36: You're So Rude, and What to Do About It

Welcome back to another episode of the Love How Deep podcast.  We hope as you continue to listen that your marriage is strengthened and that you continue to use God's Word as the foundation for your marriage.  Today we are talking about rudeness and how it can simply destroy a marriage.  Rudeness can be subjective, but it is very common that we can treat the cashier at the grocery store better than our own spouse.  Before we begin we would like to give credit to the Love Dare Book written by Alex Kendrick and Stephen Kendrick.  This is a book that gives you a 40 day challenge to practice unconditional love to your spouse.  On Day 5, the book discussed that "Love is not Rude." So let's dive in with a candid discussion about this common issue of rudeness and what to do about it.    What is Rudeness ·         Definition:  to be impolite or ill-mannered.  The book even uses the word embarrassing. ·         Examples of Rudeness:   o   Interrupting or Talking Over Each Other: When one spouse constantly interrupts or talks over the other during conversations, it shows a lack of respect and consideration for their thoughts and opinions.   o   Name-Calling or Insults: Using derogatory names, belittling comments, or insults, whether in private or public, can severely hurt the other spouse's feelings and self-esteem.   o   Dismissive Body Language: Rolling eyes, sighing loudly, crossing arms, or turning away when the other is speaking are non-verbal cues that can convey disinterest, annoyance, or contempt.   o   Ignoring or Stonewalling: Refusing to engage in conversation, ignoring attempts to communicate, or giving the silent treatment can be extremely frustrating and hurtful, making the other spouse feel unimportant and disrespected.   o   Criticizing in Front of Others: Pointing out flaws, correcting, or criticizing a spouse in front of friends, family, or strangers can be humiliating and disrespectful, damaging their confidence and the mutual respect in the relationship.   ·         What Does Love Have to Say About This? §  Let's look at what the Bible says:  "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV) §  When driven by love, we can't help but act in ways that 1 Cor 13 describes. §  Selfless Act while not done to change your spouse, often can. ·         Treat Your Spouse Like You Would Anyone Else – the mail carrier, the cashier, your boss etc.  §  For wives, this means: ·          don't ignore, ·         become passive aggressive, ·         argumentative.  "Better to live on a corner of the roof that share a house with a quarrelsome wife." (Proverbs 25:24).  §  For husbands, this means ·          treating your wife like a lady and not one of the guys, ·         prize her above others and ·         control feelings like anger §  "It is well with the man who is gracious." (Psalm 112:5)   ·         Two Reasons Why Spouse are Rude according to the Love Dare o   Ignorance o   Self Centeredness ·         Which are You?   ·         3 Guiding Principals According to The Love Dare   o   Guard the Golden Rule:  this means treat your partner the same as you would want to be treated, o   No Double Standards:  this means be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers, friends, and coworkers o   Honor Requests:  Do what your spouse has asked.  And ask if you are in doubt.  Conclusion Before you go, we would encourage to pick our free resource to help you learn more about yourself and each other.  Core Values Exercise for Married Couples    It's Free and you can grab it now.  It will help you discover what is important to each of you and to have a very connecting conversation to help strengthen your marriage. Closing Thanks for tuning in! We appreciate your time.  Stay tuned for our next episode.