Looking For The Middle: The Christian’s Guide to Modern Dating

Hey friends! Kristen here! I'm dropping into the LFTM feed today to let you know about my brand new podcast - The Youth Pastor's Wife Podcast!    I couldn't start off on this new season of my podcasting journey without letting yall know about the show and without saying thank you for all your love and support over the years! After all, yall are a huge reason why I fell in love with podcasting in the first place!    I would love for you to come over and listen to the show! And if you know a youth pastor's wife, it would mean the world to me if you would share the show with her!    The first three episodes of The Youth Pastor's Wife Podcast are available now so you can start listening today!    I'm so excited to see what God has in store for this new podcast! 

Wow. We can’t really believe that we’re here. In some ways, it seems like the past 6 years have absolutely flown by. In other ways, it seems like we’re limping across this finish line after all of the turmoil and upheaval of the past year. Either way, we are so, so grateful for all of you and are mindful of the Lord’s goodness in all things. We are going to spend this last episode reflecting on the good times, the sad times, the funny times and everything in-between as we close out the Looking For The Middle journey as we have known it.  We have a very special “guest" with us and you do not want to miss it! Be sure to join our Facebook group here if you want to stay in the loop about what is next for LFTM! 

If you sang that title in your head like I did… you are my people! haha  This is the second to final episode and we are feeling nostalgic so this is a bit of a full-circle moment. We are taking it back to the days of random numbers and topics we don’t know ahead of time like the early days of CouchCast. So, sit back, and enjoy as we answer all your questions one last time!

Do you find yourself in a period of being single for longer than you had hoped or planned? Even if this isn’t you right now, there’s a good chance it has been you at some point, and today we’re diving into how to navigate this season and what it looks like to honor the Lord even in a period of life you might not have picked.

January and February are the months with the highest traffic on online dating apps for the whole year! Don’t miss out on those quality matches and messages… we’re here to help you get your profile in tip top shape.

You guys… this week’s episode is a mess! I am just warning you! We sat down to record and before we knew it, the building was overrun with people and then suddenly there were people all over the outside and they were replacing the gutters. We are all kids of distracted and there is all kinds of noise. SO SORRY!! We did our best guys… haha

Last season we touched on this idea from a more philosophical point of view… today, we’re getting into more of what this idea looks like practically. 

We’re back from our little, unexpected, unannounced, poorly executed mini-mid-season-sabbatical! Sorry about that guys… there has been A LOT going on. We get into all of that today and we will be back to our regularly scheduled programming as usual next week! 

We mentioned last week that we have been running on fumes the past couple of weeks… a lot going on personally, with work, and just all around. We hoped we’d be back on track this week, but we’re not quite there yet. So, just bear with us just a little longer and we’ll be back to normal (as normal as you can expect from us) in the next couple of weeks! 

We’re tackling some of your questions today!!

Do you ever wonder if you’re wanting to actually date THIS person or if you’re just wanting ANY person to fill a void that you feel in your life? Today, we’re going to tackle this question and talk through several scenarios where you may find yourself in this place. And, then, as always, we’re going to work through how to get out of it!

Hello, long lost friends! Goodness, this off-season seemed especially long! We have missed you guys and have so much to talk about… so, jump in with this week’s episode and let’s have a fun season!

Today is the Season 10 Finale! And, we’re getting through as many of your questions as possible. All bets are off. There are no filters. Here we go!

This is definitely one of those episodes where the point is that we all know we’re not alone! Dating in church can be just plain weird sometimes. There are so many pitfalls and awkward situations that are uniquely Christian. Today, we’re diving into all the weirdness, and while we may not actually solve anything, we will definitely all leave feeling decidedly less alone.

This episode has been in the works for a few seasons now! We wanted to give it the preparation and thought it deserved… so, now, we’re jumping in and tackling this topic with the book of Proverbs as our jumping off point. We’re looking at the Proverbs 31 woman and then the Proverbs 1-30 man too!

Whether you’re the one being set up, or the one doing the setting up… we’ve been on both sides of this delicate topic and we’re talking about the whole process from start to finish from both sides!

Do you ever look back and wish you had been able to tell the younger version of yourself that everything would be ok? Or, maybe you want to tell yourself to snap out of it and get your act together? Here’s what we would have told ourselves if we had that chance!

Dalton has been a bit under the weather and we haven’t been able to record this week. We’ll be back next week with our next new episode, but until then, here’s one of your favorites for you to listen to again!  Oh, those early, awkward, unsure dates.... they're the worst, right? Please tell me I'm not the only one?! One thing that has made all the difference for me is know what to expect going into them. What to expect of the guy AND the date. Today, Dalton and I are talking about what are reasonable and unreasonable expectations to have going into those first few dates with someone new.

We talk (and complain) a lot about how dating is a complicated and convoluted process and that you don’t want to complicate it more. But, we don’t really talk all that much about how to actually simplify the process. So, let’s do that today!

Do you ever feel like there’s something missing in your life and if you could just have that one thing, then your life would be better? Complete, even? It’s so easy to push aside the satisfaction and contentment we should look for from Christ and put “things” into that place instead. Sometimes it seems like God doesn’t even understand what it is that you’re walking through. We get it. We’ve been there. We are there. This week’s episode is a little more raw, we’re talking the walls down and speaking from the heart today.

That is the question... Today we’re looking at lots of different scenarios along a dating timeline and discussing whether or not it’s a good idea to pray with your significant other and for your significant other in those scenarios. This is a really sensitive topic and we’re trying to do it justice, while still being clear and offering a Biblical perspective.

Why is it that everyone wants clarity in dating and at the same time everyone also feels like clarity is greatly lacking in dating? If everyone wants clarity, and yet no-one’s getting clarity, we have a problem on our hands, right? This week, we’re taking a look at why clarity is so important, what some of the major hindrances to it in dating, and what to do about it!

Denominations can cause a lot of confusion when it comes to dating sometimes! There’s a lot of overlap, but there’s a lot of differences too and discerning which are ok and which aren’t can be tricky. We’re walking through our thought processes when it comes to this and you get to come along for the ride!

We’re digging into the topic of missionary dating today and it’s a great discussion of what to be on the lookout for if you’re concerned that maybe this is the situation you’re in, what it means to be equally yoked, and more.

This season's Men Tell All episode is a bit different! We're interviewing Ben and his wife Lindsay this week to get some insight into what dating as a Christian couple really looks like. What were the most important and helpful things as they navigated dating, engagement, and now marriage? What is their best advice to those still looking? They have a ton of wisdom!

You like him... he likes you... seems like a dream scenario, right? Should you always go for it, if that's the case? Are there ever times when you still shouldn't say anything? In this week's episode, we're looking at those times when maybe the best thing to do is just shut up and not say anything. Maybe it's not forever, it's just for right now... we're looking at how to speak up after you've decided not to too.  Also... apologies for the sound issues w/Bethany's microphone! It decided to be annoying this week and we didn't know it until we were done!

There are several questions that we have gotten way more than any others and we've talked about them in previous episodes or CouchCasts, but this week, we're throwing all of them at Dalton to get a guy's perspective on some of your most burning questions! What do guys really think of girls asking them out? How can we  know if a guy is interested or if he's just being nice? Answers to those and so much more in this week's episode!

This is our first ever Women Tell All episode and we couldn't be happier to have Mel on the show! She founded IYKYK Christian Dating almost two years ago and has created a vibrant community for Christian singles online and in-person through the mixers they have hosted all over the country. They're coming to ATL this month!! So, if you're local and want to sign up, the link is below for tickets. Dalton and I will be there and we're working on some ideas for recording live from the event too! Today, we're talking about trends in Christian dating that she sees as they travel, as well as ways the church gets dating right and where they could improve, we talk about ghosting and how it has no place in Christian circles, and so much more!   IYKYK Christian Dating Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/iykykchristiandating   ATL Mixer Tickets: https://iykykdating.ticketspice.com/atlanta-ga-iykyk-dating-mixer--ages-23-39--october-22

We've been looking for the middle for a while around here... but, one thing we've kind of realized is that maybe we're all too distracted with the "looking" and not focused enough on being found. Let's discuss!

Does it sometimes feel like you're the first and only person to ever be single in the church? Everywhere you turn, there are married, or nearly married people? In today's episode, we're discussing reasons why that may be, but even more importantly, we're discussing 5 things you can do to alleviate that feeling of loneliness.

This question came in from one of our dear guy listeners and we can feel his pain! We've both been in very similar situations over the years and it can be tricky. We're taking a look at this potential problem from several different angles and coming up with several suggestions for how to figure out where Girl "A" stands without blowing up any friendships in the process!

Sometimes it's easier to remember everything you want to say if you write it down first, or you can talk without someone else sitting there waiting to respond, but does that mean it's ok to have big, important conversations (think DTR) over text message or a voice recording app? 

This is a little different than our usual episode format! Since it's a holiday week, we're going to have some fun with it! Today, we're playing games... dating games to be specific... Would You Rather, True/False, and Never Have I Ever. It was super fun and if you go follow along on IG (@lftm_podcast) on release day, you can play too! Then, we're going to take a look at the games we all tend to play when it comes to dating. Playing hard to get, stringing people along, all that sort of thing. We're going to take a look at what some of the most common games that you see in dating and then whether or not they're really a God honoring way to go about relationships.

This was one of our longest CouchCast episodes ever! We loved this conversation. As two girls who definitely have self-sabotage tendencies when it comes to relationships, we can definitely relate. We discuss what can cause this kind of thinking, what we should be thinking instead, how to overcome it, and the role your community plays in this.

We've reached the end of online dating month! And, we saved the best for last. We can talk all day about how to date online and what to put in your profile and which pictures to use or which ones to not use, but does any of it really matter if it's not what makes an impression on the guys looking at your profile? Not really. So, we went straight to the guys and asked them their thoughts. Here's what we found...

It's our last platform review day and today we're taking on the oh so infamous dating apps. Bumble, Hinge, and Coffee Meets Bagel are the three we're taking a look at. We've got tips for setting up a profile, how to use the apps effectively, and some pitfalls to watch out for too. 

Welcome to week 2 of our deep dive into online dating! Today kicks off several episodes taking a look at the specific sites and apps that are out there and giving an in-depth review of them. We're starting off with one of the longest running, most well known sites... eHarmony. This one is actually Bethany's favorite (at the moment) and the one Kristen hates the least, so that's saying something right there! 

It's online dating month! We're taking a deep dive from beginning to end on the entire process of online dating. So, if you've never tried online dating before because it seems to intimidating and confusing, or if you've been away from the online dating world for a while, this is for you. We're going to break down the mindset you need to have going into it this week and then over the next few weeks we'll take an in-depth look at specific apps and sites as well as talk about online dating from guys' perspectives and get their insight into what they're looking for in a girl's profile too!

If you've got a friend who it dating someone who is not, or doesn't seem to be, a Christian... approaching that conversation can fill you with equal parts terror and dread. It's kind of like your mom always used to say... "it's not what you say, as how you say it". Today, we're going to give you some ideas for how to approach that and what your motivation and heart attitude should be as you reach out to your friend.

This week, you're basically going to be learning from both of us telling you to do exactly the opposite of what we've done. We have learned these lessons the hard way for sure! We've both been in this place... gotten out of this place... and lived to tell about it! So, just know that if you're in this super frustrating place in a situationship with a guy you know... there is light at the end of the tunnel!

So you've been talking to this seemingly great guy for a while online and now it's time to meet in person for the first time... what should you do? What should you not do? We've got safety tips and more!

We get asked a lot about how much of an age gap is too much in dating, but this question was a bit of a different twist on that... it's looking at life stages more than actual age. We go a lot of different directions with this and there is even a story about one of us almost getting attacked by a bird recently. You don't want to miss this! haha

Whether or not he loves Jesus is obviously the most attractive thing, but this was a fun question asked by one of you guys... what are some of the other most attractive qualities to look for in someone? We throw out several of our top ones... confidence, decisive, and several more! We also look at a few that aren't so attractive ;)

This is by far the most asked question we get! It can be tough figuring out how to let a guy know you're interested without becoming the pursuer. In today's CouchCast, we went directly to the experts and asked one of our guy friends the best way to really communicate this to them. We also talk about some of our go to flirting techniques so there's that too! ;)

Y'all, I somehow managed to not actually publish last Friday's CouchCast Rewind... so, guess what?! That means 2 this week... today and Friday! Enjoy :)   A great question that is not always fun to talk about, but it needs to be talked about... Is it ever ok to date someone who is not a Christian? That's what we're tackling today.

We're on a season break, but we're pulling some popular CouchCasts from the archives for the month of June so you've got something to listen to!! :)   It doesn't matter whether you're the person being broken up with or you're the person doing the breaking up... it's not fun no matter how you look at it. But, there are some things you can do to make it a little better and be able to look back without any regrets. That's what we're talking about today!

We're on a season break, but we're pulling some popular CouchCasts from the archives for the month of June so you've got something to listen to!! :)   We all hear people say that you should pray for your future spouse, but what exactly to pray isn't always easy to figure out... In this episode, we talk about some of the things that we both pray about for our future husbands.

Guys, we know you hear it from girls all the time... "I'm just looking for a guy who is a good leader." Seems simple, but what does it really mean? Is it the same from day 1 of your relationship or does it vary as the relationship changes too? Today, we're taking a look at some of the specific, practical things we would really like for guys to take the lead in along the trajectory of a relationship.

This episode is a bit of a departure from our usual type of episode and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did making it! We have taken your stories, and thrown in a couple of our own, and we are laughing together and all of the awkward and cringe-worthy moments that 1st dates bring to all of us! :D

We all know looks aren't everything, but they are something, right? The question is how big of a something should they really be in your relationship? We're talking about attraction today and how important or not important it should really be. You might be surprised a little at our answer! :)