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Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. Please check out me and Tony in Phoenix, Arizona, September 26th to Thursday at Stand Up Live. You can go to StandUpLive.com or go to Death Squad.TV. It's our first time going to Phoenix at Death Squad.
And we'd love for you guys to come out so we can prove to this comedy show that we can bring Death Squad there all the time with a bunch of new comics. Also, the following day, Friday, September 27th, me and Tony are flying to Ohio. We'll be doing a show at the Woodlands Tavern, and that's going to be with Tom Segura and Christina Kijitsky of your mom's house. So it's going to be a huge super show of four comics.
It's going to be awesome. You can go to DeathSquad.TV for all the ticket links, including this, Kill Tony, which is every Monday at 8pm at Comedy Store. It's free, and it's followed by the Ding Dong Show, which is also free at 10pm. Also, check out the ShopSquad.TV website.
That's where Death Squad sells our kitty cat t-shirt. It's limited edition. Again, that's ShopSquad.TV. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Rick and I coming to you live from the Comedy Store. How are you guys doing tonight? This is a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hickscliff.
Boom. Here we are. Welcome, everybody. How are you?
It's another big packed crowd tonight. Josh Martin's here. How are you, buddy? Great.
I'm doing good. We were just talking before, like, what happened this week, and we really can't recall. It's a very normal weekend, you know? Just did a bunch of spots, podcasted.
You know, we just did what we do. Normal stuff. Yeah. Drank too much, cried at the comedy.
I guess I cried at the comedy. One of those nights where I did a podcast about dysentery, and it's pretty much where we just get really, really wasted throughout the podcast, me and a couple girls. Like, I'm talking, like, a whole bottle of tequila, a couple beers, shots of all... It's just a horrible mess.
And somehow I ended up here, and I guess I was crying. People were coming up to me telling me stories of shit I said. I guess I was going up to girls that I know, that I would never do this with, and just whispering their ears going, let's go to San Francisco, what the fuck? That's the craziest kick-up line I've ever heard.
Why San Francisco? I know. That makes no sense at all. I don't understand.
That's really weird. What does that mean? Is that some kind of term? Like, hey, baby, let's go to San Francisco.
I don't know what that means. That makes no sense at all. It seems like some kind of dirty sexual maneuver. Right.
I just wonder if I made a joke up earlier, and I thought everyone heard it, and I forgot, and that's why I was saying that. Right. That makes sense. But I'm so embarrassed.
That's one of those nights that you go, like, shit, I'm not going to drink tomorrow. That's one of those nights where you do that, and you the next day are like, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah, it sucks.
I've never had people come up to me and tell it's what I was crying to them. Yeah, I cry a lot, man. I have this thing where I get really wasted. I just start crying.
And it's not like I'm crying. Like, my eyes just start crying. Really? Yeah, it's like the alcohol.
Like, hey, you need to pee. I'm just going to come out of your eyes. Because they're too drunk to realize it. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Yeah, that doesn't happen to me. I'll, like, talk shit and, like, be crazy when I'm drunk, but the crying thing, I save that for just, like, I just keep it all pent up, and then I let it turn into anger. Isn't that fun? Do you cry ever?
Like, once a year? I really don't. You want to know what? I almost cried last night at the new episode of Breaking Bad, because that show is un-fucking believable, and it just came back last night.
How many people saw that episode of television? How the fuck is this? How the fuck are they doing that? That's unbelievable.
For those of you that haven't seen that show, I know it must be annoying. People must tell you, hey, go see that show. It's un-fucking-believable. Like, if you can't get into this, I don't want to be your friend anyway.
Like, that's fine if you don't see it, but it's really good. Then I watched the first episode, and it stressed me out, and I was like, I can't have this stress in my life. That's when it's a good drama. What do you mean?
You're crying. That's stressful. You can't have that stress, and you're like, you're at a nightclub crying to your friends. Do you think I need more stress?
Do you think that's a good, like, hey, let's add Breaking Bad stress to that? It might help. You might be like, you know what? My life's not that bad after all.
I don't have stage four lung cancer in fucking a meth business. Right. That's trying to kill me. That show's fucking unbelievable.
But with all these expectations, they come out with a new episode. I mean, expectations are sky high. And, right? I mean, only these four guys, obviously, have enough money to have cable, so.
So do you think it's going to end, though, with, like, the last episode, where, like, what? They're all dreaming. Absolutely not. You know why?
So Sopranos is an interesting one. Sopranos, even though, it's like, come on. We need to know what happened there. But they tell you what happened.
It's sort of a, it's wrong what they did in the way that they made it so that, like, only people that are really fucking paying attention can see what happens there. But I watched the whole thing on it. It's really interesting. And the way that it works is, is there's, how many people here have seen the last episode of Sopranos?
Okay, that's a good enough amount to talk about it. But he's sitting in the booth, and he's looking at the door. And you see, you're looking at him, and the door thing rings, and he looks at who's in the door, and the camera goes from where he's sitting. Right?
Right. This is a thing that happens over and over again. More people keep coming in, and then you go from his vision. And the thing is, is that on that last one, you watch the guy go, everything hints that that guy that went in the bathroom that's coming back out is going to kill him.
And that's on purpose, too. That's not to trick you. That's to let you know what the fuck's happening in the scene. There's a reason.
Everything else has a reason. So that would, too. And on the final one, when Meadow's coming in late, or something like that, he looks up again, and that's when it goes blank. But it would be from his angle, and at that point, that guy's coming out, so you know that he got shot in the head.
Oh. Or they were going to wait five more years, make a Soprano movie, and the guy behind him misses, and shoots the daughter in a shoulder. There's nobody had Dan Belfini living for five years. Nobody.
And if you did, if you thought he was going to survive that long, you obviously don't have any Italian friends with an Italian family that's just eating cheese and drinking milk, because that's what they do. And pasta, I mean, all the, the tomato sauce is the healthiest thing Italians eat. And that's not even really, that's got shit in it. It's crazy.
You know, so if you guys have seen the show before, we have this gentleman over here. Of course, our head of security. Chief of insecurity. Yeah, Iron Patriot.
The Iron Patriot, everybody, is here once again. One of my favorite, all right, we're really excited tonight. Okay. You're really firing him off there, huh?
Yeah. In the past, he's done some weird little music numbers that have surprised us all. And he sent me, he sent me one over this week, and I put it on my iPad, didn't listen to it until today, just to double check to make sure it was working. And he's going to do the song, and it, I've heard that he was sending in a song, I heard last week he was going to do it, I got excited, he brought a banana here for some reason last week.
I'm like, what's the banana for? It's a music thing I almost did, but it didn't work out. And you asked me earlier, do you know what this song is if you listen? And I purposefully haven't wanted to listen to it, because I wanted to be surprised at what he was going to do with this banana here.
Well, let's, I heard it, and I can't even imagine what's going to go on right now, because this makes no sense to me. So, let's go. Here's the Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song.
Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song.
Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song.
Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song.
Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana song. Iron Patriot with his banana.
1992, I was in a band called Dirty Crabble. That's a classic song. It was in the grunge era. The whole world wasn't ready for the banana, but now they are ready for the banana.
I was so happy to do that song tonight, Tony. Thank you so much. Okay. It's a story about two monkeys in the jungle named Jacob and Latidra.
Latidra was playing hard to get, and Jacob said, get crazy with that banana. Holy shit, man. I feel like I died. Wow.
The banana is a mystical song. It can mean anything, whatever you want. You can be the banana, or you can be the man's death. Whatever you like.
Obviously, yeah, we could take it however we like. All right. So you were in a band in Dallas in 1992. What was the name of the band?
Okay, okay. And what instrument did you play? I was the singer. I was the crabber.
And that was your band's actual song? Yes. I was going to radio play. It didn't do a big time, but I don't think it was the right time.
I think now is the time. Wow. Is Dirty Crabber Mailman one of your songs? Yes.
Well, let's take a listen to Dirty Crabber Mailman. I just found it here on YouTube. Sure, I know. Somebody is going to sing along with this.
Wait, is this you in the video? For those of you listening at home, Dirty Crabber Mailman, you can find it on YouTube. It's pretty un-fucking-believable. Oh, my God.
It starts with a dog? Oh, my God. That's you? Yeah.
Oh, I see why you wear the Patriot suit. You call this grunge? No, I'm saying grunge is popular. That's why we had...
Oh, that's so great. You were happy rock and roll. Yes. During the era that grunge was completely taking over.
When people were going dark. You're like, you know what? Let's just take over the happy market in Dallas right now. It was a high time for the rock star in the early 90s.
Holy shit. How does Mailman go? Everything is all the time. And I do it right.
I'm working out in every river. I'm going like a dyke. I'm loading up my mail truck. That's how I do it right.
I'm coming to your neighborhood. I'm going to get you high. So high. Raines it on snow.
The Mailman rains it on snow. You mean to tell me you guys weren't huge in Dallas? With your positive hip music? Oh, I love it, man.
That's amazing. I'm trying to get my career going again in music. Well, I think that Mailman... I think the Mailman song goes great with the banana in the hand.
I think you should flip it and do the banana. All right. Okay. I fucking love it.
Patriot, you're always amazing. How's your week been? How's life been? You know, remember I told you I was an extra-up to our nation?
Yes. When they started filming again this week, I was down there three days. And you know who I really like from that show? It's Rashida Jones.
She's the daughter of Quincy Jones who produced the biggest Michael Jackson apples. And Rashida Jones, when she was a little girl, she was bit by Bubbles the Chimp, Michael Jackson's little monkey. And she still has a scar on her hand. Oh, my God.
Very energy. So the sight of your banana must really freak her out, huh? Oh, yeah. She likes it.
Patriot, I love you. Have you talked to the mystic gods of the universe? Do you have any new catchphrases for us? I have a confession to make fun.
I've been getting my weed from someone else now. Oh. Why is that? I knew I had to stop mooching off you.
At first, when you gave me that weed, I thought, I'll just smoke a couple days. But you showed me the way, and now I'm a full-time stormer. Wow. There you go.
I have a friend that I'm buying purple haze from on a regular basis. Wow. And the thoughts are coming quicker and quicker each day. You know when you dream at night, everything seems real, all the things with people, but then you wake up and realize it was all a dream?
Do you realize, Pony, you are dreaming that you're doing the show, Pony, right now? Do you need somebody to take that banana out of your hand? Do you want it? Do you want it?
Josh has it. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. Or you can just throw it wherever you buy it.
Because one time I got hit in the face. Brian told me over this last weekend, he noticed that I do this thing from listening to the podcast that I didn't know that I do. He said, I go, whoa, what the fuck? I noticed I just did it right then.
It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck? Wow, that's interesting. I can't wait to dive more deeper into your music videos. There seems like there's a few on YouTube.
Just when you couldn't get any more interesting, you tell us you were in an unsuccessful rock and roll band in 1992 in Dallas, Texas. I think it all makes sense. Patriot, it's good to have you again. One more time for the Patriot.
He's going to be with us all night, making sure that we're all safe, even though he cannot move in that suit whatsoever. It's a $4,000 suit with just looks. He has no idea where the microphone is at any point. He knocks that over.
I saw you almost strict during the banana song. I saw that, right? I was trying to do some dance moves with a crap. Yeah, you're restricted there on your left by a stage.
I know you can't see anything either. This is all real, everybody. The Patriot showed up before the second episode, and he's been with us every episode since. A full-time member of the Kill Tony team.
Yes, I appreciate it, Tony. Thank you. Some guy in the bathroom started an applause break for you just now. I'm very excited about tonight's show.
We are very lucky to have an amazing, as always, always fun special guest. This one, TV, commercials, awesome comedian, great friend of mine. Put your hands together for the very talented Kevin Christie. See you, everybody.
Here. Fuck yeah, baby. Hi. The man, the myth, and the legend.
I feel like I'm only one of those things, but okay. The legend? I'm just a man. Just a simple...
And after you see a song like that, you feel more simple. You know what I mean? You realize you haven't done enough. You haven't done enough of your life.
You haven't produced enough art. I was looking at your art on your website today. Were you? And one drawing that took my attention was Adolf Hitler slipping out of a banana peel.
Yeah, that's absolutely true. I drew a picture of Adolf Hitler slipping out of a banana peel, and I feel like now you and I are sort of connected. Yes, we are. And I don't like it.
I'll be honest with you. I'm going to find that drawing and burn it. I'll be honest. No.
I mean, a lot of questions about your band. Ask them. And Texas in general. Did anyone ever raise the question that this is the most racist song in the world at any point?
What do you mean? Well, okay. What was the name? The two monkeys you have?
Jacob and Latidra. What? Latidra. Latidra is where it gets real racist.
Jacob is a biblical name. You know what I mean? Latidra is where it goes a little Texas. I'll be honest with you.
It gets a little... Did anyone raise that ever? No? Nothing?
No. I mean, that's kind of a jungle fever fan, but... Also, a very racist term. Another extremely racist term that most people stopped using in the early 90s.
Sometimes with the Patriot, the silence is the most... It's very telling. All I know is I went to the grocery store every time I got bananas and I went to the show, and the people at the club started saying, don't bring the bananas anymore because they're getting in the speakers, they're getting over everything. Well, yeah.
I just said, that's my step. I got to keep bringing them. I'd say, I'm not going to do it, and then I do it anyway. How many bananas would you bring?
I'd be a whole big bag. So there was a crap. A bushel. Like this, I'd throw the whole banana out.
Everybody had a great time. Everybody had a great packet of bananas. Who hates potassium? I mean, no one's had a problem, but that's it.
It's extremely... I don't know if it's sexy. To you, it is. But I feel like that's a stretch.
That seems personal. Patriot, if you had to guess what a percentage of bananas thrown back at you would be, what percentage would you put that in? Yeah, that's a really good question. Not that many.
I mean, just maybe two or three. Most people just hold them in their hands and throw them around like this. You can see it in the video. You can see what people do with it.
Right, right, right. Oh, man. So it was like Arsenio's show, but everyone had a banana. Yeah, yeah.
Very good analogy right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it made chip noises. Because, again, the most racist visual I could ever think of is people making chip...
White people. I imagine your shows were only white people. Making chip sounds and whipping bananas around? Is that what was happening?
Yes, yes. So it was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's terrifying. I'll be honest.
That feels terrifying. Did you ever know when you were writing this song, being in Texas, did you know a black woman named LaKeidra? No, but when I worked at Sears, I had... That's what you imagined?
When you worked at Sears, you met a woman with her? I had a black girlfriend at Sears. Okay. Whoa.
You worked at Sears? Wait a minute. So it's sort of a love song. I worked in the paint department at Sears.
I don't know if it has to involve a jungle. I feel like you liked her outside of a jungle, so you didn't have... I mean, Dallas isn't a jungle. You liked her in Dallas.
You had Dallas fever. I feel like that's a better thing to say, maybe, about you being attracted to her. She liked you? Yeah.
She didn't have jungle fever. She just liked a white guy. Yeah. Why is it only jungle fever if a white person likes a black person?
What is it called when a black person likes a white person? Just disappointing? Suburban fever? Yeah, just like a settling kind of compromise.
Remember, Ari Shapiro said it was beastiality. That's another... Again, you're going to hang your hat on statements. Let's try to make them less.
Okay. Look at your journey. I don't want to tell you what... See, people don't know if I'm black or white, though.
We saw the video like 45 seconds ago where you're one of the whitest guys ever. You look like Gerardo. Yeah, you're extremely white. Look at Leedsinger, Foreigner, or REO Speedwagon.
It's that type of a... Who are your influences musically, do you think? Rico Suave? Gerardo?
I don't... It's the first laugh Gerardo's got in a really long time. You what? Robo Rolling Stones, Muddy Waters, and I like a lot of the 80s bands.
I like B-52s. I like Duran Duran Duran. Okay, okay. I can see the B-52s influence in your music.
Or hear it, mainly. Yeah, upbeat. Yeah, I like everything. I mean, tell me, what did you do in Don's Band?
Did you play music? Yes, I played guitar in Don's Band. Oh, you can play guitar? And drums.
Really? This is air guitar. And bass guitar. It's all air, though.
I'd love to see you play air guitar. By the way, the national championship of air guitar is across the street. Always a fun thing to see. Yeah, do yourselves a favor.
What do you win? Like an imaginary check and an imaginary guitar? You win an air trophy and air shame? Right.
Oh, yeah. What do you want to start this party? Of course. As always, here, what we do is we have a ton of comedians, and we're lucky enough for them to grace us with their presence for 60 seconds at a time.
And then me, and as always, the panel here, we talk to them. They go from comedian to guest in no time at all. That's the sound of 60 seconds. And if you run that 60 seconds, that's the 60 seconds.
But if you run that for a bit, you bring out the very angry West Hollywood bear. And then you can see the chest hair. Bobby Lee says if you get to the West Hollywood bear, you get banned for a few months. Is that his rule or your rule?
That's Bobby Lee's rule. Okay, well. If anybody quotes Bobby Lee's rules, then you'd be banned for a few months. Yeah.
And who knows how long a few months could be. Could be thousands of months. Could be literally thousands of months. All right.
Yeah, metric system. All right. So you guys ready to get this thing started? One more thing.
Wait, oh, yeah, one more thing? Your third co-host wants to make a point. But did Bobby Lee give you your start in comedy? He absolutely did.
He absolutely did. Oh, that's awesome. How did you know that, Patriot? I was listening to a podcast today.
Wow. Patriot's one of the greatest hosts in the entire business. This is research every day. I'm thinking all week about what I want to do.
It's the only show I do. I love this show. One more time for the Iron Man. How do you not applaud a guy who loves what he does?
Love it. We love having you, Patriot. I told somebody earlier. I go, where's the...
Because your bus was a little bit late. They go, you're going to start without the Patriot? I go, I would never fucking start without the Patriot. Yeah, how dare you?
I don't even speak that sin to me. How do you fit that much heart into that suit? Unless it was 830. So much heart.
A lot of bananas. A lot of bananas. Fuck yeah, well, here we go. I'm going to start pulling a name out of a bucket, and then that person's going to come on stage and perform for 60 seconds.
Sometimes we tag your jokes, make them goofier. Sometimes we make them smarter. Sometimes we don't even tag your jokes. We just ask you questions and come up with something funnier about you.
That's a long way to describe ridicule. This guy was up, I do believe, last week. He's back again. Put your hands together for Brian Moreno, everybody.
Brian Moreno, I hear it. Here he is. What's happening, everyone? Yeah, I'm going to use a little of my time to dedicate it to Iron Man, because at first I was in awe at the song, because he's so dedicated.
Then I realized, you know, this is a guy dressed in an Iron Man costume. Of course he's dedicated. Yeah, that went over well. All right, I'm going to keep on the theme of my brother.
Last of the weeks I talked about my older brother who's gay. And having an older brother who's extremely overt in his homosexuality, you get a lot of crazy questions, homophobic things from your friends. But the one thing I realized is that the line where homosexuality actually starts is very gray. It's not clearly defined.
Because I ask all my straight friends, it's like, if I give another guy a blowjob, just one. Like, don't like it, don't think about it ever again, don't want anything to do with it. Does that make me gay? And all my straight friends say the same thing.
Of course, dude. If you give another man a blowjob, you're absolutely gay. Why? You want to suck it?
But then I ask my gay friends the same question. If I give another guy a blowjob, just one. Don't like it, don't think about it, don't ever do it again. It makes me gay?
Well. Oh, shit. You brought out the fucking bear, man. Be careful.
I shouldn't have wasted my time on Iron Man. Oh, that's so true. I'm honored, though. I'm honored that you included him.
No, no, no. He was dedicated. I've got to give it up to him. You know?
Well, it came across as sort of like an insult. Yeah, I was coming across. Were you thinking of the word committed as like put in a mental hospital as opposed to dedicated? Well, no.
Because it came across like a dig a little bit. Well, because you know how like when someone performs, it's like if they bail out on their performance. He was, yeah, he was committed. There's no way to half step a huge plastic suit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the first time I was on there, I'm like, this guy rides the bus here in an Iron Man costume. Well, you know, it's not about the heat. Sometimes it's about the, you know, there's always, sometimes before you're about to go on, or sometimes before I'm about to go on, there's these little things that you're listening to in a room and everything, and you try to come up with an idea of something.
There's this measurement system. How good is this? Right, and you try to measure that out. But no matter what, in the end, you've got to get your points across in some way.
So like, I guess my note would be that if your intention was to like give the Patriot a compliment, because it was way, it was directly in between compliment and insult. It was like right in the middle. I thought you were going to shit on him, and then you didn't. And I was like, oh, I thought maybe you were going to take a dig at yourself.
Like, oh, this guy puts on a huge plastic suit. I can't even, whatever, whatever, whatever. I didn't exactly think of it as much as I should have. Right.
But it's important to be present in the room. I think a lot of comics make that mistake, where something weird happens on stage and they're next, and they just go up like, hey, how's it going? So my parents are like, did you not see the fucking weird thing that just happened? And it makes you, to me, look like, it makes you look crazy.
Yes, exactly. And if instead of moving forward, when it doesn't go over, you know what I mean? Like, if it was supposed to get a laugh, or it was supposed to get an applause, it didn't get either. So at least you could have gotten the applause by saying, I don't think that came out right.
Nothing about, you know what I mean? Like, calling out at least what happens before going into a bit. It's about acknowledging the situation you're in, to a certain degree. Because you're in a room full of live people that are watching on TV.
Especially, and the great thing about the comedy show is the open mic is so bizarre. So you're always going after, you know, 30% of the time of total catastrophe. And if you don't, like, mention it, it's like, did you not see it? Can you not tell that it's a total catastrophe?
Like, you need, I feel like it's important to be present. But make sure what you're going to say is probably going to work. Because what you're already doing by bringing up what just happened is you are being present. So by, if you don't have a direct ending at the end of you being present, and you're about to be unpresent and go into material, you have to segue into that in some way.
And I think you're, and I give you a lot of credit, because you're extremely sharp when it comes to creating the thought and being able to verbalize it within a short amount of time. You're, that's one of your staples. But another thing I fall back on when that doesn't work is... Well, not necessarily humor, because it's not always funny.
Sometimes it's spiteful. But I mean, like, word efficiency is very important. And I, like, I don't know what the ending of your gay brother joke is. Sure.
Very curious. But, um, I found myself, you're going a long ways to get to it. Yeah, it was a 60-second joke. I have a gay brother.
A lot of people ask me questions. A little too much pitter-patter. There's a little too much pitter-patter. Well, Seinfeld always says, like, tags only.
Like, you can literally boil down a joke to just tag, tag, tag, tag, tag. You can, I feel like there's just, there's always more and more efficient way to explain everything to the point where you have a joke where you literally can't take any words out anymore, because the joke won't make sense, but you don't need any more. Totally. And I had a 60-second last week that I think was the epitome of that.
I hit three points, but this week I tried to just extrapolate on it. And I remember, you know, one of the notes from that was, uh, get more into that gay brother thing. But what I want to say before we... Can I hear the punchline?
Yeah, go for it. What is it? How far away? No, no, no.
I ask my gay friends. They're the same question. Yeah, they're like, oh my God, no, but Ryan, it's who you are. It's part of your essence, part of your being.
Why, honey? You want to try? So basically, do you want... Same exact thing as the straight answer.
You've got to really trim up the front end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For 17 seconds, you can trim up... There's a lot of facts.
There's a lot of facts. A lot of people ask... I have a gay brother. A lot of people ask me questions.
And I realize myself, there is no gray line or whatever it is that you say. That can be four seconds. And right now, it's 17. Do you make it in the joke?
In the joke, have you sucked one dick and that's why you're curious? Well, the first time I ever performed that, someone asked me in the audience. They're like, did you try? Yeah, and you know...
Which, by the way, one, you're not, by the way. If anyone's curious and wants to, or thinking about it on the fence, I feel like you've got to get into the teens before you're really, like, officially a gay dude. There's so many different kinds of dicks. All dudes just want a blowjob.
All dudes just want a blowjob. Just doing a friend a favor, a lot of the time. You don't want to go out and make a mistake with someone he doesn't know. All right, no, thank you, guys.
There he goes. At Brian Moreno, 21 on Twitter. That's at Brian Moreno, 21. All I hear next comedian always gets lucky.
He's also a producer on the show. Big fan. Big fan. Big fan.
Big fan. Big fan. Big fan. Big fan.
Big fan. Big fan. Big fan. Hey, guys.
I feel like my body's kind of... I have a weird body. I realize. I have a very weird body.
I feel like it's fucking with me, though. Because I'm only 28. It's not old, but I feel like I'm old and young at the same time. And that's how my body's fucking with me.
For example, I'm getting white hairs on my chest, which really sucks. It's pretty bad to get white hairs on your chest. But I just grew chest hair a year ago. That's even worse.
That's really bad. That's all I wanted to do. Okay. Okay.
I mean, look. Do you say chest for me a couple more times? Like, it's good. Chest.
Chest. Chest. Chest. Chest.
Chest. Chest. Chest. It's borderline Southern.
Yeah. I'm from South as well. Chest. To be fair, it's not just about you being from the South.
It's a combination of Louisiana and speech impediment. Or Cartman, you guys. Yeah, kid, my papad. Yeah.
There is something very Cartman-y about you. Can you say... You're a real buffet of bad speech. Without trying to sound like Cartman at all, can you just say, fuck you, Kenny?
Uh, fuck you, Kenny? I think I goes up with that Kenny. Kind of a quiet moment from Cartman, but pretty often. Fuck you, Kenny.
Again, that's more natural. Wow. I was trying to speak normal. Did you really, uh, are you really getting gray hair on your chest?
I am. I'm, like, I'm plugging them out. Ow. What?
I'm plugging them out. I have a couple random white ones that I keep plugging them out because I refuse to go gray. That's weird, man. I have so much chest hair, but I got gray hair.
I feel like it's odd that it shows up first at the chest. Usually it's, like, here. Right. I have a here, but I have a here.
I got a few of my ears and my chest. Okay. Science says that, uh, people with, uh, people with speech impediments get gray hairs on their chest. Right.
Yeah, yeah. We all saw that show on Discovery. Yeah. I read that last week in, uh, Speech Impendiment Weekly.
Anyway. Um, I think that's, I like, conceptually, I like the, uh, that your body is a-fucking with you and you have young, old, and yourself at the same time. I think you're going to text, you need, like, a bunch more text. Totally.