The Terrible Creative

Getting good at your craft is supposed to be the goal. But for a lot of us, competence became the cage. This episode is about the feedback loop nobody warns you about: the better you get, the harder it is to leave. And what we build around the good thing to protect it.Also, some honesty about why I called this show "Terrible" that I haven't said out loud before.MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODEBartleby the Scrivener - Herman Melville (1853)The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock - T.S. Eliot (1915)Robert Berglas - Self-Handicapping researchTHE BOOKLessons From a Terrible Photographer is out now. It's part memoir, part field guide, and part honest conversation about what it actually costs to build a creative life. If this episode landed, the book goes deeper.Get it here: https://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Terrible-Photographer-Photography-Probably/dp/B0GRGLYKYS/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0LINKSWebsite: http://terriblephotographer.comSupport the show: https://www.terriblephotographer.com/supportSubscribe to Pub Notes: https://the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fbInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/terriblephotographer/Patrick on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patrickfore/Email Patrick : [email protected] is always open. Questions, thoughts, hate mail. I respond to everything. Link above.The Terrible Creative is written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions. Recorded from my garage in San Diego, California.

Where does creative obsession actually come from? Not how to manufacture it. Not how to find it on a vision board. Where it actually lives. How it grows underground without your permission. And what it sounds like when it finally tries to break through.This episode is the follow up to Episode 61: Obsessed. If you haven't listened to that one yet, start there.This week I go back to a specific moment. Sixteen years old, a Mac G5, a cosmos built from scratch in a high school art room in Freeport Illinois. Two strangers from the Art Institute of Chicago who saw something I didn't. And then the long, complicated story of what happened to that signal when the framework got louder than I did.We also get into David Lynch, Jon Batiste, the 19th century psychology of monomania, and a John Updike line that I think is one of the most honest things ever said about what separates artists from entertainers.Clips used in this episode:David Lynch on his childhood memory that inspired Blue VelvetJon Batiste on being misunderstood his first year at JuilliardWALL-E opening sequenceMusic: OK Go, ObsessionLessons From A Terrible Photographer is available now on Amazon. Get your copy hereWebsite Support the show Subscribe to Pub Notes, the newsletter Terrible Photographer on Instagram Patrick Fore on InstagramEmail: [email protected] written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions. Recorded from my garage in San Diego, California.

What separates a photographer who makes important work from one who just makes good photos? It might not be talent. It might not be gear. It might be something harder to name and harder to fake.This week I walked into an APA Peer-to-Peer Photo Book Critique in San Diego with six copies of my own book, a smug attitude, and some assumptions that didn't survive the first thirty minutes. What I saw that night from two photographers, Michele Zousmer and Andrew Hertel, forced me to sit with a question I keep asking about other people's work but rarely ask about my own.Who is this for? And what drove you to make it?This episode is about obsession. What it looks like when it's real. What it costs. And what it means when you've been swimming in borrowed obsessions long enough that you stop noticing.People and work mentioned in this episode:Michele Zousmer, documentary photographer. Her Irish Travellers project is some of the most honest and important photography I've seen in years. Website: michelezousmer.com Instagram: @michelezousmerphotoAndrew Hertel, fine art nature photographer based in San Diego. His Japan book White Silence was made in a single day in Hokkaido. It shows. Website: andrewhertel.com Instagram: @andrewjameshertelThis week's clip is from @dishcreates on YouTube, talking about choosing a new artistic obsession. Worth your time.Lessons From A Terrible Photographer is available now on Amazon. Get your copy here: https://a.co/d/0aqcL8RqWebsite: terriblephotographer.com Support the show: terriblephotographer.com/support Subscribe to Pub Notes, the newsletter: the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fb Terrible Photographer on Instagram: @terriblephotographer Patrick Fore on Instagram: @patrickforePodcast written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions. Episode photography from Adobe StockRecorded from my garage in San Diego, California.

This is the last one.Four episodes. Four quadrants. Four different ways of asking the same question: who are you — really — when nobody's grading you?In the final episode of the Johari Window series, Patrick texts eight people the same question without defining the word first. A photographer in Texas who's bored at events but wants the money. A friend who performs down to what shoes she puts on. A pastor in Iowa who said he doesn't feel fake — and then sent a follow-up voice note from a friend's house over Long Island iced teas that changed everything.Not one person said they don't perform. Not one.The Unknown is the fourth quadrant. In the original model it was framed as a limitation — territory nobody has access to. Patrick thinks that's the wrong way to look at it. Especially for creatives. Especially for people making personal work in the gaps between the jobs that pay the rent.This episode is about the version of yourself that exists underneath all the other versions. The one that neither you nor anyone else has fully seen yet. The one that isn't always good. Isn't always safe. Isn't always received.And why you might make something from there anyway.In this episode:Eight people, one question, no definition provided. What performing actually means when you ask people who have been doing it their whole lives. The pastor who works every day to keep two versions of himself close enough to touch. The stylist Patrick hired because he fell for the full version of her on Instagram — and what the transaction cost. The irony of finding more of yourself in a podcast garage than in a building founded on the radical idea that humans should show up whole. The serial killer problem and the Pokemon Go executive — and the question neither of them can answer. Why the Johari Window isn't a self-help tool. It's a mirror. And mirrors show you everything. The 16 year old, the 21 year old, the 31 year old — and who Patrick has been making this for all along.The Johari Window — the complete series:Episode 57 — The Glass House: The Arena. Visibility versus being known. Episode 58 — The Tell: The Blind Spot. What everyone around you already knows. Episode 59 — The Facade: What you hide. What it costs. Episode 60 — The Unknown: The version of yourself that doesn't exist yet. And why you make something anyway.On Harrington:Back in episode one Patrick pushed back on the model. Said the Arena requires two people. That you can't open the door alone and expect to be known.He still believes that.But Harrington was right about the window itself. It's neutral. It's just glass. It shows you what's there. It doesn't tell you which parts are good and which are dangerous. It doesn't sort the rooms for you.What you do with what you see — that's on you.If this series landed somewhere:Email Patrick. He reads everything and responds to most of it. The emails that cost something to send are the ones he remembers [email protected]:Website: terriblephotographer.comThe Book — Lessons From A Terrible Photographer: terriblephotographer.com/the-book Support the show: terriblephotographer.com/supportNewsletter — Pub Notes: the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fb Instagram — The Terrible Creative: @terriblephotographer Instagram — Patrick Fore: @patrickforeThe Terrible Creative is written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions. Episode photography from Adobe Stock and Unsplash. Recorded from a garage in San Diego, California.

Episode 59: "The Facade" The Johari Window Series — Part ThreeSome weeks Patrick knows exactly why he's making this podcast.Other weeks he almost quits.This week he almost quit.In Episode 59, Patrick pulls back the frame on the third quadrant of the Johari Window — the Facade — and what it actually costs creative professionals to maintain the gap between what they show and what's driving the showing. The polished portfolio. The confident host voice. The finished frame with the 400 failed shots cropped out.This isn't an episode about lying. It's about omission. And about what happens when you build a professional identity around a creative practice that has no letter grade, no client approval, no clean signal telling you whether what you're making is landing or disappearing into silence.Patrick talks about Episode 7 — the color theory episode where he ran out of ideas and made something anyway. About the specific loneliness of having no one to call mid-crisis who has the context to help. About talking creative decisions through with AI because that's what the forest looks like sometimes. About the analytics graph that will eventually reduce this episode — this specific vulnerable, costly, self-inflicted colonoscopy of an episode — to a data point.And about why he kept walking anyway.In this episode:The almost-abandoned Johari series — what Patrick was going to make instead and what made him stay. The Facade as omission — how showing only the product accidentally creates a culture of impostors. The feedback loop problem — why the podcast is the hardest creative work Patrick has ever done to measure, and what his brain does in the absence of data. The AI collaborator admission — the specific loneliness of having context nobody else has. The difference between performed vulnerability and actual vulnerability — and why Patrick monitors that line constantly. The color theory episode — what episode 7 actually proved about whether the podcast could survive without a plan. The forest — the dim flickering light, the disappearing trail, and the thing that terrifies Patrick more than getting lost.The Johari Window — where we are:Episode 57 — The Glass House: The Arena. Visibility versus being known. Episode 58 — The Tell: The Blind Spot. What everyone around you already knows. Episode 59 — The Facade: What you hide. What it costs. Coming up — The Unknown.The three words that describe this episode:Bleeding. Silence. Walking.If this one felt uncomfortably familiar:That's the episode working.Email Patrick. He reads everything. Some weeks your email is the only signal he gets that any of this is landing.No pressure. But also — no pressure.Connect:Email Patrick: [email protected]: terriblephotographer.com The Book — Lessons From A Terrible Photographer: terriblephotographer.com/the-bookSupport the show: terriblephotographer.com/support Newsletter — Pub Notes: the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fb Instagram — The Terrible Creative: @terriblephotographer Instagram — Patrick Fore: @patrickforeThe Terrible Creative is written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions. Episode photography from Adobe Stock and Unsplash. Recorded from a garage in San Diego, California.

Everyone around you already knows.Your clients see it. The people who've worked alongside you see it. The people who love you have probably tried to name it — in ways you found reasons to dismiss.In Episode 58, Patrick continues the Johari Window series by moving from the Arena into the most uncomfortable quadrant: the Blind Spot. Not the things you're hiding. The things you don't know you're broadcasting.Using his own creative identity as the case study — the self-deprecation, the Terrible brand, the mid-sentence bail — Patrick traces the armor back to its origin: a three-bedroom house in Freeport, Illinois, a dinner table where the competition was already over before it started, and a crayon surrender he signed before he was old enough to know what surrender meant.This episode is about the system you built to survive. Why it made sense when you built it. And why it might be costing you more than it's protecting you now.In this episode:The specific look Alycia gives when Patrick abandons his own story mid-sentence — and what it means that he smiles instead of getting defensive. Steven Berglas and the Harvard research on self-handicapping — why capable people undermine themselves before anyone else can, and why success doesn't fix it. The sociometer — Mark Leary's theory about the internal gauge that monitors social acceptance in real time, and why most of ours are still calibrated for rooms we left twenty years ago. The two kinds of armor: lead and chrome. Why one makes you invisible and the other makes you blinding — and why both are running the same old software. Brian, the coloring book, and the crayon surrender. The Katie problem — what it means to be fully seen, how rare it actually is, and what the armor has to do with why it's so hard to find.The Johari Window — where we are:Last episode: The Arena — what you show the world, and why being visible isn't the same as being known.This episode: The Blind Spot — what everyone else can see that you can't.Coming up: The Facade, The Unknown, and the negotiation between all four.If this one landed somewhere uncomfortable:That's the episode working correctly.Email Patrick. He reads everything and responds to most of it — especially the ones that cost something to send.Connect:Email Patrick: [email protected]: terriblephotographer.comThe Book — Lessons From A Terrible Photographer: terriblephotographer.com/the-bookSupport the show: terriblephotographer.com/support Newsletter — Pub Notes: the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fb Instagram — The Terrible Photographer: @terriblephotographer Instagram — Patrick Fore: @patrickforeThe Terrible Creative is written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions. Episode photography by Michał Parzuchowski — @m.parzuchowski Recorded from a garage in San Diego, California.Episode title and subtitle:"The Tell" The Johari Window Part Two — What Everyone Around You Already Knows

There's a difference between being visible and being known. Most of us have confused the two.In this episode, Patrick is sitting at a networking event in San Diego when a graphic designer asks him a question he wasn't ready for: "Who are you to write a book? To make a podcast?" What followed was a masterclass in what happens when radical transparency meets a closed receiver — and why no amount of clever explanation, diplomatic humor, or honest disclosure can open a door that's locked from the other side.This is Part One of a five-part series on the Johari Window — a psychological model built in the 1950s to map the gap between what we show, what we hide, what others see, and what nobody knows yet. Patrick uses it as a lens to examine what it actually means to be seen as a creative professional in an attention economy that rewards the performance of transparency without any mechanism for checking the real thing.Also in this episode: why Zach Galifianakis crying at his sister's wedding is the most honest thing in this conversation, what Jerry Seinfeld gets wrong about talent, and what it costs to make the self-deprecating joke when the room can't receive you.In this episode:The networking event that started this whole series — and the question that hasn't left Patrick alone since. The Johari Window, explained by an organizational psychologist named Erin over coffee. Why the Arena isn't just built by what you put out — and what happens when the receiver can't take it in. Zach Galifianakis, his sister's wedding, and five hundred people who thought grief was a bit. The mom joke, what it cost, and why Patrick stopped making it.The Johari Window — the four quadrants:The Arena — what you know about yourself that others know too. The Blind Spot — what others can see that you can't. The Facade — what you know but keep hidden. The Unknown — what neither you nor anyone else has figured out yet.If this episode hit something:This is Part One of five. The series continues with the Blind Spot, the Facade, the Unknown, and the negotiation between all four. Subscribe so you don't miss it.And if you've ever been in a room where no arrangement of words was going to make it land — email Patrick. He reads everything.Connect:E-Mail Me: [email protected]: terriblephotographer.com The Book — Lessons From A Terrible Photographer: terriblephotographer.com/the-book Support the show: terriblephotographer.com/support Newsletter — Pub Notes: the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fb Instagram — The Terrible Creative: @terriblephotographer Instagram — Patrick Fore: @patrickforeThe Terrible Creative is written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound. Episode photography from Adobe Stock. Recorded from a garage in San Diego, California.

The fear underneath every AI conversation in photography right now isn't really about the future. It's recognition.In this episode, Patrick sits down with the hard question nobody in the industry is asking out loud: were we already making replaceable work before AI arrived? He traces the argument from a weekend with the Capture One leadership team, through his own portfolio audit, two unscripted phone calls with a working commercial photographer, a portrait session with a professor who had never been photographed, and a Christopher Anderson image made inside the White House that quietly pulls itself apart at the seams.This isn't an episode about AI killing photography. It's about what AI is making visible — and what that means for the work you make next.Show NotesThe conversation about AI and photography has been happening at the wrong altitude. Markets, economics, job security — those are real questions. But they're the surface conversation. The thing underneath is harder: what were you making before AI arrived, and why?This episode starts in Paris, 1839 — the moment photography was supposed to kill painting — and ends with a question you probably haven't let yourself ask yet.Along the way:— A weekend with part of the leadership team at Capture One, and why Patrick came home more excited than afraid— The portfolio audit: scrolling back through his own work with new eyes, and what Gemini did with one of his best-performing images in four minutes— Two unscripted phone calls with commercial photographer Morgan Turner — including the two words that said everything— A portrait session with a professor in her fifties who had never been photographed, and what that responsibility actually looks like— Christopher Anderson's White House portraits, a light switch, and why AI would have removed it— The difference between a mistake and a strategic sacrifice— Why the making might matter more than the imageReferenced In This EpisodeChristopher Anderson — White House Portrait Series Shot for Magnum Photos during the Trump administration. Worth finding and sitting with. magnum photos.comCapture One Professional photo editing software and the people building the tools photographers will use next. captureone.comThe Long Middle Series If this episode landed, go back to Episode 40. It's the first in a four-part series on creative loneliness — what happens when you're good at what you do and something still feels off. It connects directly to everything discussed here.GuestMorgan Turner — Commercial Photographer, Cranbrook BC Website: mturnerphoto.com Instagram: @mturnerphotoEpisode PhotographyPhoto by Teslariu Mihai Instagram: @photosbymihaiLinks📖 The Book — Lessons From a Terrible Photographer terriblephotographer.com/the-book☕ Support the Show terriblephotographer.com/support📬 Pub Notes — The Newsletter the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fb📷 Patrick on Instagram instagram.com/patrickfore🎙 The Terrible Creative on Instagram instagram.com/terriblephotographer📧 Email Patrick [email protected] thoughts on this episode? Did the audit hit different than you expected? Did you find an image in your portfolio that survived it — or one that didn't?Email [email protected] — he reads everything.

Something is changing.This bonus episode is the announcement I've been putting off — partly because I wasn't sure how to say it, and partly because the timing is, as with most things in my life, sideways.The Terrible Photographer is becoming The Terrible Creative.Same show. Same voice. Same refusal to pretend I have it figured out. But the door is wider now — because the emails I've been getting for years have made something clear: the struggle we talk about here doesn't belong to photographers. It belongs to anyone trying to make honest work in a world that keeps asking why you bother.In this episode I talk about why the name was right when it started, why it stopped fitting, and a handwritten letter from a ceramicist in Vermont that I've been carrying around in my bag for eight months. I also talk about the Impressionists, a twenty-two-year-old kid in Los Angeles who told me my work was terrible, and a brand manager who had feelings about a throw pillow.Oh — and the book is done. Lessons From a Terrible Photographer is real and you can buy it right now.MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODELessons From a Terrible Photographer — the book → https://www.terriblephotographer.com/the-bookJeff Lipsky, photographer → jefflipsky.comLINKSBuy the book → https://www.terriblephotographer.com/the-bookSupport the show → https://www.terriblephotographer.com/supportSubscribe to Pub Notes (the newsletter) → https://the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fbThe Terrible Photographer on Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/terriblephotographer/Patrick on Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/patrickfore/Email Patrick → [email protected] Terrible Creative is written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions. Recorded from my garage in San Diego, California.

There's a moment in Season 11 of Alone where a man named Dub — forty days into the Canadian wilderness, starving, alone — watches a bull moose stand just out of reach on the other side of a freezing river. He has the shot. He has the skill. The river is just between him and the thing.He watches it walk away. Then it starts to snow. Then he slips. Both boots go into the water."The moose was rubbing it in my face," he says.Every freelancer knows that sequence. Not the moose — but the cascade. The opportunity that was real and unreachable. The ethical choice that costs you anyway. The universe punctuating the loss with weather. And then, because it's not done with you yet, the small stupid thing that compounds everything.This episode is about the forces nobody puts in the brochure. Not the craft — you already have that. The River. The Weather. The Wet Boots. And the specific, invisible loneliness of navigating all of it while the rest of the world has no idea what the weather is like where you're standing.We're not talking about failure. We're talking about terrain.This episode is for anyone in the early years — still building, still surviving, still making camp on days when the moose walked away and it started snowing.In this episode: The selection process for Alone — and why the skills are the entry fee, not the game. The River, the Weather, and the Wet Boots — three invisible forces the portfolio review doesn't measure. Apophenia — why your brain invents a tiger when three clients ghost you in a row. The Zeigarnik Effect and why there are no days off, only hours off. The specific loneliness of people who love you but can't follow you into the room where the hard thing lives. Why the freelancers who last stopped measuring themselves against the whole game. And what witness actually costs — and why it's sometimes the only floor available.Podcast written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound & Blue Dot Sessions. Episode photography from Adobe Stock & Unsplash. Recorded from the garage in San Diego, California.🌐 terriblephotographer.com 📖 The Book: terriblephotographer.com/the-book☕ Support the show: terriblephotographer.com/support📬 Newsletter (Pub Notes): the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fb📸 Instagram: @terriblephotographer / @patrickfore

Every job has a floor. A salary. A review cycle. Someone in authority who tells you you're doing fine, keep going.Freelancing has none of that. There's no feedback mechanism that tells you you're okay. No quarterly check-in. No laminated menu that says: this is what we are, this is what we cost, this is what done looks like.There's just the work. And then the silence after the work. And then waiting to see what the silence contains.In this episode, I'm talking about the specific psychological cost of operating without a floor — and what happens when, after years of calling that freedom, you find yourself at midnight rebuilding a lunch counter from your childhood just to feel the relief of knowing what the job is.We're going back to a dead pharmacy in Freeport, Illinois. We're talking about ambiguity, clarity, and the thing nobody tells you about creative independence — that freedom without a floor is just a different word for a cliff.And why sometimes the most creative thing you can do is make something small, completable, and finished. Even if nobody ever sees it.This episode is for the photographers, writers, designers, and creative humans in the long middle — still building, still surviving, still showing up.In this episode: Emmert Drugs — a pharmacy lunch counter in Freeport, Illinois that treated time like a suggestion. The specific relief of a task with edges. Why ambiguity has a metabolic cost. The Karasek demand-control model and why high demands plus low control is the actual engine of exhaustion — not hard work. What small floors are and why your nervous system needs them.If you're interested, you can see the spec Emmert Diner Spec Project I designed in 24 hours.Podcast written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound & Blue Dot Sessions. Episode photography By Elijah HiettRecorded from the garage in San Diego, California.🌐 terriblephotographer.com 📖 The Book: terriblephotographer.com/the-book ☕ Support the show: terriblephotographer.com/support 📬 Newsletter (Pub Notes): the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fb 📸 Instagram: @terriblephotographer / @patrickfore

A photographer friend once gave me three words of advice that I've never been able to use: just be yourself.Not because the advice is wrong. But because it assumes a stable, available self waiting underneath—one you can just step into when needed. For a lot of us in the creative industry, that self got covered over so gradually we didn't notice it happening.In this episode, I'm getting into something I haven't talked about directly before: the mask. Not just the professional version—the competent, composed, commercially-legible persona we build to survive client work—but the original one. The one that got built long before the first invoice.Carl Jung called it persona inflation: the moment the mask stops being a tool and starts being an identity. When the professional version of you becomes the only version that gets any airtime. I talk about what that looks like in practice—through the story of a photographer I know who froze when someone handed her a disposable camera at a block party, and through my own experience of a gear-shift I didn't choose at an IKEA on a rainy Tuesday night.My daughter noticed something on the drive home. She said: "You still make jokes, but you aren't you."I'm still sitting with that.This episode doesn't resolve cleanly. There's no five-step framework for finding your authentic self. What there is: a half-second of space between the mask going on and the automatic accommodation beginning. That pause is what this episode is about.In This Episode:— The etymology of persona: why the Romans built masks to amplify, not to hide— Quintus Roscius Gallus, the most celebrated actor in ancient Rome, and what happened to him when the performances stopped— Why "just be yourself" is the most useless advice in creative work—and what makes it so hard to push back on— How I learned to read a room, starting in Freeport, Illinois, and why I still can't turn it off— Carl Jung's concept of persona inflation—and how it shows up in photographers, designers, and anyone who's built a professional identity on top of a creative one— The IKEA moment: what a gear-shift feels like when you're not the one choosing it— The difference between the professional creative mask and the social one—and why they're the same animal— What Mara's disposable camera can tell us about the cost of twelve years inside a professional cageReferenced in This Episode:How to Win Friends and Influence People — Dale CarnegieCarl Jung — Two Essays on Analytical Psychology (on the concept of the Persona)Quintus Roscius Gallus — referenced in Cicero's letters and Julius Caesar's recorded commentaryConnect:Email Patrick: [email protected]: http://terriblephotographer.comThe Book — Lessons From a Terrible Photographer: https://www.terriblephotographer.com/the-bookSubscribe to Pub Notes (the newsletter): https://the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fbSupport the show: https://www.terriblephotographer.com/supportPatrick on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patrickfore/The Terrible Photographer on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/terriblephotographer/Podcast written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore Music licensed through Epidemic Sound & Blue Dot SessionsEpisode photography from Adobe Stock & Unsplash Recorded from my garage in San Diego, California

London. 1886. A respected doctor stands before a mirror and drinks a potion he swore he would only use once. He doesn’t grow horns or sprout claws. He simply becomes... lighter. The weight of Victorian morality, the heavy wool of his reputation—it just slides off his shoulders. The first time, it requires the chemistry. By the end, Hyde doesn’t wait for an invitation. He just arrives.This is Episode 52 (Part 5 of the Heresies series)—where we say the things the photography industry would prefer you not think too hard about.Today: We are putting down the shields and taking a long, hard look in the mirror. We’re talking about Power. Specifically, the unique, intoxicating power we hold the moment we pick up a camera. We explore how the "Artist" label is used as a bulletproof vest for manipulation, how the camera provides a "loophole" for the shadow, and why "consent" under a power imbalance isn't as clean as we’d like to believe.This isn't just about "those predators" in the headlines. It’s about the Hyde in all of us. If you don't think you have a shadow, you're the one most likely to let him hold the camera.What We CoverThe Mechanism of Permission: Why the story of Jekyll and Hyde is the perfect metaphor for the modern photographer.The Four Tiers of Hyde:The Tourist of Flesh (Amateur): Using the camera for access to vulnerable spaces.The Aesthetic Architect (Artist): Using "beauty" to mask the male gaze.The Specialist: Why a narrow focus on adolescent athletes (dance, gymnastics, swimming) is a red flag.The Untouchable (Professional): How the industry protects "talent" at the cost of safety.The Permission of the Lens: Why staring, directing, and asking for vulnerability are professionalized transgressions.The Myth of Consent: Why "she signed the release" doesn't always mean the interaction was ethical.The 18-19 Year Old Dynamic: The responsibility of the photographer to recognize the inherent power imbalance of age and reputation.The Peer/Judge Test: The one question that determines if you are a craftsman or a man using a camera to get what he wants.Stewardship vs. Stupidity: My own reckoning with a shoot that went off the rails and why "laziness" is often the entry point for the shadow.The Protocol: My personal systems for ensuring "No Surprises" and protecting both the model and the craft.Referenced in This EpisodeHistorical Context:Robert Louis Stevenson: The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (1886).Audio & Media:TikTok: @chrryprncess (Reflecting on male photographers at youth dance recitals).HuffPost Live: Model slams Terry Richardson (The "Untouchable" Tier).Industry Statistics: * Model Alliance (2012) - 87% harassment rate.2024 #MeToo National Report & Late 2025 Data on on-set misconduct.Links & ResourcesThe Terrible Photographer Website: terriblephotographer.com Instagram: @terriblephotographerSupport the Show (Buy Me a Coffee) terriblephotographer.com/supportSubscribe to Pub Notes (The Newsletter) the-terrible-photographer.kit.comPatrick Fore Instagram: @patrickforeGet in Touch If this episode made you feel something—rage, defensive, or relieved—I want to hear it. I read and respond to everything. [email protected] Podcast written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore. Music licensed through Epidemic Sound & Blue Dot Sessions. Recorded from my garage in San Diego, California.Stay curious. Stay courageous. Stay terrible.

I posted a question on Threads: "Where are you posting your images these days?"The answers were scattered. Glass. Grainery. Pixelfed. Substack. Flickr, somehow. Very few said Instagram.There is no home anymore.Instagram was built by photographers, for photographers. Square format mimicking film. Filters mimicking darkroom techniques. A grid layout that functioned as a digital portfolio. For a while, it worked. Photographers got discovered. Built followings. Landed clients. Built careers.Then Instagram decided it wasn't a photo-sharing app anymore.They killed the chronological feed. Launched Reels. Made still images functionally invisible. And on December 31st, 2025, Adam Mosseri—Instagram's head—posted an essay saying that professional photography is "cheap to produce and boring to consume." That camera companies are "betting on the wrong aesthetic." That savvy creators need to make "explicitly unproduced and unflattering" images to prove they're human.We spent a decade mastering the Instagram aesthetic—sharp, well-lit, technically perfect. And Instagram just told us that aesthetic is wrong.This episode is about what Instagram took from photographers. Not just reach or engagement, but livelihoods. Wedding photographers, family shooters, local portrait specialists—thousands of professionals built their entire client pipelines on Instagram. And Instagram was always a time bomb.Tomorrow was never promised. But when tomorrow was working, it was easy to forget that.This is the third heresy in the series. We've talked about camera companies that profit from inadequacy, and gear influencers who monetize it. This one's about the platform that promised to connect us—and ended up destroying the very thing it was built for.IN THIS EPISODEThe Origin StoryHow Instagram launched in 2010 as a platform literally designed for photographers—square format, darkroom-style filters, grid portfolios—and became the industry standard for discovery and client acquisition.The ShiftThe timeline: 2016 algorithmic feed, 2018 IGTV failure, 2020 Reels launch, 2021 "we are no longer a photo-sharing app," 2022-2024 still images lose 70-90% reach, 2025-2026 functional death of static posts.Was It Ever Good?The uncomfortable questions: Were you shooting for your portfolio or paying rent to the platform? Did Instagram help you find your voice, or teach you to optimize for performance? How we outsourced artistic intuition to an algorithm and edited our souls in real-time.The Mosseri RevelationDecember 31st, 2025: Instagram's head posts "Authenticity after abundance," calling professional photography "cheap to produce and boring to consume," saying camera companies are "betting on the wrong aesthetic," and telling creators to make "explicitly unproduced and unflattering" images. How Instagram trained photographers for a decade, then punished them for doing exactly what they were trained to do.The Economic TrapHow wedding photographers, family photographers, and local B2C photographers built their entire businesses on Instagram client acquisition. How they're now trapped—can't leave (invisibility = no work), can't stay on old terms (algorithm killed reach), forced to adapt or die. Tomorrow was never promised.The ScatteringWhere photographers went after Instagram died for still images. The fragmented landscape of Glass, Grainery, Pixelfed, Substack, Flickr. Why none of them will replace Instagram. Why photography communities only work at scale. The destroyed center of gravity.The Bellingham ConfessionHow Instagram's competitive energy pushed Patrick and his photographer crew to shoot more. Weekend photo walks. Friendly competition. The gamification that created work. And what happened when that fuel disappeared. The question: If you only shot because Instagram rewarded it, were you ever really a photographer?What We Lost (And Should Be Glad to Lose)Reach, discoverability, community, motivation, income. But also: the content treadmill, algorithmic optimization, the 1.2-second attention economy, outsourced judgment, rented land.The AutopsyHow Instagram turned craft into content, replaced judgment with metrics, created artificial urgency, commodified images, made reach the primary goal. Why Instagram didn't kill photography by pivoting to video—it was killing photography the whole time.The MirrorPatrick's complicity. How he built his following on Instagram, got work from it, but also shot things he didn't care about because they'd perform. Checked metrics more than work. Felt anxiety about posting more than excitement about making. What did the reach cost?The EndingPatrick stopped posting three weeks ago. Shot more last month than all year. A hard drive full of work nobody's seen. Building on land he owns: website, email list, physical prints, client relationships. Not measuring work by double-taps. Not adding fake grain to prove he's human. The platform is dying. Maybe photography can live again.KEY QUOTES"We edited our souls in real-time to match the preferences of a faceless audience we couldn't see and didn't know.""You weren't shooting for your portfolio. You were shooting to pay rent to the platform.""Tomorrow was never promised. But when tomorrow was working, it was easy to forget that.""Instagram didn't kill photography by pivoting to video. Instagram was killing photography the whole time. We just didn't notice because we were too busy getting likes.""If Instagram disappeared tomorrow, would you still be a photographer? Not 'would you have a way to show your work' but 'would you still MAKE work?'""That's not a portfolio. That's a content treadmill. That's sharecropping.""Instagram turned photography into a commodity of 1.2 seconds.""If your only reason to shoot was Instagram, you were building on quicksand.""They can't leave. Because leaving means clients stop finding them. But they can't stay on the old terms either. Because the old terms don't work anymore.""The platform is dying. Maybe that means photography can live again."REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODEAdam Mosseri - "Authenticity after abundance" (Threads, December 31, 2025)Full essay where Instagram's head states that professional photography is "cheap to produce and boring to consume," that camera companies are "betting on the wrong aesthetic," and that "savvy creators are going to lean into explicitly unproduced and unflattering images of themselves."Key quotes from Mosseri's post:"Just as AI makes polish cheap, phone cameras have made professional-looking imagery ubiquitous—both trends cheapen the aesthetic.""Flattering imagery is cheap to produce and boring to consume.""Savvy creators are going to lean into explicitly unproduced and unflattering images of themselves. In a world where everything can be perfected, imperfection becomes a signal. Rawness isn't just aesthetic preference anymore—it's proof. It's defensive.""That feed is dead." (Referring to Instagram's square photo feed)"authenticity is becoming infinitely reproducible"Alternative Platforms Mentioned:

It's 3 AM. You're scrolling through infomercials. A televangelist is selling "Miracle Spring Water" for $50—promising financial breakthroughs, healing, transformation. All you have to do is send money and believe.Fast forward to 2026. A YouTube thumbnail: "This CAMERA changed EVERYTHING 📷🔥" Description: "Amazon affiliate links below."Same hustle. Different spring water.In this bonus heresy, we examine why gear influencers are the modern-day televangelists of photography—how they've built an entire industry around keeping you perpetually inadequate, how they've changed what we value when we look at photographs, and why most of them can't actually shoot.This isn't about hating content creators. It's about understanding the incentive structures that teach us to worship what we lack instead of what we hold. And it's about recognizing our own complicity in building this machine.Warning: This episode names names and makes uncomfortable arguments. If you've ever upgraded your camera when you didn't need to, this one's going to hit close to home.IN THIS EPISODEThe Peter Popoff ParallelHow a disgraced televangelist who sold "Miracle Spring Water" to desperate people is using the exact same business model as gear influencers—just with better production value and no FBI investigation (yet).The Gospel of the Spec SheetWhy the prosperity gospel and gear culture are built on identical psychological architecture: the promise that transformation is a transaction you can complete with your credit card.The Liturgy of InadequacyHow the inadequacy spiral works: You buy a camera. You're excited. Two weeks later, the algorithm shows you why it's not good enough. And the cycle begins."Almost" Is the Most Profitable EmotionWhy we stay in perpetual "almost"—almost ready, almost equipped, almost prepared. Because "almost" feels productive while keeping us from the actual work of making images.The ConfessionPatrick turns the mirror on himself—and on all of us. How we participated in building this system because buying something feels like progress, even when it's not.The Influencer-as-Career ProblemWhy an entire generation of photographers is learning that building a YouTube channel is more profitable than building a portfolio—and what gets lost when content about photography replaces the practice of photography.The Mirror MomentPatrick examines his own position: Does he have a podcast? A book? A newsletter? Isn't he doing the same thing? And why his one exception to the "no sponsorship" rule is Guinness beer.Redefining "Good"How gear culture changed what we see when we look at photographs—from "Does this make you feel something?" to "Can you see every eyelash at 100% crop?"The TikTok CritiqueA live Instagram feed critique where technical feedback (sharpness, color consistency, dynamic range) completely replaces any conversation about vision, intent, or what the photographer is actually trying to say.The Scott Kelby / Jeremy Cowart StoryA moment from a photo walk where Scott Kelby interrupts Jeremy Cowart mid-shoot to ask about his settings—perfectly illustrating how we've been conditioned to believe the technical information is what matters, not the seeing.What Actually Gets LostNot just taste or vision, but the willingness to sit with uncertainty. How photographers stop trusting their own eyes and start Googling "best composition for portraits" mid-shoot.The Portfolio Problem (The nuclear option)Why most gear influencers can't actually shoot—and how we've given authority to people who can measure corner sharpness but can't make a compelling photograph. Includes the uncomfortable truth about test shots masquerading as sample images.What Doesn't Matter (And What Does)Corner sharpness. Dynamic range. Color science. Megapixels. None of it matters if you can't see. And how the camera you have right now is enough—not "enough to start," but enough to make extraordinary work.The EndingNot permission, but presence. What Patrick stopped clicking. What he's sitting with. What he's letting stay unresolved. And why his three-year-old scratched camera isn't getting upgraded.KEY QUOTES"Almost is the most profitable emotion in the world. Because almost lets us feel like photographers without the risk of making photography.""Your satisfaction is their bankruptcy.""The camera didn't change. Your faith did. You were taught to worship what you lack instead of what you hold.""Transformation is not a transaction. It's something you build.""We've given authority to people who know how to measure corner sharpness but can't make an interesting photograph.""Certainty is the enemy of vision. Because vision lives in the uncertainty.""The thing I'm looking for isn't in the next camera. It's in the next thousand frames. And you can't buy those. You have to make them."REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODEPeter PopoffTelevangelist exposed by James Randi in the 1980s for using hidden earpieces to fake divine revelations. Declared bankruptcy in 1987. Came back in the 2000s selling "Miracle Spring Water" via late-night infomercials. Ministry pulled in $23 million by 2015.Inside Edition Investigation (2015)Confrontation with Popoff showing his $2.1M home, $100K Porsche, and $600K+ salary funded by donations from desperate people.James Randi ExposureMagician and skeptic who revealed Popoff's wife was feeding him information through a hidden earpiece during "healing" crusades.Peter McKinnonYouTube creator, Canon ambassador, camera backpack designer. Used as example of distinction between content creator and working photographer (with explicit acknowledgment of his talent and intentional career choice).Scott Kelby / Jeremy Cowart Photo WalkVenice Beach incident where Kelby interrupted Cowart mid-shoot to ask about camera settings—illustrating the assumption that technical information is what matters.Ofcom (UK Broadcasting Regulator)Fined broadcasters in 2018 for airing Popoff's infomercials with health claims that crossed from religious expression into fraud.MENTIONED PHOTOGRAPHERS & ARTISTS(For the "what to study instead" section)Alec SothSally MannSaul LeiterRobert FrankNadav KanderGregory CrewdsonAnsel Adams ("Moonrise, Hernandez, New Mexico")AUDIO CLIPS USEDPeter Popoff "Miracle Spring Water" Infomercial (2018)Clips of testimonials, pitch, and call-to-action from late-night infomercialInside Edition Confrontation (2015)Matt Meagher attempting to question Popoff about taking money from desperate peopleEPISODE THEMESInadequacy as a business modelProsperity gospel vs. gear cultureThe economics of content creationTechnical language replacing aesthetic languageLearning to see vs. learning to shopVision vs. specs

Rochester, 1888. George Eastman releases the Kodak camera with a brilliant slogan: "You press the button, we do the rest." Serious photographers immediately panic, calling new users "Button-Pressers" and "Kodak Fiends." One writer declares photography dead: "When everyone is a photographer, then no one is an artist."Same fear. Same argument. Different century.This is Episode 2 of Heresies—where we say the things the photography industry would prefer you not think too hard about.Today: Why your camera brand doesn't care if you're a good photographer. Why brand ambassadors are unpaid marketing departments. And what happens when you mistake ownership for mastery.We'll talk about the spreadsheet behind "partnerships." The ROAS calculations that determine who gets loaned gear. And why musicians like Benny Blanco make billion-stream hits on outdated Macs with wired keyboards while photographers argue about megapixels in forums.This isn't another "gear doesn't matter" sermon. Gear absolutely matters—but only if you already know what you're doing. The R5 makes you more capable, not better. And there's a difference.If you've ever felt like you needed the "right" camera to be taken seriously, this one's for you.What We CoverThe 1890s moral panic about "Button-Pressers" and "Kodak Fiends"Why I felt cheated when a beginner showed up with the same $10K camera setupWhat I learned working in Taylor Guitars' marketing department about brand partnershipsHow ROAS (Return on Ad Spend) and Brand Lift actually workWhy camera ambassadors are conversion rates, not artistsBenny Blanco making hits on gear that looks like a dorm room liquidation saleThe difference between gear that enables vs. gear that replaces skillWhy musicians fetishize sound while photographers fetishize newnessWhere pride should actually live (spoiler: not in your kit)Quotable Moments"When everyone is a photographer, then no one is an artist." — 1890s photography critic"Ownership feels like mastery. That if you just have the right tool, the hard parts quietly disappear.""I wanted the gate to exist. I wanted the years to mean something visible. I wanted effort to leave a mark you could recognize on sight.""You're not a partner. You're a line item. An asset on a balance sheet. A tactic in a marketing plan.""The R5 doesn't make me a better photographer. It makes me a more capable photographer—but only if I already know what I'm doing.""The tool enables. But it doesn't create. Vision creates. Mastery creates. And you can't buy either of those.""Musicians fetishize sound. Photographers fetishize newness.""Pride is expensive. You can put pride in your work. Or you can put pride in your kit. One costs time. The other costs money.""If the most interesting thing about your work is what you shot it on, you didn't make work. You made a purchase."For Photographers Who:Feel pressure to upgrade every time a new camera dropsWonder if they need "better" gear before they can do "real" workHave ever felt embarrassed showing up with older equipmentAre curious what brand ambassador programs actually areStruggle with gear acquisition vs. skill developmentWant permission to master what they already haveNeed to hear that the camera they own is enoughReferenced in This EpisodeBenny Blanco - Mix with the Masters"Benny Blanco producing 'Eastside' and 'Younger And Hotter Than Me' | Trailer"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gnRFrJ3ytY(Audio clips used with reference to educational context)Historical Context:George Eastman & the Kodak Camera (1888)The Hartford Courant warnings about "Kodak Fiends" (1890s)Photography industry panic about "Button-Pressers"Musicians Referenced:Benny Blanco (producer: "Eastside," Selena Gomez, Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber)Willie Nelson and "Trigger" (Martin N-20 guitar, 50+ years)Gear Theory:ROAS (Return on Ad Spend)Brand Lift metricsAttribution modeling in influencer marketingLinks & ResourcesThe Terrible PhotographerWebsite: http://terriblephotographer.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/terriblephotographer/Lessons From A Terrible Photographer (The Book)https://www.terriblephotographer.com/the-book(Features full chapter: "Gear, Fear, and Peers")Support the Show (Buy Me a Coffee)https://www.terriblephotographer.com/supportSubscribe to Pub Notes (The Newsletter)https://the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fbPatrick ForeInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/patrickfore/Get in TouchHave a question? A story? Hate mail?I respond to everything.Email's in the show notes.CreditsPodcast written, produced, and hosted by Patrick ForeMusic licensed through Epidemic Sound & Blue Dot SessionsEpisode photography by Michael Soledad | Instagram: @michsoledesignAudio clips from "Benny Blanco producing 'Eastside' and 'Younger And Hotter Than Me'" courtesy of Mix with the MastersRecorded from my garage in San Diego, CaliforniaStay curious. Stay courageous. Stay terrible.

Most photographers drown in the edit.Not because they can't see what's good. Because they can't choose what matters.This episode is about the violence of editing—the courage it takes to kill good images, the ego that dies in the process, and why great portfolios are built on rhythm, not range.I tell the story of a La Jolla shoot where I took 1,900 frames in two hours and couldn't figure out which ones to keep. About losing my sense of up and down. About the underwater feeling of staring at 300 good images and having no idea which one cuts through.And about what happened when I finally admitted I was too close to see.This isn't about workflow. It's about authorship.Topics:Why volume doesn't equal valueThe question that kills most of your imagesWhat actually gets destroyed in the edit (spoiler: it's not the photos)Editing as storytelling, not inventoryWhen to admit you're too underwater to chooseMENTIONED IN THIS EPISODEWalter Murch – Film editor (Apocalypse Now, The English Patient, The Conversation)LINKS & RESOURCESWebsite: http://terriblephotographer.comLessons From A Terrible Photographer (The Book): https://www.terriblephotographer.com/the-bookSupport the show, buy me a coffee: https://www.terriblephotographer.com/supportSubscribe to Pub Notes (The Newsletter): https://the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fbTerrible Photographer on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/terriblephotographer/Patrick Fore on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patrickfore/CREDITSPodcast written, produced, and hosted by Patrick ForeMusic licensed through Epidemic Sound & Blue Dot SessionsRecorded from my garage in San Diego, CaliforniaCONTACTQuestions? Thoughts? Hate mail?Email me. I respond to [email protected] curious.Stay courageous. Stay terrible.

When a client says "I want exactly this," are they hiring you to execute their vision—or are they asking you to solve a problem they can't articulate?This is the first episode in a five-part series called Heresies—where we say the uncomfortable things the industry doesn't want you to think too hard about.In this episode: Why listening to your client might be killing your work. Why taste is a technical skill, not a preference. And the difference between being a problem-solver and being an expensive tripod.We'll talk about threading the needle between "authentic" and "amateur." About knowing when you're hired as an artist versus a technician. And about the clients who want you to recreate their blurry iPhone photos of tennis racquets at impossible angles.(Yes, that's a real story. No, I don't want to talk about it.)This isn't about ignoring your clients. It's about knowing when to translate what they're asking for into what they actually need.What We CoverWhy your job isn't just to press the buttonThe difference between consumer clients (hiring your taste) and commercial clients (hiring problem-solving)How to build a visual vocabulary (and why scrolling Instagram doesn't count)Red flags that signal a client wants a proxy, not a photographerWhat "taste as a technical skill" actually meansThe museum exercise: 20 minutes, one painting, no phoneQuotable Moments"You're not an equipment rental with legs.""Clients don't hire us to give them what they want. They hire us to give them something beautiful. Something effective.""If you don't have a vision, you can't translate someone else's vision.""You're not a photographer. You're just someone with a camera, waiting for instructions.""The cost of saying yes to the wrong client isn't just time and money. It's the slow, quiet erosion of why you started doing this in the first place."For Photographers Who:Struggle with confidence when clients have "very specific ideas"Default to saying "yes" even when the request doesn't make senseHaven't developed their visual voice yet (and don't know where to start)Are tired of being treated like a vending machineNeed permission to trust their expertiseWant to know how to spot bad clients before signing the contractLinks & ResourcesThe Terrible PhotographerWebsite: http://terriblephotographer.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/terriblephotographer/Lessons From A Terrible Photographer (The Book)https://www.terriblephotographer.com/the-bookSupport the Show (Buy Me a Coffee)https://www.terriblephotographer.com/supportSubscribe to Pub Notes (The Newsletter)https://the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fbPatrick ForeInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/patrickfore/Get in TouchHave a question? A story? Hate mail?I respond to everything.Email's in the show notes.CreditsPodcast written, produced, and hosted by Patrick ForeMusic licensed through Epidemic Sound & Blue Dot SessionsEpisode photography from Adobe Stock & UnsplashRecorded from my garage in San Diego, CaliforniaStay curious. Stay courageous. Stay terrible.

There's a woman in Bangkok who's been selling noodles from the same corner for 43 years. She turned down Bon Appétit. Not because she's shy. Because she didn't want to cook for strangers with expectations.This episode started with a voicemail from Jason, a listener in North Carolina who shoots photos of his kids and has no interest in going pro. He called me out for ignoring non-professionals. And he was right.What I didn't expect was how much his email would make me confront something I've been avoiding: I'm envious of amateur photographers. Not because they're bad at what they do. Because they still have the thing I traded away.This is about the cost of professionalization. About the difference between making work because you have to versus making work because the work demands to be made. About freedom, money, and what happens when you refuse to let the transaction define the craft.If you've ever felt like you're not a "real" photographer because you don't charge... this one's for you.And if you're a pro who's forgotten why you started... this one's for you too.Key Themes:Transactional Legitimacy (the belief that payment equals worth)The cost of going professional vs. staying amateurCreative envy and what it revealsBeing "unowned" in a world where everything is for saleThe difference between a career and a practiceEpisode Timestamps:0:00 - Cold Open: The Noodle Queen of Bangkok 1:15 - Handshake & Episode Intro 2:00 - Jason's Voicemail (Part 1): "I'm not a professional nor do I want to be" 3:00 - Confession: Why I avoid amateur photographers (and the envy underneath) 4:30 - Bellingham, 2012: When I was Jason 6:00 - Jason's Voicemail (Part 2): "We doubt our abilities because we are not getting paid" 6:30 - Alison's Story: The physical therapist photographing her mother's Alzheimer's 16:00 - Naming The Enemy: Transactional Legitimacy 19:00 - The Pivot: What professionals can't do (that amateurs can) 22:30 - The Resolution: Neither path is pure. Both cost something. 28:00 - The Restoration: What the professional world needs from non-professionals 30:30 - The Light Leak: Being unownedMentioned in This Episode:Episode 39: Creative directing your own life (referenced when discussing overthinking)Lake Padden, Bellingham WAFairhaven, Bellingham WAMount Baker, WAKey Quote:"You are not beneath professionals. You are adjacent to freedom they lost."For Jason:Thank you for the email. Thank you for the voicemail. Thank you for calling me out. This episode wouldn't exist without you.LINKS & RESOURCES:The Terrible Photographer: Website: http://terriblephotographer.com Subscribe to Pub Notes (Newsletter): https://the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fb Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/terriblephotographer/Lessons From A Terrible Photographer (The Book): https://www.terriblephotographer.com/the-bookSupport The Show: Buy me a coffee: https://www.terriblephotographer.com/supportConnect: Patrick Fore on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patrickfore/ Email: [email protected]:Podcast written, produced, and hosted by Patrick Fore Music licensed through Epidemic SoundIntro Song: Free Spirit by Max Volante Episode photography from lucas.george.wendt Recorded in my garage in San Diego, CaliforniaA NOTE FOR NON-PROFESSIONALS (Amatures):If you're listening to this and you don't charge for your work—if you shoot because you love it, not because you're building a business—please know this:Your work matters. Your perspective matters. Your freedom matters.You're not less than. You're not waiting to become real.You're already real.And some of us wish we still had what you have.SHARE THIS EPISODE:Know someone who needs to hear this? A parent with a camera. A hobbyist who doubts themselves. A pro who's forgotten why they started.Send them this episode. Let them know they're not alone.

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:Three hundred years. That's how long my family has been in America. Jamestown. Virginia. Colonial laborers. Post-Civil War homesteaders in Missouri. And not one of them—not one—ever owned anything that lasted.In 1726, when a British clerk wrote "Fore" instead of "Fauer," my family's name changed. But the pattern didn't.This episode isn't about New Year's resolutions or fresh starts. It's about lazy rivers, tubes, and boats. It's about realizing you're floating in a system you never chose—and that everyone in your family has been floating for centuries. It's about being the first one to try to get out, even when you don't know how to swim.I talk about my MIT PhD brother who doesn't know how to freelance. A wedding photographer who realized he became his father. And why I'm angry at ancestors I've never met for never trying to break a pattern I now have to fight.If you've ever felt like you're working hard but never building anything. Like you're trapped between staying comfortable and risking everything. Like you're the first person in your family trying to do something different with no map and no model—this one's for you.Not because I have answers.Because I'm in the middle of the same fight.IN THIS EPISODE:The 300-year pattern: Jamestown to Missouri, laborers to homesteaders—and why nothing changedWhy "legally free but economically pinned" explains my entire family historyBoats, tubes, and swimmers: understanding the lazy river of lifeMy brother's phone call: when an MIT PhD doesn't know how to freelanceWhy I'm angry at dead people who had no choiceWhat it means to labor for yourself vs. labor for someone else's dreamThe question: Do you see the river? And if you do, what are you going to do about it?WANT A SEAT AT THE TABLE?The Table is a small, email-based conversation space for creative people in the long middle. No apps. No feeds. No pressure. No posting requirements. Just occasional emails about the real stuff—and the option to reply, or not.Some weeks you'll get a reflection. Some weeks a question. Some weeks nothing. Sometimes it's about creative existential dread. Sometimes it's about whether gaffer tape smells different depending on the brand.It's a pub table. But everyone's wearing sweatpants. And nobody has to drive home.If you want a seat, email: [email protected] Subject line: "I'd like a seat at The Table"LINKS:Website: http://terriblephotographer.comThe Newsletter: Sign up for Pub Notes – Musings, updates, and things I probably shouldn't say in public. terriblephotographer.com/newsletterSupport the Show: Help keep the lights on terriblephotographer.com/supportEmail the Host: [email protected] Questions, thoughts, rage at your own ancestors—I respond to everything.

You've mastered the craft. You've built the business. You're successful. But you're still lonely. You're Joshua Bell in the subway—playing a Stradivarius while everyone walks past. You've taken off the costume, rejected the hierarchy, and you're still isolated.So now what?In the finale of "The Long Middle" series, Patrick explores sociologist Ray Oldenburg's concept of "The Third Space"—the pubs, coffee shops, and barbershops where community used to happen naturally. He examines why these spaces disappeared, how COVID delivered the final blow, and why digital spaces (Reddit, Discord) might be Third Space for some people while remaining incomplete for others.This episode is both diagnosis and prescription: why we're lonely, why it's gotten worse, and the uncomfortable truth that you can't find community—you have to build it. One vulnerable conversation at a time.IN THIS EPISODE:Ray Oldenburg's Third Space theory: First Space (home), Second Space (work), Third Space (community)Why Third Spaces disappeared: suburbanization, work-from-home, social media performance cultureHow COVID killed Third Space culture permanently (not just temporarily)The death of Meetup.com and "social atrophy"—we forgot how to be togetherWhy your friend who says "Reddit is my Third Space" isn't wrong (but it's incomplete)The difference between performing and being seen in digital spacesWhy networking events are Second Space disguised as Third SpaceThe Leslie paradox: Patrick's only Third Space relationship is digital and 2800 miles awayYou can't find Third Space, you have to build it—starting with ONE personVulnerability first: Be vulnerable → See who responds → Build from thereWhy you need 2-3 real connections, not 100 photographer "friends" (Dunbar's number)Consistency over intensity: weekly coffee > annual epic meetupThe five steps to building your own Third Space (reach out, show up without costume, witness don't fix, make it regular, expand carefully)What to talk about (the real stuff: struggles, jealousy, exhaustion, the work you're hiding)What NOT to talk about (how busy you are, your big clients, industry gossip)Introducing The Table: Patrick's email-based Third Space experiment for people in the long middleTHE CHALLENGE: Reach out to ONE person this week. Not to network, not to collaborate. Just: "I've been thinking about creative loneliness lately. Want to grab coffee?" Then show up without your costume and talk about what you're actually struggling with.KEY QUOTES: "Third Space doesn't exist until someone creates it. And it doesn't start with a community. It starts with one person.""Digital-only Third Space is incomplete. You need to look someone in the eye. You need to sit across a table from another human. You need to exist in a room where you can't edit yourself before you speak.""You can't outsource belonging. You can't scroll your way to community. You can't consume your way to connection.""COVID didn't pause Third Space culture. It killed it. And we're still living in the wreckage."WANT A SEAT AT THE TABLE?The Table is a small, email-based conversation space for creative people in the long middle. No apps. No feeds. No pressure. No posting requirements. Just occasional emails about the real stuff—and the option to reply, or not.Some weeks you'll get a reflection. Some weeks a question. Some weeks nothing. Sometimes it's about creative existential dread. Sometimes it's about whether gaffer tape smells different depending on the brand.It's a pub table. But everyone's wearing sweatpants. And nobody has to drive home.If you want a seat, email: [email protected] line: "I'd like a seat at The Table"LINKS:Website: terriblephotographer.comThe Newsletter: Sign up for Pub Notes – Musings, updates, and things I probably shouldn't say in public.terriblephotographer.com/newsletterSupport the Show: Help keep the lights onterriblephotographer.com/supportEmail the Host: [email protected], thoughts, rage—I respond to everything.CREDITS:Music: Licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot SessionsWritten and Produced by: Patrick ForeEpisode Image by Mason Dahl - https://www.instagram.com/masondahlphoto/

Why does a $600 light get dismissed while a $3,000 light gets respect, even when they produce identical results? Why do wedding photographers apologize by saying “I’m just a wedding photographer”? And why do we hide the work we’re actually doing because it’s not the “right” kind of work?In Part 3 of The Long Middle series, Patrick examines the hierarchies that divide creative professionals, and admits his own complicity in enforcing them.From a tense Zoom call about Profoto versus Godox, to being dismissed in Clubhouse rooms, to looking down on other photographers while feeling looked down upon himself, this episode pulls no punches about how gatekeeping actually works, who it serves, and why we keep it alive.IN THIS EPISODE:The Profoto story: when "professional standards" are actually access standardsWhat gatekeeping actually means (and the Kurt Lewin research that defined it)Why the kitchen brigade system is the perfect metaphor for creative hierarchiesA scene from Pixar's Ratatouille and how it quietly becomes the emotional center of the episodeHow wedding, portrait, and fashion photographers face different versions of the same dismissalThe pattern across all creative fields: writers, musicians, filmmakers, designersPatrick's confession: the times he's been the gatekeeperWhy the hierarchy survives (it's not the people at the top—it's the people in the middle)The Clubhouse dismissals and the Taylor Guitars "cool kids table"How hiding your "wrong" work keeps you complicit in the systemWhat leadership actually looks like: extending an arm instead of pulling it up behind youTHE CHALLENGE: The next time someone asks "What are you working on?"—tell them the truth. Not the impressive version. Not the potential job. The actual work you're doing right now. Say it like it's legitimate work. Because it is.KEY QUOTE: "The hierarchy doesn't survive because the people at the top enforce it. It survives because the people in the middle enforce it. Because we're so afraid of being dismissed, we dismiss someone else first."LINKS:Website: terriblephotographer.comThe Newsletter: Sign up for Pub Notes – Musings, updates, and things I probably shouldn't say in public. terriblephotographer.com/newsletterSupport the Show: Help keep the lights on terriblephotographer.com/supportEmail the Host: [email protected] Questions, thoughts, rage—I respond to everything.CREDITS• Music: Licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions• Written and Produced by: Patrick Fore• Episode Image: Licensed through Adobe Stock

When Vanity Fair published Christopher Anderson’s portraits of the White House’s inner circle, the internet reacted to the politics. But as photographers, we need to look closer. We need to look at the framing.In this bonus episode, Patrick Fore deconstructs the word "Framing." It’s not just the rule of thirds or leading lines—it’s authorship. It’s the decision to show truth over comfort, and humanity over "hero energy." Patrick opens up about his own struggle with "cowering" to the moment and why we’ve all become a little too good at making the world look beige.In this episode, we discuss:The difference between geometry (composition) and power (framing).Why Christopher Anderson’s refusal to "smooth" his subjects is an act of courage.The "Light Switch" metaphor: How small, boring details tell the biggest stories.How to stop being a decorator and start being an author again.Why being a "Terrible Photographer" means being terrible at following the rules that kill your voice.ABOUT CHRISTOPHER ANDERSONChristopher Anderson is a member of Magnum Photos and is widely considered one of the most influential photographers of his generation. He first gained international recognition for his work documenting the Haitian refugee crisis, where the boat he was traveling on sank in the Caribbean—work that earned him the Robert Capa Gold Medal.Whether he is documenting conflict, the streets of Shenzhen, or the corridors of power in D.C., Anderson’s work is defined by an intense, emotional intimacy and a refusal to provide a "clean" or "commercial" version of reality.Find his work here:Website: christopherandersonphoto.comInstagram: @christopherandersonphotoMonographs: Approximate Joy, STUMP, and Pia.LINKSWebsite: terriblephotographer.comThe Newsletter: Sign up for Pub Notes – Musings, updates, and things I probably shouldn't say in public.Support the Show: Help keep the lights onEmail the Host: [email protected], hate mail, and existential spirals are all welcome.CREDITSMusic: Licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions.Written and Produced by: Patrick Fore

Why do photographers wear so much black? Why do we feel confident on stage but panic at networking events? And why is it so hard to find real community in the creative industry?In Part 2 of "The Long Middle" series, Patrick explores the costumes we wear—not just the black clothes and gear, but the professional roles and personas that keep us safe and isolated at the same time.From 17th-century Japanese Kabuki theater to APA mixers in San Diego, this episode examines why we choose invisibility, what happens when we need established roles to feel legitimate, and the five-second decision that keeps us from connection.IN THIS EPISODE:The Kurogo: Japanese stagehands who dress in black to become "invisible" on stageWhy confidence comes from established roles (the stage, the call sheet, the contract)A painful story about leaving a networking event after two minutesHow neurodivergence affects ambiguous social spacesWhy fifteen years of mastery on set doesn't translate to confidence at a mixerThe difference between avatars (who have followers) and humans (who have friends)What happens when you choose the beach over the riskTHE CHALLENGE: The next time someone asks "How's it going?"—tell them one true thing. Not "busy." Not "crushing it." One honest thing. Drop the shield for ten seconds.LINKS:Website: terriblephotographer.comThe Newsletter: Sign up for Pub Notes – Musings, updates, and things I probably shouldn't say in public. terriblephotographer.com/newsletterSupport the Show: Help keep the lights on terriblephotographer.com/supportEmail Patrick: [email protected] Questions, hate mail, and existential spirals are all welcome.CREDITS:Music licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions.Episode Artwork Photo by @erwimadethisWritten and Produced by Patrick ForeNEXT WEEK: Part 3 – "The Enemy" If the Costume hides us, Envy divides us. We're talking about scarcity mindset, comparison, and why we see our peers as threats instead of allies.

In January 2007, Joshua Bell—one of the world's best violinists—played a $3.5 million Stradivarius in a Washington D.C. subway station. Over 1,000 people walked past. Only 7 stopped to listen. He made $32.If you've ever felt like you're playing your heart out while everyone walks past... this episode is for you.This is Part 1 of a 4-part series called "The Long Middle"—about that specific season in a creative life where you've mastered the skills, built the business, done everything "right"... but something still feels off.Today's episode is about the loneliness that comes with expertise. The isolation that happens when you get really good at something and realize fewer and fewer people can see what you're actually doing.You're not broken. You're not ungrateful. You're not alone.You're just operating at a level where most people can't witness the craft.IN THIS EPISODEThe Joshua Bell Experiment Why one of the world's greatest violinists was invisible in a subway station—and what that tells us about creative loneliness.Sarah's Email A successful wedding photographer who's "disappearing into the work" despite doing everything right. Her story will sound familiar.The Loneliness of Mastery The higher you climb in your craft, the lonelier it gets. Not because you're failing—because fewer people can see what you're actually doing.Three Types of LonelinessUnintentional Loneliness (physical isolation)Deliberate Loneliness (choosing not to explain yourself)Experiential Loneliness (surrounded by people who don't speak your language)The Taylor Guitars Story How shooting a spray robot in a hazmat suit taught me what it feels like to be invisible at the level of expertise.Gratitude as a Weapon The difference between genuine gratitude and obligatory gratitude—and why "you should be grateful" has become one of the most damaging phrases in the creative industry.The Research Studies on senior executives, designers, and creative professionals all point to the same truth: expertise is isolating. It's documented. It's real. You're not crazy.Witnessed vs. Consumed The difference between 10,000 likes and one person who asks, "How did you do that?"Rivers vs. Pools Why fast-moving communities (Discord, social media) provide stimulation but not transformation—and what we need instead.KEY CONCEPTS & FRAMEWORKSExperiential Isolation at the Level of Expertise – The loneliness that comes from operating at a level where fewer people can understand what you're doingThe Seven People Who Stopped – You don't need a thousand people. You need the few who can actually witness the craft.Counterfeit Connection – Why engagement rates and subscriber counts feel like food but provide zero nutritionThe Pool (vs. The River) – Slow, still, deep spaces where you can see your own reflection vs. fast-moving noiseRESEARCH MENTIONED"Lonely at the Top" study on senior executives (2018)Adobe user research – 60% of designers feel misunderstood by non-creative colleaguesThree Types of Loneliness framework – Psychological research (University of Chicago)The Washington Post Joshua Bell experiment (2007)QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE"Gratitude is for gifts. It is not for labor. You don't have to be 'grateful' that the business you built with your own sweat is working.""The higher you climb, the lonelier it gets. Not because you're broken. But because there are simply fewer people at that altitude.""You can get 10,000 likes on a photo and still feel completely invisible. Because those people aren't witnessing you. They're consuming content.""When you're in the Neutral Zone, you don't need a fast-moving river. You need a Still Pool.""Sarah isn't failing. She's not depressed. She's just alone at the level she's operating."WHAT'S NEXTThis is Part 1 of a 4-part series called "The Long Middle." Over the next three weeks, we'll explore:Episode 41: How to recognize your people (and why creative friendship is so hard)Episode 42: How to build community without losing your soulEpisode 43: What The Pool actually looks like when it worksIf you're Joshua Bell in the subway right now—if you're doing your best work and feeling completely invisible—email me. Tell me about the work nobody sees.BOOK ANNOUNCEMENTLessons From A Terrible Photographer is now available as a Limited Collector's Box ($69.99).Includes:Signed hardcover bookSigned photo printField Notes notebookHand-typed letter on my 1920s Corona typewriterAccess to audiobook & ebook (when released)StickersStandard hardback coming January 2026.Get yours: terriblephotographer.comCONNECTEmail: [email protected] I respond to everything. Seriously. Tell me what bar you just let go of. Tell me about the work nobody sees.Website: terriblephotographer.comInstagram: @terriblephotographerCREDITSMusic in this episode from Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions.Episode photography provided by Benjamin Behre / UnsplashWritten, Recorded, Produced & Edited by me, Patrick Fore.EPISODE STATSEpisode: 40 Series: The Long Middle (Part 1 of 4) Runtime: ~35 minutesTAGS#CreativeLoneliness #PhotographyPodcast #CreativeEntrepreneur #MasteryAndIsolation #CreativeCommunity #TheTerriblePhotographer #JoshuaBell #WitnessedNotConsumed #ExpertiseIsolation #CommercialPhotography #CreativeLife #LongMiddle #ThePoolLISTENER SUPPORTIf this episode resonated with you, the best way to support the show is to:Share it with one person who needs to hear thisLeave a review on Apple Podcasts or SpotifyEmail me your story—I read everythingThis show exists because you listen. Thank you for being here.© 2025 The Terrible Photographer Podcast. All rights reserved.

Belle Gibson faked cancer. The Stauffers rehomed their adopted son when the content became too difficult. Ruby Franke is currently sitting in a prison cell.It’s easy to look at the monsters of the influencer economy and think, "I am nothing like them." But if you peel back the layers of how we document our own lives, the difference might be smaller than we’d like to admit.In this episode, we dig into the "Curator's Disease"—the urge to professionalize our own existence. We look at how commercial production techniques have trickled down from ad agencies to our Saturday mornings, how we reverse-engineer our lives to fit a "Lululemon" aesthetic, and the exhausted reality of treating your family like supporting cast members.We discuss the difference between capturing a beautiful moment and interrupting a life to manufacture one. It’s time to get out of the Director’s Chair.In this episode:The Monsters: Why the Ruby Franke and LaBrant Family stories aren't just isolated tragedies, but symptoms of a wider infection.The Lululemon Brain Worm: How commercial "lifestyle" marketing taught us to fake our own weekends.The Composite Client: Patrick breaks down a real commercial shoot to show how "authenticity" is manufactured in a conference room.The Interruption: The critical difference between seeing beautiful light and forcing your kids to stand in it.The Unpaid Internship: Why you’re exhausted from trying to hit commercial production standards on a home-video budget.Connect with The Terrible Photographer:Website: The Terrible PhotographerThe Newsletter: Sign up for Pub Notes – Musings, updates, and things I probably shouldn't say in public.Support the Show: Help keep the lights onEmail the Host: [email protected] – Questions, hate mail, and existential spirals are all welcome.Credits:Music licensed through Epidemic Sound and Blue Dot Sessions.Episode Artwork licensed through Adobe Stock.Written and Produced by Patrick Fore

June 6, 1944. Robert Capa is wading through the freezing water of Omaha Beach. He captures the most important images of the 20th century, and technically, they are a disaster. They are blurry. They are grainy. They are imperfect. And that is exactly why they matter.In this episode, Patrick explores the physics of light, the "hostage negotiation" of the exposure triangle, and why we are so terrified of grain. We look at how the market has colonized our vision, leading us to trade atmosphere for information and "safe" images for honest ones.Most importantly, Patrick confesses to "art directing" his own daughter's childhood—prioritizing perfect light over real memories—and asks if it's possible to trade competence back for presence.In this episode, we talk about:The story of the "Magnificent Eleven" and Robert Capa’s D-Day photos.The Physics of Light: Why the exposure triangle is a hostage situation.Why ISO is like the volume knob on cheap speakers.The "Cultural Clean": Why Instagram and modern cinema feel so flat.A personal confession: Killing the moment to save the exposure.Why "Denoise" is the enemy of the soul.Support the Show: If you enjoy these ramblings, or if this episode made you feel slightly less guilty about your grainy photos, consider fueling the next one. You can buy me a coffee (or let's be honest, a beer) to help keep the mics on and the existential spirals coming.Fuel the Mess: terriblephotographer.com/supportLinks & Resources:Website: terriblephotographer.comEmail the Show: [email protected] — Send questions, thoughts, or hate mail. I read everything.Credits:Episode Photo: Hulki Okan TabakMusic: Blue Dot SessionsSound Effects: Epidemic Sound

In 1863, the Paris Salon rejected Édouard Manet's The Luncheon on the Grass for being too messy, too flat, too "unfinished." Today, it's one of the most important paintings in art history. Meanwhile, the "perfect" paintings that won the medals? Nobody remembers them.In this episode, we're deconstructing the biggest question photographers face: What makes a photo "good"? How do we measure it? Who decides? And why do we keep building portfolios that are technically perfect but emotionally dead?This is the first episode in a new mid-week series called "Basics, Deconstructed" we take the elementary concepts of photography and tear them down until we find the bone.In This Episode:Why technical perfection is the enemy of artThe difference between "High Notes" (sharpness, perfect skin tones) and "Bass Notes" (the blur, the shadow, the grit)What happened when an art buyer tore apart my "perfect" portfolioHow to stop shooting out of fear and start shooting out of soulThe hardest lesson: being shrewd enough to interrupt the performanceKey Quote:"I don't hire photographers to be commercial. I hire technicians to be sharp. I hire photographers to make me feel something."Contact & Support:📧 Email: [email protected] (Questions, thoughts, hate mail—I respond to everything.)🎵 Music: epidemicsound.com☕ Support the show: https://www.terriblephotographer.com/support📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/terriblephotographer📬 Newsletter (Pub Notes): https://the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fb

In this episode, I talk about the question that has been following me around like a stray dog with abandonment issues:“What am I doing wrong?”A late-night Zoom call.A missed phone call that might have cost me a job.Fabric mocking me at 2 AM.Postponing Christmas.Pretending patience is a virtue when really it’s just a financial liability.This one is not a framework or a lesson.It is a confession.A pressure valve.A look at the part of the creative journey nobody posts about because it is messy and embarrassing and makes you question whether you even belong in the room.We get into:Saying yes to work you should have said no toAnxiety disguised as professionalismThe career panic nobody warns you aboutThe gap between what we preach and what we actually doWhat our kids see when we are barely holding it togetherThe tension between craft, performance, and being humanIf you have ever wondered whether you are behind, off-track, or quietly failing your way through your creative life, this episode is for you.Music Provided by:https://www.epidemicsound.comSupport the ShowIf the podcast means something to you, or if it helps you feel a little less alone in this creative circus, you can support the show here:https://www.terriblephotographer.com/supportYour support keeps the lights on, the episodes coming, and the midnight fabric-styling breakdowns to a minimum. Thank you for being part of this.

This is the episode I’ve been avoiding.Not because I don’t have an opinion about AI — but because I have too many feelings about it. Gratitude. Fear. Anger. Wonder. All tangled together.AI has become my external brain — a tool that helps me function, organize, even parent. And at the same time, it’s the thing that might end my career.In this episode, I talk honestly about what Adobe’s new AI tools mean for photographers, artists, and the humans behind the craft. About the moment when “photo editing” turns into “people editing.” And about what we lose when images no longer require someone to be there — to see, to choose, to feel.Because when everything becomes generated, the rarest thing left might just be the real.This isn’t a tech breakdown. It’s a gut check.In This Episode:The paradox of AI as both accessibility and threatAdobe’s new AI tools and what they mean for photographersThe difference between CGI in film and AI in photographyConsent, ethics, and the human line in image manipulationThe fear of becoming irrelevant — and the deeper truth underneathWhy the practice of photography still matters more than the productHow to reclaim your craft in the age of automationFeatured Voices:A few members of The Terrible Community share how AI makes them feel — not what they think about it.“AI is lazy… it’s not intelligent, it’s just reflecting us — all our bias, all our noise — and pretending it’s something new.”Light Leak:Go make something where the practice is the point.Shoot something you’ll never post.Feel the weight of the camera in your hand — that’s what real still feels like.Because that’s the thing they can’t generate.That’s the thing they can’t take from you.Listen If You’ve Ever Thought:“AI is helping me — and that scares me.”“What’s the point of creating when machines can do it faster?”“I’m grateful for this tech… and I hate that I’m grateful.”“I miss when photography still felt like something.”Credits:Written & Narrated by: Patrick ForeProduced by: The Terrible PhotographerCommunity Voicemails: Members of The Terrible ListMusic & Sound Design: Blue Dot SessionsRobots by Flight of the Concords (1-minute)Connect:🖤 terriblephotographer.com🎙️ Leave a voicemail for future episodes: terriblephotographer.com/voicemail📰 Join the newsletter: The Terrible List📸 Instagram: @theterriblephotographer

Episode 34 | November 2025I was in my garage last Tuesday, shooting beef tallow. Yes, beef tallow—jarred cow fat with a marketing department. And while I'm adjusting highlights on solidified animal fat for the fourth time, I'm thinking: I used to shoot for Rolling Stone. What happened?Then my friend Candice texted. An illustrator in St. Louis. I asked how business was going."Everything is a garbage fire out there."And that's when I realized: we're both drowning. But for completely opposite reasons.She doesn't have enough work. I have plenty of work—just the wrong work. And neither of us could shake the feeling that something bigger was happening.So I dug into the data. Economic reports, central bank surveys, and consumer debt studies. And what I found explains why so many freelancers feel like they're either sprinting or sinking right now.The economy didn't just slow down. It split in half.What You'll Learn in This Episode:The Three-Restaurant EconomyWhy Restaurant Two (the middle market) closed and nobody told youWhere the money actually went (and who's still spending)Why some creatives are drowning in commodity work while others have empty calendarsThe Economic Data (Made Human)The US service sector flatlined in September 2025 (ISM hit 50.0)37% of European businesses postponed investment plans84% of people with credit card debt are cutting non-essentialsThe top 20% now account for two-thirds of all consumptionWhat to Actually Do TomorrowHow to audit your clients into three categories (A, B, C)Three questions to ask yourself this weekThe 80/20 split that keeps you saneWhere to find recession-resistant work (even if it's unglamorous)Why Craft Still MattersWhat my daughter Lucy's drawings taught me about showing upMy brother Charlie's legacy (and why it has nothing to do with accolades)Why being strategic doesn't mean becoming cynicalTimestamps:00:00 - Cold Open: Beef Tallow in My Garage08:45 - The Text Message That Changed Everything12:30 - The Three-Restaurant Economy (The Metaphor)18:20 - The Economic Data: What Actually Happened26:15 - Why We're Both Drowning31:40 - Where the Money Actually Is (Three Specific Markets)38:50 - What to Actually Do Tomorrow (Tactical Actions)48:20 - The Productivity Lie (And the Stoic Response)53:10 - The Shadow Question (What Are You Actually Ashamed Of?)58:30 - Why This Still Matters (Lucy, Charlie, and Showing Up)01:06:45 - OutroKey Takeaways:The middle market collapsed. The clients with mid-tier budgets who valued creative work—many of them can't access credit or have cut discretionary spending. That's not a personal failure. That's structural economics.You're either at Restaurant One or Restaurant Three. Commodity work (fast and cheap) or luxury/corporate work (selective and high-end). Restaurant Two is closed.Three sectors are still hiring aggressively: IT (35%), Finance/Real Estate (32%), Healthcare/Life Sciences (28%). Target them.The 80/20 rule saves your sanity: 80% of your energy goes to work that pays bills. 20% goes to work that feeds your soul. Stop trying to make every project be both.Craft matters, even when the client doesn't. Showing up with integrity to unsexy work isn't settling. It's professionalism. And it's what keeps you in the game.Resources Mentioned:Economic Data Sources:ISM Services Index (September 2025)European Central Bank Credit Standards Survey (Q3 2025)Consumer Debt Studies (2025)Strategic Frameworks:Marcus Aurelius on control (Meditations)The 80/20 split for creative sustainabilityThree-category client audit (A/B/C framework)What's Next:If this episode resonated with you, text a fellow creative and ask them: "How are you? Really?" Because the loneliest part of this moment isn't the struggle—it's the belief that you're the only one struggling.And if you want to talk more about navigating the bifurcated creative economy, hit me up on Instagram @patrickfore or email me at [email protected] garbage fire is real. But so are we.About The Terrible Photographer Podcast:This is a show for creative humans navigating the messy reality of making work that matters while also paying rent. We talk about identity, craft, failure, and the absurdity of the creative industry—with radical honesty and zero bullshit.If you're tired of toxic positivity and gear reviews, you're in the right place.More Episodes: http://terriblephotographer.comBook: Lessons From a Terrible Photographer (coming Dec 2025)Credits:Hosted, Written, and Produced by: Patrick ForeMusic: Epidemic SoundRecorded in: San Diego, CaliforniaSupport the show: If this episode helped you, the best thing you can do is share it with another creative who needs to hear it. Word of mouth keeps this show alive.

Have you ever shared something you were excited about only to have it met with "yeah, maybe" or "how are you going to monetize that?"In this episode, I sit down with a story that's been eating at me for weeks — a conversation at a coffee shop that revealed something uncomfortable about regret, haunted creatives, and the ghosts of unmade work.This isn't about toxic positivity or hustle culture. It's about understanding the difference between someone who's tired and someone who's haunted. Between love and regret. Between the people who will protect your ideas and the ones who will kill them — often without realizing it.And if I'm honest, it's about recognizing when we become those people ourselves.In This EpisodeThe Coffee Shop Moment A conversation with a photographer friend that starts with excitement and ends with something closer to mourning.The Difference Between Tired and Haunted Why some people poke holes in your ideas — and it has nothing to do with you.Three Faces of HauntingThe perfectionist paralyzed by an impossible visionThe silent avoider who pretends not to see your successThe one with all the resources who just... doesn'tThe Idea Graveyard My own confession: the photo essay about my hometown that will never exist, and what it taught me about shelf life.Love vs. Regret How my wife Jaimi saved me from launching a business I didn't actually want — and how to tell the difference between questions that protect you and questions that undermine you.The Physics of Regret How other people's ghosts create friction that converts your creative momentum into heat, defensiveness, and eventual paralysis.Protecting Your Butterflies Practical strategies for guarding your ideas and building a "Go" list instead of a "Know" list.Key TakeawaysIdeas have a life of their own — and a shelf life. They don't wait for you to be ready."Yeah, maybe" is the sound of a butterfly dying.Tired people say, "I'm exhausted, but that sounds amazing." Haunted people poke holes.The dream can become the cage — perfectionism is just another form of paralysis.Friction is cumulative: each skeptical question converts your creative energy into defensive heat.Most haunted people aren't villains. They're good people carrying ghosts.The only thing worse than starting something and failing is not starting something at all.Quotable Moments"He wasn't trying to kill my idea. He was mourning his own.""When your idea gets that big, that expensive, that unreachable — it becomes a shield. The dream has become the cage.""Ideas have a shelf life. They start fresh, urgent, necessary. Leave them too long, they spoil.""Haunted people ask questions to protect themselves. People who love you ask questions to protect you.""Friction converts kinetic energy into heat. Your momentum gets converted into defensiveness. Your creative energy burns off as anxiety.""The only thing worse than starting something and failing... is not starting something at all." — Seth Godin"You can't hitch your momentum to parked cars."The Light Leak AssignmentMake two lists:List One: The Haunted People who respond to your excitement with skepticism, apathy, or "yeah, maybe." They don't get access to your butterflies.List Two: The Builders The ones who finish, ship, say "fuck yes," and offer help instead of obstacles. These are your people.Stop pitching to List One. Guard your butterflies. Feed them only to people who still believe they're real.Concepts Explored:Friction (physics)Ideas as living things with shelf livesHaunted vs. tired creativesThe "Go" list vs. "Know" listQuote: "The only thing worse than starting something and failing... is not starting something at all." — Seth GodinConnect With PatrickWebsite: patrickfore.comInstagram: @patrickforePodcast: The Terrible PhotographerBook: Lessons From a Terrible Photographer (coming soon)CreditsHost & Producer: Patrick ForeEpisode Photography: Amy Humphries Find Amy on Instagram: @amyjoyhumphriesMusic Licensed Through:Epidemic SoundBlue Dot SessionsSupport The ShowIf this episode resonated with you, here's how you can help:Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it helps other people find the showShare this episode with someone who needs to hear itSubscribe so you don't miss future episodesSend me a DM on Instagram and tell me which list you're onA Note From PatrickThis episode has been living in my head for weeks. The coffee shop conversation happened months ago, but it took me this long to understand what it was really about.I hope this gives you permission to protect your ideas. To say "fuck yes" to butterflies when they land on your shoulder. And to stop asking permission from people who stopped saying yes a long time ago.Thanks for being here.Until next Tuesday — stay curious, stay courageous, and yeah, stay terrible.— PatrickThe Terrible Photographer is a podcast for creative humans navigating the messy reality of making work that matters. We don't do hustle culture. We don't do toxic positivity. We do honest conversations about creativity, identity, and finding your voice.

You ever buy a twenty-two-dollar airport sandwich and convinced yourself it was worth it?That’s what this week’s episode is about — except the sandwich is a photography competition.In Gold Star, Patrick unpacks his love-hate relationship with the American Photographic Artists’ Untitled competition — and what it reveals about the creative world’s obsession with approval. From spreadsheets of judges to award-show absurdities like the Oscars and Grammys, this episode digs into why artists still crave validation from systems they don’t even believe in.It’s funny, frustrated, and a little too honest — a meditation on why we keep chasing the gold stars that will never love us back.Featuring a clip from Jim Carrey’s Golden Globes speech, a story about Patrick’s first Houston Addy Award, and a Light Leak that challenges you to make something that doesn’t need anyone’s permission to exist.You’ll hear about:Why creative competitions feel like overpriced validationThe psychology of approval and the decay of validationWhat Jim Carrey can teach us about artistic hungerHow to stop mistaking opportunity for illusionWhy the real reward is the right to keep doing the workMentioned in this episode:American Photographic Artists (APA Untitled Competition)Jim Carrey’s 2016 Golden Globes speechThe Addy Awards (American Advertising Federation)Rick Rubin, Diane Arbus, Van Gogh, Tom SachsLight Leak: The Paradox of the WorkWhat if you stopped making work for judges, algorithms, and invisible audiences — and started making the thing that’s too honest to explain?

Why creatives stay stuck, even when the door’s wide open.We all want freedom. Creative freedom, emotional freedom, professional freedom. But here’s the thing nobody tells you:You can be free… and still live like you’re caged.In this episode, I break down the three invisible cages every creative person ends up pacing:The Industry Cage – tribes, gear cults, status games, and the performance of “real” photographer-nessThe Creative Cage – safety disguised as style, repetition disguised as voice, consistency as comfortThe Personal Cage – the scariest one of all: the refusal to put yourself in the workIt starts with a pacing lioness in San Diego, makes a detour through childhood Masonic mystery, and ends in a gallery in LA with a man named Jesse and a story I still can’t shake.If you’ve ever felt trapped by your own success, your style, your niche, or your silence… this one’s for you.Light Leak Assignment:Choose your cage.Take one honest step outside it.Before the week ends.No excuses.Listen if you’ve ever said:“I feel like I’m just doing the same thing over and over.”“I’m scared to change because I finally found something that works.”“I don’t know how to put myself in my work.”Support the Show:This show is 100% listener-supported, which means I’m not selling presets, funnel hacks, or “ten ways to make six figures with your camera.”But if the episode made you feel something — if it helped you name the cage — I’d love your support.👉 terriblephotographer.com/supportThree amazing humans have already joined. Be the fourth. Let’s get weird and honest together.Episode Topics:Cult psychology and the photo industryThe seduction of gear tribes and online identityWhy consistency might be killing your creativityWhat we’re really afraid of when we avoid vulnerabilityThe lioness who still walks her old cageWhat Jesse taught me in a room full of polite creatives🔗 Other Mentions:Episode 28: The Tyranny of Okay – Why Most Creative Work is Just work (I actually listed this as Episode 27 in the episode, but it's Episode 28)Terror, Love, and Brainwashing by Alexandra SteinThe Boxcar Children (yes, really)The real cost of not evolvingStay curious. Stay courageous. And yeah… stay terrible.

A milestone. And maybe the most uncomfortable episode I've made so far.A few weeks ago, I sent an email to thirty photographers I know. I asked them one question: What's your dirty little secret? The thing you'd never admit publicly. The thought that lives in the back of your brain at 3 AM.I told them it would be anonymous. I just wanted the truth.And I got a lot of responses.This episode is about those secrets. The ones we carry alone. The ones that make us feel like frauds, or failures, or like we've made a massive mistake.Some of these might be mine. I'm not telling you which ones.But they're all real. And if you've thought any of them, you're not alone.The Eight SecretsThe Gatekeeping - "I resent [X] photographers and think I'm better than them."The Copycat - "I don't know how to make anything original."The Performance - "I'm not as busy as I make it look."The House of Cards - "I'm one accident away from losing everything."The Golden Handcuffs - "I would walk away if I could afford it."The Minimum Effort - "I'm just trying to get the work out the door."The Burnout - "I don't care about photography anymore."The Long Game - "I'm terrified I won't be able to retire."Mentioned in This EpisodeLeslie's Podcast: Niche to Meet YouA great show about finding your creative lane. Check it out.Support The ShowThis show costs money to make—hosting fees, software, time. If you're getting value from it and want to help keep it going, you can support the show here:terriblephotographer.com/supportThe show's free. It's staying free. But if you want to chip in, I appreciate it.Stay Connected📸 Instagram: @terriblephotographer📧 Newsletter: Subscribe to PubNotes🌐 Website: terriblephotographer.comCreditsMusic:Licensed through Blue Dot Sessions"Secret" by The PiercesHosted, Written, and Produced by: Patrick ForeYour TurnWrite down one secret. One thing you've never said out loud. Not for Instagram. Not for anyone else. Just for you.Take it out of the dark and look at it in the light.You don't have to solve it. You just have to stop pretending it's not there.If this episode resonated with you, share it with another creative who needs to hear it. And if you want to support the show, leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps more than you know.

Have you ever had a day where you told yourself you were “busy”… but couldn’t actually remember what you did? I know I have. Hours lost to scrolling, inboxes, half-finished tasks — and somehow at the end of it, I’m exhausted but nothing’s really done.In this episode of The Terrible Photographer Podcast, I go after the two liars in my head who keep me trapped in that fake middle ground:Hustle Harry — the voice that shames you into guilt if you’re not grinding nonstop.Lazy Laura — the voice that convinces you procrastination counts as rest.Neither one delivers real work. Neither one delivers real rest. And both are lying to us.Instead, I want to talk about presence — the kind my Border Collie, Loki, embodies every time he drops into that crouch and locks onto a tennis ball like it owes him money. Which leads to…⏱️ The Light Leak (36:40): The Loki Method — a simple, one-task-at-a-time rebellion against hustle culture and procrastination. Full attention, sacred focus, and real rest are scheduled like it actually matters.This episode is about rediscovering focus, dignity in the ordinary, and finding a way to work present instead of just working harder.If you’ve ever felt stuck between fake productivity and fake rest, this one’s for you.Music provided by Blue Dot Sessions

What if the most radical thing you can say about your creative work is: it’s okay?In this episode, Patrick dives into the beige middle of creative life — the 80% of days that aren’t fireworks or disasters. He tears into LinkedIn’s toxic lobster-and-champagne highlight reel, confesses his late-night burger-level Photoshop grinds, and introduces us to Sarah, a catering coordinator who redefined what “ordinary work” can mean.Along the way you’ll hear:Why “do what you love and you’ll never work a day” is weapons-grade bullshitThe LinkedIn Lobster Problem: how performative self-promotion makes our Tuesdays feel like failureSarah’s story — the quiet hero who showed Patrick what it means to find dignity in the ordinaryStoic wisdom on work, meaning, and why you are more than your jobThe burger vs. lobster framework for understanding creative life (and why burgers matter more than we admit)This isn’t an episode about settling. It’s about survival, dignity, and gratitude for the work that keeps us human.The tyranny was never that work is ordinary. The tyranny was believing ordinary wasn’t enough.👉 Listen if: you’ve ever felt guilty for not loving every second of your “dream job,” or you’re tired of pretending passion is renewable.👉 Stay for: a story that will make you grateful for the burger on your plate.Resources & MentionsViktor Frankl, Man’s Search for MeaningEpictetus & Marcus Aurelius, on the dignity of ordinary workSimone Weil, on attention as generosityConnect with PatrickThe Terrible Photographer NewsletterInstagramCreditsEpisode photo by Amirali MirhashemianMusic licensed through Blue Dot Sessions

A New York–based commercial portrait photographer (big clients, covers, immaculate work) asked to talk. What came out wasn’t a portfolio review—it was a confession: he hasn’t made anything for himself in over a year, and he’s exhausted from performing passion he doesn’t feel. This episode is a permission slip for the photographers—and all creative workers—secretly pricing escape routes at 2 a.m. We talk about the unsaid epidemic of burnout, the grief under AI “efficiency,” and three practical permissions to help you stop performing and start feeling again. If you need someone to say it: you’re allowed to quit the version of creativity that’s killing you.What you’ll hearThe “booked and blessed” performance vs. the honest reality of burnoutWhy so many photographers feel like they’re always “rushing or dragging” (yes, that scene)AI grief: mourning the death of mystery without romanticizing gatekeepingThree permissions:Quit the job that killed the artist (without quitting art)Be mediocre while you remember why you startedCreate for yourself firstA one-week “Light Leak” experiment to rekindle curiosity—no audience allowedChapter guide00:00 — Cold Open: The Zoom call that said the quiet part out loud03:40 — Intro: Why honesty feels dangerous in our industry08:10 — Act I: The Unspoken Pandemic (burnout as a system problem)13:30 — Whiplash Clip: “Rushing or dragging?” (context + reflection)15:10 — Act II: AI Grief (loss of mystery, craft vs. club, why cracks matter)23:40 — Music Moment: Johnny Cash’s “Hurt” and the beauty in brokenness26:10 — Vivian Maier: Calling vs. career; imperfect images that breathe31:20 — Act III: The Three Permissions (with Campbell & practical frames)39:30 — Light Leak: The 7-day private-making experiment43:15 — Close: Choosing living over performing (and why the camera will wait)Times are approximate—use them as chapters in your host.The Light Leak (listener assignment)For the next 7 days, make one thing a day that no one sees but you. No posting, no portfolio, no feedback. Just curiosity. If you want to break the rules publicly, tag #StayTerrible—but the real win is remembering what it feels like to make without an audience.Pull quotes“You can quit being a photographer without quitting photography.”“Maybe your creative career needs to die so your creative voice can live.”“We’re mourning the death of mystery—and that grief is real.”“You were an artist before you had an audience. You still are.”Resources & referencesWhiplash (2014) — “Rushing or dragging?” rehearsal-room clipFinding Vivian Maier (2013) — trailer & storyJohnny Cash — “Hurt” (cover of Nine Inch Nails)Johnny Paycheck — “Take This Job and Shove It”Joseph Campbell — ego death/transformation arc (Hero’s Journey themes)Rick Rubin — strategic elimination (remove what doesn’t serve the truth)Music & audio credit“Take This Job and Shove It” — Johnny Paycheck (used ~60s after intro)“Hurt” — Johnny Cash (used ~30s for commentary)Film clip: “Rushing or Dragging” from Whiplash (brief excerpt for critique)Trailer audio: Finding Vivian Maier (brief excerpt for commentary)Additional music provided and licensed through Green Dot SessionsAll third-party audio remains the property of its respective rights holders; brief excerpts are used under fair use for commentary/critique.Episode Photography by Filip Mroz | UnsplashWho this episode is forCommercial photographers, portrait shooters, freelancers, art directors, and any creative who’s tired of performing passion while running on empty—and needs permission to step off the treadmill without abandoning their voice.Stay connectedIf this hit a nerve, share it with one photographer who needs the permission too.Newsletter & Field Notes: terriblephotographer.comIG: @terriblephotographer • @patrickforeBusiness inquiries & notes: [email protected]

One meditation. One burning question. One reminder you’re not alone. Every Wednesday in your inbox — shorter, sharper, and more honest than I could ever be in a long essay.Subscribe to Pub Notes: terriblephotographer.comSome days the world is too loud, too endless. You don’t need another lecture. You need a pint, a hard truth, and a line you can actually carry into tomorrow.This week’s episode is an experiment I’m calling Pub Meditations — three acts, two meditations per act. Six in total. Each one pulled from the episodes that hit hardest this year, reimagined as something shorter, sharper, and closer to the way the Stoics wrote: notes to survive the day.In the cold open, I borrow the first couple minutes from Ryan Holiday’s The Daily Stoic — a podcast I can’t recommend enough. Ryan’s voice is where I first realized Stoicism wasn’t about flatlining your emotions, it was about surviving chaos with your humanity intact. Go listen, subscribe, and keep a notebook handy.What’s inside this episode:Act I: Survival as strength training (Still Here · Dim, Not Done)Act II: The inner fight (Your Brain Is the Biggest Dick · In the Shadows)Act III: Defiance through beauty (The Light Hits Back · We Work, Rome Burns)Line you carry: Survival. Shadows. Light. Beauty. The tools haven’t changed in two thousand years — keep it short, keep it sharp, keep it honest.CreditsExcerpt from The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday — listen hereMusic throughout by Green Dot Sessions

Every kid asks their art teacher, “Is it good?”—and most of us never stop. In this episode, Patrick sits in Lucy’s middle-school art room and realizes he’s still chasing the same answer on high-stakes sets: watching client faces, parsing murmurs behind a monitor, riding the narcotic of approval.We get into the modern authorities—clients, algorithms, mood boards—and the way we internalize them until we’re grading ourselves before anyone else can. We talk Gordon Parks, who lived the tension between immaculate Vogue spreads (noble, beautiful, necessary) and dangerous truth-telling (American Gothic, segregation, Malcolm X). We bring in Tolstoy’s blunt metric for art—sincerity that transmits feeling—and then admit the hypocrisy of needing authority to say “ignore authority.”Finally, we bring it home with practical footholds for working photographers and every other creative human: how to hold the tension between survival and legacy, how to make room for truth without burning down your life, and what it looks like to start small, local, and personal—today.Chapter markers (suggested)00:00 — Cold open: the middle-school art room03:20 — “When did we stop trusting the thing that made us create?” (Harter, Amabile)06:10 — “How do we determine art’s value?” (the parent exchange)012:00 — Act 1: LED volume in L.A., approval as a drug17:41 — Act 2: Gordon Parks—safe vs. true, and why both matter25:46 — Act 3: The new authorities—clients, algorithms, and the gatekeeper in your head31:54 — Act 4: Returning to the first voice—practical ways to start36:105— Closing benediction: “F*ck good. Make something true.”Key takeawaysSafe work isn’t the villain. It’s noble, beautiful, and necessary—it funds the life that makes true work possible.Truth-telling is risky by nature. It may not pay, but it’s the only work that lasts.Modern authority isn’t a red pen; it’s an algorithm—and the voice you internalized.You don’t need Tolstoy’s, your teacher’s, or Patrick’s approval. They don’t know you.Start where you are: one photo that feels like yours, even if no one ever sees it.Practical prompts (do one this week)Wedding shooter (Denver): deliver the must-haves—then make one photograph no one asked for that tells an unglamorous, honest truth from the day.Parent (Dubuque): document the mess before you clean it. Title it. Date it. Keep it.Teacher (Phoenix): photograph the moment a student finally gets it—or doesn’t.Everyone: set aside 30 minutes for a “no-client walk.” One frame that’s yours.Pull quotes“Safe pays the bills. Truth leaves scars.”“Good is the waiting-room soft pop of creativity.”“Don’t confuse survival with legacy.”“Stop chasing good. Make something true.”References & shout-outsGordon Parks — Vogue fashion work and American Gothic (Ella Watson).Leo Tolstoy, What Is Art? — art as sincere transmission of feeling.Susan Harter — self-concept shift (ages ~7–8); external evaluation enters.Teresa Amabile — external evaluation narrows creativity and originality.LED volume productions mentioned: The Mandalorian, The Batman.Note: contains explicit language.New listener compassNew here? This isn’t “business hacks to win in 2025.” We go deep on the real life of making honest work while paying bills—sometimes deadly serious, sometimes ridiculous. Photographers, designers, teachers, parents—if you’re trying to lead a meaningful life, solve interesting problems, and make beautiful things, you’re in the right place. Try: Ep. 5 Still Here (hopeful), Ep. 19 The Job I Hate the Least (funny), Ep. 17 The Technician (identity & reinvention).CreditsHost/Writer: Patrick ForeMusic: Licensed via Blue Dot Sessions & Epidemic SoundSupport the show: Buy me a coffee → https://buymeacoffee.com/terriblephotographer

A podcaster recently told me this show was "really dark." So today, we're leaning into that darkness—because that seemed way more fun.This episode is about shadow work. Not the Instagram version. The real version. The kind that happens when you realize the thing limiting your creative work isn't technical skill—it's the parts of yourself you've been hiding from.Through David Bowie's near-destruction during his Thin White Duke era and his eventual disappearance to Berlin, we explore what it actually looks like to confront the buried parts of creative identity. Plus the story of a wedding photographer who missed the most important moment of the day—not because she wasn't skilled enough, but because she wasn't emotionally ready.This isn't comfortable. It's not content-ready. But it might be exactly what your creative work needs to become whole.In This EpisodeThe Australian Podcaster's Question - What happens when someone calls your work "really dark"Bowie's Shadow Period - Los Angeles, 1975. Red peppers, milk, mountains of cocaine, and the creation of an "emotionless Aryan superman"The Berlin Disappearance - How the world's biggest rock star chose to vanish and why that wasn't the failure—it was the beginningJung's Shadow Theory - The psychological framework that explains why we hide parts of ourselves (and how it shows up in creative work)The Wedding Photographer's Dilemma - When professional distance becomes emotional cowardiceThe Five Creative Shadow Territories - Where every creative person hides parts of themselves:The Fear ShadowThe Identity ShadowThe Creative ShadowThe Power ShadowThe Authenticity ShadowPersonal Excavation - Why I hate shooting events (and what teenage depression has to do with adult creative limitations)The Integration Process - Shadow dialogue, creative audits, and the difference between working around wounds versus working with themKey TakeawaysThe shadow isn't your enemy—it's your undeveloped creative selfWhat you avoid photographing reveals more than what you shootProfessional distance can be emotional cowardice in disguiseYour creative limitations might be survival strategies from decades agoIntegration isn't about fixing yourself—it's about letting buried parts speakMentioned in This EpisodeCarl Jung - Swiss psychoanalyst who developed shadow theory David Bowie - Particularly his Thin White Duke period (1975-1976) and Berlin years Carlos Alomar - Bowie's guitarist who observed his creative process during the shadow periodCommunityShare your shadow work discoveries using #TerribleShadowsDon't share the polished answers—share the parts of you you're just beginning to reclaim.Music Credits"Heroes" by David Bowie (approximately 1 minute used) Additional music licensed through Blue Dot SessionsIf This Episode Hit You…Leave a review on Apple Podcasts.Share it with someone who hides behind the work.Or drop me a note and tell me what question you can’t stop thinking about.Follow the podcast📸 terriblephotographer.com📬 Subscribe to Field Notes (The Terrible Newsletter)📷 Instagram: @terriblephotographerA Note About This EpisodeThis episode deals with themes of depression, anxiety, and psychological shadow work. It's designed to be therapeutic rather than triggering, but please listen with care for your own mental health needs.If you're doing this work and it brings up difficult emotions, consider speaking with a mental health professional who can provide proper support.Stay haunted. Stay human. And yeah... stay terrible.

Community & FeedbackTake the Listener Survey: What kind of episodes do you want more of? Your feedback directly shapes future content. 🔗 Complete the survey hereShare Your Story: Have you experienced professional compartmentalization? The cognitive whiplash between personal crisis and work demands? Share your story—email or leave us a voicemailWhat happens when you have to switch from consuming apocalyptic news to selling creative services in the span of 10 minutes? Patrick explores the cognitive whiplash we've all learned to navigate—that jarring ability to temporarily forget the world's chaos and focus on the work at hand. From photographing weddings while your own relationship crumbles to creating lifestyle campaigns while democracy feels fragile, this episode examines the emotional labor of compartmentalization and asks whether our growing skill at "professional forgetting" is survival mechanism or something more troubling.Featuring insights from trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk on collective trauma, plus permission-giving wisdom about maintaining joy and connection during uncertain times—not despite what's happening, but because of it.What You'll LearnHow to navigate emotional whiplash between personal reality and professional demandsThe three layers of reality creative professionals must hold simultaneouslyWhy compartmentalization isn't fake—it's selective authenticityThe psychological research behind collective trauma and why maintaining normal life is neurological necessityPermission to laugh, celebrate, and live fully while staying aware of larger strugglesPractical frameworks for moving between realities without losing your humanityKey Takeaways"That's the rhythm now. That whiplash. The emotional split screen. It's been the soundtrack of the last few years.""You have permission to laugh at dinner with friends while democracy feels fragile. You have permission to celebrate your small wins while staying aware of larger struggles.""Every time you choose connection over isolation, joy over despair, presence over paralysis—you're saying no to the forces that profit from keeping people scared, disconnected, and unable to think clearly."Episode Timestamps[0:00] Cold Open: The Morning News Mistake[2:15] Intro & Survey Results Discussion[4:30] Act I: The Emotional Gear-Shift[8:45] The Professional Face We All Wear[12:20] Personal Stories: Cancer Diagnosis, BMW Client, Wedding Paradox[18:10] Act II: The Compartmentalization Framework[19:15] The Three-Layer Reality[22:30] Selective Authenticity vs. Professional Performance[26:45] Act III: The Strange Comfort of Craft[28:00] Why Work Matters When Nothing Makes Sense[31:20] NEW: The Permission to Keep Living (feat. van der Kolk research)[35:10] Light Leak: Your Compartmentalization Audit[38:45] Closing: The Choice Between Resistance and SurrenderResources & ReferencesResearchers & Thinkers Mentioned:Bessel van der Kolk - The Body Keeps the Score, collective trauma researchRam Dass - "Be here now," presence and consciousness teachingsJoseph Campbell - Hero's journey, mythological wisdomNoam Chomsky - Systems analysis, intellectual self-defenseAudio Sources:Brief clip from The Daily podcast (The New York Times) used under fair useMusic licensed through Blue Dot SessionsFor Creative ProfessionalsThis episode applies whether you're:Managing teams while dealing with personal stressTeaching children while processing anxiety about the futureProviding healthcare while worried about systemic collapseCreating art while navigating financial insecurityBuilding a business while questioning larger systemsThe pattern is universal: How do you show up fully for the work in front of you while carrying awareness of everything else happening?ConnectWebsite: terriblephotographer.comInstagram: @terriblephotographerEmail: [email protected] & SupportThe Terrible Photographer Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and everywhere podcasts are found. Subscribe for honest conversations about creativity, identity, and finding your voice.

Sometimes creativity has fuck-all to do with your job title.In this episode, Patrick explores why the most dangerous creative minds often don't call themselves artists—they're teachers buying classroom supplies with grocery money, middle managers translating executive gibberish into human language, and baristas solving problems that million-dollar consultants couldn't crack with PowerPoint.Through the story of surgeon Atul Gawande's surgical checklist revolution, we examine how creative problem-solving becomes subversive when it works too well, threatening systems that profit from keeping things broken.What You'll Learn:Why pattern recognition plus intervention courage makes you dangerous to institutionsThe three stages every dangerous creative goes through (and why most people stop at stage one)How "strategically lazy" problem-solving threatens people who've built careers on complexityWhy your creative solutions face resistance even when they obviously workThe economic forces that fight back when you prove alternatives are possibleFeatured Story: The tale of how a Harvard-trained surgeon nearly got blacklisted for suggesting doctors use a checklist—and how his "radical" idea of making sure surgical teams knew each other's names reduced complications by 35%.This episode speaks directly to photographers, CEOs, therapists, teachers, stay-at-home moms, baristas, and anyone else solving problems that others ignore.Atul Gawande TED Talk excerpt: "How do we heal medicine?"Links:Leave a voicemail: terriblephotographer.com/voicemailSubscribe to Field Notes newsletter: the-terrible-photographer.kit.com/223fe471fbMusic: Licensed through Blue Dot Sessions"Creative work that actually changes things doesn't feel like art. It feels like resistance."Episode Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy - Follow his work on Instagram

Every photographer needs permission to suck. And I mean that literally. In this episode, I explore the difference between accidental failure and strategic failure, and why that difference will determine whether you spend your career playing it safe or actually growing into the photographer you're meant to become.From my own lighting disaster at a corporate shoot to Jerry Seinfeld's brutal honesty about audience judgment, we dive into how the greatest creatives use failure as a laboratory for growth. Learn why test shoots are your creative lifeline, how Roger Deakins broke convention to create cinematic magic in Skyfall, and why Ira Glass's famous "gap" between taste and ability is actually a feature, not a bug.Key Topics CoveredThe Anatomy of Avoidable Failure: Why I overcomplicated a simple lighting setup and what it taught me about scouting, team structure, and the control illusionThe Comedy Club Method: How comedians like Jerry Seinfeld test material in low-stakes environments and what photographers can learn from their approachStrategic vs. Random Failure: The four pillars of testing that turn mistakes into dataRoger Deakins' Skyfall Innovation: How the master cinematographer used LED panels as primary lighting to create one of Bond's most iconic scenesThe Ira Glass Creative Gap: Why the distance between your taste and ability never fully closes—and why that's exactly what keeps you growingReframing Failure as Data: How to approach creative setbacks with scientific curiosity instead of personal inadequacyFeatured Audio ClipsJerry Seinfeld - "The Best of Jerry Seinfeld" (Netflix Is A Joke): On the relationship between comedians and their audienceIra Glass - On the creative gap between taste and ability (original clip source unknown)Music CreditsMax Richter - "On The Nature of Daylight" (transitional music)Additional music provided by The Blue Dot Sessions (used under The Blanket License)Additional music provided by Epidemic SoundReferenced Works & PeopleRoger Deakins - Cinematographer (Blade Runner 2049, No Country for Old Men, The Shawshank Redemption, Fargo, 1917, Skyfall)Jerry Seinfeld - Comedian and creator of SeinfeldIra Glass - Host and creator of This American LifeChris Rock - Comedian referenced for his methodical approach to material testingYour AssignmentSchedule a test shoot this month. Not someday when you have more time or better gear, in the next 30 days. Pick one specific thing you want to explore:One lighting technique you're curious aboutOne narrative approach you're afraid to try with clientsOne stylistic choice that feels risky but intriguingWrite it down. Put it on your calendar. Treat it like the professional development it actually is. Give yourself permission to suck spectacularly—because bombing in private is how you learn to shine in public.Connect With The ShowLeave a Voicemail: Share your own creative failures, test shoot discoveries, or questions about strategic experimentation at terriblephotographer.com/voicemailGet Field Notes Newsletter: Weekly insights on creativity, identity, and finding your voice as a photographer. Sign up at terriblephotographer.comResources MentionedTest shoot planning and execution strategiesThe four pillars of strategic failure frameworkEnvironmental lighting philosophy and practical applicationCreative audit questions for identifying growth opportunities

One phone call. One late invoice. One moment of controlled but very real rage. In this episode, I unpack a recent client conflict that left me feeling powerful, anxious, vindicated—and deeply uncomfortable. It’s not about being right. It’s about what happens when your nervous system hijacks your ethics, and you end up blowing up the wrong bridge.Social psychologist Jamie Hughes joins to help me understand what the hell happened inside my brain—and how anger, justice, trauma, dopamine, and freelance stress all get tangled up when money’s tight and respect feels scarce.It’s about accountability. It’s about empathy. It’s about not turning into the thing you’re fighting.“You can’t cuss out the situation. So sometimes, we just need someone to unload our stress on.” — Jamie HughesListen if you’ve ever:Been ghosted by a client after delivering your best work.Sent an email you were 90% sure you’d regret—but hit send anyway.Felt the righteous, electric satisfaction of finally standing up for yourself… and then the quiet shame that followed.Wondered why you get excited when you’re angry, even though your whole body is on fire.Featuring:The HPA axis and why your shoulders hurt when you’re madADHD and justice sensitivity (why fairness feels life-or-death)How financial pressure rewires your empathyWhy anger feels good… and why that should scare youWhat empathy actually looks like when the system sucksThe guilt that follows a justified overreactionSpecial Guest:Jamie HughesSocial Psychologist, Trauma Specialist, and Certified Life Coach📲 @managing.mental.health🔗 Website + Resources: beacons.ai/managing_mental_health📩 Got a story?If you’ve ever burned a bridge and still think about it in the shower five years later, I’d love to hear it.Not to fix it. Not to absolve you. Just to witness it.👉 Email: [email protected]💬 Help Me Be Terrible, Together:If this episode hit you, leave a review on Apple Podcasts. I’ll probably read it on air in the most awkward, self-deprecating way possible.Music Licensed via Epidemic Sound and Artlist.io

There are shoots where everything clicks.The light is magic. The client is chill. The work feels effortless.This episode isn’t about those.Instead, we’re going into the plumbing.Literally.From overflowing toilets in luxury villas to Fortune 500 invoice purgatory, from last-minute gear fails to moments that remind you why you ever picked up a camera in the first place — this one’s for every photographer (and creative) who’s quietly asked themselves:“Wait… is this really the job?”Turns out? It is.But maybe that’s not a bad thing.Because hidden under the chaos, the duct tape, and the missed payments…there’s still something worth fighting for. And sometimes, the most honest thing you can say is:“This is the job I hate the least.”And maybe that’s the most romantic thing you’ll ever say about your career.🧰 Mentioned in this episode:Client disasters (featuring two Kyles, mushroom water, and sewage)Scope creep and hostage negotiation skillsInvoice limbo with billion-dollar brandsA failed choir shoot and a thousand-dollar mistakeThe shoot that broke your heart in the best way possibleWhy the photos are just the receipt📬 Stay connectedIf this episode made you feel seen, stolen from, or slightly less alone—subscribe to The Terrible Newsletter:👉 terriblephotographer.comYou’ll get Field Notes, updates, and the occasional nudge to keep going.🙏 Support the showIf you’re enjoying the podcast, please rate and review it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.It helps more misfit creatives find their way here.And honestly, it just feels good to know someone’s listening.CreditsMusic in this episode is licensed through Epidemic Sound and Artlist.io.Episode Photo by Gryffyn

What happens when the thing you made in the dark suddenly ends up in the spotlight? This week, Patrick gets personal about the strange pressure of being “featured,” and why attention might be the most creatively dangerous drug of all.From a viral photo in the dunes to the slow collapse of chasing relevance, this episode dives into the algorithm’s indifference to honesty, the myth of momentum, and what Johnny Cash’s American Recordings can still teach us about making art that matters.This is for the ones who still believe in disappearing. In pausing. In letting the light hit you… without immediately bottling it.Includes a clip from “The Beast in Me” by Johnny Cash (used with reverence, not profit).All other music licensed via Artist.io.Episode photograph by Casey Horner — Instagram: @mischievous_penguins.

"I thought the work would save me. I was grossly mistaken."What happens when a stranger on Clubhouse calls you a technician instead of an artist? Patrick breaks down the brutal midnight conversation that cracked open everything he thought he knew about his photography career. From the golden handcuffs of corporate work to the humbling reality of freelancing for $650, this episode is about dismantling the fantasy of what creative success looks like.No metaphors. No inspiration porn. Just the uncomfortable truth about technical skill versus authentic voice, and why sometimes the thing you think defines you is actually limiting you.Part one of a two-part series on creative deconstruction and what comes after.In this episode:A photo campaign that felt more like forgeryThe invisible shift from artist to technicianWhy being trusted isn’t the same as being seenThe quiet way burnout creeps inWhat I learned after walking awayLight Leak: A Creative Check-InAre you being hired for your vision, or just your ability to mimic someone else’s?Grab The Darkroom – a free guide to creative clarity and finding your artistic voice terriblephotographer.com/darkroom-downloadMusic licensed via Artlist.ioAudio excerpt from Conan O’Brien’s farewell message on The Tonight Show (2010). Used under fair use for commentary and inspiration. All rights belong to NBC/Universal.Subscribe, support, or scream into the void at: terriblephotographer.comEmail me: [email protected] – I’m always interested to hear your thoughts, ideas, and read hate mail. I respond to every message.Follow: @patrickfore & @terriblephotographer

Everyone loves a comeback story. But what about the part where you’re just… sitting in a garage at 2 a.m., surrounded by half-charged batteries, broken gear, and a growing sense that something inside you might be cracking?This episode isn’t about triumph. It’s about that strange, quiet middle, the one nobody posts about, where you’re not broken, not healed… just angry. Angry at the industry. Angry at yourself. Angry at the space between who you are and who you thought you’d be by now.But that anger? Maybe it’s not a problem to solve. Maybe it’s fuel.Topics Include:The weird middle space between burnout and breakthroughHow anger can be creative fuel—if you let itWhy “healing” and “finding joy” aren’t the pointThe choice to keep working, even when the work feels pointlessDepression, resistance, and what it means to show up anywayOpening Song:“Demons” by The NationalUsed under license. All rights to 4AD Records and the artists.Support the band at: americanmary.comAll other music provided by:🎧 Artlist.ioMentioned in the Episode:A broken laptop standThe hum of depressionThat 2 a.m. garage airThe space where the butterfly might landSubscribe to the Newsletter + Get the Free Download:Want more of this kind of honest, no-BS creative conversation?Subscribe to The Terrible Newsletter and get The Darkroom — a free digital download about making real work in dark seasons. terriblephotographer.com/thedarkroom

What happens when you still love photography but start to wonder if there’s any place left for you in the industry?In this raw, vulnerable episode, Patrick Fore gets brutally honest about what it means to be a working photographer in 2025. From a moment of personal crisis in a cluttered garage to the soul-draining grind of cold outreach and algorithm-chasing, this episode pulls back the curtain on the emotional and existential cost of staying in the game.You’ll hear:Why radical honesty might be the only antidote to creative burnoutThe tension between art and commerce, and why it matters more than everA reflection on the dark side of the photography education economyA personal story about hitting the wall, and choosing not to walk awayA deeper dive into the concept of Flow vs. Resistance, and how to find your way back to meaning in the chaosWhether you’re a full-time freelancer, a weekend warrior, or someone questioning the whole damn thing, this episode isn’t about pretending. It’s about naming the mess, wrestling with it, and finding a way to keep going.📬 Subscribe to Field Notes, the weekly companion to the podcast:https://www.terriblephotographer.com💬 Let’s connect:Instagram @TerriblePhotographerNewsletter: Field Notes (via Substack)Book: Lessons From a Terrible Photographer (coming soon)Email me - [email protected]:This episode contains a referenced clip from “How to enter ‘flow state’ on command” by Steven Kotler for Big Think (Watch here) and a short excerpt (under 30 seconds) from Pixar’s Soul, used to illustrate the concept of creative flow.Music provided by and licensed through Artlist.io.