Before I Knew

At some point… it stops feeling random.In this episode, I reflect on what it means to finally recognize the pattern—how things that once felt separate, confusing, or isolated begin to connect in a way that changes how you see everything.This isn’t about looking back with judgment.It’s about understanding what you couldn’t see at the time—and what that understanding reveals now.

There’s a difference between kindness… and what looks like it.In this episode, I speak on something I didn’t fully understand at the time—how being given things, attention, or “help” can sometimes come with something behind it.This isn’t just about what was offered…it’s about what was intended.I reflect on how those patterns can start early, how they carry into adulthood, and how easy it is to accept something when it feels like you need it.And more importantly—what it means to recognize it for what it really is.

Episode 8In this episode, I reflect on what it feels like to seek connection, attention, and a sense of being wanted— without fully understanding what I actually needed at the time.Sometimes what feels like closeness… isn’t.And sometimes what you accept… is shaped by what you’ve gone without.

Not everything leaves when it’s over.In this episode, I reflect on what it feels like when past experiences continue to live in your body—showing up in your reactions, your habits, and the way you move through the world.This isn’t about what happened.It’s about what stayed.

Some things weren’t loud…just quietly missing.In this episode, I reflect on what it felt like to grow up without a sense of protection—and how that absence can shape the way you see yourself, what you accept, and what you believe you deserve.This isn’t about blame.It’s about understanding what stayed with me.

This episode reflects on the quiet expectations that shape how we move through the world. Sometimes what’s placed on us becomes so familiar, we don’t question it. This is a moment of sitting with that… and seeing it from a different place.

In this episode, I reflect on becoming a mother at a very young age and how that shift made me more visible — not necessarily understood, but seen. Motherhood changed how people looked at me, spoke to me, and measured me, even while I was still growing myself. This is about navigating visibility before I fully understood who I was becoming.

In this episode, I reflect on how easily other people’s perceptions and assumptions can begin to shape the story of who you are. When others speak loudly about your life, it can become difficult to hear your own voice. This episode explores what it feels like to be defined by narratives that weren’t yours to begin with, and the quiet realization that your story still belongs to you.

In this episode, I reflect on the role silence played in my life long before I understood why I needed it. Silence can look like strength, obedience, or resilience from the outside, but sometimes it’s a survival skill learned early. This is about the quiet spaces where feelings, questions, and truths lived before I had the language or safety to speak them out loud.

In the first episode of BeforeI knew, I reflect on growing up fast and surviving before I had words for what was happening. This is the beginning — not of answers, but of awareness.https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/before-i-knew/id1880143532