Oh, Sister!

cw: discussion of gender dynamics through LDS gender binary framework; mention of violence and m*rderToday we’re learning about the stark differences between how the LDS Church teaches their young women and young men. I analyze the youth lesson manual topics to compare and contrast the emphasis given to preparing for a future of family life, and I discuss the heavy implications the “gender divide” differences have on the development of Mormon girls and boys alike.In week forty-seven my journal entries include whining about a faithful saint getting too “Kolob” in our surface-level lesson with an investigator, watching an inspirational Ward Council training video to cheer up after a depressing visit, and entering the home of an insistent adult man on a dark and stormy night...Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Internet Archive: Aaronic Priesthood Manual 3 Internet Archive: Young Women Manual 3 Internet Archive: Preparing to Become an Eternal Companion Internet Archive: Hastening the Work: Ward Council TrainingInternet Archive: Hastening the Work: Ward Mission LeadersYouTube: The Ward Mission Leader in the Work of SalvationWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #southdakotarapidcitymission #NdbM #northdakotabismarckmission #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister #mormonmissionary #deconstruction

cw: Reading through and discussing my own patriarchal blessing—discretion advised for believing Latter-day Saints. Skip through if you don’t want to hear it!I’ve had this on the backburner and I decided today is the day. I’m reading through my patriarchal blessing and discussing the specific ways it harmed my development, before and during my mission.In week forty-six my journal entries include multiple instances of divine guidance, comforting a family about their son who was refusing to serve as a missionary, and referring to myself as an Elder Sister.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #southdakotarapidcitymission #NdbM #northdakotabismarckmission #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister #mormonmissionary #deconstruction

cw: discussion of theological arguments for racismIt’s season 3! I’ve wanted to discuss the LDS Church’s theological relationship with race, with regards to Black people in particular. Today, I finally decided how to start this topic—by reading from the Book of Mormon. In week forty-five my journal entries include picking up and moving to my third area, saying goodbye to my old trainee and meeting my new one, and thanking the Lord for His tender mercies when I discover a local sunflower field.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!LDS Gospel Topics Essays: Race and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Learn More: The Black Menaces: https://www.theblackmenaces.org/home Mormon Stories: Channel AchenbachWikipedia: Black people and Mormonism Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #southdakotarapidcitymission #NdbM #northdakotabismarckmission #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister #mormonmissionary #deconstruction

cw: mention of diet culture/restrictive eating, mention of food insecurityI don’t know if you’ve noticed but whenever I’m writing about something sad in my journal as a missionary, there’s always some sort of faithful spin, some positive element, some way to see God’s hand in it all. This was a learned, cultural response. I didn’t just make this up on my own—I knew that part of being a valiant example of Christ, a light on the hill, was showing my faith through my absolute belief in God’s plan and will and timing. Today I’m starting things off with a reflection on the Mormon tendency to avoid feeling grief and loss, from regular daily life to the big moments like funerals.In week forty-four my journal entries include reprimanding myself for putting off God’s instructions for our area, blaming myself for being too negative, and reminding myself to be diligent—aka, obedient and positive—every single day.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!LDS General Handbook: 29.5 Funeral Services (Where Customary)Alyssa Grenfell: The Dark World of Mormon Funerals Learn More: Heidi Priebe: What to do About Heartbreak (Grief)Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #southdakotarapidcitymission #NdbM #northdakotabismarckmission #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister #mormonmissionary #deconstruction

cw: mention of pornographyWe open today with a discussion on the strong culture for “kindness” and against contention. From the hymns we sing in Sunday services to missionary guidelines on living like Christ, it’s no wonder that I struggled with honest communication on my mission! I believe that this cultural refusal to tolerate conflict ruins true relational authenticity at best, and in worst case scenarios is a key element of the social leniency towards perpetrators of abuse.In week forty-three my journal entries include finally going on a fun group P-day activity, helping a tragically overwhelmed Young Women’s leader prepare for Girl’s Camp, and experiencing one of God’s greatest miracles—finding my lost wallet!Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!LDS Hymnal #232: Let Us Oft Speak Kind WordsCurrent Missionary Preach My Gospel Manual: Chapter 6, PatienceHeidi Priebe: How People Pleasing Kills Intimacy (And Honest Conflict Builds It)Alyssa Grenfell’s interview of Heather Gay: Discussing “Surviving Mormonism”Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #southdakotarapidcitymission #NdbM #northdakotabismarckmission #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister #mormonmissionary #deconstruction

cw: discussion of stalking, discussion of ableism/exploitation of disabled peopleFollowing last week’s introduction to our new mission president, this week I open with a brief introduction to the leaked 2006 official Mission President’s Handbook. There were too many wild topics I couldn’t even cover, so you should definitely go check it out yourself but I do point out the instructions related to missionaries who want to go home early....!!!!!In week forty-two my journal entries include comparing a nicotine addiction to wanting to eat chocolate (face palm), preparing our golden investigator for her baptism, and totally nailing my first official meeting with the new Mission President.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Official LDS Mission President’s Handbook: leaked 2006 editionWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #southdakotarapidcitymission #NdbM #northdakotabismarckmission #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister #mormonmissionary #deconstruction

cw: discussion of homophobia; discussion of stalking; swearing This week my entire mission experienced all of the upheaval and excitement that came with the cyclical ending of President Allen’s reign, as he finished his time in the presiding chair and passed the baton to his replacement, President Partridge. I open the episode with an analysis of the MTC training for Mission Presidents—the 2015 Seminar for New Mission Presidents. Of course, their wives are in attendance, too...In week forty-one, my journal entries include attending a special Church meeting to hear the Lord’s direction for His Church after the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in the U.S., calling out the Elders in our district for participating in romantically treacherous and rule-breaking service projects, and once again dealing with a scary instance of stalking.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Mormon Leaks on WayBack Machine: 2015 Seminar for New Mission Presidents Lundy Bancroft: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling MenMarie and Robert Lund: Ensign, March 2015 The Savior’s Respect for Women Church Newsroom: Official Church Response to Legalization of Same-Sex MarriageMormon Dialogue Forum, 12 July 2015: My Sunday: That Meeting About You Know, Marriage Things?Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #southdakotarapidcitymission #NdbM #northdakotabismarckmission #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister #mormonmissionary #deconstruction

cw: swearing; mention of sexual assaults, violence, threats of violence; discussion of systemic enslavement and abuse of Indigenous people; discussion of discrimination against and harmful stereotypes of Indigenous peopleAs a Sister Missionary I believed the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, MY Church, was an entirely positive force for good in the world, and that included the Church’s relationship with Indigenous Americans. Today I am working on setting the record straight by sharing a small portion of Church history they never taught me—how the Mormon Church harmed Indigenous people in the past, and how it continues to harm people today. I’ll give examples of how contemporary Prophets spoke about Indigenous people, as well as the practices they initiated and endorsed as head of the Church.  I will conclude with an honest account from our own time, sharing the words of an Exmormon Native American woman.In week forty, my journal entries include celebrating the 4th of July with the added miracle of intuiting God’s ban on missionaries attending the rodeo, receiving the sweetest praise for my Christlike example of “loving others more than I love myself” and “never stopping to care for myself,” and finally, missing a much-yearned for temple Endowment session but, through the grace of God, getting a chance to learn a big spiritual lesson and have things work out for the best anyway.Protect Missing & Murdered Indigenous People: https://www.niwrc.org/donate Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansen(Write in the notes to send this towards today’s featured guest and I will get it to her, and if I can’t get in touch with her I will send the money instead to the National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center)This project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Her original post: Reddit, “Exmo Native American here” 1852 Utah Legislative Session, Brigham Young, p. 108-110 1960 General Conference, Spencer W. Kimball, “The Day of the Lamanites” Wikipedia: LDS Indian Placement ProgramWikipedia: Native American People and MormonismWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister #NoMoreMMIW #NoMoreMMIP #MMIW #MMIP 

I open today’s episode with a reflection on my loss of community. I wish the rituals around life milestones that I grew up with were for everyone, rather than only for the worthy in-group. One of the devastating realities of losing faith in Mormonism is the included loss of community, due to the church’s essential theological teachings that those who leave the faith are unredeemable and corrupted.In week thirty-nine, my journal entries include reuniting with my trainer as she stops by to say hi on her mission tour, writing a talk for Sacrament Meeting that explains why missionary work is so important, and smiling through the awkward meeting of a fake “fellow Saint” from a different branch of Mormonism.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: discussion of emergency weather (tornadoes, thunder storm)From primary and onwards, LDS Church goers are consistently reminded to obey their church leaders to find safety, happiness, and freedom. I kick things off today with a quick overview of the messaging missionaries get on this topic, and then of course I have to talk about how I think always following your church leaders is a terribly unhealthy practice.In week thirty-eight, my journal entries include celebrating my twentieth birthday, repeatedly gaslighting my companion that things were actually fine and great, and leaving a safe basement during an active tornado warning due to my absolute confidence in my Mission President’s counsel.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Ronald A. Rasband:  Standing with the Leaders of the ChurchMissionary “White” Handbook: IntroductionPreach My Gospel (current edition): ObedienceWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: (!!!discussion of church's truth claims, proceed with caution, skip to journal entries if needed) discussion of racism and genocide, mention of r*pe culture, mention of assault rifles, mention of violence against groupsToday I want to begin discussing the deep connection Mormonism has with Native American people. It seems to me that the LDS church came into existence due to racist attitudes meant to justify the genocide of indigenous people, and so we’re learning about the church’s history of historical erasure through media like children’s music (Book of Mormon Stories) and scripture (the Book of Mormon). I’m also giving an intro to the Mound Builders Myth thanks to LDS Discussions, and I’m sharing the perspective of Sarah Newcomb, an exmormon Tsimshian woman. on how all of this “history” affects native people today.In week thirty-seven, my journal entries include confessing that I have a hard time communicating frustration with my companions, allowing my suffering companion to take a few hours off for a disobedient nap, and rejoicing in the opportunity to clean up a big, ungodly mess.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenDonate: Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, Girls, and Two-Spirit People This project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!LDS Discussions: Mound Builder Myth Sarah Newcomb: Mormonisms’ Dance With ColonizationLDS Children’s Songbook: Book of Mormon StoriesLearn more: National Indigenous Womens’ Resource Center: MMIWRMormon Stories Interview: Native American Women and the Lamanite MythWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: discussion of attitudes around death, mention of violence in scriptureI’m shining a light on how missionaries are prepped with coercive strategies and trained to manipulate! Today we’re learning about one of the goals from the 12-Week Training Program, “I am comfortable with silence as I teach.” I’ll give a glimpse into what this meant for me as a missionary, how I trained other missionaries on the topic, and how silence is actually in real life a very powerful thing that can be used to manipulate you.In week thirty-six, my journal entries include playing frisbee golf in my first-ever District P-day group activity, attending (virtually) the funeral service for esteemed Apostle Elder L. Tom Perry, and resolving to put my Mission President’s Wife’s phone number on speed dial when I got home.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Preach My Gospel, updated version (mine is old apparently!): Chapter 10In-Field Training for New Missionaries: The First 12 WeeksLearn more: Heidi Priebe: What To Do About Heartbreaks (Grief)Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: mention of pornography Zone Conference is once again upon us, and it’s just as toxic as ever. This week I’m focusing in on the theme of sacrificing yourself to receive the blessings of heaven, except it turns out that sacrificing and suffering can be really bad for people. I turn to the research behind Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, as a basic argument against the idea of suffering as a net positive. And in fact, it turns out that groups asking you to sacrifice is a known element of control in cults. An article by our friend Steven Hassan explains the concept of cognitive dissonance, handily connecting the Mormon Church’s obsession with sacrifice to another method of coercive control. In week thirty-five, my journal entries include luxuriating in the freedom we got from having 30 whole minutes on a P-day to wander around a parking lot and have FUN, cheerleading my new greenie through her first day of working through a fast, managing my disappointment when a Memorial Day trench-digging service project was cancelled, and unironically writing, “I’m pretty excited to be a wife & Mom. : )”Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!LDS Media Library: Praise to the ManPhoebe Hall, Brown University: Discussing The Body Keeps the Score Steven Hassan, Psychology Today: ⁠Cognitive Dissonance⁠Learn more: Gabor Maté ACES: 5 min video American Society for the Positive Care of Children: 10 question ACE quiz  Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: food shaming, discussion of deathAs foretold by my Sister Training Leader, I had finally been tasked with one of a missionary’s most important responsibilities—training another missionary. This week I’m discussing the gravitas surrounding the assignment to train, and I’ll also begin exploring the church’s seemingly retired In-Field Training: The First 12 Weeks program.In week thirty-four, my journal entries include worrying about my new trainee’s refusal to rest as she deals with a cold, playing the piano for a funeral service ran by (gasp!) a paid clergyman, and appreciating my companion’s willingness to get out of and “back” the car in the rain.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Church News: New Missionary In-field Training Extends MTC ExperienceThat Helpful Reddit Post: Here’s Where “These Practices” Began Via the Way Back Machine: In-Field Training for New Missionaries: The First 12 WeeksWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

A few weeks back an infamous talk came up in my journal, and today we’re unpacking it! I present to you "The Fourth Missionary," explained through the lens of psychological tactics used to manipulate and brainwash.In week thirty-three, my journal entries include giving Sister Feist her final farewell as she returns home with honor, meeting my new companion (my first trainee!), and receiving the inspirational priesthood-blessing-reminder that love is powerful because it lets us change people.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Angelito Malicse How to Spot Mind Manipulation and Brainwashing Lawrence E. Corbridge The Fourth Missionary Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

It’s Mother’s Day on my mission, and so I continue the theme from last week and discuss the LDS Church’s discourse on “the divine role of women.” This week I share general conference addresses that teach what a woman is meant for, what she should aspire to, what will bring her fulfillment, and where she should spend her time. Not surprisingly, these messages linger in my subconscious long after I stopped believing them.In week thirty-two, my journal entries include talking with my family for the second time on my mission, finally experiencing a big snowstorm (and getting our Jeep stuck in the snow), and receiving inspiration from God in one of his greatest and most common miracles—remembering where I left my camera. ; )Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!1981 LDS General Conference: The Honored Place of Women2013 LDS General Conference: The Moral Force of WomenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw:  discussion of death and lossA big result of my missionary experience was quadrupling down on the idea that I needed to GET MARRIED and BE A MOTHER. I’ve been seeing more and more talk about this in my journal, and even in my emails home, so I’ve gotta’ talk about it once again. This week I’m drawing in the wisdom of Margi Dehlin, as she explained how orthodox Mormon teachings and culture harmed her over her life as a young woman, wife, and mother. I know this episode is a little longer but I think it’s worth listening to! In week thirty-one, my journal entries include returning to a regular two-by-two companionship after weeks in a trio, getting a chance to sing with my “real voice,” and doubling down with fasting and thought-stopping after a particularly frustrating day.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Margi Dehlin: Coming Home to Myself Sonia Johnson: From Housewife to Heretic (p. 72)LDS Church: Missionary Handbook (p. 31)Correction! Exponent II and its origins BYU Library: 1st published article of original ExponentExponent II: History of the PublicationWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw:  food shaming; discussion of stalking, suic*dality, & abuse; I swear in this episodePart of my unpacking process has drawn me to learning more about my family history—specifically, the stories of the women in my family who were first affected by the LDS church. I’ve been listening to the incredible work of Lindsey Hansen Park—the Year of Polygamy podcast—which has been (sadly) helpful with understanding my own family dynamics. This week, I’ll share how my great-great-great grandmother dealt with the difficulties of her unhappy polygamous marriage by turning to toxic perfectionism, which is passed down from generation to generation.In week thirty, my journal entries include a clothes-mending session that turns into a trauma dump, dealing with an emergency transfer, and struggling to help a young Native American Mormon woman in crisis.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Lindsay Hansen Park: A Year of Polygamy Mamie Wells Lovell: History of Caroline Ely Partridge Lyman Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw:  discussion of stalking & fear of violenceI always thought of missionaries as unstoppable messengers for God, and grew up hearing stories of how missionaries were miraculously saved from scary situations. This week, we see my cultural idea of missionary invincibility crash up against the reality of being a young woman with an obedient heart and zero tolerance for conflict. In week twenty-nine, my journal entries include splurging on artisan chocolate treats, dealing with one companion’s broken bone, and desperately gaslighting myself that I felt fine and safe after a scary interaction with a stranger.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansen This project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Bailey, Exponent II: Essential Mission Prep Church Newsroom: Missionary Safety in 2024Church Missionary Manuals: Missionary Standards for Disciples of Jesus ChristWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

Although the standard grouping for missionaries is “two by two,” sometimes things come up and suddenly you’re in a TRIO. I’m kicking things off by explaining some of the ups and downs of being in a trio, as well as being with missionaries who are soon to go home.In week twenty-eight, my journal entries include actually going on a recreational hike on P-day, teaching a member with connections to a biker gang, and easily breaking into our apartment after locking ourselves out.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!PMG ch. 8 Weekly Planning PMG ch. 9 Importance of Working with Members Check out the new opera—Dark SistersWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

Welcome to season 2! In line with my transfer to a new area, I start things out with an explanation of “pink washing,” leading into the patriarchal gender dynamics between Sisters and Elders. I found a fascinating historical timeline of LDS Sister Missionaries that was written in response to the lowering of age limits for missionary service. Dr. Radke-Moss posited that Sister Missionaries might be treated with more respect than was normal in the historical precedent; I’ll leave it up to you whether or not you believe this came true.In week twenty-seven, my journal entries include saying goodbye to everyone in my first area including my first golden investigator, being placed into a surprise tripanionship, and, accordingly, dealing with a massive tone shift in my missionary work.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Dr. Andrea Radke-Moss: An Overview of LDS Sister Missionary ServiceWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: mention of dental workAs a young woman trying to find myself as a sister missionary, I had a deep yearning to find my spiritual purpose—to not only feel my connection to the divine, but to see myself in the divine. Unfortunately, the Mormon theological world has almost no female representation. I’ll discuss how this environment of male-centric authority figures and spiritual philosophies lead to my increased self abandonment, as I tamped down every part of myself that didn't fit perfectly into the Church’s mould for women.This week’s journal entries include receiving personal revelation from Heavenly Father through a church broadcast, judging a woman in mourning for being “angry,” & finally getting that highly anticipated (and feared) transfer phone call...Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Amy McPhie Allebest: Why Religious Tools Don’t Work For Women  Donna Lee Bowen & Camille S. Williams: Women in the Book of Mormon Erin Kane: Women less than 15% of Bible charactersLDS Living: Timeline of Women’s General Conference Sessions from 1830-2022 Official Church Site: General Conference Research Guide  (aka priesthood sessions) Liahona: 2015 General Women’s Session Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: incidents of racism, discussion of racismPeople tend to believe that “educated” and “intelligent” people would never be tricked into falling for a scam, but it turns out that we are all prone to blind spots when it comes to what is near and dear to the heart. I focus in on this idea, using the example of believing in literal spiritual healing while maintaining skepticism towards alternative essential oil medicine.This week’s journal entries include coming down with strep, getting a free haircut, & listening to uncomfortable conversations steeped in racist beliefs.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

I’ve been saying for a while now that I want to discuss ableism and today I’m officially starting that discussion, with a focus on how the Church interacts with its elderly members. Spoilers—the church encourages the congregation to give to the church generously, while also discouraging “handouts” from the church back to the Ward members.This week’s journals include meeting a darling elderly widow, doubling down on the importance of corporate “key indicator” goals, and making pie for a random man because I am a woman and he is a man. : /Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Older Adults Living in Poverty: kff.orgPrinciples for Providing Church Assistance: General Handbook 22.4LDS Church Finances: wikipedia.org Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

We all know that “you can buy anything in this world with money” ; ), and “nothing is free.” You might think that at least going on a two-year proselyting mission for the LDS church would be free but you’d be wrong! I start today’s episode by breaking down the basics of financing a mission, with a focus on the Missionary Support Fund.This week’s journals include stressing out over a probable promotion, spacing out during my second baptism due to said stress, and eating gummy bears that tasted like cleaning products. Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Primary Song: We’ll Bring the World His TruthMission Prep Blog: Paying For Your MissionLDS Tools: Missionary FinancesWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: discussion of restrictive eating, eating disorders, fatphobia, racism, diet culture strategies such as calorie countingDue to my journal’s constant focus on restrictive eating, it’s time we face the beast and learn about the history of fatphobia. The Church has not been silent on the topic of what is “healthiest” for people, especially women, to feed and do with their bodies, and I’m going to push back on how this messaging is not only incorrect but also harmful.This week’s journals include repenting for the sin of eating sugar, promising members that I would of course never ever leave the Church, and finally achieving the high of testifying of Joseph Smith to a nonbeliever.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!APA resource: Eating Disorders, Weight-Shaming and “Clean” EatingHannah Carlan UCLA resource: Book Review of Strings’ “Fearing the Black Body”Amanda Montgomery UIC resource: Weight stigma and fatphobia in public healthCarol Wolf LDS Ensign message: Physical Health: Weight Loss and the Word of WisdomRecommended Reading:Sabrina Strings’ Fear the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobiar/exmormon reddit: Self Esteem for the Latter-Day Saint WomanLDS General Conference 1978: Good Health—A Key to Joyous Living LDS Ensign message 2014: Nourishing Our Bodies and Our SpiritsLDS Missionary Wellness Manual: BodyweightWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: mention of dental problems, discussion of restrictive eating  Today we dive into the expectations of missionary WORK, reading sections of the White Handbook and Preach My Gospel that taught me to work myself to the bone, without proper rest or self care.This week’s journals include teaching my first lesson to a “drunk” investigator, reveling in the surprise visit from my mission president and his wife, and discovering the reason the Lord sent me to Scranton.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansen This project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Preach My Gospel: Developing Christlike AttributesWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: discussion of homophobia, mention of violent death & su*cide, of food restriction, & discussion of dental problems  I kick things off today by discussing the LDS Church’s practice of demanding people play nice while simultaneously kicking them while they’re down. Politely, of course. I reference a news broadcast they did in 2015 that is focused on the topics of "religious freedom and nondiscrimination," but this wasn't just a single card in their hand—this is the playbook.This week’s journals include briefly freezing the pipes in our apartment’s kitchen, getting so many Valentine’s Day treats, and discovering a problem with my dental implant. 😬Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Youtube: Thought Slime’s Video EssayTranscript: News Conference on Religious Freedom and Nondiscrimination YouTube: News Conference on Religious Freedom and NondiscriminationPress Release: News Conference on Religious Freedom and NondiscriminationWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

 Today I’ll begin to cover the topics taught in the missionary lessons, as well as the instructions on how missionaries are to interact with people they teach. And, I’ll make my case for how these practices line up with the idea of undue influence, or coercive control, by using tactics like love bombing and withholding critical information. This week’s journals include calling my past self out for wasting time watching Netflix, developing a new unhealthy obsession with the popular missionary talk The Character of Christ,  and finding my companion’s lost (!!!!) nametag.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Reddit: Love BombingFreedom of Mind: Undue InfluenceInstagram: Love BombingPreach My Gospel: Ch. 3, Ch. 10Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0mandolin sample from porch.wav by Jackie-makes-noiz -- https://freesound.org/s/545744/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

According to my mission leaders, there was not only a right and a wrong option for every choice, but there was always a good, better, and best choice. Today I discuss how this kind of thinking encourages religious scrupulosity. This week’s journals include a surprisingly low number of active young single adults in the area, several days of infuriating illness that kept preventing me from working hard, and the discovery of one of our “golden” investigators.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Recommended Listening: ConspiracyPrimary Song: Choose the Right WayHymn: Choose the RightMcLean Hospital: Understanding Religious ScrupulosityWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: mention of r*pe, inc*st, discussion of abortionIn line with this week’s focus on an investigator preparing for her baptism, today I’ll talk about one of the requirements for baptism into the LDS Church: the Baptismal Worthiness Interview. Since my investigator was a woman, I’ll focus in on the interview’s focus of female sexual purity. This week’s journal entries include actually written-out doubt about the inspiration to do missionary work in Ellendale, getting amped up by how cool a middle-aged member is since he wears a CTR ring, and the surprisingly anti-climactic first-ever-in-my-mission baptism. Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Church handbook: AbortionReddit: abortion in interview for eldersWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

cw: spouse abuse & murder, diet culture, child endangermentI believe that Mormon theology enshrines patriarchy as god-given doctrine, and I will die on this hill! Today we’re learning about the document The Family: A Proclamation to the World, and I discuss misogyny, patriarchy, feminism, and how they tie into the church’s teachings. In week sixteen, my journal includes the affirmation of conditional love and homophobia (barf!), more stressing about not being a good enough missionary, and a show-down between my companionship vs. our missionary leaders. Spoilers, we were the ones to back down.Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!wikipedia misogyny: helpful breakdown wikipedia patriarchy: helpful breakdown The Family Proclamation: official church website Women Are Doormats: reddit post Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

CW: discussion of dying for the church, food insecurity, food restriction. We start this week off with a reflection on a classic Elder Holland address to missionaries, with the chilling threat that "I have chains in every room." Yes, really! And of course, in this fifteenth week’s journal entries we once again come across the Mormon Message “Mountains To Climb,” so we’ll look into that message as well. This week’s experiences include the loss of my first-ever investigator, a fast from “disobedience,” the assistance of a family moving in -10 degree winter weather, and the decision to send personalized propaganda to my family in my regular letters with them. : /Support me monthly on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenMake a one-time donation on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/allychristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!recent reddit post: r/exmormonDon’t You Dare Go Home: ldsminds.com further reading: Don’t You Dare Go HomeMountains to Climb: videoWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

CW: heavy swearing.  discussion of child abuse, child endangerment, violence, death, food insecurity, food restriction. In line with some darker themes that begin to pop up in this week’s journal entries, today I’m beginning with a brief recap of the LDS Church’s history of dealing with both perpetrators and survivors of abuse, children in particular. In addition to the heartbreaking situation that inspired today’s rant, this fourteenth week’s journal entries include putting a positive spin on running out of money for groceries, dealing with true North Dakota winter temperatures, and daydreaming of my future, carefree life as a housewife.Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!Faith-safe resource for finding LDS offenders in your area: floodlit.orgMormon Stories Episode: Mormon Church Facing Sex Abuse & Trafficking LawsuitsSam Young’s Website: Protect LDS Children2008 First Presidency Letter: Responding to AbuseCurrent Child Protection Training Website: Protecting Children & YouthChurch Handbook: 38.6.2Utah Code 602: Child abuse and neglect reporting requirements -- ExceptionsLDS song: A Child’s PrayerComposer’s Website: Consider the LiliesWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

CW: discussion of child abuse, discussion of over eating & food restrictionIt’s Christmas time! In this episode I’ll begin by explaining what Christmas means for missionaries—spoiler alert, it’s not a day to rest or party. After discussing the He is the Gift campaign, I’ll read the exhortations from my mission president about what to do during the Christmas season. This thirteenth week’s journal entries include facing my first Christmas away from home as a missionary, dealing with a scheduled baptism imperiled by sudden illness, and reckoning with the strict rules to limit contact with children while being asked to teach a primary class.Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenThis project is very rewarding and very time consuming. Your financial support makes this possible, thank you!He is the Gift: ⁠mini lesson ⁠He is the Gift: ⁠video ⁠Written, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon #ohsister

Today I dial into the concept of the Mormon church’s list of Approved Reading Materials for missionaries, which includes a small “Missionary Reference Library” and not much else. With the help of the beloved BITE model, I argue that this is yet another aspect of inappropriate control which led to my unhealthy personal development. This twelfth week’s journal entries include a day of distraction due to a “Ke$ha-style” Mormon kids-bop-style cd, a district meeting with the exciting focus on my favorite topic of the Atonement, and encouraging and receiving the trauma dumping of a random lady in the hopes of converting her to Mormonism. In an exciting turn of events, I even crack open my old set of mission scriptures!-Approved Missionary Reading List:latterdaysaintmissionprep.com-Dr. Steven Hassan’s Bite Model handout:BITE modelSupport me on patreon:Dpatreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

CW: discussion of grooming, and I swear heavily in this episodeAfter weeks of holding it in, I can no longer keep myself from “dropping the f bomb” as I share a deeply formative priesthood blessing experience from my freshman year at BYU. I do a deep dive into the ramifications of power dynamics built into the church’s male-exclusive priesthood structure, explaining how much it messed up my own capacity for clear thought and judgment, among other things. Of course, my journal entries this week also include priesthood blessings for different people we were in teaching, as well as a firm denouncement of the Catholic church building as creepy (I know, I know) and a sudden move to a new town.Support me on patreon:Dpatreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

CW: discussion of sex, mention of r*pe cultureToday I begin to dive into the strange world of Mormon sexual repression and control, with a discussion on Spencer Kimball’s infamous talk “Lock Your Heart.” My journal entries from week ten include even more worries about gaining weight, a micro-aggression around race and music, and the celebration of finding a place to “do service” as a missionary.Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.-Check out the whole Lock Your Heart talk: Lock Your HeartMusic credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

I begin by connecting cult “mind control” techniques with the Mormon practice of thought stopping through music, along with the idea that one can use holy music to “keep out the devil.” (“Just hum your favorite hymn, sing out with vigor and vim...”)  My journal entries from week nine include the celebration of a Sister Missionary’s 21st birthday, the misunderstanding that dealing with my symptoms of ADHD resulted in a “miracle,” and being taken down a peg by a self-righteous member missionary we had “abandoned.”Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.-check out Dr. Hassan’s pdf on undue influence (thought control): BITE model-check out the song: "Hum Your Favorite Hymn"Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

Today I’ll cover one of the basic rules of missionary life: what (not) to wear. ; )  My journal entries from week eight include an admission that “missions are a good pressure cooker,” the story of one member’s inter-racial adoption, and my final days with my trainer before she is sent home to be released with honor.-check out Tara Herbert’s podcast:⁠pouty mouth ⁠-check out the YW lesson on marriage:⁠ r/exmormon ⁠-check out a digitized White Handbook:pdfSupport me on patreon:Dpatreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

In line with last week’s discussion of emotional manipulation, today I discuss the cultural idea of changing one’s own internal emotional landscape, as well as the results as I was trying to do it myself. My journal entries include friendly cats acting as evidence of our divine calling, going on my first “exchanges” with my Sister Training Leader, and the painful realization that I’ve never fully confided in anyone.LDS Music Library: "Smiles" https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/music/songs/smiles?lang=engSupport me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

CW: discussion of restricted eatingToday we’re focusing in on the practice of using emotionally manipulative language to manufacture "the Spirit.” In this sixth week, my journal entries include trying to track down a potential investigator at her workplace, dealing with the lack of control over what we ate as missionaries (as well as the pressure  to look a certain way as women), and contemplating gender-appropriate hobbies to pursue in life after my mission.Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

CW:  discussion of overeating I open with a refresher on the rule to always stay within Sight & Sound of your mission companion, as we begin to see the effects of my constant external and internal surveillance. My fifth week begins with a detailed review of meeting notes from my first Quad Zone Conference, a commitment to stop the “habit” of complaining, and a moment of appreciation for the sacrifices Utah Mormons make when they move elsewhere for missionary work.Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

Take a deep breath and pull on your serious boots, things start to get real as I deliver my soapbox on how the mission environment encourages neurotic religious scrupulosity. This week’s journal entries include the strange “love at first sight” experience (aka we were best friends in our past lives and we’ll be best friends forever) that missionaries can have with people they just met, the ups and mostly downs of opening up a new town, and as always, the constant disappointment of inexact obedience.Examples of scrupulosity from https://scrupulosity.com/scrupulosity/ Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

CW: discussion of over-eatingThis episode unpacks my third week as a Sister Missionary. I start by sharing the mythology around and assignment of mission areas, and then we dive into my journal entries from that week.This week's journal entries include going to my first area and meeting my trainer, the attempted transplant of Utah Mormon culture into rural North Dakota, and my first experience of being over-fed for brownie points. Pun intended. ; ) Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

This episode covers the second week of my time as a Sister Missionary. I give context for my time in the MTC (Missionary Training Center), then share my journal entries from that week. Covered topics include important family events that missionaries miss,  the unspoken social beliefs around why a missionary would go home early, & the absolute naive audacity Mormon missionaries have regarding the trauma dumping that happens to people seen as authority figures.Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon

CW: mention of suicideIn this first episode I explain my motivation for publicly sharing my personal journals. After explaining the "Missionary Purpose," I dive into the first week of my Mormon Mission with life in the MTC.Support me on patreon:D patreon.com/AllyChristiansenWritten, read, edited, & produced by Ally Finlinson Christiansen.Music credits:Clown Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/677166/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Church Music by Seth_Makes_Sounds -- https://freesound.org/s/678022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0#sistermissionary #sdrcm #NdbM #postmormon #exmormon