97 - These Three Made All The Difference

***Register here for a free workshop on Exactly HOW Do I Make Dating Easier? to learn three simple but actionable steps to make dating easier for you and get the results you want.*** Believe. Trust. Risk. Those are my recommendations as you go out into the world and hopefully begin a.creating the life you want. Believe. Trust. Risk. These three factors are needed to be effective and successful in life. You have to believe in yourself, in possibilities, and even in a miracle here and there. You need that belief to trust your abilities, in the kindness of others and the twists and turns life will take you on. You have to believe and trust in order to take the risks in life that count. By the way, I’m naturally not talking about foolish risks, but the risks that come from belief and trust and lead to a more full life. Let’s look at each of these. Believe. First and foremost, you need to have your own back. Even when no one else does, you have to believe that your presence is needed in the world. You’re here to do something that only you can do. Who you are and what you do is needed in the world. Hold on to that belief with all you got. That belief will carry you through days of doubt, nights of dread and worry, and dealing with others who clearly don’t believe in you. For me, that belief carried me through years of trying to build a career on my terms, enduring people who discriminated against me because of ableist attitudes, and wondering if dreams of having a family of my own would ever come true. When you have belief and trust in yourself, you can then take the risks that pay off big. When I look back from my vantage point now, I realize that belief was trusting in the future. That brings us to trust. You definitely have to believe yourself to form trust. Trust is the reliance on your character, ability, and strength. Trust is often built over time through consistent experiences, positive interactions, and a track record of dependability. Where belief in yourself may not take much time because it refers to the acceptance of something as true, trust develops over a period of time. It involves relying on someone or something based on a belief in their reliability and integrity through different experiences. You learn to trust yourself more and more by showing up for yourself repeatedly. This looks like going to work on the days you don’t feel like it because you want to be a person who is responsible and reliable to yourself most. It looks like going after that dream of yours even when others don’t believe you can make it happen. And it looks like always checking in with yourself and doing what’s right for you, even though you may be the outsider. Trust in yourself, allow that trust to run deep over time. If you can’t rely on yourself, who can you rely on? I can best describe what this looks like through examples. It was because I believed in myself and trusted my potential to be a good partner to someone that led me to tell a guy on our first date that I would like to get to know him - after he confessed that he was very uncomfortable being dating someone with a disability. For the whole story, listen to Episode 1.  Risk. Remember I said it’s not about taking foolish risks, but the risks that come from belief and trust and lead to a more full life. These are the risks you take when you have done the work to believe in and trust in yourself. We usually avoid taking risks to keep us safe. Now when we’re talking about our physical safety, avoiding risks can be a very good thing because it may keep us out of danger. But when we’re afraid to reach more, pursue our dreams, or challenge ourselves to grow because we’re afraid of getting emotionally hurt or being rejected, that’s when we begin to limit our very own potential. To me this is one of the damaging things you can do to yourself and your life. Learn to take healthy risks. Risks that challenge you, may make you squirm with discomfort, but ultimately allow you to grow and become more the person you’re meant to be. Another story from my life illustrates this. My entire life I wanted to be a mother. As a young girl I fed my dolls baby bottles and changed their diapers. As a teenager, I babysat on a regular basis for families in my neighborhood and loved every minute of it. I felt destined to be a mother. But I didn’t get married until I was 41 and not that being married is a requirement for parenting, but I knew I wanted a partner in the journey with me. So at 41, the biological clock was not working in my favor. We tried, though. We had three miscarriages. I was devastated after the first one. I knew to get me out of my devastation, I had to focus on a solution. I began researching adoption. I was led to the idea of foster care, which to me was about one of the biggest risks of all - to open your heart and home to a child but have them ultimately leave.  My husband and I took the risk. We took a one month old baby in our home and instantly into our hearts. Two months later there was a possibility he may be moved down south. There were months of worries, nerve racking court dates, and many meetings with the Department of Social Services. Every day we made the choice to risk our own hearts to give this baby the love he needed. Fast forward. This is our son today. Being a parent has helped me grow as a person beyond what I could ever imagine. Several years from now, I hope you have your own unique story of believing, trusting, and risking. I promise it will lead you to the life that will fulfill you and bring you happiness.  Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation |Artwork photo by Elevate