Safely Divergent: Embracing Neurodivergence and Accommodating Our Needs

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor break down something that sounds clinical on paper but feels wildly personal in real life: the biopsychosocial model — aka why your body, brain, and relationships are always messing with each other. If you’ve ever tried to “fix” one area of your life only to feel more off than before, this episode is for you.Using a three-legged stool (and plenty of real-life examples), they explore how biological, psychological, and social factors are constantly braided together in our nervous systems. From hyper-focusing on food, sleep, or exercise, to getting stuck in shame spirals or people-pleasing your way into exhaustion, Kirstie and Eleanor get honest about how easy it is for one “leg” to take over — and what happens when the others get ignored.Through personal stories, gentle call-outs, and very relatable nervous system chaos, they walk through how imbalance shows up day to day and why it’s not a personal failure — it’s physiology. You’ll hear a simple, repeatable framework for noticing which system is running the show, reflecting on what’s being neglected, and making small, doable shifts toward balance (no life overhaul required).Then, in the Scattered segment, Eleanor dives into the surprisingly scientific explanation behind brain freeze — from trigeminal nerves to ice crystal sizes — proving once again that ice cream is never just ice cream.🕒 Timestamps00:40 – What the biopsychosocial model actually means03:45 – The three-legged stool: biology, psychology, and social systems06:20 – When the biological system takes over (food, sleep, fitness spirals)11:05 – Psychological overload: shame loops, fixing, and doomscrolling16:55 – Social pressure, masking, and overextending22:10 – Recognize, reflect, rebalance: a simple framework for support29:55 – ❄️ Scattered: Brain freeze, nerves, and ice cream scienceResources & MentionsFollow us on Instagram: ⁠@safelydivergent⁠Read the blog: ⁠safelydivergent.com⁠Cover art: Honor HeindelMusic by: Obey Grey

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor get wildly honest about something that might sound silly until you realize… oh wait, that’s me too. We’re talking about empathy for inanimate objects. From childhood stuffed animals that needed tornado evacuation plans, to shampoo bottles that got equal turns in the shower, to sweaters that can’t be left behind at the store — this one hits right in the feels.They dig into what psychologists call object personification (and the slightly fancier anthropomorphism) and why autistic and neurodivergent folks often experience it more strongly. Through a polyvagal and self-regulation lens, objects can offer predictability, safety, and comfort in ways people sometimes can’t. But that same tenderness can make decluttering or letting go of items feel like heartbreak.Alongside personal confessions, listener-style stories, and a detour into Brave Little Toaster nostalgia, Kirstie and Eleanor explore both the beauty and the weight of carrying empathy this deep. You’ll hear practical suggestions for navigating the “too much” moments, including rituals for letting go, checking your headspace before decluttering, and calling in trusted people who validate instead of logic you out of your feelings.Then, in the Scattered segment, Eleanor pulls back the curtain on the surprising origins of the balloon arch — from Cher’s Malibu tennis court to today’s Instagram-worthy party decor empire. It is as delightfully random as it sounds.🕒 Timestamps00:20 – Object personification: what it is & why it happens03:20 – Polyvagal safety, self-regulation, and empathy overload06:30 – Childhood stories, rocks, shampoo bottles & stuffed animals galore12:00 – Adult life: clothes, jars, lotions & decision fatigue18:15 – Community confessions: Reddit threads & Brave Little Toaster love22:00 – Tools for decluttering without shame (rituals, reminders, safe people)25:35 – 🎈 Scattered: The strange history of balloon archesResources & MentionsFollow us on Instagram: ⁠@safelydivergent⁠Read the blog: ⁠safelydivergent.com⁠Cover art: Honor HeindelMusic by: Obey Grey

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor trade their summer farmer’s market standoffs and couch-glued nights for the practical side of routines: the how. If you’ve ever sworn you’d start a morning workout again “tomorrow,” felt buried under clutter and decision fatigue, or wondered why habit trackers and alarms sometimes feel like lifesavers — this episode is your permission slip to start small.They unpack what it really takes to build sustainable routines: skeleton versions that cut overwhelm, habit stacking that snowballs into natural flow, and visual tools that pull your brain out of junk-drawer chaos. From Sunday Scaries to skincare shortcuts to writing three priorities instead of thirty, you’ll hear personal wins, flops, and the accommodations that actually work for a neurodivergent brain.And because life is never perfect, Kirstie and Eleanor dig into flexibility, fallback plans, and why asking “why not?” with soft eyes matters more than perfection. Think of it as a survival kit for routines: start tiny, reduce the barriers, and let consistency (not rigidity) do the heavy lifting.Then, in the Scattered segment, Eleanor dives headfirst into the bizarre saga of Colombia’s “cocaine hippos” — from Pablo Escobar’s exotic pets to invasive river dwellers threatening manatees and fishermen alike. Along the way, you’ll learn pink hippo sweat facts, whether hippos can actually swim, and why you should never, ever try to castrate one.🕒 Timestamps00:20 – Starting small & skeleton routines06:00 – Habit stacking, visual tools & lowering barriers15:30 – Reminders, rewards & keeping motivation alive25:40 – Flexibility, soft fallbacks & progress over perfection31:50 – 🌊 Scattered: Cocaine hippos & hippo triviaResources & MentionsFollow us on Instagram: ⁠@safelydivergent⁠Read the blog: ⁠safelydivergent.com⁠Cover art: Honor HeindelMusic by: Obey Grey

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor swap their summer detours and crispy-dry skin confessions for a much-needed conversation about routines. If you’ve ever spiraled into “analysis paralysis” over dinner choices, found yourself craving sameness while also rebelling against monotony, or wondered why summer break leaves you both free and fried — this one’s for you.They dig into what routines really are (hint: not rigid schedules or color-coded calendars) and why predictability is a nervous system signal of safety. From decision fatigue to sensory overload, routines act like buffers that conserve energy, reduce overwhelm, and give your brain more space for connection. You’ll hear real-life stories (egg sandwiches, Costco hauls, and Eleanor’s lotion saga) alongside practical insights into how routines support executive functioning, sensory regulation, and energy management.But it’s not all rigidity: Kirstie and Eleanor unpack the pros and cons of unstructured time, novelty, and travel — and why flexible routines are the key to building consistency without getting stuck. Think of it as the “what” and “why” of routines, with part two diving into the “how.”Then, in the Scattered segment, Eleanor takes us on a surprising detour into petrichor (the smell of rain), divisive smells (gasoline lovers unite!), and why your nose might be more sensitive than a shark’s.🕒 Timestamps: 00:19 – Why the podcast took a pause & summer threw off routines 02:00 – What routines really mean (beyond calendars) 02:57 – Routines as nervous system safety signals 03:47 – Executive functioning, decision fatigue & “analysis paralysis” 06:05 – Sensory regulation, energy allotment & lotion confessions 08:43 – The craving for sameness vs. ADHD novelty needs 10:31 – School-year structure & seasonal disruption 12:32 – Vacations, holidays & pros/cons of unstructured time 14:51 – Why flexibility matters more than rigidity 16:09 – Wrapping part one & setting up next week’s “how-to” 16:30 – 🌧️ Scattered: Petrichor, nostalgia, and divisive smellsResources & Mentions:Follow us on Instagram: @safelydivergentRead the blog: safelydivergent.comCover art: Honor HeindelMusic by: Obey Grey

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor swap gym drama and snappy comebacks for a deeper dive into the not-so-obvious ways our nervous systems respond to life: the polyvagal ladder. Ever spaced out mid-conversation? Snapped on your partner and instantly regretted it? Or found yourself calmly people-pleasing while your insides scream? That’s not a personality flaw—it’s your body’s built-in survival system at work.They walk through the three core states—ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal—and unpack how those states shape your reactions, relationships, and even your ability to sit quietly in a room with someone (hi, vulnerability!). You’ll learn what it feels like to be in each state, why blended states matter, and how understanding the nervous system shifts the question from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s happening in my body right now?”From freeze mode to flexibility, this episode unpacks real-life examples, nerdy metaphors, and why regulation doesn’t mean “calm forever”—it means learning how to move between states without getting stuck.Then, in the Scattered segment, Eleanor claws her way through the surprisingly bougie journey of lobster—from “cockroach of the sea” to martini garnish.🕒 Timestamps:00:01 – When reactions feel “off” & why it’s not about being rude or lazy05:00 – Intro to Polyvagal Theory and the 3 nervous system states08:00 – Ventral Vagal: Calm, connected, and emotionally flexible10:15 – Sympathetic: Activated, reactive, and wired for action12:30 – Dorsal Vagal: Shut down, spaced out, or frozen15:10 – Blended states & the magic of stillness without shutdown17:30 – The plant metaphor that makes it all click 🌱20:00 – Reflection prompts for listeners & nervous system check-ins21:53 – 🦞 The wild rise of lobster from prison slop to luxury dinnerResources & Mentions:Follow us on Instagram: @safelydivergentRead the blog: safelydivergent.comCover art: Honor HeindelMusic by: Obey Grey

This week on Safely Divergent, we’re talking about one of our favorite ways to explain burnout, energy crashes, and why getting dressed sometimes feels like climbing Everest: Spoon Theory.Originally created by Christine Miserandino to describe life with chronic illness, this metaphor has become a lifeline for neurodivergent folks, especially when the world expects us to just “push through.” We share how this concept shows up in our day-to-day—from shower math to scrambled breakfast chaos—and how it’s helped us communicate needs without guilt, advocate for rest without shame, and stop equating worth with productivity.And in true Safely Divergent fashion, we wrap it all up with a serotonin boost featuring chirping crickets, surprise science, and an unexpected protein source.🕒 Timestamps:00:01 – Spoon Theory 101 & why it’s not just about energy03:00 – When showering costs 3 spoons and breakfast breaks the bank06:00 – How “I’m low on spoons” helps us communicate (and avoid conflict)12:30 – Crickets as thermometers, delicacies, and little science legends🔗 Resources & Mentions:Christine Miserandino’s Original Spoon Theory EssayFollow us on Instagram: @safelydivergentBlog & resources: safelydivergent.comCover art: Honor HeindelMusic by: Obey Grey

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor trade last week’s meltdown tales for a quieter—but no less intense—survival strategy: shutdown. What does it actually mean when your brain goes blank, your body stills, and suddenly you’re horizontal on the couch thinking about everything and doing… absolutely nothing?They explore the neuroscience behind the freeze response, from Sue Johnson’s "demon dialogues" to the very real physiological signs of dissociation. You’ll hear how shutdowns differ from meltdowns, why they’re often misunderstood as laziness or disinterest, and how to spot one in yourself (or a loved one) before spiraling into guilt or confusion.The episode gets candid about how shutdowns show up in relationships, what recovery actually takes (hint: margaritas may be involved), and why reframing shutdown as a protective response is the first step toward repair.Then, in a serotonin-sparking left turn, Eleanor takes us on a wild, gas-powered float down sloth fact lane—including poop dances, surprise swimming skills, and the real danger they face today. 🕒 Timestamps: 00:01 – What shutdown feels like inside & why your brain goes blank / 06:00 – The fight/flight vs freeze dynamic in relationships / 11:00 – Misreading shutdowns: Lazy? Disinterested? Or just overwhelmed? / 16:00 – Gentle recovery strategies & how not to trigger a second shutdown / 24:00 – 🦥 Sloths, poop rituals, and gassy swimming champions of the jungle / Resources & Mentions: Follow us on Instagram: @safelydivergent / Read the blog: safelydivergent.com / Cover art: Honor Heindel /Music by: Obey Grey

In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor get personal about what it’s really like to hit your limit—and what happens when your nervous system says “nope” in the form of a meltdown. From the infamous egg incident to navigating hormone storms, they break down how and why meltdowns happen, and why they’re not something to fear.You’ll hear about the internal symptoms and external signs of a meltdown, why logic and language go offline when stress maxes out, and how to create safer recovery—whether you're supporting yourself or someone else.They also share practical (and judgment-free) ways to reduce overwhelm in the moment, offer space without abandoning, and how to support without escalation.And yes—this all wraps up with wrinkly fingers, bathtub debates, and a twinkle-twinkle singalong gone slightly off-key.🕒 Timestamps00:16 – Why this week’s all about meltdowns (hint: we’re in it) / 02:00 – The egg incident: tiny thing, big nervous system signal / 04:30 – What a meltdown actually is (spoiler: not attention-seeking) / 06:45 – What it looks like on the outside vs. what it feels like inside / 10:00 – Why “calm down” doesn’t help, and what to say instead / 13:00 – Accommodations, support, and the power of planned space / 17:00 – Gentle co-regulation and what not to do mid-meltdown / 20:00 – SCATTERED: The science of wrinkly fingers + awkward hot tub chats / 29:00 – Would you rather: lukewarm tub or stranger soup?Resources & Mentions/ Follow us on Instagram → @safelydivergent/ Read the blog → safelydivergent.com/ Cover Art: Honor Heindel/ Music by: Obey Grey

Feeling Stuck? You Might Be in a Stress Cycle and Not Even Know It! In this episode of Safely Divergent, Eleanor and Kirstie take you behind the scenes of a real-time stress cycle—because, yep, they’re living it. Instead of slapping on a productivity hack or pretending everything’s fine, they break down what stress actually is (spoiler: it’s not just a feeling), and how it builds up when multiple domains—biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial—start stacking on top of each other.They get honest about everything from cortisol wakeups and dino nugget dinners to skipping small talk in elevators and redefining what a “win” looks like. You’ll learn how to spot a stress cycle before it spirals, why your empathy might vanish when you're maxed out, and how giving yourself accommodations is actually a sign of regulation—not failure.Plus, they close things out with a serotonin-sparking deep dive into... the history of the high five. 🕒 Timestamps00:01 – What stress really means & how it builds in the body / 06:00 – How emotional overload turns into a full-body shutdown / 13:30 – Spotting the signs (and shifting the self-talk) / 16:00 – Recovery in real life: pizza, naps, and not forcing social energy / 20:45 – 🖐️ Let’s get scattered: the surprisingly recent invention of the high fiveResources & Mentions:Follow us on Instagram @safelydivergentRead the blog: safelydivergent.comCover art: Honor HeindelMusic by Obey Grey

If you’ve ever had a “just take a shower” moment spiral into a full blown breakdown… this one’s for you. In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor dig into the very real reasons hygiene can feel like an uphill battle—especially for neurodivergent folks.They unpack a listener’s heartfelt question about parenting around hygiene resistance, and get honest about their own experiences (including the infamous travel shampoo bottle that lasted three months). You’ll hear why hygiene is often less about willpower and more about sensory processing, executive functioning, emotional state, and past experiences—and how to make room for validation, accommodations, and self-compassion.And yes, they manage to tie it all together with a delightfully unhinged history of toothpaste. Spoiler: people used to brush their teeth with bones, bricks, and… urine?🕒 Timestamps00:01 – Grounding, iced coffee, and what makes hygiene so complicated / 3:00 – A listener letter and why neurodivergent hygiene isn’t just about motivation / 07:00 – Sensory, executive function, emotional overwhelm & social pressure / 22:30 – Validation, building your “why,” and making small sustainable shifts / 26:40 – ⚡ Scattered corner: A truly cursed history of toothpasteResources & Mentions:Follow us on Instagram @safelydivergentRead the blog: safelydivergent.comCover art: Honor HeindelMusic by Obey Grey

What if success wasn’t just about showing up—but actually feeling good while doing it?In this episode of Safely Divergent, Kirstie and Eleanor break down the massive shift from deficit-based models (like the medical model) to strength-based approaches rooted in the neurodiversity paradigm. They get personal about what it actually feels like to mask your needs just to meet made-up "normal" standards—and how it drains our nervous systems.You'll hear real-life examples of goal-writing gone wrong, why “normal” is a myth, and how accommodations can make the difference between surviving and thriving. Plus, they introduce the Neurodiversity Wheel as a visual tool to better understand your own strengths and support needs.The second half gets delightfully scattered (as always) with a deep dive into time zones, daylight savings myths, and the utter chaos of living on a state border.🕒 Timestamp:00:01 – Viral iced coffee & today’s topic: strength-based support01:25 – The problem with deficit-based thinking (aka the “what’s wrong?” model)06:00 – Cognitive inflexibility example & goal-setting cringe10:00 – What strength-based support actually looks like14:00 – Intro to the Neurodiversity Wheel & how to use it16:00 – Let’s get scattered: Time zones, myths & why the sun might not rise 'til 10amResources & Mentions:Follow us on Instagram @safelydivergentRead the blog: ⁠safelydivergent.com⁠Cover art: Honor HeindelMusic by Obey Grey

Do crossed arms mean you’re closed off? Can a resting face cause social chaos? And how close is too close when someone’s talking to you?This week, we’re decoding nonverbal communication—body language, tone of voice, and proximity—and why your nervous system might be screaming even when no one’s said a word. Plus, Eleanor drops some bed bug facts that Kirstie definitely didn’t ask for.Timestamps:01:00 – What is nonverbal communication & why it matters03:26 – Body language: posture, movement, facial expressions15:56 – Tone of voice: how we say things vs. what we say20:40 – Proximity: personal space, cultural norms, and social comfort26:02 – Scattered Brain: Would You Rather (bed bug edition)Resources & Mentions:Follow us on Instagram @safelydivergentRead the blog: safelydivergent.comCover art: Honor HeindelMusic by Obey Grey

Join us in this episode of Safely Divergent as we break down the concept of executive functioning and explore how it shapes our daily lives. Whether you're managing tasks at work, navigating social situations, or simply trying to stay organized, executive functioning is at the core of it all.We'll dive into six key categories of executive functioning:~Inhibition Control~Working Memory~Cognitive Flexibility~Planning/Organization~Self-Monitoring~ActivationThroughout the episode, we’ll share personal stories and offer practical strategies to help you manage and improve these areas. Understanding executive functioning can be a game-changer for both your personal and professional life, and we’ll highlight how it affects everything from decision-making to emotional regulation.Tune in for insights that could help you thrive in all aspects of life!

You know that moment when the room’s too bright, your shirt feels wrong, and someone dares to talk to you before caffeine? Yeah, that’s not a personality flaw—that’s stress. This week, we’re diving into what’s really draining us (spoiler: it’s not always what you think) with help from the Self-Reg framework by Dr. Stuart Shanker.Timestamps:00:00 – Intro silliness and fake-out ending00:34 – Real intro: Welcome back to Safely Divergent!01:12 – Who is Dr. Stuart Shanker and what is Self-Reg?02:40 – What is stress actually? It’s not just “feeling overwhelmed.”05:00 – Explaining the 5 domains of stress06:55 – Biological domain: sensory, nutrition, sleep, and movement09:45 – Emotional domain: recognizing and recovering from emotions12:20 – Cognitive domain: mental load, executive functioning15:05 – Social domain: the pressure of people-ing18:10 – Prosocial domain: empathy fatigue and “being the helper” stress20:35 – Real-life examples of subtle stress24:50 – Why naming stressors changes everything27:00 – How Self-Reg helps us pause judgment and get curious30:15 – Wrap-up, quotes, and one last shoutout to Dr. ShankerResources & Mentions:Stuart Shanker’s Self-Reg websiteDr. Shanker’s book: Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with LifeFollow us on Instagram @safelydivergent

Join us as we unravel the complexities of sensory overwhelm. We start by defining it as the brain receiving more sensory input than it can process, leading to stress, anxiety, and disorientation. Through personal anecdotes, we illustrate the everyday challenges of living in a sensory-rich world. The constant bombardment of stimuli often leaves us craving moments of quiet to recharge. Together, we explore the many ways we navigate this overstimulating environment. We dive deep into sensory processing, unpacking the difference between hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity. You'll learn about the 8 senses — the five we’ve known since childhood (sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing), and the three internal senses: interoception, proprioception, and the vestibular system. Understanding our sensory differences is the first step in accommodating our differing needs. Finally, we take a lighter turn with an exploration of the salad dressing market, touching on the rich history and modern-day popularity of packaged dressings, with a nod to ranch dressing's beloved status in the United States.

Welcome back to Safely Divergent!In this episode, we dive into the powerful concepts of internal vs external safety, and how our nervous system respond to perceived threats. The conversation explores how things like visible security measures, while intended to make us feel safe, can sometimes have the complete opposite effect. Pulling from Dr. Stephen Porges' groundbreaking work, we discuss how our culture tends to prioritize thoughts over feelings, often overlooking the signals our bodies send us. We focus on the importance of creating spaces that nurture true security.This leads us into a fascinating discussion about neuroception, the body’s innate ability to sense safety or threat, often without our conscious awareness. From there, we explore the intricacies of stress responses and how our brains are wired for survival. You’ll learn how neuroception shapes our reactions to different stimuli, influencing how we assess danger and respond emotionally. We talk about how stress shows up in different ways—whether as fight, flight, or freeze—and how these reactions affect not just our behavior but our relationships and communication. Through personal stories and expert insights, we offer practical strategies for recognizing and managing stress, and how to develop healthier coping mechanisms that improve both our inner well-being and our interactions with others.

this episode dives into what it means to be "safely divergent”—a space where authenticity and meeting your unique needs take center stage. we get real about the process of owning our differences.we explore neurodiversity, busting myths around labels, and stressing the importance of personal, tailored support. oh, and an unexpected detour into the world of pigeons—once majestic, now misunderstood. whether it's the brain or birds, we’re all about fostering self-love and connection.join us as we embrace the freedom of becoming safely divergent!