Episode 144 - Unconditional parenting, part seven

In this episode I cover Chapter Six: What Holds Us Back in the book Unconditional Parenting: Moving From Rewards And Punishments To Love And Reason by Alfie Kohnhttp://www.unconditionalparenting.com/up/ We learn various costly ways of conditional and controlling parenting via: -What we see and hear, especially from our family and friends and advice from media figures and doctors -What we believe, especially societal views of children in terms of their perceived lack of capabilities and the widespread acceptance of control through competition, conformity, punishment, religion, and notions of parenting permissiveness, authoritativeness, and authoritarianism -What we feel, in terms of projecting our own emotions and behaviors on kids stemming from our own unmet needs from childhood and the myriad psychological defenses arising from them -What we fear, such as inadequacy, incompetence, powerlessness, being judged by others, our children's safety, and fears of babying and permissiveness, all of which can foster parental behavior that doesn't meet kids' vital needs Being dissociated from and disowning of one's own child-self is central to not meeting the needs of children and not having authentic and joyful interactions with them Patience and empathy foster win/win, life-enriching relationships with children Punishment for violating governmental "laws" is a near perfect reflection of the punishment model of parenting Mind sacrifice entails the surrender of one's own reasoning ability to allegedly higher authoritieshttp://aynrandlexicon.com/lexicon/mystics_of_spirit_and_muscle.htmlhttp://aynrandlexicon.com/lexicon/religion.html Parenting with carrot-and-stick manipulation, either on one end or the other--or the so-called "just right" approach--disconnects both parents and kids from what's alive in them, their true reasoning selves, and their feeling and needs Adults' unmet needs from childhood, if not examined, understood, and dealt with, can lead to many costly strategies to get them met, particularly as parents11 Situations in Which it Is Not Appropriate for You to Have Children by Daniel Macklerhttp://www.iraresoul.com/nokids.html Placing "limits" on kids often means not letting them develop the essential skill of determining their own limits--so that they can be responsible and self-governing Feel free to contact me for a counseling session at [email protected]://happinesscounseling.com Open NVC Sessions...http://completeliberty.com/forum/topic/13 bumper music "Set Theory" by Divider (unable to find link) to comment, please go to http://completeliberty.com/magazine/category/91697