All Episodes
Steve Allen - The Whole Show — 1999 episodes
Old Lynchy!
Pigs in blankets
i was traumatised
Yorkshire pudding lasagna
Cooking with gas
Go away you stalker
I hope they dont put sugar in it
What are you doing
I was weeing icicles
Don't go to bed smelling of fish & chips
Chicken and sweetcorn soup
There's dinosaurs around
Steve Allen Radio Royalty
I've got nothing on the computer!
Hats off to Mum
Chimpanzee on a high wire
Goblin Mode
Weatherspoons on the moon
Port and lemon
Squirty squirty cream, I love it
Steve Allen tartan
How lovely for a cat to win something
I love sucking an ice cube
Sweep squeaks
Unlucky Strike
Nobody eats gherkins now, do they?
Rice cake drone
The Calm After The Storm
How short is a short shower?
The stotty man
Introducing: Sweeney Talks...
Dogs listening to reggae? I think not.
Fake twiglets
The Hair & The Scare
That takes a little bit of biscuit
Greasy kebabs
Clotted cream in the blood
Badly made duvet
Equal Rights For Octopuses
Lettuce Rejoice
Mrs Tiggy Winkle
It was a dog show, poodles
Soup & Roll Evening
The pink brigade
He's fairly loud
The mash takeover
Pebble dashing
One pan cooking
The Chicken & The Egghead
There's no such thing as a healthy crisp
Global's Make Some Noise
A double bath with 2 steaks
I'm not wild about saunas
Cat food and chips
Number One In Heaven
That's my milk
Liquorice root baton
You're going to get deluged
A Singapore Sling
Under The Weather
On The Button
I do like a hot spike
Life is too short to stuff a mushroom
Seals are so dumb
That's a quick 12 quid
Cheddar's up
Crikey, that makes us feel old
Rule Brittania
A tribute to the Queen
Penny in the slot jobs
I never sussed out Noddy and Big Ears
I've seen pussycats surfing
Twist my arm and call me Susan
It wreaks havoc on your pearly whites
You still get vinyl junkies
Here comes the rain
He Has Become A Wet Lettuce
How Old Is The Lock Ness Monster now?
Your umbrella's dripping all over the place
Heinz hash browns with baked beans inside
You're quite right Noreen
Spiders
I'd hate to be an insect
I just fancied vanilla today
60s nothing nowadays!
Some Like It Hot
Rainy Days & Mondays
Plane talk
Weather Alert
He's just going to look like a complete and utter turnip
I hope you're not selling my beans!
Put it in the overhead locker or I'll shove you up there
Flush Puppies
Ready to socialise, expect stimulating encounters
I used to snore so much I'd wake myself up!
They leave here and go to bed, I leave here and go to Greggs
Nothing worse than beaky curtain twitchers
They've got dogs in Florida that sniff fruit
Fishing for bicycles every year
I've got every version of Goodbye, Mr Chips
They built me a tower
Cheese and biscuits
Frantic Friday
I do like a doughnut occasionally
I want meat in my sausage roll
It's a cheddar cheese muffin
Who wears fluorescent orange?
I look good as a baby
Ice
Drink Water!!
Heatwave
Stay Cool
I know! Sunday!
I know! Saturday!
Did you know that ladybirds bite?
I don't buy oranges I buy satsumas
Summer getaway
Murray OUT
I wanted a banana milkshake
Coming Soon: The Followers
The Super Soaker works well
Jane Fonda dancing with Osama bin Laden
Well I'm not sure if I want a pina colada
Clogs, yes clogs!
A fish called Rhondda
Sasquatch or what?
Who is Junior Andre?
The campest old queen you'd ever seen
Sorry, I was chatting and being gossipy
It's an ice cream crisis
Sex Kitten
The hokey pokey men
When you've gotta go, you've gotta go
I like Bounty bars
He was a bit of a wild boy
Sneaky Pete's
I want to go out with an alcoholic barman
Unexpected morons in the bagging area
So the pidgins die
Get your violin out pal
Cheap as chips.
Fast & Furious
If You Build It, They Will Come
Short Shrift
Light & Shade
Wet Wet Wet
The Long Good Friday
The Morning After
You Do The Maths
Withering Heights
Words and Pictures
I could do with a volcanic cone
What Do They Mean 'Hand Finished'?!
Every mouthful tastes the same.
The Poor Little Earth Angel
The Great Unwashed in my Pool.
Whales falling down
I've got balls that can take off now.
I'm For Sale On Ebay!
I'm Bored With Balls
Laughing All The Way To The Bank Holiday
The Voice of Crinkley Bottom
I don't know why I was in the Lorry
As If The Queen Has Ever Been In Bondage!
I Feel Like Mary Poppins
Salad Queen
Just makes your wee smell a bit.
I saw a little bit poking out.
We did it in our pants.
I was looking like Tarzan.
Google it you moron.
I love a cheap sausage.
I would do my whole body...
I Have Waddled Myself.
I Don't Remember The Scrunge...
Steve Allen: The Movie
The Key to Eternal Youth
Cher and Cher Alike
Warning: May Contain Nuts
Ode to June
Le Dessert du Jour
We've Forgotten About Poor Old Geronimo
I Love The Smell Of Tar...
Meat? Not In MY Ploughmans!
Smith, Sooty and Stevenson screens
Baby Jesus Shopping in Selfridges.
Feral Cats Everywhere!
I Can't Eat Big Shredded Wheat.
I'm Just Telling Them About My Strawberries!
The moon would've been preferable
BREAKING NEWS: Lions Are Big
Amazing Grace
Thank Goodness I Was Wearing Pants
You'll Believe Any Old Twaddle, Won't You?
Spring back, fall forward
Hello, have you seen my Llama?
My Kilo of Toffee!
I've Adopted An Ant.
Don't Show Me A Chicken Big Mac
I Love The World Pasty Championships
I Don't Do Posh Soups
A Limited Edition First Print Copy
Steve Allen, The Widow's Friend
The Bloke Eating Jaffa Cakes
But There's No Irish In Me
Steve's banana juice
A safe hand on the tiller
Just to prove how supple I am
Heavily edited
You can't harm them with a fruit gum
Blown away
Unborn babies love me
Cremated and put in an egg timer
Cheap Flowers Day
It Was A Cane
Too many bloomin' eggs
Down with the pensioners
Tinned burglars
Introducing 'Feast is Feast with Big Zuu'...
I like looking at bacon rolls
Immersed in haggis
The top ten things to do in Whitby
The excitement of having stents
Don't want you chomping at anything
I'm Grade-I listed
It's not the place you go to for spare ribs
It's So Steve Allen
Why don't they do squirty jam?
Very passé, walking is
Am I facing the right way?
We dreamed of stilts
A little bit of skin available
Loaded up on bacon
A seat for the dim one
Like a permanent takeaway
Do you know Steve Allen?
I won't argue about poppadoms
Bits of tooth coming out
Life-affirming pickled onions chat
Volcanoes are more human than we realise
The Queen's got a mouthful of teeth
Holding a Chocolate Teapot
I'm Rattling on a Good Day
A Great Bird Detractor
Ten Thousand Litres of Milk
Tunnel of Love
Happy New Year!
Bodies All Over The Place
Masquerading As A Punter
Nobody Rains On My Parade
No Such Thing As UFO's
And The Ring Is Where?
Boxing Day Brilliance
It's Christmas!
Scrooge Allen Just Doesn't Sound Right
You Don't Steal The Baby Jesus
30 Years To Go
Dickensian Menu
I just have a thing for glue!
They don't seem to make sausages in the morning
Shunned In The Playground
I'm Not Sharing With Slugs
Who Robs a Fish and Chip Shop?
Late night potato feast
Horses in Bethlehem
A Prize Package
Mr. Cucumber
Introducing Hunting Ghislaine: The Trial
I Like To Have A Little Squeeze
Just gnawing at a bone
Four Sneezes
We Already Discussed No Cabbage
Call Me Pump Number 2
Gourmet Popcorn
A Land Rover that looks like a rhinoceros
More Cheap Than Cheerful
Student Food
Bit Of A Surprise For The Commuters
Equally Vampirish
It sounds like he has laryngitis
Don't Feed It
I Ended Up With The Flugelhorn
The Bolsheviks Have A Lot To Answer For
We Like A Splash
Cruising is good fun
The Gravy Train
Lest We Forget
A Shortage of Santas
It's a Lobster
I Love Looking in Freezers
I Believe It's Called Topiary
Quelle Surprise On That One
Accidental Kitchen Alchemy
Don't engage with Americans
Synchronised Swimming
Wake Up and Smell the Lava
Suave Allen
Potatoes for Breakfast
Paying for petrol with Paddington
Hot and Spicy
A Toffee Apple Sausage
Length Beats Width
An Arty Pocket
Mittens and Kittens
An Empty Cardboard Box
Another Avenue of Pleasure Denied Me
Cold Feet, Hot Legs
Addicted To Flannels
I wonder if I'll get a plaque
A Bit Like Beatle-Mania
The Mafia Has Gone Woke
Get Your Woggle Out
I Always Fancied a Cockatiel
S-tea-ve tray Allen
Choir Boy Allen
Baseball Cap Aficionado
The Name's Allen, Steve Allen
A Lick and a Promise
Fuel-tile
New York, New York
Road to Ruin
What's good for the Goose
The Hose and the Hanging Baskets
Afternoon Tea
Mince Pie Virgin
100 Days Until Christmas
Irish Meat Market
Mini Cocktail Sausages
Santa firebombing your house
Paddington is a Born Leader
Lathered Up
Diamonds are forever
Battered Beef Burger
Break a leg, Matt
Caravan of Love
A Close Shave
Blackpool and Sat Navs
Cheap, Trashy Shoes
Bank Holiday Happenings
Circus Circus
Greek Food Eater
Cream Horns
Am I getting a tattoo?
What is BTS?
It's Raining?
Mound Zero
All Hands To The Pump
Avenue of Pleasure
Like a Tom Daley knitted jumper
Hadrian's Sprawl
What's The Goss?
Toe To Toe
Christmas Comes Early
To the polls
Introducing 'I've Been Thinking with Peter Frankopan'
I love my job
The wheels on the bus go round and round
I thought I'd haemorrhaged
Chesty Morgan
Free Britney
Barking up the wrong tree
Espresso Anyone?
UFOs, Aliens and Crop Circles
I've decided to go eight foot
Over the limit
Rather Nice Mice
Don't mess with Allen
Go Go Steve Allen
Early Morning Double Cheeseburgers!
Introducing 'If It Bleeds It Leads'
Mick Jagger's a Polly Pocket
How many holes?!
Shark vs croc
The Chipping Forecast
Richard Madeley's a vampire
Clamour for Concorde
Lets all go down the Strand and have a banana!
Go and chew on a lamppost
We found Jordan's bag!
Chocolate for breakfast
RIP William Shakespeare
Titanic tattlings
I'd rather have Cherry Genoa...
As mad as a toothbrush!
I think I move around quite well, actually!
Wash your veg?
Fairground Attractions
I keep missing my train!
Steve Allen and the Faulty Thermometer: Part Two
How VERY rude!
Dolly Parton for dinner
A basket full of foot-cream
We like the sea shanty
It's time for cyberwoman!
Christmas Steve!
Mariachi madness
Where on earth is Hartlepool?
Not just any old burgers
The eagle has landed!
I'm Steve Allen. No you're not!
Have you ever had your toes sucked?
All You Need is a Hot Buttered Crumpet
Just another magic Monday!
You've booked to go to the pub?!
We've got no news about The Cheeky Girls...
A chip butty!
Poisioned by water...
It hangs at the wrong level
Gnome Alone
I quite fancy a Hawaiian
Nobody sucks on a magnum, you fool!
One hour a week... for goodness sake!
Hot Crossed Buns
Light or shade
I can't hear you!
Hello commercial sweet cheeks!
That poor seal!
I can't believe it's been a year
Oh, you're gone!
I fancy a cantaloupe
I told you that horse would fall!
My balloons are looking quite well actually
It's my Birthday, and I just don't like Picasso, OKAY?!
A chicken kiev... IN A PIE!
I promise you, I'm not a hologram!
Welcome Home!
I've joined the teabag dunking revolution!
The food of love
I'm under so much pressure in this studio!
We used to suck icicles
I'm the giver of marriage advice!
The Society of Mustard Jumpers
I could be the GOAT
The Cultural Hub of the Universe
You better answer my questions!
A picture of zooming mullets
It's another light show today
If he picks up then we're all in trouble
Equal rights for snowmen
Tax and vax
It's like sitting on a hot rod...
And that's what's hot... and what's not
And I didn't scream anymore
Imagine me interviewing Elvis...
You wouldn't believe it but I mimed the entirity of Sunday's show!
Let's Hear It For The Boys
Super Singing Steve Allen!
The Groovy Gang Castle
Fancy a date with a pink lady?
Steve Allen: The Oracle of Leicester Square
Our jingle lady Miriam can play a MEAN fiddle!
Soaps on the ropes
Panang and Chips, Please
It's just like a skip on wheels
You're taking no prisoners today!
She knew exactly what I wanted!
If it's up, that's your business
Is it a tangerine?
Not that kind of Pleasure Beach
Cordin Bleurgh Bleurgh
I'm like Edna, the Inebriate Woman
The Frugal Allen Show
Leave the parakeets alone!
Steve Allen, the biggest everything!
It's not 'Love Island', it's the 'Very Sad Island'
Where was my knighthood?!
I don't even know what day it is!
Yoghurt and Prunes
"The Anonymous Poem"
Leave the chocolate...
Come and visit Steve Allen Land this Boxing Day (the gift shop's a treat!)
Steve Allen's Christmas Special
Happy Brexmas & Trexit
Where they deep-fry your grandmother
Sheperd's Pie for Breakfast
Does that mean you go out in your lingerie?
The Queen won't be queuing in the local clinic
We went underground...
KEVIN!
11 inches (of snow) before Christmas
The long awaited 14th of December extravaganza!
You dropped your baubles!
Don't squeeze the teabag!
We celebrate the life of Barbara Windsor
I gave you my last Rolo
How can you be allergic to Christmas?!
It's Steve Allen!
6 mince pies - 39p!
It IS my Jonathan!
Antiques Roadship
I always judge a place by their milkshakes...
He's doing fake Christmas?
It's a five egg omelette you know...
So they've stuck chicken in a doughnut...
Corn: It's in the name!
Meat-eaters and milk-drinkers, we rule the world...
Haven't you got a podcast to make?
It's that bloody nut roast!
I got the boys pickled onions!
I'm a vegan and about as trendy as a lamp post
It's like a trek over the alps with Hannibal
I could be the cheaper version of Cher...
Bib-iddy-bob-iddy-boo...
You'll hear this on the podcast tomorrow!
Leave the stags alone!
I only work with fat people
I was on a spacecraft with Robbie Williams
Introducing Hunting Ghislaine with John Sweeney
You need to up the ante with the personality...
Spam, Spam, Spam!
How many different types of bikes can we name?
If you're flexitarian, you grow hair!
I've met Father Christmas...
I'm back!!!
Honest as the days short...
Apple bobbing Longfellow...
Cheshire Cheese!
Lover of all things wonderful
Steve Allen's Groovy Gang prosecco glasses!
Reggie...Is that short for Reginald?
Steve Allen's toffee apple club!
Pumpkins in Leicester Square!
I do not want your pumpkin soup, thank you!
Deep fried mini mince pies
We woffed that door a bit!
Apple bobbing burgers dipped in batter!
Apparently this warrants a trip to Brighton!
Do they know about crème brûlée?
How do you cook a hedgehog?
All I had was a chocolate Father Christmas
If you've ever wondered what perfection sounds like...
Introducing "What Next?" with Lionel Barber
'Non-stick pan' - the clue is in the name!
If you don't like Christmas, you might be listening to the wrong show...
I will speak no further of the length of my bratwurst!
Do I look like I own a onesie?!
I'm a curtain twitcher
You have talking hips now do you?
£52 for a gym membership?!
I was never a football.
Fiver a month will come in very handy...
I'm the blueberry expert!
I like bunnies
President Trump tests positive for Coronavirus
Don't mess with the Allen!
What a mess of a debate that was!
'Legs Allen'
Can we find out how many calories in a foxes glacier mint?
They light up your life
Steve's steamer...
Locked into the spiciness...
Smell funghus...
Oh my godfathers...
I sarcophagus, you sarcophagus...
It will all end in tears
Little bit of a sexy kitten you are Steve...
I'm 39 on the radio and 66 in the hospital...
I'd love to live in the Heartbeat village
That's what I want: a Paddington Bear duffle coat
How many producers?!
A face like an inverted grapefruit
The flat cap of Britain?
We only had fish and chips back then... and we didn't even get the fish!
Bunch of lemons
Freshly squeezed, easily pleased!
I like the idea of being ‘scrutified’!
Ready made baked potatoes
The Best Of: 31st August - 4th September 2020
I'm there unscrewing the seat
Fish, chips and mushy peas... in Japan!
Name that creamy dessert!
Bubble blowing Father Christmas!
I REALLY want that chicken!
Don't wave it around, they'll all want one
The Best Of: 24th - 28th August 2020
We are now twinned with Barnsley!
I've got no idea I'm a lobster...
The feast of St. Bobble!
You'll miss me when I don't turn up on the train to Angelsey...
The old Allen brain!
Radio? What else are they going to call it!
The Best Of: 17th - 21st August 2020
Listen to a few home truths...
Homage to the Allen!
Of course I'm not going to cycle, I'm a celebrity...
He wants to go to Wales...
A statue of a turkey twizzler...
Who's the producer?!
The Best Of: 10th - 14th August 2020
I cannot get enough of riboflavin!
The perfect fish and chips...
Forty miles per hour and the size of a turkey...
How to eat a crumpet
I know the feeling...
The coming of the grape
The Best of: 3rd - 7th August 2020
You remember oscillating don't you?
A vegan sausage roll and salad?!
Lord Allen of Twickenham!
He's like the human dustbin...
I love a mooch around Halfords!
It will involve beans and giant frankfurters
The Best Of: 27th-31st July 2020
You're barred
When in Rome...
I can do anything in here! Just watch.
He's been doing Little Mix lyrics...
My tulips are dropping...
It's almost August!
The Best Of: 20th-24th July 2020
Masking for trouble
All the best TV theme tunes!
Swinging nuts around on the balcony...
There's a shilling for your troubles!
Steve Allen's laser disk player!
It’s either tight or tense, or loose or floppy...
The Best Of: 13th-17th July 2020
You can't beat a battered sausage
I fear for the wurst...
Solar butterflies bobbing along...
Is that 'double dip' again?!
Give us a toffee
It all goes downhill after 25
The Best Of: 6th - 10th July 2020
Have you got your bag yet?
I go to the gym for the frozen yogurt!
To dunk or not to dunk?!
I never joke about DIY it's my speciality!
I'll die at this microphone...
A wonderful way to water the plants
The Best Of: 29th June - 3rd July 2020
Buses with names on...
A vegan poem...
Steve Allen, it's like having wind...
You always get a good laugh out of a sea captain!
Why would aliens want to visit us?
It's getting cooler, and the snowflakes are out
The Best Of: 22nd-26th June
Jurgen Klopp? Looks like Steven Spielberg
Immense High Street shop nostalgia!
The biggest fish and chips you ever did see!
Poems that never quite made it...
The day we've all been dreading
Maybe we all eat too much
Steve launches his (Virtual) Live Show
Find me R2D2!
'From here it's 3 hours'... fantastic!
The Groovy Gang is back!
The Grand Reopening
I had a craving for cereal... fruit & fibre
The Best Of: 7th - 12th June 2020
It was just like Harry Potter!
Why can't I eat chips for breakfast?
Hello, I'm a horse with an extended neck!
Sea snakes are shy!
Prince Philip is talking to plants...
It's Sunday morning... which is nice.
The Best Of: 1st - 5th June 2020
The tote bag!
The Steve Allen impersonator!
I love a good weepy film!
Is Anne Robinson your vice?
Steve's golden Wensleydale...
Never believe a farm shop!
The Best Of: 25th - 29th May 2020
Mary Poppins became Mary Poppouts...
Me and the page 3 girls!
Have you ever had a banana on a barbecue?
I could open up a restaurant based on double cream...
Pull the cracker, oooh it's a P45!
Poo pooo bee dooo!
The Best Of: 17th - 22nd May 2020
Marmite... in gravy?!
That's it. You are barred from the show.
Her hair is stapled on her head!
My memorial plaque will be kept in this studio... along with my body!
Toilet roll with my face on it...
There's no budget for the orchestra!
The Best Of: 10th - 15th May 2020
Fly me to the moon!
A ghost dwarf is haunting the British Museum!
What about the ants and plants that see you naked? They've probably gone into shock!
Joe Swash's hair?! It comes out a can or something...
Two-hundred-and-twenty quid for a fake willy?!
Okay, let's ramp it up a bit ...
The Best Of: 3rd - 8th May 2020
Models use hemerrhoid creams under their eyes!
Queen Victoria? Little fat so-and-so... She was enormous!
Paddington Bear's hot, Paddington's really hot...
That's not her ego ... that's her bottom!
Gravy and tonic!
He's a fat, tubby tyrant ... who's come back from the dead!
The Best Of: 27th April - 1st May 2020
Come here Bullseye!
The biggest spotty dog you ever did see!
I've often invited UFOs to land in Trafalgar Square!
Prince Philip snores like a rhinoceros!
The crocodiles are there doing their nails...
Methuselah Bottle
The Best Of: 20th - 24th April 2020
Salt flakes, what are they?!
My name's Stephen, I'm taking care of this bank robbery...
You want an 80/20 wool mixture...
I don't sit in a doughnut for anybody...
A sweet smelling super soaker...
I wish I had two birthdays....
The Best Of: 13th - 17th April 2020
Slide in a bit of news...
Steve Allen's a fungi!
Auntie Elsie, you're melting!
I'm Steve Allen Titchmarsh!
A viennetta on a stick?!
Happy Easter Sunday!
The Best Of: 6th - 10th April 2020
Equal rights for mushrooms!
Automatic milking!
Hate mail from Bolton!
Boris, we are all rooting for you.
I'm beginning to look like a cross between Art Garfunkel and orphan Annie!
Playin' chess with his pets?!?
The Best Of: 30th March - 3rd April 2020
The Steve Allen rubber glove show!
A vegan umlaut!
I'm like a Jackie Chan movie all by myself!
I think my glasses make me desperately attractive...
Have you seen the people in Alaska?!
Who's got a talking umbrella?
The Best Of: 23rd - 27th March 2020
Oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah, even Steve knows!
Mr Motivator!
My artisan bread, my artisan toaster and my artisan butter!
A public service broadcast about cats!
Where do you stick your thermometer?
Chocolate Body Paint
The Best Of: 16th March - 20th March 2020
You're not going out looking like that!
Bottoms Up!
We're all about piñatas!
Steve Allen's Birthday!
E-I-E-I-O...
2 pairs of Pants = £12
If I can dream... of flyin'.
What is it about rabbits anyway?
Don't question the size of my coconuts, thank you
Riddle me this!
Murky Monday V: The Supermoon Special
Andrew, the Thief!
The Best Of: 2nd March - 6th March 2020
A West End Wendy!
Fumbling around in the dark!
I couldn't resist it!
TVs, washing machines, vacuum cleaners, bedding, clothing, sweets, meat, cakes, fruit, booze etc.
Coming soon: The LBC Naked Calendar
Singin' in the rain
The Best Of: 24th-28th February 2020
Wild horses could not drag me away from this show!
Multicoloured and full of bird seed!
I should have brought vol-au-vents
No.1 Programme (ever) in the English-speaking world.
I don't believe in crop circles
Don't cross the Queen
The Best Of: 17th February - 21st February 2020
A special one off podcast!
Cheerio...I'm speaking into the sponge.
Yes I know the muffin man
Psychic Steve and the specter of the french onion man
This is primarily an educational programme...
An ocean of prosecco!
The Best Of: 10th February - 14th February 2020
I haven't received any Valentines cards!
Mornington Croissant!
You might not hear this next joke...
A Sloppy Joe looks like a right mess!
I've bought some sausages, how many stamps is that?
Proper windy it were...
The Best Of: 27th January - 7th February 2020
Love parcel? No, love package...
The next show: Steve Allen on Ice!
A bunny with a problem...
Get your Rubik's Cube out!
What. A. Fibber!
Giclée
I'm always licking the lid!
He'd better go and get some water!
A national treasure trove!
With your tiny oranges, you flatter me ambassador!
Featherstonhaugh!
All aboard the Blossom Fincham!
The Best Of: 20th-24th January 2020
I'm size 11...
Number ten, Steve All-en!
A first for the Eddie Mair show *and* a first for the Steve Allen show!
The Steve Allen Secret London Guide
Agnes at the back with the triangle!
Once a bishop, always a bishop!
The Best Of: 13th-17th January 2020
Translator cow for rent...
Don't feed the pigeons!
What do you have in *your* wallet?
The Three Horsemen
Hurrah for Eccentricity!
The Ice Cream Mafia
The Best Of: 6th-10th January 2020
Saucy vegan?
I'm just like Mary Poppins, practically perfect..
Reaction to Breaking News in Iran
It's like Indiana Jones, Indiana Steve!
You miss halloumi? Don't worry she'll be back.
A no meat meatball?!
The Best Of: 30th December 2019 - 3rd January 2020
I can't do a Lincolnshire accent!
There you go - there I am!
It's a new year and a new decade on LBC
New Years Eve
Please leave me....
The Best Of: 23rd-27th December 2019
I had to drink champagne yesterday because I ran out of prosecco!
Boxing Day with Steve Allen
Christmas Day with Steve Allen
Is it too early for a Baileys?
What should Luke get his Grandma for Christmas?
What's in the Queen's handbag?
The Best Of: 16th-20th December 2019
Today's turning out to be a cracker of a day isn't it?!
A little bit worse for wear...
Shut the front door!
LBC - Listening Becomes Compulsive!
Don't buy presents for children!
I'm hoping there's another planet with better looking people...
The Best Of: 9th-12th December 2019
The 40th Anniversary Show
I have eaten Rudolph...
Oooooooh those roast potatoes look good!
Piscatorial and Chips...
The Best Of: 2nd-6th December 2019
A Steve Allen Christmas album, anyone?
Does the Queen sing the National Anthem?
Nut roast coming out of your ears!
Scaramanga has three nipples? How exciting!
Day-O, Day-O Daylight come and me wan' go home
There are no more calls unless you're Vladimir Putin!
The Best Of: 25th-29th November 2019
A chocolate mousse in the forest?
God knows I'm cheap...
Sugar free and a vegan!
I'm so glad you can't hear them!
The Rocky Mountaineer
... To kiss my Aunt goodnight
The Best Of: 18th-22nd November 2019
Nylon pants
You will comply. GET ON THE ROLLERCOASTER!
*They* wouldn't pinch an advent calendar would they?
I'm going to look all out of place here!
The tackier the better!
Pizza Express...
The Best Of: 11th-15th November 2019
A question for Paul McCartney...
He's got new teeth! It's like looking at piano keys...
My one and only encounter with Sooty...
AIBU - am I being unreasonable?
Hand-painted festive balls!
Don't be ridiculous you can't sue anyone... coming from Luton!
The Best Of: 4th-8th November 2019
But who would the village idiot be?
Monsoon Blast, Snowstorm, Conspirators of 1605, Mega 2000...
I do like a good lavatory brush
Steve Allen Sugar
My Happiest Moments Have Been With Cream
Only Ghouls and Hearses
The Best Of: 28th October-1st November 2019
Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month!
They've both got masks on... which to be honest improve their looks!
A toffee apple a day... keeps the dentist rubbing his hands together!
They use it now for storing cars!
I've never done a sunbed since...
Sometimes I'm able to go back to sleep and pick up where I left off!
The Best Of: 21st-25th October
Men who knit!
Corey probably goes to the hospital for a common cold!
I will not do that story!
Sand and everything in there - horrible!
Children Plummeting All Over the Place
The Best Of: 14th-18th October 2019
That's one chunky Charlie (bear)!
Escape to the Chateaoooooo
Stripping off to your Speedos
Does the Pope have lucky charms?
And that's the history of kebabs!
Who knew Belgium had a princess?
The Best Of: 11th-17th October 2019
A chocolate fountain, bags of crisps and a slush machine...
The War of the WAGs
Oliver Twist: an LBC adaptation - starring Tom Swarbrick and Nick Ferrari
The Throwback Show
Timbeeeeeeeeeeeer!
It was so cold you could pee an icicle...
The Best Of: 30th September-4th October 2019
The Tea Towel 2: Return of the Tea Towel
And I'm thinking "it's a rhinoceros...!"
Harry and Meghan go to war with the papers!
Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam etc.
My Rugby experience
Nick Ferrari has had his moobs done...
The Best Of: 23rd-27th September 2019
The Tea Towel
It's going to be one of those days today, isn't it?
Chips *always* beat hash browns!
Corey will never enter a gym. Never!
Theo Usherwood and his rotten Pepperami!
He was Possessed by a Dog!
The Best Of: 16th-20th September 2019
Dolphins are a bit rough aren't they?
Pirate Seamus the Black!
That's the one with the dreary wife...
How do you die in shoes?
It's blown all my papers all over the floor!
We think it was a Cockapoo...
The Best Of: 9th-13th September 2019
1.2kg of Brazilian eucalyptus!
Get rid!
Pantgate and a few very minor technical issues...
It'll make you go "wowowowowowow!"
Little dung beetles going "what the heck is this?!"
I Knew It Was You...
The Best Of: 2nd-6th September 2019
It was an owl sanctuary. Sounds like a hoot!
Wilko. No... Wilco? No! Wilko. Wilco...?
I promise it's not about politics!
It's served on a what?! Why?
This tea tastes like tarmac!
Ooh, I like a huff!
The Best Of: 26th-30th August 2019
Aficionado of a Wimpy Bender
The Steve Allen Cocktail Club
Alzheimers.org.uk and click on 'sign our letter'
Bake Off is back! and dirtier than ever!
Stevie may have been the best ever!
The Best Of: 19th-23rd August 2019
Or as I like to call it; death in a wrapper
That's a six hour round trip! Six! Hours!
Old, old, old, old clothes
Kilts are English?! Hahaha!
Marmite on...
And then we had tomato soup!
Goldfish can live for a very long time!
Being sarcastic in the morning, is so much more me!
Hippies were never cool!
Some of my favourite moments have occurred with a hot dog sausage...
We'll have two fish pies and do you watch pornography?
And we're back to haddock
The Best Of: 5th-9th August 2019
I certainly don't slide into anyone's DMs!
Her show is somehow worse than advertised...
Those Beers ARE sexist
He disguised himself as... what?!
I always wash my legs
Wash your mouth out...
The Best Of: 29th July-2nd August 2019
The point of the story is...
Pinch, punch & a kick!
Why would anyone ever go to a bureau de change?
Purple stem broccoli is rock hard
DO NOT TEXT IN YOUR FAVOURITE THEME TUNES
What would Amy Winehouse be like now? In a dreadful state one would imagine.
The Best Of: 22nd-26th July
Always be prepared before you visit Subway!
The truth about Michael Fabricant's hair...
I want all of the Gregg's foods!
A 100ft Seagull plucking Nessie from the Loch!
My future House
Polysexuality? Is that to do with a parrot?
The Best of: 15th-19th July 2019
But I thought tomatoes were good for you?!
Where did Zappy go?
I am the Number 1
Scented candles DO NOT mask fish odour (yes they do)
Sleeping for Hours!
I ended up on the roof in my pants!
The Best Of: 8th-12th July 2019
But Corey, your hair just looks the same!
Hello Mrs Matthews. Can Stuart come out to play?
I'll bring my washing round as well - she can do mine!
That's why God invented frozen mashed potato!
Chatting someone up in the supermarket
A whole camel. How big is their oven?!
Hair Spray!
My hanging baskets
Wimbledon Strawberries
Which Restaurant was it?
My Gym Session
Canvas Knickers
Pot Noodles
Glastonbury Festival
Stop touching your hair
I am the Insectocutioner!
Being single is great
There's something erotic about peanut butter!
the Best Of: 17th-21st June 2019
Seals don't sing!
Who would want to eat a duck's tongue?
Steve Allen saves the English language
It's international Picnic Day! And I just HATE Gherkins...
The Love Island Models
Phnom Penh to Bangkok... by bus!
What a strange Mug
Ozzy Boy is back
Toxic Waste's are gross
Ice Cream!
Skinny Jeans are a nightmare!
Marvellous draught excluders!
the Best Of: 3rd-7th June 2019
The Bird Song!
75th Anniversary of D-DAY
Me, My Team and Spikers
The Trump Haircut
My take on Love Island
Healing hands for ailing dogs
The Best Of: 27th-31st May 2019
Many thanks to Producer Chris
The Flying Scotsman is heading my way!
My toothbrush must be magic
Wait 'til you hear what I've finally learned this morning
We didn't have doughnuts in my day
He has a look about him that’s like haunted tupperware
The Best Of: 20th-24th May 2019
The Steve Allen Flower Show
When you've got to go, you've got to go
I'm sad for Jamie Oliver too
SPOILER kills SPOILER and SPOILER wins the Game of Thrones - and I couldn't care less
It is not a Noddy car. It is a real car!
Robert Dyas is the most fantastic shop in the world
The Best Of: 13th-17th May 2019
My car doesn't have a name - and he never will either
Hot tubs? How posh!
We had an pacific amount of people telling us about bad pronounciations today
Day-time TV shows will cancel 'freak show' guests en masse now
My god the age gap has widened alarmingly!
I'm an Aston Villa fan
The Best Of: 6th-10th May 2019
Why don't American's like our food?
Fiver says we stop talking about Archie by Monday
I'm surprisingly good at flower arranging
I'm proud to announce that the royal baby will be called "Nissan Juke"
Men. Should. Not. Wear. Sandals.
We're Straight Sandwiches, we don't hang out with gay sandwiches
The Best Of: 29th April-3rd May 2019
The Theo Usherwood Fan Club is going weak at the knees!
I learnt about THAT rudely-named Austrian village this morning
Gather round the Maypole!
What a shameless cheapskate!
Surely you knew E.T.'s spaceship was real?
Nuns on rollerskates
The Best Of: 22nd-26th April 2019
Shut up Dough Boy, or back in the packet you go!
Pigeon's are just not worth protecting
We've decided that Maidstone United is the OFFICIAL football team of the Steve Allen Show
There is only one way to order your bank notes
The Donkey was HOW big?!
And what actually HAPPENED on Easter Sunday?
The Best Of: 15th-19th April 2019
How do you not know what a Jelly Belly is?!
Why you should never try chocolate body paint
How to pay for the Notre Dame repairs: sell bits of burnt wood!
I've got a fair idea why someone might have a problem with a Polski Sklep
I didn't realise I was allowed to say these words! How exciting!
More excuses for celebrities to get their kit off
Scottish cash is as worthless as Monopoly money
The black hole sounds as bleak as the Jordan lookalikes
Always road-test them on the first date!
It's a very holy morning, apparently
So why ARE Black Cabs exempt from the ULEZ charge?
Did you know Bob Holness played James Bond?
The Best Of: 1st-5th April 2019
Uri Geller can't bend spoons and he can't bend pipes either
Flaunt those shiny heads!
There are really still people called Alf?!
I promise not to use this glue to stick my naked body to any windows
It'll only tell me the time - but I'm tempted
Wooden Groin
The Best Of: 25th-29th March 2019
I don't wear a bra at night either
Short, sweet and (mostly) B-word free
Early morning ice cream
Of course you can wash yourself with a bucket
Save money on the gym and just walk upstairs!
No I will not hand him the microphone!
Humpty Dumpty was a Creme Egg
Whistle while you work
I've uncovered a big fraud - he's as Scottish as I am!
Apparently people seem to think I'm 65...
The Best Of: 11th-15th March 2019
Today was an upsetting show - as news came in from New Zealand
Ladies Day was as classless as usual, then
All wasps must die
It's Eggsit Day: poached or coddled?
The Kayla Allen Show
Did she even have a baby? Who knows?!
The Best Of: 4th-8th of March 2019
No, I really WASN'T expecting it!
My milkshake brings all the Spikers to the yard
The Steve Allen Cookbook: spam on Mondays...
'Tis the Festival of St Pancake
Sploff, spluff, sploof, splöf... We do ALL the regional dialects
Lemon and sugar
The Best Of: 25th February-1st March 2019
Why David Lammy is spot on about Comic Relief
Nudist beaches-not for me thank you!
Are launderettes really dying out?
The Year of the Begonia
This has to be a new low for Scottish Boy
Why is it called Shag?
The Best Of: 19th-22nd February 2019
THAT many fish fingers - and I'm not even ashamed
How will the world's richest cat spend her fortune?
Our two topics for today: the ISIS bride and Creme Eggs
Such fond memories of school
You all seem as sceptical about the ISIS bride's claims as I am
Lord Save Us From Gregg Wallace
The Best Of: 11th-15th February 2019
It seems most of you agree with me - no, she CANNOT come back
If you're lonely today, there's probably a good reason for that
Guess what I've got...!
You're all obsessed with keyless cars... Go away!
Why I don't bother going to the cinema
The lame leading the lame on that one.
The Best Of: 4th-8th February 2019
Driving lessons with Mr Moyles?
There are people out there who impersonate beggars... Sickening
Of course there's a different view each morning!
Crisps in soup? Disgusting!
Live from the middle lane
Warwick's Naked Rowers...
The Best Of: 28th January-1st February 2019
Thank you very much, we've had enough of the snow
Valentine's Day - the most wasteful day of the year!
Danny Dyer SHOULD NOT have a game show
It's my cake! Mine!
The GC hits the ice... Literally!
Kelly Brook has slightly better attributes than I have
The Best Of: 21st-25th January 2019
Clan takeover
The snowflakes are tumbling in force this morning
It seems we hand out awards to convicts, now
I'm sick of the publicity-seeking over this crash now
Someone has nicked the moon!
Do you think the Chinese have time for that?
The Best Of: 14th-18th January 2019
You've given me a bunch of reasons to stay in London
The other kinds of snowflake are on the way
Can I get through the whole show without saying the B-word?
Scottish Boy has REALLY done it now!
The Steve and Siri Show
I did it about 20 times yesterday whilst I was watching television
The Best Of: 7th-11th January 2019
I drive a what, now?!
Basil? Thyme? Who knows?
Our word of the day is 'eskimo'
Today's challenge: don't fall asleep before 7am
It's very nearly showtime
Strawberry Blonde He Claims...
The Best Of: 31st December 2018-4th January 2019
I've been contacted by the best troll yet
Soup of the day
You won't believe these lies from Scottish Boy
New year, same Steve
Lee Ryan doesn't care about you
If she's on the tequila, she'll last about an hour.
The Best Of: 24th-28th December 2018
It's Friday!
I've had After Eights for Breakfast.
What did you get for Christmas? I got a willy warmer....
Cucumber infused water??
Steve Allen - The Whole Show - 24 Dec 18
I'm surrounded by fat boys!
The Best Of: 17th-21st December 2018
Things are droning on and on and on at Gatwick!
Woman? People? Woman? People?
Who's up for a trip to Stevenage?
Why SHOULDN'T Thomas Markle want to see his own daughter?
I've got a new pass! Oh the excitement!
Jamie Oliver brought me mince pies...
The Best Of: 10th-14th December 2018
The GC and Arg are doing WHAT?! Eurgh!
Who wants to broadcast from the lingerie store?
The names Allen, Steve Allen
Season's greetings from Steve Allen, 39
I have the voice of an angel and that's that
Squirty Cream
The Best Of: 5th-7th December 2018
THAT break up
Haggis? Nah - I'll stick to toast, thanks
You tip the bin men how much?!
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: Can a triple child murderer ever be rehabilitated?
Matt Stadlen in for Steve Allen: Why don't we target middle class drug users to cut gang crime?
Sometimes I'm so talented I don't know what accents I'm doing.
The Best Of: 26th-30th November 2018
Kara-no-ke
Who needs Brexit chat when you've got facts about marmalade
Steve Allen: The Movie - coming soon to a cinema far from you
Why llamas are disgusting creatures
I never ****ing swear!
Prince Charles loves red squirrels. He names them...
The Best Of: 19th-23rd November 2018
Could I buy an aircraft carrier?
Only 1 in 200 of you still use soap
Let me introduce you to a man called Jim
I'm pleased that I'm not in the papers myself, this morning
It isn't even a little bit funny
I could listen to this all day, I really could.
The Best Of: 12th-16th November 2018
Some woman called Theresa is coming in to LBC later
I learnt a lot about the number 48 this morning
You know things are serious when Theo pops in
What do 'lozenge', 'syringe' and 'range' have in common?
Today's lonely lorry driver will accept neon lights - one day
You won't find anyone butcher than Andrew Castle
The Best Of: 5th-9th November 2018
I'm a pigeon racist, apparently
You Brits abroad love your follow-on milk!
These thugs are giving vegans a bad name
Portion of chips, anyone?
5 days of Bonfire night is too much!
If you have it all the time, you're not going to get that excited.
The Best Of: 29th October-2nd November 2018
Some of your first crushes are rather... predictable
It's impossible to explain why, but liver is quite tasty
It doesn't take much for a song to get banned
Those generic BBC spokespeople are being kept busy again
Better get out those leg warmers!
Is everyone off to Bruges all of a sudden?
The Best Of: 22nd-26th October 2018
Melinda Messenger still has a career? As what?!
Big feet doesn't mean big ...
Toys and 'Toys'
What can vegans eat?
This is the week when the weather gets cold
Mince pies.
The Best Of: 16th-19th October 2018
What DOES the Lame one do?
We're all still measuring our fingers
So you take clothes off and then put other clothes on... Why?!
I had a special new producer today
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: What should be done with Anjem Choudary?
Have you ever cooked fish in the dishwasher?
The Best Of: 8th-12th October 2018
Eugenie might blow away... Eamonn will ensure the cake doesn't
Puppets aren't gay
The boss is in for a shock later
Will they be serving peanuts at the wedding?
It's a very special day here at LBC
For some reason you have to wear a flat cap every time you visit to Yorkshire
The Best Of: 1st-5th October 2018
It's all only made possible by you
Look what I found down the back of the sofa...
What the internet was invented for
She may be the face I can't forget
Is anyone going to tip me? Thought not.
Milk.
The Best Of: 24th-28th September 2018
You'll be singing this new song all weekend
I've been sent something rather special
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: How would Corbyn's economic plans change Britain?
What IS that you've got up there, Dave?
I never got a badge
What a funny thing to fall out your trousers!
The Best Of: 17th-21st September 2018
I've learnt far too much about certain medical procedures today
That's how you do it, Pete
More visions of that big win - so it must be coming soon!
It's back - get your tickets now!
Keep the bucket close by...
Bye Bye Big Brother!
The Best Of: 10th-14th September 2018
What does Elton buy from John Lewis (and Partners)?!
What about MY daily routine, Marky Mark?
Exciting things to do on holiday
The animal breed that's really quite racist (oh, and she dies)
Half-marathon? Yeah right...
Do you eat the skin?
The Best Of: 3rd-7th September 2018
I found out some very sad news during the programme
My friend does something quite odd with old tyres
I hope it's especially windy around the producer's house
I don't care how you make your cream teas
All I want is an electric tape dispenser... Oh, and a Phantom
What did Thomas the Tank Engine ever do?
The Best Of: 27th-31st August 2018
Our cat hated us and I've come to accept that
Whoever they are, sack them!
Where is that bloomin' article?
Seven-day Steve
Some of you lazy people get a day off work
Freeze Dried Pets
Move over Nick Ferrari...
I?m Steve Allen, Mr Approachable
Steve Allen's Little Bit Extra
Dame Edna was a bloke in drag???
How many hoovers do I have?
Do all Koalas have chlamydia?
Earlier I shared some watermelon with Zora Suleman...
We say a little prayer for you
10-4, good buddy!
My name is Steve and I'm a hoarder
Please declare yourselves for my gay pie-chart now
Bring on the rain
Chicken Chicken Crumble
Let it rain on Twickenham this weekend
It's D-Day
The misery is finally over
We gave away a very special prize this morning
The next reggae joke earns a ban
I was disappointed in the raspberry ripple
Don't dare go out today
Ouch! That's sharp!
You're earning WHAT?
Do not pass go, do not collect £200
Trips abroad? Staycations? Nah, maybe not...
Matt Stadlen's had his car towed.
Shall I just climb into the fridge today?
Anyone for an ice cream?
The big question of the day: does the Waterloo station Burger King have a window?
Whoever is controlling the thermostat, turn it down now please
You'll have to rip the hosepipe out of my cold, dead hands
I've always got ten bottles of water in the fridge
Enjoy Frisky Friday, Spikers!
Well done Cliff
"Nice to see you again"?! Sod off!
The water is apparently being reserved for the South - and rightly so
Coming soon: Twickenham spaceport
Llama goats pigs sheep and horses.
Who will turning up for the big anti-Trump march? He won't be there!
I might start doing naked pics and putting them online
I don't care if it's coming home or coming out, frankly
Well I did tell you to watch Boris...
Mrs Usherwood, look what you've done!
Seaweed is cabbage, did you know that?
Let those bunnies alone
Keep quiet about my free water dispenser, please
Esther, please stop that immediately
Do I LOOK like I go to discount shops?
When I was a Boy Scout, I learnt to... erm...
He had a little tiny one. And mine was big. Made a lovely noise when you started it up.
I'll need the weekend just to recover from THAT question
I care even less about tonight's match than I do about the tacky old WAGs
A pint of blood? That's very nearly an arm!
Jamie Oliver can't dance
Another one here....
Aberdonians are mean
£1.5million, you say?
I had no idea so many of you are so common
A requiem for good manners
From Harry Kane to D.A.L. O'Brien, every day is a school day
I can exclusively reveal I won't be taking over Question Time
Gemma Atkinson: was ex-Hollyoaks, now ex-everything
People of St. John's Wood - I am watching you
How violent was YOUR teacher?
I promise never to wear shorts ever again
Are there any leftovers from Trump and Kim's big lunch?
Harry and Meghan are working about as hard as the Beckhams
Her wild partying ways have got out of hand. As has her face...
Like it or not, the high street is dead and Amazon will only get stronger
I'm getting tired of talking about people I've known dying
It's all a bit muggy, really
I can barely remember last week, let alone being two years old
Find me a Wimpy!
You're supposed to leave her a tip when you leave the toilet.
The tale of the little boy who couldn't get on the bus
This bunch going onto Love Island seem intelligent...
I'm pleased for David Copperfield this morning
8485-No
I'm so pleased I can see Kylie so well now
Loch Ness Monster
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: How fair is it to restrict where smokers can light up more?
The phone in the studio is haunted!
They turned up for you, Dale
It's Dale's day
If you thought it was all over, I've got some bad news
Was there a wedding yesterday?
Did you know there's a wedding on tomorrow?
Our word of the day: up
The Markles: coming soon to a TV near you, I suspect
This wedding isn't going well, is it?
The Royal couple need a picnic basket, that should be obvious
Have I made the Rich List? Find out here!
Roll up, roll up, for the 4am Spike!
It hasn't been the easiest few weeks, really
The brakes on the bus go down and down
Adele is oh-so-classy
Fancy a cuppa? In THIS heat?!
Shorts should be banned from the work place
Hardly anyone bothered voting again
Bless the royals with their cutsie titles
No, of course it won't be Mark Wright taking over
This Dorothy sure is popular
Ruddy hell - she's finally gone
Get ready for the LBC morris dancers
I'm not saying Kim Jong-un is gay or anything...
It's a celebrity chefs special!
I'm off to find some asparagus now
Woman has baby
I now know Ian Botham a little too well
I'm not sure the Queen would have enjoyed Shaggy
One newspaper has misquoted me quite badly this morning
I was as shocked as the rest of you
Give one of Eddie's lorries a big wave on his big day
I'm off to take a tablet and see what happens
Harry's got a job - but what is it?
She's got pork chops under there!
Don't mention the date!
Why didn't they tell us the big strip-off wasn't for charity in the first place?
I didn't want to be naked on the beach...
I wonder what underpants Prince Phillip wears...
Ohhhhhh I'm just sick of these April showers
Coleen on Strictly? Why?
I?ve got that Friday feeling!
The Steve Allen Show: The program your mother gave birth to you for!
Kay Burley might have a great new co-host on Sky News very soon
I drove a car as a child as well - and I didn't crash it either
So what is Easter Monday all about anyway?
Happy Easter!
The Best of Steve Allen - 26th-30th March 2018
Life is too short to waste time collecting coupons
Guess the word: a fun game to fill Julian Assange's empty days
One senior police officer has really taken the biscuit
Meet LBC's new cricket expert
Spend a day on the buses around Twickenham for an experience like no other
I've started dreaming about Clive Bull, help
The Best of Steve Allen - 19th-23rd March 2018
The doctor wants to see me for 20 minutes... Uh-oh
Who fancies a party in my new Swiss chalet?
How about Cheryl and Dec then?
Steve and Dec has a ring to it, don't you think?
I'm no closer to working out what sort of cat I want
Gigi, if you're listening Sweatpea, try to get him to wear butch clothes
The Best of Steve Allen - 12th-16th February 2018
Will you still need me, will you still feed me?
Did I have fun in Waitrose the other day...!
I'm afraid I didn't understand a word that the late Prof Hawking wrote
Theresa, say something nice about Vlad, quick!
Comedy legend Sir Ken Dodd dies, aged 90
Ian Payne is in for Steve Allen
The Best of Steve Allen - 5th-8th March 2018
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: Has Trump tamed Kim after all?
Marr-le-bone? Marry-le-bone? Let's call the whole thing... Baker Street
If you see my missing guest, please hand him in to lost property
Russian spies are targeting the Spike now!
I'm so pleased for Gary Oldman
The Best of Steve Allen - 26th February-2nd March 2018
There are a lot of sore heads at Global Towers this morning
Snow AND a storm? Is this REALLY necessary?
NOW it's snowing
Guess what? Still no snow here!
Stop lying - it isn't snowing
It's a Creme Egg - not Cream. Obviously.
The Best of Steve Allen - 19th-23rd February 2018
Get your sledges ready - snow is coming
Stop boring me with the curling now, please
Anna, unless you absolutely need them, take the dark glasses off please
The KFC shortage will be a disaster for one TV host
Some lions do sound quite camp
What is a fruit brush?
The Best of Steve Allen - 12th-16th February 2018
My bed cost more than that - and what of it?
Dr Johnson was so right
He's being injected with WHAT?!
I think I've had enough of charity shops now
Unfortunately for one listener this morning, I'm not a dating agency
Yes you're getting beheaded, but we'll get you drunk first
The Best of Steve Allen - 5th-9th February 2018
Am I the rudest man on radio?!
I'm spending the entire day listening to our Eurovision entry
Go on Loose Women, ask Andrex about that tour down under!
Don't bother buying tickets for the big draw tonight
My next life sounds quite dull
Could a vegan please tell me what they put in their sandwiches?
The Best of Steve Allen - 29th January-2nd February 2018
Details of how you can book Ann Widdecombe for your evening entertainment
Does anyone want to play kiss chase with me next month?
People laud my pancake-preparing abilities all the time
How Sir David Attenborough ruined my dinner
It's nearly time to prepare those baskets
Orange County, Beverly Hills, New York - I love all the Real Housewives
The Best of Steve Allen - 22nd-26th January 2017
Bowls: is it just a load of balls?
I just can't understand why kids should lose out from a dodgy charity do
Good news: the festive season ISN'T over
We've all been saying Eugenie's name wrong, apparently
Doesn't everyone imagine what they look like dead?
Five thousand a night? I don?t think so
The Best of Steve Allen - 15th-19th January 2018
Global's Naked Calendar: coming soon
I'm really not that bothered about the Bayeux Embroidery
Angel Delight is back... again
Please hold on - the show is about start
50 Shades of Green
I'm off to the panto later!
The Best of Steve Allen - 8th-12th January 2018
Non-entities axed from reality show you don't watch anyway
My life is one long search for a toilet
James O'Brien's car
I want to jazz up train announcements
Lychees: the Scottish Viagra
It's veneer for me when I go, and I'm coming back to haunt you all
The Best of Steve Allen - 1st-5th January 2018
More fake news about the Titanic
Postie Pat and their pet of unidentified colours
Ferne, care to explain this one to us?
Louise, you won't pull at G-A-Y...
Happy New Year!
Do yourself a favour and stay in this New Years Eve, I am
The Best of Steve Allen 25th-29th December 2017
Kangaroo Milk....
I smell wonderful!
I?m taking a break!
The Steve Allen Boxing Day Breakfast Show
The Steve Allen Christmas Breakfast Show
Kalettes? Never heard of them.
The Best of Steve Allen - 18th-22nd December 2017
I'm actually in a good mood this morning. Enjoy it.
Dipping biscuits in tea? How disgusting!
Being able to read autocue and say it's cloudy makes you a celeb!
I'm off to the Blind Beggar, guvnor
Babies: do they know it's Christmastime at all? No!
Would you eat your dead mum? I wouldn't.
The Best of Steve Allen - 11th-15th December 2017
Maybe I should launch a Steve Allen calendar for 2018
The Nigel Farage Show, apparently
I got bored of watching TV, so I thought I'd come back...
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: Why don't we take space exploration seriously?
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: Are you jumping on the Bitcoin bandwagon?
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: Sunday early breakfast
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: Jerusalem plus breaking Brexit news
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: How can we stop moped gangs' crime spree?
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: What will finally make people take air pollution seriously?
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: How do you keep the peace in your family?
The cough persists
Sorry, but Corgis are ugly
The Best of Steve Allen - 27th November-1st December 2017
It's the first of December!!!
Steve Allen - The Whole Show - 30 Nov 17
Boneless pig rectums?!
Royal Engagement: She blatantly wears the pants...
My tree is thick and bushy....ho ho ho
Santa Spy Cams & being single is ok
The Best of Steve Allen - 20th-24th November 2017
Ban Sleeping Beauty and get Humpty Dumpty to take the King to court
The Moody Steve Allen Show
Red Christmas lights
I fell asleep in the office... James O'Brien tried to bury me
Marry-joo-ahh-na
Is Ann Widdecombe a flannel or a loofah?
The Best of Steve Allen - 13th-17th November 2017
Oh for goodness sake they are still going on about the sausage rolls!!
Jesus was replaced with a sausage roll? And what?!
Have you ever put a condom on your head and blown it up?
What have they found?!
Flannels and real sponges
Steve Dixon, please get those glasses sorted...
The Best of Steve Allen - 6th-10th November 2017
Lunch with Paul Smith (the newsreader) will take 4 hours today
We got in a bit of a jam today
Just what DID Santa say to Paddington?!
Lewis Hamilton has got HOW MUCH? I'm off to Dublin...
We learnt a lot about tramadol this morning
Inappropriateness at work
The Best of Steve Allen - 30th October-3rd November 2017
Morning darlings! Uh-oh...
Wait til you hear this morning's car park shocker!
What can we do about these senseless acts? Nothing, I'm afraid
Poppies: left or right? I have the answer
I've got to chuck all my Tommy Bahamas shirts out now
What's the time?
The Best of Steve Allen - 21st-27th October 2017
Today's show was well sick
£6 for a steak? That'll do, pig
What did your talking toys say to you?
I can't wait to see 'GC' vs the BBC
T minus zero days
Tap water? No thanks
The Best of Steve Allen - 16th-20th October 2017
Penny: the tip of the iceberg, I fear
I've made a new purchase
Consider yourselves at home
Why Twickenham needs more conning towers
Firefighter Sam? Nah, doesn't work, does it?
Apparently doctors will be asking whether you're gay...
The Best of Steve Allen - 9th-13th October 2017
You all wear old scents
£155 for a meal? I'm too common, me
I can tell you now Iain Dale will NOT be wearing a suit today
Mr December
I found out something rather upsetting during this morning's show
I'm getting my jogging shorts on this morning...
The Best of Steve Allen - 2nd-6th October 2017
Thanks for your support on Global's Make Some Noise Day
I lost my voice once... The nation rejoiced
It seems I've been denied that jackpot yet again
It's a sell-out
I feel so sorry for all the staff at Monarch this morning
What's a "Broman"?
The Best of Steve Allen - 25th-29th September 2017
Chicken, anyone?
The tale of the skin graft
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: What's racist about a tour of fried chicken shops?
A few black cab drivers got rather nasty this morning
Exercising on the radio: great if you're listening in stereo
I've never been in an Uber...
The Best of Steve Allen - 18th-22nd September 2017
Kick off your heels, get your boobies out, here we go!
Never try what one bride in Ireland has done, please
Some babies are ugly - it's just a fact
I've learned the key to happiness... and that's why I'm sad
Where DID Michael Fabricant's hair come from?
I am BACK! And what a week I've had...
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: How aware are you of your health risks?
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: Is our national culture really under threat because some pubs have closed?
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: What's wrong with the idea behind so-called 'gender neutral clothes'?
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: why should weddings cost an average of £27k?
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: Should Paul Hollywood be hung out to dry over that Nazi fancy dress costume?
I had a falling out with the halogen oven...
The Best of Steve Allen - 4th-8th September 2017
I'm Jeff and my phone is playing up
After Wills and Kate, then Harry and Meghan, now George is in the papers!
Harry and Meghan can't have it both ways
It's a baby...
Shove the kids out of the door and onto a bus
Maybe I should take up Zumba...
The Best of Steve Allen - 28th August-1st September 2017
As if I'd ever allow anyone in unannounced!
I'm just off to put together a spreadsheet about the producer
It's such a shame I can't repeat the story I heard this morning
Colin Jackson? No way?!
Dry rub or wet marinated
What happens when you boil a tin of condensed milk?
The Best of Steve Allen - 21st-25th August 2017
No knife-lickers here, please.
Firemen rescued some piglets from a barn fire. Guess what their thank-you gift was?
I had to pay for lunch AGAIN
I keep a supply of spare stamps, just in case...
So, how was that Bros gig over the weekend?
Tributes have been pouring in for Sir Bruce Forsyth
The Best of Steve Allen - 14th-18th August 2017
Coverage of the Barcelona and Cambrils terror attacks
We're trying to work out what's in a Walnut Whip...
I discovered Chiswick - I'm basically Christopher Colombus.
I got shouted at by a bus driver yesterday...
You'll never guess how much Paul the newsreader paid to park in London...
I've got a 'thick cornea', whatever that means...
The Best of Steve Allen - 7th-11th August 2017
I had to do an eye test. I failed.
We're all geared up for 7:30
I've got an interesting fact for you this morning
What's in the papers then? Oh...
What is Stacey Soloman droning on about?
On today's show, you can win a microwave oven!
The Best of Steve Allen - 31st July-4th August 2017
Let's play 'Guess the RAF base'
I call mine Eric
Starbuck your ideas up
Ee-bah-gum, I think we've found my old house in t'Yorkshire!
Green tea? It looks like something from outer space...
Cyclists have closed most of London... again.
The Best of Steve Allen - 24th-28th July 2017
We had a student visiting us today. I know...
'Bonk with Steve': coming soon to LBC. Maybe.
I have such an odd profession...
I could talk about sex...or failing that I could just guess?
I don't like cricket...
It doesn't look like I'm going to win this vote...
The Best of Steve Allen - 17th-21st July 2017
Vote Allen, vote often
I still don't care about the BBC salaries... except for One programme
It's none of your business what BBC stars earn!
If Love Island is OK, I can think of something else they might as well put on TV
It doesn't matter if the Doctor and the Daleks are women and the cybermen are gay!
Does anybody actually watch Doctor Who?
The Best of Steve Allen - 10th-14th July 2017
They're a bit odd at Wimbledon, aren't they?
Why I won't be getting the pots and pans out later
The washing machine should be in the wash room, where the servants sleep
The Queen will be in a mood when she reads the papers this morning
It's Charlie Gard's day of destiny
It's the morning after Pride in London...
The Best of Steve Allen - 3rd-7th July 2017
The tale of the tennis bad-boy and the teenager you'll never hear from again
What sort of person drives a Volvo? Oh, James O'Brien
Heard much about what's going on on Blue Peter lately? Thought not
It's not looking good for Matt and Luke
I like my strawberries plump and juicy and my cream as thick as possible...
I'm a gourmet chef, you know...
The Best of Steve Allen - 26th-30th June 2017
What I did in a pub once... is a story for another day
Queen Camilla? I'm not so sure
No, I won't be watching Wimbledon
The running joke continues
Thank you, driver
I'm back! Let's see if I can remember how to do this...
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: When does a joke go too far?
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: Is getting married at a young age a bad idea?
Ian Payne in for Steve Allen: Would you like to retire early?
It's the day before H-Day
It's yet another sad morning, as we wake up to the news from Finsbury Park
Grenfell Tower - where have the council been?
The Best of Steve Allen - 12th-16th June 2017
I don't want to hear about "lessons being learned" - it's too late
More reaction to the Grenfell Tower fire
Live coverage of the fire in North Kensington
My Christmas card secret revealed
I thought Apollo Creed was an aftershave
I go away for ONE day, and everything happens...
The Best of Steve Allen - 5th-8th June 2017
What AM I going to do with my Friday off?
Why DID Aunty Enid keep hold of her car keys all those years?
Proof that we're carrying on: there's another tragic lot in the Big Brother house!
London remains open for business
Ongoing coverage of the London terror attack
The Best of Steve Allen - 29th May-2nd June 2017
If there's a thunderstorm later, blame the producer
Oh dear - another desperate bunch are heading onto Love Island
Eeey-oop, it's t' Northern Show, duck
You'll never guess what the Chiltern Firehouse waitress is up to now...
It's a Bank Holiday - of course it's wet!
Remember the dog that ran off with a lamb? The dog's turned up... without the lamb.
The Best of Steve Allen - 22nd-26th May 2017
It's all about the bells
The front pages are still dominated by a very sick person, I'm afraid
I nearly cried several times this morning
It's another sad, sombre morning in Britain
Meanwhile over on BBC Radio Leeds...
Was there a wedding yesterday?
The Best of Steve Allen - 15th-19th May 2017
When I win EuroMillions tonight, rest assured it's all mine
Mind that spike - it looks very sharp indeed!
Why the McDonald's ad shouldn't have been withdrawn
The nation celebrates as Ian Brady finally dies
My emotional bid to make it through to the next round on BGT
Azerbaijan and Australia beat us in Eurovision...
The Best of Steve Allen - 8th-12th May 2017
A bruising experience
If you don't like needles, cover your ears...
Today is the day: I'm off to the hospital
What's my catchphrase?
I brought in my fidget spinner today
I?m only here this morning because I?m missing from the Sunday Times rich list?
The Best of Steve Allen - 1st-5th May 2017
Prince Philip, enjoy your rest, sir
Soya and almond milk? No, thank you...
Signature roast chicken...?
Can I have a little cocktail, please?
I used to look like Kevin Keegan
Apparently Brooklyn Beckham's taking lessons in how to be cool
The Best of Steve Allen - 24th-28th April 2017
Let's see those jazz hands!
Isn't the producer wrong to hate Bohemian Rhapsody?
New clues about Maddie? We've heard it all before
Aussie Boy is back to tell me about Anzac Day
I want to do an OB from Pippa's wedding
It's London Marathon day...
The Best of Steve Allen - 17th-21st April 2017
What could you possibly get the Queen for her birthday?
No, I still can't tell you the Peter Andre joke
We're all reeling from yet more shocking news yesterday
"Get ou' my barber's!"
What is Easter Monday about anyway?
They've found the most expensive dog wash in the world...
The Best of Steve Allen - 10th-14th April 2017
Can someone explain to me what the Reverend Richard Coles is upset about?
Details on what's coming up instead of Musical Hour today
I went bin diving yesterday....
It's Steve at the mic for the 4am spike!
The Aussie Producer is 32 today!
Apparently Will.I.Am wants to join the Corrie cast... oh dear.
The Best of Steve Allen - 3rd-7th April 2017
Well we never saw THAT coming...
Like the rest of you, I'm utterly shocked by the Barry Manilow news
Oh, I'd love to go to the Vatican
I've got a new £1 coin!
Today's stupid person is Person Scott
The Aussie Producer is ill
The Best of Steve Allen - 27th-31st March 2017
I have an important reminder for my Scottish listeners
Steve Allen's Artisan Radio Show
It's Brexit Day
White Vibration Finger?
Morning love...
Did you remember to buy your mum flowers..?
The Best of Steve Allen - 20th-24th March 2017
London is open for business
Reactions to the Westminster terror attack
Clive Bull has a talented producer...
Former Northern Ireland Deputy First Minister Martin McGuinness dies aged 66
Kerry Katona: I'm surprised she sold as many tickets as that!
Lille gets the Steve Allen stamp of approval
The Best of Steve Allen - 13th-17th March 2017
It's St Patrick's Day... err, and something else too
The Beefsteak Club
Storm Stella: Imagine being battered by 7 inches!
I'm still poorly...give me sympathy
I've got a bit of a cough
Please don't tell me your favourite TV theme tunes...
The Best of Steve Allen - 6th-10th March 2017
Swing low, sweet ch... Oh, we can't sing that now
The Budget: if you can breathe, they're coming after you
It's budget day!
Paul Burrell is gay?! We are just all so shocked.....
There are still a few Bros tickets available...
When will those... those shows be cancelled?
The Best of Steve Allen - 27th February-3rd March 2017
Sir Ken Dodd only got Prince William: how disappointing!
The Nightly Show: utter trash, ladies and gentlemen
Dydd Gwyl Dewi Hapus. Wait, that does mean "Happy St David's Day", right?
Apparently, we're supposed to wipe our lightbulbs once a year...
The Oscars went well, didn't they?
So how was YOUR Friday?
The Best of Steve Allen - 20th-24th February 2017
We Stoke the fire, and I appear on the Musical Hour
Storm Doris is sweeping in... Batten down the hatches
Madonna's dressed up her latest two acquisitions...
Lettuce is for weirdos.
Who is Angela Scanlon? Oh, a nobody!
Have we seen a hygiene certificate for Stig Abell's kitchen?!
The Best of Steve Allen - 13th-17th February 2017
Wasn't yesterday's Musical Hour great?
Goodbye Waitrose, hello Primark: another day in Staines
Guess who's on Loose Women this morning? Yes, it's the Lotto girl!
Valentine's Day? I'd rather have a TUC biscuit with some pickle on it...
I want to be a driving examiner... and to book contestants for The Jump
A lottery winner says her £1m jackpot has ruined her life... the family brain cell must have been on loan.
The Best of Steve Allen - 6th-10th February 2017
Snails for Valentine's Day? Maybe not
Men with women's names... like Kristen
Where do you keep your sauce? The cupboard or the fridge?
The David Beckham story just won't go away
Somebody's really got it in for David Beckham
The runners are going to ruin my day
The Best of Steve Allen - 30th January-3rd February 2017
Lettuce shortage? Just the tip of the iceberg!
There's ANOTHER word you can't say anymore... so I'll say it loads
Pinch and a Punch!
Storm Doris will whip the UK - Woo! Finally, a dominatrix storm.
My latest guilty pleasure on the TV is Can't Pay Or We'll Take It Away...
David Beckham was on Desert Island Discs... all in all it was a little bit predictable.
The Best of Steve Allen - 23rd-27th January 2017
They should equip ticket inspectors with machine guns to deal with first class fare dodgers
I'm living the dream - I bought a new washing up bowl... in GREY!
Gardening with Steve Allen....
Goodbye Gorden Kaye
So I can't even have toast and roast potatoes now!
It's the Steve Dixon... Sorry, the Steve Allen Show
The Best of Steve Allen - 16th-20th January 2017
Please don't tell me what your favourite milkshake is - I don't care
Coming soon: the LBC Steve Allen vest and pants set
All of this packaging for a simple dust pan and brush?!
Whee! It's all going on in the world of celebrity isn't it?
Katie Price has another naked calendar out... How riveting!
Posh Spite
The Best of Steve Allen - 9th-13th January 2017
It's Friday the 13th... but it might snow in Twickenham later!
There's snow in Cairngorm and the Trossachs... but not Twickenham
Are we going to see inches of the white stuff everywhere? Is it going to snow??
Cooking with Steve Allen...Al Dente
There's a Tube strike on, but we'll battle through
Twickenham is set for a bleak 2017
The Best of Steve Allen - 2nd-6th January 2017
I went on Amazon after drinking prosecco: oops!
You made me think of "Ring of Bright Water" this morning
Have you heard? James O'Brien has conjunctivitis...it's very contagious
You've had your break! Get out of bed and straight back to work!
Jailhouse Rock will never sound the same again
Reactions to a bleak start to 2017, as Istanbul is attacked again
We've found the other clip of myself and Sweep... and others too!
Our tribute to Debbie Reynolds, as this cruel, cruel year takes another
Ha! Gayyyyyy
I'm such a liability in the studio...but I have given you loads of time checks!
We pay tribute to the late George Michael
Merry Christmas, one and all!
The Best of Steve Allen - 19th-23rd December 2016
I had to use the big boys' studio today... Oh no!
Philip, what sandwich would you like for the train?
Bye! I'll Facetime you...
Rolling coverage and reaction to Berlin and Turkey
Pump up the volume!
We dug out Mr M's "Sweep" clip this morning
The Best of Steve Allen - 12th-16th December 2016
Why I'm never mentioning a certain soft drinks company again!
I got the producer to play around with the 'dump' button today
I wonder how long I can talk for without the papers? I like a challenge
After last night it's clear the ruder I become the more happy people become
Why on earth are you all naming your cars?!
No, my Brian Sewell impression does NOT sound like Kenneth Williams!
The Best of Steve Allen - 5th-9th December 2016
What's your favourite sexual position?
Just what did the Australian producer get up to at the Christmas party?
Do I have one of those £50k fivers? Watch this space!
It's hilarious how many of you are texting me that Jaffa Cakes are not biscuits...get a life! I'm SO over it.
Sprouts for breakfast... why not?!
Reindeer with Christmas dinner: You've seen the film, you've met the cast, now eat it
The Best of Steve Allen - 28th November-2nd December 2016
Basingstoke: so bad it hasn't even got a Monopoly board
Growing up near Hull: it was a place where men were men - and sheep were frightened
It's so cold! You could wee an icicle!
I'll warn you in advance - this wasn't the happiest of shows
Ed Balls and Honey G gone on the same night - how funny...
Brace your ears for one of the worst things we've ever heard...
The Best of Steve Allen - 21st-25th November 2016
It's Black Friday... so I won't be going to ANY shops today!
Complaining is good for you
U is for Unicorn and S is for Sploff
No one has a shower with their hands behind their head - that's a bimbo pose!
Aussies use tears to wash their faces
The worst 'Twelve Days of Christmas' ever
The Best of Steve Allen - 14th-18th November 2016
I want to be frozen like Jeremy Bentham
Why I'm not buying the story about the missing, bored 15 year-old
Enough with the Bubble cars ladies and gentlemen!
I found something in the newsroom...
Got milk? part 2
Have you heard what Mr M did to my Su-Bo chat with Paul Smith?
The Best of Steve Allen - 7th-11th November 2016
This podcast contains secrets about Paul Smith. Keep them to yourselves.
I predict a lot of things correctly... but even I didn't see THAT coming!
Surely Hillary Clinton has it? She's got Lady Gaga in her corner!
The latest desperate Jungle lot are on their way down under
"Princess? Yeah, they call me that too."
The Best of Steve Allen - 31st October-4th November 2016
Who has a sidecar?
Is Earl Grey tea girlie?
If you're over the age of 53, dispose of your denim immediately!
Posh names, do you have one?
I've been sent some whisky mince pies
I may have dropped a Strictly spoiler... Ah well!
The Best of Steve Allen - 24th-28th October 2016
The agony goes on
Vinnie Jones to sell carpets to celebrities... Will it be Matt Allwright?
How do you make an Essex Girl laugh on a Saturday? Tell her the joke on Wednesday...ha!
When it gets hot bees squirt water at each other...did you know that?
In Conversation With Darren Adam
Guildford: city or town?
The Best of Steve Allen - 17th-21st October 2016
Got milk?
Will The Donald trump Hillary? I don't think so...
66 days until Christmas! Who has the best Mince Pies?
I love how people are texting in saying Nick Abbot was winding them up!
"Hi, my name's Steve, I'm from Deck Z"
I did it, I got my free jar of Marmite!
The Best of Steve Allen - 10th-14th October 2016
Waterboarding for scary clowns
What happened to 'customer service'?
Will Young quits Strictly! He had a hissy fit apparently...
Steve Allen: Stripped Back to Basics
Trump v Clinton: very much the evil of two lessers
Bros sold out in seven seconds... apparently
The Best of Steve Allen - 3rd-7th October 2016
We made lots of noise... and (mostly) sold out the Hippodrome show!
If the Bros concert sells out, I'll eat the studio!
Danniella Westbrook: what an utter waste of space.
Kim had £8M of jewellery?!
Giving up smoking
A birthday on a Sunday? How miserable!
The Best of Steve Allen - 26th-30th September 2016
Novelty songs
Is that an envelope in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
More urban myths dispelled
Is Paddington Bear at Euston station?
Catboy and Alyssa
The Best of Steve Allen - 19th-23rd September 2016
Why I may drive a Bentley, but I'm still working class
Why I missed Charlie Dimmock's bra-less adventures
Have you heard James O'Brien's magical hour?!
I asked Daniel Radcliffe if he has ever shaved his bottom...he said yes!
The Great Lesbian Bake Off
It's Katie Price day - she's a nurse, you know!
The Best of Steve Allen - 12th-16th September 2016
I told we'd name and shame that disgraceful Ground Zero accountant
Why the police should crush the car of anyone caught using their phone while driving
I despise this hot weather and anyone who walks around with their shirt off. Peasants! It really is a ghastly thing to do!
How many people does it take to make a radio show?!
"I'm constantly disorientated - I've obviously got pneumonia!"
This podcast is brought to you by... aliens!
The Best of Steve Allen - 5th-9th September 2016
How do you fancy having the North Korean ambassador for your neighbour?
What shall I do when I take over Top Gear?
It's very sweet to have other radio stations but there's just no competition
Steve Allen - Wildebeests, they're a bit dim aren't they?
Today's show is about a man called Jim who sells washing machines...
"I thought Steve Allen was dead?!"
The Best of Steve Allen - 29th August-2nd September
Seaside towns: mostly awful
The Austrailian naked bike ride is like the British. Just smaller..
What was that noise? Was that my stomach? Oh my that was loud!
I'm here until 7am!
The One with the Big Announcement
Nando's? I'd be happy sitting outside Marks and Spencer's with some oven chips, thanks
The Best of Steve Allen - 22nd-26th August 2016
What an exciting weekend for anyone near Dagenham!
The panic is over - we've found Spagbol!
"It's going to be HOT HOT HOT"
"I don't know how this show gets an audience. What did you talk about on today's show Steve? Myself on YouTube..."
There's nothing wrong with watching Christmas films in August!