jumble podcast

Ending one chapter and beginning another is so scary, but honestly I just feel so lucky to have gotten to experience it at all.

This audio diary was recorded back in late October right in the middle of midterm season. After the initial shock of moving to a different country, I'm grappling with feeling different from the people around me in ways I attempt (but maybe don't succeed) to articulate in this episode.

In this episode I review Black Cake by Charmaine Wilkerson which is a story filled with secrets upon secrets, showcasing that most times, even the people closest to us can feel as unrecognizable as strangers.

This episode is a brutally honest audio diary with reflections on my first few weeks living abroad in Scotland. There have been beautiful sights to see and tears cried on random benches. But overall, I'm so excited to see where life takes me. video version: https://youtu.be/t-1V9e83KXE

It took me six months to come to terms with the fact that I was being sexually harassed. It's something that can be ambiguous to the point where victim blaming becomes commonplace and the perpetrator can never truly face consequences that satisfy anyone. It left me with a bitter taste in my mouth that I'm still processing to this day and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever truly recover from it or if it will be a trauma I carry with me forever. TW: descriptions of harassment

In this episode I talk about the nuances of heart break and the impact it can have on your daily life. Sometimes I'm not sure if I should be sad that it's over but glad that it happened or if I should be sad that it happened but glad that it's over.

Even when life feels bleak there's always more out there for you to experience. Life has a lot left in store for you. And even if you don't understand when or how you'll get there, I know that you'll understand in the end.

In this episode, I'm reviewing Lightlark by Alex Aster and having a great time doing it. I missed reading fantasy books lately and this book definitely did not disappoint. It made me spiral emotionally and maybe even reginited my trust issues but it was so worth it.

I got my heartbroken and I don't know what to do about it. But I'm figuring it out I think, very clumsily, but forward progress is better than no progress at all.

In this episode I'm taken on a rollercoaster of happy, sad, angry emotions as I review Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid. In this book chock full of racial undertones and complicated relationships, I find myself empathizing with the experiences of another lost and confused young black woman.

In this episode, I read my own writing and reminisce on why it is that I write in the first place. link to anthology: https://girlswritenow.org/2023anthology/

I got rejected and it sucks. It doesn't suck as much as I thought it would, but regardless, it still sucks. link to gradcafe: https://www.thegradcafe.com/

To end off Black History Month with a bang I read Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan and each time I read a book by a Black author I find myself more enthralled by the ways they articulate concepts that I've grappled with for my entire life. Sometimes I've been grappling with them without even being conscious of it. I love seeing myself represented in stories but I love seeing my life represented in stories even more.

Grad school results are coming out soon and it's all I can think about. Will I get rejected and cry on the floor for the next 10 business days? Can I even fantasize about getting acceptance without inevitably getting my heart shattered? Either way there's only two outcomes: rejection or acceptance. And only time will tell.

I made some resolutions sure that the new year would be the perfect time to fulfill them, but it's been a lot harder than I thought it would be. Anyways, all I can do is keep trying everyday until I get it right. youtube video: https://youtu.be/bFfKJkBOcis

Sometimes I feel like I let my hair define who I am as a Black woman or even just as a person too much. To the point where it impacts my mental health. Hair depression sucks and I wish it didn't control my perception of beauty as much as it does. Hair Depression Defined by Mane Curator

I just can't seem to keep my mouth shut these days. In this episode, I talk about the after effects that confrontation has on me because if it's one thing I've learned from confronting people it's that the hardest part of confrontation is not always the act itself.

Are Black women the only women who don't have pretty privilege? From FKA Twigs and Suki Waterhouse comparisons to Meghan Markle's struggles in the Royal Family it feels like none of us can catch a break!!!! And I'm just tired. FKA Twigs Quote Suki Waterson Articles: Vanity Fair & Into The Gloss

I used to hate showing emotions. It felt embarrassing, disgusting, and repulsive. But my real problem with emotions was that it felt too revealing. In this episode, I talk about my journey of allowing myself to be more vulnerable in life and all the ups and downs that come with it.

Who doesn't love reading a short and sweet romcom in autumn? I for one am utterly obsessed with this genre so this week, I reviewed Funny You Should Ask by Elissa Sussman. A mix of endearing, relatable, and romancey moments, this book stole my heart and I would gladly let it do it again.

Sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to write the next big thing and I forget why I started writing in the first place. In this episode I remind myself to write the things that make me laugh, cry, and cringe instead of trying to write what I think other people would want me to write. visit the jumble podcast website!!!!

I am obsessed with house plants. And like all people who are obsessed with house plants, I own an obscene amount of them. But, with my collection of plants that once brought me so much joy dying around me it's made me do some inner reflections on myself. Why is it so hard for me to get the motivation to do something I once loved so much?

After reading Genki Kawamura's If Cats Disappeared From the World, I can safely say that my journey reading translated books has been very interesting so far. Tune in to both a non-spoiler and spoiler review of the book to hear my thoughts. And although this book wasn't exactly what I was expecting, I'm very much looking forward to reading my next translated book.

I've only been in my twenties for two years and it's already beating the hell out of me. The highs are really high and the lows are really low, but I think as long as I wake up every day and try my best (whatever that ends up looking like on that day), I surely, hopefully am headed in the right direction.

I haven't written a single creative word since May. I'm frustrated, disappointed, and confused because all I want to do is write and the only thing I spend my time not doing is writing. In this episode I try to get to the bottom of this ridiculous situation by talking it out.

Failure is inevitable in life when you put yourself outside of your comfort zone, but that doesn't mean that it hurts any less... In this episode I grapple with failure once again along with the burnout that comes with working as hard as you can your entire life.

Lately I've been feeling so restricted by what people think I should be doing with my life. By what I think I should be doing in life. But I'm sick and tired of dealing with everyone's expectations of who or what I should be so I think I'm just going to live everyday aiming to be as happy as I can be with the life that I'm living. bit.ly/jumblepod

tune in to my first ever 10/10 book review of Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi to learn more about the book that I will literally be thinking about until the day I die.

This week I reviewed Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros which has been all over my instagram feed lately. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about because people were ranting and raving over this book. I give a non-spoiler review and the beginning of the episode and a spoiler review at the end of the episode for those who have and haven't read the book.

A reader's worst nightmare is realizing that they are in a reading slump. It's the worst thing ever to realize that you don't find joy in the one thing that you used to look forward to everyday. From figuring out what causes reading slumps to brainstorming ways to escape them, this episode is all about what to do when it's a struggle to get through even one page in a book. Links: Reading Slumps Article bit.ly/jumblepod

having roommates in college is literally a roller coaster. Like a ride that you can't get off for literally 9 months. It'll make you scream, cry, and maybe even laugh. Either way you'll come out as a changed person, for better or worse.

I feel some type of way about talking about my hobbies because it feels embarrassing to be associated with them. In this episode I talk about distancing myself from my interest in reading, listening to Kpop, and watching anime or Kdramas.

Pick your poison: strangers to enemies to lovers? Or childhood friends to lovers to strangers? Mafia books, age gaps, amnesia, pregnancy, and forbidden love are inescapable tropes in books these days. Some are loved and some are hated, but why do we even care so much and are they limiting creativity in books as publishers increasingly focus on meeting the demand for trending tropes?

life after college is like some sort of weird limbo where it feels like you're just waiting for your real life to start. But what does that even mean? I mean, aren't we in our real adult life right now? Even if we don't have jobs or live on our own? Instead of waiting for life to start, I think about the ways that we can enjoy the life we have right now instead of spending all this time worrying about what the future holds. Links: bit.ly/jumblepod

The thought of dealing with my anxiety everyday makes me nauseous. How ridiculous is that? Feeling anxious about being anxious. Regardless of how ridiculous it is, in this episode I talk about the ways that anxiety impacts my daily life and I try to see if I can pinpoint the moment that it all began. Links: bit.ly/jumblepod

Learning to love yourself is hard. And it's even harder to know where to start when trying to learn how to love yourself. In this episode, I talk about some steps that I took on the journey to loving myself with all of the embarrassing moments that accompany teaching yourself how to feel attractive. links: bit.ly/jumblepod

Oh yeah! I'm reading more books by black authors and reviewing them. I had a whole lot to say about the book Memphis by Tara M. Stringfellow in this episode as I discussed scenes in the book that shocked me to my core and others that left me wanting more (oh my gosh that rhymed). links: Coretta Scott King and Memphis NPR Article bit.ly/jumblepod

What is the difference between being alone and being lonely? Sometimes it feels like the line is so blurred that it makes it difficult for me to enjoy spending time by myself. But honestly, being alone is when I feel most at ease. links: https://www.16personalities.com/profile bit.ly/jumblepod

Do what you need to do to protect your happiness. Making sure that I protect my happiness sometimes requires confronting others by advocating for what is right or even just standing my ground when I tell my friends that I don't feel like going out today. Regardless of how major or minor each confrontation is, I always find myself dealing with a mix of anxiety and guilt that I can't seem to shake every time I end up in these situations. Links: bit.ly/jumblepod 5 Basic Steps to Confrontation

I like reading romance books more than I would like to admit. Why do I feel kind of embarrassed to admit that reading romance novels is one of my favorite things to do these days? Links: Romance Novel Cover Trends Article bit.ly/jumblepod

Outgrowing a friendship is painful for everyone. It's painful if they've outgrown your friendship and you haven't. It's painful when you've outgrown it and they haven't. And somehow it's still painful even when everyone has outgrown it at the same time. But even amongst the discomfort that the pain brings during this time, there's also a sense of excitement when you realize that outgrowing a friendship means that you are one step closer to figuring out what kind of person that you want to be. Links: bit.ly/jumblepod

There was a time when I was repulsed by my reflection because of my acne. I've worked really hard to come to a place when I feel more comfortable in my skin, but as I look back on my journey to get to this point I remember how difficult it was to get through each day knowing that I hated the way that I looked. In this episode, I give skin care recommendations, discuss the pros and cons of using accutane, and think about the effect that my acne had on my self-confidence. Links: bit.ly/jumblepod

oh my god, I'm graduating college and I'm not following any of the plans that I laid out for myself when I was 17 years old. Suddenly I don't know the difference between what I actually want for my life and what I think I should want my life to be like and I'm literally having an existential crisis every 2 hours. The future is scary and exciting and I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm trying to go but god I hope that I get there in one piece. Links: ⁠bit.ly/jumblepod

In an effort to read more books written by Black authors that feature Black characters (because for some reason this is something that I have to remind myself to intentionally seek out), I read 7 Days in June by Tia Williams. Listen to this episode for a non-spoiler review at the beginning of the episode with a spoiler review at the end of the episode where I do a deep dive into the memorable moments of the story. Links: ⁠bit.ly/jumblepod

After years and years of talking about it, I finally got my first tattoo. It wasn't really the magical experience that I had envisioned, but it's one of those things that I think worked out exactly how it was supposed to. Links: bit.ly/jumblepod

Failing at something can be devastating and lately it seems like I can't even go one month without it. This episode is all about perseverance even in, and especially in, the face of failure during those moments when all hope seems lost and all you really wanna do is sit on the floor and cry. Links: Why You Will Pick the Wrong Career Youtube Video bit.ly/jumblepod

Nobody wants to be a struggling artist. In this episode, I talk with Nigel Sandridge about how we can use our strengths as a creative people to our advantage and we talk about the mindset that we should have when going through the phases in life when your success as a creative person feels impossibly out of reach. Jumble Website: bit.ly/jumblepod Find Nigel at: https://www.instagram.com/NoMargins_Media/ https://www.instagram.com/sensei_sand/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqWSKJA6UUnaciuhM7mk9OQ

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without academic validation. What kinds of things would make me feel proud? What would motivate me to work hard? In this episode ponder the implications of the murky water that encompasses academic validation. Links: Blog post: Overcoming the Need for Academic Validation  Tik Toks Mentioned: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRb4GQk3/, https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRb4EDLe/ 

Lately it seems like rejection is following me everywhere I go. It makes me question if I'm cut out for my dream careers and it makes me wonder it's a sign to give up before it's too late. Though the tears and self doubt, I find myself wondering how much more my determination will be tested before the day that the rejections become acceptances finally arrives.

Including father figure-like characters in my stories when writing always gives me a pause. As a writer that draws heavily for her own life to spin fictional stories, this weakness makes me feel a little bit like I’m lacking as a writer. In this episode, I explore the causes of this mental block and the larger cultural implications that it has on my writing. Links: What Are Daddy Issues?