My Difficult Conversation

In this episode I talk about what do in regards to how what to do is a euphemism for hopelessness and choosing to do even small things are steps in finding hope. Every aspect of my life has involved a what to do situation. I also talk about how at my age I've missed almost every millennial milestone because of the human rights violations, abuse and exploitation and isolation - how even with dating how inexperienced I am - something like a date would be considered a milestone for me, whereas for another person at 39 it would be so casual - often I wonder if because of this situation and not being sure when I'll get my human rights - if I'm too late for certain aspects of life - such as ever having an actual family as because of this situation I've never had one.

In this episode I talk about what to do? How to fill time when bored - and for me what can I do when there are so many restrictions to participating in life? How the things I do - keep myself from decaying so that the systems and players of torture, and abuse in the past don't succeed in the complete destruction of me.

Talking more specifically about Radio Frequency and AI - how it undermines human rights, can be used as propaganda that invades personal space, can hijack religion - and in regards of data being inputted into AI -how Radio Berlin ( a tv show) gets turned into a medium it's not intended for. The effects of radio frequency and AI and how it can influence people good and bad, it is a method of communication and how it can separate humanity simply because we are human, which is dangerous to human rights.

Talking about AI and how it can help or hurt humanity - but at its current stage how it was built on a flawed system of human rights restrictions - therefore flawed by further enforcing a negative system and turning aspects of human rights into a game which is fundamentally against human rights - and how it works by inputting data which sets up a series of rules that are major danger to human rights - and could literally turn AI into the most efficient killing machine in the world - no matter where a person is - based on the data inputted and who controls what data gets put in. AI can help ways of life - but it is at such a novice stage and has been spread so quickly because of profit efficiency. It appeals to people good and bad - because it can further both agendas - and the right to use such tech is thought of as a factor of human rights - when actually under the surface its undermining the very essence of universal human rights and constitutional rights.

In this episode I talk about the basic human need for rest and relaxation. One of the most basic human functions is sleep, accessible to everyone - and how because of many aspects of human rights violations - I have never been able to experience that complete state of rest because of the constant living nightmare of the violations of my human rights that has kept me immensely tired.

Talking about when people say 'Let's go!' often, and I'm always left wondering - Let's go where? I do get the Disney reference, though in this episode I talk about the use of this phrase, and how when motivating people, it's important to know why and where - as for how we go, everyone gets to different parts of their life in different ways - we all have different forms of transport- physical, social, emotional, and economical - and it's important to consider the ways a person has to get to where they need in life as opposed to carefree encouragement because some people, like myself, my life journey has involved excessive abuse - and so my destination of having my human rights and freedom is essential to my literal survival - so let's go or allez vous... I've been going through this throughout my whole adulthood just waiting to arrive - for the moment where I don't need to go, and I'm allowed to be.

Talking about personal profanity on how intentional profanity has been put upon me my whole life by not even being allowed proper economic and social security because of human rights exploitation, in all sorts of ways which has been extremely abusive at times, but also how I have been personally profane to myself, from a certain risky situation to overly farting in my favorite outfit, as a method to also display the effects of others profane attitude (which has been the main language spoken to me most of my life), and as a way to stand up, even just for myself for a moment.

F*** - Talking about personal profanity and the sometimes creative and shocking insults I've come up with as tools in my fight for rights, rather than a loss of control, as methods of rebellion to injustice and standing up for civil rights by showcasing uncivil statements a lack of rights causes - as a way to bring an abusive 'audience' member into my world to let them experience the effect of the long term pain and suffering from an abusive cycle, and violations of human rights on me - and then to explain why I said such an awful thing - as a way to showcase the effect of their abusive actions in affecting my more sophisticated behavior, and why I need my human rights to survive. Much of the time when I am in a position of no power or rights in many ways, and mistreated and often when kind, normal dialogue doesn't work, personal profanity turns into a sharp hook (it's happened after a long buildup of gaslighting), to latch on such an abusive person, and reel them into a realization that things need to change, that the violations of my human rights are in turn weakening societal standards, turning unjust abusive situations towards me, into building blocks of societal cesspool trash.

In this episode I talk about neighborly interactions, what makes a good and bad neighbor, how often neighbors tend to cross my boundaries but set unfair ones for themselves as a method of isolating me and further exploiting my exposed vulnerability - but also when neighbors have shown aspects of community and life through times of me escaping abuse - this is a long episode where I talk about neighborly expectations of ourselves and others - but also the loss of neighborhood communities in our purpose driven life and how we should make sure not to fall into the cycle of turning ourselves or neighbors into strangers - and should approach life in a horizontal as opposed to vertical way - making sure our forever neighbor in the world - life - is never a stranger.

Talking about changing my name, and how we are often labelled into boxes, and why its important to find ways to be less limited, stand up against unjust limits and not impose our limits on others personal choices.

Talking about the use of the economy to harass, humiliate, and undermine me, in ways that keep the systems that should be equal and there for people, become systems I fear, that make the future feel hopeless when control and restrictions also take form of economic weapons , like using bad humor of 69 to overcast the damages it does to me.

In this final episode of My Difficult Conversation (for at least this year) I talk about what causes trauma - and my extent with dealing with it for 16 years as a result of modern slavery, exploitation and aspects of human trafficking - how it has developed and how it has reached a point where I needed to talk about it.

This episode talks about internal posture, how internal posture can affect outer posture, and how we can focus on our own internal posture and how finding the right alignment is a work in progress, on a spectrum, that requires sometimes experimentation and being aware of the situations that cause us to be too weak willed or too uptight and how we receive in life in terms of humanity.

In this episode I talk about the complex dance between rational and irrational fears, based on existing situations or past trauma, and how past abuses of power and a lack of self-determination can leave a lasting impact, complicating the ability to distinguish and navigate these fears effectively, how compartmentalizing our emotions can help us manage them better, learning to strategize from the pros and cons of both irrational and rational categories - so that we feel safer to step outside our comfort zone and become better probability masters of our own luck, reducing the chances of self-sabotage.

Talking about Oh No moments, and how we can strategically use the power of oh no moments, when it's beneficial and when it's not, to empower our mind, heart and humanity.

From relationships, to career, to aspirations to ourselves - how do we decide what to give up and not give up to lighten the load on us, how do we see past societal perceptions of never giving up -- and allow ourselves to make informed decisions whether that even be putting things on hold or redistributing efforts so that we can have more positive long term experiences.

As a person with a history of people causing trauma during special occasions such as my birthday - how do I approach celebrating occasions and how can we all find ways to celebrate occasions without giving in to the expectations and society preconceptions of how a holiday should be spent, how we can remove this idea of coping and in turn take control of the narrative of celebrations without sticking to any routine which can at times put pressure on special occasions.

Bringing to the conversation Do I Matter? I ask myself this all the time and how do we find the answer to this question in a system that undermines value.

In this episode I talk about the perceptions we see in the media inspired by art. I also mention many topics that I found difficult to address in the past because of their political nature- The relation between my film Flu and the covid pandemic, the inauguration, the relation between my book Light Up and the insurrection, my court case and Roe vs Wade, The Russia vs Ukraine war, Hamas vs Israel and political policies inspired by art.

Talking about my experience with stalkers, falling for my stalkers, how the internet created stalking, and how we need to be aware of good and bad stalkers.

Why it's important to not focus on making a good choice, but making a better choice, and how a series of better choices can have a butterfly effect into reaching a better outcome.

Talking about acknowledging feelings, how we need to stop manipulating feelings and responsible empowerment.

Talking about the abuses of the private healthcare sector from medical gaslighting to over prescribing and the bias towards the public healthcare sector we need to eliminate.

Talking about Bad Hookups and the importance of normalizing conversations around these.

In this episode I talk about the stigma of the word Refugee and why we need to change the conversation around that.