Dan has been enjoying a little summery weather in the middle of the cold winter. While he was out, he heard a story. He wants to share it with Maureen, because Maureen loves stories. And dogs. Maureen loves dogs. And so, apparently, does Pam Bondi.Also, these aren't bright people and things got out of hand.Quick, get the balloons, SaysWhovia! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
TOO MANY DUCKS
Dan and Maureen are easing into February with clear heads and warm hearts. It’s basically still New Year’s, so Maureen is talking planners! But in an okay way. She really has a grip on it now. The problem, actually—or the subject—is ducks, and their organization. Sometimes, you just have too many!Speaking of too many—there are too many Epstein files and too many terrible things in them, but in some places, like the UK, they matter! And things are happening. Lots of things. Lots of things are still happening in Minneapolis as well—and in other places.But never mind all of that! Trump is mad about the Super Bowl.Gather ye ducks, SaysWhovia. Gather ye ducks! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
MAUREEN'S ROCKS
So it turns out Maureen has been collecting rocks all this time. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
ICE ICE BABY
SaysWhovia! We are back. Well, Dan has been here all along suffering through *waves hands in all directions* with the rest of you. But Maureen? Maureen has been away! Offline! Disconnected! And she's made a big mistake: She came back. Welcome to hell. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
INTO THE PIT
2026 has arrived on the stage with a lot to prove. Thirteen days in, Dan and Maureen try to parse it all, and they have an idea: bear holes.Get digging, SaysWhovia. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
NO DIRECTION
Welcome to 2026? Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
MAUREENOLOGUE
It's the end of the year and Maureen has some things to say. Happy New Year? Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
BIG MUG
This week, as 2025 draws to a close after an astonishing 11 month run, Dan and Maureen find themselves the holiday spirit. Maureen has a great big mug from the SaysWho shop that she can barely lift. That’s because she hasn’t been working out in the new airport gyms. She needs to do her pull-ups! Yes, the powers that be are closing out 2025—not by bringing peace or prosperity or health care—but by telling Americans we are disgusting and have to dress nicer on planes. And work out more at the gate. Sure, why not.But sometimes, people on planes are disgusting.Now put on a hat and get on that treadmill, SaysWhovia. We have a flight to catch. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
GARBAGE BRAGS
This week, Maureen and Dan had to record on Monday, so whatever weird stuff happened on Tuesday, they don’t know about. Don’t tell them. No spoilers.Because this episode is about wonderful things. Maureen has a magical encounter with a SaysWhovian. Dan’s wonderful holiday stockings are flying off the virtual shelves. Books are good! And New York City emerges once again as the best city in the world, because NYC showed up when ICE tried to come to play and caged them in a parking lot. With the garbage bags that Dan is always complaining about. It’s the redemption arc, and we’re all here for it.Plus: capitalism! And war? (?????) Again, no spoilers!Grab that trash, SaysWhovia. Let’s go fight fascism. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
AMERICAN CANYON
Gobble gobble! It’s pretty much Thanksgiving! This week, Dan and Maureen are reflecting on 2025 so far. Like Trump falling in love with Mamdani. Stuff like that. Also, is stuffing any good? But really, Dan is trying to catch a fly. 90% of this episode is Dan trying to catch a fly, which has got to be a metaphor for something. And since we’re talking metaphors, Maureen reads from more of the Nuzzi/Lizza saga because nothing brings a good Thanksgiving meal to an end than a poem that will abolsutely make you barf.Grab a plate, SaysWhovia. It’s time to eat. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
WE DID NUZZI THIS COMING
Hey, SaysWhovia, are you ready for a little extra this week? This is the Fish Delight of Says Who—50% more—and all of it rich and filling! Come with us as we find out what’s happening with the Epstein emails. Then, Trump finally gets to meet his heroes at McDonalds. And then… then Dan and Maureen really get into it.Because this time we’re going back to someone who was a guest on this very show back in the beginning. We’re going to find out all about Olivia Nuzzi’s new book, American Canto, about her love affair with RFK. Dan wants to read some of it to Maureen, who does not want to be on the receiving end. And just when you think it’s over, the bamboo-riddled reply comes in. This is a story of dirtbag love, terrible ideas, and even worse writing.Grab your McDonald’s Coke and get ready for a bad romance, SayWhovia. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
OKAY FRODO
This week, Maureen is on her way to Iceland, and Dan is in Chicagoland, where the battle rages on. Time to talk about the ACA and the Democrats in general! Which is going to be spicy!Grab a puffin, SaysWhovia. It’s time to get real. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
OYSTERS!
Surprise! It was Maureen’s mom’s birthday. She is in PA. There was a party. Actually, there was more than one party. Maureen is still there, so things are going great. She wishes she was in NYC to watch NYC try to get its first non-clown mayor. You already know what happened, SaysWhovia. Dan and Maureen are in the dark.Meanwhile, Dan has split his time between helping people in Chicago, which is still under occupation, and doing his job. It’s a lot! Good thing the government is working and no one has to worry about ACA premiums or…Ah. Wait. Nevermind.Still, it’s not all bad. And it’s such a beautiful fall day! Like Dan and Maureen learned at exactly this time last year—nothing can go wrong now! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
FLYING ON ONE WING
Dan and Maureen are back after an unexpected absence (last week’s episode had to go to the Secret Place). A lot has happened! Maureen is trying to make a fake restaurant. Dan drove around with a ghost. No one is sleeping! Meanwhile, the Battle of Chicago is real and raging on. Dan reports in. NYC gets ready for the big election. Also, Trump got mad and tore down the East Wing of the White House in a move no one knew you could do.But Dan and Maureen want to talk about tacos, planners, acupuncture, and the power of healthy habits—healthy habits being tacos, planners, and acupuncture.Put on your hard hat, SaysWhovia. The wrecking ball swings low. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
392th BONUS EPISODE SPECTAULAR!
In 2016, two babies sat down to make an eight episode podcast. Now, on episode 400, they reflect on all the things they didn’t know going into this idea—namely, anything. They didn’t know anything. How would they have dealt with street kidnappings, COVID, an increasingly unhinged Trump marauding the land? Probably not well!Also, Dan is now writing a book, and Maureen has seen some new planners.Come with us, SaysWhovia, as we reflect. And talk about office supplies. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
300 FOOT SKELETON
Dan hates Illinois Nazis.But there here, so we're gonna have to deal with them. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
FAT BATTLESHIPS
It's been a week, Sayswhovia.A.Week. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
INFLATE THE BABY
SaysWhovia, some weeks come with too much filling. The news oozes out and gets all over your clothes. This was such a week. And like two people unwittingly and unwillingly taking place in a restaurant challenge, Dan and Maureen have to eat the whole thing. Where to start? The end of non-censored comedy and commentary? Openly listing crimes on social media? Handfuls of cash? A creepy love story? Complaining about escalators at the UN while telling all the other countries they suck? Claiming babies are being jacked with buckets of random substances? Trump trying to say the word “acetaminophen”?How do you eat something like that? One disgusting bite at a time.Get the Tums ready, SaysWhovia. We’re going home with that commemorative plate. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
DIVER DOWN
OK yes that thing happened, you know the one. But did you hear about the scuba diver thief at Disney World????Maureen has a book out, awful news happened, and $10k is missing from a paddleboat in Disney Springs. This certainly sounds like an episode of Says Who, doesn't it. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
NUMBER NINE NUMBER NINE NUMBER NINE
Nine years ago Maureen and Dan sat down to record an eight episode podcast. Mistakes were made.Here they are, 395 episodes later, while Maureen is in the midst of finishing yet another book, to talk about... whatever fresh hell we all find ourselves in. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
MR. GIULIANI'S WILD RIDE
We know why you came this week, and we are here to deliver. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
UTAH COTTON
Dan and Maureen are back! Well, Maureen is still where she was and Dan is still not home, but they are back in SaysWhovia at the end of Dan’s Very Bad, No Good Summer. Dan needs a nap and a hug. He has stories from the American road, though. Have you heard about the vast cotton fields of Utah?Meanwhile, two of his favorite things: the postal system and Chicago are being threatened. New York did a fun thing! Which is nice, because New York is probably about to do some much less fun things in the coming weeks. It’s going to be a weird time in Chicago and New York. Which city will win?Get in line at the breakfast buffet, SaysWhovia. It’s going to be a long trip. Eat up. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
ROAD ARMOR
Sometimes you find a mace on the road, SaysWhovia. It’s 2025. Pick it up. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
UP ON THE ROOF
SaysWhovia, Dan needs a hug. Maureen, however, is fine and has the receipts to prove it. Everything is very normal and very cool with her. Also, with Trump, who is on the roof of the White House for very normal reasons. Also, we’re going to build a nuclear reactor on the moon! Which is like the roof of the earth, if you think about it long enough. Everything is going up, up, up! Except for Dan’s current timeline, which is why we are all going to give him a hug.Get a blanket, SaysWhovia. It’s roof time. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DROWN ONE
Maureen is back from the green, green fields of England and has brought a whole new outlook! She saw a cow. Everything is better now. But she did have to explain America to a lot of English people, which was tricky. It’s all about the rollercoasters. Meanwhile, Dan has been holding down the fort. He’s fine. He’s great! He wants to talk to Maureen about soccer, because anything is better than dealing 2025. It’s the Says Who Summer Vacation Experience.Hold on to the safety bar, SaysWhovia. No one has safety checked this ride. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
ENGLAND'S DREAMING
This week, Maureen is in England, where not everything is terrible. There’s tea at four. Birds are singing in the trees. A gentle breeze blows through the air. No one is being fed to alligators. Dan is in the Bad Place still, and wants Maureen to know what has been going on. Everyone is looking for the Epstein files. Trump can dismantle the government, and also, he stole a trophy! Maureen should stay where she is, feeding Marmite sandwiches to ponies.Have a cup of tea, SaysWhovia. Things, as Maureen points out, are only getting started. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
BADGER WATCH
Hey Sayswhovia! It is hot and it is bad and Maureen and Dan are here to help (???) you through it. And hey, as bad as things are, at least you're not Dan, whose teeth keep falling out. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
BUTTER DEMON CASTLE
Welcome back to regular Says Who service as Dan’s schedule starts to regulate. And good things are happening! Maureen is sewing and making froyo. Dan and Son of Dan made a video game controller out of garbage! That’s great! And there’s a bill! A big, monster of a bill, slouching toward the House. Trump and Elon are fighting again, and we finally made our first concentration camp. USA!So let’s talk about demons, tiny crocheted babies, and a hot new show that’s going to change everything.Please take your seats, Says Whovia. Our flight to nowhere is about to take off, but we are on it together. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
THE FIVE CUOMOS
It sure is hot out there, SaysWhovia. Especially in NYC, where Maureen has been out voting. Dan has thoughts on this, because he always has thoughts on New York and the mayor situation. This all turns out to be about sandwiches. Also, war! Maureen makes dog food!Wear sunscreen, SaysWhovia. Conditions are warming up. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
THE PUDDING HOUR
Dan had a genuinely rough week, SaysWhovia. We’re going to have a relaxing episode with some pudding and a nice parade. A big parade. Huge. And maybe an old friend will come and sing us a song.Let’s take care of each other, SaysWhovia, and let’s have some pudding. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER
Everything is going great SaysWhovia. Maureen's brain is shorting out as her deadline grows near, the recording connection keeps freezing up, and Elon's popping 20 pills a day. Oh also, he has a black eye. And is definitely not high.It's fine. Everything's fine.Wolfy's! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
NO ONE WANTS YOUR PANTS
It’s been a messy start to today, SayWhovia. Literally. But we’re going to get through it together. Because this week, we have a delicious meal to serve up, straight from the best kitchens of the Trump golf courses. Or, from a kitchen of a Trump golf course. Come learn about the new grift!And if you feel like you’re in too deep, Dan and Maureen will send one of the new Eric Adams lifeguard drones. It won’t save you—but it will soothe you.Come sit down, SaysWhovia. It’s time to eat. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
GOOD LUCK BOSS
SaysWhovia! Maureen is off to become a lobbiest (no really) and Dan is back in Chicago—home of The Pope, did you hear—and Bruce Springsteen is on tour out of the country where apparently he might want to stay because Donald Trump is Super Big Mad about things he said, which is a normal thing that happens. In fact, lots of normal things are happening, like RFK Junior swimming in sewage, Donald Trump being followed around the Middle East by a roving McDonalds, and JD Vance trying to kill the new Pople, who is from Chicago if you haven't heard.Anyway, nobody's at The Friends Expereince anymore Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
THE ONE WHERE DAN GOES TO THE FRIENDS EXPERIENCE
Dan was in New York over the weekend and Maureen wanted to give him a window into authentic NYC living by taking him to The Friends Experience. Yes, the TV show that Dan has never seen. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
NO NO SOAPY
Maureen is in Philadelphia, enjoying the greenery and the ticks. Dan is in Chicago, enjoying his basement. And tariffs. Yes, it’s Tariff Talking Time! How do you put a tariff on a movie? We’re about to find out maybe!Also, If you’ve been planning on getting into hacking, now is a great time. The US is operating on tutorial level. Now you too can read state secrets!Everything is generally smart and good and running well.Stock up on fireworks and get over here, SaysWhovia. We’re going to read some texts! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
WHAT A MARKER
Dan and Maureen think you need a break. They want to talk to you about some good television and games. Give your mind a rest. Renew yourself. Also, Trump and Elon are taking a break, so there’s the tie in! Also, Maureen wants to take Dan to the Friends Experience and explain to him what “we were on a break!” is about! He has no idea!Also, tariffs! Canada! And beans!So much about beans.Sit down, SaysWhovia. Grab a fork. Maureen’s cooking up a pot of something oblong and high in protein! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
DEATHVANCE
You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys. He killed the Pope. Preorder The Creeping Hand Murder here: https://www.mysteriousbookshop.com/products/maureen-johnson-jay-cooper-you-are-the-detective-the-creeping-hand-murder-preorder-signed?_pos=2&_sid=266ae0085&_ss=r Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
SOUP BUCKET
This week, Dan and Maureen are joined by Akilah Hughes to talk about…something. Akilah and Dan definitely want to talk about something, but they’re being so cagey about it.VOTE REBEL SPIRIT here: https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2025/podcasts/limited-series-specials/diversity-equity-inclusion-belongingAnd preorder The Creeping Hand Murder here: https://www.mysteriousbookshop.com/products/maureen-johnson-jay-cooper-you-are-the-detective-the-creeping-hand-murder-preorder-signed?_pos=2&_sid=266ae0085&_ss=r Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho
MEAT ON THAT RAT
It's Tariff Time over in SaysWhovia! Let's all celebrate the return of American manufacturing, which is absolutely going to happen.Also, please help Dan. He is not okay. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho