Empowered by Darkness

When things break in our lives and we are pushed to the edge of our strength, there is a presence greater than us that meets us there if we are open to it. We may be in the fire but we are not alone if we have God. This isn't about religion, this is about a relationship with a loving father that knows every tear we shed in secret. Nothing can come between the love God has for each and every one of us. This love is unconditional and restorative--it changes things. When we are caught up in illness, depression, suicidality, loneliness, addiction, grief, we can call out to Him and feel that though circumstances may not change, WE change. This is the work of faith. I had to experience the end of my strength to realize that I could be held and guided toward peace even in the middle of an earth-shattering loss. I didn't have to do things alone. You don't have to do it all alone. There is a hope and a future worth living when we surrender ourselves to a loving God. Ironically, a life abiding in God is a life where we discover we are stronger in Him.

When we undergo transitions in our life, the feelings that arise can be very intense. There is often no escaping the overwhelming sense of uncertainty. This sensation can be so pervasive that it impacts our way of seeing ourselves, the people around us, and even the society we are living in. We are in a fog that is hard to put into words. While we know something is brewing in the near horizon, there is also nothing in our current physical reality that defends this. What then follows is moving through the daily motions while wrestling with worry and fear. This episode is meant to be an embrace to all of you experiencing these emotional currents. I am currently where you find yourself and I know it's incredibly hard. I have found something that has aided me in walking this unknown journey, however. Tune in to listen to this episode to find out how you can begin to walk your current path with more trust and freedom. It is possible!

This episode is my gift to all of you for continuing to seek this podcast despite my time away. Tune in to hear about the life lessons I have gathered on purpose, relationships, death, faith, failure, and many more. There isn't a specific topic for today's episode but I think that what came from this was quite special. I think that you will leave feeling hopeful and inspired, ready to take on life wherever it is that you find yourself in this moment.

I missed this space. The truth is that there has been a significant change in my life recently. I lost my mom to cancer. I am still in emotional shock and overwhelm, but I have also been blessed by God with the capacity to take a step back and admire the immense love you can still find in the middle of suffering. This episode is raw and unedited, much like the arrival of illness and then death usually is. But I urge you to tune in and give it a listen. I think that you can find something good to hold onto even if it's just a shift in perspective.

We can talk about healing unhealthy attachment patterns, tending to uncomfortable emotions, addressing traumatic experiences, and sifting through our limiting beliefs, but encapsulating all of these actions is the concept of SELF-BANDONMENT. You can understand how this concept plays in your life and almost automatically, the wheels start turning of how you can start addressing everything else. This is because at the root of the behaviors we adopt to cope with our difficult life stories is how we either abandon or come home to ourselves. Once you do the latter, your life will completely shift course. This path births all that your inner self authentically desires.Join me as we talk about how self-abandonment often becomes a learned behavior, how we go about bypassing our needs in ways that deceive us and those around us, breaking down the other side of self-abandonment, and a life-changing practice for beginning to come home to yourself today. The following are resources mentioned in the episode: My book on Amazon: https://a.co/d/cvVIqo8.My articles on Medium: https://medium.com/@andrea.medina.authorThe book mentioned is titled "Becoming the One": https://a.co/d/bhDDblyPast podcast episodes you can refer to and learn how to tune in to yourself: https://open.spotify.com/episode/66PRa8VkML6t0vmmZxc7mO?si=b2662482d0b6433e https://open.spotify.com/episode/0A5U95Se9e2LhDf0N9PzBx?si=3eb037cf9c7040e6

"What is joy without sorrow." The truth is that we are living an experience that is not meant to have one without the other. Yet, so many of us are actively running away from our pain. This won't be the episode that shames anyone for seeking safety from that which is uncomfortable. I get why we do this and there are actually many factors that lead us to act in this way, some outside of our immediate awareness. So, what we will discuss in this episode is how we can gain awareness of our patterns, shift these, and discover a lasting fulfillment that makes us the creators of our reality.The following are talking points that will guide this conversation:Breaking down the collective fascination with chasing happiness through milestone moments.How most people go about fulfilling this chase and what is actually created in turn.Dissecting why we are resistant to feeling heartache and how we can view the root of our resistance with compassion.Why should we try to feel it all as opposed to shutting out the perceived negative. What benefits does this have for us? What's on the other side?How do we feel it all? What are the steps to take?How, if everyone collectively did this, our world would become a better place.How you can begin to do this work right after hearing this episode with this one powerful practice.At the heart of this episode is my reason for beginning The Empowered by Darkness Podcast. I wanted to show people how life shouldn't have to be a continuous pursuit but it could actually be a life of deep feeling and surrender to all that is. I hope that this message will inspire you to go within and to witness the force behind feeling your hurt.

Welcome back to the podcast! I was on a hiatus due to a family emergency, but I'm excited to be here with a NEW episode and NEW season to usher in the new year. Let's talk about being seen and how we can take the things we learn with us throughout 2024. In this episode, we'll discuss what it means to be seen, how we can go about it championing vulnerability, some practical advice about finding daily mindful practices, the liberation of accepting our evolving nature, the value of finding a creative outlet to help us stay connected to our core truth, and how we can start sharing our story in a less daunting way. I know that this episode will set the right tone for the months ahead. My greatest desire is that you will leave it empowered to break free of the reservations and to start daring greatly in how you show up.

We often hear that being single is a time for investing in our hobbies and building our professional lives. We also hear that it’s a time for actively preparing ourselves to be in a relationship. This episode strays away from these messages to bring up a much more hidden meaning to singlehood: it is a time for taking a magnifying glass to our current experience of love and our perception of it. When we are alone, we are simply being given an opportunity to purify our intentions for love from everything that was never love to begin with. Singlehood is a time for shedding the layers of our persona that were never ours: the trauma response we inherited, the fear of abandonment, the crippling insecurity, the belief that we can only have what we grew up seeing. When we take the time to address these layers, our self-trust grows. Naturally, our perception of love shifts, too. It becomes lighter and we start to view a potential romantic partner for who they really are, as opposed to who we want them to be in order to avoid suffering. Tune in to find out how we can do this work, and listen until the end to hear what I believe is the most important product of singlehood for both the individual and the relationship they will one day have.Link to podcast episode mentioned: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2aw59y4oiMmPRhQfgnCMWL?si=b5da03def58d44ce

Has something recently fallen through in your life? Perhaps it isn’t that something you desired didn’t occur, but that something you feared has become your reality. This episode addresses both scenarios, inviting you to a compassionate space where I lay it all down for my listeners: the inevitable grief, the disillusionment, the questioning, and even the negative judgments about ourselves and others. We don’t linger here for long, though. I know we hear the message that we are creators of our reality. Therefore when something falls out of place in the picture we’d sketched so carefully for our lives, we panic and instantly make what’s happening to be a statement about us, about our worth, about our capacity to have better, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. These unexpected turns, most of the time, say nothing about you and everything about where your specific path is calling you to turn to at this time. Tune in to hear about how we can start listening to this redirection. This episode will touch upon why comparing our path to somebody else’s is irrelevant when setbacks are assured for everyone; why becoming dependent on a fast pace for living life is hurting you more than aiding you; the cathartic meaning found in suffering; how unexpected occurrences crack our emotionality open for the expansion of our consciousness; and finally, how we can practically reapproach a desire that fell through with improved intentionality and focus.

Your voice is one of the clearest channels through which others can receive what’s inside of you. It’s also a direct link to your truth when expressed bravely. Unfortunately, in our progression through life, we come to accumulate experiences tied to narratives about the value of our voice. These stories push us to silence our internal perspective and brilliance, or to soften it with apologetic statements meant to shield us from criticism. Coupled with this is our tendency to compare what we have to share with what others have already put out into the world. Your voice is everything. There isn’t a single dimension of your life that isn’t impacted by it. When we learn how to tap into our core expression, we open doors to situations, people, experiences, and epiphanies that wouldn’t have been attracted to us otherwise. And if in reading this you’re still thinking, “My voice is just one in many, though,” this is the episode for you. Your voice is unmatched by many; let's hone in on how we can start bringing it into this reality more powerfully.

Join me in the continuation of a discussion on my path leading to today. In this episode, you’ll hear about how I turned my life around from being lost in the same patterns completely unaware of where they stemmed from: sexual promiscuity, codependency, escaping emotional intimacy, insecurity, using achievement to feel worthy, showing a persona to the world that I thought would be accepted. After my two biggest fears became a reality: my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I didn’t have anything achieved to hide behind, I had a choice to make about how I would choose to be there for myself or not. Because nobody was or would come in to save me from the pain that seeped into every part of my being. Tune in to hear about how I chose healing with limited resources but a strong will. I didn't allow the initial difficulty of looking for assistance to dissuade me from finding a way to liberation, and you can do the same. It doesn't matter what situation you find yourself in currently. Check out my book on Amazon (mentioned in the episode): https://a.co/d/dsnIn3r

Join me in discussing how I got where I currently am. You can expect to hear about:How I came to forget the majority of my childhood alongside my father and why this happens to many children who undergo trauma Growing up sensitive and empathetic in a home environment that was unpredictable Understanding the motivations behind my parents’ actions by observing their own dysfunctional upbringings in MexicoLiving in Compton with parents who worked factory jobs, we struggled financiallyEmotional and verbal abuse in the home; domestic violence; constant threats and gaslighting of our calls for change; walking on eggshells; dissociation Achievement as a coping mechanism and the collapse of this in college, led to crippling impostor syndrome Inability to find a pathway after graduating from college

Do you find yourself in a state of uncomfortable loneliness? What I mean by this is that on the path to bettering yourself, have you been thrust upon a season of being distanced from friendships and relationships? You may be battling inner feelings of resentment and confusion as to why you must go about healing alone. In this episode, I break down why this resistance exists and how we can acknowledge it in order to keep adding layers to our transformation.If you find that you’re not yet in this reality of being detached from connections, this episode is a great introduction to some of the concerns and worries that usually go into choosing this avenue. We also talk about how the intention behind our purposeful solitude determines what we get from it.This may be one of my favorite episodes up to date because almost everyone encounters loneliness when they decide to turn their life around and start pursuing what matters to them. We don't have to view being alone as a negative thing; in fact, it's actually the very thing that propels us into a freer chapter. It is during this time that we discover we are everything we've been searching for.

…and why it’s more common than what you may think. Wanting someone to come in to save us from a difficult situation, emotion, or thought process is, in some ways, what our society has romanticized in media over the years. While one may not act upon this desire, having the need itself can tell us something about our relationship with ourselves. If there’s no real relationship, we can come to believe our hurting parts will only be seen in a way that brings just the right dosage of healing by someone else. A person can join us on our journey as a support system, but no one should have to bear the weight of being anybody’s savior unless it’s their decision to do so (which often comes from a wounded place, too). Join me on this episode to uncover how we can begin getting out of the deeply-rooted want of saving. I’ve been there many times before, and I can assure you that it’s possible. Often, the other side of having this conscious or unconscious need is a realization of what our true power and worth are.

In this first part of My Self-Hatred Journey, I dive deep into how being at odds with one’s looks is not shallow, but an actual wound that’s multilayered and destabilizing. I talk about what for me was the core of my concern with appearances: fearing not being good enough to be chosen, to be protected, to be cherished. The part of me that sought safety after years of being on edge and afraid came to associate being wanted by others as a way to achieve this. In this episode, I share with you what has worked for me and if you have also looked everywhere to find a way to switch out of this disempowering state, what I will share is personally not something I found in those places. I found it through my own path, hoping it will strike a chord at the level of the heart with my listeners.

This is an episode I wish I had growing up. Losing a father, no matter the way, leaves profound effects on the way we show up for ourselves and our relationships. I used to feel broken and misunderstood for repeating the same patterns of fearing abandonment, lacking self-esteem, viewing men as deceptive, engaging in sexual promiscuity, and being hyper-independent to the point of burnout. What I uncovered through choosing to look at my past was that although I lacked a father, healing gave me the choice to not lack a connection to myself. This is important because when we aren't connected to our innate worth, we spend our entire lives searching for the feeling of being seen in things and people.Tune in to explore how the way you are treating yourself and showing up for your connections may be impacted by your father’s absence. Though it may be a triggering listen, I know it will be a catalyst for self-compassion and transformation. This conversation is a long one because it touches upon all of the parts of ourselves losing a father impacts.Attachment Style Quiz:https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/

Do you feel at the mercy of the uncomfortable parts inside of you? Perhaps it’s a fear of rejection, resentment toward loved ones, jealousy, overpowering grief, or insecurity that will not go away. When we sense the heaviness of these parts, we do things like suppress them through obligations, chase distractions, or get lost in unhealthy ways of coping. The parts seem like they’ve gone away but they haven’t gone anywhere. They actively influence how we view ourselves and others. In this episode, I break down two personal life scenarios that showcase BEING DRIVEN by these dark aspects when there’s a lack of awareness, and DRIVING our actions once we meet ourselves deeply and choose to integrate the darkness in how we show up. By the time we get to this second scenario, you’ll see how you, too, can reclaim the uncomfortable emotions and narratives inside of you. Tune in to the very first episode I recorded on this platform! Though my episodes are in no particular order, you'll want to listen to this one sooner rather than later because it will explain why looking at our darkness is the quickest way to create lasting change in our lives. Change that I can assure you everyone will notice.

In this short episode, I let you know why I talk about healing from an emotional standpoint and what you can expect from the Empowered by Darkness podcast! If you, like me, find that you don't have the resources to afford coaching or master classes to kickstart your up-leveling in every part of your life, this space is specially crafted for you. New Episodes Every Monday, Uploaded Biweekly

In this episode, we get vulnerable and discuss how giving away our bodies makes us feel at a core level. In the pursuit of sexual freedom, do we find less liberation than we’d anticipated:Do you, like me, find yourself disregarding personal boundaries to please?Do you find yourself fulfilling someone else’s fantasy and no longer yours?Is there a part of you, no matter how remote, that feels there might be trauma stored in your body from having gone on with what didn’t feel right during a sexual encounter that looked fine on paper?While it’s amazing that as women we can have the desire to experience a new confidence and freedom through exploring our sexual nature, it’s the motivation behind our approach that often dictates how we take care of our needs or not. Are we engaging in sex from a place of repressed pain, lack of self-worth, or anger with men? And, are we doing this without paying mind to how our bodies can become victims of sexual trauma unknowingly? This isn’t a comfortable conversation but it’s definitely a needed one—join me to hear more about my experience navigating these tough questions.

In this second part of My Self Hatred Journey, I talk all about hating the internal: one’s personality and capabilities. I especially go into talking about the difficult relationship I had with my sensitive nature, deeming it weak and unwanted in our society. I also have a conversation on impostor syndrome, something I suffered heavily from throughout my entire academic path. It wasn’t until I was accused of plagiarizing at my college that I was forced to face where this hatred for my unique voice stemmed from. My hope is that you’ll be surprised at how a simple mindset shift can begin altering these charged emotions toward one’s internal nature.Whether you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough or that you're unworthy or underserving of being admired for your gifts, this episode is for you. I know of the critical voice inside one's head pointing out every flaw and belittling our best efforts. Tune in to a candid conversation on how we can begin understanding where this voice stems from and how we can silence it with a newfound respect for our personal story.

Shifting limiting beliefs can be especially difficult when our immediate reality doesn’t provide us with proof that we can attain our heart’s desires. And while there’s self-worth work to be done here, as well as maybe relational trauma work and unconscious beliefs needing to be analyzed spanning back to childhood, you can do one thing today that will radically shift your perception. That is searching for what proves your pain-informed beliefs wrong. Let me show you how easy doing this can be by sharing some examples of my own journey.Relevant links:The Highest Self Podcast Episode with Auberthttps://open.spotify.com/episode/04cWvIgZlWyJGfLhdl31K9Anthony Ramos on Man Enough Podcasthttps://open.spotify.com/episode/3A0H5NPn86ZDSGi7kT99gbChristine Gutierrez Website + Book on Amazonhttps://www.christineg.tv/https://www.amazon.com/Am-Diosa-Journey-Healing-Yourself-ebook/dp/B084M5YG5QJake Woodard Podcast Episodeshttps://open.spotify.com/episode/5X4xpexLdDqj6yrv2yot2ahttps://open.spotify.com/episode/0pQosfydwrXEFDcBWy7JZg

What are you currently distracting yourself with? My go-to distraction would always be downloading the dating app and swiping. Whether it was because I felt lonely, overwhelmed with my healing journey, in a self-hatred spiral, or just feeling completely unlovable, the app was what I perceived as a healing balm. In reality, it was a stepping stone toward falling back into codependency and powerlessness.This episode breaks down the science of distractions as I’ve learned it in my path: antecedent, behavior, and consequence. Each part of this process matters, but you’ll especially see how knowing one’s antecedent is a game changer. There’s no need to continue normalizing the distraction if it’s doing you more harm than good. Take it from someone that’s been there: you can find a more lasting healing balm that feels just as, if not, more soothing than the distraction.