All Episodes
Steve Allen - The Whole Show — 1000 episodes
Old Lynchy!
Pigs in blankets
i was traumatised
Yorkshire pudding lasagna
Cooking with gas
Go away you stalker
I hope they dont put sugar in it
What are you doing
I was weeing icicles
Don't go to bed smelling of fish & chips
Chicken and sweetcorn soup
There's dinosaurs around
Steve Allen Radio Royalty
I've got nothing on the computer!
Hats off to Mum
Chimpanzee on a high wire
Goblin Mode
Weatherspoons on the moon
Port and lemon
Squirty squirty cream, I love it
Steve Allen tartan
How lovely for a cat to win something
I love sucking an ice cube
Sweep squeaks
Unlucky Strike
Nobody eats gherkins now, do they?
Rice cake drone
The Calm After The Storm
How short is a short shower?
The stotty man
Introducing: Sweeney Talks...
Dogs listening to reggae? I think not.
Fake twiglets
The Hair & The Scare
That takes a little bit of biscuit
Greasy kebabs
Clotted cream in the blood
Badly made duvet
Equal Rights For Octopuses
Lettuce Rejoice
Mrs Tiggy Winkle
It was a dog show, poodles
Soup & Roll Evening
The pink brigade
He's fairly loud
The mash takeover
Pebble dashing
One pan cooking
The Chicken & The Egghead
There's no such thing as a healthy crisp
Global's Make Some Noise
A double bath with 2 steaks
I'm not wild about saunas
Cat food and chips
Number One In Heaven
That's my milk
Liquorice root baton
You're going to get deluged
A Singapore Sling
Under The Weather
On The Button
I do like a hot spike
Life is too short to stuff a mushroom
Seals are so dumb
That's a quick 12 quid
Cheddar's up
Crikey, that makes us feel old
Rule Brittania
A tribute to the Queen
Penny in the slot jobs
I never sussed out Noddy and Big Ears
I've seen pussycats surfing
Twist my arm and call me Susan
It wreaks havoc on your pearly whites
You still get vinyl junkies
Here comes the rain
He Has Become A Wet Lettuce
How Old Is The Lock Ness Monster now?
Your umbrella's dripping all over the place
Heinz hash browns with baked beans inside
You're quite right Noreen
Spiders
I'd hate to be an insect
I just fancied vanilla today
60s nothing nowadays!
Some Like It Hot
Rainy Days & Mondays
Plane talk
Weather Alert
He's just going to look like a complete and utter turnip
I hope you're not selling my beans!
Put it in the overhead locker or I'll shove you up there
Flush Puppies
Ready to socialise, expect stimulating encounters
I used to snore so much I'd wake myself up!
They leave here and go to bed, I leave here and go to Greggs
Nothing worse than beaky curtain twitchers
They've got dogs in Florida that sniff fruit
Fishing for bicycles every year
I've got every version of Goodbye, Mr Chips
They built me a tower
Cheese and biscuits
Frantic Friday
I do like a doughnut occasionally
I want meat in my sausage roll
It's a cheddar cheese muffin
Who wears fluorescent orange?
I look good as a baby
Ice
Drink Water!!
Heatwave
Stay Cool
I know! Sunday!
I know! Saturday!
Did you know that ladybirds bite?
I don't buy oranges I buy satsumas
Summer getaway
Murray OUT
I wanted a banana milkshake
Coming Soon: The Followers
The Super Soaker works well
Jane Fonda dancing with Osama bin Laden
Well I'm not sure if I want a pina colada
Clogs, yes clogs!
A fish called Rhondda
Sasquatch or what?
Who is Junior Andre?
The campest old queen you'd ever seen
Sorry, I was chatting and being gossipy
It's an ice cream crisis
Sex Kitten
The hokey pokey men
When you've gotta go, you've gotta go
I like Bounty bars
He was a bit of a wild boy
Sneaky Pete's
I want to go out with an alcoholic barman
Unexpected morons in the bagging area
So the pidgins die
Get your violin out pal
Cheap as chips.
Fast & Furious
If You Build It, They Will Come
Short Shrift
Light & Shade
Wet Wet Wet
The Long Good Friday
The Morning After
You Do The Maths
Withering Heights
Words and Pictures
I could do with a volcanic cone
What Do They Mean 'Hand Finished'?!
Every mouthful tastes the same.
The Poor Little Earth Angel
The Great Unwashed in my Pool.
Whales falling down
I've got balls that can take off now.
I'm For Sale On Ebay!
I'm Bored With Balls
Laughing All The Way To The Bank Holiday
The Voice of Crinkley Bottom
I don't know why I was in the Lorry
As If The Queen Has Ever Been In Bondage!
I Feel Like Mary Poppins
Salad Queen
Just makes your wee smell a bit.
I saw a little bit poking out.
We did it in our pants.
I was looking like Tarzan.
Google it you moron.
I love a cheap sausage.
I would do my whole body...
I Have Waddled Myself.
I Don't Remember The Scrunge...
Steve Allen: The Movie
The Key to Eternal Youth
Cher and Cher Alike
Warning: May Contain Nuts
Ode to June
Le Dessert du Jour
We've Forgotten About Poor Old Geronimo
I Love The Smell Of Tar...
Meat? Not In MY Ploughmans!
Smith, Sooty and Stevenson screens
Baby Jesus Shopping in Selfridges.
Feral Cats Everywhere!
I Can't Eat Big Shredded Wheat.
I'm Just Telling Them About My Strawberries!
The moon would've been preferable
BREAKING NEWS: Lions Are Big
Amazing Grace
Thank Goodness I Was Wearing Pants
You'll Believe Any Old Twaddle, Won't You?
Spring back, fall forward
Hello, have you seen my Llama?
My Kilo of Toffee!
I've Adopted An Ant.
Don't Show Me A Chicken Big Mac
I Love The World Pasty Championships
I Don't Do Posh Soups
A Limited Edition First Print Copy
Steve Allen, The Widow's Friend
The Bloke Eating Jaffa Cakes
But There's No Irish In Me
Steve's banana juice
A safe hand on the tiller
Just to prove how supple I am
Heavily edited
You can't harm them with a fruit gum
Blown away
Unborn babies love me
Cremated and put in an egg timer
Cheap Flowers Day
It Was A Cane
Too many bloomin' eggs
Down with the pensioners
Tinned burglars
Introducing 'Feast is Feast with Big Zuu'...
I like looking at bacon rolls
Immersed in haggis
The top ten things to do in Whitby
The excitement of having stents
Don't want you chomping at anything
I'm Grade-I listed
It's not the place you go to for spare ribs
It's So Steve Allen
Why don't they do squirty jam?
Very passé, walking is
Am I facing the right way?
We dreamed of stilts
A little bit of skin available
Loaded up on bacon
A seat for the dim one
Like a permanent takeaway
Do you know Steve Allen?
I won't argue about poppadoms
Bits of tooth coming out
Life-affirming pickled onions chat
Volcanoes are more human than we realise
The Queen's got a mouthful of teeth
Holding a Chocolate Teapot
I'm Rattling on a Good Day
A Great Bird Detractor
Ten Thousand Litres of Milk
Tunnel of Love
Happy New Year!
Bodies All Over The Place
Masquerading As A Punter
Nobody Rains On My Parade
No Such Thing As UFO's
And The Ring Is Where?
Boxing Day Brilliance
It's Christmas!
Scrooge Allen Just Doesn't Sound Right
You Don't Steal The Baby Jesus
30 Years To Go
Dickensian Menu
I just have a thing for glue!
They don't seem to make sausages in the morning
Shunned In The Playground
I'm Not Sharing With Slugs
Who Robs a Fish and Chip Shop?
Late night potato feast
Horses in Bethlehem
A Prize Package
Mr. Cucumber
Introducing Hunting Ghislaine: The Trial
I Like To Have A Little Squeeze
Just gnawing at a bone
Four Sneezes
We Already Discussed No Cabbage
Call Me Pump Number 2
Gourmet Popcorn
A Land Rover that looks like a rhinoceros
More Cheap Than Cheerful
Student Food
Bit Of A Surprise For The Commuters
Equally Vampirish
It sounds like he has laryngitis
Don't Feed It
I Ended Up With The Flugelhorn
The Bolsheviks Have A Lot To Answer For
We Like A Splash
Cruising is good fun
The Gravy Train
Lest We Forget
A Shortage of Santas
It's a Lobster
I Love Looking in Freezers
I Believe It's Called Topiary
Quelle Surprise On That One
Accidental Kitchen Alchemy
Don't engage with Americans
Synchronised Swimming
Wake Up and Smell the Lava
Suave Allen
Potatoes for Breakfast
Paying for petrol with Paddington
Hot and Spicy
A Toffee Apple Sausage
Length Beats Width
An Arty Pocket
Mittens and Kittens
An Empty Cardboard Box
Another Avenue of Pleasure Denied Me
Cold Feet, Hot Legs
Addicted To Flannels
I wonder if I'll get a plaque
A Bit Like Beatle-Mania
The Mafia Has Gone Woke
Get Your Woggle Out
I Always Fancied a Cockatiel
S-tea-ve tray Allen
Choir Boy Allen
Baseball Cap Aficionado
The Name's Allen, Steve Allen
A Lick and a Promise
Fuel-tile
New York, New York
Road to Ruin
What's good for the Goose
The Hose and the Hanging Baskets
Afternoon Tea
Mince Pie Virgin
100 Days Until Christmas
Irish Meat Market
Mini Cocktail Sausages
Santa firebombing your house
Paddington is a Born Leader
Lathered Up
Diamonds are forever
Battered Beef Burger
Break a leg, Matt
Caravan of Love
A Close Shave
Blackpool and Sat Navs
Cheap, Trashy Shoes
Bank Holiday Happenings
Circus Circus
Greek Food Eater
Cream Horns
Am I getting a tattoo?
What is BTS?
It's Raining?
Mound Zero
All Hands To The Pump
Avenue of Pleasure
Like a Tom Daley knitted jumper
Hadrian's Sprawl
What's The Goss?
Toe To Toe
Christmas Comes Early
To the polls
Introducing 'I've Been Thinking with Peter Frankopan'
I love my job
The wheels on the bus go round and round
I thought I'd haemorrhaged
Chesty Morgan
Free Britney
Barking up the wrong tree
Espresso Anyone?
UFOs, Aliens and Crop Circles
I've decided to go eight foot
Over the limit
Rather Nice Mice
Don't mess with Allen
Go Go Steve Allen
Early Morning Double Cheeseburgers!
Introducing 'If It Bleeds It Leads'
Mick Jagger's a Polly Pocket
How many holes?!
Shark vs croc
The Chipping Forecast
Richard Madeley's a vampire
Clamour for Concorde
Lets all go down the Strand and have a banana!
Go and chew on a lamppost
We found Jordan's bag!
Chocolate for breakfast
RIP William Shakespeare
Titanic tattlings
I'd rather have Cherry Genoa...
As mad as a toothbrush!
I think I move around quite well, actually!
Wash your veg?
Fairground Attractions
I keep missing my train!
Steve Allen and the Faulty Thermometer: Part Two
How VERY rude!
Dolly Parton for dinner
A basket full of foot-cream
We like the sea shanty
It's time for cyberwoman!
Christmas Steve!
Mariachi madness
Where on earth is Hartlepool?
Not just any old burgers
The eagle has landed!
I'm Steve Allen. No you're not!
Have you ever had your toes sucked?
All You Need is a Hot Buttered Crumpet
Just another magic Monday!
You've booked to go to the pub?!
We've got no news about The Cheeky Girls...
A chip butty!
Poisioned by water...
It hangs at the wrong level
Gnome Alone
I quite fancy a Hawaiian
Nobody sucks on a magnum, you fool!
One hour a week... for goodness sake!
Hot Crossed Buns
Light or shade
I can't hear you!
Hello commercial sweet cheeks!
That poor seal!
I can't believe it's been a year
Oh, you're gone!
I fancy a cantaloupe
I told you that horse would fall!
My balloons are looking quite well actually
It's my Birthday, and I just don't like Picasso, OKAY?!
A chicken kiev... IN A PIE!
I promise you, I'm not a hologram!
Welcome Home!
I've joined the teabag dunking revolution!
The food of love
I'm under so much pressure in this studio!
We used to suck icicles
I'm the giver of marriage advice!
The Society of Mustard Jumpers
I could be the GOAT
The Cultural Hub of the Universe
You better answer my questions!
A picture of zooming mullets
It's another light show today
If he picks up then we're all in trouble
Equal rights for snowmen
Tax and vax
It's like sitting on a hot rod...
And that's what's hot... and what's not
And I didn't scream anymore
Imagine me interviewing Elvis...
You wouldn't believe it but I mimed the entirity of Sunday's show!
Let's Hear It For The Boys
Super Singing Steve Allen!
The Groovy Gang Castle
Fancy a date with a pink lady?
Steve Allen: The Oracle of Leicester Square
Our jingle lady Miriam can play a MEAN fiddle!
Soaps on the ropes
Panang and Chips, Please
It's just like a skip on wheels
You're taking no prisoners today!
She knew exactly what I wanted!
If it's up, that's your business
Is it a tangerine?
Not that kind of Pleasure Beach
Cordin Bleurgh Bleurgh
I'm like Edna, the Inebriate Woman
The Frugal Allen Show
Leave the parakeets alone!
Steve Allen, the biggest everything!
It's not 'Love Island', it's the 'Very Sad Island'
Where was my knighthood?!
I don't even know what day it is!
Yoghurt and Prunes
"The Anonymous Poem"
Leave the chocolate...
Come and visit Steve Allen Land this Boxing Day (the gift shop's a treat!)
Steve Allen's Christmas Special
Happy Brexmas & Trexit
Where they deep-fry your grandmother
Sheperd's Pie for Breakfast
Does that mean you go out in your lingerie?
The Queen won't be queuing in the local clinic
We went underground...
KEVIN!
11 inches (of snow) before Christmas
The long awaited 14th of December extravaganza!
You dropped your baubles!
Don't squeeze the teabag!
We celebrate the life of Barbara Windsor
I gave you my last Rolo
How can you be allergic to Christmas?!
It's Steve Allen!
6 mince pies - 39p!
It IS my Jonathan!
Antiques Roadship
I always judge a place by their milkshakes...
He's doing fake Christmas?
It's a five egg omelette you know...
So they've stuck chicken in a doughnut...
Corn: It's in the name!
Meat-eaters and milk-drinkers, we rule the world...
Haven't you got a podcast to make?
It's that bloody nut roast!
I got the boys pickled onions!
I'm a vegan and about as trendy as a lamp post
It's like a trek over the alps with Hannibal
I could be the cheaper version of Cher...
Bib-iddy-bob-iddy-boo...
You'll hear this on the podcast tomorrow!
Leave the stags alone!
I only work with fat people
I was on a spacecraft with Robbie Williams
Introducing Hunting Ghislaine with John Sweeney
You need to up the ante with the personality...
Spam, Spam, Spam!
How many different types of bikes can we name?
If you're flexitarian, you grow hair!
I've met Father Christmas...
I'm back!!!
Honest as the days short...
Apple bobbing Longfellow...
Cheshire Cheese!
Lover of all things wonderful
Steve Allen's Groovy Gang prosecco glasses!
Reggie...Is that short for Reginald?
Steve Allen's toffee apple club!
Pumpkins in Leicester Square!
I do not want your pumpkin soup, thank you!
Deep fried mini mince pies
We woffed that door a bit!
Apple bobbing burgers dipped in batter!
Apparently this warrants a trip to Brighton!
Do they know about crème brûlée?
How do you cook a hedgehog?
All I had was a chocolate Father Christmas
If you've ever wondered what perfection sounds like...
Introducing "What Next?" with Lionel Barber
'Non-stick pan' - the clue is in the name!
If you don't like Christmas, you might be listening to the wrong show...
I will speak no further of the length of my bratwurst!
Do I look like I own a onesie?!
I'm a curtain twitcher
You have talking hips now do you?
£52 for a gym membership?!
I was never a football.
Fiver a month will come in very handy...
I'm the blueberry expert!
I like bunnies
President Trump tests positive for Coronavirus
Don't mess with the Allen!
What a mess of a debate that was!
'Legs Allen'
Can we find out how many calories in a foxes glacier mint?
They light up your life
Steve's steamer...
Locked into the spiciness...
Smell funghus...
Oh my godfathers...
I sarcophagus, you sarcophagus...
It will all end in tears
Little bit of a sexy kitten you are Steve...
I'm 39 on the radio and 66 in the hospital...
I'd love to live in the Heartbeat village
That's what I want: a Paddington Bear duffle coat
How many producers?!
A face like an inverted grapefruit
The flat cap of Britain?
We only had fish and chips back then... and we didn't even get the fish!
Bunch of lemons
Freshly squeezed, easily pleased!
I like the idea of being ‘scrutified’!
Ready made baked potatoes
The Best Of: 31st August - 4th September 2020
I'm there unscrewing the seat
Fish, chips and mushy peas... in Japan!
Name that creamy dessert!
Bubble blowing Father Christmas!
I REALLY want that chicken!
Don't wave it around, they'll all want one
The Best Of: 24th - 28th August 2020
We are now twinned with Barnsley!
I've got no idea I'm a lobster...
The feast of St. Bobble!
You'll miss me when I don't turn up on the train to Angelsey...
The old Allen brain!
Radio? What else are they going to call it!
The Best Of: 17th - 21st August 2020
Listen to a few home truths...
Homage to the Allen!
Of course I'm not going to cycle, I'm a celebrity...
He wants to go to Wales...
A statue of a turkey twizzler...
Who's the producer?!
The Best Of: 10th - 14th August 2020
I cannot get enough of riboflavin!
The perfect fish and chips...
Forty miles per hour and the size of a turkey...
How to eat a crumpet
I know the feeling...
The coming of the grape
The Best of: 3rd - 7th August 2020
You remember oscillating don't you?
A vegan sausage roll and salad?!
Lord Allen of Twickenham!
He's like the human dustbin...
I love a mooch around Halfords!
It will involve beans and giant frankfurters
The Best Of: 27th-31st July 2020
You're barred
When in Rome...
I can do anything in here! Just watch.
He's been doing Little Mix lyrics...
My tulips are dropping...
It's almost August!
The Best Of: 20th-24th July 2020
Masking for trouble
All the best TV theme tunes!
Swinging nuts around on the balcony...
There's a shilling for your troubles!
Steve Allen's laser disk player!
It’s either tight or tense, or loose or floppy...
The Best Of: 13th-17th July 2020
You can't beat a battered sausage
I fear for the wurst...
Solar butterflies bobbing along...
Is that 'double dip' again?!
Give us a toffee
It all goes downhill after 25
The Best Of: 6th - 10th July 2020
Have you got your bag yet?
I go to the gym for the frozen yogurt!
To dunk or not to dunk?!
I never joke about DIY it's my speciality!
I'll die at this microphone...
A wonderful way to water the plants
The Best Of: 29th June - 3rd July 2020
Buses with names on...
A vegan poem...
Steve Allen, it's like having wind...
You always get a good laugh out of a sea captain!
Why would aliens want to visit us?
It's getting cooler, and the snowflakes are out
The Best Of: 22nd-26th June
Jurgen Klopp? Looks like Steven Spielberg
Immense High Street shop nostalgia!
The biggest fish and chips you ever did see!
Poems that never quite made it...
The day we've all been dreading
Maybe we all eat too much
Steve launches his (Virtual) Live Show
Find me R2D2!
'From here it's 3 hours'... fantastic!
The Groovy Gang is back!
The Grand Reopening
I had a craving for cereal... fruit & fibre
The Best Of: 7th - 12th June 2020
It was just like Harry Potter!
Why can't I eat chips for breakfast?
Hello, I'm a horse with an extended neck!
Sea snakes are shy!
Prince Philip is talking to plants...
It's Sunday morning... which is nice.
The Best Of: 1st - 5th June 2020
The tote bag!
The Steve Allen impersonator!
I love a good weepy film!
Is Anne Robinson your vice?
Steve's golden Wensleydale...
Never believe a farm shop!
The Best Of: 25th - 29th May 2020
Mary Poppins became Mary Poppouts...
Me and the page 3 girls!
Have you ever had a banana on a barbecue?
I could open up a restaurant based on double cream...
Pull the cracker, oooh it's a P45!
Poo pooo bee dooo!
The Best Of: 17th - 22nd May 2020
Marmite... in gravy?!
That's it. You are barred from the show.
Her hair is stapled on her head!
My memorial plaque will be kept in this studio... along with my body!
Toilet roll with my face on it...
There's no budget for the orchestra!
The Best Of: 10th - 15th May 2020
Fly me to the moon!
A ghost dwarf is haunting the British Museum!
What about the ants and plants that see you naked? They've probably gone into shock!
Joe Swash's hair?! It comes out a can or something...
Two-hundred-and-twenty quid for a fake willy?!
Okay, let's ramp it up a bit ...
The Best Of: 3rd - 8th May 2020
Models use hemerrhoid creams under their eyes!
Queen Victoria? Little fat so-and-so... She was enormous!
Paddington Bear's hot, Paddington's really hot...
That's not her ego ... that's her bottom!
Gravy and tonic!
He's a fat, tubby tyrant ... who's come back from the dead!
The Best Of: 27th April - 1st May 2020
Come here Bullseye!
The biggest spotty dog you ever did see!
I've often invited UFOs to land in Trafalgar Square!
Prince Philip snores like a rhinoceros!
The crocodiles are there doing their nails...
Methuselah Bottle
The Best Of: 20th - 24th April 2020
Salt flakes, what are they?!
My name's Stephen, I'm taking care of this bank robbery...
You want an 80/20 wool mixture...
I don't sit in a doughnut for anybody...
A sweet smelling super soaker...
I wish I had two birthdays....
The Best Of: 13th - 17th April 2020
Slide in a bit of news...
Steve Allen's a fungi!
Auntie Elsie, you're melting!
I'm Steve Allen Titchmarsh!
A viennetta on a stick?!
Happy Easter Sunday!
The Best Of: 6th - 10th April 2020
Equal rights for mushrooms!
Automatic milking!
Hate mail from Bolton!
Boris, we are all rooting for you.
I'm beginning to look like a cross between Art Garfunkel and orphan Annie!
Playin' chess with his pets?!?
The Best Of: 30th March - 3rd April 2020
The Steve Allen rubber glove show!
A vegan umlaut!
I'm like a Jackie Chan movie all by myself!
I think my glasses make me desperately attractive...
Have you seen the people in Alaska?!
Who's got a talking umbrella?
The Best Of: 23rd - 27th March 2020
Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah, even Steve knows!
Mr Motivator!
My artisan bread, my artisan toaster and my artisan butter!
A public service broadcast about cats!
Where do you stick your thermometer?
Chocolate Body Paint
The Best Of: 16th March - 20th March 2020
You're not going out looking like that!
Bottoms Up!
We're all about piñatas!
Steve Allen's Birthday!
E-I-E-I-O...
2 pairs of Pants = £12
If I can dream... of flyin'.
What is it about rabbits anyway?
Don't question the size of my coconuts, thank you
Riddle me this!
Murky Monday V: The Supermoon Special
Andrew, the Thief!
The Best Of: 2nd March - 6th March 2020
A West End Wendy!
Fumbling around in the dark!
I couldn't resist it!
TVs, washing machines, vacuum cleaners, bedding, clothing, sweets, meat, cakes, fruit, booze etc.
Coming soon: The LBC Naked Calendar
Singin' in the rain
The Best Of: 24th-28th February 2020
Wild horses could not drag me away from this show!
Multicoloured and full of bird seed!
I should have brought vol-au-vents
No.1 Programme (ever) in the English-speaking world.
I don't believe in crop circles
Don't cross the Queen
The Best Of: 17th February - 21st February 2020
A special one off podcast!
Cheerio...I'm speaking into the sponge.
Yes I know the muffin man
Psychic Steve and the specter of the french onion man
This is primarily an educational programme...
An ocean of prosecco!
The Best Of: 10th February - 14th February 2020
I haven't received any Valentines cards!
Mornington Croissant!
You might not hear this next joke...
A Sloppy Joe looks like a right mess!
I've bought some sausages, how many stamps is that?
Proper windy it were...
The Best Of: 27th January - 7th February 2020
Love parcel? No, love package...
The next show: Steve Allen on Ice!
A bunny with a problem...
Get your Rubik's Cube out!
What. A. Fibber!
Giclée
I'm always licking the lid!
He'd better go and get some water!
A national treasure trove!
With your tiny oranges, you flatter me ambassador!
Featherstonhaugh!
All aboard the Blossom Fincham!
The Best Of: 20th-24th January 2020
I'm size 11...
Number ten, Steve All-en!
A first for the Eddie Mair show *and* a first for the Steve Allen show!
The Steve Allen Secret London Guide
Agnes at the back with the triangle!
Once a bishop, always a bishop!
The Best Of: 13th-17th January 2020
Translator cow for rent...
Don't feed the pigeons!
What do you have in *your* wallet?
The Three Horsemen
Hurrah for Eccentricity!
The Ice Cream Mafia
The Best Of: 6th-10th January 2020
Saucy vegan?
I'm just like Mary Poppins, practically perfect..
Reaction to Breaking News in Iran
It's like Indiana Jones, Indiana Steve!
You miss halloumi? Don't worry she'll be back.
A no meat meatball?!
The Best Of: 30th December 2019 - 3rd January 2020
I can't do a Lincolnshire accent!
There you go - there I am!
It's a new year and a new decade on LBC
New Years Eve
Please leave me....
The Best Of: 23rd-27th December 2019
I had to drink champagne yesterday because I ran out of prosecco!
Boxing Day with Steve Allen
Christmas Day with Steve Allen
Is it too early for a Baileys?
What should Luke get his Grandma for Christmas?
What's in the Queen's handbag?
The Best Of: 16th-20th December 2019
Today's turning out to be a cracker of a day isn't it?!
A little bit worse for wear...
Shut the front door!
LBC - Listening Becomes Compulsive!
Don't buy presents for children!
I'm hoping there's another planet with better looking people...
The Best Of: 9th-12th December 2019
The 40th Anniversary Show
I have eaten Rudolph...
Oooooooh those roast potatoes look good!
Piscatorial and Chips...
The Best Of: 2nd-6th December 2019
A Steve Allen Christmas album, anyone?
Does the Queen sing the National Anthem?
Nut roast coming out of your ears!
Scaramanga has three nipples? How exciting!
Day-O, Day-O Daylight come and me wan' go home
There are no more calls unless you're Vladimir Putin!
The Best Of: 25th-29th November 2019
A chocolate mousse in the forest?
God knows I'm cheap...
Sugar free and a vegan!
I'm so glad you can't hear them!
The Rocky Mountaineer
... To kiss my Aunt goodnight
The Best Of: 18th-22nd November 2019
Nylon pants
You will comply. GET ON THE ROLLERCOASTER!
*They* wouldn't pinch an advent calendar would they?
I'm going to look all out of place here!
The tackier the better!
Pizza Express...
The Best Of: 11th-15th November 2019
A question for Paul McCartney...
He's got new teeth! It's like looking at piano keys...
My one and only encounter with Sooty...
AIBU - am I being unreasonable?
Hand-painted festive balls!
Don't be ridiculous you can't sue anyone... coming from Luton!
The Best Of: 4th-8th November 2019
But who would the village idiot be?
Monsoon Blast, Snowstorm, Conspirators of 1605, Mega 2000...
I do like a good lavatory brush
Steve Allen Sugar
My Happiest Moments Have Been With Cream
Only Ghouls and Hearses
The Best Of: 28th October-1st November 2019
Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month!
They've both got masks on... which to be honest improve their looks!
A toffee apple a day... keeps the dentist rubbing his hands together!
They use it now for storing cars!
I've never done a sunbed since...
Sometimes I'm able to go back to sleep and pick up where I left off!
The Best Of: 21st-25th October
Men who knit!
Corey probably goes to the hospital for a common cold!
I will not do that story!
Sand and everything in there - horrible!
Children Plummeting All Over the Place
The Best Of: 14th-18th October 2019
That's one chunky Charlie (bear)!
Escape to the Chateaoooooo
Stripping off to your Speedos
Does the Pope have lucky charms?
And that's the history of kebabs!
Who knew Belgium had a princess?
The Best Of: 11th-17th October 2019
A chocolate fountain, bags of crisps and a slush machine...
The War of the WAGs
Oliver Twist: an LBC adaptation - starring Tom Swarbrick and Nick Ferrari
The Throwback Show
Timbeeeeeeeeeeeer!
It was so cold you could pee an icicle...
The Best Of: 30th September-4th October 2019
The Tea Towel 2: Return of the Tea Towel
And I'm thinking "it's a rhinoceros...!"
Harry and Meghan go to war with the papers!
Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam etc.
My Rugby experience
Nick Ferrari has had his moobs done...
The Best Of: 23rd-27th September 2019
The Tea Towel
It's going to be one of those days today, isn't it?
Chips *always* beat hash browns!
Corey will never enter a gym. Never!
Theo Usherwood and his rotten Pepperami!
He was Possessed by a Dog!
The Best Of: 16th-20th September 2019
Dolphins are a bit rough aren't they?
Pirate Seamus the Black!
That's the one with the dreary wife...
How do you die in shoes?
It's blown all my papers all over the floor!
We think it was a Cockapoo...
The Best Of: 9th-13th September 2019
1.2kg of Brazilian eucalyptus!
Get rid!
Pantgate and a few very minor technical issues...
It'll make you go "wowowowowowow!"
Little dung beetles going "what the heck is this?!"
I Knew It Was You...
The Best Of: 2nd-6th September 2019
It was an owl sanctuary. Sounds like a hoot!
Wilko. No... Wilco? No! Wilko. Wilco...?
I promise it's not about politics!
It's served on a what?! Why?
This tea tastes like tarmac!
Ooh, I like a huff!
The Best Of: 26th-30th August 2019
Aficionado of a Wimpy Bender
The Steve Allen Cocktail Club
Alzheimers.org.uk and click on 'sign our letter'
Bake Off is back! and dirtier than ever!
Stevie may have been the best ever!
The Best Of: 19th-23rd August 2019
Or as I like to call it; death in a wrapper
That's a six hour round trip! Six! Hours!
Old, old, old, old clothes
Kilts are English?! Hahaha!
Marmite on...
And then we had tomato soup!
Goldfish can live for a very long time!
Being sarcastic in the morning, is so much more me!
Hippies were never cool!
Some of my favourite moments have occurred with a hot dog sausage...
We'll have two fish pies and do you watch pornography?
And we're back to haddock
The Best Of: 5th-9th August 2019
I certainly don't slide into anyone's DMs!
Her show is somehow worse than advertised...
Those Beers ARE sexist
He disguised himself as... what?!
I always wash my legs
Wash your mouth out...
The Best Of: 29th July-2nd August 2019
The point of the story is...
Pinch, punch & a kick!
Why would anyone ever go to a bureau de change?
Purple stem broccoli is rock hard
DO NOT TEXT IN YOUR FAVOURITE THEME TUNES
What would Amy Winehouse be like now? In a dreadful state one would imagine.
The Best Of: 22nd-26th July
Always be prepared before you visit Subway!
The truth about Michael Fabricant's hair...
I want all of the Gregg's foods!
A 100ft Seagull plucking Nessie from the Loch!
My future House
Polysexuality? Is that to do with a parrot?
The Best of: 15th-19th July 2019
But I thought tomatoes were good for you?!
Where did Zappy go?
I am the Number 1
Scented candles DO NOT mask fish odour (yes they do)
Sleeping for Hours!
I ended up on the roof in my pants!
The Best Of: 8th-12th July 2019
But Corey, your hair just looks the same!
Hello Mrs Matthews. Can Stuart come out to play?
I'll bring my washing round as well - she can do mine!
That's why God invented frozen mashed potato!
Chatting someone up in the supermarket
A whole camel. How big is their oven?!
Hair Spray!
My hanging baskets
Wimbledon Strawberries
Which Restaurant was it?
My Gym Session
Canvas Knickers
Pot Noodles
Glastonbury Festival
Stop touching your hair
I am the Insectocutioner!
Being single is great
There's something erotic about peanut butter!
the Best Of: 17th-21st June 2019
Seals don't sing!
Who would want to eat a duck's tongue?