Healing Childhood Trauma

A lot of people assume not being ready for therapy means being in denial or lacking self-awareness.That’s usually not the case.In this episode, I’m talking about something I see all the time in early conversations with potential clients. The moment where I can tell someone isn’t quite ready for therapy yet. And it has nothing to do with how much they’ve reflected or how well they understand their past.You can be insightful, emotionally aware, and still feel stuck in the same patterns.Because the real shift in therapy isn’t just about understanding what’s happened to you. It’s about being willing to look at your role in what’s continuing.Inside this episode, I talk about:Why self-awareness alone doesn’t create changeThe difference between focusing on other people and focusing on yourselfWhy it can feel safer to stay focused on what others are doing wrongThe part of therapy that people don’t always expectWhy validation on its own isn’t enough to move things forwardThe shift that tells me someone is actually ready for therapyThis isn’t about blame or taking responsibility for things that weren’t your fault.But if your focus stays on other people needing to change, you’ll likely stay stuck. Even if you’re right.If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing “all the work” but nothing is really shifting, this episode will help you understand why.Lizandra is a UK- based relational psychotherapist who works with attachment, anxiety and relationships in St Albans and online. Learn more about her private practice New Frame Therapy and how you can work with her here.Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramSupport the show

Many millennials are waking up to something previous generations rarely had language for. Childhood trauma. Emotional neglect. Attachment wounds.In this episode, I talk about what it means to be part of the first generation in many families actively trying to understand and heal these patterns.For a lot of people, this realisation comes with mixed emotions. Greater awareness can bring clarity. But it can also bring grief, anger, and confusion about how to hold compassion for our parents while still acknowledging the impact of what we experienced growing up.I explore why so many millennials are looking back at their childhood with new understanding. And why being the person who questions family patterns can sometimes feel lonely.In this episode we talk about:• Why previous generations often survived trauma rather than processed it• How conversations around mental health, therapy, and attachment became more visible for millennials• The grief that can come with recognising emotional neglect or unmet needs in childhood• What happens when you start seeing family dynamics differently• The reality of being the one who begins breaking generational patternsThis work isn’t easy. But every time someone understands their childhood trauma, heals attachment wounds, or learns how to build safer relationships, the cycle starts to shift.And often, that shift begins with one person.If you’re exploring your own attachment patterns or the impact of childhood trauma on your adult relationships, you can find more resources and ways to work with me in the links below.Lizandra is a UK-based BACP registered psychotherapist who works with childhood trauma, anxiety and attachment. Based in St Albans, Hertfordshire and online across the UK and EU. Book an intro call here. Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramVisit the WebsitePsychology Today Profile Support the show

Burnout isn’t just feeling tired—it shows up in ways that quietly sabotage work, relationships, and daily life. In this episode, I sit down with clinical psychologist and friend Dr Claire Plumbly to explore how burnout presents in real life, share stories from clients, and reflect on our own experiences.We cover:• Common signs of burnout you might be missing• How burnout impacts relationships, work, and wellbeing• Practical ways we work with clients to prevent and recover from burnout• Personal reflections from both of us on managing high expectations and overdoing itDr Claire Plumbly who is a Clinical Psychologist, author of Amazon bestseller ‘Burnout: How to Manage Your Nervous System Before It Manages You’, and founder of Plum Psychology - a boutique psychology service for overcoming trauma, burnout, anxiety and low self-esteem - based online and in Taunton, Somerset. Resources Claire's Guide: Switching off after work http://www.plum-psychology.com/Lizandra is a psychotherapist in St. Albans, Hertfordshire who works online and in-person with high-achieving women. She specialises in anxiety, childhood trauma, and attachment challenges, guiding clients toward clarity and self-trust. Discover more about her private practice New Frame TherapySupport the show

If you’ve ever been told you have an anxious attachment style this episode is going to make you pause.In this conversation, I explore whether what we call anxious attachment is sometimes a nervous system responding to emotional inconsistency, unpredictability, or lack of safety in a relationship.We talk about:What anxious attachment actually isWhy women are often labelled “anxious” too quicklyThe difference between attachment wounds and ongoing unsafe dynamicsHow emotional unavailability keeps anxiety aliveWhy your reactions might make senseThis isn’t dismissing attachment theory. It’s adding nuance.Before you try to regulate yourself into being less reactive, it might be worth asking whether your nervous system is responding to something real.If this resonates and you’re ready to explore your attachment patterns more deeply, you can find details about working with me 1:1 (UK and EU only)This episode is for you if you’ve ever wondered the following: How do I fix my anxious attachment style in a relationship? How do anxious attachment styles act in a relationship? How to overcome an anxious attachment style in a relationshipSupport the show

In this episode, I’m breaking down 5 types of emotionally immature behaviour that high-functioning women often tolerate, excuse or overcompensate for.We cover:• What emotional immaturity actually looks like in adult relationships • The defensive partner who turns every conversation into an attack • Gaslighting and why it slowly erodes your self-trust • The minimiser who makes your feelings feel “too much” • The avoidant who disappears when things get real • The victim performer who collapses when you ask for accountability • Why capable, high-achieving women are especially vulnerable to these dynamics • The nervous system cost of staying in emotionally immature relationshipsIf this episode resonates and you’re ready to stop carrying the emotional weight in your relationships, I work with high-functioning women in 1:1 therapy to:• Strengthen boundaries without guilt • Rebuild trust in your own perception • Break attachment patterns rooted in childhood • Stop confusing emotional chaos with chemistryLizandra is a BACP registered psychotherapist who works 1:1 with relational trauma in the UK. Book an intro call here. Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramPrevious Relevant Episodes 4 Attachment Styles in Relationships [Ep 2]How to Heal from Anxious Attachment [Ep 4]Is it Narcissism or Avoidant Attachment? [Ep 28]This episode is for you if you’ve ever wondered: What are the signs of someone who is emotionally immature? How does an emotionally immature person act? What are the red flags of emotional immaturity? What are the signs of low emotional intelligence? Signs of an emotionally immature partnerSupport the show

In this episode, I talk about the subtle, everyday ways attachment patterns show up in high functioning women.We explore:• Why replying quickly can be about regulation, not politeness • Why resting can feel uncomfortable, even when you’re exhausted • Why asking for help feels harder than just doing it yourselfAttachment isn’t only romantic love. It shows up in how you move through your day, how safe you feel slowing down, and how much you carry on your own.📱Book an initial consultation with Lizandra Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramVisit the WebsiteLizandra is a UK-based psychotherapist who works with high achieving women to break unhealthy relationship patterns and to overcome anxiety and burnout. Support the show

In this episode, we dive into high-functioning anxiety—what it really looks like, why it’s so common among high-achieving women, and how childhood experiences can secretly shape the way your nervous system responds to stress.We talk about: . How high-functioning anxiety shows up in day-to-day life . The hidden costs of always “being fine” . Why your nervous system can keep you in overdrive even when life seems calm . Small, practical steps to start calming your mind without giving up ambitionIf you’ve ever felt exhausted by your own brain, struggled to ask for help, or worried that slowing down means failing, this episode is for you.📱Book an initial consultation with Lizandra Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramVisit the WebsiteSupport the show

If you've ever wondered what avoidant attachment looks like in women, this episode answers that and more. This looks at the root cause of avoidant attachment, starting with childhood and how it can impact relationships, parenting, friendships and work. Avoidant attachment doesn't always come with self awareness, but this episode looks at what happens when you pair self awareness in high functioning women and avoidant attachment. Listen until the end if you want insight on how to shift your relationships from feeling superficial and disconnected to connected and meaningful. Relevant Episodes 4 Attachment Styles in Relationships [Ep 2]Developing Secure Attachment When You’ve Experienced Childhood Trauma [Ep 7] Recognising the Signs of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment: Key Traits and Behaviours [Ep 11]How to not Lose Yourself in Relationships when you have an Anxious Attachment [Ep 14]Connect📱Book an initial consultation with Lizandra Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramVisit the WebsiteResources Get your free attachment healing guide and join the mailing list Lizandra is a psychotherapist based in the UK working with high achieving women to heal from the past so they can have healthy relationships. Support the show

And we're back after a mini break with a brand new episode. In this episode, I’m speaking to high-functioning women who look fine on the outside but feel tense, switched on, and disconnected inside. You might be self-aware and insightful, yet still struggle to feel settled in your body or safe in your nervous system.We explore why understanding your patterns isn’t always enough, and how many women stay stuck in their heads instead of moving into embodiment and integration. I talk about how perfectionism and imposter syndrome link to self-worth, and why high achievement often comes with quiet emotional disconnection.Now Accepting clients for 1:1 Therapy Book Your Consultation Here (UK & EU Residents Only)Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramVisit the websiteSupport the show

Christmas has a way of bringing old family dynamics straight back to the surface.Even if you’ve done the work. Even if you’re self-aware. Even if you usually cope well.In this replay of one of my most listened-to episodes, I talk through practical, realistic ways to think about boundaries with family at Christmas. Especially when the dynamics are emotionally immature, critical, or draining.This episode is for you if: • You feel activated around family, even when you wish you wouldn’t • You struggle to hold boundaries without guilt or over-explaining • You end Christmas feeling exhausted, resentful, or like you’ve lost yourself • You’re high-functioning, capable, and tired of just “pushing through”This isn’t about cutting people off or becoming emotionally cold.It’s about understanding why family triggers land so deeply. And how to protect your emotional energy without abandoning yourself.If Christmas is already feeling like a lot, this episode is here to support you.🔗 Links & Resources:👉 Work with Lizandra 1:1👉 Visit the Website👉 Follow Lizandra on InstagramSupport the show

You like to follow wellness practices but you’re not sure which ones are helpful for nervous system regulation and which ones to leave behind. There are so many choices that often tap into your deepest fears and insecurities and even with the best of intentions, can make you feel worse. This episode explores how you can tell the difference between what’s working and what isn’t and how to listen to yourself more so you can make empowered and informed choices.If you’ve been wondering how to heal from emotional  trauma What supports nervous system regulation The practices that focus more on capitalism and productivity instead of healing This episode is for you. Lizandra is a practicing psychotherapist based in the UK who works with high achieving and high functioning women who want to heal from the past and break unhealthy patterns through deeper self awareness and nervous system regulation healing. If you are based in the UK and EU, you can book a consultation for 1 to 1 therapy. 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramVisit the WebsiteSupport the show

Have you ever wondered what it means to regulate your nervous system? In this episode you'll learn more about how nervous system regulation doesn't need to be complicated and a starting a simple exercise can help you to feel calmer and relieve anxiety. This is a supportive practice but it’s not a substitute for therapy. Lizandra is a MBACP Registered Psychotherapist based in the UK who works online and in St.Albans Hertfordshire. Specialising in relational trauma, attachment and anxiety stemming from childhood trauma. Visit the Website Book a 15 minute consultation with LizandraSupport the show

In this episode, I talk about Seasonal Affective Disorder and the subtle ways it can creep into your mood, motivation and day-to-day energy. You'll hear me cover: - What to do when you feel yourself withdrawing or shutting off-Simple daily habits that help-When to reach out for extra supportIf winter always feels harder and you're tired of pushing through on your own. this is the kind of work we do in therapy. I've got current availability for women who want support with anxiety, burnout and the deeper stuff underneath it.  📱** Book a free intro call with Lizandra here**Visit the website Support the show

Have you ever wondered if you’re the toxic one? Want to know the four toxic behaviours that happen in relationships that stem from an insecure attachment? In this episode, psychotherapist Lizandra explores the patterns that most people get stuck in when dealing with conflict. It’s the everyday behaviours that cause disconnection in the relationships that matter most. Ready to break your unhealthy relationship patterns and heal from the past? 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramVisit the WebsitePrevious Episode:Therapist Tips on Having Hard Conversations and Dealing with Conflict [Ep 9]Support the show

Therapy is changing. 2026 is going to look very different for anyone who’s already on a healing journey. This episode breaks down what those changes actually mean for you.We talk about the rise of real connection in therapy. More relational work. More collective healing. Less of the “fix yourself alone” mindset that kept so many women stuck in burnout.We also get honest about AI. It’s growing fast. It can be useful. It’s not therapy. I explain why big tech is pushing into the mental health world. The impact it’s having on clients and therapists. And what to look out for so your healing doesn’t get reduced to another tech product.You’ll also hear why therapy is becoming more normal, more accessible. And why that shift matters if you grew up holding everything together and trying not to take up space.If you’re navigating high-functioning anxiety, attachment wounds or childhood trauma. This episode will help you understand what’s coming. And how to stay grounded in support that’s actually human.📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramSupport the show

The internet is talking about Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? Read the Article In this episode, Lizandra, a psychotherapist in private practice at New Frame Therapy talks about the decision to stop working with couples. It relates to the changes happening in relationships and why it's so hard to heal from attachment trauma and form trusting secure attachments in relationships. Connect on TikTokConnect on InstagramBook a free 15 minute consultation with LizandraSupport the show

Abandonment doesn’t always look like what we think it does. It isn’t just about someone leaving or not choosing you. In this episode, I talk about the less obvious ways abandonment shows up.The ones that start in childhood and shape how we connect (or disconnect) as adults.You’ll hear about:The hidden forms of abandonment that often go unnoticed — like over-functioning or caretaking.How emotional abandonment in childhood can happen even in loving homes.The link between fear of being left and the ways we’ve learned to leave ourselves.Listen if you want to:Understand why independence can sometimes be a trauma response.Recognise the moments you abandon your own needs to feel safe.Begin reconnecting with the parts of you that never got the care they needed.Get your free attachment healing guide and join the mailing list 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramPrevious EpisodesSelf Boundaries, Attachment and Burnout [Ep 30]Adverse Childhood Experiences Explained: The Link Between Trauma and Your Health [Ep 25]How to not Lose Yourself in Relationships when you have an Anxious Attachment [Ep 14]Lizandra is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor in St Albans, Hertfordshire, UK offering therapy for high-achieving women online and in-person. She helps clients navigate high functioning anxiety, relationships, and childhood patterns with practical, honest insight. Learn more about her therapy practice in St Albans, New Frame Therapy.Support the show

 Being called “needy” in a relationship can feel shaming but what if being needy isn’t the problem?In this episode, I unpack why we end up feeling anxious, clingy, or desperate for reassurance in relationships. We’ll explore how childhood experiences and attachment patterns shape our needs and why trying to suppress them only backfires.You’ll learn:Why needing connection is human — and when it gets labeled as “too much”The hidden cost of ignoring your needs or shutting downPractical steps to feel secure in yourself while communicating clearly with your partnerIf you’ve ever felt “too much” or worried that asking for what you need will push someone away, this episode is for you. It’s about shifting from shame to curiosity, and learning how to meet your needs in a healthy, confident way.ResourcesWhy Self-Soothing Feels So Hard When You Have Anxious Attachment [Ep 32]Now Accepting clients for 1:1 Therapy Book Your Consultation HereGet your free secure attachment guide and join the mailing list Visit the WebsiteSupport the show

Lizandra is a BACP Registered Psychotherapist and Relationship Therapist based in the UK who works with adults healing from childhood trauma and high functioning anxiety.When most people think about healing, they focus on what they should be doing — journaling, setting boundaries, or practicing self-care. But just as important is what you need to stop doing.In this episode, I’m breaking down five common habits that can quietly hold you back from feeling secure in yourself and your relationships. These patterns often come from trauma, and you might not even realise how much they’re shaping your everyday life.We’ll talk about:Why you might feel the need to over-explain yourself.How constant apologising keeps you stuck in shame.The subtle ways people-pleasing turns into self-abandonment.What happens when you dismiss your own emotions.And the one habit that can make you feel like you’re always “behind” in your healing.If you’ve ever wondered why you’re working so hard on yourself but still feel stuck, this episode will help you see what needs to shift — and it’s probably not what you expect.Resources Five Steps to Setting Boundaries Free Guide Adverse Childhood Experiences Explained: The Link Between Trauma and Your Health [Ep 25]Here’s why you’re getting stuck in your healing journey [Ep 22]What to do when you feel Emotionally Overwhelmed [Ep 17]📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Support the show

If you’ve ever wondered why you’re working so hard on yourself but still feel stuck, this episode will help you see what needs to shift — and it’s probably not what you expect.Many people who identify as empaths are actually carrying codependent patterns that started in childhood. In this episode, we explore how to tell the difference between being codependent and being an empath and why that distinction matters for your healing.You’ll learn:The key differences between codependency and empathyHow childhood trauma and family dynamics shape bothWhat happens when you keep identifying with codependency as empathySimple ways to start reconnecting to your own needs and emotionsThis episode is for anyone who’s ever thought: “Am I an empath or just codependent?” or “Why do I always attract people who drain my energy?”Resources Journal prompts start at 18:36 A Trauma Informed Approach to a Realistic Morning Routine [Ep 27]5 Things People With Secure Attachment Do [Ep 35]8 Types of Boundaries You Were Never Taught But Definitely Need [Ep 34]Developing Secure Attachment when you've Experienced Childhood Trauma [Ep 7]Get your free attachment guide and join the mailing list 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramSupport the show

 In this episode, I explore emotional avoidance — what it looks like, why it shows up in women with high-functioning anxiety, and how it often ties back to childhood trauma.We also dive into how disconnection from your body keeps emotions stuck, and practical ways to notice and gently process your feelings without overwhelm. You’ll learn how to:Recognise the subtle signs of emotional avoidance in your lifeUnderstand why avoidance feels safe and why it’s costing you more than you thinkReconnect with your body to tune into your emotionsTake small, manageable steps toward emotional awarenessIf you’ve ever felt disconnected from your feelings, numb, or like your mind is always busy, this episode offers validation and practical tools to start gently reconnecting.Lizandra is a registered MBACP psychotherapist located in the UK and online. You connect more with her here: Connect on TikTokConnect on InstagramGet your free attachment guide and join the mailing list Did you enjoy this episode? Send it to a friend and don't forget to rate the episode and subscribe to the podcast. Support the show

Have you ever felt like therapy just isn’t working? Maybe you’ve tried different therapists, stuck with sessions for a while, and still found yourself wondering why you’re not moving forward. If that’s you, you’re not alone—and it doesn’t mean you’re beyond help.In this episode, I talk about:Why you can feel stuck in therapy What you need to do alongside therapy to make the most of it The common reasons therapy might not be effective (and why it’s not always your fault)And the missing piece of therapy that often gets overlooked but can be the most healing part of therapy. **Did you enjoy this episode? Do me a huge favour and scroll to the bottom of the episode and tap on the stars to leave a rating. This helps more wonderful souls like you to find the show.**Get your free attachment guide and join the mailing list 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Connect on TikTokConnect on InstagramVisit the websiteSupport the show

We hear a lot about what insecure attachment looks like… but not enough about what secure attachment actually feels like in real life.In this episode, I’m breaking down five things people with secure attachment tend to do — and no, it’s not about being perfectly regulated or never getting triggered. In fact, some of what makes someone feel emotionally safe might surprise you.We’ll explore:Why securely attached people are comfortable changing their minds (and letting you change yours too)How they handle triggers without making it someone else’s faultThe way they speak up for their needs — even when it’s awkwardWhy they don’t rely on other people to fix their emotionsHow they hold perspective during hard moments instead of assuming the worstThese aren’t magic traits you’re either born with or not — they’re learnable habits. And this episode is here to show you what they can actually look like, so you can start building more of that in your own life.👉Get your free attachment guide and join the mailing list Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramResourcesDeveloping Secure Attachment When You’ve Experienced Childhood Trauma [7}Therapist Tips on Having Hard Conversations and Dealing with Conflict [Ep 9]How to not Lose Yourself in Relationships when you have an Anxious Attachment [Ep 14]What to do when you feel Emotionally Overwhelmed [Ep 17]The Boundaries Work Book 50% off for Podcast Listeners with code “POD25”Support the show

This episode is the clarity around boundaries you need to stop feeling confused so you can show up as more secure and have your best relationships and a good work/life balance. This deep dive on boundary setting is trauma informed from the perspective of  registered psychotherapist Lizandra Leigertwood MA MBACPThemes covered in the episode:My own imperfect approach to setting boundaries in life Why you find it hard to set boundaries A sign you should look out for when it’s time to set a boundary What it really means when you haven’t set a boundary How a simple interaction in childhood can make you override your sense of personal boundaries and safety. 8 Types of Boundaries you can start setting for self preservation, safety and deeper relationshipsAND A gentle challenge to help you start setting boundaries that feel soothing for your nervous system (that your relationships will thank you for)Resources MentionedFive Steps to Setting Boundaries Free Guide The Boundaries Work Book **Get 50% off with code “POD25”**Previous relevant Episodes [30] Self Boundaries, Attachment and Burnout [14] How to not lose yourself in relationships when you have anxious attachment[03] Boundaries in relationshipsConnect on TikTokConnect on InstagramVisit the websiteSupport the show

**Summer Offer** Book your single session Attachment Reset Learn more or book here.You can be incredibly self-aware. Journaling regularly, unpacking your childhood, recognising your triggers and still feel panicked when someone pulls away. Still overthink the last message. Still feel like you’re too much, or not enough.This episode is a reminder that insight alone isn’t the same as healing. And it’s not because you’re doing it wrong.In today’s conversation, I explore why anxious attachment doesn’t dissolve just because you understand it — and what you actually need to start feeling safer in relationships. We go beyond mindset and into the deeper work of nervous system regulation, co-regulation, and real repair.Whether you’re in therapy or navigating this solo, this episode will meet you right where you are.We talk about:What you can start to focus on if you are both anxiously attached and self awareThe difference between understanding your patterns and feeling safe enough to change themHow therapy can miss the mark in healing from anxious attachment What it means to feel secure in your body, not just your thoughtsWhy this healing doesn’t happen aloneConnect on TikTokConnect on InstagramGet your free attachment guide and join the mailing list Visit the websiteSupport the show

If you’ve ever stared at your phone waiting for a reply, heart racing, telling yourself not to text again but feeling like you physically can’t relax until they do — this episode is for you.Self-soothing gets talked about a lot in the healing space… but for those with anxious attachment, it can feel almost impossible. In this episode, we unpack why that is — and what self-soothing actually looks like when you’re healing attachment wounds.👉🏽 If this hits close to home, my 90-minute 1:1 Attachment Reset session is designed to support you in moments just like this. Learn more or book here.In this episode, we explore:💬 What self-soothing really is (and what it’s not) 🧠 Why it feels unsafe when you’re anxiously attached 📱 Why you can’t just “put the phone down” when you’re spiraling 🧘🏽‍♀️ What self-soothing can look like in practice — and why it’s not about fixing yourself 🌱 How to start small and build capacity gently, without shameYou’ll leave with a deeper understanding of your nervous system, why you crave connection so intensely, and how to start creating a sense of safety within yourself — even when someone else feels just out of reach.Visit the WebsiteSupport the show

☀️**Summer Offer** Single Session Attachment Reset. Limited availability, book your session with Lizandra here Even if you don’t think about your childhood often, the patterns it shaped can still be running the show. In this episode, I’m unpacking powerful and often overlooked ways that childhood trauma continues to affect you in adulthood.This one’s especially for you if you’ve always felt like the high-functioning one, the strong one, or the one who holds everything together… but underneath it all, you’re tired, disconnected, or repeating the same painful patterns.We’ll explore:Why so many women learned to disconnect from their emotions and now find it hard to trust how they feelHow perfectionism and emotional detachment are often coping strategies that began in childhoodWhat self-abandonment can look like in adulthood — and why it’s often mistaken for being “strong” or “easygoing”How trauma wires your nervous system to repeat what’s familiar, even if it’s painfulThe deeper connection between childhood emotional neglect and attachment patterns in adult relationshipsWhat it really takes to start breaking these patterns and feel safe being your full selfWhether you’ve done years of work or you’re just beginning to connect the dots, this episode offers clarity and compassion for the parts of you that are still trying to survive — even when you want to thrive.Get your free attachment guide and join the mailing list 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Support the show

In this episode we explore how the quiet boundaries you don’t set for yourself lead to anxiety, burnout and attachment issues. Key pointsHow everyday boundary breakdowns feel normal because they've been normalisedWhy childhood trauma teaches us to abandon our needsWhat everyday boundaries look like Powerful reframes to change the way you think about boundaries Reflective questions to facilitate your self knowledge and healing USEFUL LINKS:Book a free 15 minute consultation with Lizandra**Did you enjoy this episode? Don’t forget to rate and subscribe! **Get your free attachment guide and join the mailing list Free PDF Download 5 Steps to Better BoundariesVisit the websiteSupport the show

We don’t talk enough about the attachment trauma that comes from a toxic sibling.The jealousy, manipulation, betrayal — all brushed off as “normal” or “just sibling stuff.”In this episode, I’m unpacking the hidden trauma of sibling relationships shaped by toxic family dynamics. We’ll explore the roles we’re forced into, how it impacts your self-worth, and what healing might actually look like.If you’ve ever felt guilty for stepping back from a sibling, this one’s for you.Resources Toxic siblings post on Tiktok 7 Signs of a Narcissistic Mother Connect on TikTokConnect on InstagramGet your free attachment guide and join the mailing list Ready to start therapy this summer? Get in touch if you are based in the UK and EU📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with LizandraVisit the websiteSupport the show

 Ever wondered if someone’s avoidant or actually narcissistic? In this episode, I break down what sets avoidant attachment apart from narcissism, why they often get confused (especially in anxious-avoidant dynamics), and how understanding the difference can help you stop blaming yourself, start seeing patterns clearly, and move toward healthier relationships.Whether you’re trying to make sense of someone else’s behavior or reflecting on your own, this episode brings nuance, compassion, and clarity to a tricky but important topic.What I cover in this episode:Why avoidant behaviour can look like narcissismWhat avoidant attachment actually is (and where it comes from)The clinical traits of narcissism and how it developsKey differences between avoidant and narcissistic patternsCan someone be both?How trauma plays a role in bothWhy social media often gets this wrongQuestions to ask yourself if you’re unsure what you’re dealing withIf this episode resonated:You can learn more about healing attachment wounds and navigating confusing relationship dynamics by working with me 1:1 or joining my email list for more weekly insights. All the links are in the show notes below.Connect on TikTokConnect on InstagramGet your free attachment guide and join the mailing list 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Episode referenced in the show:Ep 18 The Anxious avoidant trap in relationshipsDisclaimer:Everything shared on this podcast is for information and support only. It’s not therapy, and it’s not a substitute for working with a qualified mental health professional. While I hope these episodes are helpful, they’re not a replacement for personalised care. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a therapist or support service in your area. Support the show

When you're anxious or highly stressed, starting your day with a healthy morning routine for better mental health can help to support your emotional wellbeing. Some routines can feel daunting or another to-do but when you approach it from a place of being trauma informed and realistic, you can work with what you have the time and means to do. This episode gives you ideas to try, even when you are incredibly short on time. Did you enjoy this episode? Don’t forget to share and subscribe! Join the Facebook groupConnect on TikTokConnect on InstagramBook a free 15 minute consultation with LizandraSupport the show

If you’ve ever felt disconnected during sex, struggled to enjoy pleasure, or found yourself shutting down emotionally or physically, this episode is for you.This week, psychotherapist Lizandra is joined by certified sexologist Lucy Rowett for a deeply honest and empowering conversation about the links between trauma, attachment wounds, and female sexuality. We explore why so many women feel stuck in cycles of shame or numbness when it comes to intimacy, and what it actually takes to reclaim a felt sense of safety, desire, and connection in your body.Whether you have an anxious, avoidant, or disorganised attachment style, you’ll hear compassionate insights that help make sense of what’s going on and how to begin healing.Connect with Lizandra on TikTokConnect with Lizandra on InstagramVisit the websiteDownload the free attachment healing guide and join the mailing list here Lucy Rowett, CSC, is a certified sexologist and sex coach who is passionate about helping women and people with vulvas let go of sexual shame and hangups and embrace pleasure to create the passionate relationships they've always desired. She is the host of the Naked and Unashamed Life podcast, and the resident sex coach at UK contraception platform, The Lowdown.Learn more about her here: https://lucyrowett.com/Free guide to confident sexual communication: https://bit.ly/askforwhatyoureallywantFree meditation to connect to your vulva: https://bit.ly/handheartvInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucylurowettTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lucyrowettPodcast: The Naked and Unashamed Life Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0MdbEOJW9nXRqLsAMSTRAn?si=2ce2d298be93495cApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-naked-unashamed-life/id1682478750Support the show

**Currently Accepting Clients** 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with LizandraIn this episode, we’re diving into the science behind Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, and why your childhood experiences may still be impacting your mental, emotional, and even physical health today.If you’ve ever wondered why certain patterns keep showing up in your life—like anxiety, chronic stress, people-pleasing, or difficulty in relationships—this conversation offers a powerful lens to help you make sense of it all.I’ll break down what ACEs are, how they’re measured, and what the original ACE study revealed about the connection between early trauma and long-term health outcomes. We’ll also explore how this information can be used not as a label, but as a tool for deeper understanding and healing.Whether you’re new to the concept of ACEs or already familiar, this episode will help you connect the dots between past experiences and present challenges—with compassion, not blame.In this episode, I cover:What Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are and how they’re assessedLong-term impacts of ACEs on mental and physical healthHow trauma can show up in the therapy room and in your relationshipsThe hope beyond the score: healing, resilience, and nervous system repairConnect on TikTokConnect on InstagramVisit the websiteResources MentionedThe Deepest Well Book (affiliate link) Support the show

Many children of narcissistic fathers tend to have a core feeling of never being good enough. Feeling invaluable or invisible unless they are over-performing or over-achieving. This episode looks at the emotional and psychological impact of growing up with a narcissistic father and what steps you can take to start healing.  Subscribe and watch the free training Stop Doing Relationships Like Your Parents**Currently Accepting Clients** 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Visit the WebsiteSupport the show

**Currently Accepting Clients** 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Connect on TikTokConnect on InstagramIn this episode, we're talking about something that so many people are living with daily—often without realising it: being stuck in the stress response.From a trauma-informed perspective, this isn’t just about feeling busy or overwhelmed. Living in the stress response means your nervous system is constantly on high alert—operating from fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. It’s what happens when your body hasn’t had the chance to fully process and come out of past experiences that felt unsafe.This chronic state can show up as anxiety, people-pleasing, shutdown, irritability, overthinking, or feeling like you can never relax—even when things are "fine."Why is this important to understand?Because when you’re living in the stress response, it shapes how you show up in relationships, work, parenting, and even how you relate to yourself. It becomes hard to trust yourself, make grounded decisions, or feel connected to others. And the worst part is—it can feel normal, because it’s what your system has gotten used to.Understanding this from a trauma-informed lens helps take the shame out of it. You’re not broken or “too sensitive.” Your body has simply adapted to survive. And healing is not about pushing yourself to “calm down”—it’s about creating safety in your nervous system over time.Tune in to learn more about what living in the stress response looks like, how to spot it in yourself, and what small steps you can start taking to come out of survival mode and into a more regulated, connected state.Listen to episode 5 What Causes People Pleasing Behaviour Support the show

Have you been trying all of the things to move forward in your healing journey? Therapy, podcasts, reading, meditation but you still feel like you’re not getting anywhere? There are often reasons why you can plateau and feel like you are not making progress. This episode helps you to discover what they are so that you can stop being so hard on yourself and make the changes you’ve been working so hard to make. If you’re just getting started or you just need to refresh, listen to this episode on How to Begin Your Healing Journey 🔗 Links & Resources:👉 Work with me 1:1👉 Join my free community👉 Follow me on InstagramSupport the show

🚨**LAST CHANCE TO BOOK YOUR SEAT Friday 17th May Midnight BST**👉Click here for your ticket 👈Ever found yourself freezing mid-conversation, overreacting to a small comment, or walking away from a talk thinking, “That didn’t come out how I meant it to”?You’re not alone. In this episode, we explore why communication feels impossible when you’re triggered—and how your attachment style, nervous system, and past experiences all play a role.If you’re tired of miscommunication, emotional spirals, or feeling misunderstood, this episode will help you connect the dots—and start healing your communication patterns from the inside out.What We Cover:Why “just use your words” doesn’t work when you’re dysregulatedHow anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles show up in communicationThe nervous system’s role in fight/flight/freeze responses mid-conversationWhy small things feel huge when you’re triggeredThe real reason you shut down, fawn, or over-explainHow to expand your window of tolerance so you can stay presentWhy learning to communicate is a healing process—not just a skillReady to go deeper?Join my Communication Workshop—a live, practical space to help you:Say what you mean (without spiraling after)Stay grounded when conversations get tenseUnderstand and shift your attachment-driven patternsBuild secure communication, even when it feels vulnerableSign up by clicking the link Support the show

Let’s talk about the subtle ways we push people away - even when we don’t mean to.In this episode, I’m breaking down 3 communication habits that can quietly damage connection, especially if you’ve learned to protect yourself by not being fully honest about what you need.Here’s what we cover:Why over-explaining isn’t clarity - it’s a nervous system trying to feel safeHow emotional distance and avoidance can cause resentment and fuel conflictThe sneaky habit of expressing needs through small, surface-level complaints instead of saying what’s really going onThese patterns aren’t about being “bad at communication.” They usually form when it hasn’t felt safe to be direct, or when your needs were ignored or dismissed in the past.This episode will help you spot the moments you disconnect from your truth and away from healthy communication. —🗓️ Join the online workshop on how to manage conflict and have hard conversationsMAY 17th 11am-1pm GMT+1  🚨 Book by May 10th for Early Bird Pricing 🐥 If you shut down in conflict or get stuck in anxious-avoidant dynamics, this is for you.I’ll be guiding you through how to manage conflict so you don’t resort to childlike behaviour or become unnecessarily critical. I’ll teach you how to respond in a way that builds connection without abandoning yourself.👉🎟️ Grab your spot here to join the Workshop👈Learn the communication mistakes that make conflict worse and how to change itTo shift your usual communication style so you can be clear, concise and rationalHow to stop people pleasing and over explaining yourself Imagine:Not spending days overthinking what you could have said betterCommunicating from a place of calm instead of insecure attachment Feeling more connected in your relationships so you don’t have to fear abandonment and rejection Spots are limited and I’d love to have you join us.Full Details for Speak to be Heard Workshop on May 17th 2025 Support the show

Healing Childhood trauma is back after a break! In this episode, I’m talking about five emotional habits that might seem harmless—or even polite—but are actually signs you’re disconnected from your emotional needs.These patterns are common if you grew up in a home where your emotions weren’t welcomed or validated, and they often show up in the way we relate to ourselves and others as adults.We’ll cover:Why constantly invalidating your own experience feels “normal”How over-apologising chips away at your sense of selfThe long-term cost of not expressing your emotionsWhy emotional avoidance keeps you stuck in the same cyclesHow guilt around resting is a trauma response, not a productivity issueAND how this all relates to attachment trauma If you’ve ever said, “I don’t want to make a big deal out of it” or felt guilty just for taking a break—this one’s for you.It’s not about shame—it’s about awareness. And small shifts in how you treat your emotions can change everything.✨ Let’s explore what it looks like to come back to yourself.Episodes referenced in the episode:Therapist Tips on Having Hard Conversations and Dealing with Conflict 4 Attachment Styles in Relationships 📣 🗓️ P.S. I’ve got a brand-new workshop coming up in May.It’s for anyone who shuts down in conflict or gets stuck in the anxious-avoidant cycle. If you want practical tools and deeper insight into why this happens, stay tuned—details will be landing in your inbox soon.Not on the list yet?Make sure you're subscribed so you don’t miss the invite!Join the Mailing List Support the show

In this episode of healing childhood trauma, the anxious and avoidant attachment style dynamic is explored. It’s why the relationships that seem to make sense in the beginning, often end up in frustration and dissatisfaction. In this episode you’ll understand where anxious and avoidant attachment begins How these patterns show up in the early stages of a relationship Why people with anxious attachment are drawn to people with avoidant attachment Why people with avoidant attachment can appear to be secure in the early stages of a relationshipand lots moreThis is the in-depth answers to attachment that you’ve been looking for that help you to improve your attachment patterns Previous episode on attachment 4 Attachment Styles in Relationships [Ep 2]Subscribe and watch the free training Stop Doing Relationships Like Your ParentsConnect on TikTokConnect on Instagram and share what you want to hear on upcoming episodes. Support the show

Lizandra is a trauma informed psychotherapist who works with relational trauma in adults. Healing Childhood Trauma is a mental health podcast about healing from the past, breaking unhealthy patterns and becoming secure, so you can have the best relationships.This podcast is for you if you find yourself asking questions such asHow do I heal from Trauma? Can I change my attachment style? Why am I a people pleaser? How do I get over my fear of being alone? Why do I feel triggered by my partner’s behaviour? How do I set boundaries with toxic family members? Why do I not feel good enough even when things are going well? What are signs of childhood trauma affecting me as an adult? In this episode, Lizandra reveals her own personal experience and insight into managing when you feel emotionally overwhelmed? Key points: A trauma-informed approach to emotional wellbeing when you have experienced trauma The importance of connecting with your body for effective trauma healingThis episode is like a relaxed conversation with a friend but with psychological tips to help you get out of feeling the freeze response and shutting down when overwhelmed How to regulate your nervous system and being more in connection with yourself for secure attachment Connect on TikTokConnect on InstagramJoin the Mailing List and receive your free Attachment Healing Guide Support the show

In this episode we explore the root cause of an insecure attachment and father wounds in daughters.Attachment is often related to romantic relationships but the patterns of abandonment and rejection are often much deeper. As a therapist that works with childhood relational trauma, psychotherapist Lizandra offers insights from clinical practice and experience. Key learnings: How to consider your safety when working with trauma so that you don't feel overwhelmed. When happens when you are the daughter of the emotionally absent or critical fatherWhy do you feel drawn to relationships where you never feel good enough? At the end - you'll hear three key steps to begin healing from father wounds to feel more secure in yourself and the relationships that are important to you. 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Connect on TikTokConnect on InstagramSee the websiteAre you enjoying the podcast? Do me a huge favour and scroll to the bottom of the episode and tap on the stars to leave a rating. This helps more wonderful souls like you to find the show. Lizandra is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor in St Albans, Hertfordshire, UK offering therapy for high-achieving women online and in-person. She helps clients navigate high functioning anxiety, relationships, and childhood patterns with practical, honest insight. Learn more about her therapy practice in St Albans, New Frame Therapy.Support the show

Join psychotherapist and relationship therapist Lizandra for this real talk episode that unpacks red flags in relationships and dating. Do you ignore the early warning signs in relationships? Ever wish you could have spotted the signs of a toxic relationship early on? In this episode you'll discover how we repeat relationship patterns we've learned from our parentsThe early signs to spot problematic and narcissistic behaviours you shouldn't ignoreWhy we normalise toxic behaviours in relationshipsand The patterns of behaviour that indicate a lack of boundaries Subscribe and watch the free training Stop Doing Relationships Like Your Parents**Currently Accepting Clients** 📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra Connect on TikTokConnect on Instagram⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Are you enjoying the podcast? Do me a huge favour and scroll to the bottom of the episode on apple podcasts and tap on the stars to leave a rating. This helps more wonderful souls like you to find the show. Support the show

In this episode, we dive deep into the struggles of maintaining your sense of self in relationships when you have an anxious attachment style. If you find yourself constantly overthinking, people pleasing, or feeling like you’re "too much," this episode is for you. We’ll explore why anxious attachers often lose themselves in relationships, how childhood trauma plays a role, and practical steps to regain self-worth and emotional independence.Key Takeaways:Understanding anxious attachment and why it leads to self abandonment in relationships.How early attachment wounds from childhood create patterns of overdependence and fear of rejection.Practical strategies for maintaining boundaries, building self-trust, and staying grounded in your identity while still being in a relationship.What makes your triggers worse when you don’t pay attention to your relational needs A secure attachment approach to having relationships and meeting your own needs If you’re ready to stop losing yourself in relationships and start healing from anxious attachment, don’t miss this episode. Listen now and take the first step toward emotional freedom and secure relationships. For more support, download my free guide on healing attachment patterns, and join the conversation in my Facebook group, Becoming Secure.Previous episode mentioned:How to heal from anxious attachment Good news! Clients are currently being accepted.📱Book your free intro call with Lizandra to get started.Connect on TikTokConnect on InstagramHave you rated the podcast yet? It would mean a lot to me if you would scroll to the end of the episode and tap the stars on apple podcasts. This helps the podcast to grow. Thanks so much!Support the show

What do you do when the most toxic person you know is your mother?It’s hard dealing with a narcissist. It's even harder when that person is your mother. In this episode we explore the dynamic of mother daughter relationships and the traits that narcissist mothers have with their daughters. Find out the seven signs of a narcissistic motherWhat this means about your own attachment style How this can impact your friendships, romantic relationships and how you parentand A surprising way that narcissistic mothers handle dealing with boundaries If you’ve been wondering how to heal from this toxic dynamic, stick around until the end to find out how to heal from the past.  As a daughter of a narcissistic mother, learn what you need to do for yourself to heal your attachment wounds so you can have better relationships.  Lizandra is a psychotherapist who works in private practice helping women to heal from the past so they can thrive in life, work and relationships. Ready to start your healing journey? If you are in the UK and EU you can book your 1:1 therapy session  📱** Book a free intro call with Lizandra here**Visit the website Connect with Lizandra on Socials: on TikTok  on Instagram⭐️ Did you enjoy this episode? Leave a review on apple podcasts. Scroll to the bottom and hit the stars to share your feedback. This helps other people to find the episodes too and helps the podcast to grow.Join the Mailing List and receive your free Attachment Healing Guide Support the show

Do you get anxiety about having anxiety?In this episode we explore the mind and body approach to working with the physical and mental signs of anxiety. Experienced psychotherapist Lizandra discusses an integrative approach from clinical practice that helps clients to recognise their signs of overwhelm and stress to feel calmer. This episode also includes anxiety strategies that help to regulate your nervous system and why there can be a benefit to experiencing anxiety. The Anxiety Workbook referenced in the show - learn these skills and more to reduce your anxiety and emotional triggers. **Are you enjoying listening to the show? Don’t forget to rate and leave a review. This helps other people to find the podcast too.**Support the show

This episode is all about understanding the dismissive avoidant attachment style. This attachment style is often misunderstood so in this episode we unpack:Where dismissive avoidant attachment comes from What to look out for when identifying avoidant attachment How this attachment style can negatively impact your relationships if you don’t address your childhood wounds and lots more to understand if you or your someone you know has avoidant attachment traits in relationshipsWant to know more about attachment in relationships and breaking the cycle to have secure attachment? Sign up now to watch the free attachment training  Join the Facebook groupBook a free 15 minute consultation with Lizandra**Did you enjoy this episode? Don’t forget to rate and subscribe! **Support the show

We have often been conditioned to focus on romantic love when healing from anxious attachment or avoidant attachment. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, prioritising your friendships and your own identity is the key to developing your sense of self and having healthy reciprocal relationships.This episode explores how female friendships and friendships in safe spaces can support you in healing from an insecure attachment. Even if you’ve been conditioned to see your value in being chosen and finding ‘the one’ by our very patriarchal standards in society. You’ll learn how friendship can support you in nervous system regulation What you need to look out for in friendship in order to feel loved and heal abandonment woundsHow friends can help in changing your anxious or avoidant attachment style to secureand the message that Sex and The City taught us about relationships, that was overshadowed by the romance of Carrie and Big. If decentering romance and men is your intention for 2025, this is the episode that offers validation and inspiration to help you on that journey. FREE TRAINING: Want to break the cycle of unhealthy relationships and learn more about attachment healing? Sign up to watch the video and join the mailing listJoin the Facebook groupLearn more about the attachment healing program for women, Secure Support the show

In any relationship it’s impossible to avoid hard conversations. Many people think of conflict as a negative thing that destroys relationships. When you change how you approach conflict and how to have difficult conversations with someone you love, you can build a stronger connection. These tips apply to any kind of relationship with someone you care about. In this episode you’ll learn:Why conflict arises Techniques for managing challenging conversations Things to let go of when managing conflict How to have better conflict And Why you tend to avoid conflict and hard conversations in your relationshipsIf you or your partner has an avoidant attachment style and you avoid conflict, this is the episode you want to hear. Did you enjoy this episode? Don’t forget to subscribe! Join the Facebook group Connect on TikTokConnect on Instagram Book a free 15 minute consultation with Lizandra Support the show

In this episode, we dive deep into the role of therapy and coaching in healing from childhood trauma. Whether you're new to therapy or exploring coaching options, we’ll break down what to expect from your first session and the therapeutic process. You’ll discover how therapy differs from simply talking to a friend and why many people struggle with feeling 'good enough' to begin their healing journey.We also discuss the role of coaching in trauma work and explore whether you can benefit from both approaches. Is therapy or coaching better for you? You’ll learn the key factors that support positive outcomes in trauma recovery and how to choose the right path.Key takeaways:What to look for when choosing a therapistCommon challenges in therapyAutonomy in your healing journeyCoping with loneliness in growthThe role of community in trauma recoveryIf you’ve been thinking about starting therapy but don’t know where to begin, this episode will help provide the clarity you need to take the next step on your healing journey.Book a 15 minute Intro Call with Lizandra Learn more about coaching program for women for Secure Attachment Did you enjoy this episode? Please rate and subscribe. It helps others to find the show too. Support the show