Building Confidence in Young Athletes

About 70% of kids drop out of sports by the age of 14, and of those, twice as many girls drop out than boys. That's the word from Nicole McCormack, general manager of brand solutions at TeamSnap, a technology platform for sports parents and coaches. Why do girls drop out and what can parents and coaches do to keep them in sports?

Honest Game, a female-owned sports tech company, conducted research in 12 states to date and has found that about 50% of high schools in the states studied lack an educational pathway for students to play NCAA college sports. This issue disproportionally impacts kids at under-resourced schools, where as many as one in two athletes lack the courses required by the NCAA. Joyce Anderson, co-founder and COO of Honest Game, explains how Honest Game can help ensure athletes complete the required courses.

As an attorney, Judie Saunders represents youth athletes in civil court, internal investigations, mediations and arbitrations. Bullying by coaches, physical and verbal abuse and sexual abuse are some of the issues she addresses for her youth athlete clients. Racial slurs and body shaming are also issues she addresses. Saunders, who serves as co-chair of Griesing Law’s confidential & sensitive investigations practice group, gives tips to parents about the legal avenues they can pursue for their sports kids. She stresses the need to remove kids from teams if they feel unsafe.

New concussion rules and regulations can build respect in young athletes for their opponents. In addition, the rules don’t hurt kids’ other mental game skills. That’s the word from Thomas Heiden, who played college hockey at Notre Dame and has coached many different sports for a few decades. He’s also a trial lawyer with Latham and Watkins and has tried high-profile sports lawsuits, including a high school concussion class action lawsuit.

Kids are coming to Skyhawks Sports Academy camps with confidence challenges, says Sarah Kelley-Reid, a sports parent and the East Coast regional manager at Skyhawks Sports Academy, which provides skill-based sports experiences for kids 4-14.She describes how teaching life skills--including respect, teamwork and inclusion--helps builds sports kids' confidence.

Recruiters and coaches look for a number of mental game traits when they’re evaluating athletes, says David Kmiecik, senior recruiting manager for Next College Student Athlete (NCSA). He describes how recruiters identify these traits and answers the question: How can athletes (and their parents) look their best in front of recruiters and college coaches?

Perfectionist sports kids are those most likely to seek help from Audrey Grunst, a mental performance coach, therapist and owner owner at Simply Bee. She's a former mental performance coach for Northwestern Women’s Volleyball Program. How do you help perfectionist kids? Start by saying "I love you, no matter what!"

Teams can keep score, even when kids are young, and the players will still have fun and learn physical and mental game skills. That's the message from former Walt Disney Studios Executive Sasha Graham, a sports mom, former youth sports coach and author of “Whitney Wins Everything.” Keeping score means young athletes learn how to cope with mistakes and losses. And they're better team players, she argues.

Baseball can be a "self-esteem destroying sport" because mistakes are a big part of the game, says Josh Thole, former catcher for the New York Mets and Toronto Blue Jays. But parents can help ensure the sport doesn't hurt their kids' self-esteem, he says. First of all, they shouldn't focus on mistakes, but instead, should concentrate on helping sports kids move past mistakes.

Pickleball’s popularity is growing quickly, with many schools offering it for the first time. The sport is easy to learn, doesn't require much equipment and is accessible to kids of all income levels. It offers the opportunity to build confidence and make new friends, say Mike Nielsen, the AAU’s new pickleball chief, and InPickleball president Richard Porter.

Stereotypes about girls in sports hurt girls' confidence, dreams and performance, says Donny DeDonatis III, CEO of the United States Specialty Sports Association (USSSA), a former pro athlete and the dad of twins in youth sports. He describes his worries about how such stereotypes affect his own daughter, age 7, and what he's doing to ensure girls and women have equal opportunities in sports.

What are the habits of supportive sports parents? Sharkie Zartman, a college professor, UCLA and USA national team volleyball athlete, author, coach and radio host explains how to best support young athletes.

A study by the Aspen Institute and Utah State University–commissioned by TeamSnap–revealed what parents want most from youth sports and how the pandemic affected kids’ ability to meet those goals. Team Snap’s survey showed that parents, most of all, want kids to have fun, said Peter Frintzilas, CEO of TeamSnap, a youth sports management app. Only 54 percent of parents said their kids are still having fun. Only 52 percent said that participating in youth sports is having a positive impact on kids’ mental health. And 52 percent said they felt like their young athletes were performing at pre-pandemic levels, meaning they hadn’t improved. How can parents help kids whose confidence and performance were undermined during the pandemic?

Coming out of the pandemic provides a much-needed opportunity to re-design youth sports in a way that provides kids with more fun and human connection, and ultimately, more confidence. That’s the word from Meredith Whitley, PhD, associate professor in Adelphi’s School of Health Sciences and co-editor of the Journal of Sport for Development. She provides tips for building connection and giving kids more control of their experience. She also suggests ways to create an inclusive and supportive team culture.

Communicating and connecting with sports kids is an important bonus of youth sports. Harley Rotbart, pediatrician, sports parent and author of the bestselling No Regrets Parenting says it’s important for parents to take advantage of the opportunities to connect with kids while helping them participate in youth sports. The car ride is one great opportunity, he says. During this “unprecedented” pandemic, it’s also critical to help sports kids cope with the challenges of social distancing and political battles at home, in school and at sports over mask wearing and vaccinations, he says.

In their efforts to help sports kids develop a growth mindset, parents and coaches should keep in mind that giving too many compliments can get kids "stuck" thinking they don't need to grow in certain areas, says Michaela Renee Johnson, bestselling author and a top iTunes podcaster with her ”But Why” podcast which encourages people to look at life with a growth mindset. She’s also a licensed therapist.

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High-fiving young athletes while staying silent is a powerful way to get kids excited about their sport, says Jarrett Robertson, a former pro hockey player and author of "Make it a Great Day: How to Feel Awesome So That You Can Help Others." He shares his strategies for ensuring kids love their sport.

Often, girls and young women compare themselves to their teammates or opponents, which hurts their confidence in sports. Mothers also compare their daughters to others in their sport, creating additional challenges for the girls, says Breanne Smedley, a certified female athlete Confidence Coach who works to empower female athletes.

When parents and their young athletes gain some understanding of how the nervous system works, they can better cope with fight, flight and freeze reactions. Sports performance consultant Pomai Miyata explains that nervous energy can be helpful. But when kids freeze, their nervous system is working against them. She gives tips for helping kids who tend to freeze up.

Often, parents focus too much on ensuring their kids are having fun in youth sports, which results in kids dropping out if the experience isn't fun or entertaining, says Jonathan Edwards, Olympian, speaker, coach and author of "An Athlete's Guide to Winning in Sports and Life." But kids don't drop out of math or English when they're no longer fun. What should parents focus on instead?

Body image worries. Fears of excelling and being chosen to lead. These issues undermine girls’ experiences in sports. Girls and young women not only worry about how they look; they’re concerned that other girls will be angry with them for doing well and being chosen for leadership positions, says Breanne Smedley, a certified female athlete Confidence Coach, former college volleyball player, youth sports coach and founder of The Elite Competitor. Girls and young women also mirror their mothers’ confidence issues, she says.

Communicating feelings, deep breathing and exercise are just three activities that help boost resilience in sports kids, says Dr. Randall Bell, a former youth sports coach and sports parent, a socio-economist and author of "Post-Traumatic Thriving: The Art, Science, & Stories of Resilience." Coaches and parents can help kids bounce back after setbacks by encouraging them to talk about how they feel, helping them practice deep breathing and ensuring they get exercise. It's also important for coaches and parents to acknowledge kids' feelings and use positive language, he says. Coaches naturally help accomplish these goals by providing an outlet for exercise, holding team meetings and being good listeners, he says.

Parents need to remember that sports should be the kids' journey, not the parents', says Amy Oliphant, a former Division 1 tennis player and founder, Transcend Mental Training, which provides mental conditioning coaching. What other tips does the youth sports coach and mom to four athletes suggest? Kids should play multiple sports, rather than specializing early and should help young athletes focus on the process.

"Trust the training," says Mark Jeffery, a London-based former Army officer and Army tennis champion who is helping organize an online summit, "Winning Summit," which includes a Sept. 19 event for sports parents. https://earlybird.winningsummit.com/ Jeffery explains how sports kids can turn off their tendency to overthink and just go for it, or trust the training. His suggestions are based on his experiences as an Army officer in the UK.

When gymnast Simone Biles experienced the "twisties" during the 2021 Olympics and withdrew, was the move due to a mental toughness lapse or a mental health challenge? Lisa Cohn chats with her brother, mental game expert Dr. Patrick Cohn, about the incident. What can sports parents learn from Biles' experience? Did Biles let down her country or was she brave to express her fears and difficulties?

Chris Meyer coached his son's team for nine years, from kindergarten through 8th grade. In this interview, the author of "Four Months...and a Lifetime," explains how he focused on teaching the young athletes life lessons. He reveals what he learned from his players, and gives sports parents tips about ensuring their kids are happy and confident in sports.

What does it mean when sports kids are "in" their hindbrain as opposed to their frontal lobe when practicing or competing? Pomai Miyata, a sports performance consultant, sports mom and founder of ICE Mental Game, explains that young athletes are more likely to perform intuitively, "just go for it" and get in the zone if they're in their hindbrain. She explains how parents can help their kids make the most of their hindbrains.

Sports kids may feel anxious about changing the routines they developed during the COVID pandemic, says Elizabeth Englander, a Ph.D psychologist, researcher, professor and author of "The Insanely Awesome Post-Pandemic Playbook." However, playing sports is a good way to transition to normal life, she says. She gives tips for helping sports kids make that transition.

Parents can connect with kids many ways when their kids are playing sports, says Dr. Harley Rotbart, pediatrician, sports parent and author of "No Regrets Living." One opportunity is helping them through losses or mistakes. Parents can teach kids to focus on being grateful for what they have, not on their losses. He also gives tips for focusing on growth, rather than winning.

Ryan Colby, a mental health specialist for athletes, is seeing a big jump in the number of kids experiencing anxiety and depression during the pandemic—and that includes sports kids who were already feeling pressure. “I’m seeing crazy spikes in anxiety and depression,” he says.

Kids can learn a number of “superpowers” by participating in sports--traits such as courage, resilience and character. That’s the message from Beth Brown, an educator with a Ph.D in sports psychology and the author of the children’s book series, “Adventures with Divot and Swish.” She’s also a former member of the University of Oklahoma basketball team as well as the conference champion women’s golf team.

Jack Canfield, co-creator of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series, peak performance expert and author of the new kids' book "I Can Believe in Myself" tells how to turn kids' "I can't" beliefs into "I can." He gives tips for helping kids step out of their comfort zone and explains how this helps them build confidence and learn life lessons. The father of four describes some of his experiences as a sports dad and coach.

Emotional contagion can run wild in youth sports teams, says Jess Woods, Ph.D, a sport and performance consultant, sports parent and youth sports coach. She explains how kids can "catch" emotions from parents, coaches and teammates, and how this can hurt--or help--a team's performance and perspective. She gives parents and coaches tips for helping kids avoid being negatively impacted by others' emotions in sports.

Resilience is an important trait for kids in sports. It helps them bounce back after losses, injuries and other types of adversity. Psychologist Kathryn Den Houter, author of Resilience: A Workbook: Powering Through Adversity to Find Happiness describes how parents can help kids be resilient and flexible. Dr. Den Houter is a former sports mom to a successful equestrian.

What's it like for a teen athlete to play sports, especially during the COVID-19 crisis? Deacon Clark is a high schooler who runs track and plays basketball. He discusses identity issues related to being an athlete, sports kids who aren't team players and what it was like feeling pressured to play basketball when he was injured. He described playing basketball in a school that didn't prepare well for COVID--and why he changed schools.

Why is it so important for young athletes to seek a balanced life, rather than focusing exclusively on sports? Hernan Chousa, a former tennis pro and sports dad to a Division 1 athlete, says that kids who lack balance will burn out more quickly and experience other challenges. Chousa will talk about parents in sports during a presentation at "The Winning Summit." https://2021.winningsummit.com/talks/parentshift/#

It’s important to build teams that focus on inclusion, which will boost all players’ confidence and success, says Nadine Haruni, a lawyer and author of “Freeda the Frog and Her New Blue Family.” She gives tips to help teams create inclusiveness and empathy for kids of color, as well as kids in non-traditional families. As a mother in a blended family with five kids, she speaks from experience.

For Cami Hawkins, CEO of Marathon Kids, which provides resources for schools to start running clubs, motivating kids is all about setting small goals and celebrating success. Hawkins describes how the organization’s coaches set goals that are specific to kids’ interests and abilities. They also celebrate participants’ successes

Kids and teens are getting sick from lack of exercise and outdoor play, says Dr. Dan O'Neill, an orthopedic surgeon, sports psychologist and author of "Survival of the Fit." Screen time and processed foods are the culprit. Twenty percent of kids are obese and many of them are suffering from ailments like diabetes, pre-diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol--adult illnesses.What can parents do to keep their kids healthy?

How does community help sports kids build confidence? V.J. Stanley, a coach, former teacher and author of numerous youth sports books explains how feeling supported by community boosts kids' confidence and performance. Equal playing time for kids 10 and under is just one way to build this community, he says. He also addresses the importance of trust, intuition and peace of mind in kids' sports.

Chasta Hamilton, author of "Trash the Trophies: How to Win Without Losing Your Soul" was seeing "red flags" In the dance scene, so decided to offer young dancers an alternative that feeds their souls. She instructs students to focus on the process, give back to their communities and embrace collaboration, among other issues. She tells Ultimate Sports Parent Radio how kids have grown from this program--and how kids in sports in general can benefit from this approach.

What's the link between having safe equipment--such as helmets--and feeling confident? Mike Oliver, executive director of the National Operating Committee on Standards for Athletic Equipment (NOCSAE) says that kids are more likely to feel confident if their equipment is safe. But sometimes, expensive equipment will make them too cocky, and vulnerable to injuries.

Rebekah Roulier--director of The Champions Network and a former NCAA Division 1 student athlete who has a degree in counseling--explains how coaches can help sports kids with mental health challenges, especially during the COVID-19 crisis. She also addresses the mental health impacts of systemic racism in youth sports.

Christian Buck, author of The Sport of School and a performance coach who has worked with college teams at Brown, Harvard and Yale, talks about the importance of creating a vision and setting goals in youth sports--and how these ideas can help kids in school. He also provides tips for helping kids stay in engaged in sports during the COVID-19 crisis.

Kate T Parker. a professional photographer and New York Times bestselling author of The Heart of a Boy and Strong is the New Pretty talks about girls and body image. How can parents help girls worry less about how they look in sports? She also addresses what she sees as the top challenge for girls in sports: how their parents communicate with them. Parker is an ironman and former collegiate (and current rec) soccer player.

Christie Pearce Rampone, a two-time Women's World Cup champion, three-time Olympic gold medalist, and former captain of the US Women’s National Soccer Team teams up with sports neuropsychologist and brain health expert Dr. Kristine Keane to provide tips to sports parents. In this podcast episode, the pair, authors of “Be All In: Raising Kids for Success in Sports and Life,” address topics that include alleviating youth sports pressures, dealing with perfectionists, helping kids learn from mistakes and why to avoid specialization.

Brian Levenson, a mental performance coach and author of "Shift Your Mind," describes helpful mindsets in youth sports, including "uncomfortable in preparation, comfortable in performance" and "selfish in preparation, selfless in performance." His aim is to help athletes, teams and organizations unlock their potential by understanding and embracing these mindsets. The key is to focus on "strong skills," including communication, resilience and teamwork, he says.

Adelaide Goodeve began coaching athletes of all ages in a very roundabout way. When she was struggling with chronic fatigue syndrome, she learned how to retrain her brain, and in doing so, became a triathlete. Now Adelaide helps pro and amateur athletes cut minutes off their time by finding performance solutions using mindset strategies & neuro performance technology. With sports kids, she focuses on using visualization and other strategies to improve their confidence.

Amy Bass, author of "One Goal: A Coach, a Team and the Game That Brought a Divided Town Together,” relates how refugees from Somalia brought soccer to the town of Lewiston, Maine and changed it in remarkable ways. The soccer coach listened to the refugee community and showed empathy to make this transition happen, says Bass, a professor of sport studies at Manhattanville College. She touches on the importance of athletes serving as role models in troubling times.