The Colors of Failure: Finding Meaning in Life's Struggles

Hey friends,The Florida skies are throwing tantrums again. They have a talent for hijacking our plans, in the same way stress and shame hijacks our nervous system. In this week’s episode, Ashley and I unpack why some of us dive under the covers when it storms, while others grab their boots and splash outside. Along the way we weave in clinical insights (defensive pessimism, learned helplessness, DBT’s opposite-to-emotion action skill) and a few personal stories, including one about the thunderstorm on our wedding day that still makes us smile.🌦️ Today’s episode in Three Sweeps• When clouds roll in → why shame spirals hijack the forecast.• Finding traction → growth mindset, micro-courage, phone-a-friend.• Choosing your weather → radical acceptance + the crowd you keep.Here’s something to reflect on today: Acting in a way that is contrary to how you feel doesn’t mean faking a smile, it’s refusing to let the clouds write the forecast.~ Ashley & AlexFound a little sunshine in today’s storm? Upgrade to paid and help us keep the clouds conversational, not catastrophic.This podcast is for informational and storytelling purposes only and does not constitute a therapeutic relationship or professional mental health advice.If you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology Group Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever caught yourself saying "yes" to something — even when your gut is screaming "no"?Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how easy it is to go along — not because we believe it, but because it keeps the peace.It reminded me of a song from the punk band NOFX. Here are the lyrics:Breathe, ever so soft We wouldn't wanna break the eggs as we walk Never alone, cautious, afraid I hear the voice of reason on the P.A - NOFXYou may or may not know the band NOFX. They were a punk rock group out of Los Angeles. In their 41 year career, they had a lot of great songs. However, this song comes to mind when I think about this week’s podcast episode. NOFX’s Leave it Alone has this tension I’ve been thinking about — the push and pull between conformity and autonomy. It makes me ask the question: when do I speak up, and when do I just... leave it alone?If this conversation made you pause — if it helped you notice the quiet ways we conform — consider becoming a paid subscriber. Independent voices don’t run on algorithms. They run on people like you.No, we’re not breaking down NOFX in our episode this week. But it’s easy to find parallels between punk rock music - notorious for challenging the norms - and what we talk about this week: issues of authority, conformity and obedience. In this episode, we unpack how authority shapes our critical thinking - and why we can be so quick to conform even when it’s against our morals or values. We discuss a few well known psychological studies (you might remember them from Psych 101), that help us to understand these topics, and share a listener story that got us thinking. We’d love to hear from you :* Have you ever gone along with something just to avoid conflict or even if it felt wrong?* Or caught yourself shutting down your own voice because of authority?* Or looked back later and thought: "Why didn’t I say something?”Chime in our chat or comment on the podcast. Let’s get the discussion started!~ Ashley & AlexThis podcast is for informational and storytelling purposes only and does not constitute a therapeutic relationship or professional mental health advice.If you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupKeywords: authority; conformity; mental health; autonomy; emotion regulation; critical thinking Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

Good morning, Substack!I sat down with Dr. William Mescall, a clinical psychologist who leads a mental health unit at a jail. We discussed his views on failure, the systemic and environmental factors that lead to incarceration, and how poverty traps those without wealth in cycles that harm both mental health and opportunity.This was a powerful and eye-opening conversation. While incarceration is often framed purely in terms of crime and punishment, Dr. Mescall helps us see the deeper, more human stories—many shaped by survival rather than malice.Join us as we unpack the failures behind incarceration—not just personal ones, but societal ones that impact all of us. If this resonates with you, or know someone who would benefit from this conversation, please share it!~AlexHere is more about Dr. William Mescall:William Mescall is a Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Mental Health at a jail in Indiana. The jail includes a specialized mental health unit which holds approximately 50 inmates with serious and debilitating mental illnesses, and an additional 200 inmates with a diagnosed mental illness in the general population. Dr. Mescall has also worked in inpatient psychiatric hospitals, outpatient clinics, adolescent residential facilities, and community mental health centers. His primary academic interests include the relationship between wealth inequality and mental illness, the reduction of criminal recidivism among mentally ill citizens, and a critical analysis of the use of antidepressant medications.This podcast is for informational and storytelling purposes only and does not constitute a therapeutic relationship or professional mental health advice.If you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupKeywords: psychology; mental health; crime; social justice; criminal justice; poverty Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

Grab a large cup ☕, today’s coffee break is a bit longer! On the way home from a recent breakfast, Ashley witnessed a car accident. It got her thinking about psychological research about how we respond to different stressful situations and decisions in our lives. In this coffee break, we break down the role fear plays in our decision making. We cover the how the bystander effect can lead us to seek solutions that minimize worry or fear of being judged. We also address how fear of judgment can dictate our choices in life. 🎧Listen to the end, Ashley shares three tactics we can use to challenge these fears. ~Alex & AshleySpeaking of coffee, by becoming a paid member, we can keep bringing you these coffee break discussions.This podcast is for informational and storytelling purposes only and does not constitute a therapeutic relationship or professional mental health advice.If you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupKeywords: bystander effect; psychology; mental health; resilience; fear; judgment; self-image; worry; anxiety Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

Happy Friday Everyone! To get the weekend started, Ashley and I discuss the topic of self-doubt. Grab a cup—we're breaking down a big idea in 10 minutes or less.It’s a frequent topic in therapy, and we wanted to do a deep dive on it for our last ☕coffee break of the week. In researching this topic, I learned some new things - but I encourage you listen the whole way through, as I talk about three things you can do to help improve your resiliency in the face of self-doubt. We’d love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Do you struggle with self-doubt? What sorts of ways do you deal with it? What’s been effective? What hasn’t been? Send us your thoughts and get the discussion started!Have a great weekend!~Alex & AshleySpeaking of coffee, by becoming a paid member, we can keep bringing you these coffee break discussions. This podcast is for informational and storytelling purposes only and does not constitute a therapeutic relationship or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupKeywords: self-doubt, resilience, memory, self-esteem, mental health, psychology, failure, self-handicapping, overachieving, perfectionism Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

On Monday, The Atlantic published a major article about national security leaders using Signal to communicate about war plans. The author, Jeffrey Goldberg, was somehow added to this high-level group chat. He wrote, “What I will say, in order to illustrate the shocking recklessness of this Signal conversation, is that the Hegseth post contained operational details of forthcoming strikes on Yemen, including information about targets, weapons the U.S. would be deploying, and attack sequencing.”This raises a deeply interesting psychological question: Why do people break rules, even when the consequences are serious?In today’s Coffee Break, Ashley and I dig into the psychology of how rule breaking and entitlement can be related—including a study on why some people refuse to follow instructions, even when doing so is easy and beneficial. What leads some people to resist rules and precedent? And how can understanding this help us in our daily lives?☕ Grab a cup—we're breaking down a big idea in 10 minutes or less.~ Ashley & AlexIf you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupKeywords: breaking rules, entitlement, mindset, why people break rules, perception, Atlantic, decision-making, authority, review of the news Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

We’re doing something new here at The Colors of Failure - coffee breaks! Coffee has been a staple for us throughout the years. We wanted to use our short breaks between sessions and work to break down some of the topics we discuss in our longer podcast episodes. So, break out your favorite beans, we hope you join us with your own cup of coffee as we dive in!Today we are discussing automaticity, which in short, is is our ability to do things (e.g. drive, sew, run, etc…) without needing to focus our mind with low-level details, which then allows an automatic response or habit to form. While efficient and purposeful, automaticity can lead us to “go through the motions”, to not be present for important life events, and to act without thinking!We invite you to grab your ☕coffee and sit with us as we break down this important cognitive process.~ Ashley & AlexIf you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupKeywords: coffee break, automaticity, cognitive bias, mindfulness, mental health, psychology, cognitive processing Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever been convinced you remembered something perfectly, only to find out you had it completely wrong? Or maybe you’ve fallen for a viral fact online—only to later learn it was completely false? The way we perceive the world isn't always as accurate as we might think, and in this episode, we’re diving into the surprising ways our attention, perception, and memory can be manipulated.In today’s episode, we discuss:🔍 The Power of Perception – Why two people can experience the same event and remember it completely differently.🧠 Cognitive Biases & Misinformation – How our perceptions can make us susceptible to false beliefs.🎭 The Magic of Attention Control – What magicians, scammers, and even social media algorithms know about manipulating your focus.❓ Fact vs. Fiction – How do we actually determine what’s true in a world filled with misinformation?Why It Matters:From anxiety to false memories to the way we interpret failure, our perception shapes how we experience the world. By understanding how these processes work, we can become more aware of the ways we might be misled—and how to think more critically about the information we consume.Join us as we delve into this important topic!~ Ashley & AlexIf you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupKeywords: Perception and reality, Cognitive biases, False memories, Misinformation psychology, Critical thinking skills, How attention shapes perception, The science of memory, Psychology of misinformation, Anxiety, Mental Health Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever had a great idea in your mind, but when you try to communicate it….it just falls flat? That was us this week. This podcast episode began with a failure—an entire recording session lost to the void🕳️. We’re not going to hide it. Leaning into our failure, we decided to approach this podcast as a live experiment in the tangled emotions of shame and guilt.🔍 In this episode, we explore:* The fine line between healthy shamelessness and reckless disregard* Why shame is a social construct—and how cultures shape our experience of it* Guilt as a learning tool vs. shame as an identity wound* How McCarthyism, Batman, and even Elon Musk’s take on empathy reveal society’s conflicting views on shame and shamelessness****Content warning: I do mention research involving suicide at the end of the episode.**** If you haven’t listened to our last episode, it is a good idea to listen to it before this oneAs well, Ashley wrote a greater primer on shame that I encourage you check outIf you've ever questioned how to move beyond shame without losing accountability or connection, this one's for you. Shame and shamelessness shape our world more than we realize—especially in the hands of those in power. But where do we draw the line between accountability and reckless disregard? And is empathy truly at risk?🎧 As we talk about failure, guilt, and the ‘empathy exploit,’ consider your perspectives on empathy. We want to hear from you! Join the conversation: Do you think empathy is a strength—or a weakness? Drop a comment or reply—We want to hear your take.If you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupThank you for reading!~ Ashley & AlexKeywords: shame, guilt, failure, empathy, social constructs, mental health, vulnerability, accountability, cultural perspectives, moral dilemmas, individualism, collectivism, ethical decision-making, human connection, societal values, psychological insights, moral development Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

🎙 New Podcast Episode - Dr. Paul Losoff on Failure, Reinvention & Letting Go💡 What happens when you realize the dream you’ve poured 15 years into is no longer working?In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Paul Losoff, a former professional musician turned psychologist, to explore the complexities of failure, reinvention, and personal growth. From college to the end of a music career, Paul shares how letting go of an identity he built for over a decade led to an unexpected new path.In this episode, we explore:* How failure can shape our perspective on resilience* The quiet signs of burnout and knowing when to let go* The lessons music taught Dr. Losoff about failure, confidence, and perseverance* The ways his past influences his work as a psychologist today* Why failure isn’t an ending—it’s an opening to something newThis is a conversation about change, identity, and the courage it takes to rewrite your own story.I hope you enjoy this podcast episode!If this conversation resonated with you—if you’ve ever struggled with failure, reinvention, or finding your next step—consider supporting this podcast. Your contributions help us continue sharing these important stories, destigmatizing failure, and fostering resilience. Every little bit goes a long way in keeping this space open for honest, real conversations.More about Dr. Paul Losoff,With over 15 years of clinical experience, Dr. Losoff specializes in treating adults facing depression, anxiety, ADHD, career burnout, self-esteem challenges, and relationship dynamics. He earned his doctorate from the Illinois School of Professional Psychology in 2013 and has worked extensively in crisis intervention, clinical training, and therapy supervision. In 2023, he founded Bedrock Psychology Group, offering in-person and telehealth therapy across multiple states. You can find out more about his practice here.But before psychology, Dr. Losoff spent 15 years as a professional guitarist, earning a bachelor’s degree in Music Performance from Columbia College. His career spanned rock bands, classical performances, studio recording, and teaching—until his deep interest in the “science and art” of therapy led him to exchange his guitar for a therapist’s chair. Today, he’s rediscovered his love for guitar, playing in a local “dad band.” Paul’s music can be found on Spotify.If you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested counseling and are located in Illinois, please check out Dr. Losoff’s website here.~ Alex #failure #psychology #personalgrowth #music #parenting #mentalhealth #resilience #confidence #supportsystems #therapy Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

We live in an era where division feels like the default—where social media algorithms feed our outrage, politics push us further apart, and judgment is quicker than understanding. What if the key to changing all of this wasn’t more debate, more arguments, or more “gotcha” moments—and instead something simpler? In this episode, we dive into einfühlung, the original concept of empathy, and explore how our brains are wired for connection—and how this wiring can help us grow closer together or draw us father apart. We break down the neuroscience of empathy, the role of mirror neurons, and why exposure to hate speech literally reshapes how we perceive and respond to others.Through this conversation, we unpack how judgment acts as a shortcut that keeps us from truly seeing people, how in-group and out-group thinking fuels division, and why fostering empathy isn’t just about kindness—it’s about survival. We also discuss how recognizing our own biases, practicing curiosity, and embracing discomfort can be the first steps toward healing the fractures in our communities. If you’ve ever wondered why the world feels so disconnected—and what can be done about it—this episode is for you. From Alex: Hey everyone, I want to apologize in advance. Unfortunately, our mics were too close together, and so my record quality was not great. We’ll get this fixed for next time! 💬 What’s your take? Drop a comment and let us know—have you ever experienced a moment where empathy changed your perspective? Have you ever found it hard to empathize with someone? What effect did that have on you and on the relationship?~Alex & AshleyIf you are in crisis or need immediate support and are in the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text 'HOME' to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. If you are outside the U.S., please seek out local crisis services.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupThank you for reading!🌍 #HumanConnection #SocialChange #BetterTogether #BridgeTheDivide #Compassion #HealingOurWorld 💬 #LetsTalk #JoinTheConversation #WhatDoYouThink #ChangeStartsWithUsBeat Provided By https://freebeats.ioProduced By White Hot Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

Did you know that embracing failure as a learning opportunity can significantly enhance your psychological resilience?Why do some people bounce back from failure while others struggle to move forward? In this episode, we dive deep into the psychology of resilience—what it really means, how it's shaped by both genetics and environment, and why learning to navigate failure is key to personal growth. We explore how emotional regulation, social connections, and adaptive skills play a role in building resilience. Plus, we break down the American Psychological Association's definition of resilience and discuss practical ways to strengthen it in our daily lives.Join us as we uncover how embracing setbacks can lead to deeper growth and a stronger sense of self.The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.✨ Love what you’re hearing? Join the movement!By becoming a paid subscriber, you’ll help us continue sharing raw, meaningful stories that redefine failure and inspire resilience. By joining as a member, you will support our work toward developing and producing exclusive content, including extended interviews, behind-the-scenes insights, and bonus episodes designed to deepen the conversation.👉 Sign up today and be part of a community that celebrates the building of resilience through struggles. Together, let’s change our relationship with failure!If you or anyone is need of immediate support, please give them the National Suicide Hotline number: 988 You can call or text that number.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupThank you for listening!AlexBeat Provided By https://freebeats.ioProduced By White Hot Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of The Colors of Failure, I sat down with Miles Louis Dante, a competitive triathlete and endurance athlete, to explore how failure has shaped his resilience as an athlete, husband, and parent. Together, we dive into his experiences rowing in high school and college, as well as his transformative journey in triathlons. Miles shares his raw and honest reflections on setbacks, self-doubt, and perseverance. From falling short of expectations to not finishing a race, he reveals how these moments became stepping stones for growth. We discuss how anger and discipline fueled his progress, and why reframing failure is key to building mental toughness. You can find Miles here on Instagram! I encourage you to check him out and give him a follow! If you want to help get rid of pediatric cancer, consider making a donation to Team Brightside.Whether you're an athlete, a professional, or someone navigating your own challenges, listening to Miles’ story will give you insights and inspiration for building resilience through your setbacks. Join us for a conversation about embracing struggles and finding strength in the journey.✨ Love what you’re hearing? Join the movement!By becoming a paid subscriber, you’ll help us continue sharing raw, meaningful stories like Miles’ that redefine failure and inspire resilience. By joining as a member, you will support our work toward developing and producing exclusive content, including extended interviews, behind-the-scenes insights, and bonus episodes designed to deepen the conversation.👉 Sign up today and be part of a community that celebrates the building of resilience through struggles. Together, let’s change our relationship with failure!If you or anyone is need of immediate support, please give them the National Suicide Hotline number: 988 You can call or text that number.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, Gainesville Psychology GroupThank you for listening!AlexBeat Provided By https://freebeats.ioProduced By White Hot Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, Ashley and I dive into analysis paralysis—what it is, how it happens, and how our emotions play a key role in keeping us stuck. We also unpack the different meanings of change, from being passive to taking active control, and discuss how strong emotions can sometimes cloud our understanding of our values. Ashley shares a powerful analogy to help distinguish between emotions and values, offering insights grounded in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). As well, we discuss key therapeutic tools, including diffusion techniques and mindfulness practices like observing, describing, and participating, to help navigate life’s challenges.Whether you’ve felt stuck in decision-making or struggled with navigating life changes due to overwhelming feelings, this episode provides you with actionable tools and new perspectives to help you in times of struggle. We hope you enjoy the podcast! Please, share your thoughts and impressions with us in a direct message or our chat, and if you haven’t already, consider subscribing!If you or anyone is need of immediate support, please give them the National Suicide Hotline number: 988 You can call or text that number.The Colors of Failure: Finding Meaning in Life's Struggles is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, ⁠Gainesville Psychology Group⁠Beat Provided By https://freebeats.ioProduced By White HotThanks for reading The Colors of Failure: Finding Meaning in Life's Struggles! This post is public so feel free to share it. Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever wondered why you respond to failure the way you do? Join us as we explore the role the brain has in your failure response. We also dive into the topic of shame (as well as other emotions) and cognitive distortions. We discuss some approaches to quieting that inner critic through DBT and mindfulness approaches. As well, we discuss the role of meta-cognition as it relates to failure. Enjoy! We hope you enjoy the podcast! Please, share your thoughts and impressions with us in a direct message or our chat, and if you haven’t already, consider subscribing!If you or anyone is need of immediate support, please give them the National Suicide Hotline number: 988 You can call or text that number.The Colors of Failure: Finding Meaning in Life's Struggles is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.If you are interested in coaching or counseling, please feel free to visit our practice, ⁠Gainesville Psychology Group⁠Beat provided by https://freebeats.ioProduced by White Hot Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe

Join us, psychologists Dr. Alex Chin and Dr. Ashley Chin, as we start the conversation on failure. You may ask, why failure? Failure is a universal experience. Although we may identify it as perfectionism, self-doubt, or procrastination, a worry over failure often is underlying. We are given mixed messages about failure. On the one hand, being told failure is a key to success! On the other, we can receive messages from an early age that failure is unacceptable. In this episode, we talk about the role parenting, culture and personality can play in how we relate to or respond to failure.If you are interested in more on failure, please visit my ⁠⁠substack⁠⁠.Music by BensoundArtist: Yunior ArronteLicense code: S3E21RMTQR6PMS26 Get full access to The Colors of Failure: Resilience Through Our Stories at thecolorsoffailure.substack.com/subscribe