F*ck The Standard

Laura Ferri grew up in a house where love came with conditions and threats, where her mother used suicide as a manipulation tool so consistently that Laura carried the guilt of it into her thirties without ever questioning whether it was hers to carry. She built a life anyway. She got married, raised three kids, built a career, started a podcast, wrote a book, and kept showing up for everyone around her while privately believing she had nothing worth offering any of them. Then she lost the job, the relationship, and almost every person she knew inside of a year, and wound up alone on her kitchen floor asking out loud for someone to love her. What happened next changed everything.In this episode, Rob and Laura go deep on what it actually costs to grow up under narcissistic control, why self-worth does not collapse all at once but erodes slowly through the relationships you tolerate and the crumbs you accept, and what the path back looks like when you have finally run out of crutches to lean on.This episode covers:Growing up with a narcissistic, abusive mother and not recognizing it for decadesThe identity collapse that comes when you lose your job, your relationship, and your community at the same timeWhy the mother-daughter relationship is the foundation of every relationship a woman will have for the rest of her lifeTaking crumbs from people because bare minimum felt exciting, and what finally broke that patternHow low self-worth quietly destroys your finances without you noticingThe kitchen floor moment that cracked everything openRebuilding confidence as a single mother starting a business from scratchWhat a three-day solo backpacking trip in the woods taught her about what she was actually capable ofThe one thing she would scream at her eighteen-year-old selfLaura Ferri is the host of the My Inner Struggle podcast, author of Is It an Open Bar?, and has spent over a decade documenting her own transformation across more than 300 blog posts so that nobody going through the same thing has to feel like they are doing it alone.Find everything Laura at https://myinnerstruggle.com/ Grab Rob's book F*ck The Script: https://www.amazon.com/-/es/CK-SCRIPT-Caring-Others-Rebuild/dp/B0FQ4F5NBB

Most addiction recovery conversations stop at sobriety. This episode starts there. What Rob McCarthy and Mike Jarrell examine in depth is the psychological architecture that makes addiction necessary in the first place, and what a real, self-directed rebuild looks like when institutional support is absent, resources are zero, and the damage stretches back to early childhood. Mike Jarrell spent nearly 30 years in active heroin and opioid addiction, served time in prison, and rebuilt his entire life from nothing at 47 years old. His framework for doing it draws from positive psychology, Stoic philosophy, cognitive restructuring, and the hard data of lived experience. This is not a sobriety story. It is an identity reconstruction conversation.What this episode covers:​The childhood trauma to addiction pipeline, how unresolved CPTSD and untreated early abuse create the psychological conditions that make substance dependency almost inevitable, and how medical prescribing can accelerate that cycle rather than interrupt it​Ego vs. identity in long-term recovery, the clinical distinction between the protective false self built in response to trauma and the authentic identity buried beneath it, and why conflating the two extends victim mindset thinking long past the original threat​The table leg method for breaking limiting beliefs, a cognitive restructuring framework that requires only three contradicting facts to dismantle an entrenched belief system, with direct application for anyone doing identity work in or outside of addiction recovery​Positive psychology and sobriety; why short-term clinical intervention fails without addressing the underlying belief architecture, and how evidence-based psychological tools produce more durable long-term recovery outcomes than rehab alone​Social environment as a measurable variable in rebuilding, the documented principle that your five closest relationships directly shape your trajectory, including the practical and emotionally difficult process of auditing that circle without external validation or permission​Fixed vs. growth mindset after incarceration, how generationally inherited fixed mindset thinking contributes to recidivism and relapse, and why the ceiling most people in post-incarceration recovery accept as permanent is a learned condition rather than a structural one​Stoicism as a daily recovery and grounding practice, the application of Stoic philosophy, specifically Marcus Aurelius, to emotional regulation, CPTSD management, and the development of a stable identity framework for men in long-term recovery​The role of silence and discomfort in identity discovery, why sustained stillness without distraction is the primary mechanism for self-knowledge, and how avoiding it through social media, constant connection, and surface-level relationships keeps people in a holding pattern that looks like living but functions like stagnationThis episode is for:​People in addiction recovery, relapse prevention, or long-term sobriety who want frameworks beyond the first 30 days​Men doing inner work, identity rebuilding, and personal development after trauma or significant loss​Life coaches, sobriety coaches, and practitioners working with trauma-adjacent clients who need real-world frameworks grounded in both lived experience and psychological research​Anyone navigating a significant life restart after 40 and looking for proof that the timeline is not overMike Jarrell's books: From the Streets to Redemption -- https://a.co/d/dJT0ALN\nHow to Find Happiness in the Worst Possible Times -- https://a.co/d/fbnMaKU\nRising from the Ashes -- https://a.co/d/0W0pu4KMike's website: deaconslegacy.siteMike's TikTok: @deaconslegacyGrab F*ck the Script: https://www.amazon.com/-/es/CK-SCRIPT-Caring-Others-Rebuild/dp/B0FQ4F5NBB

Steve Knapp was drinking on the drive to work, during his lunch hour, on the drive home, and through the entire evening. In his late thirties, that was his daily life. Then his wife found the credit card bill.What happened next was not rock bottom, it was a choice. He turned to her and said: that's all me. From that moment, nearly five years of transformation began.In this episode, Steve and Rob go deep into the mechanics of how shame works, why nice guys are actually practicing self-abandonment, the specific tool Steve used to stop over-apologizing and start building real self-respect, what happened on a one-night backpacking trip that rewired everything, how he quit a corporate job, drove 24 hours to Colorado with his life in the back of his truck, gave himself three months to make it work, and never left, how to tell the difference between running away and running toward, and what it means for men to stop bottling emotions without losing presence and responsibility in the moment.One of the most raw and complete episodes the show has produced.Follow Steve at NoAlcoholNeeded.netListen on Spotify: Get the book F*ck The Script:

Dan Ahlborn has been a real estate investor for 16 years. He's failed forward through most of them, made mistakes, learned the hard way, and built something real. Two moments nearly ended him: a foreclosure notice on his own home while he was in the business of helping others avoid them, and a business partnership that evaporated overnight leaving him with 30 days to figure out everything from scratch.His response to both? Take Imperfect Action. That phrase has become his calling card, and in this conversation with Rob, he breaks down exactly what it means and why it's the most underrated principle in business and in life.In this episode of F*ck The Standard Podcast, Dan and Rob go deep on:How childhood wounds create adult money habits and how to break the cycleWhy Dan generated $500K solo in 8 months after losing his business partnershipThe identity shift that transforms behavior at the neurological levelWhy discipline beats motivation every single timeThe difference between leveraged debt and debt as self-destructionVictor vs. victim: the one choice that defines everything elseHow to take imperfect action before you feel readyFaith, family, and the kind of 3am conversations that actually matterThis is not a self-help episode. This is a field guide from someone who's been in the trenches, made the call, and rebuilt from scratch. Dan's book Flipping My Identity is in the works, but grab his free eBook Flipping My Future at danahlborn.com. Follow him on Instagram @danahlborn Find him on YouTube and Facebook as housebuyerdan.F*ck The Standard Podcast is for those of you who are done with the script, done performing, done waiting, and ready to actually build. New episodes weekly, subscribe so you don't miss one.Keywords: real estate investor, fail forward, imperfect action, men's personal development, identity transformation, financial recovery, discipline over motivation, victim to victor, blue collar success, men's mindset, flipping your identity, rebuild your life

Kimberly Stevens calls herself a Hall of Fame winner and a Hall of Fame loser, and she’s earned both titles the hard way. A University of Iowa swimmer who set Big Ten records and won national championships, Kimberly also survived child loss, two divorces, four years in the hospital with her daughter before a liver transplant, breast cancer, and home foreclosure, then rebuilt her life from the ground up.In this episode, we rip apart the two most dangerous words people hide behind: “I’m fine.” We talk grief, trauma, identity loss, faith, parenting, resilience, and why small wins are the only way out when life buries you. Kimberly also breaks down her ROSE framework: Recognize, One step at a time, See/celebrate milestones, Extend, and why “never give up” isn’t motivation… it’s survival.Kimberly’s book: Altered (ALTAR’d): Finding Hope Through Grit and Gratitude to Never Give Uphttps://www.amazon.com/ALTARd-Finding-through-GRATITUDE-NEVER/dp/B0BQ9LLP7HKimberly’s nonprofit: https://extendtherose.org/ — bring hope to kids/families in hospitalsROAR Gallery (upload a positive short): https://extendtherose.org/roar-galleryWant Kimberly to know you came from FTS? Comment or message “FTS.”Support the show / coaching / resources: https://stan.store/fts25Book link: Start Your Journey Now

Angie Hawkins (author of Running in Slippers and Inner Glow Coach) joins Rob McCarthy on F*ck the Standard to share the moment that forced her to confront the belief that had been running her entire life:“I don’t deserve to be loved.”Raised by emotionally unavailable parents, Angie developed people-pleasing tendencies, perfectionism, and a deep lack of self-worth that followed her into relationships, money, and career decisions. After years of chasing approval, and even moving across the country to “start over," everything collapsed.Rock bottom became the turning point.In this episode we break down:• How childhood beliefs shape adult identity• Why victim mindset keeps you stuck• The connection between self-worth and money mindset• Perfectionism as disguised procrastination• Auditing your circle for mental health• Rewriting your internal script after crisisIf you’ve ever felt stuck in patterns you can’t explain, this conversation will hit.Angie Hawkins Book and Coaching⁠: https://runninginslippers.com⁠Get Rob McCarthy’s book F*CK THE SCRIPTStart Your Journey Now: https://a.co/d/dh0uSatCoaching & Resources: https://stan.store/fts25

Richard Lynch is a licensed clinical alcohol and drug counselor, EMDR practitioner, advanced grief specialist, and long-term recovery advocate who works inside a large Department of Corrections treatment program. He’s also lived addiction, trauma, prison, and rebuilding firsthand.In this powerful conversation, we break down:The real root of addiction (hint: it’s trauma, not weakness)Men’s mental health stigma and why anger is a “safety emotion”Grief, overdose loss, and the forgotten families in the opioid epidemicPrison reform, recidivism, and why incarceration doesn’t equal rehabilitationBipolar disorder, schizophrenia, CPTSD, and breaking generational cyclesRecovery discipline, small wins, and how to rebuild from rock bottomFaith, accountability, and why you can’t pray your way out without actionRichard shares how five felony charges, prison time, and addiction led to a complete life rewrite, and why the most “gangster” move he ever made was getting his life in order.If you care about addiction recovery, trauma healing, men’s mental health, prison reform, grief counseling, or rebuilding your life after failure, this episode delivers real experience, not theory.F*CK THE SCRIPT: How to Own Your $hit and Rewrite Your Story: Start Your Journey NowResources & Merch: https://stan.store/fts25

Mark Maselli was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease — the same disease that killed members of his family before 40.Dialysis was waiting.Instead, he chose something different.After receiving a live kidney transplant, Mark trained for 450 miles… and ran the Las Vegas Marathon just one year later.In this episode, we break down:The truth about dialysis and kidney failureLive organ donation vs deceased donor transplantTraining for a marathon after major surgeryFighting excuses when your body says quitVictim vs Victor mindsetHow to build discipline when you’re tiredThis isn’t just about kidney disease.It’s about refusing to let your diagnosis define you.Mark’s Book: The Overcomer’s Journey https://www.amazon.com/Overcomers-Journey-Unlocking-Discipline-Resilience/dp/B0FP4QKRLHRob's Book: F*CK THE SCRIPT: How to Own Your $hit and Rewrite Your Story: Start Your Journey NowResources & Tools: https://stan.store/fts25

Men’s mental health is collapsing, and most men are pretending they’re “fine.”Burnout, divorce, suppressed trauma, and suicide are silently destroying fathers and husbands.In this episode, Rob sits down with Jonnie Jensen, founder of the High Value Man Project, to break down the real crisis facing modern men, and what it actually takes to rebuild after burnout, divorce, or emotional breakdown.This is not surface-level motivation. This is the hard conversation about:Male suicide rates and why men over 40 are at riskThe mental health stigma keeping men silentWhy burnout happens to high-performing dads and entrepreneursThe lie of “just push through it” masculinityAntidepressants, chemical imbalance, and real recoveryForgiveness as a masculine power moveRebuilding self-esteem brick by brickThe Fire Code: sleep, fitness, discipline, purpose, leadershipWhy no one is coming to save youIf you’re a father, husband, business owner, or man trying to carry everything on your shoulders, this episode will hit.Because strong men don’t avoid the work.They rebuild.Jonnie Jensen - High Value Man Project: https://highvaluemanproject.comGet the Book: F*CK THE SCRIPT: How to Own Your $HIT and Rewrite Your Story: Start Your Journey NowSupport & Exclusive Content: https://stan.store/fts25

Melanie Whittaker grew up in a controlled home with a narcissistic parent, learned early what emotional manipulation looks like, and made a decision most people never do, she rebuilt her life on her own terms.In this episode, we break down:• Growing up with a narcissistic mother• Breaking generational trauma patterns• Learning to rebuild identity after emotional control• Surviving the 2009 economic crash in London• Watching Brexit unfold and booking a one-way flight to Spain• Escaping the corporate rat race in your 40s• Starting over abroad with no safety net• Why no government, job, or system is coming to save you• And how to stop treating opinions like factsThis conversation is about personal freedom, emotional resilience, leaving toxic environments, and taking radical responsibility for your life.If you’ve ever felt stuck in corporate life, trapped by family conditioning, or scared to start over, this episode is your permission slip.Rewrite. Rebuild. Repeat.Start Your Journey Now:https://a.co/d/dh0uSatResources and Tools:https://stan.store/fts25This episode discusses narcissistic abuse recovery, emotional resilience, personal reinvention, and moving abroad after Brexit.

Addiction recovery isn’t always dramatic, sometimes it starts with a phone call.Jeremy thought he had a lung anomaly. He spiraled into alcohol, self-destruction, and the mindset that if cancer didn’t take him out, he would take himself out first. Then a stranger answered the phone, gave him the brutal truth, and everything shifted.In this episode, we break down:The real psychology behind addiction and denialWhy most people never reach true accountabilityThe difference between “rock bottom” and being readySobriety without the performanceSetting boundaries that protect your progressIdentity masks, ego, and rebuilding your lifeMental health for men who were taught to suppress everythingWhy social media addiction mirrors substance addictionJeremy shares the turning point that led him to long-term sobriety, deeper self awareness, and writing his book An Odyssey of Oddities, where he tells the unfiltered truth about addiction, personal responsibility, purpose, and growth. This is not a motivational speech, it's a conversation about accountability, pure ownership and rebuilding your life when you realize that no one is coming to save you.If you’re navigating addiction recovery, personal growth after rock bottom, or trying to figure out who you actually are without the mask, this episode will hit.If this conversation helped you:• Follow the podcast for weekly conversations on accountability, mental toughness, and self-improvement.• Leave a 5-star rating and written review (this directly impacts search visibility and rankings).• Share this episode with someone struggling with addiction, denial, or identity loss.And go deeper:Jeremy’s book An Odyssey of Oddities is available online, read the full story behind this transformation here: https://books.by/an-odyssey-of-odditiesEverything else I’m building; the books, merch and resources are here: https://stan.store/fts25Stop waiting for rock bottom.Rewrite. Rebuild. Repeat.

In this episode of The F*ck the Standard Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Robb Kelly, a neuroscience-based addiction and trauma specialist whose story carries as much weight as his work.Dr. Kelly didn’t study addiction from a distance. He lived it.After growing up in a working-class environment in Manchester, England, his life unraveled through alcoholism, homelessness, losing his children, and being clinically pronounced dead before being revived. Instead of accepting the narrative that addiction is a life sentence, he threw himself into neuroscience to understand how the brain actually changes, and how people can rebuild themselves from the inside out.Today, Dr. Kelly works with individuals struggling with alcohol addiction, drug addiction, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and identity collapse, helping people break destructive cycles by rewiring the brain through neuroplasticity. His work has reached everyone from everyday families to high-level performers and leaders, all grounded in one truth: real change only happens when the person is ready to own it.This conversation goes deep into:What rock bottom really looks like — and why it doesn’t always mean the streetsHow the brain protects addiction and trauma through self-deceptionWhy forced change never worksHow identity is formed, lost, and rebuiltDr. Robb’s background: growing up poor, music at a young age, addiction taking overThe reality of “multiple rock bottoms” and the moment your brain becomes able to receive helpWhy nobody can force recovery, you have to be readyThe excuses people use to stay stuck, and why we believe our own liesNeuroplasticity: training the mind to train the brain to change the reactionStatus, ego, and the trap of “looking rich” vs having enoughIdentity and work: why so many people collapse when the job disappearsParenting, presence, and the one currency you never get back: timeWords are weapons or medicine: how a few words can change someone’s physiologySocial media/news and algorithmic brainwashing: protecting your mind and your kidsThe closing gut-punch: “Stop giving a sh*t what people think."This isn’t motivational fluff.It’s a raw, honest conversation about responsibility, healing, and what it actually takes to change your life.Follow the show on SpotifyShare this episode with someone who needs a wake-up callWant to support the show and rep the message?Grab the official F*ck the Standard gear and resources here: https://stan.store/fts25Book: Start Your Journey NowContent warning: addiction, violence, child removal, homelessness, death, trauma, and explicit language.Not medical advice: This episode is education and personal experience, not a substitute for professional care.

Most guys don’t realize they’re on autopilot until life starts breaking in half.This episode is with Uncle Jimmy — Boston union man, union vice president, host of Uncle Jimmy’s Podcast — and he’s lived the version a lot of us brag about: 7 days a week, 16 hours a day, convinced the whole operation would collapse without him… while his marriage and life were collapsing quietly in the background.We get into the real cost of being “the reliable one.”The ego behind “they need me,” the dinners you half-attend the family time where you get "a call," or the games you physically show up to while your head is still at work.And the hard truth: your job will replace you fast , your family can’t.Jimmy drops the line that sums it up:Time is the only currency.Money can be replaced. Hours can’t.If you’ve ever taken a work call during a holiday… if you’ve ever told yourself “just one more shift”… if you’ve ever felt your family getting used to you not being there, this one’s going to hit.Listen to Uncle Jimmy’s Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/77179VlSzVFSf3qZF1GAOW?si=2633d6419e554daeBook, Resources & Support: https://stan.store/fts25

Most rebuilds don’t fail because they’re hard, they fail because the blueprint gets punched in the mouth and most people walk away.When this podcast launched, the original blueprint was simple: four solo episodes, then guests. That was the plan. But rebuilds rarely honor your plans. This fifth episode wasn’t on the schedule, and I wasn’t delaying the guest episodes to make room for it. That’s exactly why it had to happen.In Episode 5, we break down what actually happens when the life you’re rebuilding refuses to follow the script, and how the pivots, detours, and awkward identity clashes end up becoming the real strategy.We cover:When the original blueprint stops workingThe three types of pivots nobody prepares you forWhy uncertainty hits harder than failureHow to stay in the game when support goes silentThe “four things humans hate” during a rebuildA teenager’s handshake that said more than any adult validationThe overheard conversation that forced an identity shiftIf you’re somewhere between who you were and who you’re trying to become, this episode will make uncomfortable things make sense. Because when the pivot becomes the plan, the rebuild finally becomes real.Guest episodes start Friday—real stories, real setbacks, real pivots. No delay.Follow along and stay in the game.Book, Tools and Resources: https://stan.store/fts25

Silence isn’t punishment, it’s the filter that shows up when you stop performing and start rebuilding. In this episode, Rob breaks down the four silences that hit you during a rebuild; social, tribal, work, and internal, and why proof always shows up before applause. We get into discipline, identity, self-respect, social media, unexpected support, and the quiet work that actually builds confidence. No gurus, no hype, just truth about why the rebuild feels lonely and why that’s the point. If it hits, follow the show.Book, Resources & Tools: ⁠⁠https://stan.store/fts25⁠New guest episodes start next week. Real fighters. Real rebuilders. Real stories.

Most people aren’t stuck because they’re incapable. They’re stuck because they’re addicted to validation and terrified of silence. In this episode, Rob breaks down how performing for approval destroys identity, why opinions only hurt when you sign for them, and how self-respect replaces applause when you stop asking for permission to exist. We get into social media, ego, insecurity, self-respect, identity, discipline, and becoming unrecognizable to your old crowd. No hype, no gurus. If this hits, follow the show.Book, Resources & Tools: ⁠⁠https://stan.store/fts25⁠

Self-awareness feels like growth, but without change it’s just avoidance. In this episode, Rob breaks down how people hide behind insight, explanations, trauma, and clever self-awareness while their life stays the same. We get into ownership, ego, excuses, mental health, emotional resilience, fatherhood, blue-collar identity, and the shift from “I’m working on myself” to actually changing. No gurus, no hype, just uncomfortable truth about the stories you protect and the one thing you already know you need to own. If it hits, follow the show.Book, Resources & Tools: ⁠https://stan.store/fts25⁠

F*ck The Standard isn’t a hype show, it’s a straight shot for people who look “fine” but feel like they’re rotting in quiet comfort. In this opening episode, Rob McCarthy breaks down discipline, comfort, identity, and the slow decay that happens when you stop showing up for yourself and the people you love. This hits if you’ve ever looked put together on the outside while quietly bullshitting yourself on the inside. No gurus and no perfect routines, just a 45-year-old blue-collar husband and father calling out his own excuses and rebuilding for real. If it resonates, follow the show.Book, Resources & Tools: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://stan.store/fts25⁠⁠

This episode is the foundation.No guests or performance. This is just an honest explanation of why F*ck The Standard exists and who it’s for.I talk about what happens when the life you were “supposed” to build stops making sense, how waiting for clarity keeps people stuck, and why this podcast isn’t about motivation but ownership.Book, Resources & Tools: ⁠⁠https://stan.store/fts25⁠If you’ve felt boxed in, behind, or quietly fed up with the script you’ve been following, this episode is the starting point.Rewrite. Rebuild. Repeat.