From a Place of Self

Sometimes it's hard to believe in hope, because there may be parts of ourselves that protect us from the anticipated pain of allowing hope and then being let down. When the world and people disappoint us, it's natural for these parts to develop such roles. To simply force hope or positive thinking may not work with them. We can, however, learn to compassionately listen to the deeper story behind our skeptic parts, our doubtful parts, our worried parts, or any parts inside of us that are afraid to let us believe in a better life and better future. We can get to know these parts, understand what it is inside of us that they are protecting, and make internal agreements with ourselves to care for those wounded parts in ways where the outside world doesn't have to be so dangerous, because we are caring for ourselves rather than expecting others to do it for us. We can then begin to invite hope into our lives, because we are connected to our true Self, who is connected to a greater Spirit and Higher Power, which can never be damaged, taken away, and is always present to offer us love, acceptance, and even hope.  To learn more about IFS, sign up for our training, or work with me 1-1, visit:  consciousearthinstitute.com

Spiritual connection is what ultimately allows us to not only move beyond our trauma, but witness, heal and integrate the parts of ourselves that were wounded when the trauma occured. When we open space for Self to be present, magic happens and life within and without can begin to transform.  To work with me 1-1 as your IFS coach or to learn about the trainings and resources my wife and I offer for Internal Family Systems, please visit our website consciousearthinstitute.com

In this episode we discuss how to identify and release contraints in our system. As human beings, our systems naturally flow towards creativity and connection. We are innately resourced internally to experience these things. IFS is a process of releasing contraints, both internally and externally in our lives, in order to allow our systems to move towards their natural state of being.  If you'd like to learn how to do IFS work with others, check out our upcoming 6-month online training beginning this Fall: https://consciousearthinstitute.com/ifs-coaching-training For 1-1 work with me, please apply at: https://consciousearthinstitute.com/coaching-with-dayal    

Today I get to speak with my dear friend Rukmini Poddar who shares her journey of overcoming the fear of being seen, which includes getting to know parts of her (and all of us) that sometimes think it's safe to play small. At the end of our talk we get to do a live IFS session together. 

Oftentimes we have protective parts of ourselves that engage in behaviors that may seem socially unacceptable or dispicable or that create consequences which we don't like. It's easy to dismiss those parts and wish they would just go away or disappear. True healing requires us however to compassionately relate to those parts of us, with curiosity, to courageously hear their story and help them heal in order for them to be restored to their natural essence as a beautiful part of our system with innate gifts. 

Today we get to speak with Priya Mehra, who speaks honestly and courageously about re-inventing herself as a single mother and pursuing her career as a coach. We discuss how to honestly reflect and emrace all the pieces of our own story in a way that allows us to hold space and create empowerment for those around us. 

While it may be scary or intimidating to explore our inner world, IFS invites us to befriend the chaos inside by learning to listen to parts of us seeking attention. When we do this curiously and compassionately we can bring harmony to the chaos by learning about our parts and bringing them into a loving relationship with our Self, which our true essence. 

There is a critical question that we don't often ask in relationships. Without addressing this question, we can try endless techniques and practices to nagivate our tensions and conflicts or try to improve the external circumstances without finding lasting, sustainable results. This question empowers us to craft the experience of life we want, without forcing everyone else around us to change. 

Today we get to spend with my good friend Parastou, who talks about her journey through an early intimate relationship and the hopes and dreams that certain parts of her carried for life at that time. We discuss the ways in which our parts can take us away from our Self in the pursuit of what we think we need or want, and what it looks like to make that journey back to our Self whenever we feel lost of disconnected

IFS helps us understand intimacy in a way that isn't confined, restricted or often set up for failure by the modern concept of romance. When we expand our understanding of intimate relationhsips to go beyond the expectation that our partner is meant to make us feel a certain way all the time or make up for lost love in childhood, we enter into more mature, healthy and fulfilling connections. 

Bob Falconer shares with us his personal journey of inner healing and authentic, sustained inner healing can't take place outside of a spiritual context.  Bob shares his views on spirituality and what it means to connect with something bigger than ourselves in order to heal the wounded parts within ourselves. Please be advised that Bob himself has been on an intensive healing Journey throughout his life, and has come to experience joy and fulfillment throughout his life today. However it was not easy to get here and in the beginning parts of our discussion Bob will share some of the graphic and intense experiences of his own childhood trauma and abuse. If these topics are triggering for you, please make sure that you feel in a grounded and safe space while he shares his story. Bob's message serves as an extraordinarily empowering and inspiring reminder that regardless of what we may experience in life, there are spiritual resources available to us and there is healing that can lead to profound connection joy and purpose.

Changing the way we speak about how we feel can powerfully impact the way we experience our own internal states. When we identify with an emotion, we give the part of us that carries that emotion more power than might be appropriate or healthy. When we speak for that part, rather than as that part, we allow space for Self energy to emerge and lead our inner system. Today we look at how to identify and speak for our parts, rather than blend and get lost within them. 

We're not meant to do it all alone, even on our healing journey and spiriutal path. When I feel tired or overwhelmed, it's a good signal to see where I'm feeling disconnected and where I might need to invite a higher spiritual energy back into my life. 

Take a moment today to pause, breathe, and ask the question: what's going on in my inner space right now? What needs attention or what am uncomfortable addressing inside myself right now? These questions can sometimes be scary, and don't have to be addressed all at once, but we owe it ourselves to take a little time each day to check in and acknowledge which parts of us need most attention right now. 

Ever feel like you're someone else's project? Or do you ever feel like your partner isn't cooperating in your plan to make your life better? Today we look at taking a You-turn in our relationships by bringing the focus back to ourselves and cultivating our primary Self-relationship. 

When we care for ourselves emotionally we open up more space to connect with others intimately. Caring for ourselves emotionally means turning towards those hurt and wounded parts of ourselvs that are carrying our loneliness, insecurity, or sense of unlovability and sharing with them the natural compassion of our true Self, which we can access when we're more connected to divine Source. 

Today we look at the roles we sometimes sign other people up for and the ways those roles can block authentic, genuine love between us. When we release people from those roles and expectations of how we think they're supposed to compensate for what I might feel is lacking in me, then a new type of courageous love can emerge that is fulfilling and genuine. 

Today we look at the expectations we sometimes place on others to fill our emotional gaps. We also explore how we can acknowledge the parts in us that we normally try to push away and what it means to welcome them, understand them, and help them transform.

Today we look at the inherent connections we have with others beyond physical, external designations. When we look deeper than what's on the surface, we can see that our external conflicts can become catalysts for us to find the deeper sense of Self within us that is connected to the deeper sense of Self in others.

Today we look at the foundational question of where do I live my life from each day. Is it from a scared part of me that's worried to get hurt? A part of me that has something to prove, to show that I'm worthy? Is a part of me reacting to the real or percevied threat of danger around me? Is it all of the above, or something else? Living from our place of Self means to first recognize all the different parts within me, including how they operate and how they relate to each other and the outside world, and then to further recognize that I have a core sense of being that is separate from all the other parts of me. That Self is the natural leader of my internal system and is the seat of conscious, connected awareness that we all inherently have access to. And when we live life from that place, magic can happen.