Why Being Regulated All The Time Is Bullsh*t!

If you’ve done “the work,” learned nervous system skills, gone to therapy… and you still get dysregulated, this episode is your permission slip to stop spiraling about it.In Episode 36 of But For Real, Val and Em break down what emotional regulation actually means—and why TikTok, pop psychology, and even therapy culture have wildly distorted it. We start the episode under-caffeinated, under-slept, and already dysregulated (relatable), then use that exact moment to talk about what being human really looks like.We answer a listener question from a self-described “dysregulated diva” who’s frustrated that anxiety spikes, shutdown, and emotional overwhelm still happen despite years of nervous system work. Spoiler: this does not mean therapy isn’t working.From there, we unpack:Why emotions are energy in motion, not instructionsHow emotional regulation has been hijacked by productivity cultureWhy the DSM doesn’t diagnose emotions—and why TikTok keeps trying toThe difference between emotional intensity and mental illnessWhy “never being activated again” is a scamHow DBT skills like urge surfing, TIPP, emotion naming, and opposite action actually work in real lifeWe also talk cicadas, kombucha shots, weaponized stoicism, BPD discourse on TikTok, why calm ≠ healed, and how regulation was never meant to make you quieter, easier, or more palatable.This episode is nervous-system education without toxic positivity, spiritual bypassing, or “rewire yourself once and for all” nonsense.If you’ve ever thought, “Why am I still like this?” — this one’s for you.We talk about:00:00 – Low brain power, re-recording chaos, and starting dysregulated02:00 – Real-life regulation: distraction vs. shifting state05:00 – Tea & Crumpets: unsettling movies, long-form content, and attention burnout09:30 – Step Into My Office: “If I still get dysregulated, is therapy working?”14:00 – Why “never being activated again” is a lie16:00 – What emotions actually are: energy in motion18:30 – Thoughts vs. emotions (aka: don’t believe every cicada thought)21:00 – How emotions get pathologized culturally23:00 – The DSM reality check (and why TikTok keeps misusing it)26:00 – BPD discourse, diagnostic criteria, and why labels are getting sloppy28:00 – What emotional regulation really means31:00 – Window of Tolerance myths & hot takes33:00 – DBT skills: urge surfing, TIPP, distress tolerance36:00 – Emotion naming & wise mind38:00 – Opposite action (what it is and what it is NOT)42:00 – Why skills work best outside of crisis43:30 – “But for real”: Regulation isn’t about being easier to deal with44:00 – Music picks & live reactions48:00 – Fire Dumpster Phoenix: restorative justice & peace monks53:00 – Final permission: you’re not failing, you’re respondingConnect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.