As Per My Last Podcast

Agenda: Water Cooler Chat Earth DayBrain peaking post 50New Apple CEO for first time since 2011World Cup pumping up economies all over the countryThe Hump (Main Topic) - Cutting Corporate BenefitsFuck ‘Em All Fridays - Also Cutting Corporate Benefits For links, and a newsletter version of everything discussed on this episode, please see the accompanying ⁠As Per My Last Newsletter Issue 7. ⁠To support our work and be the coolest kid at the corporate cafeteria, go to our ⁠⁠Etsy shop⁠⁠ and purchase a funny t-shirt.Also, we love feedback so if you have suggestions, questions or ever want to be on the show, comment on spotify or email us at [email protected].

Topics include: Water Chat on NBA/NHL Playoffs, Avg car now $50k, Tickets from buses, and 1.6M new businesses started, Main topic - Employee Engagement (or lack of it), and F*ck 'Em All Fri.- Mid Yr Career ReviewsFor links, and a newsletter version of everything discussed on this episode, please see the accompanying As Per My Last Newsletter Issue 6. To support our work and be the coolest kid at the corporate cafeteria, go to our ⁠Etsy shop⁠ and purchase a funny t-shirt.Also, we love feedback so if you have suggestions, questions or ever want to be on the show, comment on spotify or email us at [email protected].

Water Cooler Chat on Artemis mission, March Madness ends, Fast Charge Ev's and Stomping for Health, Main Topic is time your job steals outside work, and Fuck'Em All Fridays on "Not My Job" people. For links, and a newsletter version of everything discussed on this episode, please see the accompanying As Per My Last Newsletter Issue # 5, “Worry Up and Hate”To support our work and be the coolest kid at the corporate cafeteria, go to our Etsy shop and purchase a funny t-shirt

Water Cooler chat on office birthdays, baseball's opening day, spring springing and airports being terrible. Main topic is Corporate Red Flags. F*ck 'Em All Fridays on forced fun. For links and a newsletter version of everything discussed on this episode, please see the accompanying As Per My Last Newsletter Issue # 4, “Grateful Red Flags.”Thanks for listening!

Water cooler chat on weather, oil prices, St. Pattys and March MadnessMain topic is generation numb-don't feel shit, don't give a shitFuck'Em All Fridays is on corporate buzzwords-enough already. Check our our accompanying newsletter at https://aspermylastnewsletter.substack.com

The episode includes these three segments: Slide 1 - Water Cooler Chat with these topics: -F1 is back!-McD's CEO nibble gate-Daylight savings sucks envelope glue-Six years since Covid Slide 2 - The Hump (Main Topic) - Fragile corporate executive egos and how they ruin our lives as casually as they order a half soy half oat milk non-fat latte with splenda. Last Slide - F*ck 'Em All FridaysWe give a resounding rebuke to our least favorite form of language, corporate jargon. Check out our accompanying newsletter on substack with all associated links, and what we've been reading/watching this week at https://aspermylastnewsletter.substack.com/

Check out our new format for the new season. The episode includes these three sections: Slide 1 - Water Cooler Chat with these topics: -U.S. Hockey Winning the Olympics-Mortgage Rates dropping below 6%-A speculative fiction memo dropped the stock market hundreds of points-We bombed iran...Slide 2 - The Hump (Main Topic) - The Office Passion Pit. We discuss how to be divested from the outcomes in jobs where you teach people to be invested in the outcomes. We get into why it pisses us off and what we do about it. Last Slide - F*ck 'Em All FridaysHere we discuss why people that tell you "why don't you just quit" need to walk into traffic. Check out our new newsletter on substack at https://aspermylastnewsletter.substack.com/

As Per My Last Podcast - Season 1 Episode 23 - Real AI for my Sham Friends and Champagne for my Reel Friends In this episode: The rich, the powerful, and criminals aren’t separate groups — they’re just LinkedIn connections away.The world’s greatest art thief got immunity because he stole too much art, proving “too big to jail” is a real career path.Art is basically money laundering with vibes: “Why is this worth $3 million?” “Because I like it.”NFTs were just modern art scams with worse visuals and Jake Paul instead of a monocle-wearing dealer.A mob hitman tried to destroy evidence, lit himself on fire twice, and was foiled by… an electric grill.Corporate America’s favorite power move: letting you leave early like it’s a Christmas miracle you earned.Working in an office before holidays felt like prison, except with Excel instead of yard time.Blackout Wednesday died because alcohol is expensive, Uber is expensive, and staying home with AI is free and validating.AI laughs at all your jokes, which explains why humans are suddenly intolerable.We’ve achieved peak convenience, peak isolation, and somehow more kidney failure — progress!

As Per My Last Podcast Season 1 Episode 22 - Pro Athletes and Con Men - In this episode:Keyboard shortcuts: where grown adults forget how letters work and accidentally print 15 copies of their own incompetence.Screenshots: the corporate version of “I’m not stealing… I’m archiving.”File names: because nothing says “organizational system” like saving a budget meeting screenshot as B1_Final_FINAL_wtf.png.Excel VLOOKUP: the skill you relearn every six months like it’s the plot of Memento.VR safety training: now with 100% more simulated workplace death to really motivate you.Drunk goggles: teaching college kids what it’s like to be drunk if drunk meant blindfolded, dizzy, and legally unfit to pour water into a cup ten feet away.Drunken jam sessions: moments where you’re convinced you’re inventing the next Beatles track… until sober-you hears the recording.Kids and music: where “classic rock” gets reviewed by 10-year-olds as “mid” and every rapper is named “Lil Something.”Kanye samples: that confusing moment when you think the grocery store is playing Kanye, but no — it’s just Al Green being sampled for the 47th time.Musical talent: the Nashville Rule — the person playing to eight people in a bar is still better at music than anyone you know, including you and your entire gene pool.

In this episode: Dresden was bombed to dust, rebuilt, and still looks better than any U.S. city built on purpose.Currywurst: Germany’s version of late-night pizza, but with swords involved.Donair guys slicing meat like samurai chefs—10/10 would let them duel for my sandwich.Germany: Home of sausages, potatoes, and zero water consumption. Hydration is for cowards.Do Germans ever poop? Medical mystery of the century.American trains: show up when they feel like it. Maybe.Florida’s high-speed rail: powered by human sacrifice.Espresso everywhere. Filter coffee is an endangered species.Boeing whistleblowers mysteriously unalived—totally normal, nothing to see here.#aspermylastpodcast #funny #europeantravel

Eric returns from Germany, where the national pastime is staring silently until you emotionally unravel.Sick days: apparently it’s socially acceptable to work yourself into a dirt nap, but God forbid you take a Tuesday off.Doctor’s notes: one coworker forged one to go golfing — HIPAA breach? Maybe. Icon? Absolutely.Unlimited PTO: meaning unlimited guilt, meetings at lunchtime, and pretending your haircut is a corporate emergency.Vacation time: some people “disconnect” by checking email only six hours a day. Eric disconnects by flying to another continent and throwing his phone into the Rhine.Deutsche Bahn: the only train system where step 1 is “guess which of 7,000 Berlins is real” and step 2 is “get screamed at in German.”Germans will watch you walk toward the wrong door in silence — then yell “YOU FOOL!” after you touch it.Small talk in Germany is illegal. Smile at a stranger and they look at you like you’ve confessed to war crimes.Government shutdowns: politicians still get paid, everyone else gets to start hot dog carts. The American dream is alive.“I may or may not have cancer…but I’ll know for sure when my paycheck comes back.” — Anonymous federal worker, probably.

Greg and Eric ricochet the following thoughts: B-actors from anti-harassment training are weird to see in other stuff. AI is not to blame for youth unemployment because Japan and Europe aint having that problem. AI voices for 800 #’s still have heavy Indian accents for some reason…Pumpkin tastes like nothing, like the vegetable itself. Gen X and older drank a domestic beer and that was it…for life. A simpler time. Appropriately for our 21st episode, we talk beer in all it’s wonderful varieties and price points. Turns out Eric and Greg will do pretty much whatever for a free t-shirt.

18th Episode summary00:00 – 01:00 | “We have six subscribers and possibly one fan — me.”Celebrating 20 episodes and redefining success in units of pure delusion.01:00 – 02:00 | The Rowboat of Corporate MiseryCorporate life = one big, leaky boat. Everyone’s on board, and nobody’s steering.02:00 – 05:00 | Review Season: The Annual GaslightingHR emails roll in: “Take this e-learning on how to fill out your own disappointment.”05:00 – 08:00 | “Exceeds Expectations” — The Unicorn RatingTo get a 5% raise, you must donate blood to the CEO’s mother.08:00 – 12:00 | Copy, Paste, Collect Your ‘Meets Expectations’Greg admits he’s been recycling last year’s self-review for three years. Nobody noticed.12:00 – 15:00 | Promotions for People Who ‘Seem Fun’Raise logic: Work hard → ignored. Golf → promoted.15:00 – 20:00 | The Office, The Paper & The Power of Having No OpinionAt work, having opinions is a liability. Best to say: “What do you think?” until retirement.20:00 – 28:00 | Journalism, Yelp, and the Michelin Tire ManJournalists are broke, Yelp is dying, and the world’s most feared food critic is literally a tire.28:00 – 32:00 | How Cable Companies Buried Themselves in WiresTwo tech geniuses wonder why no one thought to use customer data… while not getting paid for their own ideas.32:00 – 33:00 | Collaboration, Think Tanks, and D’s NutsA heartfelt ending about teamwork, innovation, and starting a nut stand. Because capitalism.

Greg and Eric get funky with: Why does everybody say "welcome aboard" when you do intros at a new jobMost jobs are not " living the dream" or "another day in paradise"Greg has a bad healthcare experienceBoth of us have four letter names constantly mispronounced and spelledWe talk Buffalo Bills Hard Knocks and what it'd be like if they did an office versionWe talk executives making big choices with coin flipsWe offer Canadian real estate adviceWe also offer reasons to love your terrible job

Greg and Eric wax poetic on: -All the bad "did you labor on labor day jokes"-Work humor vs actual funny shit-Howard Stern hanging up the microphone after becoming what he used to rail against as a penthouse living millionaire-Customer's that don't take no for an answer-Talk about how "pointless" jobs are often not pointless for the ones doing them-Often people that succeed do so from political prowess rather than any excellence or actual value to the company.-We admit to membership in the lollipop guild and an undying affinity for the socks on the dead wicked witch of the west.

As Per My Last Podcast Season 1 Episode 15 - "Have you tried smacking them across the face?" Greg and Eric rev the old six cylinders on: Gen Z and their incessant awkwardness, and need for parenting from their bosses. Greg gets very sick on a boatEric tells stories about ninth grade ruler-based child abuse Eric waxes poetic about his love for the local newsWe both rail the daylights out of the idiotic Cracker Barrel and Eddie Bauer rebrands. God save us if this is what marketing becomes.

Greg and Eric talk turkey on the following: Greg Movie Review Corner where Greg Reviews the following: Fantastic Four (Fantastic!)Jurassic World Rebirth - (Not as fantastic...)Happy Gilmore 2 - (Fan friendly if not fantastic)Discuss the Virgil Abloh Theory of Power - The screen size has an inverse relationship with the power of the user (smaller the screen the more powerful you are) Gary Stevenson's Theory about all money being debtThe Magnificent 7 tech companies start cannibalizing

Greg and Eric go long on the following: Robocop died but still managed to get back to workHe also never got to take advantage of unlimited PTOBroken Chair Theory = you don't know when someone's chair just broke beneath them on a call and are stifling the overwhelming frustration and anger to stay normal sounding. AI seems to take over fun stuff but Microsoft thinks it's unlikely to takeover stuff we want robots to do like crazy dangerous environmental stuff or super tedious physical jobs.

As Per My Last Podcast Season 1 Episode 12Greg and Eric talk about: Work Life Balance report - New Zealand # 1, Ireland 2, Canada 7, USA - hahaha. Working the system by going to the school nurse to ahver her say "take a tums and walk it off." Human battery doesn't seem to be recharging over the weekend above 65% Applying for jobs feeling like chutes and ladders with no ladders. Not setting expectations and meeting them makes Eric feel like a bad personLand Rover taking 85 years to get fixed and him telling me it will be done every 3 days. Battling the urge to see Dr. Google instead of your real doctor Fuck ‘em all Fridays instead of Fun Fridays.  Hermetic weekends because who has the energy to do anythign any more?

As Per My Last Podcast S1E11 - Making It Seem Pretty GoodGreg and I return to our roots, the rotting festering heinous complain about our job roots. We also talk Astronomer Affair Scandal, Shane Gillis at the Espy's, Racing, David Letterman looking cRazY, and executives coasting.

Greg and Eric talk about the following-Gen Z is not moving out-Greg reviews Stick with Owen Wilson-Shocked that baggy pants are popular again-Realize we're so old that popular stuff when we were a kid is now popular again...oof-Eric tells a story about someone putting their foot all the way into their mouth-Talk about how we got our food complexes (think pizza hut reading programs...)-Eric talks about how bands perform the magic trick of turning into adult rock radio watered down versions of Coldplay

This episode is a bit more about our personal lives. -Greg talks vacationing, Florida and Disneyworld -Eric talks getting old without it getting old. -Talk the responsibility of middle age-Parents getting older as a warning for us "young" folk-Why strawberry blondes can't use just for men hair dye-The best business model ever and unrealized aspirations to become Goofy the Disney character

We discuss avoiding whammy's. Recognize Robert California as the Lizard KingGreg calls the job market a powder keg Eric counts how many people actually work in a company (spoiler alert, it's low). We recommend if you're going to be sad, at least make sure your sad is funny!Explicit only because we swear, nothing weird people.

Start with the chain of screaming. Talk workplace toxicityThis podcast makes Greg's week, and the rest of the week is ruined as a resultGarfield weighs in on MondaysTalk toxicity from being gaslit by your employerATS systems force people to network on Linkedin or risk not getting work. WFH can mean never being present anywhere cause you're always at workAlso, we swear but nothing else is explicit. FYI.

In this episode: Start with the best job ad everReview top innovations from 2000's and 2010'sReact cathartically to AirBnB CEO Brian Chesky's interview advice Feel guilty from Mr. Feeny's speech about our privilege as a generation in Boy Meets World Try not to shit on EDM cause playing instruments is magic Agree that smoking is cool...Relate over couches being moved up hallways like Ross and Chandler in Friends "PIVOT!" Talk about how Gen Z isn't getting driver's licenses despite us getting away as soon as we could.

Topics Discussed: Klarna hiring people back that they "replaced" with AI.  Friends and neighbors is fantastic show.  Rich dad, poor dad guy, Robert Kiyosaki saying to put money in silver/gold/crypto but sounds like he's investing in tinfoil hats.  Creating clay sculptures of your boss and punching the shit out of it may be the answer to workplace violence. Cabs didn’t get replaced by Uber so we all won't be replaced by AI, but maybe a lot of us.

Greg says what grinds his gears about the interview process. Eric talks about the innovative hobos in Portland, MeI'm pretty sure we both are scared of self-driving carsStanley from the office finishes it off by saying what we're all thinking

In this episode, we discuss:-How every day feels like we're Neo after taking the blue pill. -Why bosses are being even bigger dicks than normal and why that's not gonna change any time soon-How being underworked has become the new overworked-Wait to the end to find out why there's only one reason why Greg doesn't do crack and it's not what you think.

We hit on the challenge of finding success without selling your soul. The importance of shopping carts in deciding how good a person you are. Greg kicks rocks cause somebody kicked his rocks...

We talk moments when you should hold back, you know it is a bad idea, and yet, you go on and say it anyway. We give a quick review of the new Minecraft Movie and talk about how good it was that it was Friday, some might say, the goodest.