Bipolar mania and psychosis meme replication in monologue and community

I want to talk about the word meme and a meme is just an idea or thought or a word its equivalent in biology would be a gene and I've read that there are thoughts that memes replicate just like jeans do so jeans replicate in biological reproduction and memes get passed in the form of thoughts and everything through our brains and our brain cells and lately I've been having more insights about the whole ego me thing the ego is the me and it's interesting that meme is spelled m e m which is me me so it's something in my mind that gets passed from one me to another me so Mimi not only that is once it is in someone's brain in order for it to replicate it has to happen more than once unless somebody I think it does have to happen more than once if somebody has that meme and then wants to pass it on they at least have to process it and think about it and think about it again to pass it on and even if they forget about it after that point it still was a me me in their mind so it goes from me to me from ego to ego and I might have talked before how I'm really seeing that language is really a virus it gets stuck in our brains so memes are kind of like word viruses and i guess some could be more positive than others actually when i first had a scary experience of altered states of consciousness otherwise known as psychosis at one point when I would look at the computer there would be stuff that was probably there or not there I actually might have taken a picture of this one but I'm not I can't remember but it was just a totally benign website i was looking at and in the top margin it said languages of virus so when i was in that scary state of consciousness i was seeing scary messages everywhere so i'm looking at the computer at saying language as a virus i'm looking at language I'm saying Oh what do I do and it freaked me out but I'm seeing now that it's really true that language is a virus we can use language or language can use us and I think most the time it uses us because we're conditioned by thoughts were conditioned by education and J Krishnamurti talks a lot about this and I'm not saying his name in order to say I'm representing him or even know what he was talking about I don't per se I've I've studied his stuff for probably eight years but it's only now that i'm actually really starting to see what he's saying and i know throughout the process of studying his writings and his talks on youtube i always have some level of oh I see what he's saying but with his talks and his writings that I see what he's saying always keeps going it's continuous it's not oh I see what he's saying conceptually and then try to memorize it and or forget about it you actually see what he's saying or you don't see it it's not about actually being like yeah yeah that makes sense it's about actually really seeing it so there's a very subtle line between agreeing with it and conceptualizing it and actually seeing what he's saying and I feel like perhaps I'm getting to the point where I'm actually seeing what he's saying with regards to the language aspect I could be deluding myself I have to just drop it and keep learning but what I'm saying is that some of my insights are similar to stuff that he says he says it in a different way but I've been kind of coming up with it or seeing it it appears on my mind screen as I see this without actually listening to or reading his teachings I'm actually observing it within myself so I'm actually reading that within my off and i'm not sure where else we can really read things from but within ourselves and even if i think about my experiences of so-called psychosis it's always thoughts it's always words it's always language so I've gotten to the point where I've come really close to ending my life because I'm taken over by this language and these images attached to the language and also these felt feeling senses in my body and it's all like an attack of language of memes and I don't know where they come from but