Unparented

Ten years. That's how long I stayed away from Rochester, the place where I grew up, where my parents died, where my grandparents finished raising me after everything fell apart. I told myself there was nothing left for me there. But the truth? I was running. This episode is different. It's just me. No guest, no interview. Just me telling you about what happened when I finally went back. I took my wife and daughters to Rochester for the first time. I showed them the house I grew up in, the door I took apart as a kid, the deck where I'd eat the salt off pretzels and throw them in the snow. I took my four-year-old daughter to meet her grandpa at the mausoleum. She walked right up and said, "Hi Grandpa, I love you." And I lost it. Then she asked me where my mom was. Four words from the backseat of a rental car that I had no answer to. "I don't know, sweetheart. Daddy doesn't know where she's buried." I didn't go to my mom's funeral. And sitting in that car, unable to answer my daughter's question, wasn't about guilt. It was about not having a place to bring her. No grave, no mausoleum. Just nothing. But here's what I learned: the parts of yourself you think you left behind are never really gone. They're just waiting for you to come back and find them. And going back to the place you've been avoiding might be exactly how you realize how far you've actually come. This one's raw. This one's real. And if you've ever run from a place that hurt you, I think you'll feel this one. In this episode: Why I stayed away from Rochester for 10 years The moment on the plane when it all hit me Taking my daughter to meet her grandpa for the first time The question I couldn't answer: "Where's your mom?" Why I didn't go to my mom's funeral and what that means now How being there unlocked memories I thought were gone Seeing my sister, aunt, and uncle after all these years The difference between running from grief and growing through it What the surfer's mindset taught me about grief and joy Why I'm not afraid anymore Going back to Rochester didn't crush me like I thought it would. It reminded me that grief and life can exist in the same place. That I'm not that scared kid anymore. And that maybe, just maybe, I don't have to run anymore. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🌐 Visit the podcast website: https://unparented.me ✍️ Read more on Substack: https://substack.com/@robertdelfave 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: [email protected] 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

This week, I'm talking with Liam J. Wakefield, a psychotherapist, counseling lecturer, and former British Army soldier who's built his entire practice around a question most of us avoid: what happens when the person you were completely falls apart? Liam lost his mother to abandonment as a child, went to war at 21, and was medically retired from the military after a chronic illness dismantled the identity he'd spent years building. He's faced grief not just from death, but from the loss of self: the fracturing that happens when the architecture of who you are can no longer hold. What makes Liam's work different is that he doesn't see healing as putting yourself back together. He sees it as learning to hold the tension between all the fractured parts: the grieving child, the masked adult, the angry protector, the exhausted survivor. He calls it "the self as continually becoming," and it's completely changed how I think about rebuilding after loss. We talk about the masks we wear to survive, the parts of ourselves we abandon to keep going, and why grief isn't something you get over. It's something you learn to carry differently. Liam also walks me through his "dark house within" practice, a tool he uses to help people visualize and navigate the psychological architecture they've built around their wounds. This conversation is deep, honest, and deeply human. If you've ever felt like you've lost yourself in grief or in just trying to survive, this one will hit. We get into: the abandoned parts of ourselves we leave behind to survive what it means to fracture and why it's not the same as breaking the masks we wear and which "hands" are holding them up his journey from rock and roll to the military to psychotherapy why he believes suffering is an initiation into growth the "dark house within" exercise and how it maps your psyche how children experience grief when their needs aren't met why authenticity is impossible and why that's okay the parliament of parts inside all of us voice dialogue therapy and giving your inner conflicts a voice why time doesn't heal, it just gives perspective how to rebuild psychological architecture after it collapses what it means to become "more than you ever felt possible" Liam's story is a reminder that you're not broken just because you're in pieces. Sometimes the fractures are where the growth happens. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🌐 Learn more about Liam's work: https://liamjwakefield.com 📸 Follow Liam on Instagram: @liamjwakefield 📰 Read Liam's articles in Hinton Magazine 🌐 Visit the podcast website: https://unparented.me ✍️ Read more on Substack: https://substack.com/@robertdelfave 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: [email protected] 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

This week, I'm sitting down with Erica Richmond, a writer, grief guide, and founder of Open Sky Stories. Erica lost her ex-husband to suicide when their kids were just seven and ten. Eleven years later, she lost her dad. She's been living in grief for over a decade and has learned that the only way through it is to let it be as messy as it needs to be. What stands out about Erica is how she's held space for her kids to grieve in their own ways. They made a Lego figurine of their dad and called him Lego Dad. Her youngest drew pictures with his dad in a coffin or as a floating head in the sky. And when her ten year old asked if cremation was done with a laser beam or a flamethrower, she just went with it. Because sometimes that's all you can do. We talk about the exhaustion and blur that comes with grief, how she grew to resent being called resilient, and why dark humor became her family's way of surviving. Erica also shares how writing and creating art helped her process what words alone couldn't touch, and how that eventually became Open Sky Stories, a space for others to do the same. This conversation is honest, funny, and full of the kind of realness that only comes from someone who's been in the thick of it. If you've ever felt like you weren't grieving the right way, this one's for you. We get into: what surprised her most about losing her dad at 49 how her kids expressed grief through play and art the question her son asked about cremation that caught her off guard why she grew to resent being called resilient the blur that comes with grief and what it actually feels like how dark humor became a lifeline for her family the grief group that helped more than she expected why writing and art give her something talking can't what she built with Open Sky Stories what healing means when you're never really over it Erica's story is a reminder that grief doesn't have to look a certain way. Sometimes it looks like Lego Dad. Sometimes it looks like laughing at a meet and greet for dead grandpa. And that's okay. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🌐 Learn more about Erica's work: https://openskystories.com 📸 Follow Erica on Instagram: @openskystories 🌐 Visit the podcast website: https://unparented.me ✍️ Read more on Substack: https://substack.com/@robertdelfave 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: [email protected] 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

This week, I'm sitting down with Sylvia Wolfer, a grief-informed practitioner who has experienced loss on a level that's hard to wrap your head around. She lost her father at seven. Her younger brother at 17. Her older brother at 40. And then her mother a few years later. From a family of six, only Sylvia and one brother remain. What makes this conversation different is how Sylvia has turned all of that loss into something she can actually use. Not just for herself, but for others. After years of being ambushed by grief triggers, she got angry. Not at the loss itself, but at how much grief had taken from her. She felt like she had missed out on time with her older brother because she was still so buried in grief from her younger brother's death. When he died too, something shifted. She decided she was done letting grief run the show. We talk about the neuroscience of grief, what's actually happening in the brain when we lose someone, and why understanding that can be strangely comforting. Sylvia explains the three-dimensional map the brain uses for relationships and why we still reach for the phone to call someone who's gone. She also shares practical tools for managing grief triggers, tending to the body when the heart and mind are overwhelmed, and why she schedules time to grieve on her own terms. This one gets into the science, but it never loses the human side. Sylvia is warm, honest, and somehow still full of love for life after everything she's been through. If you've ever felt like grief has taken too much from you, this conversation might help you start taking some of it back. We get into: what it was like losing her father suddenly at seven years old the gift her dad's death gave her, seeing the good in people why sudden loss is especially hard on the brain the three-dimensional map and why we still want to call people who are gone how she realized her nervous system was completely dysregulated the window of tolerance and how grief shrinks it why she schedules time to grieve instead of letting it ambush her tending to the body when the head and heart are too overwhelmed how she continues relationships with people who are no longer here her digital courses, guided meditations, and writing on grief Sylvia's story is proof that grief doesn't have to take everything. Sometimes, it can be the thing that finally makes you fight back. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🌐 Learn more about Sylvia's work: https://sylviawolfer.com 📸 Follow Sylvia on Instagram 🎧 Sylvia's Voice on Spotify 🎧 Sylvia's Voice on Apple Podcasts 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: [email protected] 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

This week, I'm sitting down with Arnold, a former corporate executive turned brain fitness coach, to talk about what it means to grow up in a home where love wasn't really on the table. His father was a military officer who brought command and control into every corner of family life. His mother, numbed by decades of SSRIs, seemed to exist in her own world. A coach once told Arnold he was "the man who grew up without love," and that phrase hit him like a freight train. Arnold lost his father at 41. He describes it as a liberation, not a loss. The constant weight of never being good enough finally lifted. Years later, he spent eight years caring for his mother as dementia and Parkinson's slowly took over. What surprised him most? He actually liked her more during those final years. With the dementia came something he had never seen before: the real version of his mother, unfiltered by status and expectation. We talk about what it's like to grieve someone you never fully had, how watching a parent decline can spark unexpected purpose, and why Arnold decided to channel all of it into brain fitness. He now helps people optimize their brains before decline ever sets in, because he saw firsthand what happens when prevention isn't part of the conversation. This conversation covers heavy ground, but Arnold doesn't sugarcoat anything. He's honest about the family dynamics that shaped him, the conscious choice to become the opposite of his father, and the daily rituals that keep him grounded now. If you've ever felt like grief made you rebuild your entire identity, this one will resonate. We get into: what it felt like when his father's death brought relief instead of sadness the moment on a bike ride that sparked his mission around brain health why his mother seemed more "real" after dementia set in the conscious decision to care for a mother who had never really cared for him how negative examples can be more powerful than positive ones the inner critic and why being kind to yourself sounds simple but isn't what he would tell anyone watching a parent decline right now why curiosity might be the simplest thing you can do for your brain Arnold's story is a reminder that grief doesn't always look like sadness. Sometimes it looks like freedom. Sometimes it looks like finally becoming the person you were always supposed to be. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🌐 Learn more about Arnold's brain fitness work: https://braingym.fitness 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: [email protected] 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

This week, I’m sitting down with journalist, author, and former CNN Senior Copy Editor John DeDakis to talk about the kind of loss that rearranges everything you think you know about yourself. John lost his mother first. Years later, he watched his father take his final breath right in front of him. He describes the aftermath as feeling “orphaned at 45,” and it became the moment that forced him to confront grief in a way he had avoided for years. John walks through what it felt like to lose the last parent, how childhood memories hit differently once they’re both gone, and the surprising guilt that shows up long after you think you’re doing fine. We talk about what happens to your identity when the people who shaped you are suddenly gone, how men often grieve in silence, and how long it can take to admit that you’re not actually okay. This conversation is raw in the best way. John doesn’t give polished, perfect answers. He tells the truth. The result is a conversation that meets you right where grief usually lives: in the quiet parts of your life that no one sees. We get into: • what it was like to be with his father during his final moments • the anger and shame he carried for years • why losing a parent in adulthood can be harder than people expect • the ways grief sneaks up even decades later • how writing became one of the ways he made meaning • what helps when you can’t “move on” • what he wishes he could tell anyone grieving right now John’s story is honest, painful, and strangely comforting. If you’ve lost one or both parents, you’ll probably hear pieces of your own story in his. That’s the gift of these conversations. They remind you you’re not the only one trying to navigate a life without the people who raised you. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🌐 Learn more about John’s books, writing, and workshops: https://johndedakis.com/ 🎥 Watch John’s interviews and writing discussions on Youtube 💼 Connect with John on LinkedIn 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: [email protected] 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

In this episode of Unparented: A Dead Parents Club Podcast, I sit down with Alan Lazaros, CEO of Next Level University, a global top 100 podcast dedicated to helping others level up in life, love, health, and wealth. Alan lost his father in a car accident when he was just two years old, a loss that created deep pain and a sense of disconnection that would shape his entire journey. Decades later, after surviving his own near-fatal car accident, Alan found himself questioning everything: his choices, his identity, and the trajectory of his life. Instead of running from grief, he decided to turn it into purpose. Alan shares how the chip on his shoulder fueled his success in corporate America, and why he ultimately stepped away to create lasting impact through honest conversations and personal growth. We talk about family, loss, therapy, finding meaning after tragedy, and Alan’s powerful belief that the hardest moments can become the foundation for helping others. His story is raw, vulnerable, and full of hope, a reminder that grief doesn’t have to end our story, but can become the starting point for a whole new chapter. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🌐 Learn more about Alan’s work and podcast: Next Level University 📸 Follow Alan on Instagram: @alazaros88 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Next Level University Podcast 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: [email protected] 📸 Follow on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

What can surfing teach us about grief, resilience, and learning to live in the present? In this episode of Unparented: A Dead Parents Club Podcast, I sit down with Angie Hawkins, author of Running in Slippers and a coach helping high-achieving women let go of external validation. Angie lost her dad in 2017, a loss that sent her into the deepest grief she’d ever known and ultimately into a journey of healing, transformation, and connection with her father on the other side. Angie shares how surfing became more than a daily practice in Hawaii, it became a metaphor for life and grief. From the “surfer’s mindset” of savoring the ride without fearing the end, to the slow work of rebuilding identity after loss, Angie’s story is raw, vulnerable, and deeply human. We talk about growing up with emotionally unavailable parents, the weight of guilt after an estranged relationship, the darkness of isolation and even a suicide attempt, and how she slowly found her way back to light, purpose, and joy. Her story is a reminder that grief has no timeline, that healing can come in unexpected waves, and that our relationships with those we’ve lost don’t have to end, they simply change. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🌐 Learn more about Angie’s work and book: runninginslippers.com 📸 Follow Angie on Instagram: @angiehawkinscoaching 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Unparented Podcast 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: [email protected] 📸 Follow on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

What happens when you lose your mom at just 18 years old, before you’ve even had the chance to figure out who you are? In this episode of Unparented: A Dead Parents Club Podcast, I sit down with Lisa Espinosa, a writer, speaker, and certified grief and loss counselor, to talk about the life-altering experience of losing her mom as a teenager. Lisa shares how her mom’s death from lung cancer shaped her early adulthood, what it taught her about love, presence, and faith, and how it later influenced the way she mothered and now “Mimi’s” her own family. Lisa opens up about how she didn’t grieve well at first, the pressure she felt to be “strong,” and the unhealthy ways she tried to minimize her pain. She also shares how she eventually learned that grief isn’t something to get over, but something we learn to carry. From her mom sewing her wedding dress while sick, to the everyday lessons of presence and love, Lisa’s story is a reminder of how deeply our parents leave their mark on us. We also talk about faith, the story of Job, and why Lisa believes that faith isn’t a magic formula, it’s trusting God even when life doesn’t make sense. If you’ve ever lost a mother, or struggled with how to grieve as a young adult, Lisa’s story will remind you that even in profound loss, there is still room for hope, meaning, and joy. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🌐 Learn more about Lisa’s work: lisaespinoza.com 📸 Follow Lisa on Instagram: @lisa.espinoza 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Unparented Podcast 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: @theunparentedpodcast

What happens when your children lose their mom before they’re old enough to remember her? In this episode of Unparented: A Dead Parents Club Podcast, I sit down with Sean Foster, host of The Next Minute, to talk about what it means to raise two boys in the shadow of grief. Sean’s wife, Taylor, died in 2020 just 12 hours after giving birth to their youngest son, leaving him a grieving husband and single father overnight. Sean shares the reality of carrying not only his own grief but also the grief of his sons, helping them process emotions they don’t yet have words for, creating rituals to keep their mom present, and learning how differently children express loss at each age. He opens up about guilt, loneliness, and the anxiety that once kept him from making memories with his boys, and the turning point that helped him reclaim joy with them. If you’ve ever wondered how children grieve, or how a parent can hold space for their kids’ pain while still working through their own, this conversation will remind you that love and loss are forever intertwined. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🎙️ Listen to Sean’s podcast: The Next Minute 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Unparented Podcast 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: [email protected] 📸 Follow on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

What happens when you lose both parents as an adult, one unexpectedly and one during a pandemic? In this episode of Unparented: A Dead Parents Club Podcast, I sit down with Zulma Williams, better known as @theswearingtherapist, to talk about grief in its rawest form. Zulma shares her story of losing her mom and dad within seven years, navigating cancer, depression, and abusive relationships, and still finding her way back to resilience. She reminds us that grief is love with nowhere to go, and that there is nothing to “get over.” Instead, we can choose how to honor our loved ones through memory, rituals, or simply carrying their presence with us. Zulma also shares powerful insights on why grief groups matter, how each sibling loses a different version of the same parent, and why we need to stop comparing the way we grieve. If you have ever felt like your grief did not look like anyone else’s, this conversation will make you feel less alone. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com. 🌐 Learn more about Zulma’s work: dragonflytherapyservices.net 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Unparented Podcast 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: [email protected] 📸 Follow on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

Becka lost both of her parents before turning 30. In this conversation, she shares how grief reshaped her sense of identity, the isolation of feeling “orphaned” as an adult, and the surprising gifts that loss can bring. We talk about therapy, comparison, and learning to linger in moments of grief. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com.  

Grief is not one-size-fits-all. Therapist Lydia Lomahan joins me to talk about why grief is an extension of love, how cultural scripts around loss can create pressure, and what it means to hold space for grief without trying to “fix” it. This conversation is for anyone carrying loss, trauma, or big emotions that don’t fit neatly into a box. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com.  

John was adopted at birth, and after losing his adoptive dad, he found himself navigating two stories at once: grief and identity. In this episode, we talk about what it means to lose a parent, how adoption shaped his grief, and the search for connection with his birth family. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com.  

What happens when you grow up without parents and then become one yourself? In this episode of Unparented: A Dead Parents Club Podcast, I share how losing my dad at 15 and my mom at 26 shaped the way I parent my own kids. From the fear of dying young like my father, to breaking cycles of grief and trauma, this is a raw look at becoming the parent I never had. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com.  

When I lost my dad at 15 and my mom at 26, grief became the story I couldn’t escape. In this first episode of Unparented: A Dead Parents Club Podcast, I share my journey of losing both parents, the loneliness of navigating life without them, and how therapy and faith have helped me carry the weight. If this episode resonated with you, Robert works one-on-one with people navigating loss. Find out more at robertdelfave.com.