117 Mandate Podcast

Send a textEver found yourself in a heated argument with your spouse over something as trivial as dishes in the sink, only to watch it spiral into questioning whether you even value each other? You're not alone. This relationship phenomenon—where small triggers ignite emotional explosions—reveals something profound about our connections."You're never actually fighting about the dishes," Harold McGee Jr. explains in this illuminating episode. "You're fighting from a place of disconnection." Drawing from both personal experience and professional insight, Harold unpacks why these seemingly minor conflicts escalate so dramatically and offers practical tools to transform them into opportunities for deeper intimacy.At the heart of these conflicts lies our nervous system's inability to distinguish between physical and emotional threats. When your partner sighs or uses "that tone," your brain goes into red alert, shuttling you into fight, flight, or freeze mode before you even realize what's happening. This neurological hijacking explains why logical conversations can suddenly veer into emotional chaos.The episode introduces game-changing strategies including the timeout protocol, physical regulation techniques, and the powerful XYZ formula for clear communication: "When X happens, I feel Y, and I need Z." These structured approaches help prevent automatic reactions when emotions run high. For couples with faith backgrounds, Harold reclaims biblical concepts like prayer as neurosynchronization and submission as mutual surrender to enhance connection.Perhaps most transformative is the shift from pursuing perfect communication to mastering perfect repair through recognition, responsibility, remorse, and reconnection. Every relationship experiences disconnection—what matters is how quickly and thoroughly you restore the bond. Ready to stop arguing about dishes and address what's really happening in your relationship? Listen now and do the work that could transform your marriage forever.

Send a textWhat if your greatest pain is actually preparation for your greatest purpose? That profound question anchors this special Resurrection Sunday episode where we explore how our deepest struggles often become our most powerful ministry qualifications.Drawing inspiration from Jesus' experience of the cross, we discover something remarkable about suffering. In Gethsemane, Jesus demonstrated what modern psychology would call acute stress response—even sweating drops of blood, a condition known as hematidrosis that occurs only under extreme distress. Yet this ultimate stressor led to resurrection and the declaration that "all authority in heaven and earth" had been given to Him.This pattern of stress transforming into strength isn't just spiritual theory. Modern research on post-traumatic growth shows that 50-60% of trauma survivors report profound positive transformations: deeper relationships, greater compassion, discovered personal strength, new life possibilities, and enhanced spiritual connection. Through compelling biblical examples like Joseph and David, alongside contemporary stories, we see how suffering becomes specialized knowledge that equips us with unique authority.The seven-step "sacred pathway" offers a practical framework for transforming your pain into purpose: honestly acknowledging your pain, processing it in community, finding redemptive meaning, developing specialized knowledge, sharing your healed wounds as testimony, accepting your new authority, and creating resurrection structures that build lasting legacy from your redeemed suffering.Your crucible moment—that stress that feels like it might break you—could be exactly what God uses to make you a healer of others. But only if you trust the process from garden to grave to glory, just as Jesus did. This resurrection principle transforms our greatest stress into our greatest strength and purpose.

Send a textThe moment a woman begins sharing the specific details of her abuse or trauma—not just abstract feelings, but vivid sensory memories, exact phrases her abuser used, or the particular scriptures weaponized against her—something powerful happens. For every woman listening who's experienced similar trauma, these details become the first crack in the trance that has kept her captive.Drawing from neuroscience research, pastoral counseling experience, and scriptural insights, this episode explores why healing comes through the specificity of our stories. When trauma lodges in our bodies and distorts our perception, it's not enough to understand abuse intellectually—we need to identify with others who've walked similar paths and found freedom.Trauma doesn't just destroy safety; it convinces victims that wrong is right, that abuse is love, that silence is holiness, and—most destructively—that they themselves are the problem. This distortion becomes particularly dangerous in religious contexts where scripture becomes twisted into a tool of control. Many survivors had an initial sense that something was wrong but were systematically trained to ignore their own discernment.The pathway toward healing includes three foundational steps: journaling your story with complete honesty and detail, naming the specific lies taught in God's name, and finding safe community where your truth can be witnessed and validated. Through these practices, survivors can reclaim not just their voices but their relationship with God and themselves.Your detailed testimony isn't just therapy—it's a flashlight illuminating someone else's darkness. Every vivid memory you bring to light becomes an invitation for another woman to realize she's not crazy and she's not alone. Your healing journey isn't just personal restoration; it's an act of sacred resistance against systems of oppression that thrive when pain is spiritualized and silence is moralized.

Send a textExternal validation keeps us trapped in cycles of performance that obscure our true identity and exhaust us spiritually, emotionally, and physically. We're learning to rediscover who God created us to be by breaking free from people-pleasing and returning to our authentic selves.• Trading authenticity for attachment teaches us to perform for love rather than receiving it freely• Spiritualized people-pleasing in faith communities isn't service—it's survival motivated by fear• Validation-seeking compromises your calling, cements your mask, and silences the Holy Spirit• Self-reflection helps you discover who you are when not performing• Returning to God's narrative replaces toxic labels with biblical truth about your identity• Practicing graceful "no's" protects your boundaries and creates space for purposeful "yes"• Healing your inner child with compassion addresses the root of performance addiction• Disconnecting from digital stimulation creates space to reconnect with God and yourself• Stop chasing validation from people who didn't die for you—only Jesus did that

Send a textMentorship plays a vital role in enhancing marriage and family life, as discussed through personal stories and examples. This episode emphasizes the need for relationship mentors and offers guidance on how to seek, initiate, and maintain those connections for mutual growth.• Importance of mentorship in marriage and parenting • Personal struggle with early marriage dynamics • Statistics highlighting the gap in mentorship • Steps for initiating and maintaining mentorship relationships • Continuous refinement of goals with mentor support • Next steps to start your mentorship journey with me as your mentor

Send a textPicture this - you’ve just capped off a long, grueling day at work. You step into your home, the sweet haven where your spouse awaits, ready to embrace you, providing both a biological and spiritual uplift - a mutual understanding and support that transcends the confines of a typical day. Journey with us, two married men, as we paint a canvas of our experiences in marriage - how we learned to envision our spouse's dreams as our own, the challenges we faced in maintaining a balance between work, ministry, and family life, and how the right amount of communication and space helps us weather the tempests of frustration.We've all been there – juggling relationships, work and dreams, only to realize at some point that it's just not possible to keep all those balls in the air. But trust us when we say, we've found the sweet spot. Hear us out as we share how we learned to prioritize our spouses amidst the whirlwind of our ministry and work commitments. Discover how we affirmed and supported our wives, believing and investing in their dreams, and the transformative impact it brought to our marriages. We promise, it's not as daunting as it sounds - it's more rewarding than you can imagine!Let's step into a realm often tiptoed around - the gender roles within a marriage. We challenge the outdated religious beliefs and underscore the importance of men taking on leadership roles, all while acknowledging the unique strengths and callings of their wives. We'll share our stories of growth and maturity in areas such as finances and decision-making – all credit to our wives. Listen in, as we unravel the dynamics of a strong and supportive marriage where both partners lead and support each other. Come, let's peel back the layers of marriage and discover its beautiful complexity together.

Send a textEver wondered why some men behave differently at home than in the workplace? We bring you an enlightening discussion that traverses this intriguing terrain, and more. We decode the complexities of maintaining different façades in various spheres and stress the significance of consistency and authenticity, especially for our children. We also dive into the importance of self-care and the struggles men face in expressing their emotions safely, sharing personal anecdotes that will make you reflect and rethink.Taking you along on our journey of personal growth, we explore the undeniable value of vacationing for mental health. We recount our early experiences with travel, the hurdles we faced, and the unexpected bonds we forged by including our church in our vacations. With insights into various stress and pressure relief activities, we underline the necessity of breaks from relentless work. As we reflect on a surprise birthday surprise, you'll see how these seemingly simple acts can be a significant reminder. In our concluding segment, we recognize the value of non-traditional church platforms. We discuss how these extend beyond physical boundaries, providing spaces for critical and often sidelined conversations. Join us in this engaging and thought-provoking discussion that promises to inspire and challenge you in ways you might not expect!

Send a textAre you ready to challenge your perceptions and see counseling in a new light? We're here to dismantle preconceived notions and expose the true value of trust, transparency, and spiritual parenting within the realm of counseling. Building trust is no simple task, especially when it comes to sharing personal struggles and seeking guidance. Yet, we recount our own transformative experiences to express just how crucial trust is in the journey of healing and spiritual growth.Have you ever considered the role spiritual parents play in nurturing faith? We certainly have, and we're excited to share our insights! We shed light on our spiritual parents - Pastors Ed and Helen - who have been instrumental in enhancing our resilience during challenging times. Moreover, we underscore the importance of spiritual mentors in guiding younger believers. Moving on, we grapple with the stigmas attached to counseling, especially within the black community. With an open mind, let's explore why these stereotypes need to be broken and how counseling can be as critical as physical healthcare for maintaining our mental well-being.Finally, we turn our attention to the church's role in addressing mental health. Drawing from my experiences in the military and my work with PTSD and addiction patients, we advocate for creating a safe space within the church for individuals dealing with mental health issues. Join us as we accentuate how important it is for the church to provide a supportive environment for those struggling. Our hope is that our conversation inspires you to approach counseling from a completely new perspective, realizing the monumental role it plays in both mental health and spiritual growth. Let's begin this enlightening journey together.

Send a textGet ready to embark on a transformative journey! With our brilliant guest Aaron AP3 Porter, we pull back the curtain on mental health and trauma within the church. Aaron, a beacon of wisdom, takes us on a thought-provoking exploration, helping us understand the significance of mental health, soul care, and the urgent need to burst the stigma bubble enveloping these topics in the religious context. We delve deep into the dual facets of mental health - the scientific and spiritual - and discuss our personal experiences with childhood trauma, the impact it has on our self-perception, and the vital essence of breaking free from past traumas.Together, we visit the realms of forgiveness, and its impact on men's mental health, especially in their relationships with their fathers. We emphasize choosing forgiveness and learning to let go of past hurts as a liberating force. The conversation takes a turn towards the importance of counseling and therapy within the church. We confront the stigmatization that associates seeking mental health help with weakness and underline the necessity of therapy for everyone - not just those living in crisis. As we tread further, our discussion revolves around the importance of humility, self-awareness, and the ability to acknowledge our limitations in providing effective counseling. We stress on the significance of leaving personal triggers and biases at the door during counseling sessions and relying on a higher power. The episode is brimming with wisdom, peppered with real-life stories and experiences, and packed with transformative insights on mental health and well-being. So join us on this journey of self-discovery and healing. Let's open our hearts to the experience, and who knows - we might just walk out transformed on the other side.

Send a textReady for a transformative journey? This episode is a commitment to growth, not just in your relationships, but also within yourself. Today, we're peeling back layers as we discuss the concept of 'arrested development' and how unresolved personal traumas can lead to it, stunting our growth and causing immature behaviors within our relationships. We'll also be unveiling a surprise in this episode that could be the game-changer you and your spouse are looking for!Then we switch gears to explore love in its most challenging, yet rewarding form, the kind that pushes us towards maturity even when faced with our partner's immature behaviors. We discuss the importance of healthy confrontations and how leaning into discomfort can actually be the catalyst for personal and relational growth. We're not just talking about the challenges, but also celebrating the victories along the way. By the end of this discussion, you'll be equipped with insights and strategies to help you navigate your way to a more fulfilling and mature relationship. This is your chance to redefine growth and commitment within your marriage. Let's get started!

Send a textEver felt like you're living several lives at once and just can't seem to find stability? Well, you're not alone! On this insightful journey, we're tackling cognitive dissonance, a beast that can wreak havoc on our mental health if left unchecked. We're unmasking the truth about the strain of portraying different personas to different people and how that can lead to confusion and mental breakdowns. More than that, we're arming you with a toolkit to combat triggers and navigate tough times.But we're not stopping there! As we shift gears into exploring personal growth, we underline the importance of self-development and the role of a solid support system. Growth is a journey, and it's one we shouldn't walk alone! We're here to show you why investing in yourself is not just beneficial but essential for your mental well-being, and how the right companions on this journey can be game-changers. Whether you're looking for spiritual guidance or practical tools, we're offering insightful advice on overcoming personal challenges and owning your growth process. Get ready for a transformative journey towards a more stable, fulfilled you!

Send a textPicture this: a newlywed couple, both in college, grappling with the weight of unresolved personal issues. Sounds like an uphill battle, right? This is the story of my life. The first three tumultuous years of my marriage were riddled with personal struggles from a lingering pornography addiction to anger and financial tribulations. I had to unlearn my singlehood and learn to protect my wife and our relationship. At one point, my wife even considered divorcing me, but I was determined to change for the better.Fast-forward to a time when I had to face the ghosts from my past. A childhood filled with trauma, and a narcissistic personality that was a byproduct of this trauma. Determined to change, I sought therapy, embraced the process, and learned to put others before myself. Now, imagine striving to reestablish trust after a crippling addiction to pornography. I had to remind myself that I deserved healing and that I was worth the effort. With transparency, vulnerability, accountability, and community, I managed to rebuild the trust I had lost. Today, I stand before you, a man free from his past, striving each day to keep the trust of those around him intact. Join me as I share this journey of self-discovery and healing.

Send a textStrap in for a soul-stirring journey as we navigate my life which has been marred by childhood trauma, drugs, and homelessness but I triumphantly emerged on the other side. This episode is an intimate look into my life as I became a father figure to my family at a young age while grappling with the harsh realities of inner-city life, including police brutality and relentless violence. Hear about the unforgettable moment I was handed my first gun at the tender age of nine and the struggle of caring for my mother who was plagued by blackout seizures.This story of resilience doesn't stop at the harrowing experiences of a challenging childhood, it's also a tale of transformation. Probing the depths of these experiences, I'll shed light on the long-lasting effects of childhood trauma and the journey toward healing. It's about a young boy who had to grow up too soon, carrying the weight of adult responsibilities and the baggage it brought into his relationships. However, amidst the chaos, this tale is one of hope, resilience, and an awe-inspiring transformation.Finally, I will explore the redemptive power of faith and the role it played in the restoration of my life. Despite the trials and tribulations, a source of strength emerged from an unlikely place- a belief in Jesus that became a beacon of hope. My discussions will extend into the importance of mental health and how it can be harnessed to transform lives. This episode promises to leave you inspired, humbled, and more appreciative of the journey called life. So tune in to this candid conversation and let's walk this journey together.

Send a textDo you ever feel like you're wearing a mask, pretending to hold it all together, while you're secretly struggling under the weight of hidden emotions? You're not alone. As men, our mental health can often take a backseat due to societal expectations of remaining 'strong'. This captivating conversation unravels the significance of community, vulnerability, and prioritizing mental health, especially for us men. We dig into the challenges of overcoming personal hurdles and the substantial role a community can play in reaching our full potential.Imagine having a safe space to bare your soul, a place to defy the taboo of vulnerability among men, and a tribe that encourages your growth. Sounds too good to be true? Well, it isn't. This episode echoes the compelling journey of a guest who discovered the importance of mental health, and vulnerability and found his tribe. He shares, with admirable courage, his deep-seated issues, the confrontations that triggered growth, and the divine guidance that led him to his tribe. His journey is a testament to the transformative power of a supportive community. So, gear up and get ready to be inspired to construct your own space of healing and self-discovery.

Send a textBrace yourself for an unfiltered tale of resilience and redemption, as we bare our souls with our good friend, David Simmons. David, in an extraordinarily brave act, lays bare his lifelong battle with mental health, a struggle sparked by a traumatic experience when he was only seven. He takes us on a rollercoaster journey of his life, an intimate portrayal of how he grappled with depression, anxiety, isolation, and rejection, yet managed to rise above it all.In this deeply personal conversation, David underlines the critical role of seeking professional help and putting in the work to conquer these mental health challenges. He highlights the essence of trusting the right people, nurturing healthy relationships, and embracing the support of specialists. David offers invaluable insights on adjusting to life's twists and turns, drawing from biblical narratives to emphasize the importance of purpose and hard work. This episode serves as a beacon of hope and encouragement for those struggling with their mental health, illuminating the path to healing and recovery. Listen in and be inspired by David's compelling narrative of triumph over adversity.

Send a textEver wondered how the power of prophetic words can strengthen your marriage and help you in your personal struggles? As Stan Jackson joins us in this enlightening conversation, we promise you'll discover a whole new perspective on the importance of divine messages. We delve into the often underestimated role of husbands and how a divinely inspired word can uplift a wife during her challenging moments. This discussion goes beyond just uttering words, it's about embracing them in your life, which calls for sacrifice and absolute dedication.As we navigate through this spiritual journey, we also emphasize the significance of seeking direction and commitment from God. Building a relationship with Him, just like you would with a friend or parent, requires continuous communication—seeking, asking, and knocking. We also explore the absolute necessity of having a clear vision for your family's future and the true leadership it demands. Drawing inspiration from David’s story in the Bible, we reflect on his fearlessness in the face of death, a testament to his unwavering faith. Furthermore, we delve into the significance of positioning oneself for blessings and how being at the right place at the right time can open up opportunities for divine favor. Tune in, and let this spiritually profound conversation be a game-changer in your personal and family life.

Send a textHave you ever wondered how personal transformation begins? How embracing accountability can turn your life around? My dear friend, Stan Jackson, returns to the show to peel back the layers of these intriguing questions. Together, we navigate the journey of self-discovery and growth, unearthing how one’s reaction to issues can be a game-changer. Stan shares his life-altering realization about accountability, particularly in the home, illustrating how it mirrors our own self-image and parenting.Can the power of prayer alter the course of our lives? I share my thoughts on this profound topic, emphasizing the need for sensitivity to the Holy Spirit in our decision-making. A significant part of this episode delves into the concept of earned leadership, which springs from being a well-rounded leader. Stan and I caution against manipulation tactics in relationships, such as 'buying love', and stress the importance of praying with your partner to strengthen your bond.Stan's personal journey takes a captivating turn as he recalls a pivotal moment when his wife urged him to include prayer in their daily routine. As he discusses the role of proximity and complacency in his spiritual journey, we shift focus to the importance of intentional commitment to prayer and being accountable to others. Listen as Stan articulates the ripple effect of taking oneself seriously - a transformational move that inspires those around us to rise to the same level. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone seeking to deepen their spiritual journey and personal growth. Tune in, and let's explore the power of prayer and its critical role in shaping our lives.

Send a textHave you ever wondered what it means to be a man, or wondered about the interplay between pain and identity? Join me and my dear friend Stan Jackson in a candid conversation addressing such critical issues. Venturing into deeper waters, we discuss how identifying your purpose can be a safeguard against destructive life patterns and how pain can transform into a potent ministry. We reflect on the significance of having a clear vision, and how this clarity can bolster personal growth. Hear about the power of accountability and how your partners can be instrumental in you realizing your full potential. The critical role of leading your family, the perils of overcompensation, and the role of emotional and spiritual intelligence in mending strained relationships are also part of our insightful dialogue. So, tune in for this heartwarming conversation that aims to uplift, inspire, and enlighten.

Send a textHave you ever grappled with self-doubt, that insidious little voice that inhibits growth and progress? This week, join us as our guest, Kyle Golden, unpacks his personal battle with this invisible enemy. He paints an intimate portrait of his journey through darkness and the struggle with stagnation that self-doubt can impose, illuminating the liberating power of self-forgiveness. Be ready to confront the destructive potential of doubt, learn how to break its generational patterns, and unravel the road to liberation.Ever felt the sting of unresolved communication issues in relationships? We all have, and this conversation is for you. We dissect these issues, shedding light on the significance of forgiveness, the necessity to confront detrimental behaviors instead of bottling them up, and how our past experiences can sharpen our communication skills. Brace yourself for a deep dive into understanding anger, communication, and relationships.The ride gets even more thrilling as we navigate the terrain of vulnerability and trust on the path to mental and spiritual wellbeing. Our guest, Kyle, demonstrates that embracing discomfort is the gateway to personal growth, and sharing your struggles can be transformative. We also highlight the importance of trust, not only in the person you're opening up to but also in their spiritual discernment. Get ready to learn, evolve, and become part of a conversation that could change your life.

Send a textPrepare to embark on a spiritual journey with our esteemed guest, Kyle Golden, as we shed light on an important but often overlooked aspect of our lives - our purpose, freedom, and legacy. Kyle’s own journey is not one of simplicity but rather a complex battle of overcoming personal struggles with lust and the strength found in vulnerability. Listen in as he shares his experience of navigating through temptations and the pivotal role discipline played in his life. As we navigate further into this enlightening conversation, we’ll touch upon the power of prayer and spiritual discipline. The discussion takes a deep dive into the importance of good physical health in serving the Lord and the menacing role of distractions, such as social media, in our spiritual journey. Do you truly understand the power of prayer? Have you ever considered the significance of an intercessor? Kyle discusses these elements, bringing a fresh perspective to the table.Lastly, we venture into the fascinating world of biblical masculinity. Could it help us stand stronger in the face of truth? Kyle’s powerful conviction leading to his marriage just four days later serves as a testament to this. We also ponder upon how fear of the Lord can lead to wisdom and discernment and the potential pitfalls of taking God's grace and mercy for granted. Join us for this insightful conversation to expand your understanding and strengthen your spiritual foundation.

Send a textAre you ready to embark on a transformative journey of faith, resilience, and self-discovery? Join us on an engaging conversation with Kyle Golden, a Southern Illinois man whose life has been a whirlwind of life-altering events this year. From undergoing baptism with his wife to becoming expectant parents and experiencing spiritual growth, Kyle's narrative is truly inspirational. He'll share his process of internal self-improvement, which he dubs as "Doing the Work," and how it has molded his life.Kyle will also open up about his personal journey towards better mental health, drawing light to the significance of "Doing the Work." Hear his empowering story of working with Tina Porter, a counselor from his church, who played a pivotal role in navigating him towards a healthier mindset. Furthermore, he'll touch on the cultivation of a brotherhood relationship, early morning prayers, and how these spiritual discourses provide a sanctuary for men to relate to their personal stories and paths. Don't miss out on this compelling episode that's sure to inspire and uplift you!