Complete Sobriety

Outside the country for a month and lazy. I need to get motivated and do something.

I find that I am more comfortable taking a risks expressive myself through music, speech, or social engagement Taking these risks exposes me to occadional embarrasment, which does not seem to hurt me much now that I am sober. I wish I was laughing more but I expect that to improve with time. The underlyibg change in me is that I don't take myself so seriously anymore.

I ofren do or say what others expect of me - somethijg I call "People Pleasing". I get myself into difficult situations when I do this which has created drama and anxiety. I need to be careful about people-pleasing

Some days go by without thinking about using any pot, which is miraculous for me. Some days were difficult though because of sadness or anger. I am dealing better than previous attempts at sobriety.

My Christmas gift to young listeners is a warning. Modern weed is dangerous for young brains, it can make kids psychotic, or permanently damage their brain. Bryn Spejcher turned psycho and killed the guy she was smoking with. She told her story to Dr. Phil in the video below.https://youtu.be/vrSfv_Wrfac?si=ED3wtR3BYM--WoJJ

I am feeling a heaviness in my chest and not connecting with others very well. I want to be aware of sensations in my body and the feeings that cause them. Then I want to identify life events that cause those feelings. Once I trace it back to life events, I can determine what I can control: change what I can and accept what I cannot.

I am now sober longer the second longest time period in my entire adult life. It should be a a time to celebrate but my feelings are mixed.

A primitive fear of death might be a root cause of my addiction. I use alcohol and drugs to comfort my fears and insecurities.

I listened some audio journals from my last attempt at quitting THC and compare to how I am doing this time. My last attempt lasted 56 days until relapse.

Three events made me feel like I dont belong. I notice that this emotion can dominate how I feel about everything. Individual events do not take away all purpose in life. The truth is that there are communities and groups where I fit in just fine.

Someone from group suggested that I go back and repeat my 12 steps. Initially, that irritated me and I thought defensively. But after considering how I accept criticism in some areas, I realize that I don't like criticism about my addiction recovery. My ego and self-centeredness become obstacles.

We had Thanksgiving at my house this year. Much better to share a meal with friends that want community than chasing what it used to be in childhood. This is the start of holiday season which is fraught with challenges for an addict like me.

Lots of stuff has broken or failed recently. Some things I fixed. Somethings I called for help. I realized that my bad thinking wasn't helping and rational problem-solving was a better approach. Addicts like me can become trapped in crazy thinking and an unhealthy victim attitude.

The modern world has become flooded with information, which benefits me in many ways but there are downsides. The Information Age has come to an end and the world is entering the "Attention Age".

One major symptom of Sobriety is my lack of Life Force which has become an obstacle to accomplishing chores and physical activity. I call it Life Force because this is different than physical strength or my desire to do things. It might be lack of sleep, poor nutrition, or an unknown cause that I need to discover.

I listened to another podcast of a guy sober from pot who laughed and giggled. It has been a long time since I have laughed.

Without alcohol or pot, my mind is more active and has a tendancy to race. Some might call this rumination. In the past, my over active mind has driven me to drink or drug. This time, I gently guided my thoughts to pleasant or neutral topics.

I have collected biometrics about myself and analyze how THC effects my sleep. Scientists say that quality sleep is essential for health yet most people, especially addicts, do not get enough.

I quit alcohol and switched to pot to get high. It seemed like a good idea at the time but then it resulted in me becoming addicted to something else. Substituting one drug for another has not been the best way to get sober.

I had a busy day running between meetings and working on a long list of tasks. My back cramped up and I was sighing a lot. Schedule adjustments are needed to maintain my Sobriety.

The literature guy and I have a strained relationship and are not communicating. I want to make ammends with him for the benifit of both of us and the group at large.

Yesterday, my tenant turned away the electrician because of their appearance. I think that was unfair and prejudiced which irritated me. Today, I went over there myself to let the elctricians into the unit so they could complete the job. I could have confronted the tenant about it but I chose not to.

Trying something new for the Complete Sobriety podcast by bringing on a guest. Sir Pas and I will talk about joy in our lives and how drugs have factored into our experience of joy.

SInce quitting marijuana, I have been losing weight. Today, I am happy to report that my weight has dropped below 200 pounds! While using THC, I snack and over-eat, and my weight changes over the past couple months clearly reflects that.

A few days ago, I was invited to a small church. Today, after my regular mediation meeting, I attended that church for sunday service . Lots of youth and energy!

Being alone is healthy when it's not too much (isolation) or too little (lost identity). I try to mix a little alone time in my life to maintain my mental health.

There was a disagreement at group this morning and one guy became upset and stormed out because of the decision. Seemed like an over-reaction to me, and reminded me of my behavior in the past. Conflict with people can make me upset, but there are healthy ways to get along with others, even after blowing up.

I know men dont normally get hot flashes, but I felt two today. And the ringing in my ears has been getting worse. Could this be related to cortisol?

The last time I experienced a dream was when last quitting marijuana. I am happy to report that I am dreaming again and have been journalling what happened in my dream, as well as any sensations or emotions felt. Dreams are gifts from my subconscious that I pay attention to, because some deeply buried emotions and inner conflicts are hidden within them. Most pot smokers dont get to dream.

The anxiety from yesterday drained me so that I woke up late this morning. Exhaustion and lethargy have been predominant symptoms whenever I quit THC.

I felt depressed for no logical reason. Rather than being self-critical, I did some reading and introspection instead.

Last night I felt socially akaward, that I was boring and did not fit in. But feelings dont necessarily match reality.

I had been impatient over the past day but a yoga class has me feeling centered and relaxed. I must remember to leave the outcome of things outside of my control in God's powerfuls hands.

When I say NO to others I feel like a bad person, my chest grows heavy and the temptation to use drugs enters my mind.

Group Meetings help me maintain my serenity while Completely Sober. I go to several meetings per week, at different locations, with different people.

Some of my symptoms match marijuana pyscosis described in medical journals. And if it became worse, it could have led to full blown sczophrania!

While doing yardwork this morning, I spilled the fertilizer, which led me to an angry Outburst. Quitting THC makes me moody.

Social situations like parties and dancing aren't my comfort zone but I did it last night completely sober.

Woke up in the middle of the night with a light headache and ringing in my ears.

My body continues to clean the pot out of my system. I am feeling Cotton in my Head which continues to effect my ability to speak and think.

This is my story of quitting pot, or THC, to achieve Complete Sobriety . I am attemptiong to quit after 30+ years of drinking and drugging. This podcast will include 10 minute episodes that explain how I am feeling each day. The intent is share my experience and coping methods I am using to get clean and enjoy a sober life. This podcast is made available as an inspiration or example to others who may be attempting to quit.

DIdnt do so well at a speaking event because of the lingering brain fog from my final hit of THC last night. Should I throw out my stash?