Overcoming Scrupulosity OCD: Forget yourself and Get To Work Serving Others - Elder Garrett Baxter

Send us Fan MailThis episode of the Mission Stories podcast features Shawn and Lauren welcoming guest Garrett Baxter, who has just been set apart as "Elder Baxter" and is preparing to serve in the Baton Rouge, Louisiana mission. The discussion focuses on Principle Number One: Choosing to Serve the Lord ("Choose you this day").Shawn lays the foundation by explaining that this principle addresses whether a missionary chooses to be a person who acts or a person who is acted upon, emphasizing that exercising agency determines the mission's outcome.The Choice Between Hot, Cold, and LukewarmThe episode uses the scripture from Revelation 3:15-16, where the Lord expresses that he desires us to be either hot or cold, but not lukewarm, because he will "spew thee out of my mouth". Shawn highlights that a lukewarm state leads to being acted upon, rather than acting with purpose.Elder Baxter (Garrett) shared his personal story of living in a lukewarm state that caused him significant unhappiness and misery.Garrett's Struggle with Depression and LukewarmnessThroughout high school, Garrett struggled with severe depression and was diagnosed with scrupulosity OCD (the inherent fear of doing something morally wrong, often leading to guilt and the conviction that he was going to hell). He noted that while therapy helped with the OCD, the depression persisted, leaving him "at rock bottom".Shawn, Lauren, and Garrett discussed how this feeling of despair can stem from a misunderstanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the difference between the law of works (which requires perfection) and the law of the gospel (which requires faith, repentance, baptism, and the Holy Ghost). Garrett felt immense pressure to be perfect and described his spiritual efforts (reading scriptures, praying) as simply going through the motions—a practice that gave him no real insight or spiritual benefit. He felt he was constantly being "acted upon" by his circumstances and the overwhelming sadness. He admitted that during this period, his misery was rooted in selfishness, as his central focus was on himself and his own suffering.The V-Day Epiphany (Victory Day)Garrett reached his "V-Day" (Victory Day) while at BYU, where he realized that happiness was a choice. This realization was spurred by a class lesson, his patriarchal blessing, and, notably, studying figures who suffered rock bottom but maintained faith: Job, Joseph Smith (in Liberty Jail), and Jesus Christ on the cross. Garrett was deeply moved by the fact that even the Savior cried out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" during the Atonement, realizing that even the most perfect being understood his feelings of isolation and abandonment.Garrett's breakthrough involved choosing to forget himself and get to work serving others. Instead of praying, "Heavenly Father, please help me be happy," he changed his prayer to, "Heavenly Father, put someone in my path who needs my help today.". This choice to act and serve others, even in small ways (like complimenting a cool shirt), immediately brought immense joy and peace, shifting him from a miserable, lukewarm state to an empowered, hot state.Shawn emphasizes that this active choice to serve others and build them up is the core of the gospel, mirroring Christ's example and leading to true joy. Elder Baxter's final advice to listeners is simple: "Wake up and choose" to act and forget yourself in the work.