Light in the Margins

On Easter Sunday my husband injured his foot. He was stepping off a curb and rolled his ankle at just the right angle and broke his fifth metatarsal. A classic basketball injury, but without the cool story or any accompanying heroics. In a walking boot, he’s been given instructions to stay off his feet as much as possible. And that… has been a challenge.He has always been the kind of person who jumps in whenever there’s work to do. Now when my daughters and I clear away the dinner dishes, we often have to shoo him to the couch to rest. He knows that resting will help him heal, but everything in him wants to keep moving.And watching him, I realized...spiritually, I’m not much different. My husband may need rest to heal his foot, but at times I need rest for my soul. And why do I resist?Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee. —Psalm 116:7Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. —Matthew 11:28-30 The InvitationMatthew 11:28 is not a demand but an invitation. “Come unto me…”There is a sweet gentleness in that word, ‘come.’As a mom, I’ve said it a hundred times. At the playground, when one of my children tumbles or gets hurt, I’ll call out, “Come here, let me see.” Sometimes they will run right into my arms for snuggles and a kiss. But other times they brush themselves off and yell, “I’m okay!” and keep playing.The invitation is there, but the comfort isn’t forced.Similarly, Christ invites the weary to come to Him, but He does not compel. He is waiting, watching, willing to comfort if we merely...come.Perhaps one of the reasons we remain weary is not because we don’t hear the Savior’s invitation, but because we continue to insist that “we’re fine.”Not for the LazyThe invitation further says, “come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden...”This isn’t a call to those who are idle or unwilling to work. Christ is extending the invitation to all those who are laboring, working, and carrying what God has called them to. The work is not the problem.All the daily tasks of life: caring for a home, serving others, and faithfully meeting our responsibilities are good. We are, as Paul says, “laborers together with God.” (1 Corinthians 3:9)If work is a good thing, then why does life feel so burdened at times? Who are the heavy laden?The Invisible WeightI would argue that the burden comes from what we add to the work.It comes when we put pressure on ourselves to do everything perfectly. When we strive not to fall behind. When we try to quietly prove ourselves capable by doing it all, feeling like we can’t afford to say no or disappoint anyone. The burden comes in the subtle belief that if I don’t keep it all together, everything will fall apart.Those loads don’t show up on a to-do list, but they are often the heaviest ones we carry.Sometimes we can go through busy seasons where we have many obligations. We might say that if anyone asks us to do one more thing, we’re going to break!Our hearts can be weighed down that way, as well. At times we are carrying so much grief, disappointment, anxiety and expectations that we think if we are asked to carry one more weight, we’ll fall apart.To a weary heart, even verses that are meant to comfort can become burdensome.Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee. —Isaiah 26:3It’s a beautiful verse and one I have memorized. But how often have I quoted that verse at times and wondered, if I don’t feel peace, am I failing? Am I not trusting God enough? If my thoughts are scattered, maybe I’m not disciplined enough.And suddenly, what is a simple promise of peace becomes another expectation. Another opportunity where I fear disappointing the Lord. Another burden to carry.When Jesus bids us come in Matthew 11, there are no conditions.When he invites us further, “take my yoke upon you and learn of me,” that verse can feel like more weight to an already heavy heart.The ExchangeBut Jesus is not asking us to shoulder an additional burden. He is inviting us to an exchange.The Pharisees put burdens on the people. Satan has a burden and a yoke as the Antichrist is described in Isaiah 10. The Old Testament view of a yoke was one of bondage.The pressure to be perfect. The fear of failing. The striving and straining to prove ourselves to others. Those burdens are not from God.The invitation is simply, “come...” Jesus doesn’t say come once you’ve figure it all out. He doesn’t tell us to come only when we are calm or have gotten everything under control.As the hymn writer said,If you tarry til you’re better —You will never come at allWe don’t have to prove that we can carry our burdens of life before we are deserving of rest.Christ’s yoke is an invitation to walk alongside Him and learn of Him. He doesn’t remove the responsibilities of our lives, but He can change the way we carry them. As we learn what it means to be meek and humble, what we have to do in our weakened state is replaced with His strength. We learn that we don’t have to shoulder every burden alone, striving to prove our worth. There is no yoke like Christ’s.We don’t find rest by finally figuring it all out or by doing everything flawlessly. We find rest when we lay down those weights and walk alongside Christ. When we take up His yoke in spite of our failures. When we abide in Him.While my husband’s foot is healing, rest is not something that he can do just one time and be done with. He has to remember to rest, daily. Likewise, we can’t come to Jesus for rest one time and be completely satisfied. We must come back, intentionally, time and time again.O what peace we often forfeit,O what needless pain we bear,All because we do not carryEverything to God in prayer. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

As always, you can listen to me read this aloud, just by clicking ‘play’ above.^The other day I had purchased a three pound package of ground beef and began dividing it up to freeze in one pound portions. The kitchen scale I use is a few decades old, but I’ve always assumed it to be reliable. I eyeballed a handful of meat, put it in the bag, and weighed it—15.7 ounces. Perfect. Another bag, another handful—15.4 ounces. And then I looked at what was left in the package and said to myself...there is no way that is a pound. Sure enough, it came out to ten ounces or so. I was so annoyed! ‘How could the store cheat me like that,’ I thought! Then I weighed my first bags again ... and suddenly one weighed more than a pound. The other weighed 12 ounces. In fact, all three bags began reading differently. Clearly, my scale was lying to me.So I scribbled “Prov 11:1” on my bags, sealed them up and froze them anyway.A false balance is abomination to the Lord but a just weight is his delight. —Proverbs 11:1An abomination is something extremely disgusting, reprehensible, something to be rejected and refused.In Bible times, scales or balances were used to weigh things in the marketplace, just the same as we use today. There is a presumption of integrity on the part of a shopkeeper. He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he. —Deuteronomy 32:4God is a God of truth. And a dishonest scale is something that He outright refuses. Before I go further, I want to make clear that the Lord God is righteous and holy. Before a person can be saved they must first see their true nature, as a sinner. I don’t intend to condone sin with anything that I’m about to say.But as a saved child of God, I began to wonder, do I have false balances in my own life?We understand this idea instinctively when it comes to the kitchen scale. We want accuracy. We assume honesty. We want to know what is actually there, not a fluctuating, unreliable number that changes moment to moment.And what changes moment to moment in my heart?My estimation of my worth.I am by nature a very self-critical person. I put my life on the balances.A small mistake can become like lead.A passing comment sticks to me and weighs me down.A doubt or a struggle becomes a verdict.I place all my self-perceived faults on one side of the scale, and I do not stop them from outweighing everything else.I justify my internal criticism.I say I’m “maturing” because I can quickly recognize my pride, my impulsiveness, and my selfishness. I think of myself as “discerning.”But all the discernment in the world is of no worth if I lay it on a false balance and allow my self-condemnation to weigh me down and burden my mind. Even the truth must be rightly measured, or it becomes distorted. Scrutiny can become heavy and exhausting.In John 8, a woman was brought before Jesus. She was exposed, condemned, and surrounded by accusers ready to throw stones and deliver swift execution.And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? —John 8:3-5The men who brought her were not wrong. The command was clear. She who committed adultery must be put to death. There were no loopholes. No excuses. The law showed no mercy. They each gripped a stone, ready to hurl.But what did the Lord Jesus Christ do? He ignored them and stooped down, writing on the ground. In the midst of their fury, He was calm. As they focused on the law, He brought grace.For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.— John 1:17Jesus said, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” As he continued writing on the ground, one by one, her accusers left. The tumult quieted. And suddenly, the woman who had been surrounded by punishing voices— stood alone.[H]e said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. —John 8:10, 11He did not deny the truth of her sin, but he gave her something the law could never bring. He gave her mercy and grace. He refused to let her accusers have the final word.I see myself in that passage. Not only as the woman, but as the one holding a stone. How often have I have dragged myself into the court of my own mind and railed accusations at myself?“Why did you say that?”“What is wrong with you?”“You should know better by now.”I have sat as judge, jury and executioner.And I have an eager co-counsel.Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: — 1 Peter 5:8Satan, the accuser of the brethren, is swift to bring to mind past sins and regrets. He is quick to point out my missteps, waiting at the ready to hale me into my courtroom of self-condemnation.Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. — John 8:44Satan is the father of lies. The king of the false balance.He is very precise at measuring out what is lacking in me, but very careless when counting up what the Lord has given.And when I take a real flaw and magnify it, giving it more weight than it deserves...When I ignore spiritual growth, or the steady work and grace of God...I’m unbalanced.Likewise, if I look at someone else’s life and measure it against my own, I am unbalanced. On casual glance, we can’t see the full weight behind someone’s life. It isn’t accurate to just examine a polished, curated exterior without considering the heartaches, struggles, or burdens that come alongside it....a false balance is not good. —Proverbs 20:23It sounds so simple, but so profound.When our measurements are off, everything that follows will be wrong.Our perspective.Our self-esteem.Our contentment.So what do we do? We go back to what is true.God’s Word is true and never changes.For ever, O Lord, thy word is settled in heaven.—Psalm 119:89And in His Word, I see the truth of who I am. Yes—I am a sinner. But there is also truth about God’s grace, and about forgiveness. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. — 1 John 1:9And with that forgiveness, there is no more accusation.There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. — Romans 8:1Those are just weights. Not the fluctuating measurement of my own emotions. Not my inner critic. Not Satan’s accusations. God’s Word is true. When I examine myself, at times it can be like my malfunctioning kitchen scale. The numbers never stay the same. One moment I feel confident, the next I feel like a failure. One comment can lift my spirits, and another sends me into a doom spiral. False balances. So when I find myself picking up stones again, rehearsing mistakes, condemning myself, I have to stop and ask:Is this true? Or have I gone back to that broken scale? I’d like to leave you with this verse: O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. —Song of Solomon 2:14You are hid in Christ. He wants to hear your sweet voice, and see your beautiful face. He’s not looking down with a scowl, angry at every misstep. He sees you with compassion and love. He delights in truth. And His truth should leads us to repentance, forgiveness, and the reminder that God’s grace far outweighs the crushing weight of our own self-critic. I pray this was an encouragement. Would you consider sharing it with a friend? If you’re new here, I publish weekly devotional thoughts for women. If you subscribe, they can be delivered right to your email. Thanks for reading. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

My kids can be bottomless pits at times. No sooner than we have finished dinner and cleaned up the kitchen when one will wander in asking for a snack because they’re “hungry.” Then there are times we sit down to dinner and they don’t want to eat—either because they filled up on snacks before dinner, or because they don’t like what I’ve prepared.As a mom, it doesn’t really bother me if my children are still hungry after eating dinner, so long as they ate dinner. They’re growing and their hunger is just a sign of life.Last week I wrote about having a place at God’s table. This week I want to ask: do we come that table hungry or full? Do we gladly eat whatever He has set before us?The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. Proverbs 27:7How could anyone loathe honey? To loathe is not just a preference, it is an intense dislike or disgust. Honey is naturally sweet. I know all my healthy friends will substitute honey for sugar in recipes, and that’s nice. It’s also nice to drizzle that honey on a warm, buttery biscuit... But I digress. Honey is something you would expect anyone to like. But the Bible says it is possible to be so full that even something as sweet as honey can be disgusting.So what changed?It wasn’t the honey. It was something inside of us. The fullness.Even when we have eaten a filling dinner, my husband will almost always have room for a little dessert. So I have to ask myself as I read Proverbs 27:7—when I come to the Lord, am I full or hungry?When Elimelech and Naomi left Bethlehem Judah, they appeared to be hungry--literally. There was a famine and they went to sojourn in Moab. But in verse 21 of Chapter 1, Naomi says “I went out full..” (Ruth 1:21)It is possible to be full in a way that has nothing to do with food. To have a heart full of my own thoughts, my own expectations, my own pride. It is possible to be full of self. We use that phrase— “He’s full of himself.” We can be like the church in Laodicea and feel like we “have need of nothing.” (Revelation 3:17)We can be sitting at the Lord’s table and not be enjoying all the blessings He has richly provided for us because we are full. So full that not even dessert sounds good. So full that we think we do not need the Lord’s provisions.For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul will goodness. —Psalm 107:9Are we longing to be filled by the Lord or have we quietly come to a place where we are full and need nothing? At times that may be true, but what if we don’t want what is on the table, not because we are full, but because we are afraid?I am the Lord thy God...open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it. —Psalm 81:10When I read this, I think of when my children were just learning to eat solid food. “Open wide,” we would say. And like little baby birds, they would open their mouths and eat almost anything I put in front of them...until they had something sweet. Once they had a bite of pears or banana or apple, it was hard to get them to take another bite of strained peas. I don’t blame them—they didn’t understand why, they just knew what tasted better.Sometimes I wonder if we approach God’s table with a similar hesitation.There was a time in my life when I came to God very hopeful, wanting to receive whatever He had for me. In 2011, I prayed for the blessing of twins and to my delight, God answered that prayer. I spent weeks full of hope and joy knowing that the Lord had heard me.I was eating honey.The risks were clear, but I was hopeful.Then, the complications began—but I was still so hopeful.And then, Rebekah and Rachel were gone.And my hope was replaced with sorrow and confusion. I had tasted bitterness.That kind of loss doesn’t just hurt in the moment. It changes the fabric of your heart. It changes how you view God. Just like tasting bitter vegetables made my children skeptical of what was coming on the next spoon, I became skeptical of what the Lord was going to serve me next.So later, when I was blessed with twins again in 2019, my heart had real joy and hope, but it wasn’t the same kind of easy, unbounded happiness. There was a part of me that held back for fear that my sweet joy would turn to bitterness again.And then I return to Proverbs 27:7:...to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.God promises to fill me—with joy and peace, with knowledge and comfort, with the Holy Spirit and the fullness of God. But first, I have to open my mouth—wide.Job said, “What? Shall we receive good at the hand of God and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:10)He promises to fill me—but I don’t get to decide what’s on the spoon.Sometimes it is sweet.Sometimes it is bitter.But if I believe that God loves me—if I trust that He cares for me and does good things—then I stay at His table, I keep asking to be filled, I keep receiving. Even when I do not like the taste. Even when I do not fully understand what He is doing.Because I can cling to Romans 8:28—And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.To the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.Thou art good, and doest good; teach me thy statutes.—Psalm 119:68Like the song says about God— He is “always, only good.”I think of my children, how easily they will come back to the kitchen asking for more. They don’t fear whether there will be enough, or worry whether I will give them something harmful. They come back to the table, trusting that they will be fed. They eat their veggies, however reluctantly, trusting that I have their good health in mind.I think that’s what the Lord asks of us.Not to strive to understand everything.Not to control what is given.Not to come only when we are sure we will like what’s on the plate. But to come “open wide”. To come hungry, not full of our selves and our own ambitions. To stay at His table and trust His hand, filling us, even when we don’t like or understand what He is placing before us.The fear of the Lord tendeth to life: and he that hath it shall abide satisfied... —Proverbs 19:23 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Last week I shared about how David believed a lie that he was sure to die at Saul’s hand. Sometimes our imaginations, fears and anxieties get the better of us. If we don’t challenge those thoughts, they can grow loud.Recently, I attended a bridal shower and through a series of small, ordinary events, I found myself at a table I never expected to be at. I was seated with women who were older than me, women whom I respected and admired, women who carried a position and presence. I felt completely out of place.During the luncheon, I barely spoke. I was nervous. I felt like I didn’t belong there. At one point, I caught myself wishing I could simply disappear or crawl under the table.As I reflected back on that moment, I am almost ashamed of how self-conscious I was that day. My anxiety of the moment had taken control. But what was the truth?I had been given a seat. No one asked me to leave. I had a place at that table, even if I didn’t feel like it.I thought about this as I read the story of Mephibosheth. King David wished to show kindness to one of Saul’s house. He was told about Mephibosheth, Jonathan’s son, who was lame on his feet. David sent for him and told him: “thou shalt eat bread at my table continually.” (2 Samuel 9:7) The king’s command is repeated so often that it caught my attention— “Mephibosheth...shall eat bread alway at my table.” (9:10)... “Mephibosheth...shall eat at my table, as one of the king’s sons.” (9:11) “Mephibosheth dwelt in Jerusalem: for he did eat continually at the king’s table...” (9:13)Dear friend, remember how I said I wished I could “crawl under the table”? That phrase carries more meaning than we realize. “Under the table” is a place of humiliation. In Judges chapter 1, the Canaanite king Adoni-bezek is captured and had his thumbs and big toes cut off. In verse 7 he said: “Threescore and ten kings, having their thumbs and their great toes cut off, gathered their meat under my table: as I have done, so God hath required me.”But Mephibosheth was not humiliated, he was given a seat at the king’s table. I wonder if he felt out of place at times. The Bible doesn’t say, but we do know that he sat there continually.Mephibosheth had done nothing to earn his seat. He was humbly living an ordinary life when King David called for him and began providing for him. He sat there as one of the king’s sons, not because of who he was, but because of who had placed him there.King David’s table would have been richly furnished. When Queen Sheba saw King Solomon’s table she was so impressed “there was no more spirit in her.” (1 Kings 10:5) The provisions were made so that “they lacked nothing.” (1 Kings 4:27) There was nothing Mephibosheth had to do but receive the blessings of the king.Like Mephibosheth, we did not deserve to sit at the King’s table. We are sinners, lame on our feet and unworthy of coming before a Holy God. Through Jesus Christ, God gave us salvation and grace abundant. None of us deserve the blessings of God.But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law, To redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father. Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ. —Galatians 4:4-7Some times we may be called to do something we are unsure about. We may be asked to serve in a way that causes us to feel uncertain in our abilities. We may find ourselves ‘seated’ with those with whom we feel like we don’t belong, or feel like we don’t deserve to be where we are. Those doubts begin creeping in, obscuring the facts.The truth is, our belonging isn’t always determined by how we feel or what we think we deserve.Consider these verses—Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. —Psalm 23:5Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy; —1 Timothy 6:17The Psalmist said that God prepares a table for us—in the presence of our enemies! He provides all things for us. If you are a saved child of God, you are a child of the King! You sit at the table He has prepared for you.Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. —1 John 3:1Mephibosheth did not seat himself at the table.The king placed him there.If the King has given you a place, your presence is not a mistake.Don’t doubt where God has placed you. Enjoy the table He has prepared and all the things He has given us richly to enjoy.The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it. —Proverbs 10:22 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Everyone is looking at me...I don’t know what I’m doing...Someone else could do this better...I don’t belong here...Do your thoughts ever sound like that? Struggling with self-confidence and doubt is common, even for women who appear to be confident or capable. Sometimes our fears are just loud. But before we run off to YouTube or Google how to be more confident, let’s look at Gods Word. Not only does the Bible give us examples of people who chose faith over fear, but there are also stories of those who believed their doubts and fears.1 Samuel 27 opens by saying: And David said in his heart, I shall now perish one day by the hand of Saul: there is nothing better for me than that I should speedily escape into the land of the Philistines...When I come to this chapter, I want to argue with David. Get a hold of yourself! This is the same man who faced Goliath with a sling and unshakable confidence in God. He had already been anointed king. God had delivered him over and over again.But here we see David had a thought in his heart that he believed to be true. And that one thought was louder than anything God had said or done in David’s life. And David followed it.He defected to Achish and began living among the Philistines. He was living a double life of sorts—invading enemies like the Amalekites and Geshurites—while letting Achish believe he was attacking Judah. He was so convincing that verse 12 tells us “Achish believed David saying, He hath made his people Israel utterly to abhor him...”All of that came from a single fear that David accepted as truth.We do the same thing sometimes. Have you ever walked into a room and thought “hmm…they don’t really like me, I don’t really belong here, I should keep quiet”?And instead of examining the thoughts and asking—is this true? We begin to adjust. We pull back. We stay quiet. We protect ourselves.Our minds are wired for survival. Subconsciously, we’re constantly scanning for threats, even emotional and social threats, and we respond, often without ever realizing it.Not every thought we have about ourselves is true. But to overcome those doubts we have to examine our thoughts.Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;— 2 Corinthians 10:5I think when we read that verse we overlook how serious the word “captivity” really is. Captives do not go down without a fight. Captives are apprehended, captured, arrested, imprisoned—those words paint a much more vivid picture of what I am instructed to do with my thoughts. I am to grab hold of every thought and bring it into line with what the Word of God says.David didn’t examine his fears, he accepted them as truth, and he allowed those fears to guide him. He began trying to survive in his own strength.Now Esther is a Bible example of fear that feels a bit more relatable. Unlike David, I don’t see where she had a clear calling on her life. There hadn’t been a prophet anointing her, telling her she would be an advocate to save her people from genocide. Her Uncle Mordecai could see that she was “come to the kingdom for such a time as this.” But for Esther, it wasn’t just uncomfortable for her to go in unto King Ahasuerus, it was risky! She could have been put to death if the king didn’t extend his golden sceptre. I imagine everything in her mind was tense with fear saying “don’t do this!” But while she did not have certainty, she did have a strong faith that allowed her to say “if I perish, I perish.”In the face of her fear, Esther took counsel from her uncle Mordecai and took time for prayer and fasting. She didn’t ignore her fear, she just refused to let it lead her.(For we walk by faith, not by sight: ) —2 Corinthians 5:7Faith does not remove the fear. Faith trusts God in the face of fear.Now when David was at his best, he lived this way too. When faced with Goliath, David rehearsed the times God had protected him and boldly came to the giant in the name of the Lord.But I appreciate that the Bible includes the side of David that gave into his fear. It helps me to not feel alone in my own doubts.The world is full of instruction on how to eliminate our fears and build confidence in our selves. The world’s advice would say that confidence comes after action. And in the Bible, obedience usually comes before clarity. David didn’t wait to feel like a giant killer—Esther didn’t wait until she had certainty—Sometimes like Peter, we have to step out of the boat in faith. When we obey God, our trust and our faith will grow. When I am in a weakened state of fear, I have an opportunity to put my faith in God and trust in His strength.As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:10— When I am weak, then am I strong. The goal shouldn’t be to eliminate fear and never feel hesitation. The goal is to be dependent on God and not to let fear decide.Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. —Philippians 4:8Fill your mind with thoughts that are true about yourself, grounded in God’s Word.Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. —Proverbs 3:5 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Waiting is hard. In a world where almost everything is instant, I usually gravitate toward the faster option. My husband is content to order a book and wait for it to arrive—media mail, if you know how slow that can be—but I would rather download the e-reader version and start reading immediately.I’ve always been a little impatient. When I was in high school, I couldn’t wait to start college. I enrolled in three night classes during my senior year and spent my summer taking equivalency exams just to skip past more requirements.This week I’d like to share some reflections on impatience and the story of Saul. I’ll also share the sting of regret that I felt after a basketball game.In 1 Samuel, the prophet has given Saul clear instruction to wait seven days for him. And I’d like to point out that Saul did wait seven days--And he tarried seven days, according to the set time that Samuel had appointed: but Samuel came not to Gilgal; and the people were scattered from him. —1 Samuel 13:8You see, the circumstances around Saul are growing worse. The Philistines are gathering for battle—multitudes of people, multiplied thousands of chariots and horsemen. The children of Israel are hiding, trembling, fleeing and scattering away.The pressure is mounting and finally Saul decides that he cannot wait any longer. “Bring hither a burnt offering to me,” he says. And Saul offers the sacrifice himself.Have you ever given up on something at just the wrong time? I was at a basketball game with a friend several weeks ago and I thought for certain our team had lost. I don’t think they had led once through the entire game, we had just missed a layup, it was late on a Saturday evening and ... we left early. As we listened to the radio call on the way home it became clear that we had made a mistake because within those next 15 minutes, our team ended up winning a very exciting game. If only we had stayed...the regret still stings.I wonder if Saul felt the same pain of regret. In the very next verse, the Bible says:And it came to pass, that as soon as he had made an end of offering the burnt offering, behold, Samuel came; and Saul went out to meet him, that he might salute him. —1 Samuel 13:10Samuel hadn’t forgotten to come. Saul had simply given up waiting too soon.The command to wait is not unusual. Throughout the Bible, God often calls people to be still and patient:…Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, —Exodus 14:13Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: —Ruth 3:18Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him… —Psalm 37:7Waiting requires faith.Waiting is believing that God is able to act and surrendering control to Him.Have you ever noticed that Saul did not immediately disobey?He didn’t see the Philistine army gathering and immediately say, bring a burnt sacrifice, I can’t wait for Samuel.He did wait.He waited seven days.He gave Samuel his due diligence.But then Saul began to focus on the circumstances and trust only in what he could see.And Samuel said, What hast thou done? And Saul said, Because I saw that the people were scattered from me, and that thou camest not within the days appointed, and that the Philistines gathered themselves together at Michmash; — 1 Samuel 13:11“Because I saw.” Saul’s greatest mistake was not in refusing to wait—it was in deciding that he had waited long enough.People don’t wake up and say today I will disobey God, today I will leave my church, today I will leave my spouse. They wait. And they allow bitterness or frustration to grow and fester until finally they say, “I’ve waited long enough.”Do you think if Saul had Life360 tracking Samuel and could see how close he was, that he would have been content to wait just a little longer? But we walk by faith and not by sight. Saul couldn’t SEE anything happening and said I need to take control.Impatience causes us to magnify the problems of our present situation while blinding us to the dangers of stepping out of God’s will. It causes us to act foolishly.Samuel rebuked Saul and said, “thou hast done foolishly.” (Verse 13)“Fool” is a strong word. The verse that immediately comes to mind is Psalm 14:1—The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.So often we think of that verse referring to atheists. But a person can act foolishly, as Saul, anytime they live as though God is not real, not in control, not powerful enough to keep His promises.Look at the situation again—The Philistines were mounting. Saul’s army was fleeing. He had to wait for Samuel, and he still hasn’t shown up. Saul feels like things are out of control.Sometimes the Devil can create a false sense of urgency within us. We compare ourselves to others, we focus on our circumstances, and the future is unknown. We want to feel in control. So we push ahead in our own strength and ignore God’s instruction to wait patiently for Him.Do we have a prayer that seems unanswered? A situation that doesn’t seem to change? A decision we are tempted to rush into?Saul’s story reminds us that impatience often grows strongest, and our urge to take matters into our own hands often comes right before God’s will is made clear.When my friend and I decided to leave the basketball game, we had already been at the arena for well over two hours. What difference would another 15 minutes make? But frustration and tiredness caused us to give up too soon. Impatience distorts our perspective. It makes the present seem unbearable and the alternative more appealing.The danger is not that Saul didn’t wait. The danger came when he decided he had waited long enough.And while we can sometimes struggle to wait for the Lord, the Bible reminds us that Christ has extraordinary patience toward us:Howbeit for this cause I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might shew forth all longsuffering, for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting. —1 Timothy 1:16Christ patiently calls sinners to repentance, sometimes waiting years. If God were as impatient as I am, where would I be? His patience towards us is greater than the patience we are able to give Him in return.Saul lost a kingdom because he couldn’t wait any longer. May we learn to exercise a bit more Christ-like patience and remain faithful while we wait for God’s timing in our own lives. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Have you ever worked with someone who always seemed to want to do more and was sensitive about being overlooked? When opportunities for service come up, whether it’s teaching, organizing, or helping, there can be times that our immediate reaction can be “why didn’t they ask me? I could have done more. ”The tribe of Ephraim had this complaint often after battles—“why didn’t you call for us?”You may recall Ephraim was Joseph’s younger son and was purposely blessed above his older brother Manasseh in Genesis 48.After Gideon conquered the Midianites, he called in Ephraim as a clean-up crew. They took the princes of Oreb and Zeeb, but just a few verses later they confront Gideon:And the men of Ephraim said unto him, Why hast thou served us thus, that thou calledst us not, when thou wentest to fight with the Midianites? And they did chide with him sharply. —Judges 8:1Gideon soothed their need for importance and said “is not the gleaning of the grapes of Ephraim better than the vintage of Abiezer?” You boys took out the princes! What compares to that? That quelled their anger.But just four chapters later, we have another judge, another battle, and another complaint of being left out.And the men of Ephraim gathered themselves together, and went northward, and said unto Jephthah, Wherefore passedst thou over to fight against the children of Ammon, and didst not call us to go with thee? we will burn thine house upon thee with fire. —Judges 12:1After the children of Israel fought a successful battle against the Ammonites, the men of Ephraim came to Jephthah and said again, “Why weren’t we included?”That complaint didn’t end so well as Jephthah fought against them and 42,000 Ephraimites ended up dead.So when Joshua 17 was brought to my attention recently, I noticed something—those Ephraim boys have been complaining for a long time. They have a habit of thinking they deserve more.In chapter 13, Joshua begins dividing the land. When he gets to the inheritances of Ephraim and Manasseh, the children of Ephraim are feeling a little cramped. They want more than they were given.And the children of Joseph spake unto Joshua, saying, Why hast thou given me but one lot and one portion to inherit, seeing I am a great people, forasmuch as the LORD hath blessed me hitherto?— Joshua 17:14When I read “I am a great people,” I cringe. Hasn’t Ephraim learned any lessons yet about how the Lord resists the proud? They are acting awfully self-important. “Self-aggrandizing” is a ten-dollar word for that. They believed they were deserving of more.How often do we see this, even in children! They are very keen to notice if their slice of cake is smaller than their sister’s.What’s striking to me, however, is that Joshua agrees that they are great, and gave them more!And Joshua spake unto the house of Joseph, even to Ephraim and to Manasseh, saying, Thou art a great people, and hast great power: thou shalt not have one lot only: But the mountain shall be thine; for it is a wood, and thou shalt cut it down: and the outgoings of it shall be thine: for thou shalt drive out the Canaanites, though they have iron chariots, and though they be strong. — Joshua 17:17-18When I read that, I hear “you are great and you can have more. It will take work to cut down the wood and drive out the enemy, but you can do it.”So, is ambition a bad thing? Is it wrong to want more of God’s blessing? Is it wrong to want to ‘get in on’ more?Another family wanted more than they were given, too. Do you recall Caleb’s bold proclamation in Joshua 14? After the divisions are made, the children of Judah came to Joshua and Caleb said “give me this mountain.”Now therefore give me this mountain, whereof the LORD spake in that day; for thou heardest in that day how the Anakims were there, and that the cities were great and fenced: if so be the LORD will be with me, then I shall be able to drive them out, as the LORD said.— Joshua 14:12Caleb doesn’t boast and posture. He isn’t looking around and comparing and pouting like Ephraim. Caleb simply and boldly declared—God promised us this land, and I want the mountain. I know there are enemies to be fought, but if the Lord goes with me, I can defeat them, and I can conquer the mountain because the Lord promised it to us.Well do you know how this story plays out?Caleb is from the tribe of Judah. His nephew, Othniel, became the first judge of Israel. He is in the lineage of King David, and of Christ.The spirit of Caleb is a calm confidence in the promises of God. He trusts the Lord to help him. Caleb also has a patient spirit. Remember, he has waited 45 years to claim that mountain.Ephraim continues to complain and react. The scuffles with Gideon and Jephthah follow. And then Jeroboam, an Ephraimite, leads in the rebellion of the northern kingdom.In Hosea, the Lord calls Ephraim a “cake not turned”. (Hosea 7:8) A great explanation I’ve heard of that verse is that Ephraim was “burnt on one side and raw on the other.”The spirit of Ephraim is self-important, sensitive to status, sensitive to being excluded.It sounds like:“Why didn’t they ask me? Don’t they know who I am? How talented I am? Don’t they know what I could offer?I am great. I’m capable of more.”When that attitude persists, it can turn into resentment, bitterness and backsliding. Nothing satisfies that spirit. Joshua couldn’t redirect Ephraim’s attitude. Gideon’s words didn’t calm this spirit. Both Caleb and Ephraim wanted more land. The difference was where they had placed their confidence. Ephraim was looking at themselves, saying “We are great.” Caleb looked to God and said “He is great.”Ephraim compared, complained, and demanded to be recognized and included.Caleb quietly trusted God’s promises, waited for His blessings, and claimed a mountain.We may want more, but we ought to claim it in God’s strength. We may want to feel recognized and included, but we should desire to be where God places us. May we not think that we are deserving of more through anything of our selves, but may we lean on God’s grace to give us all that He has promised.For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it? —1 Corinthians 4:7 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

As I was driving in the snow Monday morning, I realized this was the pretty snow. Big, fat flakes swirled around, and I could see the definition of each flake on my car window before it quickly melted away.I had every intention of coming home from the grocery and doing laundry.But I grabbed my camera instead.I stood in 20-degree weather, focusing my macro lens on miniature marvels. Intent on holding a steady focus, I didn’t notice how my fingers were frozen. I was grinning—so excited to know I was capturing these little miracles of ice.Inside, warming up, and reviewing the photos on my computer, I was awestruck at how amazing our Creator is.God the Father takes so much care to create something so unique, so fragile, so breathtakingly beautiful—and it literally melts moments after it falls to earth. How many billions of snowflakes are never admired, never photographed, never appreciated—and yet, He designs them anyway.Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. —James 4:14Snowflakes are vapor. Intricately designed, frozen water vapor. Would anyone complain if every snowflake looked the same? Would anyone even notice? Most don’t last long enough to be studied. But just because they are temporary does not mean they are trivial.In their microscopic detail, they give glory to an Almighty Creator. And that tells me something about the character of God. He is careful.Snowflakes fall wherever the Creator places them. They don’t fight to land on the nicest ski slope in Switzerland; they accept falling in an unnoticed corner of a random backyard.We too, are His workmanship.For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. —Ephesians 2:10We are His creation, made with skill and loving attention. Why should we resist where He has placed us? Why should we fear that He made a mistake?Do you think that trials come into your life because God ran out of ideas? He isn’t panicking. He isn’t scrambling to improvise under pressure. He can craft a perfect snowflake that lasts mere seconds. How much more does He love you, with a soul that will last for all eternity?God is constant. We are not. Our emotions fluctuate week to week, hour by hour. We go through ‘seasons of life’. Our roles change, our energy fluctuates. Sometimes what we thought was a clear calling can feel shelved.But think of Gideon. He was not standing on a battlefield when God called him. He was literally hiding, merely surviving a difficult ‘season’.And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him, and said unto him, The LORD is with thee, thou mighty man of valour. —Judges 6:12There’s no evidence that Gideon felt mighty. He doubted. He hesitated. He asked for signs. And yet God did not reject him. He called Gideon mighty according to what He was forming, not based on where Gideon was the moment He called him.Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: —Philippians 1:6Why do we doubt His ability to create something beautiful out of our lives? Why would we question His infinite power? Only God can see the full picture. He knows exactly what He has begun in you and He will not give up and cast it aside.This past Sunday, we sang “Living by Faith,” and I just about choked on the words. Because, if I am honest, that day I did care what the morrow would bring. I did care if the tempest blew, if storm clouds arose. Sometimes I know my worry is vain, but I do it anyway.A truer hymn in that moment felt like, “Many times Satan whispers there is no need to try, for there’s no end of sorrow, there’s no hope by and by…”But if God gives intricate care to a snowflake, that alone should challenge the lies Satan hurls.God is careful.God is creative.He is constant.He forms these beautiful snowflakes, and He’s forming you, too. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

You can listen to me read this reflection aloud, just by clicking ‘play’ above.Today is Thursday, February 12. If you are following a yearly Bible reading plan, you have likely landed in the book of Leviticus this week.Can I be honest? Leviticus is hard.I don’t know how many times I would start out January 1 full of determination to read my Bible through faithfully, only to crash somewhere around this book.Genesis is easy, right? It’s full of stories—the glory of creation, Noah’s ark, the love story of Isaac and Rebekah, the sibling rivalry of Jacob and Esau, and then Joseph— from the pit to the palace. Exodus gives us the incredible account of genocide, plagues, and the raising up of Moses, a deliverer called from the burning bush, able to part the Red Sea with God’s power.And then, we turn the page.Suddenly the vivid Bible storybook feels like it’s been replaced with a policies and procedures manual.Animal sacrifices. Burnt offerings. Meat offerings. Drink offerings. And what exactly is a wave offering? Details about blood and fat and kidneys. It feels tedious. It gets…boring.But if the Bible is true when it says that “All scripture is given by inspiriation of God and is profitable...” (2 Timothy 3:16) if the Old Testament was “written for our admonition” (1 Corinthians 10:11), then what am I to do with Leviticus in the church age? Jesus Christ has already offered Himself “once for all” (Hebrews 10:10) so...can’t I just skip all this animal sacrifice stuff?This week I’d like to share a reflection I’ve gleaned from this daunting book and would encourage you to look for some similar nuggets. May Leviticus not be a book to be endured, but one to draw us closer to our Savior.The Burnt OfferingThe very beginning of Leviticus outlines the burnt sacrifice for atonement. It was brought “of his own voluntary will.” (Leviticus 1:3) It was not forced. Salvation too, is offered freely to “whosoever will” come. Nothing has excluded you from God’s saving grace given by His Son, Jesus Christ.For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. —John 3:16The atoning power of the burnt offering is not only available to all but it is also accessible by all. It was to be “a male without blemish” but it could be a bullock (1:5), a sheep or goat (1:10), or even turtle doves or pigeons (1:14) for the very poor. Atonement was not limited to only the wealthy, or to those born in the right family. God made a way for every person to bring a burnt offering that was a “sweet savour unto the Lord.” The smoke rose from the altar, entered Heaven and pleased God.The beautiful story of atonement—I could never pay for my own sins. Nothing I can do could satisfy a holy God. But the sacrifice of His holy, sinless Son makes perfect atonement for me. This is why God was satisfied and pleased with Christ’s death.In Ephesians 5:2 we are told that Christ “hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrfice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.” He was the ultimate, final sacrifice. Like the burnt offerings, he “offered himself without spot” (Hebrews 9:14) and obtained eternal redemption for us, something that the “blood of bulls and goats” could never do. (Hebrews 9:12, 10:4)The Meat OfferingLeviticus chapter 2 outlines the meat offering consisting of fine flour, oil, and frankincense. It, too, is accessible to all. Notice that there are three different ways of preparation that God names as acceptable—it could be baken in the oven (2:4), baken in the pan (2:5) or baken in the fryingpan (2:7). One commentator suggested that these different preparations may reflect different economic status; some could afford an oven while others may only have a fryingpan. Whether that is historically accurate I can’t confirm, but it is interesting that the meat offering, like the burnt offering, had some allowances.But in spite of those allowable differences, God’s rules must still be followed. The meat offering was not “bring whatever you want.”Cain is already our example that self-chosen offerings are not acceptable. Cain’s vegetable offering was not rejected because he was poor. Abel’s sacrifice was accepted because it was what God wanted. The blood atonement came first, just as the burnt offering of Leviticus 1.The meat offering that followed the blood atonement had to be brought God’s way. But however it was brought, baked in the oven or fryingpan, the priest was required to bring it to the altar. (Leviticus 2:8) Our own High Priest does not turn away our humble gifts. Jesus said, “him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.” (John 6:37b)Examine the ingredients: fine flour and oil. No blood. Just stuff from every day life. Common. Ordinary. Dare I say, reasonable?I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.—Romans 12:1No longer are we required to bring burnt offerings and meat or drink offerings, but Paul does beseech or strongly encourage us to offer our selves as a living sacrifice.Like the meat offering in Leviticus 2, the sacrifice mentioned in Romans 12 comes after the atoning work of Christ’s blood.For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God; being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood... —Romans 3:23-25aThe meat offering was also “of a sweet savour unto the Lord.”The Lesson of a Sweet SavourWhat made it sweet? And how can this apply to me today?It wasn’t extravagance or creativity. It wasn’t that someone tried really hard.It was simply...obedience. It was bringing what God had prescribed, in the way He had prescribed it.The bullock and the turtle dove both rose from the altar the same way — as a sweet savour. The flour and oil did too.And in some crazy way Leviticus sort of encourages me.Because in Christ, the atonement has already been made. The blood has already been offered. God the Father is satisfied.So when Romans 12 calls me to present my body a living sacrifice, it isn’t to earn salvation. My eternity has already been settled. But it calls me to obedience.My praise is a sacrifice.My thanksgiving is a sacrifice.Even a broken spirit is a sacrifice.It's not dramatic or flashy.Just faithful obedience.Imagine walking into a home filled with the sweet smell of cookies or cinnamon rolls baking in the oven. You don’t see the flour or the oil. You just smell something warm and good. We love what it produces.Sacrificial obedience has that same aroma to our Heavenly Father.So maybe that’s why Leviticus feels tedious sometimes. Because obedience can be repetitive. Faithfulness is repetitive.And maybe the point isn’t to be thrilled every February when I hit this book.Maybe the point is to just keep going.So if you’re bogged down in your Bible reading this week, don’t quit.Keep reading.I promise you, there’s more in there than just kidneys.Thanks for reading. If this was an encouragement to you, please consider sharing it with a friend! If you haven’t already subscribed, I publish reflections on Scripture every week and would be honored if you’d like to receive them. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Tuesday was a difficult day.I can’t explain what started it, I simply came home from running errands, sat down, and after a few moments, found myself crying.Then I started writing in my journal and poured it all out.Specifically, I wrote about how hard it was to be thankful.I don’t find it hard to be thankful that mom is gone; I wrote, though it hurts, I am confident that God has a purpose for that. I am thankful that she is free from pain and suffering and I know she wouldn’t trade places if she had the chance. I know, no matter how much she loved me or her granddaughters, that she loves her Savior more.But at times, I find it hard to be thankful for all the changes that losing her has brought.As I revisited those thoughts Wednesday morning, my heart kept tugging me back to a verse I have been meditating on for a few weeks.The heart knoweth his own bitterness; —Proverbs 14:10aWhen I first noticed that, I scribbled in my margin— “you’re bitter and you know it.”In Ephesians 4:30 we are instructed not to grieve the Holy Spirit. In the very next verse, Scripture lays out a laundry list of things that should be put away—and bitterness is at the top of that list.And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:—Ephesians 4:30, 31I don’t want to be bitter.I don’t want to grieve the Holy Spirit.But I know me.I know what upsets me. What secret thoughts I harbor. What frustrations I fight.When I was caught up in the midst of my ‘moment’ Tuesday, I wrote, ‘part of me still wants to just sit down and cry. Pull the covers up over my head and be angry at the world and angry at everybody. There’s a fire that lights up inside of me when I think of how frustrated I am.’But I know that response is the working of my flesh.Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. —Galatians 5:19-21The works of the flesh are...hatred...wrath, strife...Those words are bundled together with more appalling sins such as ‘adultery, fornication, witchcraft, murders...’ and it can be easy to rush through the list and not put ourselves there.But friend, I’m telling you. My flesh was there.At its core, what I felt could be called hatred.“Wrath” is extreme anger and yes, sometimes I get angry.Not about the fact that my mom is gone, but with the profound shift that losing her made in my world.The woman I am today doesn’t feel like the same woman I was two years ago. Before mom got sick. Before she died. Before any of this could have been foreseen.You see, it wasn’t the big loss that was the most difficult.It’s all the tiny losses I still notice, months later.Not having her to talk to throughout my day.Not having her to share in the excitements, victories, or struggles that I and my girls experience.Little things, that only my heart can feel.Invisible things, that no one else knows I carry.Even though my husband is my best friend and has supported me more in the last 18 months than I ever dreamed possible—he cannot begin to put himself inside my heart and know exactly what I feel, no matter how hard I try to explain or describe it.We can’t always put ourselves in someone else’s shoes.I’m told that even siblings (of whom I have none) experience grief differently when they lose a parent.Whatever loss or grief you feel, whatever frustration or difficulty you face—it is unique to you.When I lost Rebekah and Rachel, I was younger. More immature.When older women would tell me they, too, had experienced a miscarriage and that they ‘knew how I felt’—it wasn’t a comfort to me. I bristled against those words because this was no ‘miscarriage’—I was 23 weeks along. I was past viability (or so I thought). And this wasn’t just one baby, it was two.You don’t know how I feel, I would think.And I so desperately wanted someone to know how I felt.I remember one older, matronly friend squeezing my hand and saying ‘no one knows just what you’re feeling but you.’ And in that moment, those felt like the coldest, most empty words I’d ever heard.But she was right.The heart knoweth his own bitterness.But praise the Lord there is one who knows my heart.When my heart is low, when I feel those works of the flesh begin stirring and threatening to overwhelm me...No one understands! —I think—I’m all alone in this!The sweet Holy Spirit brings ‘all things to [my] remembrance’ and speaks through His Word reminding me:That Christ was acquainted with grief.That He was oppressed and afflicted.That He was forsaken.And that He can give peace and comfort like no one else can.That little bud of the Holy Spirit begins to blossom in my heart and bids me to exchange my hurt and anger and frustration for love, joy and peace.It may not be polite for me to admit that I struggle with this, but it should not be a surprise.The Bible plainly says:For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.—Galatians 5:17Paul wasn’t ashamed to admit that he struggled.For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing...For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do...For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind... —Romans 7:18-23, selectedJust because you’re saved doesn’t mean you won’t have difficulties.Your eternal soul is still walking around in this sinful flesh.Flesh that is still capable of doing all those evil works of Galatians 5:19.Flesh that must be crucified.Walking in the Spirit is something I have to purpose in my heart to do.It isn’t always easy.My flesh usually doesn’t want to go down without a fight.But I know it is the good and the right thing to do.Tuesday my prayer was one of obedience.Lord, I’m hurting. It feels good to cry. It feels good to sit with this frustration. I just want to wallow in it. But Lord, I know this is my flesh speaking. I know that’s not pleasing to You.Help me, Lord.Help me put this away.Fill me with your Holy Spirit.It didn’t come immediately.But I was able to stop crying. I was able to get up, move on, and press forward with the tasks of the day.And this morning I can feel those fresh mercies.There’s a glimmer of hope there that wasn’t there before.My heart may know its own bitterness, but the verse doesn’t stop there.The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy.Intermeddle is a strong word.It means I have a joy in my heart that no one can steal, no one can hinder or interfere with.There’s a peace in my heart that the world never gave,A peace it cannot take away;Tho’ the trials of life may surround like a cloud,I’ve a peace that has come there to stay!Constantly abiding. He never leaves.You may be the only one who knows how you feel, but as you choose obedience, especially on the difficult days, you are not walking alone. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Late last summer, within the span of a single month, I fell through two chairs. I will admit, I’m not a petite woman; I am tall, but fairly average. Neither chair looked unsafe. I didn’t feel the need to inspect them. I simply sat down. And for a time, both chairs held me. Until they didn’t. On both occasions, there was no warning, no ominous sound of ripping fabric. I was just seated one moment and on the ground the next. Both chairs turned out to be dry rotted. Since then, I can assure you, I give unfamiliar chairs a sideways glance. Falling like that can make a cynic out of anyone. I have learned ...not all chairs can be ‘trusted’.A couple weeks ago, I shared some thoughts on Psalm 37 and God’s instruction to ‘fret not.’ Instead, we are commanded to ‘trust in the Lord.’But what does that trust look like?Can I trust God?Do I sometimes give Him a suspicious glance?Do I trust that He knows what He’s doing?Especially when ‘what He’s doing’ makes me feel incredulous?One of the commandments God gave the children of Israel in Leviticus 25 was to set apart the seventh year and allow the land to rest. They weren’t to plant any food.If you’ve ever depended on a garden for food, you know that the green beans you planted in 2024 fed you in 2025. And a bountiful harvest one year can make up for a lean year the next. If the commandment was not to plant...how would they survive? How could that be sustainable?Unbelief arises—a nice word for ‘suspicion,’ ‘doubt,’ and ‘lack of trust’.The children of Israel were a doubtful bunch.Can God furnish a table in the wilderness? (Psalm 78:19)And yet the merciful Father anticipates this and tells them:I will command my blessing upon you in the sixth year, and it shall bring forth fruit for three years. And ye shall sow the eighth year, and eat yet of old fruit until the ninth year; —Leviticus 25:21, 22He knows our frame. He knows our tendency to doubt and He responds with abundant blessings. As Christ told the disciples:Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? Or, What shall we drink? Or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your Heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. —Matthew 6:31, 32Over and over in Scripture, God reminds us of His promise to provide for us.Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. —Psalm 55:22But we still want to cling to our own burdens at times, don’t we? Why? If He promises to provide...?But I don’t see the solution! We say. I don’t see the provision! It feels like everything is falling apart! We grow restless.Our loving Heavenly Father anticipated this as well, and gently says--”Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall:“ (Ruth 3:18)Sit still.Calm down.What do the experts say when an emergency arises? “Stay calm.” Why? Panicking affects your ability to think clearly. You may act impulsively and cause more harm, or you may freeze and not be able to react at all, furthering the damage. When you are calm, others around you can remain calm. This is why we laud our first responders as heroes, because of their super-human ability to remain calm under pressure.Their strength is to sit still. —Isaiah 30:7b. For thus saith the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not. But ye said, No; for we will flee upon horses... 30:15, 16 ...blessed are all they that wait for him. 30:18bThe ‘horses’ there represent misplaced trust. The Egyptian horses, the world’s methods.Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the Lord! —Isaiah 31:1Like Saul, who was afraid of the Philistines in 1 Samuel 28—he could not wait for an answer from the Lord, and sought answers from the witch at Endor. We too, tend to run around seeking our own solutions, figuring it out on our own. Let me see what Google says. Well, what do my friends on Facebook think? What does ChatGPT say about it? What if the answer is out there, I just need to search harder?We whip ourselves into a frenzy trying to figure out a solution to our problem when the Lord is quietly inviting us to simply trust Him. He that believeth shall not make haste. Isaiah 28:16Don’t be in a hurry.Sit still.Trust.Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.—Psalm 27:14And while we wait, we rehearse.Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God. —Psalm 20:7This was where the children of Israel failed most often. The commandment was clear—don’t be afraid, trust. Remember.Thou shalt not be afraid of them: but shalt well remember what the Lord thy God did unto Pharaoh, and unto all Egypt; —Deuteronomy 7:18This is why it is so important to testify of God’s blessings! Have you forgotten all the little miracles He’s blessed and provided with over the years? Keep a record of His goodness. I have some of my Grandma’s prayer lists and love hunting for her “A.P.” —notes of answered prayers. I mark stars next to my own answered prayers. My prayer journal is full—not just of requests and worries, but thank you notes I have written to God. How uplifting is it to go back through and remind myself how good God has been!Like those dry-rotted chairs, some things appear trustworthy only to fail after we have put our full weight on them for a time. But past experience has shown me that no matter what I have been through, the Lord has not failed me once. He has sustained me and continues to.For our heart shall rejoice in him, because we have trusted in his holy name. —Psalm 33:21Yes, trusting the Lord can be scary at times.Yes, He works on His own timetable and is never in a hurry. But don’t doubt His power to part the Red Sea the very moment you need to cross.Trust Him. Rejoice! And say confidently:For the Lord God will help me: therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed. —Isaiah 50:7 This is a public episode. 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No time to read? Feel free to listen as I read this devotion! Just press play above. ^ This week’s article, as always, is also available for listening wherever you get your Podcasts. Just search for ‘Light in the Margins’.This week, I invite you to think back to elementary school. Did your teacher ever assign “classroom jobs”? Each week, a new student would be chosen for a special duty like holding the door, being first in line, or leading pledges.As a Sunday school teacher, I work with girls in first and second grade, and I’d like to share our lesson from this past Sunday.In 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles, we learned about David’s desire to build a temple for the Lord.In 2 Samuel 6, David succeeds in gloriously returning the ark of the covenant to the tabernacle in the city of David. In the next chapter, we see David sitting in his house, peacefully enjoying the great gifts of God. Looking around at his cedar-walled house, a great idea comes to the King. He tells the prophet Nathan—“I dwell in an house of cedar, but the ark of God dwelleth within curtains.” (7:2) In essence, ‘God deserves better than a tent, and I want to build Him a house.’Nathan’s response is encouraging— “Go, do all that is in thine heart; for the Lord is with thee,” he says. Sounds like a great idea to me, King. You’ve been blessed of God, clearly He is with you.In 1 Chronicles 21, we learn the preparations and sacrifices David made for the temple—purchasing the place of the threshingfloor of Ornan. Ornan tells David “Take it to thee”—basically offering the land to David for free—and David replies “Nay; but I will verily buy it for the full price” (21:24). As the account is given in 2 Samuel 24, David says in verse 24: “neither will I offer burnt offerings unto the Lord my God of that which doth cost me nothing.” Not willing to take favors or handouts, David insisted that he pay the actual price for the ground.David made great plans. The first few verses of 1 Chronicles 22 outlines how he gathered stones, iron, brass, and trees. He was invested in the details of this temple, down to the nails. And as you read all the preparations, it may sound like David was planning to build the temple himself.But there’s one little detail that I’ve left out.David’s plan was rejected by God.After David tells Nathan of his desire, after Nathan confirms ‘do all that is in thine heart’—that night, God spoke to Nathan. And through His prophet, God told David—you aren’t going to build that temple, your son will.And it shall come to pass, when thy days be expired that thou must go to be with thy fathers, that I will raise up thy seed after thee, which shall be of thy sons; and I will establish his kingdom. He shall build me an house, and I will stablish his throne for ever.— 1 Chronicles 17:11-12It’s a great idea, David; but no, that’s not My plan.It’s a familiar tension. We want to do the big things, don’t we?I asked my Sunday school girls, what’s the classroom job you most want to have in school? Almost everyone said line leader. When I asked what’s the least favorite job, cleaning desks, sweeping, and straightening up toy bins were among the less desirable tasks.One assignment gets the attention. The others are quiet and tedious.As I was teaching, my own heart was convicted as I thought about their responses. We can all just be little girls at heart sometimes, can’t we? I still want to be the ‘line leader’. In a grown-up context I mean, there are times I want to be in charge. I want to be the one with the next Big Idea. I want to be the one informing—not the one being informed. ‘Look at me, I’m first. Follow me.’ Of course, I don’t want to imply that we shouldn’t have ambitions or goals. I’m not suggesting that we shouldn't strive to be first. The Bible encourages us to work hard. God values excellence and wholehearted service.And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; —Colossians 3:23Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; —Ecclesiastes 9:10aKnow ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. —1 Corinthians 9:24The danger comes not in the ambition or ‘big ideas’. The danger comes when we are not yielded to God’s will in humility.As I told my students, there’s nothing wrong with desiring to be the line leader. The question is, what do you do when you aren’t chosen? What is your response when you are asked to serve a ‘lesser’ role? When you’re asked to do the less glamorous work of sweeping the floor or wiping down desks? When children don’t get the job they want, they might pout or be upset. They may take it as a personal rejection that the teacher chose someone else. But as grown ups we know the teacher is just trying to be fair, and trying to give each child a turn. We trust the teacher has a plan and a reason.David’s ambitious desire was rejected by God, not because it was evil, but simply because God had a different plan.David’s response is instructive to us. He did not get angry. He didn’t stop serving God. He didn’t say ‘forget it—if my name isn’t on the building, I won’t help my son build it. If I won’t even get to see the temple, I’m not going to sacrifice and give and work to gather the land and materials for it.’David was able to accept God’s plan because He loved God. He trusted that His plan was better. He was satisfied to do whatever God would allow him—even if it wasn’t what he initially desired. He was willing to work sacrificially even if it meant someone else would get the glory in his stead. In turn, David taught Solomon the value of knowing God and serving Him.And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the Lord searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever. Take heed now; for the Lord hath chosen thee to build an house for the sanctuary: be strong, and do it. —1 Chronicles 28:9-10And here is the remarkable thing—David’s ambitious desire pleased the Lord. Even though Solomon was chosen to build the temple, he stated, “the Lord said unto David my father, Whereas it was in thine heart to build an house unto my name, thou didst well that it was in thine heart.” (1 Kings 8:18)Even though David wasn’t to build the temple, God told him, ‘you did good’ just for having the desire in his heart. I’m so thankful for that encouragement. Even though I may not get to live out my dreams or desires to do something great for God, it seems to please Him that it’s simply in my heart. That is enough for me to be satisfied.So what do we do when our good, godly aspirations don’t seem to line up with God’s plan? We keep serving Him. Even if it takes work. Even if it costs us something, as the threshing floor cost David. Even if it requires us to humble ourselves.Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. —Psalm 37:4, 5Good desire, given God’s way. Learning that it isn’t about you, your accomplishments or your abilities. It’s about being a willing vessel, trusting God’s plan.Even if that means it would be better for me to sweep the floor in obedience than lead a line in my own strength.If this was a blessing, I would be honored if you would share it with a friend! This is a public episode. 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Are you a worrier? I remember thinking as a child that my mom did nothing but worry. Of course now, as a mother myself, I realize her worry was proportional to her love for me. It can be easy to dismiss some worry as just an expression of love. But Scripture uses another word for worry—fret—that deserves our attention.Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity…Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.—Psalm 37:1, 7 and 8In Psalm 37 we read the phrase “fret not” three times. Have you ever stopped to define it? What comes to mind when you think of “fretting” over something? I imagine someone pacing, biting their nails, wringing their hands, really ‘tore out of the frame’. Fretting feels like worrying at full volume (or maybe after three cups of coffee). And if you’ve ever fretted, you know how it feels.Interestingly, the first mention of ‘fretting’ in the King James Bible appears in Leviticus as it describes leprosy corroding a garment. I was surprised to learn the dictionary defines fretting as eating away, agitating, irritating. Fretting is not just the usual worry or passive concern. It is destructive.Maybe you have experienced a worry that eats away at you. Something that you just can’t stop turning over in your mind. Sometimes we can live with what feels like “background static”—persistent worry that is ever present, humming beneath the surface. We wait on things we have no control over: doctor’s appointments, test results, a returned phone call. We endure things we cannot fix: silence from a loved one who is prodigal, self-destructing, or without salvation. There are some burdens we have carried for so long that we just accept them as part of daily life.Hannah is a woman in the Bible who was fretted. And her adversary also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the LORD had shut up her womb. — 1 Samuel 1:6 Hannah was childless, something entirely beyond her control. The Lord had withheld what she deeply desired, and Peninnah used that sorrow to provoke her.What did Hannah’s fretting look like? Verses 7-15 tells us that she wept and did not eat. She was in bitterness of soul and of a sorrowful spirit. Her inner turmoil affected her outwardly.That is often the case with us as well. The emotional strain of real worry and concern can affect our countenance. Our faces often reveal what our hearts are carrying, even if they betray what we would like the world to think of us. I once heard a preacher’s wife compare the face to a billboard, advertising what is within. Whether we intend it or not, our expressions display our discomfort, our irritation, or our peace. How often have I caught myself with a pained look on my face in what should have been a happy occasion—only to realize that my mind was far away, rehearsing worries and fears. Worry can affect us in unseen ways, as well. Some experience headaches, ulcers or other physical complaints from prolonged stress. Recently, the background static of worry broke me. Over the Christmas break I experienced an afternoon of dizziness because the overwhelm in my mind was so great. My body was rebelling against the pressure I was feeling. Because I could not look at a computer screen without my brain swimming, I had no choice but to rest. (And I’m glad to say after a good night’s rest I felt much better!)Beyond physical consequences, the Psalms warns us that fretting can lead us to sin. “Fret not thyself in any wise to do evil,” Psalm 37:8 says. When we are agitated and overwhelmed, we become ‘touchy’ or ‘edgy’. I know when I am overwhelmed and distracted by worries, I’m more likely to have a short temper with my children and be less patient with others. It may not feel like “evil”...but impatience is still sin.Likewise, when dealing with a problem I cannot control, my mind tries to fix things. I try to fill in the gaps, building up imaginations to explain the silence. But that too, is sin, isn’t it? We are instructed in 2 Corinthians to “Cast[] down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bring[] into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” Fretting thrives in those unbridled imaginations.When the Bible tells us to “fret not” it isn’t just a suggestion, but is a way of offering us protection. Fretting costs more than we realize. It wears on the body, drains the spirit, and pulls us away from rest. When we fret, we are literally eating away at ourselves, whether by tension or fatigue.Psalm 37 tells us that in exchange for fretting, we should trust in the Lord...rest in the Lord...and wait patiently for Him.Have you ever been in a room where the television or radio is constantly on? After awhile, you may ‘tune it out’ and not notice the noise at all. You learn to live with it. Yet when it is finally turned off, you realize how much that constant noise had been wearing on you. The sudden silence feels peaceful.As we begin this new year, many will look for ways to reduce stress. Are your worries loud? Or have you grown accustomed to the noise of your own fretting? This week, I invite you to ponder whether you are worried or fretting, and what that fretting does to you. Perhaps its effects are not as dramatic as stomach ulcers and dizzy spells. But no matter the burden you carry, the Lord invites us to cast it upon Him. He cares for you. And He offers rest and peace to those who will trust Him. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Do you like olives? Maybe in a salad, stuffed with feta cheese or pimentos? Or maybe atop a slice of supreme pizza. I suppose it’s a mature taste; I don’t think I started enjoying olives until I was an adult.Olive trees and olive oil are images God uses throughout His word and one morning during my quiet time, I stumbled into studying the historical and cultural significance of olives. It was a blessing to me, and I’d like to share it.That day, my reading found me in Psalm 1. The first three verses read:Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.The Psalm is short but descriptive. A blessed man is like a tree that is alive and rooted near a steady water supply. It does not bear fruit year-round, but in its season. And even when it is not bearing visible fruit, its leaf does not wither.A fruit yielding tree, with a leaf that does not wither when it is healthy—what type of tree was the Psalmist picturing when he wrote those words? I wondered.I then turned over to Romans 11 for my New Testament passage for the day, and read Paul’s description of the nation of Israel:And if some of the branches be broken off, and thou, being a wild olive tree, wert grafted in among them, and with them partakest of the root and fatness of the olive tree;—Romans 11:17Could the olive tree be the tree in Psalm 1? I decided to dig into it.Under normal circumstances, I learned, an olive tree is in fact evergreen. Right now, in winter, most fruit tress have lost their leaves, but the olive tree, even when it is not bearing fruit, still retains its dense, silver-green foliage. Fruit appears in the proper season, but the tree never appears dead.Olive trees are pollinated mostly by wind, which I found to be a fascinating little detail. Much like the work of the Holy Spirit, wind is unseen and uncontrollable, but extremely effective.Harvesting olives requires shaking or thrashing the tree to force the fruit to fall. In Bible times they would have been struck repeatedly to shake the olives out. Even today, mechanical shakers are used to grip the tree’s trunk and use vibration to drop the olives into nets.I was also surprised to learn that ripe, raw olives are bitter and inedible. Thousands of years ago, olives were primarily grown to use their oil instead of using on a charcuterie board. “Oil olive” was used in lamps and cooking, for sacrifice, anointing, and even wound care. The olives were crushed into a pulp and pressed to squeeze out the valuable liquid. But once extracted, the oil brought life—light, nourishment, worship, and healing.Those details stuck with me. The true value of the olive wasn’t in the fruit as it ripened on the tree, but in what the fruit released under pressure. The oil wasn’t visible, nor was it immediate. Both the tree and the fruit must go through beating, pressure, and time before the oil comes forth.The blessed man in Psalm 1 is not described as a man of constant production. Like the tree, he is fruitful, but only in season. The rest of the year he is quietly sustained by the river, rooted and alive.Sometimes we can feel like our fruit is delayed or unseen. We are rooted and faithful, but sometimes quiet and unnoticed. We know we are alive in Christ but...can’t see any proof. Nothing that feels measurable or impressive. It can be easy to feel like those seasons are wasted, or worse, that they are evidence of failure.Sometimes the blessings of God can feel hidden. The imagery of Psalm 1 tells me that if my roots are near the water, near the Living Water—if my heart is cleansed by “the washing of water by the word”—if I delight in the law of the Lord and meditate therein day and night—life is present.And if life is present, and the promise is sure—”whatsoever he doeth shall prosper”—then I will bring forth fruit—in season.Other times that we can see fruit in our lives, but it feels small. And harvesting that fruit can sometimes be done in ways we would never choose, in the same way the olive tree is beaten, shaken, and the olives pressed for their oil. But remember, the olive itself is not immediately useful.Olive oil was never rushed. It was expected, and waited for, with hope and trust that it would appear at the right time. Similarly, we do not need to rush to prove ourselves in every moment. We may not be able to comprehend exactly what the Lord is doing in our lives, but it isn’t our job to understand.It is enough for today that you remain faithful, steady, rooted in God’s Word and planted by the river of Living Water. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Twenty-twenty five seems to be the year of the ‘wrap up.’ I have gotten more emails and app notifications lately summarizing my activity over the last year. Most are downright embarrassing—48 trips to Chipotle? Guilty. But today I’d like to do a wrap up of my own and share a record of the books I read that have shaped me over the course of 2025. Maybe you’ll find something that sparks your interest for 2026. Above All ElseMore important than any of these books, I finished my Bible reading through twice, with additional trips through Psalms and Proverbs throughout each month. Nothing can replace the richness of the wisdom found in the Word of God. BiographiesThe Life and Letters of Mrs. Emily C. Judson, A.C. Kendrick—A portrait of a thoughtful, growing Christian woman. She was the third wife of missionary Adoniram Judson and the author of the Memoir of Sarah B. Judson. Her story pulled me in as she learned to set aside personal ambitions to submit her talent to pursue the will of God. Hudson Taylor’s Spiritual Secret, Dr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor—Not a dramatic secret at all, but a steady abiding in the presence of the Holy Spirit and not relying on his own strength. The trust that he learned through obedience was simple and powerful.These Strange Ashes, Elisabeth Elliot—Centered around Elliot’s life as a missionary in Ecuador, mostly before she was married to Jim Elliot. A story of unmet expectations and learning to be yielded to God’s will and be obedient even when things are confusing.The Hiding Place, Corrie ten Boom—This was always one of my mom’s favorites but I hadn’t read it since middle school. A memoir of the ten Boom family’s work hiding Jews above their watchmaking shop in Nazi-occupied Holland. Seeing how the Lord provided for Corrie and her sister Betsie in the Ravensbruck concentration camp will strengthen your own faith. Worth reading every year.The Small Woman, Alan Burgess—A biography of Gladys Aylward, an English domestic servant with stalwart determination to serve God. She tried to take courses at the China Inland Missionary Center and failed. Being forced back into servile work, she laid her two and half pennies on her Bible, and cried, “Oh God, here’s my Bible! Here’s my money! Here’s me! Use me, Oh God!” She was so determined to get to the mission field, she chose the least expensive (though most dangerous) route to China and traveled alone across Siberia. In time, she became known for her courageous wartime rescue and care of children there in China. The Triumph of John and Betty Stam, Mrs. Howard Taylor—Another page-turner. Published soon after their deaths, this biography examines the couple’s short ministry to China and their martyrdom. Their faith in God’s provision is met in amazing ways, and the miracle of their only infant child surviving them is a fascinating story. Marriage to a Difficult Man: The Uncommon Union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards, Elisabeth Dodds—One I stayed up late to finish. Though written about a couple who lived in the 1700s, it is surprisingly readable and relatable. A bit of a love story; Sarah’s steadiness and support of her husband is remarkable. Though Edwards is a giant of the faith, this biography shows a respectful look ‘behind the scenes’ of the rise of his ministry and their Puritan way of family life. The Edwards left an incredible legacy in their eleven children, an encouragement to all mothers who have sacrificed to raise their family in the nurture of the Lord.A Chance to Die, Elliot—I listened to this audiobook biography of missionary Amy Carmichael, an Irish missionary who served in India for over fifty years. She founded the Dohnavur Fellowship, a refuge for orphaned and unwanted children. Devotional/TopicalKeep a Quiet Heart, Elisabeth Elliot—Comforting, quiet encouragement. Not a daily devotion, but over a hundred short thoughts centered around trusting God.God’s Guidance: A Slow and Certain Light, Elliot—This is not a workbook on ‘how to find the will of God,’ but more of a guide to drawing closer and trusting Him in all decisions of life, small and great.Kept for the Master’s Use, Frances Ridley Havergal— Structured around her hymn “Take My Life and Let it Be,” Havergal encourages complete surrender to the Lord, giving Him our hands, voice, silver and gold, our wills and our selves. Challenging and encouraging.Prayer: Its Necessity, and Prayer: The Reality, and others by E.M. Bounds—A nice little series of books on prayer written in the 1800s that I purchased from eBay. All stress the importance of prayer, the work of faith, and putting prayer into practice.A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis—A profound little book, it is essentially Lewis’ private journal after the death of his wife. It is raw and honest. And I think it reflects the fact that there is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of a loved one.Humility: The Beauty of Holiness, Andrew Murray—Written in 1910, a book I have read through twice. It examines the humility of Christ and challenges us to self-denial and become a vessel for God’s use. I hope to share more of this book and its challenging thoughts, but for now I will close with this quote— “Let us look upon every brother who tries or vexes us, as God’s means of grace, God’s instrument for our purification…” A tall order, to be sure.In ClosingI did not begin 2025 with the goal of reading anything other than my Bible. In truth, I stumbled across Emily Judson’s 19th-century biography in late January and it opened the flood gate. Until now, I considered myself a fiction-only reader; it was always my husband who liked ‘boring’ non-fiction and biographies. But I have found that these stories of faithful servants—reading about those who walked difficult roads and learned to trust God—has bolstered my faith and been good companionship. And to those of you who have been reading my reflections since I timidly began this space in April—I am grateful to have had a small part of your year and pray I have been an encouragement. On to 2026! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

One of my favorite accessories to bring out at Christmastime is my grandmothers Christmas hankie. With its border of poinsettias and holly scattered across a cream colored fabric, it feels festive and delicate. I don’t like to use it because it is so beautiful, but I do carry it—alongside the hankies that I use often. Those are ones that I purchased or embroidered myself, or more practical ones that my grandmother used.Ladies’ hankies are a throwback. A relic of the past that I would love to see revived—not just because they are ‘sustainable and reusable,’ but because of what they represent. A hankie requires preparation. Washing, folding, remembering to carry. They are more than a tissue; there is thought given for tomorrow’s need. A personal item designed specifically for tears. Think of all the items in your purse—keys, wallet, phone—nothing else acknowledges that we cry.A hankie anticipates tears.These days, my eyes don’t well up because I am perpetually sad or depressed. But occasionally, a line from a hymn or a truth from a sermon will stir my heart and fill me with emotion that just…bubbles up to the surface and leaks out a bit. I have learned that I can feel deeply and still function. I don’t have to steel my heart. It’s okay to be tender. My hankies quietly absorb my tears and don’t make a fuss. There’s wisdom in carrying a hankie. A maturity that says, I know tears will come, but I am prepared for them. I anticipated them.God is prepared for those tears, as well. According to Scripture, they are precious to Him…why else would He put them in a bottle and keep them in a book?Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? —Psalm 56:8Tears are never wasted, they are kept. Valued, even when they are mixed with thankfulness. Tears and faith are not opposites. The fact that my eyes still well up a year and a half after losing my mother isn’t a flaw, or a sign of unresolved grief. It simply shows that my heart is still tender. But life goes on, doesn’t it? We don’t always get the luxury of ‘having a good cry.’ Tomorrow’s checklists exist. But God will meet us there. I’m thankful that He is not frustrated or surprised by my tears. I don’t need to be ashamed of something that He values and keeps. That Christmas hankie also reminds me that Christ, too, experienced the full range of human emotion when He came to earth. For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. —Hebrews 4:15I am so thankful that Jesus did not distance Himself from sorrow. He wept with those who were weeping. And His coming was not just to be touched with our grief but to redeem us. He came as a Savior, born to die, born to suffer so that we could have eternal life. And the same God who keeps my tears has promised that some day He will wipe away every one. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.—Revelation 21:4Until then, I will wash and fold my hankies and keep a fresh one with me. Not fussing, not seeking pity, just quietly prepared for my tender heart. Even when those tears are mingled with the other joys of Christmastime. To me, tears testify that Jesus didn’t desert me in my greatest time of need. And He is there for you too, friend, carefully saving each one. …Lo I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen. —Matthew 28:20 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

An adapted version of the devotion I shared at our ladies’ Christmas Cookie Exchange on Monday, December 8.Verses mentioned:Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.—Hebrews 10:25Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.— 1 Peter 5:7Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. —Psalm 55:22Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.— Galatians 6:2Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: —1 Peter 5:8 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

We are coming in to a very busy season and I confess finding time to write has become more challenging. Holidays and church activities have kept the schedule full, but earlier this week I was reminded of a struggle I had as a young mother, one I want to share with you today.A Word of EncouragementSunday night one of my girls was up several times sick in the night, and it has been a long time since I had such broken sleep. When she woke me at midnight, and again at 2:30, I was groggy—half awake, half dreaming, and not very coherent. When my alarm finally went off at 5:30, nothing in me felt capable of focusing on prayer and Bible reading. I was exhausted.Thanks for reading Light in the Margins! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.So I listened instead. I turned on my audio Bible and listened to a few chapters. Was it my usual pace? Not at all. But you know what? It was sufficient. I was reminded to give myself grace.I also remembered how ten years ago, when my girls were babies, I struggled terribly with daily Bible reading. If I tried to wake up early, I could only hit the snooze button. If I tried to read when my girls were awake, I was interrupted every two minutes—needs, cries, noise, diapers. Back then, I wish someone had told me, “It’s okay to just listen to a Psalm. It’s okay to hear a Proverb. It counts.”So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.—Romans 10:17For years I assumed that verse belonged only in context of salvation. But we all need an increase of faith—whether we are new believers or a veteran Christian. And that faith comes through the Word of God, whether read or heard.Practical AdviceI will warn you, however, that listening can bring its own distractions. If you’re using a phone app, it can be tempting to turn the audio on and begin scrolling. Don’t do that.If you need to listen, then truly listen. Turn it on, but put your phone out of reach. Use headphones if you can. If possible, open your Bible and follow along. (Not the Bible app—open the actual pages of your Bible!)And if a verse stands out to you, pause the tape. One advantage reading has over listening is its meditative pace. Alexander Scourby doesn’t know if God is speaking to you in that moment, he just keeps reading. Don’t ignore those nudges from the Holy Spirit. Sometimes a verse will stand out to you and that is a treasure. If you can, write it on a notecard or sticky note. Keep it where you’ll see it throughout the day, maybe while you’re making bottles or rocking a sick child.But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. —Psalm 1:2Be Faithful in Little ThingsGive yourself grace on the hard days. Hunger and devotion to God’s Word is not measured by how early your alarm rings or how beautifully your prayer journal is organized. Faithfulness is measured in small, steady steps. The key is this: don’t give up.A faithful man shall abound with blessings... —Proverbs 28:20aSome days you will run. Some days you will walk. Some days the most you can manage is one small step. But one step is still movement.Don’t stand still. Don’t step backward. Don’t quit.Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors.— Proverbs 8:34A Closing CautionListening can be a lifeline during difficult seasons, but it is not meant to become a permanent substitute for a growing walk with God. I don’t want this thought to turn into an excuse for complacency. We should desire the sincere milk of the Word but keep pressing forward to the strong meat. Give yourself grace—but don’t settle. As life changes, ask the Lord if it’s time to stretch, move on, and grow again. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

When faced with a difficulty, we often try everything. We try to fix it in our own abilities, relying on our own strength and wisdom. We pray, we wait, and still see no breakthrough. We may eventually come to the end of ourselves and say, ‘I’ve tried everything.’ But...have you tried thanksgiving?This summer I read a story about Henry Frost, missionary to inland China and a contemporary of Hudson Taylor. He tells of receiving bad news from home, and the darkness that engulfed him.He wrote:I prayed, but the darkness did not vanish. I summoned myself to endure, but the darkness only deepened. Just then I went to an inland station and saw on the wall of the mission home these words: “Try Thanksgiving.” I did, and in a moment every shadow was gone, not to return.—Henry W. Frost, quoted by E.M. BoundsPraising God has a surprising power. Bounds said “nothing so pleases God in connection with our prayer as praise and thanksgiving.”Tomorrow, many of us will gather with family to give thanks. We may sit around the table and take turns counting our blessings from the past year. Being thankful shifts our perspective from selfish desires. When I begin to name all the many undeserved blessings that God has bestowed upon me, why should I ask for anything more? When I think of how merciful and gracious He has been, how humbled I feel! Truly, ‘it is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord.’ (Psalm 92:1)But, may I gently challenge us to give thanks for more than just the ‘food on our table and shoes on our feet’? We are spoiled and have much to be thankful for, but blessings do not erase the reality that hard times still come. An untimely death, difficult diagnosis, financial strain or wayward family members can all cast a cloud of darkness that tends to hide the blessings.Can we thank God in the valley?Can we thank God for the valley?Giving thanks while walking through the kind of darkness that Frost described requires great faith. To praise God before the blessing comes demonstrates great trust in His ability to do great things.Bounds refers to Elijah as an example of trusting God’s promises and giving thanks when the way seems dim. In 1 Kings 18, God promised that He would send rain. “Go, shew thyself unto Ahab; and I will send rain upon the earth.” (1 Kings 18:1) Elijah obeyed and showed himself to Ahab. What followed was a showdown on Mount Carmel. Elijah tells Ahab to gather the prophets of Baal and build an altar-- “And call ye on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of the LORD: and the God that answereth by fire, let him be God.”Bounds writes: Elijah had the promise that God would send the rain, but no promise that He would send the fire. But by faith and prayer he obtained the fire, as well as the rain, but the fire came first.When Elijah was pouring water on the altar, he didn’t have the promise that God would send fire, but he did have confidence in the character of God and faith in His abilities.Thanksgiving is a powerful tool to demonstrate faith. Sometimes we pray for things God has already promised, or things that are going to happen anyway. Thanksgiving in the midst of trial, however—when the way seems dark—steps out in faith beyond the promise. Thanksgiving is that calling down of fire—not merely asking for what is guaranteed, but believing that God is able to do ‘exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think.’ (Ephesians 3:20)Maybe you are walking in a valley and Thanksgiving feels a bit hollow. I won’t pretend and say that I have been excited about this holiday. I wouldn’t mind if I could just enjoy a few days vacation without all the expectations and traditions. The difficult truth is that my mom was a part of those traditions. It was her house that we went to, even though I did almost all the cooking. Nothing about the holiday feels the same without her in it.And yet, the call comes to be thankful. I know how much I’ve been blessed, and feel almost selfish or childish to not be grateful for the many blessings. But what if God is inviting me to be thankful for the things that don’t make sense? Thankful for this unwanted season of life that I now find myself in? What if He has a purpose in the things I never would have chosen?Can I challenge us, myself included, to surrender what we think would be best and praise God anyway? He is still worthy, even in the dark shadows.So this Thanksgiving, let’s try what we haven’t yet—Let’s try thanks giving. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

This past Sunday in church, we sang that beautiful, contemplative hymn, Nearer, My God, to Thee. With most familiar songs, it can be easy to sing the words almost mindlessly, but this time, I found myself meditating on the words. Do we long to be nearer to God? And does it matter how He chooses to draw us?I can testify that God is true to the promise of James 4:8—Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Bible reading and prayer have been crucial in shaping my walk with Christ, but I have been surprised to learn that it has often been the valleys—the things I never would have chosen—that have drawn me nearest to Him.“E’en Though It Be a Cross”As we sang, this line was the first to arrest my attention:E’en though it be a cross that raiseth me…A cross? No one would choose a cross as the means of drawing nearer to God, would they? The cross speaks of suffering, of pain, of burden. And yet the hymn writer says, even if it’s a cross that draws me nearer, still all my song shall be, Nearer, my God, to Thee.Being surrendered to affliction is not a natural response. We don’t seek out trials or difficulties in life. But I’ve learned there is a kind of fellowship with God that you cannot experience apart from suffering. It’s what Paul meant when he talked about the ‘fellowship of his sufferings’. And as Christ said:…If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. —Matthew 16:24The very burden we might refuse may be the very thing that raises us closer to Him. The hymn encourages me to not just survive the suffering, but sing in the midst of it. “All That Thou Sendest Me”Another line that gave me pause:All that Thou sendest me, in mercy giv’n.With this verse, I sense a shift in perspective. No longer is the writer simply enduring a trial, but there is recognition that even the hard things are sent in mercy. Everything in my life—good or bad—has come from the merciful hand of God. The world talks about fate or luck, but we don’t serve a God of chance or chaos. We serve a God of order, intention, and mercy. He’s not dealing cards or drawing straws. In Job, we read:…What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? —Job 2:10But he knoweth the way that I take…—Job 23:10For he performeth the thing that is appointed for me…—Job 23:14He knows the path. He knows the portion. And He performs all things with care.The Psalmist tells us:The LORD is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot. —Psalm 16:5What does that phrase mean, ‘maintainest my lot’? The word maintain implies care and attention. You maintain a garden by pulling the weeds, you maintain a car by changing the oil—you maintain the things that matter to you. So when the Psalmist says, “Thou maintainest my lot,” it's as though he’s saying he knows that the Lord cares for him and for the details of his life. When difficulties come and we cry, “Why was this my lot in life?”—we are often forgetting the truth: God carefully chose this for us. Like Joseph who told his brothers: But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good… —Genesis 50:20 With God’s help, we can reframe our trial not as punishment, but as an instrument of His mercy. And when we cannot understand why, we can trust Him. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.—Isaiah 55:8“Out of My Stony Griefs”The final verse in our hymnal is the line:Out of my stony griefs, Bethel I’ll raise;So by my woes to be Nearer, my God, to Thee!That phrase, ‘stony griefs,’ and a preceding verse that says ‘my rest a stone,’ comes from Genesis 28. In fact, the hymn was written in 1841 by Sarah Flower Adams at the request of her pastor, who was preparing a sermon from this passage. In it we read of Jacob, who, fleeing for his life, lays his head on a stone and dreams of a ladder reaching to heaven. When he awakes, he calls the place Bethel, meaning house of God. That stone pillow became a place of worship.Likewise, in our lives—our woes, our trials, can become altars.I don’t mean that we exalt the suffering itself, but rather we should give our suffering back to the Lord as an offering, and allow Him to be glorified. Altars are a memorial of God’s goodness. Memorials remind us of His mercy. Like Samuel’s Ebenezer stone, Jacob’s altar at Bethel marked a place where the Lord helped and proved faithful.Every time we share a testimony of God’s goodness—each time we choose to praise the Lord—each time we decide to trust Him—we raise a memorial to God’s mercy and give Him glory. That this may be a sign among you, that when your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying, What mean ye by these stones? Then ye shall answer them, That the waters of Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD; when it passed over Jordan, the waters of Jordan were cut off: and these stones shall be for a memorial unto the children of Israel for ever. —Joshua 4:6-7This week, I’d like to invite you to slow down and consider the words of this old hymn. As I look back on my life, I can testify that the hardest times were the very valleys where the Shepherd led me. The stony griefs that drove me to prayer also drew me closer to Him. If you’ve been called to bear a cross— if your portion includes a grief you never asked for—don’t let it drive you from God. Let it draw you nearer. And may all your song still be, Nearer my God, to Thee. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

I volunteer as the yearbook adviser at my daughters’ school, and I’ve taken more photos than I can count. Ball games, field trips, plays and concerts—you name it, there’s a folder for it on my hard drive. Not every shot is perfect, but I take hundreds at each event, hoping for a handful of keepers.This week, I was going through the photos from our season opener volleyball game. As I culled through hundreds of images, I set aside a few of my friend’s daughter. Most were a blur—too much noise and the wrong focal point. Still, I sent them to her anyway, half-joking that we should probably fire the photographer.A few minutes later she replied, “I love these!!! They’re great!”I chuckled. “You’re too kind,” I typed back.Then I paused.My friend didn’t care that the photos weren’t perfect—her daughter was in them. I had captured a hazy image of her bumping the ball in her very first game. They were special because that was her moment.And I wondered—could that be how God looks at me?I spend so much of my life looking at my flaws, wishing I were sharper, clearer, better composed. I replay the moments that didn’t come out right and cringe at the imperfections.For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face...— 1 Corinthians 13:12aMaybe part of why I struggle with my blurs is because I long for clarity. I want to understand the why and see the big picture. It can be easy to forget that in this life, even the best picture is only a glimpse. We’re not able to see everything in perfect focus yet. That obscurity itself is a reminder that one day, in His presence, we will finally see clearly.God sees what we don’t. He isn’t measuring the exposure or critiquing the color balance. He simply sees His child, and He delights in that.Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. —Psalm 103:13-14He knows how fragile we are. He knows how often our best efforts come out shaky. Yet He rejoices over us, not because we are flawless, but because we are His....Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. —Isaiah 43:1bMaybe you view your life the way I was studying those photos—zoomed in on every mistake, disappointed with the results. But God the Father is merciful. He sees the effort behind every frame, and says ‘that’s my girl.’If He treasures His children that way, perhaps we can extend that same grace to others when they fall short. Perhaps we can even begin to view ourselves that same lens of mercy.If a mom can love a blurry photo of her child, how much more must God love what He sees in us? Even out of focus, He sees beauty. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

It’s a dreary, gray morning here today. After a summer of drought, it’s been awhile since we’ve had many rainy days like this. The house is dim and quiet—a nice setting for peaceful reflection, or better yet, staying tucked in bed with a good book.But gray days like this can also feel heavy or lonely. If you’re reading this and your heart feels overcast, I’d like to share a simple, encouraging thought: the sun will shine again.As I watched rain stream down my window like teardrops, I thought how often a day like this has left me down and discouraged. It’s funny how much our moods can change with the weather. Sunlight is so naturally cheerful, isn’t it? And we often take it for granted until a cloudy day comes.Feelings can be fickle, especially for us women. A bad hair day, an offhand remark, or even precipitation can send our emotions off on a rollercoaster. Faith helps remind us what our feelings often forget: that the sun will shine again. God has not moved and His promises have not changed—even when our hearts are heavy.Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.—Hebrews 13:8Last year, I came across a lesser-known hymn by A.H. Ackley titled The Sun Will Shine Again. Though he is most well-known for the Resurrection hymn He Lives, Ackley wrote hundreds others. On this dreary day, listen to these comforting words:Whatever life may bring you Is tempered by His love,You are the child of His unfailing care;Then do not be discouraged,But trust this Friend above,And make your wants and wishes Known in prayerJust as another hymn says, “All that Thou sendest me, in mercy given”—Ackley echoes that truth in saying “Whatever life may bring you is tempered by His love.” These writers knew something of the wisdom and providence of God. All that He does is measured out in mercy and love. And like a friend, we can trust Him.The refrain continues:The sun will shine again, The sun will shine again,The cloud that hides it now Is God’s designing;Tho’ day be dark as night, Keep looking for the light,For just behind the cloud The sun is shining.Even the clouds are His design. Even the burden, even the delay. It is all His design.It’s been awhile since I’ve flown on an airplane, but I recall no matter how gray and stormy it is on the ground, once the plane breaks through the cloud cover and you’re 35,000 feet in the air—the sunlight is brilliant. The sun hadn’t stopped shining, it was just hidden from earthly view. I’ve often admired those sorts of people who can always “look on the bright side” and somehow find a silver lining in everything. I’m not naturally good at that, but I’m learning. Because the truth is, the sun is still shining behind those clouds, we need only to look for it. Keep looking for the light. It sounds cliché to say you can’t have a rainbow without the rain. Even though I know it’s true, oftentimes in the middle of a storm, there can be no hope of a rainbow. Sometimes it feels like the gloomy gray will never end and I confess, sometimes I just want to “waller” in my feelings. But the truth of God’s goodness and love doesn’t depend on my mood. Ackley ends the hymn with this:Then smile at all your troubles, Take heart because you knowThat God is on his throne And all is well;Let Jesus give you courage, His confidence bestow,Your ev’ry doubt and fear He will dispel.Smiling at troubles is a choice. I do not contend that it is an easy one. But prayer helps us make that decision. We can find strength for our weary hearts, and joy and gladness. Like David, we can encourage ourselves in the Lord.So on this gray morning, I hope I can remind my own heart as much as yours:It’s all in His control.He knows what He is doing and His way is perfect.God loves you.Ask the Lord to help you look beyond the clouds.And rest on this promise—the sun will shine again.Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.—Psalm 30:5 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

What does it mean to “glorify”?I was pondering this word the other day for a rather unusual reason—a pop bottle. Not just any pop bottle, and no, not a “soda” bottle or a “Coke” bottle—but a very distinct...green glass bottle.As the saying goes here in Kentucky, ‘Ginger ale dreams of becoming Ale-8.’ Where I grew up, we have this regional soft drink, and in my experience, you either love it or hate it. Unlike most ginger ales, it contains caffeine and a crisp flavor.For a long time, the green glass bottles had the slogan “For Bracing Pep” on them, and even earlier than that was the phrase “It Glorifies”. In doing a little research, I came across a 1992 LA Times article that explained “[Ale-8’s] founder sought to hype the drink’s invigorating qualities.” It wasn’t just a refreshing beverage, it made you sparkle.One day, as I sat in my Central Kentucky kitchen, enjoying a frosty Ale-8 (with a bag of Grippo’s barbecue chips, of course), I was contemplating vintage ads I had seen for the beverage and began thinking...how can a pop “glorify” anything?The dictionary meaning of glorify is to elevate, magnify, to make something appear to be splendid or worthy of praise. In today’s world, we glorify a lot of things—success, appearances, even busyness. But the Lord calls us to something higher.For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. —1 Corinthians 6:20Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me. —Psalm 50:23It’s easy to think about giving God glory when we are praising Him in song, whether at church or just humming in our car. Or perhaps when we receive an answer to prayer and exclaim “Praise the Lord!”—that certainly feels like giving Him glory.But how can we give God glory in all of the whatsoevers?Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. —1 Corinthians 10:31We glorify Him not only in worship, but also in the everyday things:When we pray over our children as we fold their laundry...When we choose to have patience with a difficult loved one...When we speak a kind word instead of complaining...We can do all to the glory of God.To glorify Him is to live, not in a way that draws attention to ourselves, but in a way that reflects Him. When we demonstrate His kindness, mercy, patience, and compassion to others, we make the Lord shine.Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in Heaven. —Matthew 5:16That old Ale-8 slogan promised a sparkling pep that would eventually fade as quickly as the fizz in the bottle. But when our lives are surrendered to the Lord, He can fill us with a joy that won’t go flat. When we radiate with His love, we can make our Savior look splendid to a lost and dying world.So I find myself asking—if a soft drink can boast ‘It glorifies,’ how much more should we, the redeemed of the Lord, glorify Him? Lord, how can my actions shine a little more sparkle on You and less on me?May it be said of us, not just as a slogan, but as a testimony:She glorifies. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Do you ever feel like what you do to serve in your church is small or insignificant? Maybe you do laundry for the church nursery, straighten hymnals, or clean fingerprints off a glass door, and it feels like nobody notices. I’d like to remind you today that every act of service is important to God.Several months ago, while reading the book of Numbers, I was struck by the careful order God gave to the Levites, the tribe set apart for the service of the Tabernacle. Each branch of that family had specific tasks assigned to care for the dwelling place of God. Buried among the long lists of names and duties is a reminder that God has an order and purpose to all that we do for Him.After the children of Israel fled Egypt, God gave Moses detailed instructions for assembling the Tabernacle. As they journeyed through the wilderness, God provided a portable dwelling place for His presence. Every part had to be assembled in a precise order—the Holy of Holies, the vail, the inner and outer court, all designed and planned by God.To care for these tasks, God appointed the tribe of Levi. Levi had three main branches to his family tree: his sons Kohath, Gershon, and Merari. (Amram, the father of Moses and Aaron, was a Kohathite.) I won’t bore you with all the details, but I would encourage you to read Numbers chapters 3 and 4 to see how the duties were assigned.The Kohathite’s service was “about the most holy things”—the Ark of the testimony, the vail, the table of shewbread, the golden altar and more. On moving day, their responsibility was to cover the furniture and put the staves in. They had to be careful in their work. God had commanded no one was to “touch any holy thing, lest they die.” They carried the sacred furniture on their shoulders. (Numbers 7:9)The family of Merari were in charge of the framework—the boards, bars, pillars and sockets. They were given four wagons and eight oxen to help bear their load. (Numbers 7:8)And then came the Gershonites—the curtain bearers. The boys who carried the cords and coverings. An important job, but perhaps a little less visible.Of course, someone had to handle the holy furniture. Someone had to assemble the walls. But someone also had to care for and fold those curtains.I can’t help but wonder how each group felt about their assignment. I like to imagine how I might feel if I were in their place. Did the Kohathites struggle with pride because their work seemed more important? Our job is special, don’t you see? If we make one wrong move and touch so much as a leg of that table —poof— God will strike us dead! And you boys and your wagons and oxen, why, we carry all that furniture on our shoulders. We’re stronger and more important than you.Did the family of Merari like to brag about how the whole Tabernacle might fall apart if it wasn’t for them? Why if we hadn’t kept up with every socket and bar there wouldn’t be a place to worship God!And what about those Gershonites—did they ever feel that their task was small and insignificant? Aw, all we ever get to do is fold and carry fabric. I’m as strong as one of those Kohath boys, I could carry the table of shewbread once in awhile. Why do I always have to be stuck on curtain duty?Yet every piece was necessary. Every job was important. Without the curtains, the boards would be exposed. Without the boards, there would be no place to hang the curtains.In church today, it’s easy to fall into a trap of measuring our value by our visibility. The ones who sing a special, teach a class, or play an instrument seem to carry the “holy things” while others are quietly folding curtains—teaching toddlers, emptying trash, moving stacks of chairs.But the same God who designed the Tabernacle and assigned duties to each family of the Levites also designed the church. And He sets us in the order wherein He is pleased. But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. —1 Corinthians 12:18We can’t all bear the holy things. We can’t all be responsible for the boards and bars. Someone has to be a Gershonite and fold the curtains.There is no room for pride and likewise, no reason for discouragement.Whatever place of service the Lord has for you, He provides strength and grace enough to perform the task, just as He provided the carts and oxen for Merari and Gershon.Even still, there may be some women reading this who feel even less than a curtain bearer. You may be in a season of life where all you can do is care for an infant, wipe little noses, or clean a home that seems to get messy again the moment you turn your back. Your service may not be in a classroom or a choir loft—it may be in your kitchen and laundry room instead. None of your work is unimportant to the Lord.With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord... —Ephesians 6:7-8In 1847, missionary Adoniram Judson was married to his third wife, Emily Chubbuck Judson, and she took charge of his five small children. They had not been married a full year when she wrote these lines in her journal—“January 5. It seems to me as though I do nothing but get up, turn round, and then go to bed again! I expected to...go to work in ‘true apostolic style.’ ...though my work is not what I expected, Thou canst bring great results from little causes. It is all of Thy ordering.January 10. This taking care of teething babies...is really very odd sort of business... But the person who would do great things well, must practice daily on little ones; and she who would have the assistance of the Almighty in important acts, must be daily and hourly accustomed to consult His will in the minor affairs of life.”Though her tasks seemed repetitive and mundane, Emily Judson recognized there was something sacred in the small tasks. Her “little causes” were no less valuable than her husband’s preaching. Without her to care for his home and children, Adoniram Judson could not have completed the task God called him to do.The same is true for us. Every small task can be done in service to Him.Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men. —Colossians 3:23We may never carry the Ark, but we can carry the cords and curtains. We can serve with a willing heart and do the small tasks that help hold the work together. Every unseen act of faithfulness is part of the same great calling. Whether in our homes or our churches, we can create a place for God to be glorified.So keep doing the small, mundane tasks.Keep sending small notes of encouragement.Keep baking cookies and rocking babies without applause.Keep bearing the curtains. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

It can be easy to have that initial burst of faith when grief or trials come. But what do we do when our faith flickers as the days of grief wear on? When our confidence in God wants to cave under the weight of disappointment? Are there moments we stop praying because the silence feels final? Do we quietly give up hope because the answer is just taking ‘too long’?Recently my Pastor preached about having hope to get through the difficult seasons when our faith wants to faint. He pointed to Job 19 as a turning point where Job, though in the midst of a trial, was able to grab hold of hope and declare “I know that my Redeemer liveth.” (Job 19:25)As he spoke, I thought how beautifully his message dovetailed with this passage I had been meditating on throughout the week.And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw him, he fell at his feet, And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live. —Mark 5:22, 23Anytime that Jesus seems “too late” in acting always catches my attention. Mark chapter 5 is full of such stories—a chapter full of storms, interruptions and delays.A desperate fatherJairus is a ruler of the synagogue, likely a man of respect and composure. But here we see him, falling at Jesus’ feet, worshipping Him and begging Him to come touch his daughter who lay “at the point of death.” The account in Matthew says that she was “even now dead.” (Matthew 9:18)Truly, the situation is desperate. Time is of the essence.On the way, the Lord is interrupted by another—the woman with an issue of blood who reaches out to touch His garment for healing. In the background of this beautiful miracle, I wonder if Jairus was growing impatient. Please, Master, hurry! We don’t have time for this delay!Then, before they can reach home, a messenger comes with devastating news—“Thy daughter is dead: why troublest thou the Master any further?” (Mark 5:35)Defeating wordsI wonder what went through Jairus’ mind when he heard those words. His daughter is dead. Jesus took too long. The desperate situation is now hopeless.“Why troublest thou the Master?” The word “trouble” means to annoy or bother...to inconvenience.When do we sometimes feel like a bother to someone?When we think our situation isn’t important...When we feel unworthy of that person’s time...When we assume they have “better things to do”...Why would anyone think that about the Lord Jesus Christ?And yet—how often do we act as though we are bothering Him?How often do we decide it’s too late? ‘This has taken too long’—‘what is the point in praying?’Do we feel like He is too busy, that our need is too small or too hopeless?Why do we act like we are bothering our Lord and Savior?Satan causes us to doubt when things feel delayed—just like the hymn says,“Many times Satan whispers, ‘There is no need to try,For there’s no end of sorrow, there’s no hope by and by.’”There’s no need to try.Why troublest thou the Master?Deliverance from fearJesus heard the messenger’s words as well. I wonder if he could sense the fear and doubts bubbling up. Could He feel the hope leaving Jairus’ heart? Immediately—before Jairus could even respond, He turned to him and said “Be not afraid, only believe.” (Mark 5:36)That’s the beautiful thing—not only did Jairus seek the Lord when the trouble began, but as soon as the fear began rising, he had remained close enough to continue listening for His voice. And in that moment, Christ spoke louder than the fear and said “Be not afraid.”He says that to us, as well, in His Word—What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee —Psalm 56:3In God have I put my trust, I will not be afraid what man can do unto me. —Psalm 56:11Again and again in Scripture, He says “fear not.”To Daniel: “O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee.” —Daniel 10:10To Jeremiah: “Thou drewest near in the day that I called upon thee: thou saidst, Fear not.” —Lamentation 3:57To Joshua and Solomon: “Be strong and of a good courage.” —Joshua 10:25, 1 Chronicles 28:20And Paul reminds us:God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. —2 Timothy 1:7Fear, worry, and anxiety can be a constant hum in the background of our minds. But that is not where God wants us to live. He calls us to believe, to trust, and have confidence in Him.Fear steals our peace, but Jesus restores it:Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. —John 14:27Faith that kept walkingWhen Jesus reached Jairus’ house and said to the crowd that the girl was only sleeping, the crowd laughed Him to scorn. They mocked the idea that anything could be done. He cast them out. And then He performed a miracle, raising Jairus’ daughter back to life.I see three kinds of faith in this story:* The strong faith of Jairus, seeking the Lord and listening for His voice even when all hope seemed lost.* The shrinking faith of the messenger who said “don’t trouble the Master” when the situation seemed impossible.* And the scoffers lack of faith, as they mocked and ridiculed the very idea of a miracle.Which faith do we have when the difficulties drag on? When the Lord ‘tarries His coming’? When the prayers have gone unanswered far longer than we expected?I want to be like Jairus—to seek the Lord when the difficulty comes, to walk with Him despite delays, and remain close enough to hear Him say, “be not afraid.” This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

As a young girl, I can vividly remember watching my dad, a state trooper, polishing his uniform buttons. To me, they looked like gold, so shiny and yellow. Only they weren’t made of gold—they were brass. That image came to mind one day as I was reading 2 Chronicles.Solomon’s Shields of GoldKing Solomon was very wealthy. The Bible tells us “the weight of gold that came to Solomon in one year” was 666 talents of gold. By modern-day estimates that is over $2 billion—in one year!In 2 Chronicles 9, as well as 1 Kings 10, we’re told that Solomon had three hundred shields made of beaten gold, stored “in the house of the forest of Lebanon.” These shields, made of three hundred shekels of gold each, would be valued today at about $240,000 each—totaling around $72 million!I don’t know if these shields were ever used in battle, or if they were just symbolic of King Solomon’s glory, representative of God’s blessing and the king’s wealth. But by Chapter 12, they’re gone.Rebellious RehoboamAfter King Solomon died, his son Rehoboam came to power. He wasn’t a good king. You may recall, he was the one who rejected the counsel of his elders and consulted with the young men instead—those friends who advised him to tell the people “my father chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.” Once Rehoboam had established his kingdom and strengthened himself, he “forsook the law of the Lord” and judgment came.Shisak, King of Egypt, “came up against Jerusalem, and took away the treasures of the house of the Lord, and the treasures of the king’s house; he took all: he carried away also the shields of gold which Solomon had made.” (2 Chronicles 12:9)Agh, poor Solomon. I would cringe to know what our ancestors might think of what happened to their priceless treasures. Maybe a great-great-grandmothers hand-made quilt being used as a moving blanket… or Grandmas crystal bowl serving as Fido’s water dish?But the lesson I see here isn’t about preserving family heirlooms. It’s about what Rehoboam did next.2 Chronicles 12:10 says “Instead of which [the gold shields] king Rehoboam made shields of brass...”Brass vs. Gold(In my Bible margin I have scribbled—symbolism, brass vs. gold. I’ve told you most of these reflections start as scribbles!)So I began to study— what is the difference between gold and brass?Brass is “molten out of the stone” according to Job 28. It is an alloy—a man made mixture, usually copper and zinc. Bronze is another example— you won’t find these on the periodic table because they’re not naturally occurring metals. Brass has to be manufactured, and is poured into molds. You could easily mass-produce several brass objects quickly, making them all alike.Gold, on the other hand, is a naturally occurring, pure metal. Even a raw gold nugget is beautiful, but through the refinement process it can be purified and even more radiant. Pure gold is soft, malleable, and can be beaten into shape. Creating gold objects takes time and care, and each unique piece would bear the fingerprints of the Maker.Brass tarnishes easily but it can be polished and shined to look like gold, just as I thought my dad’s brass buttons were. But brass will never be gold. Brass is a cheap substitute.Superficial Shine or Intrinsic Value?The glory of Solomon’s shields was that they were made of beaten gold—unique, handcrafted, radiant.Rehoboam settled for brass shields. He settled for appearances over substance.I’m reminded of a costume jewelry ring I wore as a little girl. It looked like real gold, but after a short while, my finger turned green. Despite appearances, it wasn’t gold at all—it was brass or some other cheap imitation. Rehoboam’s shields were like that—shiny enough to impress from a distance. But up close, they lacked true value.Our Shield of FaithAs Ephesians 6:16 instructs, we are to raise our shield of faith—not a cheap imitation shield.Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. —Ephesians 6:16As Satan hurls his fiery darts at us: grief, fear, lies or disappointments, he would love for us to carry a brass shield. Impressively shiny but manufactured and lacking value. Something that just looks like faith from the outside. When trials come, I don’t want a polished, impressively shiny substitute. I want a shield of gold — a valuable faith shaped out of the hammering of trials, purified by fire. I want a faith that is rich, pure, and priceless.Rehoboam replaced gold with brass. But God’s promise in Isaiah is the opposite:For brass I will bring gold, and for iron I will bring silver… —Isaiah 60:17aI’m so thankful that God can take what is weak, tarnished, or man-made and exchange it for something pure, refined and valuable. Don’t settle for a faith that will tarnish.Don’t settle for substitutes or appearances.Let God refine your faith into something lasting, rich, and pure. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

I don’t know about you, but I love a good deal. I went to a yard sale several weeks ago and saw a foldable children’s picnic table. I had seen them in the store and had considered purchasing one for my girls, but at $50, I just couldn’t justify the price.When I asked the man how much, he casually replied, “Coupla bucks?” I was dumbfounded. “Two dollars?” I asked. “Sure,” he said. SOLD! I hoped my face was not giving away the thrill I felt inside. My payment made, the table folded up and in the back seat of my car, I slipped away as though I had just stolen the crown jewel.“It is naught, it is naught, saith the buyer: but when he is gone his way, then he boasteth." (I like to call Proverbs 20:14 the ‘yard sale verse.’)We only pay for things when we believe they're worth the cost. Amusement parks will charge five dollars for a bottle of water. Five whole dollars for water—outrageous! But as you might notice, a lot of people are willing to pay for it, ridiculous as it may sound. Why? Because on a hot day, with ‘no outside food or drink permitted,’ that five dollar water suddenly seems worth the price.Other times, like my picnic table, things are priced lower than you would expect. The seller just doesn't see value in an item and marks it cheaply. I like Vera Bradley brand purses and bags and recently found a backpack at the thrift store. Most of the time, being name brand, they are priced high and a large piece like this would be tagged $25. To my pleasant surprise, this one was only eight dollars. But on closer examination, I could see why—it was dingy, dusty, and partially covered in cat hair. Still, the zippers all worked, the inside looked great and there were no major tears or flaws. So I took it home.After a half hour or so of scrubbing and rinsing, I could tell I had a diamond in the rough. The grime was coming off and after a trip through the washing machine, I needed only to wait for the dryer to finish the work and I had a lovely, new-to-me, name-brand bag.So what's the point? It isn't about bargain-hunting escapades.There's something satisfying about getting more for less. A good sale on groceries, a yard sale bargain—nobody wants to pay more than they have to. That's why coupons and loyalty rewards are so popular. You get to redeem them—exchange something small for something of value. “Would you like to redeem your points for this reward?” “Earn cash back to redeem on your next purchase!”And that word “redeem” has a rich meaning. Redemption is a beautiful picture in Scripture:For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: —Romans 3:23, 24In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace; —Ephesians 1:7Not only did God create you, He also gave His Son to redeem you. He saw so much value in you that He was willing to pay the highest price of the shed blood of Christ on Calvary. He didn’t get a discount or wait for a better deal. He willingly gave His life to redeem you to Himself.Sometimes we have difficult days when we feel a bit worthless, don’t we? Could I encourage you with this thought? Like the overpriced water at the amusement park, God thought you were worth the price. Likewise, like the picnic table or the dingy purse—others may not see your worth, but God does.God commended his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.—Romans 5:8Even in our dusty, dingy, grimy state—He was willing to redeem us, even though the price was high. He didn’t wait for us to clean ourselves up—He died for us while we were still in our sins.That is where your worth comes from—not from your performance or appearance, but from the everlasting love of the One who redeemed you.Psalm 139 says: O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me...there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether...How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! (Psalm 139:1, 4, 17)If you ever doubt your worth, remember: to the One who knows you best—the One who knows even your words before you speak them—you are precious to Him. So precious, in fact, that He thought you were worth laying down His life for.I hope this was a blessing. If you would like to read more, visit lightinthemargins.com or subscribe. I try to send an encouraging thought each Thursday morning. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Audio recording of my testimony given September 18, 2025 at Clays Mill Baptist Church’s Ladies Conference. I am very thankful to have had this opportunity. To God be the glory!If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work. —2 Timothy 2:21But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:19And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the LORD an offering in righteousness. —Malachi 3:3And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. —Romans 8:28-29God Moves in a Mysterious Way William CowperGod moves in a mysterious wayHis wonders to perform;He plants His footsteps in the seaAnd rides upon the storm.Deep in unfathomable minesOf never failing skillHe treasures up His bright designsAnd works His sov’reign will.Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;The clouds ye so much dreadAre big with mercy and shall breakIn blessings on your head.Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,But trust Him for His grace;Behind a frowning providenceHe hides a smiling face.His purposes will ripen fast,Unfolding every hour;The bud may have a bitter taste,But sweet will be the flow’r.Blind unbelief is sure to errAnd scan His work in vain;God is His own interpreter,And He will make it plain. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Have you ever heard the phrase “living rent free in your head?” It's what people say when something takes up way too much space in their thoughts without adding any value. For example, when you keep replaying an awkward conversation and obsessing—what should I have said? How else could that have gone? Maybe you text your best friend and invite them to overthink with you and analyze someone’s facial expressions or what they really meant. Wearily, that friend may ask you ‘why are you letting this live rent free in your head?’ Or, more simply, maybe your team lost a big game and three days later you’re still grumbling about that bad ref call—you’re letting it “live rent free.”I had such an experience a few days ago. I went to bed replaying a situation over and over, wondering if I could’ve changed the outcome. I’ve also wrestled with frustrating thoughts about things that I can’t change at all. I told my husband that I knew I was wrong to keep obsessing, but I just couldn’t seem to break the spiral of my mind. I was letting these thoughts “live rent free” in my mind and drag down my whole day.And that's exactly where Satan wants me.If my thoughts are consumed with frustrations, I'm not thanking God. If I am overwhelmed with worry, I'm not praising God. And if I am filled with bitterness and have an unforgiving heart, I'm not walking in the Spirit. Satan loves it when we are filled with anything that would distract us and keep our minds off of Jesus Christ. I need to evict these “rent free” thoughts, and I have a great example from Scripture on just how to accomplish this.In Nehemiah 13, after the walls of Jerusalem were rebuilt, Nehemiah had to leave for Babylon. While he was gone, Eliashib the priest became allied to Tobiah. Tobiah! A man who had conspired to fight against Jerusalem and frustrate the work of rebuilding... was now allied with the priest? Not only had Eliashib and Tobiah become friends in Nehemiah’s absence, but Eliashib had “prepared for him a great chamber” in the house of God. He allowed him to move in to the very place where they had stored up provisions for the priests. Eliashib was quite literally allowing Tobiah to live rent free in the temple.What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? —1 Corinthians 6:19When we accept Christ as our Savior, the Holy Spirit moves into our hearts. And as a saved child of God, we are called to walk in the Spirit. Unfortunately, as Paul so often mentions, we still have to live in our flesh.For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. —Galatians 5:17Our flesh is contrary to the Spirit and still responds to Satan’s whispers. Like Eliashib, our flesh can be allied with the Devil. If we aren’t vigilant, Satan will set up house in our thoughts, causing us to obsess and worry over the slightest things. In time, all the good things of God can get shoved out, the way Eliashib tossed out the priest’s provisions to make room for Tobiah. Slowly, Satan moves in a couch of discontentment here, adds a rocking chair of worry there, hauls in a table of bitterness. Carnal “furniture” that grieves the Holy Spirit according to Ephesians 4:30-31.And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: —Ephesians 4:30-31So what did Nehemiah do when he returned to Jerusalem and learned there was a squatter in the temple? He threw Tobiah out! When Nehemiah discovered what Eliashib had done, it grieved him and he “cast forth all the household stuff of Tobiah out of the chamber.” (Nehemiah 13:8) It was eviction day! Not only did he move Tobiah out to the curb, but Nehemiah cleaned up the room and brought back in “the vessels of the house of God” with the offerings and frankincense.This is similar to what Paul calls us to do in our thought life. 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to "cast[] down imaginations, and every high thing that exalted itself against the knowledge of God, and bring[] into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"These thoughts, though they feel like a simple worry, frustration or personality conflict, are not in line with the truth of God. Why should I worry and obsess over something when I can’t see the whole picture? Why should I allow my limited perspective to exalt itself against the infinite knowledge of God? There is nothing to be gained by replaying these thoughts in my head and they must be dealt with severely. I can’t politely ask them to leave, or learn to live with them. I must evict them!When I sense that Tobiah (Satan) is living rent free in my head, I need to stop, identify the thoughts, and terminate the tenancy the way Nehemiah kicked out Tobiah. I should cast down the imaginations, lies, bitterness or anger and then refill the room with thanksgiving, Scripture, prayer, and praise.The phrase “living rent free” is meant as a joke, but spiritually this is no laughing matter. We don’t have to allow Satan to set up his furniture and move in rent free. We can refuse to replay conversations, rehearse frustrations, or dwell on bitterness. Doing so will only crowd out joy and thanksgiving. The Lord purchased this temple with His precious blood—why give Tobiah any room? Let’s put away, cast down, and clear out all that would grieve the Holy Spirit.Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. —Colossians 3:16Thanks for reading. For weekly reflections like this sent straight to your inbox, subscribe here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

There are times I wish people would just cut to the chase. No pretense, platitudes or polish. Just say what you mean. That’s one thing I love about the Lord and his Word— He doesn’t mince words. His language is exact. He plainly told Adam and Eve not to eat of the fruit and was quite clear— “thou shalt surely die.” The Bible doesn’t mince words with us, either. “Be sure your sin will find you out.” (Number 32:23) “Be not deceived; God is not mocked.” (Galatians 6:7) And— “without faith it is impossible to please Him.” (Hebrews 11:6)That verse in Hebrews, “without faith it is impossible to please Him,” has always made me a little uneasy. I’ll admit I am a bit of a people pleaser. With family, friends, and especially those in leadership, I strive to be pleasing. Not everybody has this tendency and to be honest, I sort of envy them. Some seem to march to the beat of their own drum and have an unshakable confidence that they’re doing everything right— whether you approve or not.But as Christians, we should desire to please the Lord. After all, He so graciously gave us this life and an eternal home in Heaven. I think it’s the least we can do to ask: Lord, what do you want from me? How can I please you?And so we come to that verse in Hebrews. Pleasing the Lord requires faith. Faith—the evidence of things unseen. Trusting in promises. Trusting words from a supernatural Book.I wrestled with this quite a bit when my mother was sick.On one hand, I would read verses in John like, “if ye shall ask any thing in my name I will do it…” (Jn 14:14) Or in Matthew: “with God all things are possible…” (Mt 19:26) People would come up and tell me they were “praying for a miracle” for my mom. Praying for “complete healing.”Of course, I prayed for those things too… or did I?When I saw mom in pain and suffering, I just wanted mercy for her—whatever that looked like. Whether it was healing or homegoing. Was I lacking in faith because I wasn’t specifically and persistently praying for her miraculous healing?I asked my Pastor directly about this. Was I wrong to not believe that God would heal my mom? I told him I feared I lacked faith because the situation seemed so hopeless. I said I was surrendered to whatever God’s will was, but that I feared God was not pleased with me— fearing that I lacked faith that He would perform a miracle.His response was simple and straightforward: Faith is trusting God to do as He desires, not as we desire.That conversation came back to mind recently as I was reflecting on mom’s illness. I began meditating on the rest of the verse: But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is… That phrase— “believe that he is” feels a bit grammatically awkward doesn’t it? That He is … what?And as I thought on the verse, the answer came, that He is … God. The I AM. That He is all the things that He says He is.He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. His Word tells us in Proverbs 8:17: I love them that love me and those that seek me early shall find me.When mom was sick, my mind was always swirling with the unknowns. I couldn’t see the path ahead. I couldn’t predict what life was going to be like two months, two weeks, or even two days from any given moment. You may find yourself in a similar place— facing uncertainties, not being able to clearly see the next step, and needing a measure of faith larger than you’ve ever needed before.When I encounter these situations, do I acknowledge the fact that God is God? Do I acknowledge the fact that His ways are higher than mine? Do I acknowledge that His plans and purposes are far greater than I could ever imagine? And when I walk through difficulties, do I seek Him early on in those trials? Do I look for His hand? Do I seek His will? I often remark that I don’t write from the mountain top. I can’t write from a position where I feel as though I’ve attained and dole out aged wisdom. But I can see now how I have grown in the last year. “Without faith it is impossible to please him” no longer feels like a measuring stick that I’m falling short of. Now when I read that verse, I feel an invitation to trust Him more.I couldn’t see that before. I thought that faith meant demanding more effort from myself, as though the more fiercely I believed, the more likely I could see my prayer answered.But now I can see: there is faith in the waiting. Faith in the surrender. Faith in pouring out your heart to God and trusting that no matter what He does, it will be the right thing.This one was a little tender—thanks for spending a few moments with me. If it was a blessing, would you consider sharing it with a friend? Maybe someone else could use a little encouragement today too. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

This past summer our family visited Gulf Shores, Alabama, and we had access to a quiet stretch of the beach. At least, it was quiet at dawn. One morning, our family was out enjoying the crashing waves, feeling almost as if we had the entire ocean to ourselves—when another family showed up. They planted their umbrellas, propped up their beach chairs, and promptly turned on a Bluetooth speaker. Loudly. Ugh. So much for our peaceful paradise.Our world is just... noisy. Cars, cell phones, smart watches, televisions, iPads, talking toys—so many things compete for our hearing. And that can make silence too much to bear. When the power goes out, especially on a cold winter night, you realize how loud the hum of the refrigerator was. Silence can make us anxious.So what do you do…when God seems silent? When you pray and pray and never seem to get an answer— not a yes or even a no, just… silence?The disciples in the boat experienced a sort of silence from God. While the storm was raging around them, Jesus wasn’t just quiet, he was sound asleep! Silent. Still. And what was their response? Panic. “Master, carest thou not that we perish?!”The children of Israel had a similar panic in Numbers 17 when, even after God showed His power by causing Aaron's rod to bud and establish his authority, they cried: “Behold we die, we perish, we all perish.” Talk about dramatic.Silence feels like inaction. I see this in my children all the time. They will call to me from another room and I, silently, will begin walking towards them. If I don’t announce my coming, they’ll cry again, “Mommy!” I think to myself, ‘I heard you, child, I’m on my way. I just didn’t tell you.’Sometimes I wonder if God is “on His way” to answer a prayer but I am too impatient. At times I look for God to answer me in the miraculous. Like Elijah, who looked for God in the wind, the earthquake, and fire—I expect earthquake answers sometimes. Last September I somehow pinched a nerve in my neck that caused my right thumb to go numb for weeks. “Oh, Lord,” I cried— “fix this now! Make this pain and numbness go away!” I wanted quick relief, not three months of slow-moving physical therapy.When we walk through a difficult season and are met with silence from God, it’s hard for us to be still and accept the waiting. When all is quiet and nothing seems to be moving, our minds fill with doubts. Silence causes us to overthink, worry, and assume the worst. Satan pushes us to rush ahead and seek for answers. “You’re being left out! You’re falling behind!” he whispers. But God is not afraid to move in quiet ways. Christ himself didn’t hesitate to respond with silence.When Pilate demanded of Christ: "Hearest thou not how many things they witness against thee?" The Bible says that Jesus "answered him to never a word." (Matthew 27:14) Mark 15:3 describes how "[t]he chief priests accused him of many things: but he answered nothing."Still, silent waiting is hard. So what can we do?Psalm 4 says: “be still...put your trust in the LORD.” Isaiah says: “in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” (Isaiah 30:25)Still...Quiet...Trusting...Moses and Caleb tried to still the children of Israel in their moments of panic. (Exodus 14:13, Numbers 9:8 and 13:30) Naomi instructed Ruth to sit still and wait for Boaz's decision. (Ruth 3:18) Being still and quiet does not always equal passive inaction. Sitting still requires trust.Likewise, silence from God does not always equal inaction. Sometimes God needs us to calm down first and seek His still, small voice.Pray. Wait. Trust. It's not just something to slap on a t-shirt. It's a decision of surrender to God.Let me challenge you to unplug—literally. We fill our discomfort with content. We reach for our phones in the waiting room, check Facebook at stoplights, listen to our playlist on every walk. Instead, let’s practice just being quiet before the Lord. Find a verse and meditate on it throughout the week. Don't just rush through a prayer list of things you are worried about and panicking over. Stop assuming that silence is rejection. Trust that God heard your prayers, and maybe what feels like silence is an opportunity. An invitation from the Father to sit still long enough to know Him, not just hear from Him.In closing, I’d like to share a prayer with you that I recently read by Susannah Spurgeon, and hope it will encourage you:“I thank Thee for my waiting times… When Thou seemest slow to answer prayer, it is but to make me more eager for the mercy, or to teach me to ask with greater confidence, or that Thou mayest gather up Thy blessings in order to bestow them ‘exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think.’” Waiting, she wrote, can be resting. It renews strength. It gives hope a foothold. And if I may add, waiting grows our faith. Faith that doesn’t panic in the storm. Trust that is comfortable with silence.My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. — Psalm 62:5He heard you. He’s still in the boat or He may be on His way. And He does all things well. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

When I was in high school, I dreamed of becoming a Spanish teacher and eventually, a school administrator. Because of that, I was given a unique opportunity to shadow our district’s superintendent for a day. I didn’t end up working in education, but I’ve never forgotten what Dr. Richard Hughes taught me that day: name recognition matters.While we were touring one of the elementary schools, a student I had worked with during a summer camp saw me and waved. Of course I smiled and waved back, but as we walked away, Dr. Hughes asked me if I knew that little girl. I told him I did and explained the connection. Then he asked, “Do you remember her name?” “Yes…?” I curiously replied. He told me, “The next time you see someone you recognize, call them by name. People like to hear their name.”I imagine he learned this principle from Dale Carnegie’s teachings, who is well-known for saying “a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”My career path may have changed from those high school days, but that lesson about calling someone by name stuck with me like glue.These days, I enjoy standing in the foyer of our Sunday school building and greeting most of the children by name. I may only get to teach five or six of the little girls, but I want every kid who comes in to know that they are seen and that they are known.That hope to make children feel special has carried into other areas. When I began working on the yearbook for our Christian school this past year, I did my best to caption as many photos as I could. I also tried to find ways to include those who may not have been pictured in the yearbook as frequently. Of course, some were camera shy, but I did my best to say, This child was here. Not just a nameless face in a snapshot, but this is her name. This is his name. They matter.The idea behind the lesson that Dr. Hughes taught me that day is that calling someone by name makes an impression—especially on a child or those serving with you. It feels like wow, he knows who I am. She knows my name. Put aside the cautionary lessons about pride for just a moment and consider this. Doesn’t it feel good when someone acknowledges you? Especially by name? It puts a little extra spring in your step, a little more gas in the tank to keep going, keep working, when you feel like you’re seen and known.Now think of how many people you encounter, especially on a Sunday at church. Do you just see a crowd of meaningless faces? Or do you see each individual?I think one of the greatest tools of the enemy is the desire for recognition. If Satan can’t lift our hearts up in boastful pride, he’ll drag us down into discouragement. He might make us feel as though our existence is overlooked, our contribution is meaningless, and that we are unknown.Instead of wallowing in self-pity, why not try to encourage else someone simply by saying their name? Look them in the eye and let them know they aren’t invisible. You may not know but that person may be struggling with the exact same feelings as you. Remember Proverbs 18:24:A man that hath friends must show himself friendly…We would all love to be called by name, and there is no better friend than the One who knows your name.Dr. Hughes and Dale Carnegie may think this is a novel idea, but the Good Shepherd has been calling His children by name since the beginning of time.To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out. John 10:3The Lord knows your name. He calls you by name. Stop and meditate on how precious that is—He doesn’t just see a crowd of people on the Earth, He sees His children. You aren’t a faceless nobody to Him.The Creator of the Universe, the One who flung out the planets and “made the stars also” knows your name. In Isaiah 43:1 He says, “Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by name; thou art mine.” When you were saved, He wrote your name in a Book better than any school yearbook—my name is in the Book of Life, Oh bless the name of Jesus!Rejoice, because your names are written in heaven. Luke 10:20What a comforting thought that the Lord keeps records, not of random statistics, but of names! Not because He needs help remembering, but because you matter to Him.And more than your name, He knows your service. Momma, He sees your sleepless nights and the sacrifices you make for your family. I hope you feel valued and seen by those around you. But whether or not anyone ever acknowledges your dedication, He sees it. Nothing is ever wasted with Him. Three times in Matthew chapter 6, Christ said what He sees in secret, “He shall reward…openly.”As I worked on the yearbook, there were some photos that time and space just didn’t permit me to caption. It pained me not to be able to list every name. But there is plenty of room in God’s Book. He knows every name. Every face. Every moment. Nothing is ever forgotten by Him, and He wants to write your name there too, if it isn’t there already.All God asks for you to do is acknowledge His son’s name, call upon it, confess that you are a sinner, and accept His free gift of salvation. He promises:For whosoever shall call upon the name of the LORD shall be saved. Romans 10:13The name of the LORD. That strong tower I can run to. (Proverbs 18:10) The name that every knee will bow before one day. Because His name matters above all others.Hey if this encouraged you, why not share with a friend! If you’d like to read more, I publish every Thursday and it can be delivered straight to your inbox. Subscribe here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Sunday morning before the baptism, our church sang Take My Life and Let it Be. I nudged my husband. This hymn and the author of it has been an interesting point of study for me this summer.Frances Ridley Havergal wrote the hymn, but more than that, she strove to live out the meaning of each word.She suffered from poor health during her life, including typhoid fever, and died in 1879 at just forty-two years old. Before her death, she wrote a devotional book titled Kept for The Masters Use. She begins the book by explaining if we are asking the Master to “take” our lives, shouldn’t we also trust that he will “keep” them? And in letting Him take and keep our lives, all becomes kept for the Lord’s use, however He sees fit.The book, published posthumously, carefully combs through each line of the hymn and considers a life kept for Him—our hands, our voices, our silver and gold, our intellects, will, and heart—all kept for the Master’s use.The last line of the hymn we sang so breezily that morning says: Take my self and I will be Ever, only, all for Thee.Take my… self?What sobering words those are! Especially in 2025 when “self-care” and “self-love” have become big business. As women we’re told to “take time for yourself…don’t neglect yourself… do something good for your self.”I wonder what Frances would have thought about all that.This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves… —2 Timothy 3:1-2Please don’t think that I am suggesting you cover yourself in sackcloth and ashes and deny every little comfort for the cause of Christ. But I would like to challenge us, myself included— have we gotten too focused on our selves and our comforts?Romans 12:1-2 calls us to present our bodies a living sacrifice to our Lord and tells us that this is our “reasonable” service.“Sacrifice” does not call to mind comforts and self-indulgence. Sacrifice sounds like pain. Suffering. Taking up a cross.Take my self and I will be — Ever, only, all for Thee.Those closing lines of her hymn —“ever , only, all”— are small words with deep meaning to Havergal. She wrote:Dear friends the ‘all’ must be sealed with ‘only.’ Are you willing to be ‘only’ for Jesus? You have not given ‘all’ to Jesus while you are not quite ready to be ‘only’ for Him. And it is no use to talk about ‘ever’ while we have not settled the ‘only’ and the ‘all.’ You cannot be ‘for Him,’ in the full and blessed sense, while you are partly ‘for’ anything or any one else.Havergal then points to our influence as a critical reason why we must live ever, only, all for Christ.Influence is another big business these days. Social media has propelled otherwise ordinary people onto a worldwide platform, with brands and businesses lining up to collaborate with them for a share of their audience.As a mom of five daughters, I think often about the comparison trap. Even without social media accounts, I sense it occasionally in my girls. A YouTube video here, a Pinterest search there—it doesn’t take much to notice what someone else has and feel a twinge that our own lives don’t measure up. One of my creative girls once designed a Perler bead pattern and excitedly asked me to share it on Pinterest. There’s nothing wrong with sharing creativity, but that moment struck me how natural it is, even for a child, to want to be seen on a public stage.It’s easy to scroll and see shiny, curated reels. As we thumb past beautifully staged homes or enticing vacation photos with perfectly worded captions, we may quietly wonder why our own life feels so ordinary in comparison. We may even notice how some posts draw hundreds of likes while ours barely move and we can wonder if we matter as much.But God’s Word shows us that He does not value visibility as much as surrender. As Havergal says, we may feel we have very little talent, nothing special to offer Him. But as she points out, “[influence] is not what we say or do, so much as what we are, that influences others.” In what she describes as the “influence of a very average life,” Havergal points out the fact that God does not need to put you on a big stage to give Him glory. Gideon thought of himself as the “least in [his] father’s house” yet God called him a “mighty man of valor.” God didn’t call Gideon because he was famous, he called him because he was faithful. Gideon saw himself as poor. We too, may feel as though we have nothing to offer but a broken heart. The truth from God’s Word is that He will not despise that broken and contrite heart.There’s nothing wrong with sharing the good in our lives. But if God has given you a life that doesn’t draw attention, a life that feels less than exciting or even “ordinary,” don’t believe Satan’s lie that you are less valuable in His eyes. God can take an average life and use it for His glory in ways that we may never know about on this side of eternity.The world tells us to build a platform, chase a following. Christ calls us to lay our selves on the altar. To sacrifice our broken spirit and present our bodies a living sacrifice.You don’t have to be Instagram-famous to make an eternal difference.Re-read the last lines of the hymn:Take my self and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.Perhaps the most influential thing you can do today is just live in surrender to the Savior who sacrificed His own life for yours. And when others look at your “average life” they can’t help but see Him, first. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

“This is the worst day of my life!” My 10-year-old daughter exclaimed before bed one evening. “I wish I could just go back to yesterday and nothing change.”In March, at a regular check up, our pediatrician suspected that she had scoliosis. We’d been through this before with my oldest daughter and thought we knew this path. A quick x-ray, a brief chat with the specialist, and we’d be good. Just establish a six month maintenance plan to check in on things, and life would continue status quo.Unfortunately, this visit didn’t go quite as smoothly. Between her first x-ray in March and the follow up in July, her curve had worsened significantly. What we expected to be a 30-minute walk in the park turned into a 3 hour ordeal—x-rays, measurements, and being casted for a back brace.There’s about a four-week delay between the time I write my posts and publish them, so by the time you read this, we will have just begun our bracing journey.To her 10-year-old mind, the brace feels like the worst thing ever.As her mother, I see it as a help. An opportunity. A good thing.The brace will give her spine the best chance to grow straighter and healthier. Right now, she has no pain. But if the curve continues, pain and difficulties will come. The brace is a prevention. A help.Then a whisper came to my heart—This is how God sees my grief.This is how He sees all those trials I buck against. The minor injustices I suffer that make me cry out “why, Lord?”They’re like that brace.The Lord also brought these Scriptures to mind:Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you... 1 Peter 4:12Be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind... Romans 12:2...be conformed to the image of his Son... Romans 8:29I see my daughter, exasperated, saying “why do I have to wear this dumb thing? Life is good! Nothing hurts!”And in parallel I see myself, weeping— “Why did I have to lose my mom? Life was good! She was my anchor. She loved me. Nothing was wrong!”And just as I speak to my daughter with motherly wisdom— “this is to shape you. To help you grow in the best way, to prepare you for a healthier adulthood...”—the Lord speaks to me in perfect Fatherly wisdom— “this is to shape you. To help you grow spiritually in the best way. To prepare you to become like my Son.”Oh, why do I ever doubt His wisdom and His love for me?“Romans 8:28!” We cry.But sometimes, if I’m honest, I say “all things work together for good” as if I were holding up a shield, flinching from the Enemy's arrows of doubt.Now no chastening at the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous...Hebrews 12:11No chastening at the present seems good...No back bracing at the present seems good...They may dress it up with fun patterns. She may get matching doll accessories. But it’s still going to take some getting used to. It’s still going to be disruptive and inconvenient. A burden to carry. But she has to wear it.And as her mother, I don’t want her to grit her teeth and bear it. I want her trust me, trust the doctors. I want her to accept it. I want her to rest in knowing that this is good for her.Isn’t that what the Lord wants from us?Missionary Amy Carmichael has a wonderful quote— “In acceptance lieth peace.”I may not like my circumstances, but if I can come to an acceptance, there is peace. With acceptance, the verse “all things work together for good” changes from a shield, fighting off doubts, into a pillow I can rest on.That night, when my daughter declared it was the worst day of her life, I told her I understood, but that I saw things differently. I believe God is preparing her. She has such a tender servants heart, so much joy, such a good disposition. I told her I believe God can use this trial to teach her and build her character. If she learns to trust Him now, while she is young, she will be stronger to trust Him through even greater things as she grows up.Suffering is a part of the Christian life. When Christ said “take up your cross,” he meant it literally. The cross is suffering.I didn’t begin learning these lessons until much later in life, but now I see the richness of surrender. The blessings that come when I stop resisting His will and begin accepting and receiving all the things He gives me.So in this new season of meeting scoliosis head-on, God is teaching both of us to trust Him more. And my prayer is that one day, she’ll look back and say “I'm so thankful I wore that brace.” And likewise, I hope one day I’ll look back and say “it is good for me that I have been afflicted.” Psalm 119:71Thanks for reading. If you would like to be updated each week, subscribe here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

When I was 13, I had an unusual fainting episode and woke up with a gash under my right eye, just above my cheek, that required 10 stitches. That was also the summer I got braces—an awkward beginning to my teenage years. We did everything we could to lessen the scar—my mom was so diligent to carefully apply vitamin E oil to my skin every night. But even now, decades later, the scar remains. Most people never notice it. But I do. Especially when I smile—my face crinkles asymmetrically just above my right cheek.Isn’t that odd? A mark left by a deep wound is most visible in my moments of joy.I think there’s something to that—how joy and pain can live side by side. How one can provoke the other. In the beauty of a lovely, ordinary day, grief can brush up against happiness and quietly reveal itself.I recently read the phrase “grief doesn’t have a finish line” and I’ve been ruminating on that. When I lost my mom, I knew the first year would be the hardest. But I think, quietly, I had hoped the sadness would ease off quickly.Truthfully, it hasn’t.This summer has only amplified my grief: remembering dates and appointments and moments that would become our “lasts.”In the middle of an ordinary, carefree summer day, I can catch the smell of Tyler Diva laundry detergent on the breeze and suddenly joy walks side by side with tears. That scent—distinctive and immediate—can turn my head faster than my husband’s cologne. It’s the detergent my mom switched to when she came home from her first hospital stay, less than 60 days before she passed. This road is somewhat familiar to me. When I lost Rebekah and Rachel, tiny things would take my breath away, unbidden. I remember walking down the grocery store aisles and all I could see were ‘Twin’kies and ‘twin’ packs. Just the word ‘twin’ felt like a punch in the gut. Even carrying another baby, holding a healthy child—it didn’t erase the ache of grief. Grief is never “over”—you just learn to live with it, like a scar.Just like I learned to live with a scar that crinkles up in joy.It gives me great comfort to think of the scars my Savior has, that I will see one day. Wounds He could have erased, but chose to keep.In 1859, C.H. Spurgeon preached a sermon titled “The Wounds of Jesus”. It’s worth reading in its entirety if you can find the time. In it, he says: “I wish to draw your attention to the simple fact, that our Lord Jesus Christ, when He rose again from the dead had in His body the marks of His passion. If He had pleased He could readily have removed them. [T]hese scars, these are the memorials of the fight, and these the trophies, too.”Christ did not remove His wounds, He took them to Heaven with Him. Like Spurgeon says, they were trophies—proof that He was not defeated by death, but that He conquered death. “Even the captain of our salvation must be made perfect through suffering; therefore, we who are guilty, we who are far from being perfect, must not wonder that we have to be wounded too,” Spurgeon continues. “[T]he wounds of Christ are to teach us that suffering is necessary.”He could have erased every trace of His suffering, but He kept the marks. Marks that reveal the depth of His love for us, and the cost of a crucified life.Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. — 1 Peter 4:12 & 13Perhaps we should not hide our scars, or wish them away. The scars of grief are not weakness. They are proof of love. Scars are not failures. They are proof that you survived. Time may fade the scar of grief. The edges may soften and the wound become less tender. But no—you will never be completely finished with grief. And that’s okay.Because He isn’t finished with you, either. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

As I’ve been meditating on this word grace, a thought came to me: why can I extend grace to others—but not to myself?If I have grace flowing through me, I can overlook rude or insensitive actions of others. I can forgive. I can give the benefit of the doubt. But what about those times that I ought to show that same grace to myself?On the outside, I might come across as polished, confident, perhaps even put together. But inside? The real me is second guessing our conversation, doubting my abilities, worrying about how I’m perceived. My mind is full of negative self-talk.My momma always said “I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” I’ve been wired this way for a while. I simply do not give myself much grace. I don’t give myself the benefit of the doubt. I expect too much. I demand perfection. Not because I am perfect, but almost as a defense mechanism. If I can do something close to perfect, then no one can criticize me.But honey, it’s 2025 and this is the world wild web. If someone wants to criticize you, they will. It won’t take much. So am I going to let that fear of failure stop me from sharing my heart? Especially if it could help another woman who might be struggling in the same, silent way?If you want to know how deep this fear runs—I once switched my entire major in college because I was afraid of making less than an A in Quantitative Economics.So yes, I will let fear stop me. At least I have in the past. What does this have to do with the grace of God?Let’s look at 2 Thessalonians 2:16:Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and have given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, The phrase that gives me pause is that “good hope through grace.”Sometimes, by not extending grace to myself, I think I’ve quietly given up hoping for good things from God. I don’t know if you can relate. But somewhere along the way, I began to think that God gives good things…but with strings attached.When I lost Rebekah and Rachel, I struggled for years with the question of why—why would He answer my prayer for twins only to take them back? (Yes! I prayed specifically to be given twins!) And I battled the fear that somehow I didn’t deserve God’s grace.Frances Ridley Havergal, best known for the hymn “Take My Life and Let It Be” wrote about that sort of fear. She described the terrible thought that God might receive our prayers the way an adult might receive a token gift or scribble from a child, just to humor them, only to toss it away when they weren’t looking.“Should we not trust Him to do this thing that we have asked and longed for?” She asked, “Does He mock our longing by acting as I have seen an older person act to a child, by accepting some trifling gift of no intrinsic value, just to please the little one, and then throwing it away as soon as the child’s attention is diverted?”When I read that recently it landed like a stone on my heart, taking me back to the loss and pain that I struggled with over a decade ago. I truly felt as though God had answered my prayer for twins and then purposely yanked them from me to “teach me a lesson.” I could not rest nor find grace that God had a higher purpose—I only blamed myself.I can see now how I was wrapped up in a spiral of shame and failure. It took years for me to accept that God wasn’t punishing me—He was shaping me. In love, He was teaching me obedience and conforming me to the image of His Son. I wish I could write about this as though I have conquered the battle, but I can’t. I still struggle to extend grace to myself. Still feel like an impostor. Still doubt my abilities and fear failing. I chide myself that I need to mature past this, but recently, an older friend shared her own similar struggle and I have come to believe that perhaps I’m not alone. Perhaps needing to give myself grace is not something that I will outgrow, but rather I should grow into that grace, just as the verse says:But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. —2 Peter 3:18aI’m still figuring this one out, but can I gently say, to all of us ladies, and as a reminder to myself—give yourself grace. Forgive yourself for the times you’ve messed up. Forgive yourself for the things that weren’t your fault. You’re doing the best you can. Satan wants to discourage you, to take you out of the fight. Don’t give in to those lies. Knock off the negative self-talk. Would you speak to your best friend in that way? Or would you show her grace?Grace is what you need—to give to others, but also to give to yourself.Grace is what you need.Not because you’ve earned it. But because He gives it. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Since my mother passed, not a week has gone by that I haven't wished things could just “go back to normal.” In fact, I have come to appreciate “normal” days more than ever before, though what's normal now is far different than it was a year or two ago. I long to pick up the phone and call her throughout my day. I miss letting my girls FaceTime her whenever they want. Talking to her had a way of making everything right again, for all of us.Sometimes “normal” just vanishes without warning.My mother didn’t ask to get sick. She didn’t plan to leave my girls without a grandmother at such a young age. But there we were.And I was left standing in the gap between what was and what is, with the aching question—what do I do now?The most natural response is anger and bitterness. How could God do this to me? Why would He hurt me so? I don’t deserve this. But anger and bitterness are like weeds. If I don't pluck them out by the roots, they'll quickly grow into vines that will wrap my heart in bondage.Maybe it’s not the death of a loved one that you face. Maybe it’s the death of a dream. A difficulty you never anticipated. Something that just turned normal upside down— and here you stand, holding a broken heart, full of hurt and anger and questions—unsure what to do next.We don’t have to pretend it doesn’t hurt, but we do need to decide what to do with these emotions that threaten to eat us alive. We need to seek the grace of God.And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. —2 Corinthians 12:9But what is grace, really?I’ve been trying to study this concept of grace a little more intentionally this summer, because I’ve needed it more. I trust when I read God’s “grace is sufficient,” but I don’t want to settle for a vague sense of the word; I have sought for a deeper understanding.And I’ve learned that God’s amazing grace isn’t just a cute wall hanging from Hobby Lobby.Grace is a gift. (Romans 5:15) It teaches us. (Titus 2:11-12) It gives strength. (2 Timothy 2:1) It gives everlasting consolation and hope. (2 Thessalonians 2:16).Grace isn’t a mood or an aesthetic. It’s a gift to the humble. It's something that we can grow in (2 Peter 3:18), and something that we can boldly ask for more of. (James 4:6)When your normal is lost, others pay attention. They say things like “I couldn’t do it,” or “I could never be so strong.” And you know what?—they’re right. Just as our trials are different, so is the measure of grace we are given. But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ.— Ephesians 4:7And when the difficulty comes, yes, you do panic somewhat. You do feel threatened by an overwhelming flood, dwelling on an uncertain future. But may I assure you that His grace will be there? The truth I have learned is that God gives the grace in the time of need. He gives the way to escape with the temptation so that you can bear it. Grace isn’t something that you can stockpile. You don’t make withdrawals from a savings account of grace that you have stored up—it’s something that’s given in real time. It is sufficient— not “will be” or “used to be” but it is sufficient — right in the moment.Some days all you can do is say Lord, I can’t do this— give me grace! And He promised to give it. In fact he tells us to come boldly unto the throne to find grace. (Hebrews 4:16) Do we come boldly? Do we pray in confidence, knowing the God who cannot lie? Do we claim that promise that His grace is sufficient?Sufficient— think on that word for a moment. Webster’s defines it as “enough to meet the needs of a situation.” Christ says “my grace is sufficient.” He knows the need. Remember “my God shall supply all your need”? You won’t be turned away for non-sufficient funds— He can and shall supply as much grace as you need. As the hymn says, “He giveth and giveth and giveth again!”Trials will come. We will face difficulties. We will be wronged, or suffer hurts. Our hearts will be broken by things out of our control. Things we can’t undo.When others observe me going through a trial, do I want them to see how strong I am? Or how strong my God is? Do I want them to see my nerves of steel? Or the power of God through me?We can know the sufficiency of grace, helping us, meeting our need in real-time. We can see Christ’s strength made perfect in our weakness. And like Paul, we can say: Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices. —2 Corinthians 2:11There can be no doubt that we have an Enemy who seeks to discourage and destroy us. The Bible tells us not to be ignorant of his devices, and, speaking from experience, I think one of his most cunning devices is the small, unintended thing. Those subtle jabs that were never intended, but can still cut deep.This unintentional harm shows up in common law as a concept known as the “eggshell plaintiff” rule. It originated with the idea that if a victim had a skull as thin as an eggshell, and the defendant caused that fragile skull to break, the victim would still be entitled to full damages. In other words, you’re responsible for the harm your actions cause—even if the injury seems disproportionate.I think about that concept sometimes when I fear I am walking around, not with an eggshell skull, but an eggshell heart. There are days I feel just a little weaker than others and wish I could put a warning label on my forehead that said “fragile—handle with care.”Simple, innocent actions can hurt deeply sometimes, can’t they?A comment made in passing. Not being included on the invite, the group chat, the inside joke. A silence that’s just too loud to ignore.Not one of those things is inherently cruel by itself. In fact, some things are honest mistakes. You and I make them all the time. We stick our foot in our mouth. We get so busy that we forget to respond. We forget to include people, not because we don’t want them—we just...forgot.But sometimes those things land on an eggshell heart. To a woman already weary or quietly wondering if anybody sees or cares, innocent comments can become darts in the hand of the Enemy.Suddenly that unanswered text becomes “she doesn’t like you.”Not being included on the group chat whispers “they’re talking about you.”That comment made in passing morphs into “they didn’t care to hurt you because you’re invisible to them.”When Scripture tells me not to be ignorant of Satan’s devices, the preceding verse tells me to forgive others. To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; —2 Corinthians 2:10We don’t have to be unbreakable, but we do need to be anchored in truth. When I assume the worst from other’s actions, I’m operating from a position that I am unloved, unwanted, or unworthy. That isn’t the truth of who God tells you you are. The Bible says you are loved with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3) You are accepted in the beloved. (Ephesians 1:6)How much freer and happier would we feel if we could stay rooted and grounded in Christ’s love for us! If we could walk in that light and forgive others freely—even offenses that were never intended, and may never even be realized.I want to be careful with others. No doubt all of us, at times, have walked around with eggshell hearts. I want to treat others with compassion, “be pitiful, be courteous,” as 1 Peter 3:8 instructs.But I also don’t want Satan to get an advantage because of my own fragile heart. We don’t have to read between the lines of every conversation. We don’t have to take offense where none was intended.When you feel weak and ready to crack, rely on God’s strength to help you see the good in others and to forgive them. With God’s help we can “cast down imaginations” and ignore the evil assumptions that the Devil would like us to make. After all, God knows what was in their heart. He knows the truth. And that’s good enough for me to rest on. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

As I was reading Psalm 77 this morning, a word leapt off the page. (This happens a lot—I'm convinced my Bible is full of words waiting on little springs to jump up and grab my attention and arrest my meditation.)“I complained,” says the Psalmist. I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah.—Psalm 77:3But wait, I thought, didn't the children of Israel mess up with their complaining? Aren't we told in Scripture to do all things without murmurings and disputings?Murmuring... “the people murmured against Moses...” (Exodus 15:24)I'm not about to make an airtight argument in defense of complaining—indeed, the first use of the word comes in Numbers 11:1: “when the people complained, it displeased the LORD:” But the fact that the Psalmist complained remains, and I want to explore this thought.Asaph, the writer of Psalm 77, says that his spirit was overwhelmed. David, too, in Psalm 142, pours out his complaint and says his spirit was overwhelmed. Psalm 102 is entirely a “prayer of the afflicted, when he is overwhelmed and poureth out his complaint before the Lord.”Overwhelmed. How well we can relate to that word.Life can be overwhelming at times. Troubles and difficulties come. We feel cast off from God, forgotten, unable to find His mercy. Oftentimes in those moments I feel I should not complain; that it would be sinful for me to complain.But what if the problem isn't in the complaint but in the posture of my heart?The children of Israel complained from a position of discontentment. They wanted what they could not find: food and water. As you read their murmurings in Exodus, you can sense the rebellious doubting of Moses and of God to meet their most basic needs.These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; —Jude 1:16The Psalmists who complained did so with a different tenor. Their complaints are followed by verses remembering the wondrous works of God, praising Him, and seeking His refuge.Almost twenty years ago now, I graduated law school. I left that calling when I became a mother. While I haven't seen the inside of a courtroom in over 12 years, I still enjoying seeing some analogies from the legal realm.In court, the initial Petition is often called a "Complaint"— a lawyer lays out the wrongs and grievances in a thoughtful manner. There should be no frivolity in taking up the court's time with a gripe about a minor injustice. At the end of the Complaint usually comes the Prayer for Relief, or what the Petitioner desires for the outcome. The other side makes a Response, and sometimes a case never makes it to trial because one side is so clearly in the right. When a judge can rule in favor of a party without hearing any more evidence, that's called summary judgment. (I'll come back to this in a minute.)When I read the murmurings of the children of Israel, I just see frivolous whining, even slander. "What shall we drink?" "Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt!" And the men who were sent to spy out the land "made all the congregation to murmur against him, by bringing up a slander upon the land." (Numbers 14:36)I don't see any murmurings marked with remembrance of God's goodness. In fact, the Psalms are quite clear that they forgot His good works. Other words accompany murmuring, like provoked, grieved, tempted, believed not.When I am tempted to complain, I need to be careful that it does not slide into murmuring. There is a fine line between the two.But God did not reject the Psalmists who complained. He didn't rebuke Hannah who poured out her soul in an abundance of complaint and grief. (1 Samuel 1:16) He didn't forsake Job in his complaints. Why? Examine the heart posture. The Psalmists praised God for His goodness. Hannah was humble in her prayer for a son. Even though Job mourned and complained, he declared “though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.” (Job 13:15)It's okay to be overwhelmed. It's okay to not see the path. But when we lay out our complaint before the Court of Heaven, let us follow it with praise and thanksgiving for what God has done. Let's not be so focused on our own desires, our own pain, seeing only what we don't have. Pray for relief, but be surrendered to the response. He doeth all things well. All things work together for good.God will give an answer and win summary judgment every time. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

We recently upgraded our minivan to a 2019 model, and it has this fancy modern feature called “adaptive cruise control.” If you’ve never experienced this, it’s sort of wild. You set the speed you want to cruise at, let’s say 75 mph, but as you drive, the car uses radar to detect vehicles ahead of you. It calculates their speed and distance and adjusts your speed accordingly. It will never go faster than the cruise you set, but if a car moves in front of you, you’ll find yourself slowing to 72…70…68 mph. Once that car gets out of the way, yours will ramp back up to 75, all while you do nothing but guide the steering wheel and eat your brisket sandwich from Buc-cee’s.We took this new Millennium Wagon on vacation this Spring, and somewhere south of Birmingham, I had this revolutionary cruise set and was lost in my audiobook when it suddenly felt like the van was braking—firmly. Before my brain had time to process—before I noticed that traffic had slowed to a crawl—the vehicle recognized what was ahead of me and recalibrated instantly, bringing my speed down to prevent a collision.Doesn’t God work in a similar way sometimes?When you’re young, it’s easy to think you can have it all figured out. I’m going to graduate, go to this college, have this career, work there, live here, etc. We want to set that cruise control and just let it drive. Full speed ahead.But along comes set backs. Delays. Disappointments. Illness. Grief. That 75mph you set is feeling more like 50mph. People are passing. You look at the dashboard and think, what is going on here?When the van slowed me down, it wasn’t malfunctioning or trying to prevent me from getting to my destination. It was helping me prevent a collision. It was keeping me safe. Sometimes the Lord throws things in our path that slow us down or change our course, not because we’ve done anything wrong, but because He’s protecting us. Dwelling in Eternity, He can see what’s coming long before we do.At times, He blesses us. But God in His infinite, marvelous wisdom, knows how much success will tend to develop pride in our hearts. He knows when we’re going to get too confident in our own abilities. That delicate push-pull can be frustrating. We get just enough clarity, just enough encouragement to move forward. We accelerate, set the cruise and then…life slows down. Things stall. Circumstances cool.What if it’s not rejection? What if it’s a sort of Holy Spirit calibration?Elijah’s life was full of ups and down. We first meet him boldly declaring to King Ahab that a drought is coming; then suddenly, God pulls him back by the brook Cherith. The brook dries up and Elijah is led to the widow of Zarephath for miraculous provision. Then the widow’s son suddenly dies. In fact, one of Elijah’s greatest difficulties came after his greatest success. One moment he called down fire on Mt. Carmel, cruising right along at 75mph, but in the very next chapter he’s at a standstill—running from Jezebel, depressed and begging God to take his life. Elijah’s story isn’t one of constant success, accelerating in linear fashion. There was an ebb and flow, a back-and-forth. Success then setback. Another way to look at it is if you’re making candy. If you’ve ever boiled sugar and water you know it takes a certain finesse to get it just right. You can’t just set it on the stove and walk away. The heat and stirring have to be managed carefully. Stir too little and it scorches. Sometimes you have to lower the heat, and sometimes you have to take it off the burner entirely before it boils over. It’s a delicate push-pull. Constant calibration.Sometimes God lets us build steam, like that pot on the stove heating up. But in His marvelous, infinite wisdom, He knows when we’re relying too much on ourselves and our own abilities. He slows us down, cools things off—not to discourage us, but to keep us steady. He knows how to protect us from dangers that lie ahead. He acts before our mind can even comprehend what is happening. So if things feel slow or more difficult than you expected—If doors aren’t opening as fast as you thought they would, or progress isn’t visible—Don’t assume that you’ve failed. Don’t wonder if there’s something wrong with the engine.If you’re trusting God, He promises to work all things together for good.Even the slowdowns and the brakes you didn’t see coming. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

This is the final part in the series, Too Much, Not Enough, but Still Valuable. Go back and read Part 1 or Part 2 if you missed them!So far, I’ve explored how Peter’s boldness made him seem like “too much” and how Moses doubted his call, claiming he was “not enough”. At the end of Part 2, I mentioned that God did not chide Moses for his doubts and say “you’re right—I picked the wrong guy.” Instead, God responds with a question— “what is that in thine hand?” (Exodus 4:2)I wonder if Moses looked down at his shepherd’s rod and was confused. His wooden staff was great for herding sheep, but surely God couldn't use that to lead a nation out of the hands of evil. That’s a tall order for a piece of wood. Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God. —Psalm 20:7His ways are not our ways. With one swoop of Moses’ rod, God was able to drown Pharaoh’s chariots and horses. God can use whatever you have, however insignificant it may seem. He chooses the simple things to confound the wise. (1 Cor. 1:27-28) God delights in using simple things because it brings Him glory. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. —2 Corinthians 4:7After God directs Moses’ attention to his humble rod, He commands him to “cast it on the ground.” It wasn’t until Moses surrendered the rod in obedience that God performed the miracle, transforming it into a serpent. Likewise, we must be willing to give God whatever is in our hands and cast it at His feet. We must humbly lay down our gifts, our pride, and our ambitions, recognizing that we have no power in ourselves to make them anything great. I also noticed what God did not ask of Moses. He didn’t say “what can you put in your hand,” He asks Moses “what is that (already) in thine hand?” Not “what can you get?” but “what have you got?” How often do we think we can serve better in the future, when we have more time? “Perhaps, in another season of my life, I can serve.” Or, rather than looking at our station in life, we look at what we don’t have yet. “I don’t have enough money to give to missions” —but anyone can pray. In fact, E.M. Bounds wrote that “Money is important, but money without prayer is powerless…” God doesn’t ask for imaginary future resources, He wants your present surrender. Moses may have overlooked his rod because it felt so ordinary. What do you find in your hands today, sister? What have you dismissed as “not enough”? What abilities have you overlooked because you think it’s “too much”? Ordinary objects may seem trivial, but when surrendered to God’s use, He can perform miracles. That casserole, that prayer, that text message of encouragement could be the very thing God needs from you today. Take whatever you have and cast it down in surrender. Don’t overlook your abilities, no matter how small and simple they seem. Don’t disqualify yourself as too much or not enough. Nothing is ever wasted in God’s economy. He will use you, if you are willing. Bounds, E.M. The Essentials of Prayer. Baker Book House, 1979, p. 132 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

This is Part 2 in the series Too Much, Not Enough, but Still Valuable.Click here to read Part 1.In my first post, I discussed the life of Peter and how I love his boldness: not cowering in fear but asking to walk on water; not merely looking in to the empty tomb, but rushing right inside. At times I feel like Peter, bold yet bumbling, passionate but prone to overstep, charging ahead when others would stand still.And then, there are times that I relate more to Moses.The beginning of Exodus moves quickly. Within 15 verses, Moses goes from being a baby in the bulrushes to a fleeing fugitive. He, like Peter, fumbled his call. Though not explicitly stated, we assume Moses knew early of God’s call upon him to deliver the children of Israel. Stephen recites how Moses “supposed his brethren would have understood how that God by his hand would deliver them: but they understood not.” (Acts 7:25)Moses failed because he was running ahead of God, trying to deliver his brethren by killing an Egyptian—aiming for the right purpose but in the wrong way.That failure led Moses to self-exile on the back side of the Midian desert. He ran away.How many times have I messed up and wanted to run away? Burnt dinner, let down a friend, or worse, lost my temper with a child. Sometimes those feelings of failure run deeper than guilt— they can become outright discouragement.Moses’ failure did not disqualify him. God still sought him to deliver His people, calling to him out of the burning bush. And Moses answers the call— “here am I” but his confidence quickly evaporates and is replaced with the question— “who am I?”Truly, this is the position we should all have. When we stand before a holy God, we see how small and insignificant we really are. Moses certainly has the right posture of meekness. In fact, Scripture tells us that Moses was “(…very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.)” (Numbers 12:3)But there is a razor-thin line where his humility and meekness turns into self-doubt.Even after God lays out his complete plan, Moses responds, full of uncertainty.He doesn’t just say “what if they don’t believe me” — he insists “they will not believe me.” (Exodus 4:1) In other words, ‘they're not gonna listen to me. They're gonna say, who do you think you are?’On top of his doubts, Moses makes excuses. “I am not eloquent…slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.” (4:10)Moses is deeply resigned in these feelings of inadequacy.How many times have I also banished myself to my own desert of doubts?Several years ago, I was in the deep trenches of early motherhood. My oldest had just turned 3 and my baby was one year old. At the top of a small piece of paper I wrote: WHAT IS UPSETTING ME, 12/15/15. These were my raw reflections—"Feeling like a bad mom.I don't feel adequate enough to have more kids…I just never feel like I do anything right.What is wrong with me???Am I called to be a mom or not?I'm so useless."Sometimes it's hard to be pulled away from our own self-loathing.I, like Moses, was looking only at myself and my abilities.I’m not enough. I'm so useless. What is wrong with me? You’ve got the wrong woman. Send someone else.But sister, God put you right where you are. He knows you, inside and out, knows your frame, knows your faults. And He still calls you.God didn't leave Moses. He never once said, “you're right, Moses—I made a mistake. I picked the wrong guy.” He says, “certainly I will be with thee.” (Exodus 3:12)When Moses makes excuses, God responds with a question— “what is that in thine hand?” (4:2) That question will be the focus of Part 3 in a few days.But for now, if you are feeling lost in a wilderness of failure, convinced that you are inadequate for where God has placed you—can I tell you, you aren’t the first woman to feel that way. You aren’t alone.Take your eyes off of yourself and your self-perceived limitations. Look to Jesus, the One who will never leave you or forsake you. Whose strength is made perfect in weakness.Even when we feel like we’re not enough…Even when we think someone else could do it better…He will be with us. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

I read my Old and New Testaments concurrently throughout the year and sometimes the pairings fall in interesting ways. Recently, I was in both Exodus 3 and John 20. As I reflected on the lives of Moses and Simon Peter, I found some interesting similarities in both their personalities and failures.Over the next few posts, I’d like to share my reflections and what I learned—especially when I feel like I’m “too much” or maybe not enough.I’ll begin with Peter. He is easily one of my favorite Bible characters because he is so relatable. I see in Peter some of my own personality that I’ve tried to tame because I worry that I am “too much.”Peter is bold. He speaks up. When Jesus comes to them walking on the water in Matthew 14, the other disciples are afraid but Peter says, “bid me come.” Yes, we can discuss how he began to sink with fear, but he wasn't afraid to ask. He speaks in definitive, impulsive statements. He doesn't hedge. “Yet will I never be offended.” (Matt. 26:33) “Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee.” (Speaking of Christ's crucifixion, Matt. 16:22) “Depart from me; for a I am a sinful man...” (Luke 5:8) “I will lay down my life for thy sake.” (John 13:37)He thinks of bold gestures. “Let us make three tabernacles...” (Luke 9:33) He tells Christ to not just wash his feet “but also my hands and my head.” (John 13:9) And, as previously mentioned, he has the crazy notion of asking Jesus to let him, too, walk on the water.I wonder if the other disciples thought, to use modern vernacular, “Peter's... a bit much.”So as I read John 20, I see Peter running into the empty tomb. His boldness leaps off the page at me, because John acts more “proper,” right? He stooped down, looked in, “yet went he not in.” (John 20:5)I've seen the memes about John outrunning Peter, but this whole story isn't in the Bible so that some kid in 2025 can make a meme about it.John gets there first, but he is...reserved. Respectful? Proper? Timid?When Peter finally arrives, he goes in.I love this picture. John looks in. Peter runs up behind him and just bursts on into the empty tomb.Good ol' Peter... he's always a bit much.But look what happens next—Peter enters the tomb in verse 7 and in the next verse, John “went in also...and he saw, and believed.”I wonder if there was something about Peter’s character, his impulsive, I-gotta-see-this response that spurred John to go in as well.I don’t think I’m alone in relating to Peter.We as women are emotional creatures. We can be impulsive, forget to “mind our manners,” struggle to bite our tongues...And when we see other women who are just so good at being meek and quiet and gracious, we can feel like a flop.“Me and my big mouth... I bet Mrs. So-and-so wouldn't have acted like that.”“Why do I have these big, wild ideas... I'm sure everyone thinks I am just too much.”“Why do I care so deeply? It just leads to heartbreak.”Just before his tomb-rushing, Peter had experienced one of the greatest failures of his life—complete denial of his Lord Jesus Christ. No doubt, that look from the Savior as described in Luke 22 is still burned on Peter's mind.Despite this failure, he doesn't suddenly give up. He doesn’t start drowning in an identity crisis. Three days later, he doesn’t run upon the tomb and think, “oh, wait, John is that ‘beloved’ disciple, and he's not going in... maybe I better hold back.”Peter is still Peter.And Christ doesn't reject him.In John 21, there is a beautiful restoration—three times, the Lord tells Peter to "feed [his] sheep."—one for every denial, is what I have been taught.Peter is not immune from the comparison trap, however, and in the midst of this beautiful reconciliation, he asks Jesus about John— “Lord, and what shall this man do?" (John 21:21) Twice, Jesus responds by saying “what is that to thee?”Bro. Mike Wells preached an awesome sermon on that passage during the NCGC in 2024 and the note I made in my margin is: “Don't be focused or worried about what others are doing—God needs you just the way He made you.”It can't be said any better.I have to pause here and say that I am beyond thankful for ladies who are more quiet, more gracious, more... the opposite of “too much,” whatever that is. I can learn from them, and should learn so I that I can bear more of that beautiful fruit of the spirit that is meekness.But what can I learn from Peter?He failed but didn’t quit. Didn’t try to become a carbon copy of John, standing at the tomb, just looking in... Peter, through his boldness, somehow encouraged John to come in to the tomb, and experience something deeper and richer, something that spurred John to believe. And then, Jesus essentially tells him, “who cares what I call John to do—you do what I called you to do.”Peter never quit being Peter.I don’t want to bury who I am, either. I just want to yield my spirit, my messy, impulsive too much-ness, and be surrendered to whatever God can do with me as me. But what about those times when I have failed and the boldness is replaced with searing doubts? When I don’t feel like rushing in anyway, but instead question everything I once felt called to?That hesitation is where Moses comes in. I hope you’ll come back and read Part 2 in a few days. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

When I lost my first set of twins, Rebekah and Rachel, in 2011, a dear friend sent me a sympathy card. In closing she wrote, "Though my words be clumsy tools, I remain your devoted friend."Those words were anything but clumsy. They were a beautiful sentiment that has stuck with me all these years.Sometimes words can just feel clumsy, though, can't they?Especially when someone is hurting or going through a trial. We want to say something but we're never quite sure what.How often have I thought:"She is probably tired of hearing from people, I'll just stay quiet.""I haven't actually prayed every single day... maybe I shouldn’t tell her I'm praying for her?"We get so tangled up in our minds about what we should say, or if we should even speak at all, so afraid of sounding like a “hot mess”— that I think often we just stay silent.The Bible tells us, "Open rebuke is better than secret love." —Proverbs 27:5Could that possibly mean: better to say something clumsy than nothing at all?I had one such clumsy conversation last year on Mother's Day. The Lord had laid a sweet lady on my heart who has battled infertility, and so I approached her and began with, "I hope this comes out the right way" (spoiler alert: I'm not sure that it did).I told her, in less-than-elegant words, that she was on my heart because I knew, from my own losses, how painful Mother's Day can be when you have empty arms.Judging from the look on her face, I hadn't offended her, but it didn't seem like my message landed quite the way I had hoped.I walked away cringing inside and thinking, what even was that?! You didn't help at all!To this day, I still have no idea if I brought comfort or confusion. The Lord never showed me. But that conversation, like my friend's card, has stuck with me. Maybe to remind me that clumsy words are still better than no words at all.We don't need eloquent words. We just need expressed words.You're on my mind.I'm praying for you.You're not forgotten.I really believe the Devil likes to pit women against each other, in our minds, with our fears, comparisons, and hesitations. We should fight back by encouraging each other more, not less.So even if you feel like you're stumbling all over yourself—Even if you walk away thinking, "What in the world did I just say..."Even if you never fully know the impact your kindness makes—Speak life and love anyway.If this encouraged you, would you consider subscribing? I try to share something each Thursday. Just enter your email here: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

My husband was recently promoted at his job, a promotion which I’m incredibly proud of him for achieving, but as I reflected on his success, I was struck by a sobering thought: there are no promotions in motherhood. No annual evaluations. No bonuses. No ladder to climb. And sometimes, that makes it intensely difficult to know if we’re doing this whole ‘motherhood thing’ right at all.We do laundry. We make meals. We listen, kiss boo-boos, tie shoes, and try to stay patient. But no one pauses to say, “You know, I saw the way you negotiated those last two bites of broccoli and I must say—well done, Mrs. Bradley.”And so, we start to look for any measuring stick we can find to gauge our progress. And sometimes we look sideways.At other moms.And whether we mean to or not, we compare.We measure ourselves against women who appear confident, accomplished, polished. Mothers whose children seem more well-behaved, more advanced academically—whose diets include more fruits and veggies than goldfish, yogurt, and marshmallows.We wonder if we’re failing.To every mother who feels that way, I want to share something I’ve learned after twelve years in the trenches:Comparison is a thief of joy, and I believe Satan delights in using it to frustrate us.Scripture warns us plainly:But they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. —2 Corinthians 10:12So what does a “successful mother” actually look like?Is it solely determined by her children’s outcomes? Well that’s not fair—on the child or the mother.Is it the woman who is sought after for advice, whose lifestyle is imitated by other women? Maybe. But that kind of affirmation is fleeting.And I don’t think it reflects the heart of God.Our Heavenly Father doesn’t evaluate success the way the world does. In fact, the only time the word success appears in the King James Bible is in Joshua 1:8—and it’s tied directly to meditating on God’s Word and obeying it.This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. — Joshua 1:8There is no platform, no curated highlight reel. Just faithfulness to His Word, seeking His face diligently.That’s the measuring stick. That is what scripture tells us God rewards.Without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. —Hebrews 11:6Have you been faithful with what He’s given you? Have you met with Him in the morning and given your day to Him, knowing that you can’t do this in your own strength?Have you used His blessings in the best way you could—day in and day out?And even if you’ve gone to bed feeling like a failure, have you rested in the truth that His mercies are new every morning?If we are walking in faith, in these trenches of motherhood, when all the days feel like the same breakfast dishes and the same towels on the floor— that’s precious to God. And I want to encourage you, especially, dear young mother— you can be pleasing to God without a platform. You can be “successful” in motherhood even when life feels disorganized and messy. Just seek His face. Do this ‘motherhood thing’ for God’s glory—not for outward applause.One day, the only performance review that will matter will be at the Judgment Seat of Christ.And my prayer is that I—and you—will be found faithful. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com

I love looking over my past prayer lists and prayer journal notes. I fell down a rabbit hole this morning, recalling where I was this time, spring last year.One trivial thing on my March 2024 prayer list was matching oak nightstands. We currently have 'cheap' laminated particle board nightstands that I paid $5 a piece for at a Goodwill over 12 years ago. Mine has been leaning for a few years. I didn't want to tell anyone else what I was looking for, but I had in my mind that if I just asked my Heavenly Father for two, new-to-me, matching oak nightstands, that He would provide. I didn't expressly say this, but I know my expectation was that He would answer in 30 days or less.Well, He never did. I still have the same, old, particle board nightstands. Mine is still leaning, but still standing.I remember the frustration I felt after weeks went by with no answer. At every yard sale and every trip to Goodwill, I carried a childlike hope that surely this time I would turn the corner and there would be my nightstands, hand delivered straight from Heaven. A light would be shining down upon them, angels would be singing, and I would go home rejoicing. I thought, Lord why won't you give this to me? What is so sinful about nightstands? Surely I'm not asking to 'consume it upon my lust'...(James 4:3) What is wrong with nightstands?When I saw a friend pray for tangible things that Spring and then turn around and find the very thing at a yard sale that weekend...oh, how my frustration grew! Lord don't you love me? Don't I pray the right way? is there some sin in my life blocking me from 'getting a prayer through'? (When what I really mean is, something is blocking me from 'getting what I want'...)Then, as I continued my 2024 prayer list review, I was reminded of that day in July, leaving Dr. Chalkley's office with my very sick mother, being told by a nurse that they would call us when a bed was available on the UK Neurology ICU...that it could be one or two days... I remember praying then... barely having time to text others with the prayer request... having just pulled away from the office onto Limestone before that nurse was calling me back saying a bed was suddenly available.My God shall supply all my needs. (Phil. 4:19)I guess I don't need the nightstands.When I need it, God will provide it. He promises to. My frustration comes when I cannot surrender my own judgment of what I think is best for me...even something as mundane as bedroom furniture.I have felt that frustration over unanswered prayers many times. I have had a nagging sense in my mind that God never actually answers MY prayers...the only time "my" prayer is answered is if someone else, someone more spiritual than I, is praying for the same thing. The Devil very often whispers that God listens to others but not to me. That God isn't pleased with me, and that's why my own private little prayers never 'get through.''I count not myself to have apprehended.' (Phil 3:13) However, I am growing in realization that because faith is our shield in spiritual warfare, the Devil will purposely frustrate us and try in anyway that he can to weaken our faith. If he can sow seeds of doubt, I may give up, lower my shield, and be hit with the fiery darts of the wicked.So I will keep praying. Keep trusting. And when the answers do not come as I think they should, I will remind myself (again), that my Heavenly Father knows exactly what I need and He will provide as He promised, in His way. Even if I never find matching oak nightstands. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit lightinthemargins.substack.com