His Calm In My Storm

Why do I keep doing this podcast? Encouraging heartfelt words from great people Henri Nouwen https://www.instagram.com/henrinouwensociety/?hl=en Holley Gerth https://www.instagram.com/holleygerth/ https://email.cloud.secureclick.net/c/7048?id=2631465.2201.1.a01ccf5fbaa3c449fd327eabe85e57d9 Derek Walcott https://allpoetry.com/love-after-love https://g.co/kgs/unk1Bw Ronne Rock https://ronnerock.com/ https://www.amazon.com/Try-Softer-Approach-Mode-Connection-ebook/dp/B07T76JM1V?ref_=ast_author_mpb https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/1890390.Ann_Voskamp https://kaitlynbouchillon.com/ https://emilypfreeman.com/ https://jenniferdukeslee.com/ The poem entitled LOVE AFTER LOVE by St. Lucian, Caribbean poet and writer Derek Walcott:- The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit.  Feast on your life.

After a few months of medical uncertainties I share about some things that kept me going and what I discover about creativity and rest. CREDITS:- Steffany Gretzinger "Pieces" https://youtu.be/fl9aqfmVmPc Strahan Coleman on Instagram: @commoners_communion Books Written: Prayer Vol. 01; Prayer Vol. 02; Prayer Vol. 03; Beholding Ronne Rock website ronnerock.com Instagram @ronnerock linkin.bio/ronnerock Henri Nouwen: Instagram @henrinouwensociety https://www.henrinouwen.org

This is about how frustrating passwords can be, stressor points, and how my depression has looked, and insights that maybe you can relate to.

What restlessness looks like for me, a poem about depression, simple suggestions about managing emotions and a prayer for you!

Some amusing perspectives on compromise. Episode 9 Transcript Have you ever compromised yourself? I can think of many times that I have.  I have compromised my health.  I have pushed myself to the limit and then some, to prove something, be someone who I thought people would admire, or, what was expected of me. Everyone has their own limitations, and what is a high threshold for one person could be a little one for another. ..  and vice versa.  The thing is to know yourself, and not compromise.  It can be easier said than done, though, especially if you choose to go down the comparison track/route.   Take for example when I am sick.  The one time I have a good excuse for resting and relaxing in order to heal, and I play it down, and behave like I am well.  I find it hard to rest when I know I need to .. why? It is the simplest and best way to get better, so why make it difficult to do?  I live in a house with many steps so I am used to going up and down a lot, never batting an eyelid.  When I’m sick, drained of energy, I get quickly reminded of how exhausting climbing them can be, a bit like climbing a steep hill on a hot day.    Do you do this? Compromising who you are with who you THINK you’re expected to be? Yes! I’m guilty of that!  I have always been good at saying and doing the right things / the things expected of me.  Why is it so difficult to be my own authentic person? No matter who might like it or not?  More on that another time .. When I am out on the road, I tend to try to accomplish as much as I can, making multiple stops, getting errands done ..  I come home drained, irritated, and in a way, cheated.  Is that the right word?  Perhaps I mean annoyed with myself for choosing to make that one last stop, that tips me over the edge.  I grudgingly cook dinner that night, and I’m in a bad mood for the rest of the evening.   So Everything does not have to be done in one trip, and much of the time the errands are not urgent or time sensitive.  So picture this, I’m in town in the heat of the day, doing the errands, and then something pops into my head - isn’t it someone’s birthday 3 months down the line .. I stop and go off track to look at this store JUST WHILE I AM HERE .. and I get distracted with what was not even on my list in the first place.  The rest of the list I had made for that day is now null and void as I ramble on to find that gift. So .. Next time I won’t compromise : Here’s my list: 1. Don’t go down two flights of stairs to feed the cat at 9 pm if I’m exhausted  2. Don’t make the Cookies for … (what are their names??) 3. Don’t think doing stuff for other people is more important than my stuff 4. Don’t Push myself to the limit just because that’s what women (or at least women without a 9-5 jobs ) are expected to do … in my mind’s eye 5. Don’t give others advice when I do exactly what I’m advising them not to do!!!  Thanks for listening to Episode 9 of .. His Calm in My Storm! Thank you to Stephen Lovell for the sound editing

My experiences with letting go - and, it doesn't have to be hard! Transcript of Episode 8 What does Letting Go have to do with shoes? Let me tell you. I have been struggling a lot recently with letting go. My husband has always said that I am like a dog with a bone, when I have an idea in my head, or decide something I never let it go. It is the same in situations where I should let it drop but still I hang on to a piece, or two, or three ... I was leader of a prayer ministry for many years. I felt nudges at different times in my ministry leadership, telling me that it was time to pass it on, to make room for other things in my life. Even good things you have to let go of at times, and it is to recognise it and follow through without picking it back up, trusting that it is in good hands. I have had a bank account for many years, since UK college days, so when I got a letter from the bank to advise they were closing the account I was upset and angry. I spent frustrating weeks on the phone trying to make human contact, then trying to send faxes that are not accepted, before giving up and letting my son handle the transfers out of the account. One person dealing with it all would be easier and stop account blockage. And Yet, I wouldn’t quite let it go. I started to think of ways I could “help”, checking with my son and basically making a massive nuisance of myself, before finally realising what I should have done all along - to trust him and to LET IT GO! I guess you’re waiting to hear about the offending shoes. Here goes: Well, I was cleaning out my closet last week and came across a pair of shoes, a lovely bright colour turquoise with 5 beautiful large shiny beads on the top of each one. I have only worn them a handful of times, and ages ago, and yet .. I still wanted to keep them. They don’t even fit that well, my little toe and heal come over the edge on my larger foot ( maybe that is why I did not wear them a lot). I showed them to Jess, my daughter, and she confirmed what I was thinking: to give them away. LET GO! And yet ... I kept them in a clear bag at the top of the landing by my desk for days. Every time I passed I thought, come on, do it, but every time I admired the colour ... They are still here, but only until I finish writing this and then I will give them a huge leaving party, ending my relationship with them at last. What are we holding on to that needs to be let go of? God is speaking to me and teaching me things on this journey. Baggage, over-packed things, that are just too weighty and need to be dropped. Letting go does not always have to mean the “end”, as my dear friend put it: “Acknowledge the beauty of the shoe, the ministry, the bank account, what you liked and the season and purpose they served, and your hope for them in THEIR future. In the case of the shoes, they will be treasured and beautiful to someone else. Then, as time goes by, they too will complete their purpose and be laid to rest. And, their impact will remain where they imprinted.” Let’s Pray: Father, In life’s journey we have many weights that we don’t need. Help us, Help ME, to let go when the first nudge is felt, and if need be, give us a sharper nudge, so that our journey can be smoother and more comfortable. Set us free to live your abundant life. It’s what you desire for each of us. Thank you! In Jesus Name Amen OH! Just in case you want to see a picture of the offending shoes, you can look for me on Instagram: it’s the same name as this podcast “His Calm in my Storm”. Thanks for listening to Episode 8 of His Calm In My Storm.

Creation's Light comes in so many forms, colours, shapes and sizes. It is such a gift to experience it in all of its glory; as an eclipse, but also in every day things, like a sunrise, sunset, a cool breeze, in an ocean swim ...    Were you one of those people who were up late on May 15 2022, or who woke up specially to see the Super Blood Moon Eclipse? Sadly, I was not one of them. I did not know about it or I would have been right there to witness it from my balcony. Many were awe struck. I read about it later, or heard descriptions from friends who had seen it. It was actually named the Super Flower Blood Moon because it coincided with the spring blooming season in the U.S. It was a total lunar eclipse and it was the longest since 1989. It was visible to millions of stargazers across four continents. Joe Rao of space.com, said “During the lunar eclipse, the full moon spent about 85 minutes inside the Earth’s darker shadow. Many pictures came in from all over the world commenting on the beauty of the eclipse And astronomer Bob Berman said this during the live broadcast of the eclipse, “The things that are awe-inspiring, almost spiritual, don’t require modern technology”. Isn’t that so true? Nature ... in all its forms. God is such an amazing creator. My friend posted on Instagram after seeing the blood moon eclipse - “Light and time change everything: vision, colour, perspective; all it takes is five minutes ... Watch the sunset, shine like the moon and marvel at the stars ... God is in the creative details.” HE SURE IS! The sky has been full of haze lately, with lots of dust in the atmosphere. It’s made it difficult to see light, like In moments of mental struggle, when light seems to have gone dim. I looked up one evening to see how the stars were faring. They were trying to push through the haze, I could almost see them. Later in the night I looked up again. There they were! in all their splendour, Their shining lights could not be stopped. Psalm 148:3 says: Praise him, sun and moon; praise him, all you shining stars’. Start music And the words of one of my favourite worship songs by Tim Hughes: “Light of the world, You stepped down into darkness, Opened my eyes, let me see, Beauty that made This heart adore You, Hope of a life spent with you.” 2 Samuel 22:29 “You are my lamp, O Lord; The Lord turns my darkness into light”. I’ll end with a prayer : Dear Father, Thanks for being an ever-powerful light to lead and strengthen us when we are lost. Remind us that you are always there with your ready embrace. You are in the details, in nature, in everything, and your love for us is deep. Thank you for your patience as we journey closer to you in trust and peace, and especially in LOVE! In Jesus name. AMEN Join me again next time in His Calm in my storm https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MmRGSEG2LM        Podcast Editor: Stephen Lovell

Encouraging stories of rainbow encounters Transcript of Episode 5 :- Do you sometimes see things in nature that make you feel ‘fuzzy’ inside? What about getting a nudge while watching a film, or you see ‘something’ in your pet’s eyes like they are trying to tell you something? This episode is about rainbows and the effect they can have. First of all, the history of a rainbow. In Genesis, when Noah left the arc after the flood had ended, God made a pact, or covenant with Noah and all of his descendants (that’s us!).  The covenant promised that God would never again allow a flood to destroy the earth. As a sign of this perpetual covenant, God said he would hang a rainbow among the clouds, a reminder of sorts to Him of the promise He made to all of us. I am in different Whatsapp groups or chats, like I have a family chat, a sisters chat, a praying moms chat, a dolphin pod chat, and a few others. We share pictures, family goings-on, prayer requests, little stories of what’s been going on in our lives and so on. Rainbows came up a lot recently, and I had to share a few snippets. I asked two of my very good friends that had had pretty powerful encounters with rainbows if they would share on my podcast. And they agreed! Thanks Mbonabi and Lisa! Lisa’s recording Mbonabi’s recording I also have a rainbow story! I had been feeling low, tired and worried that I may be sinking into a slump of sorts. I was listening to music in my car trying to shake the gloomy feeling.  A song began to play called ‘Talking to Jesus’. So, I started to talk to him, and tell him how I was feeling. I looked to my right and there was a bright rainbow, and it was as if God was talking back to me, saying that everything was okay. And it was. Thanks for listening to episode 5 of His Calm in My Storm.

WEIGHT Trusting God to take your burden Do you carry extra, unnecessary weight around like I do? Do you have a handbag that is weighty? Yes, guilty! It contains more stuff than I’d ever need, but as a Brownie in Primary School, I’m one of these people prepared for a rainy day. That’s my excuse anyway! I clean out my bag every so often, throw away the light stuff (like papers, receipts, sweet wrappers, tissue), but otherwise it remains the same. I sometimes have a bad handbag day - that’s when I feverishly empty out the contents and look at it despairingly before dropping items in places that they need to go outside the bag. (garbage, filing or back in bag). What about when you have to change bags, and just when you need this one thing that is usually untouched for months, and it is not there - left in the old bag! SO annoying! I lift my Mum’s bag when she visits and goes up my numerous front steps so that she can safely hold on to the railings. And yes, her bag is as heavy, or heavier than mine! Are you a heavy packer when you’re going on a trip? I am, taking things I just might need, and never use them. I have gotten better over the years, with my husband’s help! When I think of weight, I think: 1. My middle age stomach 2. Being Laden down with grocery bags 3. Hand held phones used while lying down for long periods, which equals neck ache for me 4. Grimacing shoulder pain and listening to someone venting at the same time 5. Opposite of dead weight is buoyant When I scuba dive I am pretty buoyant so I have to use more weights, either pocket ones or belted, otherwise I float to the surface A little more about Dead weight - We were watching a new National Geographic documentary called The Rescue - the story of the 12 boys and their football coach trapped deep within caves in Thailand. After more than 15 days ?? The difficult decision was made to sedate each boy before being able to safely bring them out - a two and a half hour diving journey was required to get them out of the heavily flooded caves, a harrowing journey even for the most qualified cave divers. The boys were dead weights as the heroic divers swam them out. They all survived. It’s a heart-warming and tearful watch. Weight and burden sort of go hand in hand. According to The Oxford Dictionary Thesaurus and Wordpower Guide, Weight means heaviness or influence; adjective weighty means heavy, serious, important or influential . Burden means something carried or an obligation causing hardship; the verb to load or to oppress. (Sorry about that, I liked English grammar at school!!) Do you get a heavy head sometimes? I do, it feels overloaded and tense. That’s when I should remember to focus on my breath, and try to do a stretch /Pilates movement. I read in Jesus Calling devotional ‘I am ever so near you, hovering over your shoulder’. I’m liking that. So .. we are coming to the end of this episode, and, if you have listened to any of my previous ones, this is where I get, inverted commas, ‘religious’!! (I really don’t like that word!) Jesus said in Matthew 11: 28-30 COME TO ME, ALL YOU WHO ARE WEARY AND BURDENED, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. TAKE MY YOKE UPON YOU AND LEARN FROM ME, FOR I AM GENTLE AND HUMBLE IN HEART, AND YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. FOR MY YOKE IS EASY AND MY BURDEN IS LIGHT. The Passion Bible translation puts it this way: ARE YOU WEARY, CARRYING A HEAVY BURDEN? THEN COME TO ME. I WILL REFRESH YOUR LIFE, FOR I AM YOUR OASIS. SIMPLY JOIN YOUR LIFE WITH MINE. LEARN MY WAYS AND YOU’LL DISCOVER THAT I’M GENTLE, HUMBLE, EASY TO PLEASE. YOU WILL FIND REFRESHMENT AND REST IN ME. FOR ALL THAT I REQUIRE OF YOU WILL BE PLEASANT AND EASY TO BEAR. “I am your Oasis” - Oasis … that image to me is a beautiful place, full of sweet water and everything you need to replenish yourself in the middle of a hot parched desert, given freely to help you in your ongoing journey. I’LL TAKE THAT ANY DAY!

VISION AND LIGHT My Vision has been playing tricks on me, I first noticed it a year or more ago. it is taking me longer to recognise objects, making the connection between what I see and what it actually is - that pathway from vision to recognition is bumpy and slow! I blink and try to be patient, and wait for the message to get to my bouncy, blurry brain. It does eventually get there, most of the time! Just one of the never-ending things that happen with age. My good friend calls it ‘dry rot’! I was lucky enough to receive Lasik surgery on my very short-sighted eyes when I was in my late thirties. After years of wearing contact lenses or thick glasses, could a brief procedure to change the shape of my cornea actually provide precise vision? I sat with my husband in the hotel cafe on the morning of the surgery and he asked me to read the sign that was outside the window in the distance. I read it easily with my glasses on. The next day, after the surgery, I had no trouble reading it with my naked eye. My glasses and contact lenses found the trash very quickly. I was warned that there would come a point in my fifties where I would need help to see when reading, and, yes, as I reached that half century mark, my eyes do cry out for glasses to read! Vision plays tricks in other ways too. I was at a pottery shop with my daughter some time ago and we came across a small ‘thing’ on one of the display shelves. I had to really study it, picking it up, turning it over, and eventually coming to the conclusion that it was a candle holder, the old fashioned kind for a tall slim candle to rest on. My daughter, Jess, came up with a completely different thought for what it was. A sombrero hat …. Hmm My interest was recently sparked for doing jigsaw puzzles, the physical kind, after visiting my sister and seeing the one that her family was working on. A few weeks on, Jess and I are on our 4th one. Usually between 500 and 1,000 pieces. I notice I am much slower in recognising where they go, and I tend to be all over the place, searching for one colour or piece of an object, and then moving on rather too quickly to another area. My brain can be all over the place … My quick, switched on partner works on one section at a time and then joins it to the main part. Without her I would probably have given up or be still on my first puzzle. We can all agree that we see better in the daylight than at night. What about if you are going through a rough, challenging time? - sometimes we may not notice the sunshine and vibrancy of colour in our day-to-day interactions, but we only see shadows and dullness. Yet The light of God’s love is always there, beckoning like the dawn of a new day. There are metaphors used in the Bible to describe Jesus, such as the rock, sun and shield, bread that gives life, the vine and the good shepherd, to name a few. Have you ever heard of Jesus being referred to as the Light? Of course it was a bright shining star that led the shepherds to baby Jesus. 1 John 1:5 says, ‘God is light, in him there is no darkness at all.’ Jesus says of himself, in John 8 :12, ’I am the light that shines through the cosmos; if you walk with Me, you will thrive in the nourishing light that gives life and you will NOT know darkness.’ And the apostle Paul speaks of Jesus in Ephesians 5:13 ’When the light shines, it exposes even the dark and shadowy things and turns them into pure reflections of light’. I am reminded of the open, gentle hand of Jesus inviting us in, to rest and hang out with him, just to BE … all darkness gone, only warmth and glowing love. He welcomes us so warmly and he does not want anything in return, other than our acceptance of Him. I’ll leave you with Psalm 43 verse 3 “Pour into me the brightness of your daybreak! Pour into me your rays of revelation-truth! Let them comfort and gently lead me onto the shining path to you …" Lauren Daigle's song ”https://youtu.be/_cLhaZIBSpo

TRANSCRIPT OF EPISODE 2 His Calm in My Storm When my kids were small I would pray aloud with them at bedtime, and I always seemed to include in our prayers all the people who were lonely. I wanted God’s touch to reach all those people who were hurting. Christmas can be a lonely time. It’s a time when everyone is rushing from place to place, trying to get everything done in time. People can get over-tired and tempers flare, road rage increases, and many are actually happy when the festive season is over. My memories of Christmas as a young child were all about Santa Clause. I put him on a pedestal and loved to give him a hug at the parties we both were at, or sit close by and observe his kindly interactions with all the kids. One of my love languages is gifts, so I admit I may have liked to receive the toys and games from him as well! I loved getting excited with my kids when they were at the ‘believing age’ and I did my best to keep that going for as many Christmases as possible. Now, they are grown, and yet I still have a soft spot for Santa Clause. I was travelling recently and one of the malls had magnificent displays in strategic places. I stopped to admire lights and a massive teddy bear resting on an array of massive old fashioned tree decorations, huge toy soldiers, candy canes, and some of the round kind in the brightest colours with a scoop out of the middle. or fully round and breakable (or at least they looked shiny and breakable). Then I caught a glimpse of something - Inside one of the tree decorations, on soft plush green cushions, sat Santa Clause! Decked out in his golden waistcoat, red velvet pants and that white and red hat. White bearded and moustached, of course, small round glasses, and he was waving at me! Me! I’m not a kid, but I found myself waving back and smiling from ear to ear. It made my day, especially as I had been struggling to find what I needed at the mall, and my back and legs were hurting from a ‘shop till you drop’ session the day before. Smiles and kind gestures go a long way at this time of year especially. It’s a time of gift-giving, remembering those who have done so much for us. People who have a tendency towards depression dread the looming of Christmas. I’ve been there. The feeling that I will not manage the demands of the jolly season as well as complete normal schedules and deadlines that tend to increase with each passing day. And yet, everything does get done in time, or it is prioritised in the best way possible.  We often attend the Christmas Eve children’s service at the local Parrish church where the birth of Jesus is enacted, and if I am not in the Christmas spirit by then, singing carols does the trick. I love the Christmas story - the lead up to the birth of Jesus. The light of the world, the king of kings actually coming to live among us, to show us how to live in dependence with the Father, The ultimate sacrifice of love. At times the story seems blurry and our prayers seem pointless, And yet He is always there, to welcome and love us. So let’s pray: Prayer Dear heavenly Father, Thank you for the gift of Jesus, for lighting up our paths, for making things new. This year has been tough, and we have felt at times that it is just too difficult, Yet, You show us the way, helping us to keep going, You shine in the darkness! As Psalm 23 says, With you, we have more than enough, offering us a resting place in your luxurious Love. Your tracks take us to an oasis of peace, the quiet brook of bliss. The comfort of your love takes away our fear and we will never be lonely, for you are near. In Jesus name Amen!

Navigating life, trusting the God who never changes and accepting myself